teresa huang peer educator el camino college: dating abuse and healthy relationships

Teresa HuangPeer Educator

El Camino College:Dating Abuse and Healthy Relationships

Ice Breaker:Buzzer Exercise

Abuse doesn’t wait. It starts when dating starts.

Break the Cycle is a leading, national nonprofit organization working exclusively on teen dating violence. We work with youth and adults in communities nationwide to prevent and end dating violence through innovative educational resources and services.

Break the Cycle advocates for changes in laws and systems to better protect the rights and promote the health of teens nationwide.

Break the Cycle believes everyone has the right to safe and healthy relationships.

About Break the Cycle

To engage, educate and empower young

people to build lives and communities free

from domestic and dating violence.

Our Mission

an INFORMED campus

is a SAFER campus

“A pattern …”

What is Dating Abuse?

“…of abusive behaviors”

A pattern of abusive behaviors used to exert power

and control over an intimate partner

Power and Control

• Spreading rumors

• Constant put-downs/insults

• Hitting, pushing, scratching,

spitting, or pulling hair

• Extreme jealousy or insecurity

• Mood swings

• Keeping a teen from spending

time on extracurricular activities

• Isolation from friends or family

• Threatening harm to oneself

• Threatening to out a teen’s

sexuality or gender identity

• Refusing to practice safe sex

• Refusing to use birth control or

purposely damaging birth

control

• Forcing unwanted sexual

activity

What does dating abuse look like?

• Both guys and girls can be perpetrators or victims of abuse.

• Dating violence occurs in all neighborhoods, income levels, and ethnic groups.

• Dating violence happens in straight and same-sex relationship.

• Most abuse gets more severe over time.

Abuse Can Happen to Anyone

The Impact

One in four teens in a relationship (25%) say they have been called names, harassed, or put down by their partner through cell phones & texting.

One in three teens in a relationship (30%) have been text messaged 10, 20, or 30 times an hour by a partner asking where they are, what they’re doing, or who they’re with.

Nearly one in five (18%) say their partner used a networking site to harass or put them down.

One in ten (10%) report being threatened physically by a partner via email, IM, text, chat, etc.

The Role of Digital Abuse

• Pressure to take/send inappropriate pictures

• Threatening online to hurt oneself or others

• Checking someone’s cell phone to see who they talk to

• Harassing someone online

• Texting constantly to monitor a teen’s activities or whereabouts

• Stealing the password to an email or Facebook account and monitoring the activity

Signs of Digital Abuse

• Physical

• Sexual

• Verbal/Emotional

• Digital

breakthecycle.org | loveisrespect.org| facebook.com/breakthecycle

Types of Abuse

• Extreme Jealousy• Possessiveness • Controlling behavior and setting rules• Mood swings and explosive temper• Constant put downs• History of violence• False accusations• Financial control• Isolation • Excessive phone calls and check ins


Warning Signs

• fear of the abuser/friends or family

• language barriers• embarrassment• low self esteem• hoping the abuser will

change• believing that abuse is

normal• cultural religious reasons• lack of money


• fear of being outed

• pregnancy or parenting

• distrust of police

• nowhere to go

• reluctance to report abuser

• peer pressure

• “puppy love” phenomena

Obstacles

• Restraining Orders are Free.

• California state law allows minors to petition for a RO on their own at

age 12.

• Child under the age of 12 must have a guardian petition on their

behalf.

• California law does require the court to notify at least one parent or

guardian of RO.


Restraining Order Facts

• Leaving an abusive relationship is often the hardest and scariest part of an abusive relationship.

• It is important to have a well thought out safety plan prior to leaving and abusive relationship.

A safety plan includes….• A contact person• Safety Route• Resources• Plan needs to be realistic and specific to the situation• Visit www.loveisrespect.org to learn more.


Safety Planning

http://www.loveisrespect.org/

Important questions to ask are…..

• What can I do to stay safe in my home?

• How do I safely get to work or school?

• Is there a safe place I can go when abuse happens?

• Who can walk with me from one class to another?

• Who can I call if I feel I am in danger?


Safety Planning

It is important to think about what you want in your relationships…

•Make a list of Healthy and Unhealthy behaviors.

•Be aware of warning signs of abuse as well as signs of healthy

behaviors.

•Relationships are not perfect, it’s ok to disagree as long as you

communicate and respect one another.

•Everyone has a right to a safe and healthy relationship.


Healthy Relationships

Set Boundaries Find the Real Issue Agree to Disagree Compromise when Possible Consider Everything

• While conflict is normal, your arguments shouldn’t involve degrading or humiliating comments.

• You should be able to express yourself without fear of retaliation. • Take a Healthy Relationship quiz to learn more.


Healthy Relationships:Conflict Resolution

Find the Right Time Talk Face to Face Do Not Attack Be Honest Check Your Body Language Use the 48 Hour Rule


If you are angry remember to…StopThinkTalkListen

Communicating isn’t always easy. At first, some of these tips may feel unnatural or awkward, but they will help you communicate better and build a healthy relationship.

Healthy Relationships:Communication

www.breakthecycle.org

www.loveisrespect.org

Resources

facebook/loveisrespectpage

@loveisrespect @loveisrespectofficial

loveisrespect.tumblr.com

http://www.breakthecycle.org/

http://www.loveisrespect.org/

5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite1150Los Angeles, CA 90045

PO Box 21034Washington, DC 20009

Teresa HuangPeer Educator

Christina-Marie SantillanNational Community Organizer310.286.3383 ext. [email protected]


Contact Us

teresa huang peer educator el camino college: dating abuse and healthy relationships

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