taste of amontillado internet=070517 - heuer publishing co0… · 2 a taste of amontillado this...

HEUER PUBLISHING LLC P.O. BOX 248 • CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA 52406 TOLL FREE (800) 950-7529 • FAX (319) 368-8011

A TASTE OF AMONTILLADO By Evan Baughfman

Copyright © MMXVII by Evan Baughfman, All rights reserved. CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this Work is subject to a royalty. This Work is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention and the Berne Convention. RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this Work are strictly reserved, including professional and amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, information and storage retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into non-English languages. PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock performance rights to this Work are controlled exclusively by Heuer Publishing LLC. No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this play without securing license and royalty arrangements in advance from Heuer Publishing LLC. Questions concerning other rights should be addressed to Heuer Publishing LLC. Royalty fees are subject to change without notice. Professional and stock fees will be set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances. Any licensing requests and inquiries relating to amateur and stock (professional) performance rights should be addressed to Heuer Publishing LLC. Royalty of the required amount must be paid, whether the play is presented for charity or profit and whether or not admission is charged. AUTHOR CREDIT: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this Work must give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the production of this Work. The author’s billing must appear directly below the title on a separate line where no other written matter appears. The name of the author(s) must be at least 50% as large as the title of the Work. No person or entity may receive larger or more prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s). PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this Work is produced, all programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed material must include the following notice: Produced by special arrangement with Heuer Publishing LLC. COPYING: Any unauthorized copying of this Work or excerpts from this Work is strictly forbidden by law. No part of this Work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means now known or yet to be invented, including photocopying or scanning, without prior permission from Heuer Publishing LLC.

2 A TASTE OF AMONTILLADO

T H I S S C R I P T I S P R OV I D E D A S A C O U RT E S Y F O R I N T E R N ET R E A D I N G. N O P E R F O R M A N C E R I G H T S C O N V E Y E D.

A TASTE OF AMONTILLADO By Evan Baughfman

SYNOPSIS: In this darkly humorous adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe's twisted short story, The Cask of Amontillado, a man takes revenge upon an old friend by walling him up alive inside an underground tomb.

CAST OF CHARACTERS (2 either)

MONTRESOR (f/m) ..................................... Sets forth a twisted revenge

plot. (After he’s been pushed too far!) (63 lines)

FORTUNATO (f/m) ..................................... An unfortunate victim of said revenge. (But he kind of deserves it!) (63 lines)

PROPS

□ Red solo cup □ Wineglass □ Smartphone □ Montresor’s “death” costume (skull mask and black hooded robe) □ Fortunato’s “court jester” costume (with face mask) □ Flashlight □ Shackles and chains □ Bricks □ Trowel □ Mortar

COSTUMES

Costume designs are up to the discretion of the director. With that said, in the second half of the play, Montresor is dressed as “Death” and Fortunato is costumed as a “court jester.” Each costume should include a face mask.

DO NOT C

OPY

EVAN BAUGHFMAN 3


SOUND EFFECTS Optional music playing in the background during SCENES 1 and 2. Optional water slowly dripping in SCENE 3.

SYNOPSIS OF SETTINGS Note: The settings dissolve from one right into

the next without any distinct stoppages. SETTING 1: A party. Option to have music playing in the background. SETTING 2: One week later: Carnival Costume Celebration. Option to

have music playing in the background. SETTING 3: Later that night, the dark catacombs beneath Montresor’s

family estate (possible SFX used: water slowly dripping)

AUTHOR’S NOTE Near the end of the play, Montresor shackles Fortunato inside a hole in a wall. He then “walls up” Fortunato alive, brick by brick by brick...much, if not all, of this “walling up action” can be pantomimed, if necessary.

DO NOT C

OPY



AT START: A party. MONTRESOR holds a red solo cup, stands center-stage, and addresses the audience. MONTRESOR: So, I know this jerk named Fortunato. He’s a friend of

a friend’s cousin’s friend. In other words, he’s no friend of mine. But, in his delusional brain, we’re BFFs. Best Friends of Friends. Thing is, Fortunato likes to drink a little too much of the fermented grape juice, if you know what I mean. And, once he gets full of vino, he usually goes onto social media and whines about everything and everyone, burning bridges left and right. I really hate running into him at parties.

FORTUNATO drunkenly stumbles on-stage. He holds a glass of red wine. FORTUNATO: Hey, Mattress Store. How’s it going, buddy? MONTRESOR: For the thousandth time, Fortunato, my name is

pronounced Montresor! FORTUNATO: Oh, right! My deepest apologies, um, Monster Saur.

How you doing? MONTRESOR: If you must know, I— FORTUNATO: Hold that thought. Gotta do this real quick. He pulls out a smartphone. MONTRESOR looks annoyed. FORTUNATO begins typing out a long post. He reads it aloud as he types... FORTUNATO: “OMG, I just had the WORST SERVICE EVAH at the

Leaning Tower of Pizza. My first time at the place, and it’ll definitely be my last. As you all know, I always enjoy a few good hunks of filet mignon on my pizza pies.”

Of course, FORTUNATO pronounces “filet mignon” as “fill-it migg-nawn.”

DO NOT C

OPY

EVAN BAUGHFMAN 5


FORTUNATO: “But the guy making the pizza said they don’t have filet mignon and that he wouldn’t run out to get me some, either. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ‘THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT’??? Anyhow, I had to settle for sausage and pepperoni like some kind of lowly pheasant. Not only that, but the guy also refused to give me free breadsticks with my personal pan pizza. What’s up with that? I ALWAYS GET FREE BREADSTICKS WHEN I GO TO BIG TONY’S PIZZA PALACE!!!” (Drinks some wine.) “Whatever you do, stay away from The Leaning Tower of Pizza. By the way, the ‘tower’ isn’t even that tall and it doesn’t lean over very far. Talk about FALSE ADVERTISING! I obviously give this hellhole negative one trillion stars. The pizza wasn’t bad, though.” (He puts the phone away.)

MONTRESOR: I always try to ignore Fortunato’s rants. Can’t really remember why I ever added him to my InstaBook in the first place. Maybe I thought he was funny at one point? But now I can’t figure out how to block his stupid posts.

FORTUNATO: Mantis Door, how’d you get to tonight’s fiesta? MONTRESOR: I took the Saint Benedict Bridge. FORTUNATO: Ugh. I hate the Saint Benedict Bridge! MONTRESOR: Yeah? Well, I should be going over here now, so— FORTUNATO: Don’t get me started on the Saint Benedict Bridge!

(Takes out his smartphone.) MONTRESOR: Great. FORTUNATO: (Begins typing another post and reads it aloud as he

types.) “The Saint Benedict Bridge needs to be burned down to the ground. No, this isn’t a terrorist threat. But the bridge’s TERRIBLE TRAFFIC DOES THREATEN my ability to get anywhere on time! I am one of many frustrated commuters, AND OUR VOICES AND CAR HORNS WILL NO LONGER GO UNHEARD!!!” (He chugs some wine.) “We DEMAND that this city spend some of its millions on improving its infrastructure! How about a second bridge? Would that really be so hard? Dear City Council, think of your citizens for once, and do something about that bridge already, you selfish pigs! Before some disgruntled individual decides he’s had enough and takes manners into his own hands! No, this isn’t a terrorist threat.” (He puts the phone away and finishes his wine.)

DO NOT C

OPY



MONTRESOR: I swear, Fortunato’s gonna push someone too far someday. He’s gonna push the wrong buttons, and—

FORTUNATO: Excuse me? Manticore? MONTRESOR: Montresor. FORTUNATO: That’s what I said: Manticore. MONTRESOR: What is it? FORTUNATO: You like wine, don’t you? MONTRESOR: Yes. FORTUNATO: As you know, I’m somewhat of an expert on the gods’

nectar. MONTRESOR: So you claim. FORTUNATO: It’s a well-known fact! I’ve tasted the finest wines from

lands near and far. Everyone relies upon my refined palate to determine whether or not a bottle is worthy of consumption.

MONTRESOR: Not sure that’s true. FORTUNATO: Is that, by any chance, wine in your cup there? MONTRESOR: It is. FORTUNATO: I thought I recognized the aroma of a soft, velvety

merlot. [Pronounces “merlot” as “merr-lott.”] MONTRESOR: Yes, it’s a merlot. I made it, actually, using grapes

from my family’s very own vineyard. FORTUNATO: How interesting. As you see, I have drunk all the wine

from my glass, and I’m looking to try something new. MONTRESOR: Afraid I only brought the one bottle tonight. This is

the last of it. Alas, you arrived too late to the party. FORTUNATO: Damn you, Saint Benedict Bridge! MONTRESOR: You’ll have to wait until next time, I suppose. FORTUNATO: Well...Can I sip from your cup, Mountain Sore? MONTRESOR: It’s Montre—Wait. Are you serious? FORTUNATO: They won’t serve me any more. I’ve been cut off for

the rest of the evening. MONTRESOR: Already? Probably a good idea. FORTUNATO: But I want to try your brand. How have I not sampled

the fruit of my BFF’s labor? MONTRESOR: Perhaps another time. FORTUNATO grabs MONTRESOR’s arm.

DO NOT C

OPY

EVAN BAUGHFMAN 7


MONTRESOR: Hey! FORTUNATO: Vino is my life’s blood. I need it, you see? Now, give

me a taste! FORTUNATO rips the cup free of MONTRESOR’s hand. FORTUNATO drinks from it... and promptly performs a spit-take, spewing wine into MONTRESOR’s face. FORTUNATO: OMG! This is truly awful! Disgusting! (Now,

FORTUNATO makes a big scene. He tosses the cup to the ground.) Ew! Gross! Attention, everyone! ATTENTION, I SAY!

MONTRESOR: What’re you doing? FORTUNATO: If any of you are drinking the wine made by this man

here (Pointing.), spit it out for your own good! It’s atrocious! As bad as poison! No! Worser than poison!

MONTRESOR: Now, you hold on— FORTUNATO: No, the world must be informed! I have to let my

fanbase know to stay far, far away from this swill! (Takes out his phone.)

MONTRESOR: Fortunato, stop. You tasted it when it was a little warm. Before you judge it, you gotta try it fresh from a crisp bottle! (MONTRESOR turns to the audience) As much as I hate to admit it, Fortunato’s opinion actually holds some weight with a lot of people around here. Idiots, I know. But you understand that I can’t have him dragging my name through the mud like this!

FORTUNATO: I’m doing what’s best for the community! MONTRESOR: Come on! Seriously? FORTUNATO: (Reads his post aloud as he types it...) “Tonight, my

tongue has been insulted and permanently damaged by a wine so vile, I struggle to come up with words to accurately describe its putridness.”

MONTRESOR: I think you’ve said enough! FORTUNATO: “Simply put, do not ever, ever, IN A THOUSAND

YEARS, EVER drink a bottle of wine made by the Montresor family.”

MONTRESOR: Now he gets our name right.

DO NOT C

OPY



FORTUNATO: “I award this travesty with my lowest rating yet. Negative two trillion stars!” (Looks up from his phone) Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Well, I feel better now. Good night, pal.

MONTRESOR: (Trying to remain calm.) Fortunato, will you be at the carnival next weekend?

FORTUNATO: But of course! In full costume! Will you be attending? MONTRESOR: If you’ll be there, I’ll be there. FORTUNATO: Splendid! See you then! MONTRESOR: Enjoy your week. It may be your last. FORTUNATO: Oh? Ha! You jokester! You’re always good for a

laugh! (Exits.) MONTRESOR, shaking with anger, looks to the audience. MONTRESOR: Well, he did it. My wrong buttons have been pushed.

I have to make this right. Thankfully, it’s taken me no time at all to devise the perfect revenge plot. Mwuhahahahahaha!

One week passes. MONTRESOR puts on a skull face mask and a black hooded robe. [Optional] lively music plays. FORTUNATO drunkenly dances on-stage in a court jester costume, complete with an elaborate face mask. He holds an empty wineglass. FORTUNATO: Eat! Dance! Drink! Be merry! Oh, how I love the

carnival! I can do what I please, and no one knows it is I, Fortunato, beneath this colorful get-up!

MONTRESOR walks over to FORTUNATO and taps him on the shoulder. MONTRESOR: Fortunato, Death calls your name. FORTUNATO: Ha! What a riot! Who is this Death before me? MONTRESOR: It’s your...“BFF,” Montresor. FORTUNATO: Mattress Store? What a great costume! Never would

have suspected it to be you! MONTRESOR: Why not?

DO NOT C

OPY

EVAN BAUGHFMAN 9


FORTUNATO: Well, you have the bite of a mouse and, quite frankly, aren’t very scary.

MONTRESOR: Perhaps I bring you a plague tonight, Fortunato. A slow, agonizing exit from this world.

FORTUNATO: HAHAHA! You’re killing me, friend. MONTRESOR: That’s the plan. Know where I can find Luchresi in all

this madness? FORTUNATO: Luchresi? Why do you want that fool? MONTRESOR: I’ve recently purchased a cask of Amontillado. Or at

least what I think is Amontillado. I fear that I may have been ripped off. It doesn’t taste how I had hoped. And Luchresi is the only one I know who’s tasted the wine before.

FORTUNATO: Nonsense! Luchresi doesn’t know his wine from toilet water! I’ve tasted the exceptional Amontillado before! [Pronounces “Amontillado” as “Ey-mawn-till-lad-doh.”] You need look no further. Fortunato knows the great Amontillado at first sip!

MONTRESOR: How fortunate for me to have run into you, then, Fortunato!

FORTUNATO: I always bring good fortune to my friends! Now, onward to the Amontillado!

MONTRESOR: Yes, this way. I’ve stored the cask down in my family’s vaults. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone where we’re headed. This’ll be our little secret. Otherwise, everyone will be clamoring for a taste of Amontillado.

FORTUNATO: Oh, I’m not telling a soul! MONTRESOR: Excellent. They exit stage right, and when they return on-stage moments later, the scene is dim. Silent, except for water dripping faintly in the background. Both men have removed their face masks. MONTRESOR guides them through the darkness with a flashlight. FORTUNATO continues to drink from his wine glass. FORTUNATO: Are we there yet? My feet hurt! And I’m hungry! I

want some tacos. MONTRESOR: Now, now. Patience, Fortunato. Just a little bit

farther. It’ll be worth the wait. I promise.

DO NOT C

OPY



FORTUNATO: (Coughs, practically hacking up a lung.) The air sure is thick! I can’t breathe!

MONTRESOR: Don’t take your final breaths... yet. FORTUNATO: It’s so dark down here! And there are so many

spiders and cockroaches! And—OMG—is that a dead rat? Ew! MONTRESOR: This is where many of my ancestors are buried. Their

crypts line these catacombs. FORTUNATO: Creepy! Positively spooky! MONTRESOR: Honestly, how do you ignore all of this

foreshadowing? Idiot. FORTUNATO: I’m not getting any phone reception down here,

either! How inconvenient! MONTRESOR: For you, yes. If you really want to turn around, we

can go back. Don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I’ll find Luchresi. He isn’t known for his incessant complaining. He’ll appreciate the Amontillado.

FORTUNATO: No, no! Luchresi will be of no help to you! You already have the right man for the job.

MONTRESOR: Continue drinking, then. How’s the cabernet I gave you?

FORTUNATO: Fine, fine. Keeping me drunk, at least. You didn’t make this one, I presume?

MONTRESOR: No. Paid for that bottle. FORTUNATO: Thought so. Doesn’t remind me of something I’d find

in the gutter. MONTRESOR: Alone in a maze of unfamiliar underground

passageways with a man who clearly hates your guts, and you still have no filter. Amazing. You truly are an oblivious clown, aren’t you?

FORTUNATO: What was that? MONTRESOR: Works for me. Ah, here we are. FORTUNATO: Finally! MONTRESOR: You’ve gotta step into that hole in the wall. FORTUNATO: The Amontillado’s in there? MONTRESOR: Um, yes. Now, go right in. I’ll hold your glass. FORTUNATO does as he is told.

DO NOT C

OPY

EVAN BAUGHFMAN 11


MONTRESOR: Careful, careful. I know it’s a tight squeeze. He places FORTUNATO’s glass on the floor. FORTUNATO: But... where’s the cask? The Amontillado? I don’t

even see a bottle... MONTRESOR pushes FORTUNATO up against the wall. Shackles his wrists and feet to it. MONTRESOR: Come on! Really! I expected some kind of a struggle

from you! He also takes FORTUNATO’s phone. FORTUNATO: Ooooh. Are we playing “Dungeon”? Am I “waiting for

the Gallows”? I haven’t played this since I was a kid! My brother never let me be “the Torturer” or “the Executioner.”

MONTRESOR: You still won’t get the chance. FORTUNATO: That doesn’t sound fair. MONTRESOR: Funny, you talking about fairness. (Wraps a chain

around FORTUNATO’s waist.) How were you “fair” when you publicly ruined my reputation?

FORTUNATO: I don’t want to play this game anymore. Get me out of these chains, please.

MONTRESOR: This isn’t a game! You’re staying right where you are! Forever!

FORTUNATO: Ha! Hilarious! Good one! Now, bring on the Amontillado!

MONTRESOR: There is no Amontillado, you dummy. But I do have something else for you. (His flashlight reveals a pile of bricks, a trowel, and some mortar.)

FORTUNATO: What’s with the bricks? Doing construction at this time of night?

MONTRESOR: Yes! Completing construction on your tomb! Mwuhahahahahaha!

FORTUNATO watches MONTRESOR lay more bricks into the wall.

DO NOT C

OPY



FORTUNATO: You’re actually pretty good at that. If you’re

interested, I’ve got some work that needs to be done at my house. MONTRESOR: I’m trapping you in here. Alive. You’ll eventually

starve to death or die of thirst. Your corpse will rot behind this wall, and your skeleton will remain shackled here for an eternity!

FORTUNATO: You have such a strange sense of humor! Now, undo these chains, and we can chuckle about this over some Amontillado.

MONTRESOR continues to lay bricks. He turns to the audience while he works. MONTRESOR: At some point, he’s going to realize just how screwed

he is. I hope. I really, really want to see that look of stark terror on his face. Hear him scream for mercy. For help. Unfortunately for Fortunato, his cries will never be heard by anyone but me.

FORTUNATO: Who’re you talking to? Hellllllooooo. Earth to Monster Saur. Are you crazy? You are crazy, aren’t you?

MONTRESOR: (To the audience.) I have a pretty good feeling I’ll get away this. And how will I celebrate? By tapping a cask of Amontillado. I’ll pour myself a nice, full glass and savor a world without this jerk in it.

FORTUNATO: Hey! Hey, now! For the love of God, what do you think you’re doing here? Hey!

MONTRESOR: Yup. There’s the look. Fantastic. About time, Fortunato.

FORTUNATO: (Trying to get free.) Let me outta here! MONTRESOR: Hmmmm...No. He laughs as he builds the wall. FORTUNATO screams and pleads as he struggles against his restraints... Fade to black.

THE END

DO NOT C

OPY

taste of amontillado internet=070517 - heuer publishing co0… · 2 a taste of amontillado this...

Documents