Affiliated with NAMI California and NAMI USA NAMI SGV website: http//namisangabrielvalley.org

NAMI SGV email: sgvnami@pacificclinics.org NAMI National website: http// www.nami.org

T h e J o u r n a l

NAMI is a grassroots organization serving those impacted by mental illness.

We are guided by our belief in the reality of recovery. We reach out, educate, and advocate.

2550 E. Foothill Boulevard, Suite 135, Pasadena, CA 91107 Phone: 626.577.6697

Volume 32, Number 10 December 2017/January 2018

REMINDER! Celebrate the Holidays with

Your NAMI Family

Wednesday, December 13, 6:30 PM

Wilson Auditorium

2471 E. Walnut Street, Pasadena

Holiday decorations, joyful music, delightful

food!

Volunteer Recognition, Marita Pinkel Award,

Installation of Officers.

Warmth and friendship.

Gift donations for Board and Care residents.

See page 11 for list of suggested gifts.

Distinguished Speaker Meeting Wednesday, January 10, 2017

Location: Wilson Auditorium

2471 E. Walnut Street, Pasadena Time: 7 PM Business Meeting

7:30 PM—8:30 Speaker

Speaker: Gayathri Ramprasad,

MBA, CPS

NAMI California 2017 Conference Keynote Speaker

A particularly interesting keynote speaker at the 2017 NAMI CALIFORNIA CONFERENCE was Gayathri Ramprasad. who has lived with chronic depression for most of her life. She shared the intimate details of her story with a riveted audience at the Conference. In January 2018, the Distinguished Speaker Program will screen this intensely personal and moving talk, entitled Finding the Light Within: My Journey from Adversity to Advocacy. There will be popcorn!

Ramprasad's keynotes, wellness workshops, and cultural competence trainings have reached more than 50,000 people nationally and internationally with a resounding message of hope and recovery. Individuals and organizations alike applaud her as an agent of hope and transformational change. In 2006, she founded ASHA International and continues to serve as its president. ASHA is a non-profit organization that promotes personal, organizational, and community wellness through mental health education, training and support. Ramprasad says that her successful battle with the debilitation of severe depression taught her the power of hope and holistic wellness. In 2006, ASHA launched a wellness campaign, Healthy Minds, Healthy Lives. Today, she continues to share her message as an advocate, public

speaker and author of the book Shadows in the Sun: Healing from Depression and Finding the Light Within.

Ramprasad received her first undergraduate degree in science from Bangalore University in India. She earned a second undergraduate degree in Management and Business Information systems and a Master’s in Business Administration at George Fox University in Newberg, Oregon, and is also a Certified Peer Specialist (CPS). Among her awards is the Eli Lilly Welcome Back Award for Lifetime Achievement, the Voice Award for Consumer Leadership (sponsored by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), the Outstanding Alumna Award from her alma mater (George Fox University), the Esperanza Hope Award, and the Lifetime Innovator award presented by the International Association of Peer Supporters.

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -2- December 2017/January 2018

NAMI San Gabriel

Valley —2018 Officers

President

Wayne Meseberg

Treasurer

Evelyne Glaser

VP Development

& Fundraising

Simone Porcu

VP Community

Liaison & Safety

Nancy Eng

VP Consumer

Education & Support

Jackie Labrie-Pulido

VP Multicultural

Outreach

Emily Wu Truong

Recording Secretary

Diane Sipieter

Corresponding

Secretary

Lorraine Carson

VP Family Education

& Support

TBD

VP Membership

Technology

TBD

NAMI SGV is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. Dues and donations are

tax-deductible. Dues payable annually. Effective July 1, 2017

Household Membership: $60

Individual $40 Open Door: $5

Membership includes newsletter subscription. For more information contact 626.577.6697.

President’s Message

Wayne Meseberg

November 2017 Advocacy

Standard of Care for Mentally Ill

Brittney provided support for each of the 13 recommendations contained in a report back from DMH and County Counsel to the BOS regarding the county’s “standard of care for mentally ill”. Recommendations included: creating “treating street doctors”, ensuring and training on consistent application of “grave disability” for involuntary treatment, increasing beds throughout the system (incl. ERS, IMD, acute inpatient), increasing intensive case management and FSPs, piloting “private conservators” who are not Public Guardian staff and more. Grave Disability

As a result of that report, the BOS considered expanding the definition of “grave disability” to include a person’s inability to seek medical attention due to a mental disorder. Brittney provided testimony in support of the motion, pleading “Let’s make sure we give the kind of care we expect of each other to those who are not well enough to know they can’t survive without it.” See Steve Lopez’s column in the LA Times published on November 1 for a recap. The issue is now under investigation by county leaders, advocates and other stakeholders. LPS Mental Health Conservatorships

Public Guardian’s Office and DMH are convening three stakeholder work groups to draft recommendations on what’s working well and what needs improvement related to the Referral Process, the Conservatorship Process (investigation and court process) & Conservator Appointment. NAMI CA Survey

Complete the survey (sent 10/16) to provide input on statewide advocacy issues.

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -3- December 2017/January 2018

Review: November 8, 2017, Eva Vennari, Nutritional

Counselor

Topic: The Mind Body Connection

Reviewed by Elaine Rohr, M.A.

Eva is the founder of S.E.L.F. Nutrition (Supplement, Energy, Lifestyle, Food). At our November meeting, we were privileged to host Eva. As a survivor of mental illness, she was able to speak from experience how good nutrition aided in her recovery.

The mind body connection refers to how the brain and thoughts influence the body and its functions. Our beliefs about the illness and its treatment play a significant role in the healing process. The mind body connection can be used to override the impact of drugs on the body.

Toxins in our environment imbalance the body’s chemistry which affects our emotions, thoughts, and actions. Three of the chemicals that adversely affect the body when they are present in excess are copper, mercury, and lead. These may lead to symptoms such as anxiety, depression, fears, anger, frustration, mind racing, mood swings, spaciness, discouragement, fatigue, memory loss, nervousness, timidity, poor concentration, hallucinations, and/or nightmares.

Eva posed two questions. What causes stress? Could it be drama in our relationships, toxins in our environment, or a lack of nutrition in our diet? In order to overcome stressors, we need to tap into body communication. If we have an excess of copper, mercury, or lead in our bodies, we can detox in any of five ways: hydration, eating regularly, mindfulness, rest, or taking a sauna bath. Eva provides information about toxins in the body through a hair analysis. She then provides nutritional supplements that achieve a nutritional balance in the body. Eva demonstrated three ways that we can reduce stress:

1. The finger hold (four seconds per finger). 2. Taking a healing breath (breathe in, hold,

release). 3. Spinal twist (legs go one direction and arms in

the opposite direction). If you wish more information about nutrition that is right for you, Eva will provide a free 45 minute consultation. You can contact her by e-mail (eva@selfnc.com) or by phone @ 408-800-self.

Review October 11, 2017 Michelle White

Affordable Housing: Current Options Reviewed by Julie Traughber, Eddie Chu, MA.OTS, Patricia O’Neill, PhD

In October 2017, the Distinguished Speaker Program hosted Ms. Michelle White, Executive Director of Affordable Housing Services of Pasadena (AHSP). Her dynamic speaking style and interesting history were well received by our attendees.

The goal of AHSP is to provide affordable housing and community development opportunities to serve low and moderate income people, as well as employment resources to improve and strengthen the City of Pasadena community.

Creating affordable housing, White says, is difficult in the best of times – and these are not the best of times. Sadly, rising costs of housing combined with relatively stagnant median incomes have made affordable housing increasingly difficult to find.

Differences in how affordable housing is defined may be based on location. Generally, the U.S. Department of Housing & Urban Development defines affordable housing as housing, including utilities, for which occupants pay no more than 30% of their income. Occupants below the median household income are eligible to apply. By some estimates, as many as 20,000 of the 55,270 households in Pasadena are in need of affordable housing, either because residents pay more than 30% of income for occupancy, or because they are living in crowded or substandard conditions.

homeless, formerly homeless, or people with low to very low incomes. With a waiting list in the thousands, it can take years for a qualified Pasadena resident to be placed. AHSP works with city housing officials to obtain and renovate its buildings. Sources of funding include the City of Pasadena, the federal Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD), and private financiers

Pasadena's budget for affordable housing has been drastically reduced over time, due to cutbacks in local, state and federal funding. State lawmakers and Governor Jerry Brown passed a law last year

(Continued on page 4)

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -4- December 2017/January 2018

Diane Ford and Wayne Meseberg with Diane’s daughter and grandson Jackson

Our Best Wishes to the Giffens—

George, Marty and Becky

who have moved to

Washington state

George and Marty will be

greatly missed. They have

served our affiliate in so many

ways for years. We hope they are

happy in their new home.

eliminating the Pasadena Redevelopment Agency and more than 400 similar city and county organizations. Unfortunately, rising costs of housing combined with relatively stagnant median incomes have made affordable housing increasingly difficult to find. Traditionally, California has provided funds for new development to redevelopment agencies, with 20% set aside for affordable housing. Tenants may receive federal Section 8 subsidies to help cover rental costs. Most eligible people are earning nowhere near the amount of money they need to buy clothing and food, let alone housing. Thus, tenants may also need a range of case management services to help them negotiate the difficult system. Such services include advice about obtaining employment, job training and healthcare.

In discussing the reduction in available funding over the last 3 years, White stated that the decrease of 85% has resulted in a drastic, negative impact on assistance available to those with low and moderate income to find and obtain affordable housing.

A recent increase in funding for homeless persons and/or households, many of whom have mental health concerns, may bring some relief. L.A. County recently passed Measure H, a sales tax increase that created an annual fund of $355M intended for homeless housing and subsidies. Apparently still under discussion is the matter of the L.A. County affordable housing fund and whether it should also receive up to $45 Million over three years under Measure H.

For people with mental disabilities, “Not in My Backyard” (NIMBY) opposition impacts affordable housing. NIMBY activity has been preventing the building of permanent supportive housing for the population of people living with mental disabilities. Important to note, says White, is that much of NIMBY opposition is based on non-credible and non-scientific beliefs. Rather than focusing on issues related to safety, building capacities or design, NIMBY oppositions are often grounded in baseless assumptions of property value decreases and a focus on negative stereotypes. White feels it is essential that people attempt to disseminate knowledge, openness and acceptance and avoid spreading prejudice because, as she reminded us, once a mistaken belief becomes entrenched, it can be very difficult to change. Thus, prevention is key.

For more information, the Affordable Housing Services of Pasadena website is https://ww5.cityofpasadena.net/housing/.

Housing (Continued from page 3)

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -5- December 2017/January 2018

10 miles and a world away from where he grew up. That was in a two-family house in a rundown neighborhood of Freehold. His mother, Adele, worked as a legal secretary and held the family together. His father shifted from job to job, never achieving the prosperity he felt he deserved.

According to the New Yorker profile, Springsteen is still gripped by the pain of his early years. “My parents’ struggles, it’s the subject of my life,” he says. “It’s the thing that eats at me and always will.… Those wounds stay with you, and you turn them into a language and a purpose.”

Growing up in an abusive home left Springsteen unable to sustain close relationships. In some ways, he learned to trust nothing but his music. He got serious about playing guitar at age 15, joined a band as lead singer while still in his teens, then headed for the music scene in nearby Asbury Park. He had the ambition, discipline (to the point of perfectionism) and talent to break free from Freehold, if not from its corrosive legacy.

You can hear it all in the songs on Born to Run, the album that put Springsteen on the best-seller charts, on the covers of Time and Newsweek—and on a trajectory that would find him driving aimlessly across the country, questioning his life and self-worth. Or driving past his old house at night, “sometimes three or four times a week,” Springsteen started seeing a psychotherapist in 1982, who told him he was trying to go back and somehow make things right.

Music was another kind of therapy for Springsteen, on the page and the stage. He talks about how his punishing performances, often lasting three hours or more, were a way to escape “pure fear and self-loathing and self-hatred. You are free of yourself for those hours; all the voices in your head are gone. Just gone. There’s no room for them.”

But Springsteen also passionately believes that the live shows are his way to spread a little hope, create a transcendent experience for the crowd, and strike out against “the futility and the existential loneliness” of existence. In the end, what fans like me take away from Springsteen’s music is not only the stark and sad portrayals, but also a sense of human warmth and connection.

Bruce Springsteen: Battling Depression Excerpts from Esperanza Magazine

By Elizabeth Forbes

I can’t claim to be a Bruce Springsteen fan from the very beginning (namely, Greetings from Asbury Park, NJ), but it’s a fact that when his breakthrough album, Born to Run, came out in 1975 it was one of the first records I ever bought for myself.

Springsteen was 25 at the time, a working-class guy from New Jersey singing about teenagers in souped-up cars trying to escape the mean streets. I was a demure 14-year-old, growing up in a gracious neighborhood in the bosom of a professional family. But somehow his songs spoke to me—or maybe spoke for me, voicing the eternal adolescent yearning to bust loose.

Along with his marathon concerts—at 63, The Boss still fills stadiums around the world—that ability to give voice to the human condition has always been Springsteen’s particular talent.

Now he’s speaking for a darker side of the human psyche: depression. When a recent New Yorker profile delved into Springsteen’s emotional demons and revealed that he’s been in therapy for 30 years, the news made headlines across the country.

What the stories didn’t cover, though, was what therapy has done for Springsteen: helped him work through crippling issues about his abusive father and create a stable marriage with Patti Scialfa, a singer in his E Street Band.

Springsteen has never hidden his troubled relationship with his father. In the profile, the writer recalls hearing Springsteen tell a story at a concert in 1976 about getting into screaming fights with his father, who would come home drunk from his job as a jail guard and make his son sit with him in the dark.

Doug Springsteen could erupt into rage and violence, often with Bruce as a target, making the household a place “in which threats were shouted, telephones were ripped off the wall, and the police were summoned,” he writes. But he could also sink into immobilizing depressions, and it’s possible that he had bipolar disorder.

Bruce Springsteen now lives with his own family on a 180-acre farm in affluent Colts Neck, New Jersey,

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -6- December 2017/January 2018

NAMI SGV in the Community Submitted by Nancy Eng

August 1, 2017 National Night Out, City of Rosemead

September 30, 2017 Asian Youth Center Parent Resources Fair, City of San Gabriel

October 31, 2017 Trunk or Treat Event City of Rosemead

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -7- December 2017/January 2018

Remember— You Are Not Alone

See the many support

groups offered by NAMI

SGV

Connection Support Meetings

First and Third Mondays of each month 3:00—4:30 PM Aurora Las Encinas Hospital 2900 E. Del Mar Boulevard Pasadena Frontline

For information: 818.478.5740 sgvfrontline@gmail.com Family Support Group Every Thursday 5:30—7:30 PM Wilson Auditorium 2471 E. Walnut Street Pasadena Peer to Peer Started September 11

Every Monday for 10 weeks

12:30—2:30 PM

Peer to Peer classes include the causes and science behind the various mental health conditions, exercises for recovery, relapse prevention, a chance to share one's story and more. To sign up contact Dana at namisgvconsumer@gmail.com or call 626.577.6697.

2018 Family Education Schedule

Family to Family—12 weeks—6:30-9 PM January 9—March 27, Wilson Auditorium April 4—June 19, Kaiser Permanente July 2—September 17, Wilson Auditorium

Familia de Familia—accelerated 6 weeks 9 AM-3 PM Saturdays September 8- October 20, Kaiser Permanente

Basics—6 weeks—Saturdays May 5- June 16, Kaiser Permanente

To sign up for any of these classes please contact :

Sylvia Gil NAMI LACC sylvia@namilaccc.org 323.351.0999

Stephen Daryll Ford –“The Man of

Destiny”

Stephen Daryll Ford was a creative, intelligent

young man full of adventure and humor. Those

who briefly interacted with him left his presence

feeling like they knew this young man forever. He

was very giving of his time to family and friends,

always willing to help someone in need if he was

able to. His smile and laughter were infectious and

he always seemed to say a joke at the most

inopportune times. That that was our Stephen, and

to know him was to love him.

He loved to twirl on a dance floor and enjoyed

spending time with his friends, of which he had a

multitude. He loved the gift of knowledge and

debating with him was fruitless because he always

had a good argument to the premise. He loved the

beauty of the ocean and would spend many hours in

deep thought and meditation at the beach. He knew

of God’s love for him at an early age, and at times,

he wandered outside the center of God’s will and

purpose for his life.

However, Stephen also possessed a dark secret of

depression and bipolar mental illness. A secret that

he kept hidden and suffered with for 10 years and

which was not discovered by his family and close

friends until after his death. On October 16, 2012

Stephen made the decision to stop the silent

suffering and took his life. He was 28 years old.

Those closest to Stephen have started this charity in

his name so that the Man of Destiny’s struggle was

not in vain. Our hope is to help other families

dealing with the mental illness of a loved one not

have to suffer the same anguish and loss that we felt

on October 16, 2012. As Christians, we believe

that Stephen is at peace with our Heavenly Father.

Stephen’s presence and light are truly felt by those

he loved, and his destiny lives on forever in us.

On November 8th at our speaker meeting Ms. Diane Ford presented $2,200 for our affiliate, to our president, Wayne Meseberg, in honor of Stephen.

(See photo on page 4)

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -8- December 2017/January 2018

ADVOCACY and NEWS Submitted by Ellie Stabeck, Advocacy Chair

In 2004, the people of California voted Yes on Proposition 63, which proposed taxing those with an income over one million dollars at a rate of 1% to provide funds for mental health services. The Mental Health Services Act (MHSA) was implemented in the State of California, January 2005. There is no mention in the MHSA prohibiting funds from MHSA to be used for involuntary treatment. However Department of Mental Health (DMH) three-year plans required and funded by MHSA, do not include programs for involuntary care. Why is this a problem? I know from nearly a decade of experience that when my severely mentally ill son is having a psychotic episode, (which can result from a number of reasons), no one is in control except the illness. Anything Can Happen (ACH). ACH time is a very scary time. I know from listening to many stories from NAMI support groups, from meeting conference attendees on mental illness, from taking Warm Line calls and from many NAMI friends that the lack of effective long-term and humane involuntary treatment is a HUGE systemic problem. It causes great suffering to the severely mentally ill and their families, taking a large toll on the families’ own well-being from chronic grief, worry and stress, their finances, their family relationships, their jobs and their futures. The Mental Health Services Oversight Accountability Commission (MHSOAC) was established by the Mental Health Services Act to oversee various parts of the MHSA. In a rare opportunity, MHSOAC held a Public Forum October 28, 2017 in Los Angeles. The purpose was to obtain input from the community on MHSA services. Notification of this event came to me from a DMH source toward the second week of October. I was unable to send out notification to my list until October 24th. I estimated approximately 10 family members attended and an estimated 60-70 recovered peers and providers, (6 from my notification and Nancy Eng from NAMI SGV). Dr. Jonathan Sherin, Director of DMH delivered a short address at the onset followed by break-out sessions, and a presentation of what is helpful and what is lacking from MHSA from each break-out group.

This is what the Family group reported: 1. Number one problem for families is the lack of

involuntary treatment services for their severely mentally ill loved one whose lack of awareness of their illness prevents them from seeking and accepting treatment voluntarily. Those people are also disabled with the right NOT to be homeless nor incarcerated.

2. Families want a continuum of care. The fragmented system adds to the suffering and symptoms, which adds to the need for more care, which adds to the costs. If MHSA funding goes only to those who are well enough to accept treatment then it is DISCRIMINATING against the severely mentally ill in a systemic way.

3. We need more programs for Occupational and Vocational Rehabilitation.

4. More funding for Full Service Partnership Housing.

5. More and better communication between the MHSOAC and the Stakeholders.

6. Not enough treatment for co-occurring disorders that need to be treated together.

7. More money going to Peer Support and Peer Certification.

At the end during public comments, I addressed the peers there. It went something like this: How wonderful for all of you recovered, able to participate. How I wish my son could do this. Mental illnesses are a spectrum and very diverse. There is a huge population that is not recovered. An estimated 30% recover and you are the lucky ones. God Bless you. We are very proud of you. The thing though is that we need to focus on the bigger picture as well. When we have people who can’t get treatment or don’t accept it and MHSA funding is not going to help them, your brothers and sisters are on the streets homeless and in jail. At some point in your lives, some of you may have received involuntary treatment and recovered. Please support involuntary treatment for those who need it to recover as well. At the end of the Forum, I submitted the question, “Why are MHSA funds not going to involuntary treatment services?” The letter below is the response I received: (Underlined and highlighted areas are my own.) Good Morning Ellie Stabeck, This email is in response to the question that you

(Continued on page 9)

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -9- December 2017/January 2018

turned in at the LA Community Forum of 10/28/17. My understanding of the situation is that while Proposition 63, The Mental Health Services Act, was written and lobbied for, the majority of the stakeholders were very clear that they wanted the funds only to be used for voluntary community-based services. The general feeling is that if we devote more funding to quality community-based services there will be less of a need for involuntary services. Involuntary services are not viewed as client-driven services, and involuntary commitment can create additional trauma for people. While the argument can certainly be made that all mental health services are on a continuum and involuntary treatment is a necessary option on that continuum, the stakeholders holding that position were not as numerous or vocal as those wanting the funds to go only to community services. Wendy Desormeaux, Staff Mental Health Specialist Mental Health Oversight and Accountability Commission 1325 J Street, Suite 1700, Sacramento, CA 95814 916.445.8702 End Dr. Seager, psychiatrist and documentary film maker of “Shattered Families,” which many NAMI SGV members viewed at the Laemmle Theater on May 23, 2017, gave this response: “ Wow...Ms. Desormeaux is so misinformed it is frightening. She obviously knows nothing about serious mental illness, it's cause or it's treatment. She is the cause of these families problems not the solution. She needs to go...What a disaster..” Write to: mhsoac@mhsoac.ca.gov Wendy.Desormeaux@mhsoac.ca.gov Matthew.Lieberman@mhsoac.ca.gov, Sharmil.Shah@mhsoac.ca.gov Tina Wooton, MHSOAC Commission Chair 1325 J Street, Suite 1700 Sacramento, CA 95814 (Please copy me as well belstabeck@gmail.com) NEWS & INFORMATION New evidence-based APP to help patients with schizophrenia and psychosis and their care providers better manage symptoms, by a Toronto company

Advocacy (Continued from page 8) helps patients prepare for everyday tasks. It can be set up to provide reminders and a feed with evidence-based and peer-to-peer support. Users can also access a microphone to use with an ambient sound recorder which is designed to help individuals understand if sounds are real or hallucinations. https://www.scientificamerican.com/custom-media/jnj-champions-of-science/the-best-of-jlabs/ Survey Request from NAMI CA NAMI CA wants to hear from you on your top three policy priorities through the survey below. The deadline for the survey is December 1st. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/LCP3YJL New Family Form from Department of Mental Health In their efforts to reach out and assist as many families as they can, the Department of Mental Health has created a Family Form that can be used to convey information about a friend or loved one in need of assistance and support. This form can be faxed to their office. Please call the Office of Family Advocate 213.738.3948 for more information and to obtain a copy of the form. The form may be also found on the NAMI SGV web site. NEW LPS Conservatorship Task Force from Dept. of Mental Health DMH is spearheading LPS Conservatorship stakeholder work groups to improve the conservatorship process. You may join the following work groups: • Referral process • Investigation/Court process • Ongoing conservatorship Write to me at belstabeck@gmail.com for work group Chair contact info.

“And I cry and grieve everyday for my son and what he has to face, and sometimes I feel such despair at the very dark future ahead for him….and me.” P.B. - NAMI mom

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -10- December 2017/January 2018

Mental Health and the Holidays By Jane Fyer, Family Circle

This article appears in the Journal every year near the holidays—Ed.

Holidays are very tough. I have an aunt (a sweet, loving lady) who walks around every December 26th muttering, “I hate Christmas” through clenched teeth. Naturally, it’s not the joy, the people, or the sparkle of Christmas she hates; it’s the stress.

For the mentally ill, holidays can be a nightmare. By the time Thanksgiving/Hanukkah/Christmas/New Years have rolled around, they have worked up an anxiety bigger than the Rose Bowl Parade, and all their demons are loose. Statistically, the worst time for the mentally ill is the end of the year. There are more crises, hospitalization and suicides at this time.

On the other end of things, families and friends are trying to arrange holiday get-togethers, agonizing about how and when, even whether to include them. Depending on past experiences, mentally ill persons may have restricted invitations to holiday celebrations. Sometimes there is so little tolerance and acceptance, and so much fear or expectation of social discomfort that they are just left out of the circle entirely.

No Christmas stands alone; it seems always to be the sum of all our Christmases Past, heavy with memories, loaded with expectations. We tend to reminisce, to try to recapture all the good times. We all make our pilgrimages back to our family, hoping that feuds and bad feelings will melt in the warm holiday glow. Down deep we really ought to know this is pretty unrealistic.

The mentally ill are poorly equipped to pick their way through such emotional mine fields. They too feel the need for family closeness and are anxious to be included even though the successes of others weigh heavily against their own “failures”. They conjure up their own personal set of devils: anxiety about their social graces, real and imagined insults, their own past unworthy acts and current shortcomings.

Some feel acutely aware of letting down their family, of not meeting all those great expectations, of being a burden. While they have, through the necessities of their illness, and with great pain, given up many of their dreams, they now must also deal with family members who neither believe nor understand this turn of events.

Here are some holiday tips:

Start with an open, loving heart and accept the person you are dealing with TODAY. He cannot resurrect the person he was before the illness struck.

Gift giving is casually expected at holidays. Rarely do the mentally ill have the money for this. To come empty-handed is embarrassing, and to always be on the receiving end is hard too. See if your family can come up with a creative solution to this problem. Perhaps you can plan a shopping trip early in the month, before the crowds really take over. How about cooking a potluck together? Create a list of very simple dollar-less gifts he/she can generate and help them follow through (this takes true grit).

Let him/her know ahead of time, specifically, what to expect and what is expected. If the party is from four to seven, be sure he/she knows that and doesn’t think it’s open-ended. Someone needs to make transportation arrangements; don’t assume they will make it somehow. Be sure they receive pertinent information well ahead of time; stick to a schedule except for emergencies. Mentally ill people have a much easier time if there is a structure they can rely on.

Appreciate their struggle; even the decision to come to the party was most likely difficult; carrying it out probably took up their emotional week.

Sometimes mentally ill people have phobias about being touched; don’t be personally offended if they draw back from you. You can ask for a hug and let them make the first move. You can show you care by saying how glad you are they came, or (honestly) complimenting their clothes or hair, or their smiling face.

Don’t talk about them as if they weren’t present; don’t talk behind their backs. Many mentally ill people are paranoid already, don’t make it worse. If you need a family plan of action, work it out beforehand. Expect them to be part of the group, but understand and accept that they may demur. Don’t force the issue. Try to keep the spotlight off them.

Be prepared for them not wanting to help, but include them anyway, even if there are grumbles; this is part of being a family. The mentally ill can be scared of as simple a thing as having to participate with six other people in washing dishes. You can almost always bring them through with some gentle nudging.

(Continued on page 11)

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -11- December 2017/January 2018

If they insist they can’t, find a simple alternate chore they can do alone. Don’t be surprised if it takes them longer than most; recognize they are doing their best and be patient.

Watch for obviously stressful situations. If you know that Uncle Harry is an overbearing, insensitive clod, don’t leave your mentally ill relative alone with him, even for a minute.

Be as supportive as possible. Don’t create a command performance scene. Questions like, “Are you trying to get a job?” provoke guilt and fear.

Try to resist giving advice—especially if it’s unsolicited. Never start a sentence with “You should….” Few of us can know the exasperation the mentally ill feel with not being able to lead normal lives. Helpful suggestions are easier to accept when they start with, “What works for me is…” or “I heard about a situation where…”

As with all of humanity, the mentally ill fall into many categories when it comes to social intercourse, but with them it seems things can be intensified. If they are shy, they are often painfully, acutely shy and are terrified you will demand a balanced exchange. They’ll be grateful if you take that kind of heat off them and do a lot of the talking. The content is not as important as the feeling that you care to take time with them. Be as natural as possible, don’t weigh every word. Sometimes the opposite happens: the mentally ill person wants to do all the talking and some of what they say flies in the face of reality. It’s best not to be confrontational, and tell them they’re full of it or crazy. But it’s certainly appropriate to gently say you don’t agree or you see it another way.

Most of all, keep in mind that the mentally ill want to be treated just like everyone else—compassionately, sensitively. If we could start with the proposition that we are talking to another human being with very similar basic feelings, the job is half done. The balance of it is that extra mile we are willing to go for this special person in our lives. Be assured, you can make a difference.

Holidays (Continued from page 10)

New CD After shave lotion Chocolate or hard candy New socks Stationery and pens Shampoo Hand cream New T-shirts New shirts Gloves, mittens Shower gel Soap Body Powder Cologne New paperback books

Toothbrush/paste Nail Clippers New hat Scarves Snacks Manicure set Wallets Purse Electronic hand-held

games Playing cards New DVD New sweater Board Games Forever stamps Journals Umbrella Shower slippers

Suggested gifts for Board and Care Residents

NAMI San Gabriel Valley -12- December 2017/January 2018

RESOURCE INFORMATION (December 2017)

L A County DMH Arcadia Mental Health Center

626.254.1400 Monday-Friday, 8 AM-5 PM.

DMH Psychiatric Mobile Response Team (PMRT):

626.258.2004 for crisis management in Service Area 3

Monday-Friday 8 AM—5 PM. For PMRT at other times use

Access Line listed below.

DMH 24-hr Access Line: 800.854.7771, for information &

consultation, and for Psychiatric Mobile Response Team after

hours and week ends. LACO Sheriff/DMH Mental

Evaluation Team (MET). operates 5 PM to 1 AM. Call Local

Sheriff Station (or 911 if dire emergency) to request MET

response. For general information: 626.258.3002.

LACO DMH Family Advocate: 213.738.3948

LACO DMH Family Engagement and Adult Services:

213.738.2868.

DMH Court program (Diversion): 626.403.4370.

Mental Health Justice programs: Ira Lesser, MD, Chair of

Psychiatry at Harbor UCLA 310.222.3101.

DMH Jail Mental Health Services: Dr. Kidwell, Mental

Health Clinical District Chief, 213.974.9083.

DMH Clerical Office, 213.473.1734. Give booking number

for inmate information.

Twin Towers Jail Inmate Reception Center: phone 213. 893.5385, fax 213.229.9991.

Patient Information Center: 213 473.6080 or 213.473.6100 or on website www.lasd.org; click on “inmate information center” then enter name or booking number.

Jail Inpatient Unit: Neil Ortego, MD 213.893.5391.

Men’s Outpatient Unit: Sara Hough, Psy.D., Program Head 213.473.1752.

Women’s Outpatient Unit: Mary Whaley, LCSW, Program Head 323.568.4578.

Friends Outside Los Angeles County, Mary Weaver, Executive Director 626.795.7607 ext. 104.

Suicide Prevention Center Crisis Line 24 hrs. 7 days 310.391.1253. Trained Counselors. No Fee.

New information as of 11/17/16: Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department has a new jail mental health liaison. You can reach Sergeant Shawn Barnes or his staff at 213. 974.1081 or scbarnes@lasd.org.

NON-PROFIT ORG.

U.S. POSTAGE PAID

ARCADIA, CA

PERMIT #212

The Journal

NAMI SAN GABRIEL VALLEY

2550 E. Foothill Boulevard, Pasadena, CA 91107

______________________________________

Address Service Requested

NAMI SGV JOURNAL is published ten times per year.

Subscription is included in membership dues.

Submission deadline is the 5th of each month.

Editor: Jeri Gaudino

Leave message for editor at the office. 626.577.6697.

Editor’s e-mail: jerigaudino@roadrunner.com.

December 7—Pearl Harbor Day

December 12—Hanukkah Begins

December 21—First Day of Winter

December 25—Christmas Day