the 14 most unintentionally terrifying statues in the world

8/3/2019 The 14 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Statues in the World

1/17

The 14 MostUnintentionally Terrifying

Statues in the WorldBy: Pauli PoisuoApril 26, 2011772,866 views

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Write a book or paint a painting, and who knows whether it'll still be around

a few years later. But build a goddamned 100-ton bronze statue, and people

will still be staring at that shit centuries from now. Which makes it all the

more awesome when a sculptor creates a horrifying monument to his own

insanity and gets it erected in city park or town square. Like ...

#14.Frogner Park Babyfighter (?) -- Oslo,

Norway
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2/17

Viaellenmac11

Frogner Park in Oslo is a beautiful place. It is filled with a great number of

statues that capture the beauty and grace of human anatomy in a way that

has to be seen to be believed. Also, this statue of a naked man kicking theshit out of several babies.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ellenmac/4680067470/http://www.flickr.com/photos/ellenmac/4680067470/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frogner_Parkhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/ellenmac/4680067470/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frogner_Park


3/17

ViaToni Kaarttinen

What exactly is going on here? Is it ... symbolic of something? Or, even

better, is it memorializing an actual person? Did this used to be an Olympic

event, and did this guy win the gold for Norway? Did they knock off points

for having his dick out?

This baffling statue actually depictsfour child-shaped "genii" spirits

attacking a man.Or maybe only three of them are spirits, and he just

happened to be doing his daily nude baby punt when they descended on him.

Really, feel free to just write your own backstory here.

#13.The Child-Eater Fountain -- Bern,Switzerland
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonikaarttinen/5050843307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonikaarttinen/5050843307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/tonikaarttinen/5050843307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Park


4/17

ViaCurious ExpeditionsIt wasn't as though he was aiming for any kind of subtlety here.

Damn, we should have done a whole article just about baby-murder statues.

The Kindlifresserbrunnen, or Child-Eater, fountain of Bern was built way

back in the 16th century. And really, it looks like pretty standard fountainry

when you're walking by it:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/curiousexpeditions/538780079/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/curiousexpeditions/538780079/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindlifresserbrunnenhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/curiousexpeditions/538780079/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindlifresserbrunnen


5/17

ViaJaume Meneses

Hell, from here you can barely tell that the top depicts a man snacking on a

bag of babies. Probably why the artist named it "Child Eater," just to make

sure you got his point.

And we say "probably" because nobody seems to know the exact story --

whatever grand point the statue was supposed to be making has been lost to

time. But the artist went all-out, from the horrified, desperate expressions of

the remaining uneaten babies to the legion ofarmed bears that stand guard

around the fountain's base ...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaumemeneses/1813787307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaumemeneses/1813787307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaumemeneses/1813787307/sizes/m/in/photostream/


6/17

iStockphoto

... to the fact that at least one of them is sporting a clearly visible erection.

#12.The, Uh, Turd Monument -- Ponta Grossa,Brazil


7/17

Viatudolink.com

If you're thinking this looks like a shit statue, a lot of people agree with you.

But you'd be wrong. It's also a shit fountain.

ViaLus Renato Berteli

That mind-boggling, giant turd-on-a-stick is called Cocozao.It's located inthe unfortunate town of Ponta Grossa, and Google Translate tells us it's

actually supposed to represent a local tree called the Araucaria pine. For

reference, here's an Araucaria pine:
http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.panoramio.com/photo/3785668http://www.panoramio.com/photo/3785668http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.panoramio.com/photo/3785668http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/


8/17

ViaDanielle Langlois

Yeah, Brazil. That's totally what it is.

For the surprisingly large portion of our readers who are already packing for

a pilgrimage to pay respects to the Ultimate Poop Joke, we regret to inform

you that the people of Ponta Grossa finally came to their senses in 2009 and

demolished the statue. As a small consolation, however,they opted to doit like this:
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Araucaria_heterophylla_01.jpghttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Araucaria_heterophylla_01.jpghttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Araucaria_heterophylla_01.jpghttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.html


9/17

Viaadlertech.blogspot.com

"Damn kids." - God, after falling for the oldest trick in the book and stomping the fire out.

#11.The Kafka Museum Entrance -- Prague

Viavagabondvin

ce310
http://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/


10/17

Prague clearly wanted the museum for its greatest author, Franz Kafka, to be

something special. Which is why we have the above sculpture in the

courtyard. If you think it looks like they're pissing a pool in the shape of the

Czech Republic, a simple look closer ...

Viailovebutter

... says that's exactly what you're looking at.

This is the work ofDavid Cerny, an artist hailed by half his peers as a

controversial genius and scorned by the other half as an utter dickhole. Thiswon't be his only stop on this list.

The statues' dongs are robotic, so they actuallymove. They piss shapes in

the water, and you can also make them piss a phrase of your own by sending

an SMS to a pay number. And Cerny got someone to agree to that. And by

the way, this was not even his most ridiculous penis-related project. He was

once very, very close to being able to make the Czech National Theatre

look like this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdickert/2999980731/http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdickert/2999980731/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_%C4%8Cern%C3%BDhttp://www.360cities.net/image/david-cerny-s-pissing-men-in-prague-czech-republic-by-jeffrey-martin#0.00,0.00,70.0http://www.davidcerny.cz/startEN.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/jdickert/2999980731/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_%C4%8Cern%C3%BDhttp://www.360cities.net/image/david-cerny-s-pissing-men-in-prague-czech-republic-by-jeffrey-martin#0.00,0.00,70.0http://www.davidcerny.cz/startEN.html


11/17

Viadavidcerny.cz

That piece was going to be called "Nation to Itself Forever," a 30-foot golden

man ejaculating steam at random intervals. It unfortunately got canceled just

prior to installation, which we assume means Cerny was forced to pay up on

a bet he made to another artist years ago about just how much shit he could

get away with before someone stopped writing him checks.

Fortunately, this is not Prague's only artistic tribute to Kafka. There's also

this ...

#10.Man and Skull -- Prague
http://www.davidcerny.cz/startEN.htmlhttp://www.davidcerny.cz/startEN.htmlhttp://www.davidcerny.cz/startEN.html


12/17

Viasfoshee

Yes, for some reason or another, they figured that the best way to honor

Kafka was by erecting a statue featuring a giant skull getting intimate

with a subservient male figure at a major tourist attraction (Prague

Castle's Daliborka Tower). They say this is based on a character in Kafka's

books, and although we can't call ourselves experts on Kafka, we have a hard

time believing any of his major characters were ever prison-raped bySkeletor's disembodied head.
http://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/stream/photoID/481155/orderByID/http://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/stream/photoID/481155/orderByID/http://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castlehttp://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castlehttp://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/stream/photoID/481155/orderByID/http://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castlehttp://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castle


13/17

Viatiny_tearHey, let's check it out from the back:

Viaarchangeldeb

Seriously, there are some sights that are not meant to be seen when casually

tourist-hiking, and one of them is definitely a bronze scrotum. Which, by the

way, appears to have been crushed flat with a mallet.#9.The Faceless Crawling Horror Babies --Prague
http://www.flickr.com/photos/72111876@N00/47217223/http://www.flickr.com/photos/72111876@N00/47217223/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/72111876@N00/47217223/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/


14/17

ViaRadim

Beznoska / Isifa / Getty

If you go to the park in Prague, you'll occasionally see these big, bronzebabies crawling around. OK, that's ... weird, we think, but definitely not all

that insane. Oh, wait, here's more of them covering the localTV tower like

ants:

Viaprague-guide.co.uk

In case you've never suffered the symptoms of heroin withdrawal and still

don't see the problem, let's try taking the camera up front, and get a view of

their adorable little faces ...
http://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C5%BDi%C5%BEkov_Television_Towerhttp://www.prague-guide.co.uk/articles/david-%C4%8Dern%C3%BDs-sculptures.htmlhttp://www.prague-guide.co.uk/articles/david-%C4%8Dern%C3%BDs-sculptures.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C5%BDi%C5%BEkov_Television_Towerhttp://www.prague-guide.co.uk/articles/david-%C4%8Dern%C3%BDs-sculptures.html


15/17

Via Brad_King

AAAAAAAAAAA!

Those crawling nightmares are also the work of David Cerny, by the way. But

he can't be blamed for ...

#8.Fountain of Virtues -- Nuremberg

Viaedwhitaker
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wiredbeat2000/3593339732/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.davidcerny.cz/EN/babyKampa.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://www.flickr.com/photos/wiredbeat2000/3593339732/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.davidcerny.cz/EN/babyKampa.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/


16/17

If there's just one place in the world where you could safely take your pious

old grandmother, it would no doubt be Nuremberg, the German town

where some of theearliest bound Bibles were made and some really evil

people were finally brought to justice. And what would be a better sight

than the famous NurembergFountain of Virtues,made all the way back in

1589, when an iron caster decided to make a fountain that represented the

three theological and three cardinal virtues as women ...

... NO, GRANDMA! DON'T LOOK!

Viaedwhitaker

Yes, who would have thought that the ultimate virtue in the 16th century was

considered to be high-pressure lactation? Not you and your no-longer-in-

Grandma's-will ass, that's for sure. And in case you think this was one

random bad statue idea, head over to Bologna, Italy, and take a gander at the

deceptively named Neptune fountain:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberghttp://www.worldcollectorsnet.com/news/newstories/news674.htmlhttp://www.worldcollectorsnet.com/news/newstories/news674.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fountain_of_Neptune,_Bolognahttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberghttp://www.worldcollectorsnet.com/news/newstories/news674.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fountain_of_Neptune,_Bologna


17/17

ViaBouncey2k

She looks quite calm for someone with perforated breasts.

All right, Renaissance-period sculptor guy, that's even less biologically

believable than the last one. What's wrong with your women, Europe? Howthe hell did any of your children make it through the breast-feeding phase?

Read more:The 14 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Statues in the

World | Cracked.comhttp://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-

14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-

world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fontana_Nettuno_particolare.jpghttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fontana_Nettuno_particolare.jpghttp://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fontana_Nettuno_particolare.jpghttp://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7

the 14 most unintentionally terrifying statues in the world

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