Technical Writingfor Researchers

and Graduate Students

Spring 2003Lincoln Campus

Instructor: Deborah Derrick

Unit 4: Style and Usage

OUTLINE OF TOPICS1. Writing effective paragraphs2. Breaking up long sentences3. Making choppy writing flow4. Emphasizing the active voice5. Writing with economy6. Being careful with modifiers7. Making words agree with each other

1. Effective paragraphs

Paragraphs are the main building blocks of writing.

When they are written tightly, they advance your thoughts in clear stages.

Effective paragraphs

A well-structured paragraph has: A topic sentence or main idea One or more supporting sentences

that develop the idea by means of description, narration, exemplification, or analysis.

Effective paragraphs

The example in your handout, page 1, shows a pair of paragraphs with topic and supporting sentences that are linked together by a series of keywords (KW).

Effective paragraphs

Use these 3 organizing principles to write paragraphs:

1. Unity2. Development3. Coherence

Effective paragraphs

1. Unity Focus on a topic that will unify the

content of the paragraph. Do not shift to new topics in mid-

paragraph!

Effective paragraphs

2. Development Advance the topic by means of some

expository strategy such as: Description Narrative Exemplification (giving examples) Definition Comparison and contrast Analysis

Effective paragraphs

3. Coherence Make the paragraph sentences

“hang” together through various linking strategies:

Keywords Demonstrative pronouns Transitions

2. Break up long sentences Long, dense sentences, often

amounting to more than 30 words, may contain more information than a reader can easily understand.

Determine the main actions of the sentence.

Then sort these into two or more shorter sentences.

Break up long sentences Example of long, awkward sentence

“In gasoline engines, designers leave a space between the piston and its cylinder that contributes to the exhaust emission problem, because as the engine is started and begins to heat up, the cylinder liner, which is directly cooled by a surrounding coolant, expands more slowly than the piston, which allows exhaust gases to escape.” [Length: 54 words. This sentence is too long and has too many clauses/ideas.]

Break up long sentences Improved sentence

“Gasoline engine designers leave a space between the piston and its cylinder that contributes to the exhaust emission problem. At startup, when the engine begins to heat up, this space allows the cylinder to expand rapidly without damaging the more slowly expanding cylinder liner, which is directly cooled by a surrounding coolant. The space, however, also allows exhaust gases to escape.” [Length: 61 words.]

3. Make choppy writing flow Choppy sentences interrupt the smooth

flow of thought, and they can be repetitious.

Combine overly short sentences by using: Transitional words Coordinating conjunctions (e.g., and, yet, but,

nor, or) Subordinating conjunctions (e.g., unless,

since, because, if, when)

Make choppy writing flow

See your handout, page 3, for an example of choppy writing and how to improve it.

4. Emphasize the active voice

Overusing the passive voice can lead to indirect, wordy prose.

The passive voice inverts the straight agent-action-thing acted upon (i.e., subject-verb-direct object) sequence of the sentence. The thing acted upon becomes the subject of the sentence.

Emphasize the active voice Example

Enzymes break down proteins. (active) Proteins are broken down by enzymes.

(passive) Both sentences are grammatically correct,

but the active verb break down is more direct and simple than the passive verb is broken down.

Thus, the word order of the direct sentence is easier to process.

Emphasize the active voice Passive/indirect writing

Different types of protein are broken down by different enzymes, and starch is dismantled by still other enzymes into its constituent sugar molecules.

Active/direct writing Different enzymes break down different

types of protein, and still other enzymes dismantle starch into its constituent sugar molecules.

Emphasize the active voice The question of using the passive voice is

often a matter of emphasis. The writer of the sentence we just looked

at who is discussing proteins and wants to keep protein as the subject will choose the passive form.

The writer who wants to maintain sentence focus on enzymes will choose the active form, which makes enzymes the subject.

Emphasize the active voice Here are some examples in which

the passive voice leads to awkward, wordy, or ambiguous expressions. Awkward passive

“A heat barrier installation has been carried out by the plant maintenance crew.”

Improved “The plant maintenance crew installed a

heat barrier.”

Emphasize the active voice Wordy passive

“The cost of the filtration system was found by the research team to be justified, because a greater efficiency in the performance of the instrument was obtained.” [27 words]

Improved “The research team justified the cost of the

filtration system with the instrument’s greater efficiency.” [15 words]

Emphasize the active voice

Ambiguous passive “Sensing information must be provided

manually when the device is in the manual mode.” [Not clear who is doing what here.]

Improved “The shift operator must provide

sensing information manually when the device is in the manual mode.”

5. Write with economy

Writers often draft wordy, convoluted prose that needs to be condensed.

Cutting unnecessary words and phrases improves the clarity and impact of your writing.

Write with economy Wordy writing

“The cooling of the thermal unit is accomplished by using electric fans which are run every other hour during the day.” [The “empty” verbs accomplish and run may be eliminated without loss of meaning.]

Improved “The thermal unit is cooled with electric

fans every other hour during the day.”

Write with economy Wordy

“An increase in water volume would have the effect of reducing the stability of the slope along the north wall of the power plant.” [The phrase “have the effect of” contributes nothing to the sentence meaning.]

Better “Increased water volume would reduce slope

stability along the power plant’s north wall.”

Write with economy Wordy

“There was a secondary stress that was identified with the stress caused by constrained thermal expansion of the pipe fitting.” [Avoid empty clauses like there is or there was at the start of sentences. Note also the repetitious use of stress.]

Better “A secondary stress was caused by constrained

thermal expansion of the pipe fitting.”

Write with economy Wordiness sometimes originates in

words and phrases that repeat what has already been stated or implied in the sentence. For example: Repetitious verbs

“Ring currents were observed and demonstrated to play a role in fullerene magnetism.”

[Improved: “…were demonstrated to play…”]

Write with economy

Repetitious sentence complements Example: “Mouse and human

receptors are so different and distinct that…”

Different and distinct have the same meaning.

Improved: “Mouse and human receptors are so different that…”

Write with economy Repetitious ideas

Example: “The main cost of the hydro unit is determined by the costs of the catalyst and the frequency of its replacement. Catalyst life also is the major factor on the overall economics of operating the hydro unit.”

Both sentences note that replacing the catalyst is the main operating cost of the unit in question.

Improved: “Catalyst life largely determines the economics of the hydro unit, because its main cost is catalyst replacement.”

Write with economy

INSTEAD OF: A large number of As a general rule As shown in Table

6 As yet At all times At this point in

time By means of

USE: Many Generally Table 6 shows Yet Always At this time, now By

Write with economy

INSTEAD OF: Hold a meeting In order to In the event that In the course of Is equipped with It is clear that On the basis of With the result

that

USE: Meet To If During, while Has, contains Clearly By, from So that

6. Be careful with modifiers

Science and technical prose depends heavily on modification to achieve accuracy. Thus, writers often stack up modifiers in front of the main noun.

The effect is not accuracy but ambiguity. The reader has to work out which words are modifying other words in the stack.

Be careful with modifiers

Example: “underground plant effluent soil contamination” The adjective underground could be

modifying either plant or contamination. The phrase could be referring either to

“contamination from an underground plant” or to “underground contamination from an above-ground plant.”

Be careful with modifiers

To resolve this ambiguity, put some of the modifying information after the main noun: “underground soil contamination by a

plant effluent.”

Be careful with modifiers Stacked modifier

Large low-cost central receiver electricity generating power plants could significantly alter local desert climates by modifying their radiation balances.

[The main subject, plants, is modified by 8 preceding words. Do the adjectives large and low-cost, for example, apply to receiver or to plants?]

Be careful with modifiers

Improved Large electricity-generating power

plants of the low-cost central receiver type could significantly alter local desert climates by modifying their radiation balances.

[Some of the modifiers have been shifted to the phrase that follows the main subject.]

Be careful with modifiers

Stacked modifier “A contributing cause of the accident

was the poor communication among health protection and environmental safety group personnel and operations management.”

[The 6 modifiers in front of personnel make it hard to tell how many groups are implicated in this sentence.

Be careful with modifiers Improved

“A contributing cause of the accident was the poor communication among the personnel of the health protection group, the environmental safety group, and operations management.” [3 groups]

Alternate improvement “A contributing cause of the accident was the

poor communication between the personnel of the health protection and environmental safety group and operations management.” [2 groups]

Be careful with modifiers Place modifiers close to the words

they modify. A modifier is ambiguous when it is

not closely linked to the item it is modifying.

Don’t put modifying words and phrases into out-of-the-way places in the sentence.

Be careful with modifiers Misplaced modifying phrase

“The storage drums showed signs of deterioration that could be seen under severe corrosion.” [The phrase under severe corrosion appears to be modifying seen rather than drums.]

Improved “The storage drums, which were severely

corroding, showed visible signs of deterioration.”

Be careful with modifiers

Dangling modifiers are errors in logic. In dangling modifiers, a word or

phrase modifies a noun that is not the target.

Example: “Walking down the street, the tall buildings came into view.”

Here, the writer is suggesting that the tall buildings are out for a walk!

Be careful with modifiers Dangling modifier

“By carefully adjusting the reflecting surface spacing, the desired transmission wavelength can be isolated. [The action of adjusting the spacing is misattributed to wavelength, which is the subject of the main clause.]

Improved “By carefully adjusting the reflecting surface

spacing, we can isolate the desired transmission wavelength.” [The action of adjusting the surface is now attributed to the actual agent, we.]

7. Word agreement Make words related by number,

pronoun reference, and case agree with each other.

A plural subject requires a plural verb.

A plural noun-referent requires a plural pronoun.

A pronoun must agree with the case in which it is used.

Word agreement Subject-verb agreement:

Wrong: “The mixture of methanol and water used in the process were then recovered and distilled for further recycling.”

[The subject is mixture, which is singular and takes a singular verb.]

Improved: “The mixture of methanol and water used in the process was then recovered and distilled for further recycling.”

Word agreement Collective nouns such as committee and

team are treated as singular. Wrong: “The five-nation Interstate Council for

the Aural Sea have called for an increased cubic kilometer flow of water into the Aural basin. [Council is treated as a singular noun and should take a singular verb.]

Correct: “The five-nation Interstate Council for the Aural Sea has called for an increased…”

Word agreement

It is easy to mistake number agreement when the first part of your sentence uses a pronoun for its subject and is followed by a modifying phrase.

Word agreement Wrong: “Each of the casings are constructed

from 9 percent nickel steel, because they must withstand constant temperatures as low as -320º F.”

[Each, the subject of the sentence, is singular and requires a singular verb, is constructed. The second pronoun, they, also does not agree with its referent, each.]

Improved: “The casings are constructed from 9 percent nickel steel, because they must withstand constant temperatures as low as -320º F.”

On Wednesday:

Overusing the word “and” Handling pronouns imprecisely Using too many prepositions Being redundant Missing articles (a, an, the)