the all blacks big secret

8/4/2019 The All Blacks BIG secret

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Level 1(Proficient)

Level 2(Proficient)

Level 3(Proficient)

Level 4(Proficient) (P

Uses simple linking and/orsequence language toconnect ideas, first, then.

Uses simple linking and/orsequence language toconnect ideas within andacross sentences, e.g., first,next, then, when.

Uses linking and/orsequence language toconnect ideas within andacross sentences.

Sustains appropriate andvaried linking and/or sequencelanguage.

Sustains varied linksequenceeffective

Attempts sectioning orparagraphing whereappropriate

Uses sectioning orparagraphing whereappropriate.

Uses parwhere ap

Uses some simple,command-like statements.

Uses command-likestatements with someelaboration.

Uses some features ofprocedural language, e.g.,imperatives, passive voice,data.

Uses most features ofprocedural language.

Uses featlanguage

Uses some topic-specificlanguage to instruct. Uses

mainly high frequency words

Uses some topic-specificlanguage.

Uses topic-specificlanguage.

Uses language appropriateto describing materialsand actions, e.g., actionverbs, adverbs, adjectives.

Uses language appropriate toclarifying procedure e.g.,action verbs, adverbs,adjectives.

May adjuinstruct a

Shows some understandingof pronoun use asappropriate

Shows some understandingpronoun use, as appropriate.

Largely controls pronounuse.

May record actions from apersonal perspective

Uses some languageappropriate to purpose andaudience.

Uses language that isgenerally appropriate topurpose and audience.

Uses language appropriate topurpose and audience.

Uses lang

LanguageResources

Uses mainly simplesentences, with somevariation in beginnings.

Uses Simple and compoundsentences, with somevariation in beginnings. Mayattempt complex sentencesappropriate to purpose.

Uses a variety of sentencestructures, beginnings, andlengths appropriate topurpose.

Uses a variety of sentencestructures, beginnings, andlengths appropriate to purposefor effect.

Uses a vastructureslengths apurpose fimpact. imperativ

Stru

cture

(con

tinued)


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Annotated Examples for Instruct Purpose

Audience Awareness and Purpose 2BRecognises the purpose of writing

attempts to instruct the reader and givesbasic information about how somethingmay be accomplished in steps, using theimperative form to tell the reader. Theprocedure is difficult to understandbecause so much shared knowledge isassumed (he does not even tell us what weare about to make until halfway through!) .To score higher than 2B Needs todevelop more knowledge of the ways inwhich this purpose may be accomplished intext. Needs to learn to interpret the needsof an audience to produce a text that canstand alone.

Content/Ideas 2BOnly some elements of procedure present(no title or goal statement, no headings, nolist of materials). Steps in the procedureare outlined, but are simple andunelaborated. Many instruction statementspresent and some advice statements.Some topic-related information is present(wings). No tangential information ispresent, but the procedure relies heavily oncontext and reader inference.To score higher than 2B Needs todemonstrate knowledge of procedureelements of goal-statement, materials list,show ability to use headings, and developa more comprehensive and elaborated setof steps in the procedure. (In summary,more content material and more domainelements are needed to get above this verybasic level.)

Structure/Organisation 2BUnderstands that procedures are about sequencing steps to theachievement of a goal. The procedure steps have a sequence tothem and some sequencing conjunctions are used to help structure,but there is no overall ordering or grouping in the text globally. Thereis no evidence to support a judgement that the writer knows how togroup and order across a text, because so little is written.To score higher than 2B This writer would need to show evidenceof ability to organise the text globally and use a wider variety ofconjunctions and text connectives to help with sequence.

Punctuation


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Language Resources 4PThis writer makes consistent use of topicspecific language throughout this procedure(rinse, chop, slice, mix, squeeze, etc).Imperative mood choice (commands)predominates but declarative (statements)are used to advise the reader and giveadditional information (good).To score higher than 4P This writer needsto work more on building a precise anddetailed account of the procedure to befollowed. She could do this by adding moredetail through increasingly precise selection

of adjectives, adjectivals and adverbials ofmanner (e.g., chop roughly, carefully slice,large ripe tomatoes, etc.).

Grammar 4PGood control of simple (Start cutting the tomatoes into slices orsmall squares) and compound sentences (First get the salad andtake off all the leaves that arent good). Some good use of complexsentences with multiple dependent clauses (If you want to top it alloff get some oranges and squeeze some orange in to have more

flavour). Has maintained consistent tense.To score higher than 4P This writer needs to clearer about how touse balanced construction such as either/or, if/then, etc.

Audience Awareness and Purpose 4BThis writer interprets the needs of herreaders and directs her language towardsthem (you might want to do the same withthe tomatoes, now you could either last butnot least ENJOY!, Be careful you dontcut yourself. The procedure is elaboratedand stands alone.To score higher than 4B This writer wouldneed to demonstrate an awareness of theprecision required in giving instructions. Forexample, she list equipment but does notincorporate its use into the procedure bytelling the reader what to use and when. Shedoes not specify amounts to be used in therecipe. When we take account of the familiarnature of the procedure, little inference isneeded.

Content /Ideas 4BGood use of procedure elements (title/goalstatement, headings, steps, instruction andadvice statements and reflections). Thewriter shows some reasonably well-developed knowledge about how toelaborate a procedure, but more precision isneeded to ensure clarity for readers. Onlyappropriate content is included.To score higher than 4B The procedureneeds to have more detailed content materialincluded. For example, what makes a leafnot good?

Structure/Organisation 4AThis writer has organised the content throughout this piece by use ofheadings (ignoring the fact that water is a need not an ingredient).

Within the procedure steps, numbers are used to show order but alsoused are conjunctions and text connectives, which serve to connectthe text and add to sequence (use of numbers and first, now, lastbut not least). Also note the sophisticated use of first positiondependent clauses to link ideas and preface an instruction (If youwant to top it all off, GET).

Punctuation 3PSentence and other basic punctuation mostly correct (!commas in lists, brackets, apostrophe for contraction). Anumber of misplaced or missing capital letters appear inthe first section. Some examples of more complexpunctuation include the correct use of colons and thecorrect use of a hyphen.To score higher than 3P This writer needs todemonstrate more facility with complex punctuation, i.e.,

more examples of use. Fewer errors would make herscore higher.

Spelling 4BFew errors. All HFW spelled correctly. Common spellingpatterns show good control. Errors are goodapproximations (ingredients, squeeze and the Americanflavor, which is not penalised), but there is little in theway of technical, multi-syllabic or irregular spelling in thispiece (lettuce is good, as is capsicum).To score higher than 4B This writer needs to

demonstrate that she can spell technical, multi-syllabic orirregular words.


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Grammar 6BGood control; the several lapses donot impact on clarity of meaning.

Punctuation 6BMinor difficulties but the

punctuation is accurate.

Language Resources 5AVocabulary is a good mix of casualand formal (hence the Level 5A),which keeps the friendly tone yet is

technically accurate for the needs ofplants and pets. Selection ofsentences forms is appropriate,especially where cautions orclarifications call for subordinatestructures.

Audience Awareness andPurpose 6B

Directly considerate of the audience(Mrs Kingi) with calm simplicityin tone and language selections.

Content/Ideas 6BExcellent range (according toinstructions). Mostly common senseadvice and guidance goodcoverage of possible difficulties..

Structure/Organisation 6BWell sectioned use ofsubheadings is appropriate andhelpful.

Spelling 6PAccurate spelling for a precise andappropriate set of words.


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Grammar 6BSeveral gross errors, agreement of

number and tense. Wrong wordclass on several occasions.

Punctuation 6PGood.

Language Resources 6ASevere formality initially. Someharsh word selections occupationin our house.

Audience Awareness andPurpose 5A

Changed name (to Mrs Rangi).Clear guidelines to needs andexplanations of supplies or actions.Tone not comfortable initially.Direct address used. Reads more

like an employment job descriptionthan information to help aneighbourly volunteer.

Content/Ideas 6PFluffels has food each day, but thefish is fed, like Fluffels once confused. Confused about thesatellite television situation. Fulldetails of expectations.

Structure/Organisation 6A

Initially not paragraphed, butorganised overall by topics ratherthan by specific pet. Sequence ofideas appropriate.

Spelling 5AUSA neighbors. Minor errors donot affect meaning.


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Grammar 6BSound control of the selection andconstruction of expressions minorissues with handling the mechanicsof these decisions.

Punctuation 5BSeveral concerns with confuseddash and comma combinations,including the use of capital letters(although handwriting may be theissue).

Language Resources 5PDirect and simple language.Sentences are generally well-controlled, but the addition of tagsand appositive statementschallenges the sentence control.

Audience Awareness andPurpose 5P

Minimal recognition and gratitude forthe offer. Condescendingsuggestion that your husband canhandle it. Direct address includesrecognising the personal situation of

Mrs Kingi as you have your ownpool Contact details at the endare considerate.

Content/Ideas 5PSufficient details for the tasks to becompleted. One task describedtwice! Clarifications read as after-thoughts. Help yourself to them really!

Structure/Organisation 5BIntroduction subheaded and

bulleted points conclusion. Well-organised sequence. Severalsentences have odd additions whichsit uncomfortably.

Spelling 5PSlips up with several straightforwardwords.

To achieve Level 6 The writerwould need toedit and increase theprecision and sequence of detailsfor each element.Edit thesentences for better control ofsubordinate or coordinateexpressions.


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Selected glossary of terms for the to instruct purpose

Purpose:- to describe how something may be done through a series of steps or actions and- make it possible for the reader to understand and duplicate the procedure being described.

Terms Explanation General exampleThe writer interprets the needs of the readers anddirects the language towards them.

You might want to do the same thing with thetomatoes. Be careful you dont cut yourself.

Writing styledirected to

audience Recognising the personal situation of the reader. Mrs Kingi, as you have your own poolMay adjustlanguage to bothinstruct and advise

Making a suggestion as opposed to giving aninstruction. Advice may be included to clarify theprocedure.

Season to taste (in a recipe).Dont push too hard or the plane will be off. Balance(in a set of instructions).

Topic - relatedinformation

Refer to topic specific words and language thatrelate particularly to the procedure.

rinse, chop, slice, mix, squeezepulse, paramedic, patient, respirator, CPR

Use of specialised/task appropriatelanguage

Consistent use of topic specific language throughoutthe task. Procedures use precise action verbsspecific to the task, e.g., diceor sliceinstead of cut.

tennis: slice, backhand, smash, deuce, directions:clockwise, turn 180 degrees, easterlyasthma: puffer, nebuliser, Ventolin

Evidence ofinstruction-likestatements

These are sentences that are commands orimperatives, where the subject of a command isoften left out, but it is understood as you.

Cut the paper into squares.Rub the butter in.

Concise use oflanguage

Adding more detail through selection of adjectives,adjectivals and adverbials of manner (the how).

large ripe tomatoes, lukewarm water, cut along thedotted line, carefully slice, trimrather than cut

Simple statements A statement is a sentence that tells or informs. Agoal statement is often included or a title thatidentifies the product to be made.

How to make a paper plane.

Command-likestatements

We use commands to get things done and to obtaingoods or services. The structure of a command issimple we drop the subject and the auxiliary anduse the main verb.

Place the mixture in the oven.Answer the phone.

Use of descriptorsto describematerials andactions.

Words or phrases used to add more description tothe subject, verb or object of a sentence.

Telling the reader how and where to do things: go tothe line, paint it on both sides, fold the paper longways

Action verbs Action verbs: are generally the more physicalactions that can be observed.

slice, put, glue, add, mix, cut, read, make, blow, fly,run, rub, slip, take

Imperatives Sentence for commands or instructions. Hold this! Take the second left. Pour the oil in.

Adverbs add detail and weight to the instruction.They give extra meaning to a verb, an adjective,another adverb or a whole sentence. Adding -ly toan adjective forms many adverbs, but there aremany that do not end in -ly.

In many cases, adverbs tell us:how (manner): slowly, carefully, lightly, quicklywhere (place): here, away, outsidewhen (time): now, tomorrow, laterhow often (frequency): often, never, regularlywhy(reason): because, so, in order to

Adverbs/Adjectives todescribe materialsand actions.

Adjectives build up information around the noun.They answer the question: which, whose, how many,what like or what type?

Describing materials:cotton, plastic, newsprintpaper, bluepaper, dottedline, racingbike, flattyre,frothymilk, boiledwater, two times

The reader is referred to in a generalised way by theomission of a pronoun.

First you break the egg or Break the egg.

Second person: the person(s) being addressed. you

Use generalisedother

Third person: what is being spoken about. he, she, it, theyCompound run-

on sentences

A run-on sentence consists of two or more main

clauses that are run together without using theproper punctuation.

The boy showed us his tickets someone gave them to

him.Make sure that the wings are right pickup theplane and push it out lightly.

Simple sentences Simple sentences have a single clause. They haveone main idea expressed as subject, verb andobject.

Start cutting the tomatoes into slices.Follow the path to the forest.

Complexsentences

Complex sentences contain at least one clause thatdoes not make sense without the other clause(s),i.e., the rest of the sentence.

If you want to top it all off get some oranges andsqueeze some orange juice in to have some flavour.Alternatively, put all the ingredients in a blender.

Completesentences

A sentence that is capable of standing alone and contains a subject and a predicate. Refer to the grammarpages for more information.

the all blacks big secret

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