the experience of transitioning from traditional ...files.meetup.com/12803/thesis final...
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Christianity to Agnosticism 1
The Experience of Transitioning from Traditional Christianity to Agnosticism
By
Kelly Jean Mahla
A THESIS
Submitted to
Center for Humanistic Studies Graduate School
In Partial Fulfillment of Requirements
For the Degree of
MASTER OF ARTS
Humanistic and Clinical Psychology
2006
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Christianity to Agnosticism 2
ABSTRACT
This study utilized the heuristic model of qualitative research to explore the question, “What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?” The heuristic model was used so that the researcher could incorporate her own experience into the study. There were six phases of heuristic research that were used including: initial engagement, immersion into the topic and question, incubation, illumination, explication, and the creative synthesis. Six individuals who had transitioned from Christianity to Agnosticism were interviewed using the informal non-directed interview style. Included was the author’s own experience with this transition. The data that was obtained from these taped interviews were organized as required by the heuristic research model. Five themes were identified among the six interviews: required to be a part of an organized Christian dogma, questioned everything in regards to Christianity, multiple doubts about believing in the Holy Bible, the transition to become an Agnostic occurred over an extended period of time, and the personal beliefs that they were accepting and good people despite being an Agnostic. The findings of this study could be used by psychologists, theologians, other religious clergy, or lay people as a resource to further understand the experience of transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 3
DEDICATION
To all the freethinkers in the world.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 4
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
To my co-researchers for sharing their experiences with me.
To Robert Shaw for believing in me and helping me believe in myself.
To my mother for putting up with me and giving me ideas.
To my dad – the Love of my life.
To Donna Rockwell – Thanks for the encouragement.
To Erin Zaleski – I could not have done it without you, thanks for putting this together.
To Renata – my bestest friend in the whole wide world – I love you.
To the entire class of 2006, you rock!
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Christianity to Agnosticism 5
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapters Page
I. Meaning of the Research Question 6
II. Review of Literature 20
III. Research Model 33
IV. Methods and Procedures 41
V. Presentation of Findings 49
VI. Discussion and Conclusions 71
References 77
Appendix A: Flyer for Volunteers 80
Appendix B: Instructions to Research Participants 82
Appendix C: Participation-Release Agreement 84
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Christianity to Agnosticism 6
CHAPTER I
Meaning of the Research Question
It was a dark fall night as I pulled into my driveway after a day of shopping with
my mother. She was sitting beside me in the car when I decided to tell her my secret. I
am not sure why I decided to tell her; I just did. I put the car in park, twisted my body
towards her and said, “I don’t think I believe in the Bible.” She turned and looked at me,
and I will never forget her words. She said, “That disappoints me.” This was not the
reaction that I wanted. I had put what I was feeling and thinking into words and said it
out loud but I did not know what to say after she said that she was disappointed in me. I
felt that she did not understand me and also that I could not bring this subject up again.
My mother did not say another word to me about this conversation until many years later.
“What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to
Agnosticism?” This was the question I researched in my thesis. While I knew what it felt
like to transition from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism, I wondered what other
people felt like during similar transitions. Since they believed in Christianity and were
raised that way, did they feel lied to by the Christian community when they discovered
that they no longer believed in that faith? During the process of discovering what they
believed in, did they feel lost like I had? After the transition, were they confident that
they no longer believed in Christianity, and did they feel like they could never find
religious faith again? Was there a definitive moment that changed their beliefs and
converted them to Agnosticism? Was there some kind of tragedy or life event that made
them become Agnostic? What was the reason that they had converted? I knew how I felt
when looking at most of these questions, and wondered what the experience was like for
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Christianity to Agnosticism 7
other people who decided that they no longer believed in the religion in which they were
raised.
I was baptized in a Lutheran Church and was encouraged by my mother to go to
services regularly. Other members of my immediate family did not go to church. I went
to a Methodist church because it was close to home, and I could walk to it. I attended
Sunday school when I was very young and then changed over to the adult church services
when I got older.
When I was eleven years old, my parents sent me to a private school because they
felt that the public school in the area in which we lived was too dangerous. They were
able to afford the tuition at a local Baptist school, and I went there for five years before
the school closed down due to low enrollment. At this school, the students where required
to take Bible classes, as well as attend an assembly once a month. At these assemblies,
the school brought in guest speakers to preach to the students about the Bible and to
encourage us to be “saved” and to be “born again.”
During monthly assemblies, the student body was excused from their scheduled
classes. They had us pray for long periods of time while bowing our heads. This was
painful to our necks, and soon, a friend and I learned that if we bent at the waist instead
of the neck, it minimized neck pain. During these long prayers, it was preached to us to
come forward, to the front of the room and be “saved.” A friend and I were often bored
and would kick each other’s legs. We would push the limits of inflicting pain on one
another so that the other person had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming out in
pain.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 8
Although I believed in God with all my heart and soul at that time, I felt bored
during these assemblies and was not learning anything from them. I felt no one was
teaching me what it meant to be a Christian. I was frustrated that these assemblies only
preached to be “saved” and no other message was conveyed. Since my friend and I were
not of the Baptist faith and did not believe in the rituals that they performed, we
dismissed the preaching.
Also during these assemblies, I remembered the preachers doing a lot of
screaming for us to be “saved.” They screamed that if you do not get “saved” you will be
“damned to hell for eternity.” The preacher would scream at the top of his voice to scare
us into coming up to the front “to be saved.” Often, students would come up to the front
just to quiet the preacher because the longer no one came forward, the longer the prayer
continued.
Once, I decided to go up. They told us we would remember this moment for the
rest of our lives. After this particular assembly they took the students who went up to the
front of the room into the back room, sat us down and pointed to a passage in the Bible.
They treated it like a secret. The passage was John 3:16: “For God so loved the world,
that he gave his only begotten Son, that whomsoever believeth in him should not perish,
but have everlasting life” (King James Version, 1977). I remembered thinking, “Is that
it?” I had heard this quote before. I thought that “being saved” would feel like a
revelation and I would be happier after the meeting in the back of the room. I definitely
did not remember the exact moment that I was saved, although there were several times
during my five years at the school that I was supposedly saved.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 9
During the time I spent at this Baptist school some events were said to have
happened in the “name of the Lord.” I would often question why this was so and was told
by my mother, “It’s the religion.” The students at this school were preached to very
loudly and were often told to fear God. This was told to me over and over again in classes
and assemblies. Even then, I just did not understand why I should fear God when, on the
other hand, they would tell us that God was a loving God. I was confused since their
teachings seemingly contradicted one another. I never feared God and instead, thought he
was a loving God.
Coming from a family whose members never raised their voices, it scared me to
hear the preachers yelling. In this Christian school, to keep the students in line, they had a
paddle that they called “the board of the Lord.” Although I never experienced the board
of the Lord, plenty of my classmates did. They were taken out into the hallway and that
is where they were given their punishment: a certain number of spanks on the buttocks
with the paddle. I was terrified of getting the board of the Lord. You could hear the
smacks on student’s buttocks when they received them from inside the classroom, and
see their tear-stained faces when they re-entered the room.
The school was passionate about its beliefs. Some of those beliefs included: no
abortion, no drinking of alcohol, and no dancing. Because of the no dancing rule, the
school did not host a prom. However, every year students held a prom independently
without the school’s permission. Because of the no dancing rules I felt cheated out of
such dances as homecoming. It was confusing because every other school in the area had
dances. I just did not understand how it could be bad when the Bible stated in
Ecclesiastes 3:4 “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to
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Christianity to Agnosticism 10
dance” (p. 400). The Bible said there was a time to dance, so why could a person not
dance? Why was it bad to dance? I was confused; again, I thought, this school was
interpreting the Bible incorrectly.
One memorable event was when a fellow student stole a specimen from the
school’s science lab. This specimen contained a fetus. When the Principal’s assistant
found out about it, he was extremely angry with my class, yelling at us harshly. He pulled
us from our classroom, put us into another room, and literally screamed at us to return the
specimen. He lectured that this “is a living human being,” and then he took the board of
the Lord and banged it so hard on a desk that he broke both the desk and the paddle.
Also, in the middle of his tirade, he picked up a desk and threw it across the room. His
screaming was effective; the specimen was later returned. I remembered being in that
room, scared for my life, and wondering how someone could be considered an adult and
act that way over a specimen. I thought that the fetus was no longer living; it was up in
Heaven anyway so what did it matter? Although I had no knowledge of who took the
specimen, I did not think that it warranted frightening all of us to the point that I
remember it so vividly, as if it just happened yesterday.
The students at my school had Bible class everyday. We had an interesting Bible
teacher whose name, in fact, rhymed with “Bible.” To this day, I wonder if that was his
real name. This Bible teacher was a person everyone liked. Recently though, this Bible
teacher had been in a bad mood. On one occasion he called the whole high school into the
auditorium for a lecture and told the teachers and school administrators not to attend. As
we sat in the auditorium he told us during his lecture that he thought we were horrible for
not asking him why he had been in a bad mood lately. After this poignant lecture, most of
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Christianity to Agnosticism 11
the girls were crying. I too was crying, through I was not sure why. I felt embarrassed for
crying over this teacher, and I was not sure why I felt so bad. Why did the other teachers
not see through him, and see that there was something wrong with this man?
Not long after this event two of my classmates were counting down days on the
chalk board. We all asked them why they were writing days on the chalk-board and they
answered, “You will see.” Then it happened. I got a call on a Saturday morning from my
school. I thought, “Its Saturday. Why are you calling me? School is closed today.” It was
the Assistant Principal asking if I had any information on two of my classmates who had
come up missing, as well as the Bible teacher that everyone liked. I told him about the
countdown on the chalk board, but that I knew nothing else. Our whole class could not
believe it. The Bible teacher had run off with two female classmates. Sometime later,
they were all found out West. They never returned to our school, and there was much
speculation about what had happened between the students and the teacher. I was in
denial. After all, he was the Bible teacher. Therefore, he had to be a good person. There
were rumors that he had sex with the girls: I could not accept that these rumors were true.
He was supposed to be trusted. How could I ever trust someone who preached for the
Lord again?
Soon after this event, another Bible teacher came to the school. We knew him
because he was one of the frequent guest speakers. He was up front and stated that he
realized that he had to be careful because of all that we had recently gone through. He
was “cool” like the other teacher, but he backed off when it appeared that he was getting
too close to the students, not wanting us to think he was like the other teacher who had
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Christianity to Agnosticism 12
run off with our classmates. I did learn to trust him, and so did a lot of my other
classmates.
The school was closed after my sophomore year. My parents still did not want to
send me to the local public school and thus, found a private Catholic school that was
reasonably priced. This school was a transition for me. No one yelled. The student body
was still required to meet once a month in the church, but now for “Mass” rather than
“assembly.” As with most Catholic schools, there was a brief whispered mention of a
Priest molesting young boys. Despite all that I went through in the Baptist school and the
rumors at the Catholic school, at the time, I was still a devoted Christian. I believed in
Jesus with all my heart and soul, and even felt it in my heart when I prayed. Though,
when we went to the Church, I would sit in the back so as not to disturb the Catholics; I
did not believe in what they worshiped. I did not want to kneel. I felt that it was against
my belief to kneel in a church that was not my religion. While I did not consider myself
Catholic, I did not consider myself Baptist either. I considered myself Lutheran even
though I did not go to a Lutheran church or school.
I only spent two years in this school and I learned that I liked the Catholic school
approach a lot better then the Baptist method because no one yelled. Religion was not
emphasized, and I only had to take one semester of Bible class. To my relief, that teacher
was a good one. It was strange to go to a “Christian” school and have other students
swear in church, dance at Prom, and drink alcohol for communion. I felt confused again;
going from a Baptist school to a Catholic school was a big transition. After being raised
in such a strict educational environment, I had to learn to loosen up on my beliefs. I
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Christianity to Agnosticism 13
graduated from the Catholic High School, went on to a community college, and began to
work.
On occasion throughout the next seventeen years, I would attend a Protestant
church. There was about a six month span that my mother and I went to a church together
because we really enjoyed the minister’s lectures. He seemed very educated, and each
sermon felt like he was talking directly to us about everyday life.
About five years ago, I decided to move back to my parent’s home because of
financial difficulties. Many things happened during the following year. First, my
grandmother could no longer stay in the assisted living home where she resided, and also
moved in with my parents. It was a challenge taking care of an elderly woman who had
dementia. A few months after that, my brother went through a divorce, had a stroke and
was mostly paralyzed on his right side. As a result of the stroke he could not talk, read, or
write. He also came to live with my parents, and this proved to be extremely difficult as
well. Tensions and anger were high because of all the negative events that seemed to be
happening to our family. That was during the same time that I gave the news to my
mother: I no longer believed in the Bible.
It was not like I just woke up one day and said, “I no longer want to be a
Christian.” There were many things I questioned about my religion with a lot of thought
and consideration. The aspect of Christianity I questioned the most was how a God could
do this to us and put so much misery in our lives. I was taught in religious schools that
God wanted us to be free, that and we made our own choices and therefore, things
progressed in life as they should. Another thing I really questioned was did Jesus actually
live? Jewish people did not believe in him as the son of God, and I too had a difficult
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Christianity to Agnosticism 14
time believing that Jesus was God’s son. Here was this ordinary looking person
performing all of these miracles and yet, not everyone believed in him. I believed that
there was a man named Jesus Christ, but was he the savior? Could he forgive all our sins?
I could never make sense of it. Then I started questioning the entire Bible. Here was this
God, I thought, who killed many people in the Old Testament and then, in the New
Testament, he was all about love. If he was God, then he would not change from one part
of the Bible to the next.
The moment when I told my mother that I no longer believed in the Bible, was
when I finally admitted it to myself. At that time I did not go looking for things to
contradict the Bible, I just went about my life not thinking much about it. I felt alone in
the sense that I could not relate to anyone about my beliefs. Everyone else seemed to
believe in the Bible, except me. I had a sense of feeling lost. Then, I questioned: what
happens when I die? Does this mean that I will never again see those who have passed
away? At that time, I did not have anyone close to me who had died.
Then my father passed away, and it was the hardest time in my life. I could not
pray to God; I no longer believed in him. Although I did not believe in God, I did believe
in the afterlife. In my undergraduate classes, I did a research paper on people who have
had near-death experiences, which supported my belief in an afterlife.
A couple of years after my confession to my mother, we were driving, and she
turned to me and confided, “I don’t believe in Jesus, but I want you to just in case” so
that I do not go to hell for not believing. She had long forgotten about my confession. I
told her that I did not know if I believed in God, either. It felt good to be able to talk
about it to my mother. My mother did some research and decided that the Bible’s
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Christianity to Agnosticism 15
authenticity was in question. She searched the internet and found many sites that
followed, word for word, with what the Bible said and specified why the authors believed
that it was not true. I also started looking up things on the internet for confirmation of
what I believed. To make it balanced, I also looked up Christian sites to find out what
they said about the Bible. I continued looking up things that the Bible supposedly
affirmed but had a hard time believing any of it to be true. I found several sites on the
internet highlighting contradictions in the Bible including current controversies.
I also knew of a person who was feeling guilty because she had gotten a divorce.
She believed that it was wrong because the Bible said that it was, even though her
husband had been verbally and physically abusive to her. I searched and searched and
found no passage to give her relief that God said it was okay to be divorced, even under
those circumstances. I found it difficult to believe that God would want people to stay
married even if there was abuse.
Last year, I attended a Christian College. Part of me was hoping that it would
change my mind, and another part of me had my defenses up and was afraid it would re-
instill the word of God in me. The curriculum required that I take a religious class. After
that class, I decided the Bible was a well-written book for teaching purposes, but that it
was not to be taken literally. The teacher of that class spoke of a mass killing from the
Old Testament, and he wondered why God would kill so many people, including
children. He came to the conclusion that God wanted to make sure that evil teachings
were not passed down from generation to generation so he had to rid the world of
everyone. I was upset that this teacher could not see that this was the work of an evil
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Christianity to Agnosticism 16
God. I decided that there was no excuse for killing so many people, especially innocent
children.
During this class, the teacher showed a movie about Noah’s Ark and how Ron
Wyatt discovered where the real Noah’s Ark was. During this movie, Wyatt was showing
the site of Noah’s Ark, and many people were shown walking over the site. Wyatt stated
that he could not get permission from that country’s government to obtain the final proof
that this was indeed Noah’s ark. I was skeptical while watching the film. If this was the
real Noah’s ark, why was it not all over the news or on television? And again, if it was
the real Noah’s ark, why were people walking all over it?
I went home and looked up Ron Wyatt on the internet. I discovered he found a lot
of Biblical artifacts such as: a house that Noah built, Noah's grave, Noah's wife’s grave,
The Ark of the Covenant (under the exact spot where Jesus was crucified), Christ's blood
scraped off of the Mercy Seat of the Ark of the Covenant (according to Wyatt, DNA
analysis of the blood indicated that Christ was born of a virgin), the true site of Christ's
crucifixion and the stone socket in which the cross was placed, Moses' stone tablets
containing the Ten Commandments held together with golden hinges, and bones of giant
pre-flood people (Gunderson, n.d.). However, Wyatt was an amateur archeologist, and I
wondered how one man could find all of these ancient artifacts. On the internet, Wyatt
was deemed a fraud. This did not surprise me. Rather, it confirmed my beliefs. After this
experience, I no longer felt that I needed to believe in Jesus Christ; he was an ordinary
man. There may or may not have been a God, but for me, it was not the God written
about in the Holy Bible.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 17
So, what do I believe in today? I believe that there might be a higher being,
although I am not sure. While I am not completely convinced, I do believe that there is an
afterlife and that we are re-incarnated into the next life when we are ready. I still respect
those who believe in the Bible and who are Christians. I do not advertise the fact that I
consider myself an Agnostic. I do not want to be lectured by people who would be
unaccepting of the fact that I do not believe in Jesus Christ. Likewise, I do the best I can
to avoid preaching to people why I do not believe the literal translation of the Bible says.
Defining the Question
This study focuses on the research question “What is the experience of
transitioning from Traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?” To have a better
understanding of what this question means, a break down of the key words will be
addressed. The terms I will define are: what, experience, transitioning, from, traditional,
Christianity, and Agnosticism.
According to The American Heritage Dictionary (2001), what is defined as “1a.
which thing or which particular one of many: What are you having for dinner? b. Which
kind, character, or designation: What are these objects? c. One of how much value or
significance: What are possessions to a dying man?” (p. 925). What in terms of this
research question is asking which feelings, thoughts, and associations are related to
transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism?
Experience can be defined as “involvement in something over time: active
involvement in an activity or exposure to events or people over a period of time that leads
to an increase in knowledge or skill” (MSN Encarta, 2005, p. 1). In other words, the
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Christianity to Agnosticism 18
thoughts and feelings that was associated with a person’s transitioning from traditional
Christianity to Agnosticism, the knowledge and skills that are gained.
Transitioning is defined as going from one event to another. An example of this
can be tears. Tears happen after an event, and often when one cries, a transformation
occurs. The tears mark the transition from one event to another. In Women Who Run with
the Wolves, Estes (1992) states: “Tears are a river that take you somewhere. Weeping
creates a river around the boat that carries your soul-life. Tears lift your boat off the
rocks, off dry ground, carrying it downriver to someplace new, someplace better” (p.
376). With my own transition from Christianity to Agnosticism, I shed a lot of tears,
because I felt alone in my beliefs. I also felt alone in this world. The tears helped me
understand the transition that I had to go through to evolve into a better person.
From means “A person, place, time, etc., that is the starting point of motion or
action, or of extent in place or time” (Oxford, 1998, p. 327). From is the starting place of
all actions. Often in our lives, we are asked where did we come from. When we answer,
we speak of a place where we were born or of our ancestors’ origin, it’s not a place that
we are currently. With religion, people often change their beliefs throughout their
lifetime. In this thesis, the changing from a religious belief to uncertainty is analogous to
the transition from where a person first originated to arriving at his/her current
destination.
The American Heritage Dictionary (2001) defines tradition as “1. The passing
down of a culture from generation to generation, esp. orally” (p. 863). Traditional
Christianity is an organized religion that follows the teaching of Jesus Christ as outlined
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Christianity to Agnosticism 19
in the Holy Bible. The churches and schools that I attended had specific traditions to
abide by based on this, and they taught those beliefs to me.
“Christianity centers in the life of Jesus of Nazareth” (Smith, 1994, p. 206).
Christianity not only accepts the Old Testament of the Bible, but also the New Testament,
and believes that Jesus Christ is the son of God who came to earth to die on the cross so
that man may be forgiven of sins and have ever lasting life. Merriam-Webster Dictionary
(2003) defines Christianity as “the religion derived from Jesus Christ, based on the Bible
as sacred scripture, and professed by Eastern, Roman Catholic, and Protestant” (p. 220).
Agnosticism is a noun, defined as a belief, which states that a person can not
prove or disprove God’s existence. Agnostics are different from Atheists, who do not
believe in God at all. Agnostics, on the other hand, believe that there is a possibility that
there is a God, but that God’s existence is not provable. According to Scribner-Bantam
English Dictionary (1977), Agnostic is defined as “one who denies that man knows or
can know God or the final nature of things” (p.22). While an Agnostic does not believe
there is proof of a God, he or she is open to the possibility that there may be a God.
In summary, the research question asks which feelings or thoughts come to mind
when a person changes from believing in the existence of Jesus Christ as taught to them
by previous generations, to a person who believes it is not possible to prove, one way or
another, the existence of God.
In this chapter, I discussed why I am interested in the experience of transitioning
from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism. I also defined the thesis question and the
specific terms of that question. In the next chapter, I will review the relevant professional
literature pertaining to my research topic.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 20
CHAPTER II
Review of Literature
“I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic.
I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure—that is all that agnosticism means.”
Speech at trial of John Thomas Scopes for teaching Darwin’s theory of evolution in school, 15 July 1925 (Knowles, 2002, p. 84).
The purpose of this chapter is to review the literature that is relevant to my
research topic: What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to
Agnosticism. This review should provide the reader with a familiarity of what has already
been written as it relates to my thesis topic. In this chapter, I will also demonstrate that
my research topic has not been specifically studied using heuristic methodology.
My search for relevant material on the transition from Christianity to Agnosticism
was both difficult and surprising. I first began my search on the computer at the Center
for Humanistic Studies using its electronic databases. Using the keyword Agnostic, and
limiting my search to full text articles only, the total number of returns yielded:
1. PsychARTICLES: 1
2. Psychology & Behavioral Science Collection: 18
3. Infotrac: 88
I then tried using the keyword word Agnosticism, again limiting my search to full
text articles only, and retrieved the following:
1. PsychARTICLES: 0
2. Psychology & Behavioral Science Collection: 22
3. Infotrac: 36
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Christianity to Agnosticism 21
In reviewing the articles found on the databases, there were very few that directly
pertained to the subject matter that I was researching. Most of the articles were related to
health and economic topics, or were book reviews, essays, and poems. I then searched in
the First Search databases, which, again, retrieved very few usable articles. Since using
the term Agnostic and Agnosticism yielded very few results, I decided to expand my key
word search. Some of the subsequent key words and phrases I used were: unchurched,
faith to skepticism, Atheist, decline of belief in Christianity, secular, loss of faith,
conversion, deconversion, free-thinker, infidel, doubt and unbelievers, to name a few.
I then went to Macomb Community College and searched on its database, JSTOR,
which contained more information pertaining to philosophy and religion. I was able to
find more information that was relevant to my research topic. I also went to Rochester
College, a Christian school, and used its computer, which had more databases that
contained journals of religious matters including JSTOR. This search yielded some good
results that I was able to use.
I searched on the internet as well, using the Google search engine in an attempt to
find some additional journal articles. I was able to find a few scholarly journal articles,
but again, very few that I could use for my specific topic. While there were a lot of web
sites pertaining to Agnostics, I was surprised to find that there were not a great deal of
scholarly articles pertaining to Agnosticism.
In searching for books on the subject Agnosticism, I had much better results.
Using the key word Agnostic, I found four useable books at Macomb Community
College. Using the same keyword in a search of all of the public libraries in Macomb
County/Township, eleven items were retrieved. However, six were not books and one
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Christianity to Agnosticism 22
was fiction. Using the same search criteria, but using the keyword Agnosticism, four
titles were found. Still, one was not a book, and one was a fiction novel. The public
libraries I visited to locate the books retrieved in my search were as follows: Clinton-
Macomb, Macomb, Roseville, Royal Oak, and Troy. When I searched for a specific
book, I also searched the surrounding shelves for books that might be relevant to my
research by looking in the index for the keywords Agnostic and Atheist.
I was unable to find much information about Agnosticism so I extended my
search to what I thought might help me understand why someone is religious or believes
in God. I researched the history of religion and Agnosticism, how faith plays a role in
believing in God, and what influences might persuade a person to believe in God or to be
religious.
Books
The main question that scientists ask is what is the origin of religion? According
to Schmidt (1980), there is no definite answer to when religion first appeared, but there is
some speculation as to how it began. Some scientists say that religion started because of
man’s fears of the unknown, such as death. Other scientists speculate that religion
originated from people hearing voices, seeing visions, and having ecstatic experiences
such as a calling from God, or a feeling of presence from a higher being. Scientists
hypothesize that these theories might be due to man using more of his right brain in the
early, primitive years. Because of this, man lacked rational ways of thinking or
organizing reality, which is the primary function of the left hemisphere of the brain.
Psychologists and theologians believed that most people had the capacity for
spirituality. Hamer (2004) declared: “It has been evident throughout recorded history in
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Christianity to Agnosticism 23
every civilization and culture, in every nook and cranny of the globe. For many people, it
was the main focus of their lives” (p. 4). He also stated that Homo sapiens held spiritual
beliefs since the dawn of time. He referenced ancestral painting the walls of caves in
Europe, revealing strange chimeras with human bodies and animal heads.
Anthropologists speculated that these types of drawings were representations of sorcerers
or priests. Other evidence of spirituality was displayed in how these people buried their
dead. They often prepared the bodies for life after death by sometimes supplying them
with food and other items for the journey to the afterlife. Hamer (2004) also stated that
scientists have evidence pointing to the fact that these primitive men sometimes cut off
the hands and heads of enemies so that they would not return from the dead.
At one point in history, the organized religions that are common today came into
people’s lives. Johnson (1981) stated that religion began thousands of years ago when
people were primitive and uneducated. He indicated that the Jewish religion goes as far
back as six thousand years, while the Christian faith goes back only nineteen hundred
years.
According to Miller (1981), there are four sources of beliefs as Christians. The
first being tradition, which is the primary source of belief. The second is the Bible, which
is the source of traditions. The third is secular knowledge, specifically, that we must
know the world if we are to have accurate knowledge of God. The last is common
religious experience and how we interpret the human experience.
Atheism stands in opposition of Christianity, with some scholars linking
Agnostics and Atheists together. Stein (1985) stated that an Atheist is one who does not
believe in the existence of God. Since Atheists believe there is no God, and Agnostics
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Christianity to Agnosticism 24
will not admit there is a God, some Atheists believe that Agnosticism is a sub-category of
Atheism. Although, according to Rinaldo (2000), there are other words that describe a
nonbeliever. Depending on the amount of belief or disbelief that a person has in God, a
nonbeliever could be labeled as Socinianism, Arianism, or Arminianism. If these words
sound unfamiliar, that is because they are no longer used in modern language. Another
word that describes a non-believer is a skeptic. This is someone who doubts the belief in
God, but again, like an Agnostic, does not know if there is a God. Dershowitz (2002)
describes a skeptic as such:
I am a skeptic about everything, including God and atheism. I am not certain about issues of cosmology. Sometimes I believed that there must be some order or purpose, though I do not begin to understand what or who it could be. I do not expect that these cosmic doubts will ever be resolved in my mind. I am more certain that the miraculous stories that form the basis of most religious beliefs are myths. Yet I respect the Bible and enjoy reading and teaching it. (p. 55)
There are also terms to describe those who had faith at one time, but lost that
faith. One term for this is deconversion. Smith (2000) describes it as such: “By personal
atheist, I mean an atheist who was formerly a religious believer of some kind. Personal
atheism is the outcome of a deliberative process-a mental transition from belief to
nonbeliever that I call deconversion” (p. 25).
According to the encyclopedia Britannica (2003), agnosticism comes from the
Greek word agnostos, which means unknowable. In the New Catholic Encyclopedia
(2003), Agnostic is a term that “has been used to designate anyone who denies
knowledge of immaterial reality, and especially of the existence and nature of God” (p.
180). There are two types of Agnostics. The first type makes no judgment as to whether
there is a God or not. The second kind of Agnostic believes that it is impossible to know
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Christianity to Agnosticism 25
whether there is a God or not. Beattie (1981) describes this by referencing his own status
as an Agnostic leaning towards atheism:
I am an agnostic because no one at the present time can prove or disprove whether or not there is a cosmic spirit or mind at work in the universe. The atheist says either that he does not believe in God or that God does not exist. When he asserts that God does not exist, the atheist is making the same mistake as the theist – he is asserting something that cannot be proved. (p. 62)
One of the most famous Agnostics was Sigmund Freud. Freud confessed that he
did not know first-hand of God’s existence, but yet, he was unwilling to say there was no
God at all (Nicholi, Jr., 2002). While C.S. Lewis and Freud at one point agreed that the
universe just happened, Lewis began to doubt this belief. He questioned Freud with the
following: if the universe is so precise and orderly, could there not be a creator? Freud
answered no. Nicholi (2002) further explained:
The very idea of “an idealized Superman” in the sky-to use Freud’s phrase-is “so patently infantile and so foreign to reality, that . . . it is painful to think that the great majority of mortals will never rise above this view of life.” He predicted, however, that as the masses of people become more educated, they would “turn away” from “the fairy tales of religion.” He reminds us that “the world is not a nursery” and strongly advises us to face the harsh reality that we are alone in the universe. In short, he shouts, “Grow up!” (p. 36)
There are some influences that may explain why an individual believes in God.
One of those is fear. Russell (1957) phrases it this way:
It is partly the terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said, the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes. Fear is the basis of the whole thing-fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. (p. 22)
Freud also believed that fear had a lot to do with religious beliefs. He believed
religion frightened people so greatly that they were then too scared to act. “It filled
people with so much fear that they were imprisoned by their anxieties and so they lost
their freedom to act” (McBride, 1981, p.22). McBride also stated that Freud was
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Christianity to Agnosticism 26
concerned with the concept that religion “inducing excessive guilt, was responsible for
the multitude of neurotic obsessions he found in his patients” (p. 22). McBride himself
believed that God wanted us to enjoy life and to be fulfilled, and this was evidenced by
God putting Adam and Eve in the garden of happiness. It was not God, but the sins of
Adam and Eve that brought about man’s unhappiness. Moreover, McBride stated that
Jesus treated people like adults, and he did not intimidate the people to whom he
preached. In fact, Jesus promised freedom from sin, guilt, and hopelessness.
Another reason so many people believe in God is the fact that it might be in the
human genes. Schmidt (1980) asks the question: are humans inherently religious? Could
man’s own genes be the reason why so many people believe in God? Religion has been
around from the earliest of times and it is universal. “People in every society, whether
primitive or modern, have some conception of a super empirical or non-ordinary reality,
such as gods, spirits, or impersonal forces, that they believe influences or governs human
existence” (Schmidt, 1980, p. 6). Schmidt states that the question of genetic involvement
in religious beliefs is a tough one to answer, since there really is no answer. It seems that
human beings have a need to have religion as a way of giving meaning to life, and this
could explain why so many people believe in God. According to Hamer (2004), the
genetic link is to spirituality, not to religion:
Spirituality is based in consciousness, religion in cognition. Spirituality is universal, whereas cultures have their own forms of religion. I would argue that the most important contrast is that spirituality is genetic, while religion is based on culture, traditions, beliefs, and ideas. It is, in other words, mimetic. This is one reason why spirituality and religion have such differing impacts on individual lives and society. (p. 213)
Faith is a necessary component for an individual to believe in God. Salzberg
(2002) stated that Buddhists believe that faith grows as people question what they are
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Christianity to Agnosticism 27
told. Salzberg describes some of the experiences individuals have felt when questioning
their faith to others who have faith:
Many felt they had been forced to believe something that couldn’t be proven, and they had been discouraged from asking questions. “The authorities within my religion were very annoyed when I asked, ‘How do you know?’ one woman told the group. “They would just say, ‘Have faith,’ and I never could. Pretty soon I didn’t have any faith at all.” Many had been hurt by the religious teachings of their childhood, in which their degree of faith was the measure of their belonging; if they did not have enough there was something wrong with them or they would be condemned, maybe forevermore. Separating faith from intelligent inquiry casts it as a practice of the gullible. (p. 54)
Salzberg (2002) stated in a workshop that she gave that there were a number of
people who revealed that their lack of faith in childhood meant they had questions,
uncertainties, and “maybe even delighting in some aspects of their religious doctrine but
not others” (p. 54). These people were denied the opportunity to find their own religious
beliefs. They were told not to examine their beliefs, but instead, to have faith that what
they were being told was the truth.
Although a lot of Christians think losing one’s faith is a devastating experience,
going through the loss and confusion actually results in emotional satisfaction. Schmidt
(1980) states the following:
A loss of belief can involve a wrenching of one’s whole being… but it can also be a turning point leading to a more viable and emotionally satisfying belief system; thus in rejecting or withholding assent in the God of theism, the atheist and agnostic may be committed to a symbol system that lies outside of theism. ( p. 334)
According to Hamer (2004), spirituality is alive and well in society today.
“Surveys show that more than 95 percent of Americans believe in God, while 90 percent
meditate or pray, 82 percent say that God performs miracles, and more than 70 percent
believe in life after death”(p. 4).
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Christianity to Agnosticism 28
Journal Articles
In reviewing the journal articles related to my research topic, I found additional
information about the transition from Christianity to Agnosticism, as well as about
religious beliefs, terms, and history. Specifically, Manning (2004) stated that religion was
based on a book:
Organized Religion is a collection of absolutes. Religion, in its institutional form, most often relies on a text. This is especially true of the three largest religions in the world. Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. What many fail to realize is that the text itself does not contain the truth. Whenever a human being reads a text, the text is being interpreted. This is impossible to avoid. (p. 6)
Cline (2006a.) states that the word Agnostic means “without the knowledge of
gods” (p.1). The word Agnostic can be broken into parts to understand the meaning. The
“A” means “without” and the “gnosis” means “knowledge.” It is important to note that an
Agnostic is someone who does not deny the existence of God or higher powers, but will
not acknowledge that there is a God or gods. Schurman (1895) phases it like this: “The
Agnostic is one who holds that he has no knowledge of God, or indeed, that the human
mind is incapable of reaching knowledge of God” (p. 241).
The term Agnostic was first used by Henry Thomas Huxley in 1869. According to
Wikipedia (2006), Huxley stated that agnosticism is a creed, not a method. This is further
explained by Huxley as the absence of belief. That is, “the half-way house between the
two, where all questions were ‘open.’ All that Huxley asked for was evidence, either for
or against; but this he believed it impossible to get” (p. 2).
Agnosticism goes far back in history, even before Huxley coined the term.
According to Cline (2006b.), there is evidence that some philosophers and scholars
insisted that they did not have knowledge of the ultimate reality and presence of gods.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 29
These philosophers and scholars also stated that there was a possibility that no one had
this knowledge. This lack of knowledge may have affected the non-believers views on
religion.
Secular or Freethinkers were terms often used to describe non-believers. The
earliest movement of Freethinkers was founded in 1985, in Britain, and consisted of
people who were mainly from a working-class movement of militant Atheism. Budd
(1967) stated that meetings took place with most Freethinkers during this time, where
discussions of their conversion would take place. During these meetings it was revealed
that the loss of faith had been painful for most members of the group. According to Budd
(1967), “the conversion to Atheism usually followed two distinct phases: the conversion
from Christianity to unbelief or uncertainty, which is discussed here and then move from
uncertainty to positive commitment to Secularism” (p.108). This conversion usually
occurred early in life, between the ages of fourteen and seventeen. Between the ages of
thirty to forty, loss of faith usually occurred.
In the United States, between 1991 and 2000, adults who preferred no religion
doubled from seven percent to fourteen percent. A small segment of Americans were
being raised without religion and the number was growing (Hout & Fischer, 2002). There
was also evidence that people in the United States were distancing themselves from
churches but not necessarily from God. Most adults preferred no religion but continued to
believe in God and an afterlife. Thus, there were not many Agnostics or Atheists in the
United States. Most Americans thought of themselves as spiritual but did not consider
themselves religious. This was displayed by the fact that they hardly attended religious
services or read the Bible.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 30
Later, in 1996, Need and De Graaf studied Dutch society focusing on the decline
in the amount of people going to church. This was during a time when there was a trend
of declining church goers in many different countries. In their study, Need & De Graaf
wanted to find out the reason for this decline in church membership. Their study did not
include whether the unchurched people had lost their faith in their respective religion.
Instead, this study revealed that education had an influence on whether a person remained
a member or left the church. It also showed that if a parent had a lower education level,
the child was more likely to attend church with twenty percent having left their faith.
Another factor of whether a person became unchurched was age. As a person aged, he or
she had a decreased likelihood of leaving the church, while a person who was fifteen to
twenty years old had a greater chance of leaving the church.
Other factors were also involved in a person’s religious beliefs as Flor & Knapp
(2001) found when they studied Caucasian families. The authors found that parental
modeling influenced an adolescent’s religious behavior. Also, if parents wanted their
children to be more religious, their children displayed more religious behavior. “It would
also predict the more negative association for importance of religion to child when
children experienced less frequent or more uni-directional transactions or both, combined
with lower parental desire for the child to be religious” (p. 640).
According to Need & De Graaf’s (1996) study, it was found that attending
religious services regularly during childhood decreased the likelihood of that person
leaving the church. A study by Kelley & De Graaf’s (1997) also showed that parental
religiosity mattered. People who were born into religious societies were more likely to
have those religious beliefs then those born into secular societies. It also showed that
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Christianity to Agnosticism 31
these families were more successful in instilling their religious beliefs in their children.
Kelly & De Graaf (1997) sum up this concept as follows:
The religious environment of a nation has a major impact on the beliefs of its citizens: People living in religious nations acquire, in proportion to the orthodoxy of their fellow citizens, more orthodox beliefs than those living in secular nations. This is not because they come from more devout families (although most do), nor because religious nations differ from secular nations in modernization or exposure to Communism (although they do), or because of differences in an individual’s denomination, education, age, or sex (although such differences exist). Rather, the religious character of the nation itself matters. In some circumstances, national context is more important even than family background in shaping people’s beliefs. A nation’s culture and policies of its churches and government are part of the explanation. (p. 654)
Essential to Agnosticism is the idea of having and losing faith. These ideas play
an important role in the present study, which looks at transitioning faith from Christianity
to Agnosticism. As previously stated, faith is essential to a person’s religious beliefs. It is
the faith that people embrace, which gives meaning to their lives. Without this meaning it
appears that their lives may be experienced as meaningless or empty. As such, a problem
exists if one believes in the existence of God and someone else disagrees with that belief
(Manning, 2004). The person who believes in the existence of God often has the need to
prove to the non-believer that God does exist. However, Manning (2004) states that God
cannot be proven without faith and “it would seem to make sense that the one who
believes in God, instead of trying in futility to prove God’s existence, should simply
explain their belief as a matter of faith and leave it at that” (p. 9). He postulates that this
will solve the problems of trying to resolve the conflict of the existence of God.
The question still remains, however: when there is doubt in a belief system, what
does it mean? Snowden (1916) explains it like this:
Doubt is uncertain belief. It is the borderland between knowledge and ignorance, the twilight between light and darkness. It is therefore a mixed state of mind and
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Christianity to Agnosticism 32
varies in degree from almost certain knowledge to the faintest belief or hope. It may be the morning twilight in which a doubtful truth or hope or speculation is growing into positive knowledge, or the evening twilight in which an accepted truth or theory is withering away. (p. 151)
Doubt is specifically mentioned and dealt with by Christ in the Bible when John
the Baptist doubted that Jesus was the Messiah. Snowden (1916) explained this by stating
that when John was placed in prison, his mood fell, and he subsequently doubted Jesus.
Word was sent to Jesus of this, and Jesus answered him. He did not judge John, nor was
he harsh with him. He simply told the messenger to tell John the facts. Similarly, many
Christians of today are told to stay away from questions, and basically, to stop thinking.
“But this is not the spirit of the Bible. Jesus did not stop John’s thinking, and mental
death is not the cure for our doubt” (p. 153). Doubt is a part of who we are as humans and
sometimes this doubt helps us to transition into a different way of thinking or believing.
My study, the experience of transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism, has
not been previously researched using the heuristic model. Additionally, I was unable to
find any explicit research on why a person transitions from Christianity to Agnosticism,
and how that transition feels in great detail. I think it is important to study this topic
because it will not only help others cope with this transition, but it will also help those
who have not transitioned to understand what a person goes through when he or she
makes this change.
In this chapter, I researched and reviewed literature relevant to my thesis. In the
next chapter, I will discuss the concepts, processes, and phases of the heuristic research
model.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 33
CHAPTER III
Research Model
In this chapter I will describe the heuristic research model that I used in this study.
Due to my personal experience with this topic, I have decided to use this methodology.
The research model that will be used to explore my research topic, the experience
of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism is qualitative in design and
methodology. According to Graziano & Raulin (2004), the qualitative research method is
“a research approach that seeks to understand psychological operations by observing the
broad, interconnected pattern of variables, rather than the strength of the statistical
relationship of variables” (p. 424). The major goal of qualitative research is to describe
and analyze a person’s actions and feelings in everyday settings. Focusing on the ways in
which this is achieved Graziano & Raulin (2004) state that “the research methods include
naturalistic and participant observation, the use of questionnaires, and analyzing
conversations and social networks” (p. 135).
The qualitative research design that I will utilize in my thesis is the heuristic
model. The word heuristic comes from the Greek word heuriskein, which means to
discover or find. Hiles (2001) states the following about heuristic investigations:
Heuristic inquiry is an extremely demanding process, involving disciplined self-commitment, rigorous self-searching and self-reflection, and ultimately a surrender to the process…In essence, it is a research process designed for the exploration and interpretation of experience, which uses the self of the researcher. (p. 2)
The heuristic model uses ones internal search for the truth. As such, heuristic researchers
integrate their own personal experiences into their studies. “It requires a subjective
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Christianity to Agnosticism 34
process of reflecting, exploring, sifting, and elucidating the nature of the phenomenon
under investigation” (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 40).
Concepts and Processes
Moustakas (1990) identifies seven concepts and processes involved in heuristic
research. These include identifying with the focus of inquiry, self-dialogue, tacit
knowledge, intuition, indwelling, focusing, and the internal frame of reference.
Identifying the focus of inquiry
While involved in this process, the heuristic researcher strongly identifies with
the topic. An example of this is when an actor has accepted a role portraying someone
famous. Before the actor plays the role, he or she learns all about the person that will be
portrayed. The actor will dress like that person, and act like that person by sounding like
him or her and having the same body movements. The actors do whatever they can to
understand the person that they are going to portray. In a similar sense, by identifying
with what is being investigated, the heuristic researcher gets closer to the topic.
Self-dialogue
Entering into a dialogue with one’s self about the subject gives a person a deeper
understanding of that subject. In this way, the heuristic researcher is able to interact with
his or her topic from the vantage point of different perspectives. “At the heart of
heuristics lies an emphasis on disclosing the self as a way of facilitating disclosure from
others – a response to the tacit dimension within oneself sparks a similar call from
others” (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 50).
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Christianity to Agnosticism 35
Tacit knowing
This concept refers to a subconscious knowledge from an unarticulated source. It
is when a person knows what to do without thinking about it. For example, when a person
learns to ride a bike and is skillful at it, he or she no longer has to think about how to ride
a bike. The rider no longer has to talk him or herself through the steps, such as putting
one foot over the bar, hopping up onto the seat, putting the feet on the pedals, and moving
the legs, all while balancing the bike. One uses instinct rather than conscious thoughts,
and simply performs. According to Polanyi (1966), “we can know more than we can tell”
(p. 4). Palmer (2001) states this about Polanyi’s concept of tacit knowledge: “it isn’t what
we know more than we can tell, but how we know with what we know more than we can
tell that qualifies as tacit knowing” (p. 2).
Intuition
This concept is a process in which a person knows, not from the information
provided, but from what is at the instinctual level. As stated by Moustakas (1990):
Intuition makes possible the perceiving of things as wholes. For example, one can view a tree from many angles, sides, front, and back; but one cannot see a whole tree. The whole tree must be intuited from the clues that are provided by careful observation, experience, and connecting the parts and subtleties of the tree into patterns and relationships that ultimately enable an intuitive knowing of the tree as a whole. Every act of achieving integration, unity, or wholeness of anything requires intuition. (p. 23)
Intuition is akin to having a hunch in that a person goes with the “gut” feeling without
conscious thought. Estes (1992) explains, metaphorically, that intuition is “like the wolf,
intuition has claws that pry things open and pin things down, it has eyes that can see
through the shields of persona, it has ears that hear beyond the range of mundane human
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Christianity to Agnosticism 36
hearing” (p. 89). Intuition relies on perception and observation, rather than the use of
conscious reasoning and logic.
Indwelling
This process refers to going deeply inside of oneself and lingering with one’s
topic as a way of achieving a further understanding. Moustakas (1990) phrases it this
way:
It involves a willingness to gaze with unwavering attention and concentration into some facet of human experience in order to understand its constituent qualities and its wholeness. To understand something fully, one dwells inside the subsidiary and focal factors to draw from them every possible nuance, texture, fact, and meaning. The indwelling process is conscious and deliberate, yet it is not lineal or logical. It follows clues wherever they appear; one dwells inside them and expands their meanings and associations until a fundamental insight is achieved. (p. 24)
This heuristic method, and specifically, indwelling are of crucial value to the researcher
who is attempting to obtain first-hand knowledge of an experience.
Focusing
Focusing is another important method utilized in the heuristic process. Focusing
requires that one use all of his or her senses. Moustakas (1990) states:
The steps of focusing as used in heuristic research include the clearing of an inward space to enable one to tap into thoughts and feelings that are essential to clarifying a question; getting a handle on the question; elucidating its constituents; making contact with core themes; and explicating the themes. (p. 25)
Focusing is similar to indwelling but is a more intense process. It facilitates attunement
with the research question, and maintaining focus on the question until all of the themes
can be identified.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 37
Internal frame of reference
During this concept, which is essential to qualitative research and to the heuristic
model, one must rely on his or her own experience with the subject. Internal frame of
reference “highlights the point of view that knowledge of a phenomenon has to be
understood from the perspective of the experiencing person. This is an essential point for
qualitative research in general and for heuristic research in particular” (Craig, 2001, p.
37).
The concepts covered above provide opportunities to gather rich and essential
research data. They enable the researcher to move through the phases of the heuristic
model as described below.
Phases
There are six phases of heuristic research. These include: initial engagement,
immersion into the topic and question, incubation, illumination, explication, and the
creative synthesis (Moustakas, 1990).
Initial engagement
This is the phase in which the researcher chooses a topic of passionate concern or
interest. To discover the many facets and nuances of the topic, the researcher engages in
self-dialogue. Once the topic has been formed, a specific and researchable question can
be formulated.
Immersion into the topic and question
In this phase after the question is formed, the researcher becomes immersed in the
topic. The researcher’s thought are focused on the project that he or she is working on,
and he or she is constantly thinking about it. The researcher “carries the sense of total
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Christianity to Agnosticism 38
involvement in a research theme or question in such a way that the whole world is
centered on it for awhile” (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 47).
Incubation
In this phase the researcher takes a break from the constant immersion in the
topic. Moustakas (1990) states this about incubation:
Although the researcher is moving on a totally different path, detached from involvement with the question and removed from awareness of its nature and meanings, on another level expansion of knowledge is taking placed. During this process the researcher is no longer absorbed in the topic in any direct way or alert to things, situations, events, or people that will contribute to an understanding of the phenomenon. (p. 28)
Moustakas (1990) further explains that during this phase an inner tacit dimension can
reach its full potential. During incubation, while there is no direct contact with the
research topic, growth is still taking place. This break can be anywhere from one hour to
multiple days. During this phase, the mind is able to rest and rejuvenate, and during this
time new ideas often surface. It is common for one to move back and forth between the
immersion and incubation phases several times during the research process.
Illumination
In this phase, the “ah ha” moment occurs in the researcher’s consciousness. The
researcher spends an enormous amount of time reflecting on the topic, and then all of a
sudden, a new theory, perception, or item that was previously missed suddenly appears,
and gives the researcher more knowledge of the topic. Moustakas (1990) states: “The
illumination process may be awakening to new constituents of the experience, thus
adding new dimensions of knowledge. Or, the illumination may involve corrections of
distorted understandings or disclosure of hidden meanings” (p. 29). It is during this phase
that the researcher discovers more about how the data fits together.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 39
Explication
This phase follows the illumination phase in that the researcher studies the “ah
ha” moment in more detail. Moustakas (1990) explains it this way:
In the explication process, the heuristic researcher utilizes focusing, indwelling, self-searching, and self-disclosure, and recognizes that meanings are unique and distinctive to an experience and depend upon internal frames of reference. The entire process of explication requires that researchers attend to their own awarenesses, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and judgments as a prelude to the understanding that is derived from conversations and dialogues with others. (p. 31)
The explication phase is meant to examine more deeply what has been uncovered in the
awakening consciousness. Explication “brings together discoveries of meaning and
organizes them into a comprehensive depiction of the essences of the experience” (p. 31).
After this phase is complete, the researcher is ready to move on to the final phase of the
heuristic process.
Creative Synthesis
In this final phase, the researcher is very familiar with all aspects of the topic. At
this time, the researcher can use creative means to express his or her topics in the form of
poetry, a descriptive narrative, photographs, or stories. Moustakas (1990) states “The
major concepts that underlie a creative synthesis are the tacit dimension, intuition, and
self-searching” (p. 31). In other words, the researcher lets go of the data and allows the
creative process to grow into an expression of the essence of the phenomenon.
Heuristic inquiry requires inner work on the part of the researcher as well as the
co-researchers. In the form of self-dialog, the researcher must ask himself or herself the
same questions that he or she will ask his or her co-researchers during the interviews. By
doing this, the researcher puts his or her own experience into this process of discovery,
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Christianity to Agnosticism 40
and at the end of the research, will have a deeper understanding of the question his or she
wanted to examine. Research participants (co-researchers) enter into their own heuristic
process, which is very similar to the researcher’s in that they will also have a deep
understanding of their own process of the topic being discovered.
In this chapter, I have described the concepts, processes and phases of the
heuristic research model. In the next chapter, I will discuss the methods and procedures
used to research my inquiry into the experience of transitioning from traditional
Christianity to Agnosticism.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 41
CHAPTER IV
Methods and Procedures
In this chapter, I will explain the methods and procedures that I used in
preparation for collecting the data from my co-researchers and in analyzing that data.
There are four main parts to the methods and procedures of the heuristic model including:
methods and procedures used in preparing to collect data, methods and procedures used
to collect the data, methods and procedures in a self-search, and methods and procedures
used in organization and analysis of the data.
During the research, I was extremely involved in the self-searching process. The
first part of this process was to determine a topic of research. I wanted this topic to
promote strong emotions within myself, so that during the research process, not only
would I not get bored with the subject, but I would stay motivated in learning about the
topic. I brainstormed several ideas but none of them resonated with me or invoked strong
emotions in me.
Most of my life, I did not experience any strong emotional or passionate
connection to any subject matter. It was not until the last couple of years that not only
religion caused me to express strong emotions, but also politics. In that moment of time,
with George W. Bush being the President, the two topics were very much related. That is,
religion was being linked with the government and the Republican political party. It
reminded me of my transition from being a very right winged Christian to becoming an
Agnostic. From this experience, came the question: “What is the experience of
transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?”
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Christianity to Agnosticism 42
Once I formulated this question, I was free to immerse myself in my topic with
my whole being. Due to previous undergraduate research that I had completed, I knew
that some resources would come to me automatically, just when I needed them. This was
illustrated in the entertainment industry. It often happened when films were released out
of Hollywood at the same time and with basically the same topic. During the beginning
of this research process, I had turned on the television to see information on Christianity
and Agnosticism. I was able to get connected more with my topic by watching the
program. Also, sometime after that, I went to the book store and was moved to purchase
former President Jimmy Carter’s book, Our Endangered Values. I had no desire to read
this book at this time in my life, but I bought the book anyway. I started to read it and
found it useful in helping me understand why I had been a Christian, as well as why I had
the Christian church.
Methods and Procedures Used in Preparing to Collect Data
In this section, the criteria are outline of who can participate in this study, as well
as how I contacted my co-researchers to schedule an interview.
My co-researchers were located through networking with other students and mass
through mass e-mails to my friends and family who then forward the emails to their
friends and family. I also personally handed out flyers describing my research project and
what it entailed (Appendix A). I handed out this flyers a couple of weeks before starting
my interview of my first co-researcher.
There were seven co-researchers that volunteered to participate. They were found
to fit the following criteria:
1. They were over the age of 18 years old.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 43
2. They considered themselves Christians at one time in their lives.
3. They had a transition from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism and have a working memory of such a transition.
4. They were able to verbally articulate their experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism.
5. They were willing to disclose their experiences verbally, as well as have the discussion recorded via audiocassette. Interviews lasted approximately one hour, and were no longer than two hours.
6. They were willing to sign a form to allow the information given anonymously to be used in this thesis and in other published materials.
Co-researchers were initially contacted either by phone, in person, or by e-mail.
During this initial conversation, I asked if they understood the criteria and if they thought
they were a fit. A verbal conformation was obtained when interested in becoming a co-
researcher was expressed. Possible co-researchers received a formal letter (Appendix B)
describing the research question in further detail, and what was required of them as co-
researchers. This letter also asked the possible co-researchers to reflect on their transition
from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism.
At this time I did have one person state that he or she did not want to be a co-
researcher, indicating that he or she did not believe he or she fit the criteria, and was in
the process of re-thinking his or her position in his or her faith in Christianity. This left
me with six co-researchers remaining which consisted of two males and four females.
The possible co-researchers were then either e-mailed or called on the telephone
to see if they were still interested in being co-researchers. All of the six co-researchers
were still interested. A date, time, and place were then set up for the individual
interviews. When the interview took place, the co-researchers were asked to sign the
Participation-Release Agreement form (Appendix C).
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Christianity to Agnosticism 44
Methods and Procedures Used to Collect the Data
This section is in regards to collecting the data. This includes where the
interviews took place, what tools were used, and the type of questions that were asked.
This begins with a brief biographical sketch of each co-researcher that participated in this
study.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth was a 38-year-old Caucasian woman who had a Bachelors degree in
Counseling Psychology and was currently attending graduate school. Her job titles were
massage therapist, physical therapist assistant, and personal trainer.
Barbra
Barbra was a 66-year-old Caucasian woman who, for most of her life, was a stay
at home mother, as well as a home maker. She did graduate from high school.
Katie
Katie was a 35-year-old African American female. She had two bachelors’
degrees, one being in psychology and the other in electronic engineering. Her past jobs
included automotive engineers/managers.
Frances
Frances was a 45-year-old Caucasian woman. Her educational background
consisted of a bachelor of science, majoring in computer science. Her jobs included
computer programming and managerial work. She has since retired and became a stay at
home mom.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 45
Michael
Michael was a 41-year-old Caucasian male. He had a bachelor’s degree in social
worker and a degree in physical therapy. His past job occupations included social work,
and he is currently a physical therapist.
Keith
Keith was 23-year-old Caucasian male. He had a bachelor’s degree in psychology
and was currently a graduate student.
After my co-researchers were selected and it was confirmed that they met the
criteria, I then gathered the tools I needed for the interviews. Additionally, I selected a
place where the interviews will be held.
The tools that I used during the interviews were a tape recorder, and paper and
pen to be used by the co-researcher. The atmosphere that I used for the interview was
comfortable for the co-researcher, as well as convenient. The environment was also free
of interruptions and private. Most often, the meeting place chosen was at a local library.
There was one phone interview secondary as the co-researcher lived out-of-state.
In collecting the data, I became focused on my topic and was able to get the
answers to the questions without adding own my personal beliefs of how the question
should be answered. I used informal conversational questions when interviewing the co-
researchers. Moustakas (1990) states this of the conversational interview:
The conversational interview or dialogue is most clearly consistent with the rhythm and flow of heuristic exploration and search for meaning. Dialogue is the preferred approach in that it aims toward encouraging expression, elucidation, and disclosure of the experience being investigated. (p.47)
Before the interview, I sat quietly for a few minutes to ground myself, calm my
nerves and to “be” with the person I was interviewing. I then told myself that I would do
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Christianity to Agnosticism 46
everything I could to create a safe environment, and I hoped that both the co-researcher
and I could grow from this experience.
Moustakas (1990) stated this about interviewing a co-researcher:
In heuristic interviewing, the data generated is dependent upon accurate, empathic listening; being open to oneself and to the co-researcher; being flexible and free to vary procedures to respond to what is required in the flow of dialogue; and being skillful in creating a climate that encourages the co-researcher to respond comfortably, accurately, comprehensively, and honestly in elucidating the phenomenon. (p. 48)
The interview started with me asking permission to turn on the tape recorder.
After the co-researcher gave me permission to proceed, I began the discussion by asking
them “How are you doing?” After I felt the co-researcher was relaxed enough, I informed
them about what would be discussed during this interview. I then started the inquiry by
using the standardized open-ended questions.
Methods and Procedures in a Self-Search
During the next few months of this research, I used self-dialogued to learn of my
own experience. During this process, I interviewed myself and pretended that someone
else was interviewing me. Often this was done early in the morning while driving, and
also, when I had been immersed in the subject matter. This self-dialogue helped me to
organize my thoughts, and it gave me new ideas regarding where I wanted to go with this
research study.
During the initial engagement of my research, I was interested in the topic
because I had a first hand experience with it. Once I knew what the specific research
question was, it did not take me long to become immersed in the subject matter. I
constantly thought about all of the aspects of my topic throughout the day. I thought
about how I would approach my research and what steps I would have to take to create a
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Christianity to Agnosticism 47
successful thesis. However, there were times when I had to take a break from thinking
about my thesis topic. I needed to incubate the whole process to give not only my brain a
rest, but also my emotions because it was a passionate topic for me.
Methods and Procedures Used in the Organization and Analysis of the Data
After each co-researcher’s interview, I transcribed the taped sessions. I decided I
needed to transcribe the tapes myself in order to be able to get a better understanding of
my co-researchers’ experiences. According to Moustakas (1990), “essential to the process
of heuristic analysis is comprehensive knowledge of all materials for each participant and
for the group of participants collectively” (p.49). Once all of the co-researchers were
interviewed and the tapes were transcribed, I then organized the data into themes, the
common factors that were identified by the co-researchers. In doing this, I first tried to
pick out themes manually, this was hard to do and not very efficient. I then tried
highlighting some possible themes. After a few pages of doing this, I found that it was
confusing for me. I then attempted writing each possible theme on index cards, but this
turned out to be time consuming. Finally, I took each transcribed interview that was on
paper and cut out the possible themes. I then piled possible themes using an index card to
name the theme.
I was able to find five common themes. After finding those themes, I looked at
the transcribed interviews again. I then incubated for a couple of days by taking a break,
and then, later, came back to this part of the procedure to see if any more themes emerged
from the qualitative data that might have been missed before. After reading the
transcribed notes two more times, and re-arranging the possible themes, I was unable to
find additional themes that were common among the co-researchers.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 48
In the next chapter, Presentation of Findings, the themes will be identified that
were illustrated in most of the co-researchers’ experiences. In addition, a composite
depiction of the co-researchers and a creative synthesis will be created.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 49
CHAPTER V
Presentation of Findings
In this chapter, the data was organized into themes. The themes were common in
all six co-researchers or common in the majority (five) of the co-researchers in their
experiences of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism. After the
themes were identified and supporting data documented, a composite depiction of the
research participants was completed. Lastly, a creative synthesis was prepared to help
further understand what it was like to transition from traditional Christianity to
Agnosticism.
I interviewed six co-researchers, including myself, and independently transcribed
the tapes, so that I could be more immersed in each of their experiences. As I interviewed
each person, I was excited to hear about their experiences, and was interested in the fact
that each person experienced this transition differently from my own. I was able to
identify five common themes shared by the six co-researchers; they are as follows:
1. Required to be a part of an organized Christian dogma.
2. Questioned everything in regards to Christianity.
3. There were many doubts in believing in the Holy Bible.
4. The transition to become an Agnostic was over an extended period of time.
5. Personal beliefs that they were accepting and good people despite being an Agnostic.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 50
Themes
Theme One: Required to Be a Part of an Organized Christian Dogma
During childhood, each co-researcher was required to attend a church, a religious
school, or both. Therefore, they were exposed to the traditional teachings of Christianity
and had no choice in the matter when it came to hearing Christian teachings. The
following are the experiences of attending religious schools:
Elizabeth: I went to a Baptist school and that is where I became very religious in that I read the Bible and was excited about knowing God and knowing God loved me. Although I didn’t believe in some of the teachings that the Baptist school taught me, that was okay, because I knew there was a God, I knew there was a Jesus, and that they loved me, and I could at times feel them inside my soul.
Barbra: I did go to a Lutheran school from the third grade through seventh. I did go to church on Sundays, went to Sunday school, but mostly Sunday school more than church. We didn’t have religion in school but it was a religious school. We did have to go to Sunday school and all that stuff, and on the holidays we celebrated.
Keith: In the Christian school I was being forced to believe. But the people around me, my parents, my best friend’s mom, no one was forcing me. My parents told me to find my own beliefs. Their initial response was we will tell you what we believe and you can decide for yourself. The only place I was really forced is at school.
When attending the Christian school, Keith also stated: “I ended up reading the
entire Bible and memorizing most of the New Testament, not on purpose, but because I
had to.”
Frances was the only co-researcher who attended both a religious school and
church. She stated: “My mother took us to church every Sunday and I attended Catholic
schools. I went through Baptism, First Communion, Conformation, and confession once a
week. I had a lot of Catholicism growing up.”
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Christianity to Agnosticism 51
The other two co-researchers did not attend a religious school, but due to family
rearing, were required to attend church on a regular basis. This is how they described
their respective families’ religious upbringings:
Katie: It was probably when I was three or four when my family went to church, everyone but my dad. But it was more that we were forced to go because that’s just was what my mom believed.
Every Sunday and through the week, the kids [herself and siblings] where in the choir, we did after school activities, went to camp with the church, I mean we did everything with the church.
Michael: When I was growing up I attended Sunday school weekly. When I got to be in middle school and high school I joined the youth fellowship program which I avidly attended from seventh grade all the way through high school. For me this was important for me socially, we did a lot of Bible studies and a lot of out-reach stuff.
When I was a little kid, yes, [parents required him to go to church] that is what we did on Sunday mornings, went to church. Once we got into high school, I guess I was forced, it wasn’t like I threw fit, about going to church. That is what we did. When I got into seventh grade, the youth groups meet on Sunday evenings. I was given the option to not attend church on Sunday mornings if I did the youth thing in the evening. This is what I picked.
Theme Two: Questioned Everything in Regards to Christianity
Another theme the co-researchers had in common was that they questioned the
Christian faith. Co-researchers were not told that there was no God. They were able to
discover this on their own by starting to question their faith. Some co-researchers stated
that they researched their questions by either looking for references or asking people for
answers. The following was how some of the co-researchers described how and what
they went through when questioning their faith:
Elizabeth: I went on the internet. I just knew I didn’t believe in the Bible. And I just couldn’t specifically say why I did not believe in the Bible because when you go to church they only tell about the scriptures they want you to know about. I found a lot of sites that debunk the Bible, both Old and New Testament. I learned about the contradiction between the scriptures, which I already knew about some.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 52
Like whether a person can be a head of the church if they are married or not. Depending on which scripture you are reading will tell you if you can or can not.
So when I was reading on the internet about this all this stuff, even about words in the Bible changing. I kind of got really upset and didn’t understand why people believe so strongly in it. And I know this sounds really bad, but am I the only smart one in this world that beliefs there might not be a God and not believe in this Bible? And even about one and half years ago, I had to take a Bible class in my undergrad. I was open minded to learn more and maybe get convinced that there is a God. But that back fired and the teacher convinced me even more that the Bible cannot be true.
Barbra: I felt excited about it [about questioning]. I felt good about it. I thought I was onto something. Yeah, it didn’t bother me to question it. Because questioning it was who I was anyway. Who I was brought up as. I learned in my childhood to always question everything. So it was a natural thing for me, it felt ok, good to search, I like to search.
Katie: I don't know weather or not I believed in him. I think it was to the point where you knew he existed because someone told you he did and because everyone talked about it. But I was always the kid that said…you know…you can give us a cabbage and we can pray to the cabbage and get the same results. You know, because that was the one question I always used to ask, how can you believe in the person that you didn’t know whether or not this person was real or really existed? It’s not that I don’t believe that there’s a higher power, I’m just saying I just don’t believe it’s a man, it could have actually been a women, and it could have been a goat.
[when asked how it felt to question] Please, I thought I was the smartest person on earth. You couldn’t tell me no wrong. I had my questions and I was hoping nobody can answer them. It still feels that way today. I have friends who are very big in religion and I will question them, they will ask me certain things, and I will ask them certain things. They always say Katie why do you read between the lines. I say, that is the way of life. That is how society works. That why we feed off of gossip. People are reading between the lines. You can’t stop someone from telling half a story. I like to know the other half.
I have questioned, every kid, when you ask a question and no one can answer, it makes you feel like your ego becomes huge. For me to be able to ask questions that no one had answers to, I thought I was smarter then they were. It made me feel smarter.
I was always told the dumbest question is the one that you never ask. So If I had a question, I was going to ask it whether or not it hurt someone’s feelings or whatever, and not to the point it really hurt someone’s feelings. If you want me to believe in something and I ask you a question, I expect a legitimate answer. I
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Christianity to Agnosticism 53
don’t want you to say what verse it is or what passage in the book, just tell me. If you want me to believe in it, maybe you should know it enough to be able to explain a lot of my questions. I know pastors, deacons and others, and I ask the same question over and over about the Adam and Eve thing. You know how many different scenarios I’ve heard about this. Oh Katie they don’t tell you about Adam and Eve’s brother and sister, and I say what, where is that in that freak’n book? They must be talking about the Old and New Testament part II. I mean, everybody has their own scenario and it is just sad that everyone believes in this book and no one really knows what they are really saying. They are just talking because someone told them that those were the facts that this is the book to use as reference.
Michael: Even in Bible study we were allowed to question things, to make up our own mind of how things are. I stayed in the group [youth group] because it was a very open group and accepting group of people.
I think it all comes from not really getting it from the beginning [Christianity], but going along with it. As I studied it and learned more about it, the more questions I had about it, the more inconsistencies. Eventually, I said this flat out isn’t right. There is something just not right about it.
Keith: I guess I was confused for awhile [when he started to question]. When you start to question what you are given as a given. It’s really confusing. You feel who has the power; you don’t know who has the power. Is there power out there? Is there someone watching you? It’s really just questioning everything. Really I feel much more power as an Agnostic than I did as a Christian.
But the most popular one quote is John 3:16. “And God gave his only begotten son so the world can be saved.” My question to the church, to my mom, and to anyone was why would God need a sacrifice to save his own creation. No one had an answer. Of course no one had an answer. No one knows. I could ask church officials questions but they got pissed off because you are not suppose to question faith. Come on, It was just the why question. Why did this happen? Why would it have to happen? Why would God give blood to save? What is the purpose of it? Why would God create a hell? Why would there be someplace to punish his own creation when he can snap his fingers and it would no longer exist?
Questioning what they were told about Christianity came up for each of the co-
researchers. Michael and Keith questioned themselves and came up with the answers they
were searching for when questioning whether there was a God or not. Alternatively,
Elizabeth searched the internet, and Katie and Keith asked people at their church or
anyone who might have an answer to their questions.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 54
Theme Three: There Were Many Doubts in Believing in the Holy Bible
Many doubts were detected in the research in consideration of the Bible’s content,
as well as in who wrote the Bible. The co-researchers found it hard to believe, word-for-
word, what was written in the Bible. Some co-researchers dismissed the Bible all
together, while others believed there might be truth to some of the Bible, but not to all of
it.
Elizabeth: You start to hear contradictions in the Bible……A lot of things are said in the Bible, like the great flood. But some part of the earth shows there was a great flood but others don’t. They talk about the big bang and that God created the world in seven days, they changed it, a day could be a million years. Just a lot of things change to fit science. In my job as a Physical Therapist Assistant, I’ve become more scientific. I just needed more proof of anything. So I read these things that are supposed to help you but if there is no scientific proof, there is no proof, and there is just one Bible and who knows where that came from as well. Since I can’t read the original writing I am not even sure what it really says.
I have a rough time believing the Bible is true at all. I believe it is a good teaching tool. I pretty much dismissed the Bible altogether. I just think that regular men wrote it for whatever reasons.
Barbra: You know, but I went along with all this stuff until just about a year or two ago when I came across or was directed to several passages in the Bible. One of them was in the Old Testament, where God commanded somebody or another, this army to go ahead slaughter, kill everyone in this city. Just kill everyone because apparently he didn’t like the way they were acting or whatever, they were enemies. God said kill them all but he said don’t kill any unmarried women. All unmarried women all those who has not slept with a man, the army could keep for themselves. And the thought came across that includes babies, and it was girl babies. And that includes teenage girls who weren’t married. All girls who weren’t married. And that right there clinched it for me and from then on I had no questions what so ever about the Bible, about Jesus, and about God. I of course don’t believe in the Bible’s God and I don’t believe in Jesus, but I am not sure about a God or a being of some kind. I’m not.
Katie: I don’t know, because I just believe the Bible was written by a man just like any fiction or non-fiction book. I am not saying that every story in there is false, but I’m just saying a lot of it was exaggerated and exacerbated. Just like any type of rumor, you start off at one end of the room tell somebody a piece of gossip by the time it gets to the end, and somebody writes it down, the story is totally different. There is some truth in there, but the whole entire thing I don’t think is
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Christianity to Agnosticism 55
true. That is where I am.
Frances: I think the Bible has some interesting thoughts about how one lives one’s life in the sense that it has stories that have a message. But I don’t believe it word for word. I definitely don’t believe it word for word. I mean if you read like, who is that guy from Tibet, Dali Lama? If you read his books he has the same concepts where he is sending certain messages based on the stories he is telling. The Bible tells the stories too. They are different stories and slightly different messages. But the word Bible, the Adam and Eve stuff, Jonah got ate by a whale, and all that stuff, I don’t believe in that as facts, I believe it in terms of fiction as trying to convey a message.
Michael: It was through the Bible studies, the questioning, and discussions, I always found myself taking the view of, that’s not really reliable information. How do you know that? There is so much that is said and written in the Bible and then you find out you get little pieces of information about who wrote the Bible and where it really came from. And on top of that we were taught that the Bible is something that you did not take literally it is something you interpret. For one thing, this is hard for me to believe, through pure logic that anyone can take it literally. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, obviously a poet wrote that. There is nobody there, nobody saw it happen nobody knows exactly how it happened, I don’t care if God came down and told you exactly how it happened, you know. It’s written out very nicely, but you know it didn’t happen exactly like that whether there is a God or not. To me it just doesn’t make any sense. I believe that people who believe that need to believe it…
When I asked Keith about his current belief in the Bible now, his answer was
simply: “Best seller book. It’s fiction, as far as I am concerned.” Elizabeth, Barbra, and
Frances each related a story from the Bible in which they had difficulty believing it could
be true. Ultimately, each of the co-researchers did not believe in the Bible word-for-word,
and as you can see, some dismissed it altogether.
Theme Four: The Transition to Become an Agnostic Was Over an Extended Period of Time.
Another common theme was that each co-researcher stated that it took a long
period of time of questioning, before they started to become an Agnostic. They did not
give any indication that there was a tragic event in their lives that caused them to question
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Christianity to Agnosticism 56
their faith in a higher being. Rather they described this extended period of time as
follows:
Elizabeth: It is hard to pin point [when she became an Agnostic]. Probably after I attended those churches and I can’t remember a specific time. It wasn’t like one day I woke up and decided to become an Agnostic. I just kind of doubted… I don’t have a specific date when I became an Agnostic. I didn’t just wake up one day and say I’ll become an Agnostic. Because it goes against what most society believes in.
I hear this all the time. I hear it especially from Christians, when they hear that I am Agnostic. I must have had a tragic event to make me doubt my belief in God. I don’t think there was but I do doubt. I don’t think there was. It happened in my late twenties. It wasn’t an overnight thing. I just starting doubting.
Barbra: About a year ago [when she became an Agnostic], or was it three years ago? I don’t remember. I was on the brink, I think, for a few years actually, wavering. I always questioned even when I was a child.
Katie: During my questionable period [is when she became an Agnostic]. Once I realized that things were not going the way that people where portraying it to be like. I said that was around six or seven years old. For a while I thought I was an Atheist. I had to sit back and accept the fact that I am an Agnostic. I am not a total Atheists, because I believe there is something. I don’t know, probably around sixteen or seventeen years old, probably a ten year period from me thinking I was an Atheist to an Agnostic.
Frances: Maybe it was 18 months ago [she became an Agnostic]. There was no particular event. It was a combination of a lot of things. I just completely lost faith. I had prayed to God and I prayed to God. I didn’t do the Catholic stuff but I prayed for my friends, and I prayed for myself. I wasn’t alert about it. It was a private relationship between me and God. It wasn’t necessarily praying in the traditional sense. It was more like talking to God, if I am going through this and I need some help. It was really more, I would say, I had hoped and believed in that. I waited for this private relationship to be different from the Catholic Church then. I had a lot of trouble relating the Catholic Church to God, quite frankly. It was the church thing. It was almost like this club I belonged to and God was a different thing. So I would say about eighteen months ago I decided I wasn’t sure if there’s a God or there wasn’t. But, if there was one, he wasn’t doing me any good.
Michael stated that there was not one particular event that made him question his
whole religious belief system. He also stated “it was kind of a slow progressive thing all
the way through” when describing his journey from Christianity to Agnosticism.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 57
Keith was able to identify approximately how long it was before he finished his
journey:
I read up on Buddhism, Hinduism, Dualism, Judaism, and Christianity. It didn’t matter what it was. I read up on them and took what I liked from each one and formed my own beliefs. Right around fifteen or sixteen, I started doubting Christianity. A friend, who was hard core Catholic, told me if I didn’t believe in hell, that I was going to hell. My response to him was if I don’t believe it, it can’t hurt me. Right around there I stated forming my own beliefs. My process was staying up late at night. I was an insomniac. And just thinking, that was basically what I did. It was just working out. I had all this information to work with in my head. I needed some place to work it all out. Over the process of five to six months I came to the conclusion that there was no hell and I started doubting weather or not God really existed. I started doubting that anyone can actually know. By around seventeen or eighteen I was an Agnostic. I think up till about eighteen I still called myself a Christian, but I really didn’t believe it. It was more for convenience then anything else. Once I had left home at eighteen, and gone to college, I was an Agnostic. I identify as being Agnostic.
Both Keith and Katie stated that they became Agnostics when they were about
seventeen-years-old. It was difficult for most of the co-researchers to specify when they
labeled themselves Agnostic, as it happened over a long period of time. At the time of
their respective interviews all of the co-researchers labeled themselves as Agnostic
except Michael and Frances. Michael did not like to use labels and Frances stated she had
a change of heart and was now a Christian.
Theme Five: Belief that They were Accepting and Good People Despite Being an Agnostic
The last theme that I was able to identify was how my co-researchers viewed
themselves, the world, and Christians. They state that they had a better tolerance towards
people and believed that they were living their lives correctly, even though they had
doubts in Christianity.
Elizabeth: I try not to do that [convert Christians to become Agnostic] because I understand it is part of the Christian religion to convert people and to save people. That is their belief system. I don’t have to do that. There are times I really want to
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Christianity to Agnosticism 58
try, but I know as hard as it would be for anyone to try and change me it would be just as difficult to change their belief. Not only that, I think it has to be a self discovery. I think that it is something that people have to discover. People have to fall into their own belief. I am envious of people who do have that strong belief in God. I don’t want them to convert, because converting is a very confusing almost painful thing and you feel alone. I didn’t feel lied to, but I felt I was the only one who believed this way. I felt like I was a bad person. It is just difficult. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do at times, because everyone has a yes or no in their belief in a higher being. I don’t like gray areas. A lot of people don’t know what Agnostic is. I am not saying there is a God I am just saying there is no proof in it, we can’t say for sure. I just don’t have a problem questioning things. That is what life is about. Learning things.
Barbra: It took many years and then right towards the end it didn’t take me any time at all to drop the whole business. I don’t have that burden anymore, that burden of fear, of wondering if I am doing the right thing, or the wrong thing, or worried sick if I am going to make it to heaven or not. I don’t have to worry about any of that stuff. Of course the burden is all on me. I don’t have anyone to turn to now. I think that’s what people turn to if everything else goes wrong. If things go wrong in their life, they can turn to what they think is a God and ask Jesus and pray for help. But I found out it’s all in your own hands, no one else’s, you have to do it yourself, help yourself.
I’m probably more of understanding of people because I believe in humanity now. More so then before. I don’t know how it came about, that’s probably my belief system. Trying to be good to all people the best I can anyways. Trying to understand them more. Now that religion is out of the way it just freed me to look at people and humanity in a whole different way and I don’t know how that came about but it just has. I would strive now to be this good nice person rather then go to heaven and believe in all this stuff. I would strive now to believe in being good to people understanding people. I have sympathy in them. I am just trying to strive to be a nice person without the religion part because I want to be, not because I am going to be rewarded with anything or I have to. Just because I think it’s the right thing to do.
Katie: I am ok with it, I am happy. That is what I consider myself now, I am happy about it. I am grown. What other people think of me is not a concern of mine as can I look at myself in the mirror and admit and agree with the things that I think about for whatever reason. It has nothing to do with society. It’s just me personally.
I know a lot of Atheists. I cannot believe that there is no higher power. I see their point of view as well. I don’t treat those guys any different, and I don’t expect anybody else to treat me any different. If they don’t like what I have to say, we don’t have to talk about religion. I mean if they don’t like what I have to say, it’s like when you watch a program on TV. If you don’t like it, turn the channel.
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Don’t complain about the channel, because of the program that is on TV. You don’t like it because it might be ok for everyone else. Just turn the freak’n channel. If people don’t like what I have to say, move. I am ok with it. I can live with myself everyday.
I think that the ones that preach the book and live their lives the opposite of what it says are hypocrites. Just like, you know, Dr. you know, what is her name she can quote the Bible to you, but they say it’s ok to drink as long as you don’t get drunk, or lies. She is going to school for theology, and I can’t tell you how many lies she told me and a lot of it, I have it in writing. That tells me a lot. I don’t like her any less. It just lets me know that she believes in something because someone else told her it’s the right thing to do. But you can’t live your life by the word and phrases that you use, why do you use them? I am not going to say, oh yeah, I am the most religious person out there, but I tell you one thing, I am not preaching one thing and living something else. I think those are hypocritical liars, to make the term simple.
Michael: I try to live my life the same, whether I believe in God or not. Whether or not there is a God, or whether or not I believe in a God should not make any difference. It’s irrelevant. If there is a God, he will accept me either way. Unless it’s one of those Gods that is going to judge me, there again is the conflict in Gods. Do you believe in God? Which God? The vengeful God or the loving God?
I am to the stage now where I am just quiet about it [being an Agnostic] and go about my business. This guy told me I was a dead man walking once and he was looking forward to life after death, I thought to myself, actually, you’re the dead man walking, because you are just waiting to die so you can have life after death. While I am living my life to the fullest. I don’t know how I am the dead man walking. Occasionally it happens. I don’t look for conflict and argument. It’s not my nature to be a confronting person. If it comes up, sure I’ll discuss it and I’ll argue it. I basically keep quite about it. It’s no body else’s business.
Keith: [when asked how it feels to be among the minority with his belief] Actually it felt good. You kind of step back. You step out of the group. You see all the worker ants and they follow along and you want to say hey, there is another world out here, there is another perspective. Every time you try, they fight you. Yes, I have tried, and I talked to people who believed it. “Can’t you see it from this perspective?” It’s always no.
I tried for a period of time to get people to see from my perspective, I suppose. I would only try that when people would try to force me to see their beliefs. Or see from their perspective. I never really tried to change anyone unless they tried to change me. It was kind of a retaliation thing. If you are going to try and put my beliefs down, then I can do worse to your type of thing [belief]. Defense I guess. Defense and attack. But really, I never really want to talk about my beliefs unless someone else wants to. It wasn’t something I brought up. Something I didn’t want
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Christianity to Agnosticism 60
to bring out there. “Hey by the way, I’m an agnostic.”
Beliefs are personal. Religion is personal. I don’t think organized religion is a good idea. I think it is an inheritably corrupted idea. I think religion is something each person should find for themselves. If people want to know about my beliefs, sure I’ll tell them. If they don’t I have no reason to share.
I think society’s attitude towards religion has changed. I think for awhile there it was as long as I was a Christian. I was part of the group. But Agnostics now are being persecuted, George Bush and all. If they don’t believe in God they are not part of our country they are not patriotic or whatever. I don’t know. The world changes everyday.
The attitude of the co-researchers was that they were good people despite what
Christians believed them to be. Michael, Katie, and Keith stated that they did not bring up
their beliefs in religion and God unless they were asked. They felt it was not the business
of anyone else, and that they did not want to start a conflict.
Composite Depiction
Using these themes, I composed a composite depiction to provide a better
understanding of what it is like for someone to transition from traditional Christianity to
Agnosticism. While each of the co-researcher’s experiences were different, they did have
similar themes. Most of were grounded in their beliefs as Agnostics, but at the same time,
those beliefs were changing. The composite depiction was written in the first person so
that the reader can get a better sense of what a person goes through when transitioning.
This is simply a sense of what a person goes through, and not everyone transitions
through it in exactly the same way.
I started questioning whether or not there was a God at a young age when I was
required to attend a Christian school. The school was very strong in its faith, and being a
young child, I felt like I had no choice but to believe what the authorities told me.
Essentially, I felt as thought I was being forced to believe. My family was not very
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Christianity to Agnosticism 61
religious, and I was the only one in the household who went to Sunday school as a child
and to Church as a teenager and adult. We did not discuss religion or God in the home
but it was understood that, as a family, we all believed.
The Christian school that I attended was very strict, and I often went to the
school’s church services, as well as being taught religion as part of the school’s
curriculum. I was required to attend its religious classes and learn about its religious
beliefs even though I was baptized under another religious faith. Sometimes, it was
overwhelming because I did not always believe in what the teachers told me to believe in,
and I felt like I was a bad person if I did not believe.
In my teenage years, I started questioning if God was real. I could not understand
why my prayers were not being answered since I prayed so hard. Especially considering
the fact that they say if you pray for things, they will happen. I would pray very hard
because I was told to pray for what I wanted. The church and school officials would say
that if you pray for certain things, certain things would happen. However, this was not so.
I was confused: I could not understand why God was not answering my prayers.
Due to this conflict, I started to ask myself many questions. The church officials
did not like that I asked questions about the Bible, and yet, in the regular classrooms, the
teachers encouraged us to ask questions. I could ask church officials questions, but they
got angry with me because I was not suppose to question faith. I had so many questions,
and no one had the answers. Multiple questions came to mind: Why would God have to
give his only son to save us? What is the purpose of it? Why would God create a hell?
Why would there be a place to punish God’s own creations when God could snap his
fingers and someone would no longer exist? I did not think they were hard questions;
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Christianity to Agnosticism 62
they were just questions to ask when something does not make sense to you.
Most of the questions I had were in regard to the Bible. I had a difficult time
believing the Bible was true at all. Although I believed it was a good teaching tool for
moral lessons of life, I pretty much dismissed the Bible altogether. I simply thought that
regular men wrote it for their own reasons, which I was unaware of and no one could
explain. I just believed that it was a best selling book, and that it was fiction. It was hard
to believe absolutely in God when it was based on this book.
After a few years of questioning not only whether there was a God, a Jesus, or if
the Bible was factual, I decided I was an Agnostic. I do not remember exactly when I
became an Agnostic. I was on the brink of transitioning, I think, for a few years,
wavering.
Ultimately, I am a person who does not believe in everything that someone tells
me. I have to question things before I believe in them. I am a good person even though
Christians think I am not, due to my doubt in the existence of God. I try to live a good
life, and just because I do not believe in Jesus, this does not mean that I do not have
morals. I do not have the burden of wondering if I am doing the right thing, or the wrong
thing, and I am not worried sick questioning if I am going to make it to heaven or not. I
believe that I have to do it myself and be the person I want to be, not because I have to so
that I can go to heaven, or that I have to because some God will punish me. I am doing it
because I believe it is right.
I am a better person now that I believe differently than most people in my society.
I have a deep tolerance for all kinds of people and I do not discriminate against anyone
who does not fit an ideal profile. I want you to know that I respect Christianity and would
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Christianity to Agnosticism 63
not be the person I am without it. Just because I am not a Christian today, does not mean
I am not spiritual. While I have doubts about whether there is a God or not, I am sure he
will accept me for who I am.
Creative Synthesis
The creative synthesis, comprising three parts, is the final section of this chapter.
The idea for it came to me a few weeks after one of my co-researchers mentioned Santa
Claus. When I started thinking about the creative synthesis, I remembered the co-
researcher said about believing in Santa Claus because that is what you are told, and I
thought it had relevant symbolism. When I went to sit down to actually write the creative
synthesis, I wrote Part III off of the top of my head. I was somewhat happy with it but I
knew I wanted to include Santa Claus. I then sat down again, began brainstorming, and
another idea came up, which developed into Part II. I was finally able to come up with
my original idea, Part I. I have included all three sections since they are a progression of
my belief.
Trilogy: Part I: Childhood reflections: First thought: Is there a Santa Claus?
My mama and I are standing in a long line, at the mall, waiting to see Santa Claus.
There are so many moms, dads, grandparents, and children waiting to see Santa. I can’t
wait to sit on his lap. I am going to tell him all the toys that I want for Christmas.
I am going to tell Santa Claus that I want a doll and a buggy to put my new doll
in. I also want to tell him I want a new dress with lace sleeves, roller skates, a puppy, and
a red tricycle with a bell on it. I hope I remember to ask for all this; I am so nervous in
seeing and talking to him.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 64
I have been nice all year. My mama told me that Santa Claus knows when you are
naughty or nice, so I really tried hard to be nice. My mama also told me that Santa Claus
knows when I am sleeping and when I am awake. So on Christmas Eve, I have to make
sure I get to bed real early so that Santa will know that I am asleep. My mama also told
me he makes a list of all the little girls and boys in the world and puts next to their name
if they have been naughty or nice. He then checks this list twice! My mama also says that
if a little boy or girl is bad, they get coal in their Christmas stocking instead of presents. I
don’t want that to happen to me.
My daddy read The Night Before Christmas to me last night. I really liked that
story. Have you heard of it? You know it starts off “Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” Did you know
that Santa has eight reindeers named Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,
Donder and Blitzen? I wonder how Santa keeps track of their names. I also wonder why I
never saw a deer fly like they do in that story. Everyone knows about Santa’s reindeers
but no one ever saw one fly in real life. And by the way, how do they fly? At the zoo, I
have never seen a deer with wings on its back.
In the story The Night Before Christmas, it describes Santa Claus’s sleigh as a
miniature sleigh. If it is small, how does he keep all the toys in the sleigh? Does he fly
back to the North Pole every few houses to fill up his sleigh with new toys?
I am sure tired of standing in line waiting to see Santa Claus. He’s a big guy; how
can he fit down a chimney like the story my daddy told me last night? What about the
houses that don’t have chimneys like my friend Amy’s house? She told me that Santa
comes through the front door. Why doesn’t he just come through all the front doors?
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Christianity to Agnosticism 65
Wouldn’t it be easier for him and cleaner? And another thing, how does putting his finger
on the side of his nose make him rise up into the chimney? I’ve never seen anyone put
their finger on their face and rise up in the air like magic.
My mama and daddy always say I ask too many questions. I can’t help it. I just
want some answers, and often no one can answer them. I kind of think its funny that no
one can answer my questions. I feel smarter then my parents because I thought of these
questions and they can’t answer them.
I am next to see Santa Claus. I wonder if he is the real Santa Claus. I saw him on
the street when we were driving here to the mall. I also saw him standing outside the mall
ringing a bell. Now here he is, in front of me. Is there more then one Santa Claus? There
are so many Santa Clauses in the world, how do you know which one is the right one?
Does one of them have proof that he is the real Santa?
They called my mama up to Santa Claus. I crawled up onto his lap and started to
tell him all the presents I want for Christmas. When I finished telling him, he laughed his
hardy laugh. We then had our picture taken. I kissed him on the cheek, and said good-
bye. As my mother and I made our way through the crowd away from Santa Claus, I
looked back at the jolly old man, and thought to myself, “I don’t know if you are real or
not, but it does not matter, as long as I get my presents.”
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Christianity to Agnosticism 66
Part II: Childhood reflections: second thought: Am I good enough?
You better watch outYou better not cry
Better not poutI’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
I will be good little girlI will not be mean to my brother
I want him to come to town I want Santa Claus to come to my house
He’s making a listAnd checking it twice;
Gonna find out who’s naughty and niceSanta Claus is coming to town
I will clean my roomI will take the dog for a walkI will eat my brussel sprouts
Santa Claus will see that I am nice and not naughty
He sees you when you’re sleeping He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or goodSo be good for goodness sake!
I will go to bed when I am toldI will not lie because he is watching me
I want to be goodI want Santa Claus to give me lots of presents
You better watch outYou better not cry
Better not poutI’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
I pouted a lot this yearI also screamed and cried because I was mad
What is going to happen?Will Santa Claus still come to my house?
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Christianity to Agnosticism 67
He’s making a listAnd checking it twice;
Gonna find out who’s naughty and niceSanta Claus is coming to town
I was not nice to my brother this yearI was mischievous according to my parents
I bet I will be on the naughty listSanta must know that I was disobedient
He sees you when you’re sleeping He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or goodSo be good for goodness sake!
I tried really hard to be goodBut maybe he really doesn’t see me
Sometimes I was goodHow can this be, Santa still brought me presents this year?
You better watch outYou better not cry
Better not poutI’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
If Santa Claus is coming to town, why do I have to watch out?Does he not understand what it is like to be a little girl?
I cried and pouted last year, nothing happenedI still got my presents
He’s making a listAnd checking it twice;
Gonna find out who’s naughty and niceSanta Claus is coming to town
There are a lot of children in the worldHow can he keep track of them all?
How does he have time to check his list twice?How does Santa Claus determine who is naughty or nice?
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Christianity to Agnosticism 68
He sees you when you’re sleeping He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or goodSo be good for goodness sake!
How does he know that I am sleeping?How does he know that I am awake?
How does he know that I’ve been good or bad?I get presents either way from Santa Claus
You better watch outYou better not cry
Better not poutI’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
I try to be good, because it feels goodI do not need anyone to tell me this
I am not sure if he is coming to townI am not even sure if Santa Claus exists
He’s making a listAnd checking it twice;
Gonna find out who’s naughty and niceSanta Claus is coming to town
There is no listThat I am certain of
It’s alright that I am naughty or niceIf there is such a thing as Santa Claus, he will understand
He sees you when you’re sleeping He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or goodSo be good for goodness sake!
I hope someone is watching over meBut it is okay if no one is
I am a good person even though…I question whether Santa Claus is real
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Christianity to Agnosticism 69
Part III: Adult reflections: Last thought: Knowing my own heart
To my fellow Agnostic’s
I am here
you are not alone
I have faith that we will become what we are meant to be
To those who don’t know me
Don’t judge me because I don’t have your faith
Know that I have morals
Know that I can not be forced to believe
To those who want to know me
I am no different than you
I am open-minded
I will accept you and your beliefs
To those who want to change me
I respect your beliefs
I am grounded in my beliefs
Please respect me and my beliefs
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Christianity to Agnosticism 70
To those who are questioning their faith
Talk to someone you trust
A minister, a priest, a deacon
Then go with your heart
In this chapter, the themes that were common in the co-researchers experiences of
transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism were identified. In addition, a
composite depiction of the co-researchers’ experiences was completed. Lastly, a creative
synthesis was written to further create an understanding of the participants’ experience of
transition. In the next chapter a discussion of implications and applications of the
research findings will be explored
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Christianity to Agnosticism 71
CHAPTER VI
Discussion and Conclusions
In this chapter, a summary of each chapter is provided. In addition, implications
and applications of this study are addressed.
Chapter I
I identified my research question: “What is the experience of transitioning from
traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?” After the question was identified, I described
my own experience and knowledge of this transition. I then defined the key words
contained in my research question. These words were: what, experience, transitioning,
from, traditional, Christianity, and Agnosticism.
Chapter II
I reviewed relevant literature that pertained to my research topic. Although I was
unable to find any scholarly research studies that matched my exact question, I was able
to find literature that I could use to help answer my question. In this chapter, I also stated
where I found the relevant materials, as well as how difficult it was to find pertinent
information on Agnosticism.
Chapter III
In describing the research model used, I discussed what Heuristic research was, as
well as qualitative research in relation to the topic. I also identified the seven concepts of
this methodology and the processes involved in heuristic research. Finally, I pointed out
the six phases that are important in the heuristic model.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 72
Chapter IV
In this chapter, I discussed the methods and procedures I used in conducting this
research. I indicated the manner in which I acquired my co-researchers’ participation, and
what was required from my co-researchers in order to be eligible to participate in my
study. I also identified the methods and procedures used to collect the data, which
included location of the interviews, the tools used, and the type of questions asked during
the interview. I also described how I organized and analyzed the data I collected.
Chapter V
Here, I identified the five themes that were common among my co-researchers.
The major themes were: was required to be a part of an organized Christian dogma;
questioned everything in regards to Christianity; there were many doubts in believing in
the Holy Bible; the transition to become an Agnostic was over an extended period of
time; and personal belief that they are accepting and good people despite being an
Agnostic. After the themes were identified, a composite depiction of the co-researchers
experiences was created, as well as a creative synthesis of the study.
My study, focusing on the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity
to Agnosticism, has implications for Agnostics. As an Agnostic myself, it was frustrating
for me because I felt that I was the only one who was an Agnostic, and the only one who
felt like no one understood what I was experiencing. It is psychologically beneficial for
people who are going through this transition, or who have previously been through this
transition, to know they are not alone. It is also important for them to know that they are
not bad people for doubting what most of those around them believe. Although there was
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Christianity to Agnosticism 73
no common feeling while going through this transition, there were common beliefs about
what they went through to become an Agnostic.
Another implication of this study is that psychotherapists need to understand the
questioning that an Agnostic goes through before they land on their belief. In
understanding this, the clinician can help his or her clients find out their own beliefs and
yet, understand that this evaluation of beliefs is not a decision a person comes to in a
short amount of time.
Another benefit of this study is for Christians to understand that the transition is
not something that is taken lightly and that it did not happen overnight. In recent time,
Agnostics have been viewed as being un-moral because they have no definite belief in
God. Because of this belief, Agnostics and Atheists feel like they are discriminated
against in that they are not allowed to voice their opinions or beliefs in fear of being
persecuted. Thus, with the knowledge that this transition is trying and difficult, Christians
might have a better understanding that Agnostics and Atheists did not transition over
night, but intellectually thought about it for a long period of time.
Based on the findings of this study, I feel that there is an immense need for further
research. By studying this question, I hope to help people understand the process of
becoming an Agnostic. I also believe that further research will benefit the religious
community in that it will help explain why a person does not have complete faith that
there is a God. Understanding this concept could possibly prevent some individuals from
becoming Agnostic.
I was surprised that I did not find any research on this subject at a Christian
College. My thought process was that if I was a devoted Christian, I would want to be
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Christianity to Agnosticism 74
able to convert to Agnostic to a Christian and also prevent a Christian from becoming an
Agnostic. Continued research on this topic may help in this arena.
Many limitations were discovered during my research that were not initially
thought of at the start of the project. One of the limitations was the small amount of
sample population that I was able to locate. With only six co-researchers, I did find some
common themes, but I was unable to find a common theme involving how one feels
during the transition. I believed that this was due to the fact that these particular
transitions happened over a long period of time and none of the researchers had to face a
crisis situation, which might have made them change right away.
Another problem that might have skewed the results of this study was how “solid”
the co-researchers were in the fact that they viewed themselves as an Agnostic. Most of
my co-researchers were comfortable with being an Agnostic. However, during a pre-
interview with one co-researcher just two days before the actual interview, I discovered
she no longer considered herself an Agnostic because of a “miracle” incident that
happened to her. Since the criteria did not specify that one had to be an Agnostic at the
time of the interview, I decided she could proceed in the study.
An additional limitation was when a co-researcher started questioning when she
considered herself an Agnostic. Most of the co-researchers started questioning at a very
young age, while others took for granted what was being told to them as truth. In
questioning at a young age, most of the co-researchers did not completely believe in the
Christian faith, but still considered and called themselves Christians. Also, in questioning
at a young age, the co-researchers called themselves Agnostic mostly in their early
twenties.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 75
If this research is to be further studied, a look into educational and professional
background, as well as family patterns of Agnostics and Atheists would be helpful. Since
I was unable to find any scholarly statistics or studies on Agnosticism, it would be
interesting to find reviews of further studies.
Ultimately, I was very surprised at my findings. I would not have guessed that all
my co-researchers would have some kind of organized religious dogma in their lives
where they were required to attend religious services regularly. I thought that being in a
faith-based church or school would have made them stronger in their Christian faith. I
was not surprised however, that it took my co-researchers a long period of questioning
before they came to view themselves as Agnostics. In my own experience it took years,
and there was no tragic event that shook my faith. In saying this, when I talked with
Christians about my lack of faith, they often said it was not unusual for someone to have
little faith after a tragic event. However, with all of my co-researchers, there were no
tragic events in their lives that made them question their faith. I was also not surprised
that most of the co-researchers considered themselves nice and caring people despite
what others might have thought of them. During the interviews, I did not have to prompt
the co-researches to state how they viewed themselves, they just offered this information
to me. In doing so, it was my belief that they, as well as I, felt from society that if one
does not have faith in Christianity, then one is an evil or a bad person.
After completing this study, I feel much more confident in my own lack of faith in
Christianity, and I now feel that I am not alone in my own struggles. If I should happen to
come upon people who are starting to question their faith, I would recommend that they
follow their heart. I feel that I should not direct their thought process since I am biased.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 76
Instead, I would offer caring support in either path that they choose to take. In reacting in
any other way, I would be no better then the people who try to convince others forcefully
what to believe.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 77
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McBride, A. (1981). Religion is a gift of God. In D. L. Bender & B. Leone (Eds.), Religion and human experience: Opposing viewpoints (pp. 21-24). St. Paul, MN: Greenhaven Press.
Merriam-Webster (2003). Merriam-Webster Dictionary. New York: Merriam-Webster.
Miller, R. C. (1981). The four sources of religious beliefs. In D. L. Bender & B. Leone (Eds.), Religion and human experience: opposing viewpoints (pp. 39-43). St. Paul, MN: Greenhaven.
Moustakas, C. (1990). Heuristic research, design, methodology, and applications. Newbury Park, CA: Sage.
MSN Encarta (2005). Experience. Retrieved October 24, 2005, fromhttp://www.encarta.msn.com/dictionary_/experience/html
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Need, A., & De Graaf, N. D. (1996). Losing my religion: A dynamic analysis of leaving the church in the Netherlands. European Sociological Review, 12, 87-99.
Nicholi, A. M., Jr. (2002). The question of God: C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud debate God, love, sex, and the meaning of life. New York: The Free Press.
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Polanyi, M. (1966). The tacit dimension. Gloucester, MA: Doubleday & Company.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 80
APPENDIX A
Volunteers Needed
I am looking for volunteer participants for my thesis at the Center for Humanistic
Studies, as part of the academic requirements to obtain a Masters Degree. My thesis
question is “What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to
Agnosticism?” If you are currently an Agnostic and once considered yourself a Christian,
I need your help. The following are the criteria:
1. You must be over the age of 18 years.2. At one time in your life, you must have considered yourself a Christian.3. You are no longer a practicing Christian, but consider yourself an Agnostic.4. You must be able to talk about how you transitioned from Christianity to Agnosticism, and how you felt during that time.5. You are willing to tell me about your experience as well as let me record, via audio device, your experience during an interview lasting approximately one to two hours.6. You are willing to sign a form allowing me to use your experience in my thesis
as well as other published materials.
Personally, I have first hand experience with this subject in that I have
experienced transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism. Traditional
Christianity is an organized religion that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ as outlined
in the Holy Bible. Agnosticism defines a person who is not saying God does not exist, but
who neither believes nor disbelieves in the existence of God.
The research question asks which feelings or thoughts are experienced when a
person changes from believing in Jesus Christ, to a person who does not believe either
way in a higher being.
If you are interested, please contact me, Kelly Mahla, at (XXX) XXX-XXXX or
e-mail me at [email protected] and put “thesis” in the subject line. This research
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Christianity to Agnosticism 81
study maintains strict confidentiality, so I will be discreet with the information that you
share.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 82
APPENDIX B
Instructions to Co-Researchers
Dear ____________________________,
Thank you for agreeing to be a co-researcher for my Masters Thesis focusing on
“What is the Experience of Transitioning from Traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?”
The purpose of this letter is to prepare you for our interview about this subject. Enclosed
is a Participation-Release Agreement form that I will need you to sign. You can return
this form to me on the day of our scheduled interview.
The following is a definition of the research question that we will be exploring
together:
What in the research question is asking which feelings, thoughts, and associations
are related to transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism?
Experience can be defined as the thoughts and feelings associated with a person’s
transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism? For example, what knowledge
and skills are gained?
Transitioning is defined as going from one event to another.
Traditional is defined as a custom that has been handed down from generation to
generation. Traditional Christianity is an organized religion that follows the teachings of
Jesus Christ as outlined in the Holy Bible.
Christianity not only referring to the Old Testament of the Bible, but also to the
New Testament, and believes that Jesus Christ is the son of God who he came to earth to
die on the cross, so that man could be forgiven of sin and have everlasting life. Different
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Christianity to Agnosticism 83
churches consider themselves Christians because they believe in Jesus Christ despite the
fact that their rituals are different, as well as some of their beliefs.
Agnosticism is a noun that is defined as a belief, which states that a person can not
prove or disprove God’s existence. Agnostics are different from Atheists, who do not
believe in God at all. Agnostics, on the other hand, believe that there is a possibility that
there is a God, but that it is not provable. An Agnostic person is not saying that there is
no God, he or she is stating there is no proof, and that they are open to the possibility that
there might be a God.
The research question asks which feelings or thoughts come to mind when a
person changes from believing in Jesus Christ, taught to them by a previous generation,
to a person who believes it is not possible to prove, one way or another, the existence of
God.
I will be asking you about your religious background as well as what you believe
in now. I will also be asking you what made you change your religious belief and how it
made you feel to make that transition.
Thank you in advance for embarking on this journey with me. If you have any
artistic or personal journal writings that you would like to share with me as it relates to
your experience, please feel free to bring it to the interview.
Sincerely,
Kelly Mahla
Phone: (XXX) XXX-XXXX
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Christianity to Agnosticism 84
APPENDIX C
Center for Humanistic StudiesInformed Consent for Research Participants
Principal Investigator: Kelly Jean Mahla, M.A. Candidate
Faculty Supervisor: Donna Rockwell, Psy.D.
PLEASE READ THIS DOCUMENT CAREFULLY. SIGN YOUR NAME BELOW ONLY IF YOU AGREE TO PARTICIPATE AND YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND YOUR RIGHTS. YOUR SIGNATURE IS REQUIRED FOR PARTICIPATION. YOU WILL BE GIVEN A COPY OF THIS DOCUMENT.
The policy of the Center for Humanistic Studies (CHS) is that all research participation is voluntary, and you have the right to withdraw at any time, without prejudice, should you object to the nature of the research. Your responses are confidential. Any report of the data collected will be in summary form, without identifying individuals. You are entitled to ask questions and to receive an explanation. You are free to withdraw your participation at any time.
If you have concerns about your participation in this study, you may contact:Principal Investigator: Kelly Mahla, M.A. Candidate Phone: (XXX) XXX-XXXXCHS Faculty: Donna Rockwell, Psy.D. Phone: (XXX) XXX-XXXX
Description of the Study:This is a study in which you will be asked to talk about your experience of
transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism in an informal interview.
Nature of Participation:Your interview will last approximately one to two hours and be tape recorded.
The interview will take place at ________________
Purpose of the Study:This study will focus on what it feels like for people to transition from
Christianity to Agnosticism.
Possible Risks:You will be asked to participate in an interview that requires you to share personal
information about yourself. It is possible that discussing your experience with religion and the existence of God may bring up uncomfortable feelings. If there are concerns or discomforts you may choose not to respond or withdraw entirely from the research at any time. Should you desire, a referral to a therapist unconnected with this study can be provided.
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Christianity to Agnosticism 85
Possible Benefits:You will have an opportunity to contribute to psychological science by
participating in this research. You may find it interesting and enriching to share these experiences. This will be an opportunity to raise awareness of transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism.
Confidentiality:All data will be kept in secured files until destroyed. Your name will not appear
on either the audio recording of the interview or in its transcription. Participants in this research will only be identified in general demographic terms (e.g. participant A was a 24-year-old female college student) in the thesis or dissertation manuscript and in any subsequent publications. A transcriptionist will hear your audio recording and could conceivably identify your voice if the transcriptionist were familiar with you. State law requires appropriate notifications of designated others in the event that you reveal that someone, including yourself, is in danger of serious harm.
Opportunities to Withdraw at Will:If you decide, at any point to withdraw this consent or stop participating, you are
free to do so without penalty or pressure. You are also free to skip specific questions and continue participating.
Opportunities to be informed of Results:If you wish to have a summary of the results complete the following:
Name__________________________________________________________________
Address or E-mail ______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences.
I have read the statements above, understand the same, and voluntarily sign this form. I further acknowledge that I have received an offer of a copy of this consent form.
___________________________________ ____________Signature of participant Date
___________________________________ _____________Signature of Person Obtaining Consent Date