The Family Counseling Center

104 E. High StreetManchester, TN 37355 931.723.0380www.victory4families .org

FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER

Spring is almost here. This winter has been very cold and gloomy and many people have felt down and blue. If you have been one of these people, you are not alone. Take heart, spring is coming soon and new growth will begin.

New growth is happening at FCC. This spring FCC is opening a new, larger full-time office in McMinnville, Tennessee in Warren County. Jennifer Loh will be seeing children, youth and adults, as well as those needing marriage and family counseling. I will also be seeing people on Thursdays, mainly in the evening hours in McMinnville. The office is located beside the Court House at 111 W. Court Square. The phone number will remain the same at 931-409-3885.

Other growth this spring is our new Grief Share support group in Franklin County. Courtney Hanks will be leading the groups and another group may form in Fayetteville before summer. Grief Share is a wonderful support group for anyone who has lost a loved one, family member, close friend, co-worker or child. Grief touches all of us and can be very damaging if we get stuck in grief. Please pass the word and let others know there is a place for healing. To register, call 931-723-0380 or 931-409-3885.

Spring is also a great time to help your fellow neighbor. Our 24 hour crisis help line called Contact Life Line needs volunteers to help those in need in Southern Middle Tennessee. The training is free and the rewards are great. If you are 16 years old and up and can give at least a few hours a month, we want you. Call Ellen Stowers at 931-967-7133 or Shelia at 931-723-0380 to get more information. Serving others is a great blessing.

In Christ,

David O. PateExecutive Director

A Word from Our Executive Director ~

In This Issue:

Executive Director's Report..................... Page 1

Love & Marriage ………………………..Page 2

Healthy Love Vs. Addictive Love ........... Page 2

Keys to a Successful Marriage …………. Page 3

Upcoming Events & Support Groups...... Page 3

Professional Services............................... Page 3

Prayer List................................................ Page 4

FCC Locations......................................... Page 4

Ways to Help FCC................................... Page 4

FEBRUARY/MARCH 2014

F.C.C. Board of Directors:

Ron Fuller ............................ Board Chairman

Gary Cordell ........................ Treasurer

Gary Jindrak ........................ Board Member

Jimmy Simmons ………….. Board Member

Sherry Vinson ...................... Board Member

David Pate ...................F.C.C. Executive Director

Linda Langham ............F.C.C. Clinical Director

In today's society, marriage is not held to high regard. It is not something that people cherish and work for a lot of the time. Most people have the mentality that “If it doesn't work, I'll just get a divorce.” Famous couples call it quits on a daily basis. We as a society see this and decide it is okay since the masses are doing it. Husband and wives get stuck in a rut in their relationships. They lose passion. They get caught up in the daily grind. They become more focused on work, and the kids, and cleaning the house. They lose sight of why they fell in love and agreed to marry in the first place. This is a sad reality for over 50% of marriages in today's world.

However, all hope is not lost for couples willing to work to hold on to each other. There are many resources today to help couple rekindle their love and passion for each other. Dr. Sue Johnson is the leading authority for Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT). In her book, Hold Me Tight, she goes through seven different conversations to have with your spouse. These are used to not learn how to “argue better” but, instead, dig deep into the emotions of what each needs from their partner and why. This book can help couples grow together instead of apart. She views love as an attachment bond and shows readers how to maintain healthy love relationships within marriage.

Dr. Johnson also has a new book titled Love Sense. In this book, she discusses why we need love. She gets into the heart of love and emotional attachment. She discusses the scientific reason humans are meant to be monogamous. This book will change how you think about romantic love and the relationship you have with your spouse.

It is also wise to realize some relationships need more help to repair wounds than can be found in a book. Couples counseling can show couples different ways to communicate and allow each individual a safe environment to express what they need from their mate. Just remember, commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in is gone. It may be difficult but it is definitely not impossible and worth the work.

The Family Counseling Center

104 E. High StreetManchester, TN 37355 931.723.0380www.victory4families.org

FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER

Healthy Love versus Addictive LoveFrom Jed Diamond,

"Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places"

All of us have a healthy impulse to find love, but addictions take us away from genuine love. A summary of some of the differences between healthy love and addictive love can help us find the genuine love we all seek and desire.

Healthy love:

• Develops after we feel secure.• Is part of the human fabric. They cannot be

separated.• Is unique. There is no "ideal lover."• Is gentle and comfortable.• Encourages us to be ourselves, to be honest

from the beginning with who we are, including our faults.

• Is satisfied with the partner we have.• Is based on the belief that we want to be

together.• Teaches that only we can make ourselves

happy.• Creates life.

Addictive love:

• Tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.

• Is highly distilled. We think we can separate "it" from people, whether "it" is sex or romantic intrigue.

• Is stereotyped. There is always a certain type we are attracted to.

• Is tense and combative.• Encourages secretes. We want to look good

and put on an attractive mask.• Is always looking for more or better.• Is based on the belief that we HAVE to be

together.

• Expects that other person to make us happy and demands that we try to make them happy.

• Creates melodrama.

Love and Marriage...Written By: Alicia Pitts

The Family Counseling Center

Keys to a Successful Marriage/RelationshipThoughts by John Gottman

“The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work”

I think it is very simple. The answer is not complicated at all. What I call "the masters of marriage" are individuals who are being kind to one another. They may raise difficult issues, but they also soften them in a very considerate way. They frequently express appreciation. They communicate respect and love every day in numerous small ways. There are so many more positive exchanges in these relationships, than those that are heading for divorce. These individuals show more affection for each other, and they communicate greater interest in one another, and use more humor. They scan their environment, looking for opportunities to say "thank you" rather than searching for mistakes the other person has made. They look at their partner through a different filter. It is a much more positive one. That turns out to have very powerful implications.

The other thing they are doing is they are very mindful of people trying to reach out and connect with them (i.e., what I call "making bids"). The couples in our laboratory that turn out to have long happy marriages are responding to 96% of their partners' bids for attention, by turning toward them with attention. That is a huge amount. In contrast, couples headed for divorce are responding only 30% of the time. Robinson and Price found the same thing when they studied positive interaction in couples. Unhappily married couples were not noticing 50% of the positive things their partner was doing. The observers could see the positive behavior, but the spouses were not seeing it. What this means is, that for a lot of unhappy couples you do not have to change their behavior at all; you just have to get them to see what is actually going on. In addition, Gottman has shown that the following components are also important to successful long term relationships for couples.

1. They are gentle with each other. 2. They spend time in and enjoy conversation with each other. 3. They allow for influence by their partner. 4. They do keep score by remembering the good things their partner does for

them. 5. Each partner knows themselves reasonably well. 6. Each partner honors the others dreams. 7. There is a positive sense of humor in the relationship. 8. There are shared goals and a sense of team work in the relationship. 9. There are good conflict resolution skills in the relationship.(sometimes this

means doing something, and sometimes it means lettings things take care of themselves.)

10. There is a sense of continued romance in the relationship. 11. Contempt, for the partner, in all it's forms, will more than anything else bring

the relationship down. It needs to be avoided or worked through.

104 E. High StreetManchester, TN 37355 931.723.0380www.victory4families.org

FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER

PROFESSIONAL SERVICESOFFERED BY F.C.C.

* Individual Counseling

* Marriage & Family Counseling

* Group Therapy

* Educational Presentations

* Workshops & Seminars

* Testing & Reports

* Rule 31 Mediation

* Parenting Classes

* Referrals

F.C.C.'S UPCOMING EVENTS &

SUPPORT GROUPS:

Co-Parenting Classes for Divorced Families4th Sunday of every Month104 East High StreetManchester, TN 37355931-723-0380

Parenting Classes 4th Sunday of every Month104 East High StreetManchester, TN 37355931-723-0380

Grief Share GroupEvery Tuesday 6-8 pm- Behind Burger King -212 1st Avenue SEWinchester, TN931.409.3885

Please keep the following in your thoughts and prayers in their time of need and for continued good health.

Amy V.Linda L.Susan S.Tina L.

Our Service Men and Women

Welcome to the Family Counseling Center of Middle Tennessee

What Makes the Family Counseling Center different?

We are a non-profit Christian counseling center. We are not affiliated with any denomination and offer services to all kinds of people

regardless of faith or religious background

Our focus is not on generating profits but on providing needed professional services for the communities we serve. Most of our clients

pay for services themselves.

We seek and accept donations as a means to offset the cost of providing professional services to clients who are unable to pay.

If you would like to receive our newsletter or add someone to our prayer list, please contact FCC at

931.723.0380 or by email at info@victory4families.org.

PRAYER LIST

F.C.C. Locations:

Coffee County............... 931.723.0380104 E. High Street, Manchester, TN

Bedford County...............931.409.3885New Location TBD

Franklin County............. 931.409.3885- Behind Burger King -

212 1st Avenue SE, Winchester, TN

Warren County............... 931.409.3885- Beside the Courthouse -

111 W. Court Square, McMinnville, TN

Also Serving......Canon; Grundy: and Moore Counties

Providing financial as well as eternal support for the Family Counseling Center

* Sponsor a Marriage, Family or Individual for Counseling * Donate "In Memory of" or "In Honor of" * Join in Monthly Giving * Make a Gift of Stock * Include Us in Your Estate Plans * Send Us a Check * Make a Cash Donation

Charitable Deductions: The Family Counseling Center is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Donations to the Family Counseling Center are tax deductible.

Thank you for your contribution to helping the Family Counseling Center to make a difference to individuals in need.