The “E” in EARSWelcome to Week 2

Agenda

Have you registered?

Review

Activity

The “E” in EARS

Small group

Carl Rogers’ requirements for a good counselor / therapist:

• Congruence: Genuineness and honesty with the client

• EMPATHY:EMPATHY: Ability to feel Ability to feel what the client feelswhat the client feels

• Respect: unconditional positive regard towards client (meaning, acceptance of client – counselor must remember all people have the ability to grow!)

Attitudes

UGREEN

• Understanding

• Genuineness

• Respect

• Esteem

• Empathy

• Non-judgmentalness

Underlying Attitudes

HARP

• Hopefulness

• Attention to strengths

• Resources

• Positive possibilities

Attending Behaviors

ROLE SET• Relaxed• Open, square position• Lean forward• Eye contact

• Silence• Encouragers• Tone of voice

Not-Helpful Listening

Has there ever been a time when you told someone something and their

response was not helpful at all?

• Habit: “You should do…”• Problem: Giving advice

• Habit: “Me too!”• Problem: Switching to your own experiences

• Habit: “You just want to have sex with your mother…”• Problem: Psychoanalyzing

• Habit: “That’s nice but…”• Problem: Disinterested

Not-so-helpful ListeningHabits

• Habit: “You’re being an idiot.”• Problem: Judgmental, labeling

• Habit: “It’ll be OK.”• Problem: Patronizing, devaluing feelings

• Habit: “What did you say?”• Problem: Distracted, unfocused

• Habit: “I can’t wait to tell…”• Problem: Betraying confidentiality and trust

Not-so-helpful ListeningHabits

Why is it hard to listen?

•WE THINK FASTER THAN OTHERS SPEAK

•IT DOESN’T FEEL “NATURAL”

•WE “FILTER”

•IT TAKES HARD WORK AND CONCENTRATION

Why reflect feelings?

• Because when emotions are high we can’t think or solve problems.

• “I’m so upset I can’t think straight!”

Why reflect feelings?

• When feelings are expressed and understood…

• emotions cool

• THEN problems and issues can be managed

Word Game

Shout out what comes to mind when you see each word!

Word Game

snow

Word Game

pregnancy

Word Game

eatingalone

Word Game

divorce

The E in EARS is for EMPATHY!!!

• What is empathy?• Let’s brainstorm!• What did Google image search come up

with?

The E in EARS is for EMPATHY!!!

• Dictionary.com

• Part of the process is putting our assumptions aside and stepping into another’s shoes

• The heart of EARS!

What is Empathy?

A work of the imagination, the

mind and the heart. Putting yourself in another

person’s position to understand what they feel - even when you haven’t had the exact same experience.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

What does empathy look like in EARS?

• Reflection of– Feelings

– Content

– Meaning

A “Formula” to Try

You seem to feel ________ (use a feeling word here)

because _______________ (this is what happened)

and what’s important to you is___________

Now for a Demo from trainers!

Build your own empathy statement!

“My parents are so controlling – they keep pressuring me about applying to med school.

I’m not even sure I want to go. I’m so confused. The whole process is so overwhelming.

I wish they’d just leave me alone so I could make my own decision.”

Build your own empathy statement!

“I’m pregnant. My boyfriend just took off and I feel completely alone. I don’t have any idea how I’ll care for my baby. I’m so scared of not doing a good job. I want my baby to have all the opportunities I did.”

Build your own empathy statement!

“Oh my God! I broke a nail, now my hands look all uneven and gross. This is so totally embarrassing – like, what if someone notices? That’s too scary.”

Challenges to Successful Empathy

Being Genuine

First time use

Assumptions

Minimizers

Concise

Just as I thought

The EARS Active Counseling Model

Break Break Small Small GroupGroup

Last Name Last Name Leaders Leaders SpaceSpace

• GradsGrads Jayasri & LaurenJayasri & Lauren MPR1MPR1

• A -D A -D Alyssa,Joanna,RisaAlyssa,Joanna,Risa MPR 2MPR 2

• E-Le E-Le Saryn &PriscillaSaryn &Priscilla MPR 3MPR 3

• Li-R Li-R Jess & YuliyaJess & Yuliya Conf 220 Conf 220• S-Z S-Z Amanda & EricaAmanda & Erica Wendy Purcell Wendy Purcell

Conf Room Conf Room