tania sourdin, high conflict behaviour at work - how to identify, respond and manage it - high...
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Professor Tania Sourdin, Professor of Law and Dispute Resolution, Monash University delivered this presentation at the Inaugural Workplace Bullying Conference. This event brings together HR, WHS Managers, Workplace Psychologists and Academics to discuss policy and practices for combatting workplace bullying. Find out more at http://www.informa.com.au/workplacebullying_13TRANSCRIPT
6/12/2013
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Professor Tania Sourdin
Australian Centre for Justice
Innovation (ACJI)
Monash University
Managing the challenges of workplace dispute resolution
High conflict cases
Our Objective – Serious, careful and
dignified dispute resolution
Issues –
– Expectations and perceptions of clients
– Understanding, communication skills and access
to information
– High Conflict Behaviours.
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PERSONALITY DISORDERS: Rigid patterns of behaviour; Chronically distressed; chronic Interpersonal dysfunction; MAY be unable to function in DR
MALADAPTIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS: Appear normal, but inappropriately upset, highly exaggerated, distorted logic; MAY resolve conflicts and engage in DR with careful management
REASONABLE PERSONS: appropriately upset about conflict issues; able to settle and resolve conflicts and engage in Dispute Resolution.
Significance of Behaviour
in Dispute Resolution - Bill Eddy
What % of disputants exhibit HCB’s?
“An enduring pattern of inner experience and behaviour that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment”
(DSM-IV rev manual 1994).
Estimated that 14.8% in US population (2002 Study) have Axis I or Axis II problems.
Estimated that a further 10% have maladaptive personality traits
Some DSM disorders may result in a less chance of a person taking Court action – depression, anxiety.
Cluster B personality disorders include borderline, narcissistic, antisocial and histrionic. Those with these disorders or traits may be MORE likely be involved in intense, ongoing conflicts.
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Disputants
Basic day to day strategies -
1.Process guidelines
2.Communication skills – explanation,
questions, breaks, issue identification and
checking.
3.Summary, reflection and using ‘tags’
How do you introduce self, role, dispute
resolution process, restrictions and
communication?
What do studies show?
Prof Jennifer Lerner (Harvard)
Studies on rats
Studies on people
Preparation helps
Process explanation assists
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Basics..
Allow time to express – limit to brief overview
– 3 – 4 minutes.
Identify and check issues (neutral and mutual
if possible).
– Contract Agreement
– Delay Timing
– Poor workmanship Quality of work.
Summary and reflection
Can I just check that I have heard you
correctly? I understood you to say that you
had entered into the …and then I think you
said…and then you talked about…and then
you said…did I hear you correctly?
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Strategies to use…
Repetitive - I think I heard you talk about
….earlier – so this is clearly important to
you?
Upset and anxious – Use an EAR response
or try another strategy – for example, short
break (with or without private sessions),
explanation of process etc.
Should another approach be used? (see
work later today).
4 Key Skills for HCBs Bill Eddy
1. CONNECTING with E.A.R.
2. ANALYSING realistic alternatives and outcomes
3. RESPONDING to inaccurate information
4. SETTING LIMITS on high conflict behaviour.
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Connect with E.A.R. (Bill Eddy – High Conflict
Institute)
If frustrated by emotional reactivity and
thinking distortions – it is easy to get
“emotionally hooked,” and to withhold any
positive responses. It’s easy to feel a
powerful urge to attack or criticize.
Instead, consciously use your E.A.R:
• EMPATHY
• ATTENTION
• RESPECT
E.A.R. Statements
Empathy – I can see how important this is to you
– I understand this can be frustrating
Attention – I want to understand what you are saying
– Tell me what’s going on
Respect – I can see you have put a lot of thought into this
– I respect your efforts on this
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E.A.R. – words, tone and action
• Example: “I can hear that you are
frustrated that I can’t answer your
question today. I will pay attention to
your concerns about this issue and any
information that you want to provide. I
respect that it is hard to come to
mediation and know that you are
committed to solving this problem, and
I look forward to helping you. Once I
have more information I will be able to
do more.”
Some cautions about E.A.R.
Avoid believing or agreeing with content.
Avoid volunteering to “fix it” for them (in
an effort to calm down their emotions).
Avoid rejecting them or having an angry
confrontations with them because of their
heightened emotions.
You don’t have to listen forever.
If doesn’t work, focus on tasks (See this
afternoon).
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Showing your E.A.R.
Empathise; don’t argue with their logic – try to understand it. You won’t talk them out of their fears, but you can empathise with their fears.
Pay attention: Reduce their fears in the process, by reassuring that you are not going to make assumptions or quick decisions; pay attention to their concerns.
Be respectful: Put more energy into clarifications, to make sure you understand how they are thinking, and what they heard you say.
The style of engagement?
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The elephant in the room...
Shapiro - core concerns
Autonomy
Affiliation
Role Status
Appreciation
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Appreciation
Not understood, devalued, unheard
Studies of newlywed couples
Replicated in organisational studies
Predicting divorce
Analysed records of marital conflict discussions.
Predict marital outcomes over a 6 year period using just the first 3 minutes of marital conflict discussions.
For husbands this prediction improved as the groups diverged in the remaining 12 minutes.
For wives the prediction remained equally powerful for the remaining 12 minutes as it had been in the first 3 minutes
1999 Carrère S; Gottman J M
Predicting divorce among newlyweds from the first three minutes of a
marital conflict discussion 38(3) Family process 293-301
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Autonomy buckets
Unilateral decision
Inform Consult Negotiate
Autonomy - ACBD
Always
Consult
Before
Deciding
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Perceptions
Ladder of Inference
Senge, P. et. al. (1994) The Fifth
Discipline Fieldbook: Strategies
and Tools for Building a Learning
Organization
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Ladder of Inference - Example
I refuse to listen and want to make my point
They will try to trick me
I cannot trust the mediator
Government employees are not trustworthy
The mediator is employed by the government
I am required to argue in the session
High Conflict Behaviours
1. Rigid, repeat failed strategies
2. Unable to accept or heal from a loss
3. Negative emotions dominate thinking
4. Unable to reflect on own behaviour
5. Difficulty empathising with others
6. Preoccupied with blaming others
7. Avoid responsibility for the problem or the
solution
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Flipping your lid…
Inside your brain
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Bodily regulation
Emotional balance
Attuned
Communication
Response Flexibility
Insight
Fear Modulation
Intuition
Moral Awareness
Empathy
9 Functions of the Mid Pre-Frontal Cortex Siegel
The role of hormones
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Cycle of high conflict thinking
1. MISTAKEN
ASSESSMENT OF DANGER
2. BEHAVIOUR
that’s AGGRESSIVELY
DEFENSIVE
3. NEGATIVE FEEDBACK
Three Step Cycle
1. Mistaken Assessment of Danger Person with High Conflict behaviours feels internal distress,
but it feels like external danger
(Being Abandoned, Treated Inferior, Ignored, Dominated, etc.)
2. Behaviour that’s Aggressively Defensive HCB verbally, physically, legally, financially, etc. attacks the perceived source of danger
3. Negative Feedback HCB gets negative feedback (most feedback feels negative to
people with HCBs), which escalates them
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The Issue is Not the Issue
In high-conflict cases, the issue is not the issue. The
high-conflict thinking is the issue, with distorted
perceptions and expectations.
For many people with high-conflict behaviours, they
are stuck with their their negative emotions and
can’t easily access their problem-solving skills.
To handle them, you need to learn to communicate
with the rational part of the brain.
Talking to the Rational Slow Brain
Tone of voice and body language is amazingly
important: Calm, confident, firm
Avoid personal attacks: these escalate
defensiveness and bad behaviour
Avoid threats: these escalate the HCBs
Avoid logical arguments in times of stress
Avoid giving Negative Feedback.
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Increasing Defensiveness and Impulsivity in Younger people
Employers are complaining about young employees who can’t take ordinary performance feedback – they react angrily and take everything very personally.
Marshmallow and cookie studies: 4 yr. olds offered 1 now or 2 if they waited a little. 14 years later, those who grabbed 1: more irritated, more fights, less able handle stress and 210 pts. lower on SATs.
Daniel Goleman
Working With Emotional Intelligence (1998)
CAUSES
1. Biological factors, such as genetic tendencies and temperament at birth.
2. Early childhood factors, such as early parenting “attachment” disruptions, child abuse or other trauma before age 5.
3. Social learning, such as “invalidating environments”: being ignored for positive behaviours and getting more attention for mood swings and extreme emotions; family and community tolerance of bad behaviour; role models with extreme personalities.
4. Cultural changes, like increasing narcissism, drama, mood swings and violence in popular culture.
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High Conflict Behaviours
Two key issues:
#1: Some lack an ability to be self-aware and
can’t reflect on their own behaviour.
#2: Some lack an ability to adapt their
behaviour to changing circumstances. They
repeat mistakes.
High Conflict Behaviour Types
“Love you, Hate you” Behaviours
Often Angry, Sudden Mood Swings
“I’m Very Superior” Behaviours
Demanding and Demeaning
“Always Dramatic” Behaviours
Superficial, Helpless, Exaggerates
“Con Artists” Behaviours
Deceptive, Manipulative, Hurtful
“I’ll Never Trust you” Behaviours
Fearful, Resentful, Suspicious
Bill Eddy “It’s All YOUR Fault!” (2008)
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Setting Limits on High Conflict Behaviour
Those with HCBs need limits because they can’t stop themselves
With HCB clients, focus on external reasons for new behaviour, usually a policy, guideline or by reference to the applicable law:
“Our policies require me to …” “The law requires…” “The process that is set out in the legislation
means I have to…”
Setting Limits (con’t) Educate About Consequences
People with HCBs do not connect realistic
CONSEQUENCES to their own ACTIONS,
especially fear-based actions.
They feel like they are in a fight for survival,
which blinds them to realities.
Their life experiences may have taught them
different consequences than most.
They can be educated by a caring person.
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Setting Limits (cont’d) Set Personal Limits
About when the session will occur
About how long the session will go for
About what you will discuss
About who will be present
About phone & email access to you and
your staff
About what they need to bring
About what they need to do before
Setting Limits (cont’d) Set Organisational Limits
What authority is there in your
organisation that can set limits beyond
those than you can set alone?
What policies and procedures exist?
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Finishing processes with HCBs
Lay the groundwork for termination of process from the start, with clear expectations & limits.
Avoid impulsive terminations or session conclusions – an abrupt end can trigger a memory of all of the client’s bad endings & lead to potentially uncontrollable emotions and bad behaviour (stalking, more litigation, etc.)
Suggest that your views are incompatible
Show empathy, attention and respect, even while concluding the process.
Applying HCB Skills
Work hard at appearing neutral
Have people make as many process decisions as is possible
Ask “What do you think about that proposal?” rather than “How do you feel about that?” so don’t open up emotions.
Prepare for breach of agreements
Avoid pressing them for agreement; hold back and keep burden on them. Yes, no, maybe (proposals).
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NEGATIVE ADVOCATES
Wanting to help is often driving force
– Believe distortions of upset client with HCB
– Misled by HCB’s charm, hurt, fear, anger
– Advocate against perceived enemies
– Protect them from natural consequences
– Escalate conflict inadvertently
– May also have high conflict personality
Closing Points about HCBs
Some people in dispute have long-term personality
problems
Behaviour can be mostly unconscious
Some want relief from their constant distress
Some people push boundaries out of desperation, not
out of intent to be difficult
Direct confrontation brings resistance and escalation of
blame, not insight for some people
Most people have problem-solving skills, which you
can support