the fundamentals: volume 4, chapter 5: a personal testimony
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106
Tlie F
u idamentals
· Whethe r
or not
there was an
existence beyond the grave
was a matter abo
1
ut wl1ich
I
l1ad
sp,ecula ted much but
had
dis
misse d
it from
my thou ght . Having become a
thorough
going ra tional ist (and being no more irrational than the gener ~
ality
of tho se
who assume that ·
self -flattering
title )
1 took
. the ground
that
it was
possible
to
believe only
what
could
be made evident to th~ physical senses, and
having rejected
the
witness of God, and so made Him a
liar (
1 John
5
:9, 10)
and hav ing
disregarded
''the evidence of things
not seen''
( Heb.
11 :1) , I
was perishing for
lack of
know ledge while
passing,
in n1y o,wn estimation and tl1at of others , as a. ' ' very
. wel l-inf ,o,rmed ma,n. ''
I had
become a
.church-1nember
and
commun .icant at the
age of sixteen ; had been for many years thereafter quite a
regular attendant o·n chu .rcl1 servic
1
es, and had heard innun1er-
•
· able
sermons ; yet
I
was
as
ign .orant
as
any
Hottentot
con-
cerning
God'
1
s 0
1
n
1
e and onl.y ·way
of
salvation. , Such is ·the
wretch .eel condition of million s -o,f excellent people in this
'' Christian''
land and
in this ''e nlightened' ' century.
~he
·Gospel is hid · from the ,m because ''the god
of
this age' ' h.atb
blinded their minds
' 'lest
tbe light of the
glorious Gospel
of
#'
Christ, who is the image of God, should shine
unto
them''
( 2
Cor.
.4 :4
)1
W'ORLDLY PRO,SPERITY U'NSATISPYING
•
.
•
~{Whosoever
drinketh of
thi s
water
shall
thirst
again''
(J ohn 4 :13). Let me
add briefly,
as touching my material
circumstances, that
in
the practice
of my chosen profession
( law) I was sµffi.ciently successful to
gratify
my own ambi
ti.on ,and
to excite the
envy
of
others; that I was
bless ,ed with
. ~xcellent
physical
health; and that
my domesti
1
c
relations
were
all
that
could
be
desired. Nothing seemed
to
be
lacking that
could ·insure or contribute t,o happiness and contentment.
But peace of
mind
and
r·est of conscience
are not
to be
found
in
what
the
world calls
''easy
circutns ltance s.''
Not-
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1 Perso~ial
Test 11 01·y
withsta ndi11g
tha t I
had appare ntly every
reaso11
to be V. ~11
satisfied with
my lot,
and
every opport11nity
to
enjoy
the
good
things of
tl1is
world, my mental condition
was
anything but
•
satisfactory. It is hard to picture the state of a mind sub-
ject ·to increa singly
frequent
and protracted spells of
depres
sion, for which there seemed to
be
no reason
or
exp la11aio11
Certainly I
was
thoroughly
discontented, desperately
un l1appy ,
and
becoming
moie and more an easy prey to
gloomy
thoughts
and
vague, undefinable apprehensions. No longer could I
fi.nd ' mental sa tisfaction and diversion in the places and things
which once supplied them. My grat ifications had been largely
of an intellectt tal order, and my mind had be
1
en much
OCCt1pieu
. in 'efforts to pierce
the
veil
of the material universe, and
to dis
cover what, if anything,
Jay
concealed behind it. This quest had
carri .ed me into the domains of science, phil0
1
iOphy,
occultism,
theosophy, etc .. etc. All this pursuit had
yielded
nothing
111ore
1·eliable than conj ~.cture,
a11dhad
1eft
the inquirer after
the
truth
wear ·jed, baffle,d and
inteilect .ttal.ly
starved.
Life
had
no mea11ing, advantage, purpose or ju stification ;
and
the
powers of the much-vaunted hun1an i11te]1ectseemed unequal
to
the sol.tttion of
the simp
1
lest
my steries.
The
prospect 'before
n1e 'Was
Unsp
1
eakab 'ly
dark and
for
bidding,
•
'''vVR El?E IS THE WISE?'' ( 1 Co·r. 1 :20) ·.
But some
remedy against sett le.cl
desp,air must be
found.
So 1· followed others in the attemp
1
t to find
1
distraction in the
gaieties, a1nusements and excitements of a godless, pleasure
seeking
wo1·ld, a'tnong
whom I was
a.s
godless·
as
anyt
Some
good
p,eople
who were interested in me, and who had an
i11kling
of my condition, assured me
that
what I needed
v.ias n10
1
re ''div ·ersion'
1
and ''relaxati ,on,'' and that I was '''work-
•
•
ing too hard,'' etc. This
view
of
the matter was urged
by ·
church members. No one told me the simp,le truth;
na.mely,
that I ne
1
eded Christ and His salvation. 0, the ·innumerabJ,e
mi1lions who are
stumbling
through life , vaguely conscious of
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The Fundamentals
a great need, but ignorant of its nature, and having no one
to
tell them
I
have given this description
of
my unhappy state at
some lent,h in the belief t~at a·mong those who may read
it,
many will recognize
it
as a description of the main features
of their own condition.
To such I can say with the utmost assurance that the e
is deliverance for you, full and complete, and that it is not far
off, but it is close by. The word is nigh thee, in thy mouth
and in thy heart, that is, the word of faith which we preach;
that
if
thou shalt confess with thy mouth Jesus as Lord, and
shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from
the dead, thou shalt be saved (Rom. 10 :8, 9).
So completely has that old condition of mental distress and
unrest passed away that I would riot now be able to even
recall and describe it, but for a record which I made within
six months of my conversion.
"Who shall deliver me I thank God through Jesus Christ,
oitr Lor
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A Piersonal 1 .estimoiiy
·109
circu_mstancethat, as I was
makin .g
my way to the door afte r
the meeting, several persons greeted me with a
pleasant word
and a
shake
of
the
'hand,
and one inquired abo
1
ut
my spiritual
.~ate. I went
away
fr
1
om that meeting still in complete igno-
1an1,e of
th
1
e
.simple trut ·h t·hat
my wretchedness was
a1·1
d11e
to the fact th,at I was an unreconciled and unpardon ,ed sin11er,
a11d of
the greater truth
tl1at
there was One wh,o had died
for ·my sins, who fl:ad reconciled me to
God
by His
blood,
and through whom
I could . obtai ,n for ,giveness
of sins and
eternal life . . Again I
Say
that no ' natural explanati ,on will
account for the
fact that I was constraine ,d
to
return t,o a
place so utterly
devoid
of attractions
and
so foreign to all
· my natural tastes
and inclina ·tions.
The people
wer le not in
t ·he social grade to
which
I had been
acc·ust
1
ome,d,
.and I would
have found no
1
thi11gat all
congenial
in
their
society.
•
A·nd here I. wish ·to call particular
attentio11
to a striki1rig
ins,tanc
1
e of the fact that God's ways are no
1
t as out· ways, and
that the 'Wisdom of matt is foolishness with G
1
od. I
should
hav
1
e supposed that, in order to convihce m
1
e of t'he truth .of ·
the 'Bible and of C11ristianity it wottld 'be necessary to em·ploy
the best efforts
of
a
faculty of
the p1·ofo,un,de,st th,eologians,,
vetsed in all
the argu ll
1
ent,s
of skep tical
ph.ilos
ophy,,
,and
able · ·
to
f urnisl1
plausible rep lies
to
t.hem. But
God, in His wisdom,
sent me to learn the wa,y of ever lasting life ftom a
cotnpai1y
of .exceedingly p
1
lain, humble
p
1
eopl
1
e, of
little
1
education,1 to
whom I re,gar ,ded
myself as immeasur .ably superior i.n all the
high
1
er branches of knowledge. It is
true
that tl1ese
people
knew very little of
w·hat
is tattght
in colleges
and
seminaries;
but
the,y
did
have ·that k11owledge which is
th
1
e
highe,st
a11d
most
excellent ,of.
ali, that kn
1
owled.ge
for which ,one
of the 111ot
scl1olar ly of men of
his
day was wil]ing to
sacrifice all
his
advantages, counting them but refuse, and to cast away all
. his brilliant prospects, saying,
''I
count all
things but loss,
for
t11
exc,ellency
of
the kno luledge of'
Christ
Je .sus
my Lord''
( Pl-1i .
3
1
:1). · · .
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So that my estimate of my own attain1nen ts was alto
gether wrong; and the actual truth was that, in comparison
with the simplest of those who had knowledge
oi
Jesus Christ
as Savior and who confessed Him as Lord, was but an
ignoramu s.
do not rem ember how many ti1nes went to these meet~
ings
before I yielded to the Spirit's influence, and I do- not
remember that was conscious of any benefit from attending
the meetings, which, from the ordinary standpoint, would
have been pronounced decidedly dull. The crisis in my life
came on the evening of May 24th, 1903, when, yielding to
an inward prompting which, gentle as it was, yet overpowered
all my natural reluctance and repugnance to such an act, I
went forward and
knelt
with a few others at the front of the
meeting roon1. I took the sinner's place, and confessed myself
in need of the grace of God.
A
Christian man (the same who
at
first asked
me
about n1y soul) kneeleq by me and called .on
the Lord
Jesus to
save me. Of course, the act of publicly
kneeling and calling on the natne
of
the Lord is not a neces
sary part of the process
of
conversion. There is
no
specified
place or manner in which the gift of eternal life is received.
What
is
necessary, however, is that one should believe God,
first as to the fact that ~e is a sinner and can do .nothing for
himsel_; and second, that Jesus Christ, risen from the dead,
the
Etern .al
Son of
God,
is the Sin-Bearer
for
all who believe
on Hin1- Who was delivered for our offenses, and raised
again for our justification (Rom.
4 :25).
did not know the nature of what was happening, for
did not believe in sudden conversions. supposed that a
change of nature, if it occurred at
all,
qiust be very gradual
an evolution, in fact. But my ignorance of the process did
not stand in the way of the mighty power of God, acting
in grace,
to
quicken me into new life (Eph.
1 :19;
2:5). I ·
called upon the name of the Lord, with a deep conviction of
in in
my
heart ; and that was enough.
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''IF ANY MAN BE IN CHRIST, I-lE IS l NEW CREATU RE''
In
the years
that
have elapsed I have come to
a bet~
ter understanding o·f the tre111endous change which
took
-
place that night though onJy in eternity will I fully com-
prehend
it.
Certainly it was
life from tl1e
dead.
Spiritual
things £rom
tl1at moment became
realities, and took a .
place
in
my thou .ght and consciousness. Th,e
things that
once
had
a l1old upon me began to lose their attraction. ·1 soon learned
by a happy
experie11ce
tl1at
if
a man be in
Cl1rist,
there is
a new creation an entirely new environment that old
thi11gs
l1ave
passed away, and all things have
become new; and
that
a]l things
are
of
God
(2
Cor. 5
:17, 18). In
a
very short
time the habits
of my
life , as well
as
the occupations
of my
·heart
and mind, underwent
a great change.
The
habit of
daily
Bible
reading, · and
of 1norning
and evening prayer,
wa
i1nmediately established. Of ten previot1sly I had tried to
pray, as I felt the pressure of misery and distress of mind; ..
and innumerable
time s
both publicly
and privately, I had ,
''sa id
my
prayers; but it was not praying, for I was in
u,nbelief. I did not believe
tl1e
Word of God, but criticized
and rejected it. I did not believe in the virgin . birth 0£ our
Lord, nor in .His vicarious death, nor in His physical resur- ·
•
rection.
The
doctrine
of His blood-shedding for the sins of ·
others, and of His being made sin for us, that we might be
made the righteousness of God in Him (2 Cor. 5 :21) I
rega rded as
unphilosophical and unworthy of belief.
T'he
only
God
I knew
was the god
of
mate rialism, a creature
of
1nan's vain imagination.
I had
no
knowledge
0£
the
God
and Father of our Lord Je sus
1
Cl1rist.
DOUBTS AND DIFFICULTIES S,WEPT AWAY
•
•
•
Perhaps the most
wonderful
change
which was
1nanif est
to my ·consciousness, when my 1nind b·eg~n to
resume its
norm .a) activity and to inquire into ,vhat had happened, v.ras ·
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this, that all my doubts, questionings, skepticism and crit i
cism concerning God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, con
cerning the
full
insp irati on, accuracy and authority of ...._he
Holy Scriptures as the incorruptible Word of God, concerning
the sufficiency of Chri st's atonement to settle the que~tion of
sin, and to provide a ground upon which God could, in per
fect righteousness, forgi ve and justify a sinner, and concerning
an assured salvation and per fect acceptance in Christ, were
swept away completely. Fron1 that day to this I have nev er
been troubled
by
doubt s of God and His Word.
IF THOU SI:L LT RE LIE VE IN THINE HEARTu
This experience is to me, and will be to any one
who
refl~cts upon it, .ver~ wonderful
~ ~
i~pressive. ~ad. no
notion at all that intelle ctual difficulties and questioning s
could be removed in any way except by being answered, one
by one, to the intellectual satisfaction of the person in whose
mind they existed. But my doubts and difficulties were not
met in that way. They were simply removed when believed
on the Crucified One, and accepted Him as the Christ of God,
and as my personal Savior.
The explanation of this
is
that
the
seat
of
unbelief
is
not in the head, but in the heart (Rom. 10 :9) . It is th e
will
that is wrong; and the bristling array of doubts and
difficulties which spring up in the mind are mere disguises and
pretexts supplied by th e enemy of souls, behind which the
unbelieving heart tries to shelter itself and to justify
it
unbelief.
This
is
the exp lanat ion of those words of our Lord, who
knew what was in man, ' Ye
w ll
not
come to
Me
that ye might
have life (John 5 :40).
It is man's unbroken and unyielded will that prevents him
from coming to the Fountain
of
eternal life and receiving
that unspeakab~e gift of God. And this, too, is why it is
,vritten, For with th e heart ma n believeth unto righteous-
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•
•
ness'' (Rom. 10 :9). The natural 1nind is the conge11ialbreed
ing place of doubts and questionings, and (as
it
deems these
to
b
1
e of
g1·eat
importan ,c
1
e)
i·t
s·ttpp,oses,
that
these
m U,st
be dealt
vvith seriati1n. The ·natural man kn,ows nothing about being
rtransformed by
the
renewing of tl1e n1ind'' (R .om. 12 :2),
a.11dhe ''receives . not the thin .gs of
tl1e.
Spirit of God; , for th,ey
ar
1
e fool ·ishness unto him; neither can
he
know them, because
•
they are
spiritually
disc·er~ed'' ( 1 Cor. 2: 14). Bu·t when the
heart , the
cente,r
of man's being,
th ,at
i11most
place
to
whicl1
God alone has
acc,ess,,
is p·ersuaded, tl1,e whole
n1an
is chang
1
ed,
•
a11d tl1e mind lil
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The F itndamentals
I should, of course, be wholly at a loss_ o interpret this
experience but for the Scriptures; and thereby the Divine
- authorship of these is further confirmed. In the light of
the Scriptures .it is easy to see that what had occurrep. wa
an inwrought conviction produced by the Holy Spirit, the
One now ministering in the world, testifying of a risen,
ascended and glorified Christ, at the right hand of God, and
convicting of sin, of righteousness and of judgment.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is st yed
on Thee; because he trusteth in Thee
(Isa. 26:3). Another
n1arked result of believing the witness
of
God which He
hath testified of His Son ( 1 John 5 :9) has been the com
plete deliverance from the spells of mental depression, which
were rapidly developing into a state of settled melancholia,
or
what is called nervous prostration, from which so many
are suffering in these times
of
high pressure, and concerning
~he cause of which they are totally ignorant. The mind cannot
be kept in perfect peace that is stayed upon material and
perishing thirtgs. It is manifestly a satisfactory and sufficient
explanation of peace of mind that it is stayed'' upon the
unchangeable God. This deliverance from mental depression
was not immediate, for did not learn at once to stay my
mind on Him ; but the change
began
immediately and pro
gressed until settled peace became the normal mental con
dition.
I have learned, in a word, that the redemption that is_ n
Christ Jesus covers and meets all the consequences of. sin
whether manifested in soul, or mind, or body. Our salvation is
of the Lord and is for the whole man, spirit, soul and
body.
uBelieve on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved,
and thy house
(Acts 16:31). Within two months from the
eyent related above ( which, by the way, through timidity and
fear of comment and ridicule I tried to keep as much as
possible to myself) I was put in a position where I was com-
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A Personal T estirno11y
'115
pelled to open my lips to a beloved member of my own fam ily,
suffering as I could plainly
see,
from what had formerly
oppre ·ssed me, and to preach Christ for the first time. · W hat
effort the delivery of this sermon cost me cannot be described.
It
consisted of these words : What you need is the · Lord
Jesus Christ; and after their utterance the preacher had not
another ·word to say, and the only visible result was a very
awkward and constrain ed silence. Yet this simple, clumsily
given testimony, together with some verses of Scriptu re read
at random, were used by the Spirit of
od
to quicken another
dead soul. There were yet two more of the hou sehold to be
brought to a knowledge -of Christ, but it was not long before
these likewise, and without any pre ssure from us, accepted
Christ, and were tran slated out of darkness .into His n1ar
velous light.
T he path of the righ teous is as the daivning light, that
shineth 'more and more unto the perfe ct day (P rov. 4 :18
R. V.). It
was a great and wonderful surprise to
us to
find
that there was such a thing as an assurance of -salvation,
with im1nediate and unmi stakable blessings given. to believer s
as an earnest and first-fruits of the inherita nce of the saints.
f\11
our previous theological instruction had been to th e
effect
that if one lived Ha good Christian life ( which many -deluded
souls are trying .to do before they have got it) he might
possibly be save d hereafter, but that there was no certainty
for anybody until the day of jud g1nent.''
But even greater surpri ses awaited us. Blessed
as it is
to know upon the evidence of Chri st's own statement , prefaced
by His Verily, verily ,
I
say unto you, that He who hears
His Word and believes on Him who sent Hhn has everlasting
life and shall not come into jud gment, but
is
passed from
death unto life ·(John 5 :24), there ·was much more to follow.
God's goodness toward us did not stop at revealing the truth
as to our acceptance in Christ and our consequent eternal
security. He led us to see that it was our duty ·and privilege
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A PeYisonalTe stiwiony
•
The L,ord h1a s further
shown
us
that,
so far from finding
. it a deprivation to withdraw ourselves from the pursuits and
amusements of
the
cam ,p
1
and froJn
its
1
godless mirth,
which
•
is as the crackling of dry thorns under a pot, ~we have in fact
gained unspeakably thereb ,y. The new interests which now
occupy
us (having to do with Him in
whose
presence is full
ness
of
joy, and at whose
right
hand
are
pleasu'tes for .ever
more,)
are far
more
satisfying, and contribute
far more
real
gratification than a11
the things
in
which,
for want
of
knowl~
edge of something better, we
used
to be interested, and in
the pursuit of which we spent our time and money. It seems,
humanly
speaking,
impossible
to
n1ake our frie11ds
and
asso-
ciates
in the old 1ife under stand
that
we have not
suffered
· any deprivations whatever. ''Having the understanding Car.k~
ened,'' they can only see the worthless things which we ha.Ve
cast aside, and can take no cognizance of the riches of grace
and glory which
the
believer in Christ has,
''in
whom it hath
pleased the Father that all fulness should dwell'' (Col. 1 :19).
It is as if a beggar were given, through
kingly
munificence,
a suit of rich apparel, and should hasten to put it on, joyfully
casting
aside the rags with wl1ich he was previously clad,
and some onlooker s, lilcewise
1
cla,d in dingy ,garments should
•
be
able to see only the discarded rags, and should thCreupon
hasten
away clasping
their own rags
tightly
around them for
fear a li1{e experie ·nce might befall ·them.
•
''IF I GO, 1 WILL COME AGAIN'' {John 14:3)
•
The L
1
ord has
also
enabled us to look
bey
1
btid ''t 'his
ptese11t ·
evil age," of Which Satan is the god., to the
age
that is soon
to come, in which Christ will return to earth, and all His
redeemed with Him, as prophesied since Enoch's time
(Jude
14; Rev. 19:11-16, etc.), and ''to the times of
restitution
of
•
all things ,vhich God hath spoken
by
the mouth of
ll
His
holy
prop ,hcts since th e ,vorld began" ( Acts 3
:21). .
•
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But, n1ore than that, we have been led .to look, not for
ear thly happiness or for bliss af ter death , but for th at event ,
which is nearer still, and which it is the privil ege of the
believer to expect at any mo1nent, when th e Lo rd I-Iimself shall'
call upon His own to meet H im in th e air ( 1 Th ess. 4 :16, 17;
1 Cor. 15 :51, 52) . And so th e grac e of God, which bring s
salvation, hath appea red, teaching us that, denying µngod
liness and worldly lusts, we should live so9erly, righteously ,
and godly in this present world; lookin g for that blessed hope
and the glorio us app earing of our great God and Savior
Jesus Chr ist, who gave H imself for us (Titu s 2 :11-14).
This is not the teaching of the wisdom of this age, nor of
the leaders of thi s age ; nor is it the teaching of tho se professed
mini sters of Chr ist who have accepted the gospel of this age
the gospel of its pro gress and betterment; but it is the teach
ing of the grace of God and of the Word of God, and we
have accepted and rejoice in
it. .
Y ea, and all that w oitld live godly in Christ Jesus shall
suffer persecution. It would not be a truthful represen tation
of the matt er to n1ake it appear that therP have been no
unpleasant experience s attending and resulting from this
departur e from our old way s and ent ering upon the one
true and living way. There ha s been, of course, much
adverse comment, much irritation, much hostility aroused ,
we have heard many referenc es· to self-righteousnes s,''
fa natici s1n, and the like. To desert the ways of the world
is, of cour se, to conde1nn tho se ways; and they who are walk
ing in them cannot be expected to take it kindly. They turn
away exclaiming, 'Are not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of
Damascu s, bett er than all the wa ters of Israel?' (2 King s
5 :12). Then why this narrow-mindedness and bigotry?
And, as might also be expected, the greate st resentment of our
conduct ha s been arou sed in those who, while ·professing to
belong to Christ, are casting their lot indi scrimin ·ately with
th e1n
who openly reject Him.
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This, of
course,
we can
endure patiently;
because He said,