the art of creative conflict 14 october 2007 marion balla, m.ed., m.s.w., r.s.w

The Art of Creative Conflict

14 October 2007

Marion Balla, M.Ed., M.S.W., R.S.W.www.adleriancentre.com

CMA Leaders’ Forum

1. What words do you associate with conflict?

2. What feelings do you associate with conflict?

3. On a scale of 1 (low) – 10 (high), what is your comfort level with conflict situations?

4. One strategy that you utilize which has been effective for you in managing conflict.

5. Earliest memory of being involved in a conflict situation.

We see things not as they are,

but as we are.

The Talmud


A mind stretched by a new idea cannot find a way to get back

into the previous container.

Oliver Wendall Holmes


1. Recall the best times you have had in managing conflict with individuals. Choose one experience where you felt most competent, most focused and most positive about your involvement. Summarize the circumstances.

2. What attitudes, skills and beliefs did you bring to the situation which helped create a positive result?


3. What are the strongest feelings you experienced as you worked through the conflict?

4. What did you learn from this experience that you have carried into your work today?


Appreciative Inquiry is based on a different set of assumptions. Here are some of them:

a) You create more effective organizations by focusing on what you want more of, not what you

want less of.

b) Whatever you want more of already exists, even if only in small quantities.


c) It’s easier to create change by amplifying the positive qualities of a group or organization than by trying to fix the negative qualities.

d) Through the act of inquiry, we create the social realities we are trying to understand.

e) Getting people to inquire together into the best examples of what they want more of creates its own momentum toward creating more positive organizations.


Transforming – make a thorough or dramatic change in the form, outward

appearance, character, etc.

Conflict - a state of opposition or hostilities; a fight or struggle; clashing of

opposed

principles, values, ideas, etc.

Definitions


Creative - able to create things in an imaginative way; inventive; of or involving the skillful and imaginative use of something to produce, e.g. a work of art, new approaches to old issues.

Collaboration - doing something together. It is the desire or need to create or discover something new, while thinking and working with others, that

distinguishes the action.


Ap-pre’ci-ate – valuing; the act of recognizing the best in people or the world around us; affirming past and present

strengths, successes, and potentials; to perceive those things that give life (health, vitality, excellence) to the living systems.

In-quire’ - the act of exploration and discovery.


Reactions to Uncertainty in Change Process

In times of uncertainty- new dynamics appear- old ones intensify

Uncertainty = Increased fear

As fear rises:- focus on security and safety- tendency to withdraw – more self serving and defensive- focus on smaller details (what we can control)- more difficult to work together- can’t focus on big picture


Physiological Impacts of Fear

Stress deprives human brain of the ability to see patterns.

People become reactive.

Lose capacity to see their work as part of larger system.

Physical problems (sleep, restlessness, sudden anger, unpredictable tears.)


Stressed people lose ability to see patterns – big picture.

Overloaded people – have no time or interest to look beyond immediate demands.

This is a vicious ‘cycle’.

Focus People on the Bigger Picture


Therefore, essential to provide processes that bring people together – to learn from on another – perspectives and challenges.

Otherwise, individual and organizational intelligence decline.



Informal gatherings – bring people together to decompress, relax – listen to on another.- Conversations and story telling – help people to

connect at deeper, more reflective level not available through charts and PowerPoint

presentations.

People lose perspective on how they need this time – until they find what they have been missing –

they will resist this informal approach.



All there isto control

Situations I can affect

Situations I can control

Span of Control


Models of Interpersonal Communication

ACTION

REACTIONS AND INTERPRETATIONINTENT

SENDERFILTER FILTER

RECEIVER


When you blame others,

you give up your

power to create change.


Personal Vulnerabilities

Identify a person with whom you have had frequent problems.

a) List one of his/her problems/difficulties which causes you concern.

b) Give specific examples of the problem and/or difficulties described in (a).

c) List the strengths/positives this person possesses.


Personal Vulnerabilities

d) List YOUR values as a person e.g. honesty, cleanliness.

e) How did you react to and feel about the specific incidents related in question (b)?

f) How did your reaction and/or feeling help or hinder your relationship with this person?

g) What alternative do you have in continuing to deal with this particular difficulty.


Reactive Language is characterized by statements such as:

There’s nothing I can do.

That’s just the way I am.

He makes me so mad.

They won't allow that.

I have to do that.

I can’t.

I must.

If only.


Proactive Language is characterized by statements such as:

Let’s look at our alternatives.

I can choose a different approach.

I control my own feelings.

I can create an effective presentation.

I will choose an appropriate response.

I choose.

I prefer.

I will.


Six Paradigms of Interaction

Win/Lose

Lose/Win

Lose/Lose

Win

Win/Win

Win/Win or No Deal


Skills in Conflict Resolution

1) Deal with Present and Future

2) Use "I" messages

3) Do not establish rightness or wrongness

4) Solve one issue at a time

5) Do it now

6) Say what you think and feel


Skills in Conflict Resolution

7) Change habitual responses

8) Allow time to change

9) Accept responsibility

10) Avoid negating non-verbal messages

11) Be accurate, factual and relate from your perceptions

12) Listen and hear the beliefs and feeling behind thewords


The Five Stages of a Collaborative Conversation

1. Clarify the purpose of the conversation.

2. Gather divergent views and perspectives.

3. Build shared understanding of divergent views and perspectives.

4. Create “new” options by connecting different views.

5. Generate a conversation for action.


Steps of InferenceActions I take

Conclusions I draw

Beliefs I have

Assumptions I make

Meaning I add

Data I select

I observe data and experience


Research on humour shows that children laugh 200 times a day and

adults laugh10 times a day.


when my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails

anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.

Rebecca – age 8

Love is…


when someone loves you, the way they say your name is

different. You just know that you name is safe in their mouth

Billy – Age 4

Love is…


when a girl puts on perfume and a

boy puts on shaving cologne and they go and smell each

other.

Karl – Age 5

Love is…


when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to

make sure the taste is OK.

Danny – Age 7

Love is…


what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

Bobby – Age 7

Love is…


like a little old woman and a little

old man who are still friends even after they know each

other so well.

Tommy – Age 6

Love is…


when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.

Clare – Age 6

Love is…


when your puppy licks your face

even after you left him alone all day.

Mary Ann – Age 4

Love is…


when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down

and little stars come out of you.

Karen – Age 7

Love is…


when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think

it’s gross.

Mark – Age 6

Love is…


My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see

anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.

Elaine – Age 5

Love is…


I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her

old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.

Lauren – Age 4

Love is…


You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you

mean it, you should say it a lot. People

forget.

Jessica – Age 8

Love is…


If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a

friend that you hate.

Nikka – Age 6

Love is…


Professional Development Action Plan

1. What do I wish to do differently in transforming conflict situations as a result of this workshop?

2. What goal will I set for myself to ensure this will happen?

3. The most useful information/skills I am taking away from today…

4. How will I ensure that this information and/or these skills will impact on the workplace.


When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world;

As I grew older and wiser I realized the world would not change.

And I decided to shorten my sights somewhat and change only my country.But it too seemed immovable.

As I entered my twilight years, in one lastdesperate attempt, I sought to changeonly my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.


And now here I lie on my death bed andrealize (perhaps for the first time) that ifonly I’d changed myself first, then by example I may have influenced myfamily and with their support I may have bettered my country, and who knowsI may have changed the world.

Anglican Bishoparound 1100 A.D.

Crypts of Westminster Abbey


the art of creative conflict 14 october 2007 marion balla, m.ed., m.s.w., r.s.w

Documents

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art of creative conflict

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new dynamics

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