the dead walk again!...booze bowling, booze dlb trips, and i-wish-i-had-booze coursework with this...

THE

PITISSUE 864

NOVEMBER 2011

www.union.ic.ac.uk/rsm/Worked on by top men... I said, TOP... MEN...

THE DEAD WALK AGAIN!

EDITOR’S NOTE

The PIT | Issue 862 | Freshers 2011

PRESIDENT’S SHOUTSo all you rock lovers have decided to come back from your week off work I see, nice of you to take the time out of your reading weeks and field trips to stop by the RSM!

The month has seen some typical RSM style chaos through the stand-ard recipe of suicide Thursdays, Friday nights and Chaps dinners, all ending of course in our spiritual home Belushis (especially now that we seem to have earned free entry for life!).

Winter is well and truly setting in now with foggy mornings and that crisp cold that lets you know that Christmas is just around the corner; sounds like cause for celebration to me! That’s why we’ve put together our most swanky, glamorous and downright spiffing event of the year, the Christmas Dinner. In a new location just by The Ritz Hotel it’s cer-tain to serve up a fantastic night and judging on how keen the 1st years are you’re going to have to fight for your ticket, so be early to the sales!Sports clubs of the RSM are now well underway too, with training pick-ing up for the short 3 months until Bottle Match. Get excited people!

Peace out

Richard “Chumble” Simons, RSM Prez 11/12

Royal Miners, one and all...

It’s been a while. How’ve you been? Oh, really? Shit, that’s pretty bad. Oh well.

Since you asked, I’ve been having a whale of a time juggling booze bowling, booze DLB trips, and I-wish-I-had-booze coursework with this prestigious tome, but never fear! an-other jam packed issue is here for you this week.

Starting off we have some long awaited photos from Hal-loween, some storming reports from the DLB trip to the glorious town of Keswick, a creepy guide from James Craig

(bonus point! See where else you can spot him being creepy in this issue and win a prize) and the usual recipes, dancing, quizzes and general laffs.

Hopefully this will be enough to tide you over until Christmas Dins, which I’m sure will result in a whole lotta content por moi. Can’t wait!

See you at the bar, Chris ‘Chunders’ Dean xxx


UPCOMING EVENTS

ALSO... ROUND TWO OF HILL CUP: PUB GOLF! SOME OTHER CHRISTMASSY THINGS <3 SPORTS AND SHIT


HALLOWEEN BARNIGHT IN PICS


EXCLUSIVE! INTRODUCING...DLB TRIP REPORTSSo November rolls round. It’s that shit month where there’s no more fresher events, it’s too far away from Christmas to properly relax and the coursework begins piling on. So what would be a better alternative to than buggering off to the Lake District for a weekend of rocks and boozing to make you forget how much work you have? Read on to find out more...

Friday 11th, 9:30am, the air is still and a cold, faint mist hangs over South Kensington. Never before has weather alluded to so much and been entirely ignored by all, everyone wishing they were still in bed (save Jay Shah who wished he’d never woken up). Imagine my surprise then, when nearly everyone turned up on time and with a full compli-ment of kit, ready for a 10am set-off. After sorting out the minibuses and double-checking directions we left, bang-on 10:23. At 11am we honoured the two-minutes silence, marking Armistice Day. Passing through Kilburn, Stephen Watkins “discovered” a 105 million year old island in the Canaries. Presumably the existence of the island was un-beknown to its 11,000 residents. Finally a motorway heading vaguely in the right direction was found and we settled into the trip.

THE DLB DOES DALLAS KESWICK

An eternity later we reached Keswick and after dumping everything in a pile, proceeded with many drinking games whilst the Committee made a vast quantity of spaghetti bolognese. Then the moment we had been waiting for, the fines dinner, in full D, L or B costume. The fines were as diverse as they were entertaining. A few are as follows. Among the first to be awarded was to Robin Bridge for carefully and precisely cutting up an ambulance on the drive up. Next Lewis Ryan awards Matt Pike a fine for having “a wank costume” (he has come as “black” yet is dressed almost entirely in grey), he is suitably punished. Matt Carney is fined for both deciding that a motorway roundabout was a suitable place to be picked up and for wearing a black plastic bag around his waist, claiming to be a bin. Robin is again fined this time for “absurd footwear” (he has come as a diver and is wearing flippers). He is made to drink various beverages from the flipper itself (including beer, cider, gin and one of Matt Carney’s concoctions). Ten seconds in he chunders spectacularly, the flipper acting as a ramp to launch vomit a good 5 feet. The room is paralysed with laughter. Nearby canoeists look on disapprovingly. Following the Queen’s Toast we headed off to the Loft. I would nickname this club “Northern Belushi’s” were that not so harsh on Belushi’s...

Left: Representation of what The Loft may or may not have looked like.

Right: Carlsberg don’t do costumes. But if they did, they would be better than this shit.


The next morning we rose with the enthusiasm of a beached whale and piled into the minibuses for a short tour of the lake district, the façade for this thinly disguised drinking trip. Alex Whittaker provided excellent knowledge and insight into the local geology, having studied it himself. Credit to Fiona Middleton for bringing one pair of (very) inappropriate footwear. They proved very amus-ing at the second site which was boggy underfoot, even before Jay chundered on it. It was here that Carney introduced me to the con-cept of Douchebag Erosion. Climbing the Bowderstone, just east of Derwent Water, Chris Dean, upon reaching the summit, remarked in disbelief how it was “so sketchy”, clearly he expected it to be flat and preferably have a bar. Back to Keswick and the Winderbrowe Chippy was about to receive a mammoth order. All combina-

tions of fish, chips, sausage and sauce were carried back to the hostel where we were staying and given to everyone sat, once again, playing drinking games. Kudos to Henry Debens for running the gauntlet and successfully getting every picture card in the deck (and probably a few from up Carney’s sleeve). Another night demanded another trip to the Loft, where many people were recognised (perhaps dis-turbingly) almost as regulars.

The morning we had to leave Keswick we’d decided to get up before 9am. So when everyone was finally awake at 10 we crammed stuff into the minibuses and headed for a carvery near er... the North. James Craig was disappointed that he’d been served what appeared to be a piece of “that gabbro from yesterday” rather than lasagne. Chris Dean decided to overrule his body and continue to eat even though he merely coughed up each mouthful after he swallowed. I doubt very much that Jack Judd’s Freudian slip of “a bottomless bowl of arse-cream” (ice-cream) helped his already fragile constitution. Piling back into the now festering buses (during which Steve apparently pulled his liver...) we left the North and returned to civilisation with everyone singing and our lives considerably shortened.

Arriving back at the RSM we unloaded the luggage (Toby Gann was sacked as baggage handler after “unloading” Robin’s bag 20 feet and breaking his cherished bottle of Mount Gay rum). Finally, after a series of goodbyes and thanks, everyone headed home. The DLB Trip was over. Thanks go to the organisers, Alex Whittaker for being a veritable encyclopaedia of geology and to Steve, Toby, Jay, and Chris for being utterly hilarious at their own cost. Special thanks to Carney for not hospitalising me this time. When’s the next trip?...

By

Stuart MacGowan


After a stormer on the Friday night the DLB were feeling a tad worse for wear. A long day in the field, despite some truly lovely northern weather, almost proved too much for even the most hardened of geologists. Jay ‘N.Dog’ Shah set the tone with a midday spew, Fresh Fiona’s elite field Converse led her stum

THE TRIALS AND TRIUMPHS OF THEMAGNIFICENT SEVEN

bling through puddles and veteran Henry Debens just sort of moped about. Nevertheless, the DLB are a proud bunch and we set about at least attempting another cracking night on the lash. So we ate a hearty meal of fish and chips and then gathered in the annex dormitory to cautiously try a tentative tinny or two.

I won’t lie; we weren’t exactly painting the dormitory red. Personally I managed a measly three tins in three hours, Lewis and George managed about one and I think Chris and Jay had more than most of us put to-gether in those early stages. However, we were determined. After enforcing some Fresher karaoke the mood picked up a bit and we began to mobilise. As for the karaoke, we had a pretty mixed bag – look for Harry and Fiona’s apparently roof raising duet on Youtube under ‘Isle of Wight Factor’, but don’t expect to find any-thing because it turns out they lied and are actually just a bit rubbish.)

A decent contingent of us commenced the march to The Loft – once the second worst club in Keswick but sadly now the worst since the closure of what can only have been hell on earth. Upon arrival we lost a few more partygoers when most of the freshers backed out to get food and some sleep. But we persevered and headed to the VIP area where we began turning this slow burner of a night into a roaring inferno. The drinks went in, the dances moves came out, and the lairy lads of Cumbria did their best to start a fight. I knew things were really getting good when Jay asked if I’d like to go minesweeping. For those who don’t know this is one of my favourite activities, second only to actually being bought a drink. Or just getting things for free. So we swept. Many, many drinks. And on the way out of the club (now we were down to just the most adventurous seven DLB members) I asked him as a joke to “take those two jackets” and, well, he did that too.

Through our time in the loft we’d lost the likes of Henry Debens, Celia Hayes, Matt Carney, Kirsty Poore and Not Fresh Fiona. We were down to just seven companions: El Pres, Jimmy Craig, Chunders Dean, N Dog, Fresh Fiona, Alex Ellwood and myself so once outside we decided that as our numbers were so few, it was up

to us to act on behalf of the whole society. We had no choice but to brave the cold and unfamiliar town and behave inap-propriately in the local lake. So, armed with our newly ac-quired insulative garments and an intense determination to get lairy, we began to wonder blindly around, vaguely down-hill, but truthfully with absolutely no idea where we were going. We had races, we made three man towers so we could slap shop signs and we were propositioned by numerous drug dealers. James Craig seemed surprised to be the only one of-fered the goods, but something deep inside me told me that it may have had something to do with him wearing rainbow trousers and everyone else wearing jeans...

Traditionally, there is one night of a DLB trip where brave individuals venture off into terratories unknown for the sake of finding large bodies of water. Jack Judd is here to tell you...


Our early attempts at navigation found us on a golf course. A strong believer that golf is absolute gash and should only be played when you are so old that your body can’t handle any actual sport, I destroyed hole one with a powerful blast of stolen-pint-urine. It overflowed. James the hardcore endurance athlete did a 10 foot powerslide through the dew, assumedly to add his feelings to mine, but without his medium/large calf compressors I hate to think how he intended to recover fully. After that we followed the President’s orders and raced to “that green light” which remarkably led us to...The Lake. Derwent Water (not a real lake) mocked us in the moonlight. So calm and still. So ridiculously cold. Just sat there daring us, the DL-fuckingB, to try it. The DLfuckingB answered the Derwent’s call. We first stole a canoe and started to push it out with The Chunder Queen stoodprecariously at the bow. After a few shaky moments, perhaps wisely, the president stepped in and vetoed my suggestion of rowing to the far side. “Rowlocks!” he shouted. “That canoe doesn’t have any rowlocks!” He was right, and we were lucky to realise our error in time. Instead we satisfied ourselves with jumping of the jetty in nought but our kecks.

As we stood there, contemplating whether or not the water was deep enough to do some sick swannies, Matt shoved Chris in, ending the debate. We all swiftly followed suit. All but Fresh Fiona. As the lone female on our quest, and on her first DLB, she had some reservations about jumping in the icy water with a bunch of smelly geolads. Nevertheless, we could not leave her behind, and so I struck a bargain with her. Turns out she’s exceptionally high maintenance and in return for her jumping in I ended up agreeing to allowing her use of all of my clothes to dry herself on, use of the DLB jackets for the journey, and use of myself to carry her all the way home. After a formal handshake she slipped (not jumped) into the water, keeping her hair dry, like a proper pussy. I felt cheated tbh.

The final port of call was the centrefold. Fiona dismounted and took the camera while the boys lined up. Jay’s foot was slightly swollen from where he had kicked a huge pike on entry and all of us had seriously shrivelled Pollocks from the lake. Done and dusted we set off back up the hill, feeling thoroughly contented with our ef-forts. Our only hiccup en route was a brief run in with the popo where, despite us all being soaked and Chris not wearing shoes, we were let off worryingly lightly, without even being asked where we’d been.

Upon arrival at the hostel we parted after what we knew had been a night to remember. I went back to my dorm just in time to hear Steve vomiting unconsciously in his bed, which was nice. Matt and Fresh Fiona went to the girls dorm because Kirsty and Not Fresh Fiona had stolen his bed. I hear he made kindling out of the girls bunks in what can only be described as a standard sesh for the Pres. Chris, Jah, Alex and James headed back to the annex where Jay is rumoured to have had a shower and then started playing loud music

and James admits to have 5 lonely beers sat up in his bed. Alex probably lay there awake thinking how glad he was that he hadn’t followed fresher suit by not com-ing on the trip, Chris, I can only assume, spent an idle moment picking the last of his fish and chips out of his beard before passing out in true Chunders form and I went back to my dorm just in time to hear Steve vomiting unconsciously in his bed, which was nice.


THE JOYS OF KESWICK IN PHOTOS


…is/are dicks.

BOYS IN THE MORNING

WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN

THEIR DORM

SECOND YEARS

CANOEISTS

MECARNEYFRESHERS

EVERYONE

KP

NORTHENERS

Love, Fiona xxx

FOURTH YEAR REPORT:


BOOZE BOWLING!So the Geophysics Society were in fine form this week with the return of the infamous Booze Bowling, held at some dodgy place in Queensgate. Teams were arranged and keen bowlers battled it out for first place, or last depending on the number of wkd’s they’d consumed. However, there could only be 7 different prizes, so here they all are:

1st Prize – Luke Jenkins won a magnum of the finest Lambrini and a straw2nd Prize – Erik Episkopou won a generous 3-pack of Red Stripe3rd Prize – Max Jackson has the honour of being taken out on a romantic date with Fiona Ashman7th Prize – Alistair Boyce and Hamish Hay win the a threeway with Nathan-iel Elliott-Green8th Prize – Josh Lowe gonna get down and dirty with Katy HebditchLeast stylish bowler – Nathaniel Elliott-Green won a tinnie of Red StripeLowest score – Tania Buckthorp won a bottle of Desperados and a straw


JAMES CRAIG’S GUIDE TO MANWHORE-ERY

James Craig. A man known for many things: Odd music, world peace, guatamala, shit trousers and being Northern. However, being the ulti-mate Ladykiller of the RSM may not be one of them. To set the records straight, here is the man’s own flow chart, designed to give all you folks unfortunate in love the perfect tools for picking up scummy people at Belushis.


SHARK ATTACK REPORT #2

SO I have some shark attack photos with minor background, more digging will be needed for a full report though.

Once a few people and i left halloween barnight for belushis, we asked this girl if she wanted to come in our taxi so we’d have a full taxi - she said no, the guy she was with was still buying her drinks. We said to her that it was likely james craig was being predatory and she told us to go ahead.

Note how in the last picture, she has apparently disappeared - she fell over and jstor caught herIm fairly certain the sharking was successful but my memory of that night isnt top notch.fresher remains unidentified.

the boy doing the sharking hand gesture is simon stephenson and the girl is tania buckthorp.

ENJOY

Tales of shark attacks have been coming in left, right and centre in recent weeks. Here is one terrify-ing eye witness account from Lisa Ashari who observed a ruthless Northerni jamescraigi attack a defenseless fresher...

The shark circles his prey. Nearby saints try to warn the victim with handsignals to no avail.

An additional shark is spotted in the back-ground: people are afraid to come close.

The victim is down: the shark has made his move. Onlookers observe in horror.


RECIPE OF THE WEEK: COFFEE AND WALNUT CAKE

Ingredients:

250g Butter250g Caster Sugar250g Self Raising Flour½ teaspoon baking powder60g walnuts (ground up or in small chunks) plus whole walnuts to decorate.4 medium eggs2 teaspoons of instant coffee mixed well with 75ml hot water.½ tsp drops vanilla essence (optional)

Icing:

125g unsalted butter200g icing sugar1 ½ tsp instant coffee mixed with 50ml of hot water

Method:

1. Preheat the oven to gas mark 42. Mix the instant coffee with hot water to allow it to cool3. Beat sugar and butter till fluffy4. Add eggs separately, beating with an electric whisk in between each one. Add a about a table spoon of flour with each egg5. Add the coffee and vanilla essence to the mixture6. Seive and fold the flour and baking powder into the mixture 7. Stir in the walnuts so they are evenly distributed within the mixture8. Pour mixture into one large baking tin or two small sandwich tins.9. Bake for 35 minutes if using a single tin, or until cooked10. Icing: Make the coffee mixture and allow to cool In the meantime beat the butter and icing sugar together till well mixed. Add the coffee mixture and mix again11. Once the cake has cooled, ice and decorate the cake with walnuts12. Eat!

Right, time for a light hearted interlude to the lovely naked photos etc etc. Dhanvi’s given me a banging recipe for a sweet cake, so get out your utensils and get baked. I mean baking...


QUIZZES

SHOCKING REVELATIONS!

Maurice Moss Chris Dean

Lookalikes - Can you spot the difference?

QUESTION TIME: Who has the most terrifying eyes?


THE RETURN OF VARIOUS LOLZ

Sleeping Beauties

Rohyplolz

Alcololz


PALAEO DANCE MOVES WITH STEVE AND DONER

It’s what you’ve all been waiting for... Get your dancing shoes on, as once again it’s time for

So it’s fair to say that this section went down a storm last week, and at Halloween Barnight (or at least, at Belushi’s afterwards). So here we are again whith a while set of new shapes to throw next time you’re smashed.

1. 2.

3.4.

IDEAS FOR MORE DANCE MOVES? GET IN CONTACT AND GIVE ME (CHRIS) AN EMAIL...

THE EVOLUTIONARY HISTORY OF THE GRAPTOLITE

Step 1: Straight. Similar to hooked, but less camp.

Step 2: Hooked. These bad boys lived during the Devonian. Don’t mess.

Step 3: Lobate. Don’t worry guys, you’re nearly at the end...

Step 4: Isolate. You’re finished. Annnnnnd back to the beginning...


PIT MAIL!Here’s a new section that probably won’t last too long. PIT MAIL. It’s the best stuff we’re sent/I find by stalking on facebook. It’s poor I know, but this is the last page...

MESSAGE OF THE WEEK:

Message of the week this week goes to Joachim Dias from Materials. I’m sorry, but I can’t unsubscribe you from the mailing list. But at least you got some content in, so that’s a bonus. Cheers!

the dead walk again!...booze bowling, booze dlb trips, and i-wish-i-had-booze coursework with this...

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