the daring way™ in schools: common themes for secondary ...€¦ · the daring way™ in schools:...

The Daring Way™ in schools: Common Themes for Secondary Aged Students

Andrea Meier, LCSW-R, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator

Welcome!

This workshop identifies language around common themes for teens of all ages. We will be covering:

1) Identifying barriers to reckoning with emotions2) Ways in which we offload hurt3) Understanding Trust

Hurt doesn’t go away simply because we don’t acknowledge it, in fact, left unchecked if festers, growns and leads to behaviors that are completely out of line with whom we want to be and that can sabotage our relationships. These topics are based on the highly experiential methodologies researched by Dr. Brené Brown through The Daring Way™ . These methods were developed to help men, women and adolescents learn how to show up, be seen, and live braver lives.

© All pages copyright of A. Meier, Please do not duplicate without written permission

Presentation

➔ Videos

➔ Writing

➔ Discussion

Introduction and Courage...

Courage:

1. Asking for what you need

2. Speaking your truth

3. Owning your story

4. Setting Boundaries

5. Reaching out for support


Permission Slips: Our first step is to give ourselves permission…

….to be open minded…

...to be a learner not a knower…

...to be scared…

...to be uncool…

...to have fun….

I give myself

permission to…


Container setting

With Adults: 1. What brought you here? Asking for what you need

2. What are your fears/concerns about the group? Speaking your truth

3. What would a successful experience look like for you? Owning your story

4. What support do you need from this group to do the work? Setting Boundaries

5. What boundaries need to be put in place for you to feel safe? Reaching out for support


With Teens: 1. What do you and your friends struggle with?

2. What thoughts keep you up at night?

3. What are your fears and concerns about this group?

4. What do you need to feels safe in this group?

Both: 1. When was the last time you saw someone in your life do something courageous? What did that person do?

2. When was the last time you did something courageous? What did you do?


Video: Braving and Trust


Tenets of BRAVINGBoundaries - You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s ok and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no.

Reliability - You do what you say you’ll do. This means staying aware of your competencies and limitation so you don’t over promise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities. Accountability - You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends. Vault - You don’t share information of experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any information about other people that should confidential. Integrity - You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply profession them. Non-judgement - I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without fear of judgement.

Generosity- You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intention, words and actions of others. © All pages copyright of A. Meier, Please do not duplicate without written permission

Marble Jar and TrustTip

In this example, we’re leading off with something unexpected.

While the audience is trying to come up with a number, we’ll surprise them with the next slide.

Who are your marble jar friends?

Are you telling your secrets to those friends or others?

Hustle/hotwire friendships

What are the SPECIFIC behaviors that you do? That others do for you?

What does it mean to you to be a marble jar friend?


“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we

can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The

people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

-Fred Rogers


Emotional Reckoning

● Video: Strategies for when hooked by emotion

● Helping students to wrap language around emotions.

● Pausing long enough to recognize them.

● Activities I’ve used: “Faces”

Offloading Hurt

Video and Handout

Other Resources: https://brenebrown.com/videos/rsa-short-blame/

● Strategies● How to apply those strategies● How it is different in girls, boys, teens and parents


Armor

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, joy, faith, trust, creativity, and innovation. We want more of these, and we can’t get to them because our armor gets in

the way.


The Armory❏ Perfectionism: Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism. Healthy striving is internally

motivated, directing us toward our own goals and values. Perfectionism is all about, “what will people think”. It is an external audit, it’s about managing perception.

❏ Foreboding Joy: Losing tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding. If we feel joy then disaster is just around the corner. Dress rehearsing tragedy in order to keep vulnerability at bay. We believe if we practice tragedy then we won’t be blindsided. In sociological surveys, everyone who showed a profound capacity for joy had one thing in common: they practiced gratitude.

❏ Numbing: We numb when we feel vulnerable. Vulnerability and Shame are full contact emotions, so we numb. We use things like, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, the internet, Facebook, work and/or gossip to numb. Understanding the difference between numbing and self-comfort in terms of self-care? “A piece of dark chocolate can be a holy wafer of comfort, and three bars of it can be numbing”.


In Closing:

Brenebrown.com for Daring Classroom resources

Andrea Meier, LCSW-R, CDWF610 French Road New Hartford, NY 315-765-0121Mohawkvalleycounseling.org


https://brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms/

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