ISSUE #16OCTOBER 2011

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More and more people in Hidden Springs are suffering from a condition which turns their skin green, like this child and grandmother

Hidden Springs water contaminatedPublic health authori-ties shut down the famous springs after finding highly danger-ous pollutants

HIDDEN SPRINGS - The town of Hidden Springs is known nationwide for its beautiful views, luxu-rious spa’s and of course the actual spring water. According to local myth, the water contains magi-cal healing powers, an element which draws visitors from all corners

of the nation to visit this special place.Wether it’s a myth or not, it is certain something strange is happening in this otherwise peaceful village: the inhabitants of Hidden Springs seem to be turning green, literally.Doctors at the local hos-pital were stumped. Dr. Anderson explains: “We’ve had more and more people coming in with these strange symp-toms we’ve never seen before in our entire medi-

cal career. In all cases their skin changed into a greenish colour, and their eyes became black”.The strange epidemic among the population was reason enough for the hospital to alert the Federal Public Health Authority. The FPHA im-mediately responded by sending a special unit to do research on-site. A chemical survey of the spring water came back with shocking results: the water seemed to be con-

taminated with radioac-tive chemicals, causing dozens of people drink-ing the water to become green. After seeing the results, the FPHA imme-diately issued to close down the entire water supply of Hidden Springs until further notice. Re-sulting in locals having to buy all their water from the store.

The FPHA is still re-searching the cause of the contamination, but local sources think the Landgraab chemical plant downtown might-Õve have something to do with it. The mangement of the chemical plant re-fused to give any com-ments on this story.

PAGE 2 SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

Teens too busy for SimbookSUNSET VALLEY – So-cial media is taking over the internet and taking away every bit of time of today’s teenagers. Or is it?

In Sunset Valley, the com-plete opposite appears to be the truth. Schools are putting so much pressure on our teenagers, that they just don’t have any time left for their social networks, which makes them lonelier than ever.

Simbook has now started a campaign, telling the teenagers that friends are way more important for their future than their school results. Sure.

Cleaning dis-solves wallA woman living in Sun-set Valley made the wall of her house disappear while trying to clean it. She used a new, revolu-tionary product, but ap-parently it worked too well. ‘I was so desperate, I just had to clean my wall,’ Tamara Springfield says. ‘So I used this product with the smiling man on it. He looked hot in the commercials!’ While she was busy cleaning, not only the dirt but also the wall itself disappeared. ‘I’ll never use this prod-uct again! I’d still like to meet that lovely smiling man, though.’

Mass hysteria when a member of ADA actually did find a dishwasher in her house.

Anti-Dishwasher movement in Sunset ValleyIncreasing fear of dishwashers is tak-ing over our citizens.

SUNSET VALLEY - “Don’t use dishwashers, they will kidnap your children!” That is one of the many slogans that the Anti-Dishwasher Asso-ciation (ADA) has been using recently and suc-cessfully, too. A recent survey shows that now 84% of the Sims in Sun-set Valley is now afraid of dishwashers and 71% has even stopped using them.The big question here is of course: why? Why does the ADA even exist and

why are they so popular? “Everybody has an emp-tiness inside them you know, a big dark empti-ness... fear loves that. It lives in it. Builds a nest. People want those nests, subconsciously. That’s why they decide to be-come afraid of dishwash-ers,” psychologist Berta Rains tries to explain. Unfortunately, she fails.

In the middle of all the anxiety, there is also some happiness in the form of Bink Rinkydink, boss of Bink Rinkydink’s Sinks. Now that people avoid dishwashers, they

do their dishes in the sink and therefore the sale of sinks has grown explo-sively. As Bink tells us: “I thought I would go bank-rupt thanks to those fan-cy dishwashers, but look at them now! I don’t fear them, they should fear me, HAHAHA!”Bink has even started to sponsor the ADA, whose goal it now is to ban dish-washers from Sunset Val-ley completely. But next time that you see one of their slogans, it might be wise to realise that dishwashers are just ma-chines, and not “the root of all evil”.

OPINIONSSports clothes should be given away free to encour-age people to start sporting?What does our panel think of this argument?

Oscarr Parke Muscle Lover

Billy HopkinsSchool bully

Richard JonesChubby friend

Dear god no. I don’t want the entire gym work-ing out in the same exclusive attire that I wear. How can I keep the ‘hotties’ from the ‘notties’ apart then?

Do I get stuff for free? But I need to start working out then? Hmm, I don’t know, I already work-out a lot. You know kicking little girls and such.

WHAT? WORK-ING OUT? HELL NO. OH NO, THE HORROR. MY EARS, MY EARS. THEY BURN. QUICKLY GIVE ME A COOKIE! *omnomnom*. Much better.

PAGE 3

Sherri Forbes trying out the new ‘Book’ in her living room.

Setting Trends in Hid-den SpringsNew trend takes neigh-bourhood by storm.

HIDDEN SPRINGS – Yet another trend has gripped the neighbourhood of Hidden Springs. Trend analyst Terry Hobbs ex-plains the situation to our reporters: “Books! Yup, you heard me. They’re the latest thing! It’s an el-egant, simple solution to our technological woes! This is an example of our great intellectual ad-vancement.”

This trend came about after numerous reports of broken ebook readers and computers came into

observation by inventor Alaric Phelps. “I have de-veloped this invention, the book, to make our lives so much easier! They are made of paper, so you can drop them and they won’t break! Amazing, huh? And if the power goes off, you can still read them! They don’t even need batteries. We are also looking at the possibility of printing the daily news on paper and distribut-ing it manually. Wouldn’t that be something?” Book sales are through the roof, and even plans for a Book Store are in the works for the neighbourhood!

COMMUNITY VOICE

By Agatha Lonea

Greetings, all those who have fixed their eyes on the very right portion of the third page of the Sunset Valley Times newspaper of October first, 2011 AD, in an at-tempt to read and perhaps compre-hend my entry! I would like to tell you a non-fiction-al tale of an odd incident on Friday, Sep-tember twenty-third, 2011 AD, around 10:05:32 AM.I went to the park in an effort to spend some time outside of my habitat. Then, out of nowhere, a middle-aged male un-known and unfamiliar to me uttered to several words I interpreted as follows: “Hi, how is it

going?” I panicked, as I had no answer ready to this mysterious question.

What did this man mean by ‘it’? What made him hold the assump-tion I could pro-vide him with a valid answer?I spent the sub-sequent days consulting many major scientific

publications, in various academic disciplines, but none of them held the answer I now longed so desperately to find. Hence I turn to my audi-ence: if anyone who reads this has any theory at all about this question and its answer, please come visit me. Do it for my peace of mind.

New TV channel offers remark-able programmingA new TV channel aptly called SeniorSim, cre-ated ‘by and for proudly mature Sims’, has been launched last Wednes-day. Programming has been rather homogenous; channel director Mr C. Nile says just that is their aim. ,,We, as elderly Sims, are fed up with the televi-sion world as it is, domi-nated by rough visual

action and loud noise. Thus, we air a special programme 24/7, namely a black screen with no sound. It’s especially for seniors who are tired of loud popular television and need some rest. And our programme has prov-en to be in demand: more than one million Sims have tuned in this past week.’’

PISCES

I see a new love coming into your

life soon. Be sure to have a ken-nel and generous supply of pet food, lest your love go running into the distance to find another.

CANCER

You will be suc-cessful in all of your

endeavours this month. So go searching for rare gems, aim for that promotion or ask out that sim you’ve had your eye on!

LIBRA

It would be best for the welfare of you

and your family if you dyed your hair blue for a few days. Make it fun and force the kids to do it too.

SAGITARIUS

Now is the time to get a new ward-

robe. Those horrendous orange boots are bringing bad karma to your life, and bad fashion into ours, so fix that soon as you can!

SCORPIO

Have you tried your hand at painting

yet? You haven’t? Good. Don’t ever start, especially this month. You may make critics very angry if you do, and you’ll regret it.

LEO

I see…I see…noth-ing. Nada. Zilch.

Sorry, but this month is going to be one of repetition, boredom and general disinterest. Try snor-kelling! It might help.

VIRGO

You should not try tinker with appli-

ances anytime in the near fu-ture. If you do, I fear you shall be shocked to find yourself in an electrifying situation. Bzzzt!

GEMINI

Spend five minutes every day reading a

book. You may find something that might, but probably won’t, change your life! Reading whilst driving is not recommended.

TAURUS

This is not the time to be spontaneous.

So don’t go on an adventurous holiday, embark on a hike or at-tempt to make grilled cheese. That last one’s a big no no.

AQUARIUS

Try your luck at gar-dening this month.

Mother Nature will be kind to you, and perhaps you’ll be lucky enough to actually harvest something that’s not deadly!

ARIES

Turn that stereo louder this month.

You’re bound to find talents you never knew you had! Also, watch out for an old lady with green socks. She means harm!

CAPRICORN

Buy a pet as soon as possible! The

chances are you won’t make any new friends, so you may as well get to know a goldfish or some-thing.

PAGE 6 SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

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HOROSCOPE

WEATHER SUDOKU

SPORTSRESULTS

This month, the monthly annual bi-weekly Run-a-thon was held in Sunset Valley. Runners from all over the country came to the city for a 24 hour run.

The run went through the streets, forrest, and even through the public li-brary, which had an extra obstacle. Contestants had to finish the book ‘The

quantum physics theory of a llama’ before they could continue running. It was a great success and will surely be held again next monthly year.