the beast inside

8/9/2019 The Beast Inside

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In the summer 1986 I began exchanging dreams by

mail with Sue. For four or five months, she regularly

sent me her dreams and I regularly sent her mine. Even

though I never met Sue in person, I had six dreams inwhich she appeared.

Sue and I were both in our early 30s. She lived with

her husband and son in California, while I haled from


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the Appalachian hills of southeastern Ohio. For most

of the last three years I had been practicing law in the

Dallas, Texas area.At the time I had met Sue, however, I had taken off

from the practice of law and was concentrating more

on recording my dreams, little understanding where

the recording would finally lead. In Sue's case, it led

to the story contained in these six dreams.

Dream of: 30 July 1986 "The Beast Inside"

My brother Chris (who died in 1974, crippled with

muscular dystrophy) and I had gone to the Gay Street

House (the large Victorian house in Portsmouth, Ohiowhere my father lived) to search for my father. When

we didn't find my father at the House, Chris and Iwalked a couple blocks to Tracy Park and lay down nextto each other. After we had pulled some blankets over

us, Chris asked me if I had forgotten to tell him

something which my grandmother Mabel had told me. Isaid, "Oh, yea. She wanted to wish you a happy

birthday."Having recently had a birthday, Chris had apparently
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been keeping track of all the people who had wishedhim Happy Birthday. He seemed a bit hurt because I

had forgotten to do so.I felt close to Chris and I wanted to hold him in myarms and kiss him, but since quite a few people werearound, I was unsure kissing him in the park would be

appropriate.I told him I needed to go somewhere and I asked him

if he wanted to remain there in the park. He said hedid. Apparently he didn't get out much and he likedjust lying in the cool park. I turned him on to his side

(he couldn't turn himself over due to the musculardystrophy) and I left him lying there.

I walked back to the Gay Street House and standing

outside I found a black woman whom I had earlier leftat the House and who needed to talk with my fatherabout something. She lived in a house (I had been there

before) a couple houses distant from the Gay StreetHouse.

She began telling me about a house she owned on NinthStreet in Portsmouth which she rented out. I asked

her how much the rent was and she replied that it was$75 every six weeks.

That appeared to be very cheap to me. I told her that


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I was presently studying and that I might beinterested in renting the house. When she wanted to

know what I would do in the house after I graduated, Itold her that I needed a studio in which to do some

work and that I didn't want to live there. The thoughtof actually living in the house did, however, cross my

mind. Mainly, however (rather than for living quarters),I thought the house would be an accommodating place

to create art-collages because I would have the amplespace which I needed.When the black woman finally asked me if I wouldfetch her at her home two houses away when my

father returned, I told her I would. She then walkedaway and I walked into the Gay Street House.

There, in one of the middle rooms, I found my sister as well as a number of letters and cassette tapes whichhad arrived for me. Although the tapes were fromother people to me, they had my voice on them.

After I had begun sorting through the letters (theremust have been 20), I suddenly realized the letters

were all copies. Apparently my father had opened theletters and made the copies, and I didn't know what hehad done with the originals. I complained to my sisterabout what had happened. Apparently she had told my
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father not to interfere with my mail, but he had doneso anyway.

The letters were responses from people (whoseaddresses I had found in a publication called theDream Network Bulletin) to whom I had written

concerning dreams. I had originally sent the sameletter to everyone and had explained that I was

involved with several different types of experiments

involving dreams. I had mentioned in the letter that Ihad already been working on my dreams with Sueforquite a while. I said I realized that I hadn't beenworking with Sue as closely as I needed and that I

thought I should quickly contact her and explain that Iwas bringing a number of other people into the dream

circle. I hoped Sue would be interested in becominginvolved with a group of people working on dreams.I began telling my sister about the dream experiments,

and as I talked, she and I walked down into thebasement. For one experiment I had stopped eatingsugar, and as a result, I was experiencing an effect

upon my mind. I basically said, "What prompted me todo that is that I read something about LSD laced withsugar, how that the sugar affected the LSD, so that aperson wasn't able to experience the complete effects
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of the LSD because of the sugar."Another fellow (about 30 years old) showed up. He

reminded me of a law school friend, Brian, and of mybest friend from my college years, Weinstein. Severalother people were also in the basement, among whom I

thought I saw my friend Kim.The fellow had invested in some equipment and a

laboratory had been set up in the basement to conduct

some experiments. When I saw the equipment, Ithought I would like to work with some of it. The fellowhad some large sacks of a rather expensive substance

with which he could make molds. I asked him aboutusing it. I knew I would have to spend money if I diduse it. He showed me how to make a substance which

looked like Styrofoam. He made several squares of theStyrofoam-like substance. The sides of the squaresmeasured about 30 centimeters.

We intended to next make a flexible green magneticpiece to put atop the Styrofoam squares. The fellow

had a large sack of pinkish powder which he poured intoanother container in order to make the green magneticpiece. I wasn't exactly sure what we were going to do

with the finished product.Somehow, my sister managed to get some of the
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substance (for the the green magnetic piece) insideher. She immediately turned into a monster which

resembled a werewolf. When she started to attack me,I called her "Susan Moore" (a name of no special

significance to me) and I began talking soothingly toher and controlling her hypnotically with my eyes. Ithus appeared to be able to control the beast inside

her.

What appeared to be a small lake lay in the middle ofthe room. I knew that in order to cure my sister wewould need to put her into a small boat we had thereand push her out into the middle of the lake. I kepttalking with her until I had her in the boat, then we

pushed her into the lake.

We then would be able to begin working on a project toturn her back to her normal self.

I was not quite certain exactly what a normal self was.

Sue and I read each other's dreams and we learned

much about each other. Our goal was unspecified, but

we both seemed intent on learning who we really were.

I thought I might better understand myself if I could

see myself in Sue's dreams, and at the same time, I

thought Sue would be able to see herself in the dreams
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which I had of her.

I thought this plan would work well, and to a large

extent it did. However, when one person dreams ofanother person, the resulting dream character is a

product of both the dreamer and the dreamed one.

Thus the character in the dream becomes an amalgam

of who the person actually is and of the dreamer's

perceptions of the person.

Dream of: 18 August 1986 (2) "Seth"I had gone to my one-room Cabin (built on a high hill in

southeastern Ohio). I seemed a bit distraught andapparently hoped the solitude of the forest would help

me regain some direction after recent travels.While in the Cabin, I began listening to a cassette tape

which I had received from Sue. As I listened to thetape, it almost seemed as if I were actually talking with

Sue on the phone instead of listening to a tape. Shehad apparently made the tape during the morning

because she said she wanted to finish the tape beforeshe received her "noon call". I surmised that someone

was supposed to call her at noon.As she talked, I could hear voices in the background.At first I thought Sue must have visitors but then

realized the voice was her son's. Sue began telling me a
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little story about her son (about 5 years old). The boywas apparently quite difficult to control and often

demanded to have his way. One day Sue, her husbandand the boy had been eating at a table. The boy had

had a chicken leg and had thrown it on the ground afterhaving taken only a bite of it.

Sue said that she and her husband had reacted in aprearranged manner. Apparently they had been reading

a book which described what to do in a circumstancelike that. They immediately began telling the boy of thesuffering through which animals go so humans will be

able to eat meat. Their intent was to implant in the boythe idea of not eating meat.

Sue went on to say that sensitive writers living in

cabins in the forest weren't the only people whothought about such things and that people living in themidst of society were also concerned. I knew basically

to what she was referring. I remembered incorrespondence to her I had once rather assertivelybrought up the topic of vegetarianism, even though I

hadn't thought Sue was a vegetarian. I had laterwondered if she might have been affronted with my

militant attitude concerning vegetarianism. I nowthought that although she still wasn't a vegetarian, she


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was giving the concept of vegetarianism seriousthought.

She continued talking and when she said somethingfunny, laughter echoed in the background. I thoughtshe must have a laugh-tape which she could play whenshe wanted to have laughter accompany her. It almost

seemed as if her tape had a certain premeditateddesign. I could imagine her sitting in a small studio with

television and radio controls as she made the tape.When the laughter occurred again at an inappropriateplace, however, I realized the laughter was emanatingfrom a television playing in the background. It sounded

as if the show "I Love Lucy" might be playing and Ithought her son was probably watching the show. When

Sue apparently realized the background noise wascoming through the tape, she said that she had learnedto block it out and that she had thought I probably had

also learned to block it out. I, however, really wasn'tcertain I had ever managed to shut out background

noise like that.While Sue was talking to me, a woman came to visit her.Sue was sitting in what appeared to be a laundry room,

and when the woman walked in, I immediately had aclear image of her (about 30 years old) sitting down in


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a chair and pulling her legs up in front of her on thechair. She was slender and dressed all in white a

white shirt and white pants. After the woman begantalking, I had the feeling she wasn't saying much of any

consequence. She was probably just a neighbor or alocal friend.

Sue went on to other topics and the woman disappearedfrom my mind. As I continued to listen, I still had the

feeling the tape was somehow arranged in a definiteorder. I didn't think that Sue had gone to greatefforts in arranging the tape, but just that she had a

natural talent for such arrangement. It somehowreminded me of the arrangement of a symphony.

I had noticed several times during the course of the

tape that Sue had addressed me by the name "Helen".In fact she had never called me by my actual name, buthad always called me "Helen". I thought that must

mean something, but what? Perhaps Sue knew someonenamed Helen and Sue was confusing me with that

person. The only person I knew whose name was Helenwas Helen Buckner (the mother of my high schoolfriend, Buckner), who I thought was a bit loony. I

didn't think the name "Helen" as Sue was using it hadanything to do with Helen Buckner.
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Then it occurred to me that Sue wasn't in her normalstate of consciousness when she was communicating

with me. She was calling me a name that hadsignificance to her in that state of consciousness and

would also have significance to me if I were in analtered state of consciousness. Indeed I felt as if mystate of consciousness were beginning to shift into an

altered state and I was somewhat apprehensive.

I remembered Sue had read some books by the writerJane Roberts which dealt with an entity named "Seth"which communicated to Jane when she was in a trance.

It also occurred to me that Seth had given Jane adifferent name when he communicated with her. Wasthat the type of thing which was happening here? Was

Sue in a trance-like state and giving me a name thatactually did belong to me?The name "Helen" was obviously feminine. Seth had alsotalked much about reincarnation. Was Helen a name Ihad had as a woman in a previous life? As the thoughtsswirled in my mind I slowly realized I was going deeperand deeper into another state of consciousness. It wasa pleasant feeling, but I was still apprehensive. I wasalso concerned whether Sue, who was to some extentleading me into this state, knew what she was doing.
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Recalling that I had previously thought Sue and I couldexplore some mysteries and subtleties of reincarnation

together, my curiosity far exceeded my apprehension.Sue said her daughter (7-8 years old) wanted to speak

with me. The girl's voice came on the tape and shemumbled some kind of thanks for a package of candywhich I had sent her. It somewhat puzzled me that I

was speaking to Sue's daughter because I didn't

exactly remember her having a daughter. However Idid recall having sent a small box of chocolates tosomeone in Sue's family. Sue came back on the tapeand said, "They couldn't have been happier with the

box of candy you sent them, Helen."Still in an different state of consciousness, I heard

music come on the tape. I thought the music wasanother example of Sue's arrangement of the tape. Ihad on earphones with which I was listening to the

music. The right ear phone was broken and wasbothering me somewhat. The music seemed like a

symphony. I didn't pay much attention at first, but asthe music gradually became more intense, I realized

how beautiful it was. It almost seemed to take hold ofme and I became caught in it, almost as if I werefloating on a stream of music. I didn't remember


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having ever had such an experience. What anexhilarating way for Sue to be communicating with me!

Exchanging dreams with Sue definitely raised my level

of consciousness. Metaphorically, I did seem to have a

beast inside me. If not a werewolf, at least a wolf. I

had difficulty enjoying people's company. I thought of

myself as a likeable person, but in reality I sometimes

was not friendly. I saw crassness in the world and Ididn't know how to deal with it.

I had been born in rural Appalachia, in the town of

Gallipolis, Ohio and I seemed to have remained close to

my roots. I have often been reclusive, often shutting

myself off from the world. By reaching out to Sue,

however, I was attempting to change my werewolfnature into something presentable.

Dream of: 25 December 1986 (2) "Gloomy in

Gallipolis"

I had received a letter from Sue, who also seemedsomewhat like Judith (a Dallas acquaintance several

years older than I). I opened the letter and beganskimming over the type-written first page, the lines of

which were spaced so two lines were close together,then a blank line, then two lines close together again on
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down the page. I realized the first page consisted of adream which Sue had written for me. I didn't read it

closely, but simply raced over it to glean the generalidea.

In the dream Sue seemed to be describing to a childsome pleasant event with which she had been involved.Finally on the last few lines of the dream Sue wrote

that she had to hurry up and do something before she

heard from "Gloomy in Gallipolis."Although my name wasn't mentioned, clearly thereference was to me and I had the impression Sue

might have become displeased with me. Immediatelyafter the dream, Sue began her letter to me with,

"Dear Steve,". With an idea of what she was going to

say, I flipped to the end of the letter and saw that Sueclearly wanted to stop our correspondence. She wrote"Farewell until ...." It seemed she wanted to leave openthe possibility of correspondence again at some future

date.The letter reminded me of one I had received once

from someone else. I was sad that Sue wanted to stopcorresponding.

Immediately after the letter was another dream. Sueseemed to have added the dream as an afterthought
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and it appeared as if she were saying the dream wasthe kind of dream which she was interested in having. I

glanced at the dream and noticed the names of anumber of French artists, including the name

"Montaigne".Following that dream was still another short dream

which apparently had been written about a year earlierand which was another example of the kind of dream

Sue relished. At the top of the dream was a notationwhich looked like "140 Fugue A". The notation wasapparently some kind of musical reference and

corresponded to the tempo of the dream, whichappeared to be very fast.

The frequent reference to music in the dreams inwhich Sue appears is surprising, since none of our

relationship involved music. The music, therefore,

seems a metaphor. The way the sounds of two musical

instruments combine into one sound resembles the way

my reading of Sue's dreams combined with my own

thoughts to produce my dreams of her. These dreams,

as music might, have worked to appease the so-called

beast within me.


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Dream of: 19 January 1987 "Fortune Cookies"

I found myself drifting on the ocean on what appeared

to be a small raft, really not much more than a board.Much of the time I would just hang in the water,

holding on. A couple familiar people (one of whom wasRamey, a debauched friend from my late teens) were

on similar rafts nearby. Suddenly concerned, I holleredand asked Ramey if he thought any sharks were in the

water. He replied that sharks were definitely aroundthere, but he neither thought that there were manynor that they were very dangerous. I clambered as wellas I could onto the board and just hoped we would soon

be out of there.I soon received my wish because I spotted land,

although not as I had expected. Suddenly, as I lookedto my side, one house after another raced by as I rodemy raft over high billowing waves. We now seemed to

be floating down a rapid river and I didn't know how tostop. I hollered to the others who hadn't yet noticed

the situation and they likewise became alarmed.When we somehow finally managed to land on shore, Ilooked at what I had been riding: lying on the shore,the raft now resembled a simple pile of hay. I talked

with Ramey and the other person and I became
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concerned because other rafts had been carrying allour possessions, including all my clothes. The other

rafts were nowhere to be found and apparently hadbeen lost at sea.

Ramey and the other person said they were going tosearch for the lost possessions and they immediately

departed. I was uncertain what to do. A cottage sat ona hill close to where we had landed, but I didn't want

to go there. It suddenly occurred to me I wascompletely nude except for a tee shirt. When I saw adark tee shirt lying on the shore, I thought I could

perhaps cover myself with it.Confused about what I should do next, I soon foundmyself sitting on a couch talking on the phone. I had

meant to call someone in Europe about my goingtraveling to Europe. I had reached a number in Englandand I was talking with a woman who, although I didn'trealize it at the time, seemed remotely like Sue, and

who was apparently a secretary for some kind oforganization in England. I explained to her that I

planned to travel to Europe and work for aninternational-type of organization. She seemed dubious

about the nature of the group and she began talkingabout a group with a bad reputation. The group to


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which she was referring was based in Great Britain. Itold her the group wasn't the one to which I was

referring. I did have some reservations, however,about the group about which I was talking, which wasrun by a black man (whom I didn't know) who seemed

somewhat like Love Johnson (a Dallas businessacquaintance).

I began telling the woman on the phone about the

incident on the raft and how I had lost all mypossessions among which had been a satchel of books. Itold her that I had specially acquired the books and

that I liked to have them with me. When she asked mewhat the books were, I described one as a French bookin which I had been interested and I told her another

was a German book entitled Traumdeutungby SigmundFreud. A third book was Seth Speaks. I told her Ialways liked to have my Seth book with me.

At my side I carried one satchel which I had been ableto save and which contained about a half-dozen blacknotebooks which contained my typed-up dreams. I hadbecome accustomed to carrying my dreams (my mostvalued possession) with me. It was a good thing I had

or they too would have been lost.I continued talking on the phone with the woman, until
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I finally decided that the call was probably costing alot of money and that I should hang up. Just as I said

good-bye, I realized the woman was no longer on thephone. I didn't know whether she had become tired of

listening to me and had hung up or whether we hadbeen cut off. I put the phone back on the receiver.Immediately I realized that I was at my mother'shome and that I had been talking long distance to

England for probably 20 minutes! That was probablygoing to cost about $40. Why hadn't I used a creditcard? I had a calling card, but if I had used it, it would

have been charged to my step-grandfather Clarenceand my grandmother Mabel so that was no good. I

would just have to send the money to my mother when

the bill came.When I stood up and walked into the toilet to brush myteeth, I saw my mother with an electric sweeper in anadjoining bedroom, headed for the toilet. There just

seemed to be no place to go to get away from herconstant cleaning. Disgruntled by her presence I left

the house.I knew exactly where I wanted to go and I soon found

myself seated at a table in what appeared to be akitchen of a house. Sitting across from me was a woman
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(probably in her 40s). She was a fortune teller and Ihad come to have my fortune told. She had already told

my fortune once and now I wanted her to tell it again.To tell fortunes she used chocolate chip cookies. Shedealt out 30 cookies in front of me, lining them up in

rows almost as if they were cards. I immediatelynoticed (and thought it significant) that the first andlast cookies had been the same first and last cookies

with which she had started, even though she hadshuffled the cookies before beginning. She rearrangedthe cookies after she had laid them out, but the firstand last ones still remained the same, which pleased

me.When I picked up one cookie, she told me that it looked

as if music was important and that I had picked up thecookie of the musician Franz Schubert. I thought Imight ought to find out more about Schubert. I wasunsure, but it seemed to me he had died when he had

been 40 years old. I was already 34.We proceeded. I was supposed to look at the back ofthe cookie and tell the woman what I saw. She asked

me why I was holding the cookie so she couldn't see it.I told her I wasn't, it just looked that way because the

cookie was crumbling. I showed it to her and she saw
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what I meant. When I then gobbled down the cookieand picked up another, she mentioned that I could take

my time. She said if other people came to have theirfortunes told, they would just have to wait.

Nevertheless, I had the feeling I would need to gofaster if others came.

When I picked up another cookie and looked at it, Ibegan thinking I was going to go to Europe soon and I

was concerned about what I was going to do there.Wondering how I was going to be spending my time inEurope, I said, "I see that I must look for work and not

spend my days reading and writing."When I noticed Frieda (a Dallas attorney) sitting in a

chair in the kitchen, I didn't particularly want her

hearing what I had to say, even though I wasn'tparticularly concerned with her presence.I ate the cookie and picked up another. Some

concentration was required before anything came tomind, but then I noticed a round ugly face seemed tobe on the cookie with one tooth sticking up from the

bottom lip. It reminded me of people I would probablyencounter when looking for work. I said, "I see many

crass people in this world who I must learn to deal withbetter."
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When I spoke I became rather choked up. I realizedthat I definitely had difficulty sometimes dealing with

people, especially those I didn't know, and that Ineeded to become less isolated and work on improving

my communication skills.I laid the cookie to the side and asked the woman if Icould simply take some cookies with me when I left to

eat later. She said that would be fine. I thought I

might take some to my mother. I knew that my motherwould know where the cookies came from and that shewould be pleased since she believed in fortune tellers.

From where I was sitting I could see into the frontroom. A short thin man (about 50 years old) entered.

He apparently was another client for the fortune

teller. I hurried and picked up another cookie.The cookie seemed more crumbly on the back than theothers. One crumb (which was about to fall off)

reminded me of a door. Other crumbs below it lookedlike steps and I imagined them leading down into a red

fiery hell. I said, "I see the door to hell opening. I havesometimes ventured down there just to see what it is

like and at times have lost my way there."

I must have also lost my way with Sue, for our dream


24/35

exchange came to an end. I had definitely become less

isolated and had improved my communication skills

since I had been exchanging dreams with Sue, but Iwas still primarily absorbed in myself.

Dream of: 16 July 1987 "Facing Issues"

I had unexpectedly called up Sue and was talking withher on the phone. She didn't seem all that surprised to

hear from me and we began a rather relaxedconversation. It was surprising how familiar her voicesounded. Although I had rarely spoken with her, itseemed as if her voice was one I had often heard,

albeit not recently.I did remember having talked with her by phone

perhaps a month before, but her voice seemed a bitdifferent now. Perhaps it was the ease with which sheseemed to be approaching me that seemed a little

different. I had the feeling we both felt familiar witheach, much more than I had expected when I had

called her.Although the familiarity between us was pronounced, I

felt as if Sue were seeking to maintain a certaindistance from me. A slight, yet evident, chill pervaded

her tone.


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Our conversation quickly turned quite naturally to thedreams we had been exchanging so long with each other

and it occurred to me that our dream exchange was thebasis of our familiarity with each other. I really hadn'trealized it before, but we had come to know each otherquite well through reading each others dreams, and Ifelt a certain bonding had occurred between us as a

result of our dream exchange. Actually the revelation

was a little surprising, because I didn't think we hadbeen communicating well lately, and to a large extent, Ihad put Sue from my mind. In fact, I had some

concerns as to whether she even wanted to continueour exchange.

Now that I was talking with her, I felt some basis for

those concerns. I also felt we were actually closer thaneither of us may have realized. Something in Sue'smanner of speaking gave me the impression that eventhough she was experiencing doubts about our dreamexchange, she still had a longing that something more

solid could develop between us.I thought part of the problem might be that we hadrarely talked to each other about what we actually

thought about the other as a result of having read eachother's dreams. I broached that subject and Sue
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immediately said I hadn't been forthcoming in tellingher much of my impressions of her from reading her

dreams. I admitted that was true and I thought Iwould like to change that. I would like to tell her what

I thought.Although we had been very frank and open about

exchanging our dreams with each other, we hadn't beenopen about exchanging our opinions about each other.

Part of the reason I hadn't told Sue much about myopinion of her was because I was worried that I wouldtend to be critical of her and that I might offend her.I was beginning to see just a little that not expressing

my opinion of her hadn't been the best way to go. Irealized I really didn't have to be all that worried

about criticizing Sue, because actually I liked theperson she fundamentally was. So any criticisms Imight have wouldn't go to the nature of her being, but

would just touch upon some of her attributes. Ofcourse (I rather ironically thought) one of her

attributes I might criticize was her unwillingness tohear criticism.

Another problem which had been a result of our notbeing open and frank in our exchange of opinions, wasthat I was unsure what Sue really thought about me,


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and I was concerned she had concluded something waswrong with me. I thought that was part of the reason

for the chilly attitude which she seemed to beprojecting. I felt as if she had been having doubtsabout whether I was a person she could trust andwhether I was a person she really wanted to feel

bonded to. I still didn't know exactly what she hadseen in my dreams which made her think that.

So I probed a little further and I sketchily revealedmy feelings about our not having freely exchangedopinions of each other. I could tell the subject hadbeen on her mind, too, even though she didn't seemquite ready to discuss it. She seemed reluctant toactually tell me what she thought about me and she

seemed to want to know if I really wanted her to dothat. I rather emphatically said, "I would like to know."I had spoken rather loudly, and it suddenly occurred tome that some other people in the room could hear me.In fact I was in a fast-food restaurant, and although I

didn't see any other customers, four or five youngwomen (dressed in maroon outfits) behind the counter

had obviously heard what I had said. I felt a littleembarrassed because I thought the young women

probably thought that I was talking with my girlfriend


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and that I had just told her I would like to knowwhether she liked me. I would have liked to have told

them that wasn't the case at all. I said to Sue,"There's a whole room full of people standing here

looking at me."Sue finally seemed as if she were beginning to want totalk a little more about the subject. She said, "Don't

you think you talk an awful lot about yourself?"

Apparently she was referring to my dreams and myemphasis on myself in my dreams. I didn't think thatwas unusual and I answered, "No more than anybody

else."I also wanted to tell her I regarded myself as an

ordinary person doing a rather unordinary thing by

writing my dreams.As we continued talking I noticed music playing in thebackground. At first I thought it was playing over anintercom system in the restaurant, but I gradually

realized the music was coming through the phone onSue's end. It sounded as if she must have her stereo

on. Gradually the music became louder and louder and itsounded as if someone were actually playing it in her

house. Mainly it was just one instrument playing,probably a saxophone. I finally concluded either Sue's
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husband or son was playing it.The music had become so loud, it was difficult for us to

carry on the conversation. I finally realized whoeverwas playing the music might be trying to let Sue know

she should get off the phone. I hadn't bothered to askSue when I had called if she were busy, so I finally

asked her if I were interrupting anything. She said Iwasn't, and she tried to get the music to stop, but it

continued. Finally she said it might be better if shecalled me back in a few minutes. I didn't want her tofeel compelled to make a long distance call to me and Ithought I could call her back. Finally she said, "Check

back at 5:59 and I think you'll find me here."With that, we hung up. I had thought I would be calling

her back in about 10 minutes, but when I looked at theclock I saw it was only about 5:10.I was uncertain what I should do in the meantime. On

the floor sat a tray from which I had apparently eatensome food. I saw a Canadian nickel on the tray and

picked up the nickel, not wanting to leave it behind. Igathered up some other things of mine. Still hungry, I

thought I might order something else to eat, butnothing on the menu on the wall looked that good. I sawsome kind of vegetarian submarine sandwich with black


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olives which cost $3.01, but I decided not to orderanything. I decided I would probably just take the

elevator up to the upper story where I was living andfix myself something to eat.

Feeling pretty good about having talked with Sue, Iwanted to get back on the phone with her. It looked asif we both had a stake in this matter and as if we mightbe able to progress if we would face issues rather than

neglecting them.

Our dream exchange had ended. Questions about

reincarnation and communicating with other entities

would remain unanswered. At least I had had the

unusual experience of dreaming about someone whom I

had never actually met in person. That had beenexhilerating.

Dream of: 10 October 1987 "Woody Allen Movie"

I was passing through Columbus, Ohio and since Ithought I might be there for a few hours, I considered

going to a movie. I began looking through the moviesection of a newspaper and saw a movie withWoody

Allen advertised for only 35 cents. It appeared to beon the same theme as The Godfather, except Allen
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was going to play the part of the godfather. The adsaid the movie was extremely good and I thought I

would like to see it. It started about 9:30 p.m. Since itwas still afternoon, I thought I might go to a couple

other movies first.As I continued looking through the movie section,

Weinstein (my best friend in my teen years) crossedmy mind and I thought about how he often went to

movies. I basically thought, "I've gone to a lot ofmovies in my life and they've kind of formed like areservoir of ideas in my mind. But it seems like I have

not worked with that reservoir quite as well asWeinstein might be working with his reservoir of movie

themes that are in his mind."

I could see the movies in my mind held much creativepotential, but I hadn't yet seemed to grasp onto them.***

I had rented a small yellow car which I thought I wouldbe able to drive around to the different movie

theaters. I looked at the address of one movie theaterwhich was on State Street. It suddenly occurred to methat Sue lived in Columbus and that she lived on StateStreet. I thought perhaps I would go see Sue, but I

hesitated because I hadn't called her first and I
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thought simply showing up would probably beembarrassing. I continued thinking about it.

***On a bicycle, I pulled up in front of a large old brickhouse where Sue lived. Standing on the front porch,she didn't look like Sue. She was a short woman with

kinky brown hair. When I noticed she had stackedsomething on the front porch, I thought she might

have been doing some wash. She appeared to bewearing a gray tee shirt and a pair of pants.When I nonchalantly said something to her, she seemedsurprised to see me. We began talking and I told her Irealized I hadn't written to her in a long time. I went

on to explain that that didn't mean I hadn't been

thinking about her. I explained that I simply wentthrough stages when I might not write for a while, butthen I might write a whole lot all at once.

I had never actually seen Sue in person and I wasactually a bit embarrassed being there with her. At thesame time, I felt an extremely strong, almost magneticforce drawing me toward Sue, even while feeling as if I

wanted to get away from her. I was unsure she evenwanted me around or whether I should be around her.All the while I was standing up on the bicycle with it
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between my legs. Finally Sue walked over close to meand began talking. She said several things, mentioned

her mother, talked about kissing and said somethingabout a book. Finally she said, "The underlying theme of

the book is whether you will kiss or won't kiss me."She was standing directly to my left. I began thinking I

would very much like to kiss her, but it was difficultfor me to believe she would want to do the same thing.

I reached out, put my arms around her and barelytouched her lips with mine. Her obvious willingness tokiss me made me feel good. It also seemed obvious thatshe had thought about it a lot, and that kissing me was

indeed what she wanted to do.I pulled her closer to me and engaged her in a strong

kiss. Her being married didn't seem to matter at themoment, partly because the kiss didn't seem to be of asexual nature. The kiss just seemed to somehow be a

fulfilling pleasant kiss. Our lips were both open and feltquite loose, not stiff as might be expected for two

people kissing for the first time. What bothered mewas that the kiss was so pleasant, it just seemed toabsorb me. It was something I could only resist with

extreme difficulty.We suddenly heard someone else coming out of the


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house and stopped. I looked up and saw Sue's blonde-haired sister (probably 16-17 years old) had walked out

of the house. As Sue began talking to her sister, Ireached out my hand to the sister and she clasped itwith an almost vice-like grip, although her strong gripdidn't hurt me in any way. I commented, "Boy, that's a

good firm handshake."The sister seemed pleased by what I had said and she

smiled. She didn't seem annoyed that she had found mekissing Sue when she had walked out. We talked for awhile and I mentioned that I had a car parked severalblocks away which I had rented. Sue said something

about my having gotten the car from Hertz andsomething about my owing Hertz some money. Although

it wasn't clear to me exactly what she was saying, Iknew Sue knew a lot about me, things which I wasn'teven aware she knew. At any rate, I knew I still hadenough money to be able to rent a car. I told them

both I could come and pick them up if they wanted togo to a movie. I was still thinking about going to the

Woody Allen movie.Yet all the while, for some reason, I was still hesitant

about going anywhere with them.


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I can accept the underlying theme being the question

of whether I would kiss Sue. I was having a good time.

Sue, being married, however, might not have been quiteas ready to engage in physical contact in our dreams.

We did connect, however, in my dream, and at least I

was thinking of taking her to a Woody Allen movie. If

not dead, the beast inside had been somewhat mollified

by my relationship with Sue.

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the beast inside

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