the journey of grief: for the clinician and...
TRANSCRIPT
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UNC-CH School of Social Work
Clinical Lecture Series
presents
The Journey of Grief:
For the Clinician and Client
October 19, 2009
Steve Bradley-Bull, MA, MEd, LPC
Center for All Seasons
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Intention of Lecture
► Aim: Help prepare participants to work
more effectively with grieving clients
through exploring participants’ own losses
and perspectives on life, death, and grief.
► Methods: Offering participants additional
knowledge and engaging participants in
a variety of experiential exercises related
to grief and mourning.
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Check-In
► Name and/or relationship
to you
► Something that has been
helpful for you in your grief
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Grief and Mourning: Defined
Grief — The thoughts and feelings
on the inside after someone dies
Mourning — The outward expression
of those thoughts and feelings
“We all grieve when someone dies, but
if we are to heal, we must also mourn.”
~ Alan D. Wolfelt
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Grief and Mourning: Impacts
Both impact our entire experience
► physically
► cognitively
► emotionally
► behaviorally
► religiously / spiritually
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Grief and Mourning: Experience
Our experience
► is never completed but is instead
managed
► is a process of remembering and
maintaining a relationship with
the deceased
► is an individualistic process
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Grief and Mourning: Process
► “Moving forward with our life knowing
our loved one is no longer here.”
► There are basic needs or aspects
of grief and mourning that we need
to “yield” to or “experience fully”
if we are to heal.
~ Alan D. Wolfelt
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Self-Care
Early, often, throughout:
► Eating
► Sleeping
► Exercise / Movement
► Support (internal and external)
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Adapted from Alan D. Wolfelt, Unicorn Bereavement Center, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Acknowledging
the Reality of the Death
Experience: Shock,
denial, fear, relief
Interventions:
Story telling
Concerns: Unhealthy
coping mechanisms
Needs: Normalization,
safety, planning
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Experiencing
the Pain of LossExperience:
Feelings, realizations,
questions
Interventions:
Healthy and safe
environment
Concerns: Avoidance
Needs: Trust, space,
support
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Remembering the Person
Who Died and the Relationship
Realistically
Experience: Ambivalence,
confusion, connection
Interventions:
Remembering
Concerns: Cultural
complications
Needs: Permission,
honesty, rituals
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Searching for Meaning
Experience: Self inquiry
Interventions:
Education and exploration
Concerns: Not
maintaining a healthy
relationship with the
deceased
Needs: Understanding,
acceptance, meaning
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Developing a New Identity
and Re-investing in the Future
Experience: Adjustment,
awareness, resistance
Interventions: Facilitation,
goal setting, problem
solving
Concerns: Frustration,
fear of future losses,
unhealthy positive aspects
Needs: Courage, self-
care, ongoing support
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Adapted from Alan D. Wolfelt, Unicorn Bereavement Center, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Process of Grief
and Mourning: Review
► Never completed; managed
► Need for process to be gradual
► Importance of engagement in process
► Variety of modalities for healing
► Awareness of cultural complications
► Process often “messy” and not linear
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Wanting Memories
Kaeli Reichel
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Check-In
► Were there any parts
of the song that were
meaningful to you or that
related to your experience
of grief and mourning?
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Grief and Mourning Work
for ourselves
and
with others
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Grief and Mourning: History
► Why do you grieve and mourn the way you do?
► What was modeled to you growing up?
► What cultural messages have you received
about grief and mourning?
► What is similar now to how you grew up
grieving and what is different?
► Are there any aspects of your grief and
mourning (processes) that are not healthy?
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Personal Relationship to Death
► Books
► Beliefs
► Practices
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Five Remembrances
► I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape
growing old.
► I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to
escape ill health.
► I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.
►All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature
to change. There is no way to escape being separated from
them.
►My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape
the consequences of my actions. My actions are the
ground on which I stand.
~ Buddha
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Life Review
Stephen Levine suggests
reflecting on
► gratitude
► forgiveness
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I’m Ready
Tracy Chapman
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Check-In
► Was there anything resonating
for you related to the song?
► Are there practices that
invite you to reflect on your
beliefs and thoughts about
your own death?
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Blessings for Those Who Remain
Leader: In the rising of the sun and its going down,
People: We remember them.
Leader: In the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter,
People: We remember them.
Leader: In the opening buds and rebirth of spring,
People: We remember them.
Leader: In the blueness of the sky and the warmth of summer,
People: We remember them.
Leader: In the rustling of the leaves and the beauty of autumn,
People: We remember them.
Leader: In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
People: We remember them.
continued…
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Blessings for Those Who Remaincontinued…
Leader: When we are weary and in need of strength,
People: We remember them.
Leader: When we are lost and sick of heart,
People: We remember them.
Leader: When we have joys we yearn to share,
People: We remember them.
Unison: So long as we live, they too shall live,
for they are a part of us, as we remember them.“The Gates of Repentance”
Jewish High Holy Day Prayer Book
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References
Kubler-Ross, E. (1968). On Death and Dying.
New York: Touchstone.
Levine, S. (1997). A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as if It Were Your Last. New York: Bell Tower.
Wolfelt, A. D. (2007). Center for Loss and Life Transition. The Journey Through Grief: The Mourner’s Six Reconciliation Needs. Retrieved on October 10, 2009, from http://www.centerforloss.com/articles.php?file=journey.php
Unicorn Bereavement Center: Duke Home Care and Hospice.1001 Corporate Drive, Hillsborough, NC 27278 (919) 644.6869
http://dhch.duhs.duke.edu/modules/dhccbereave/index.php?id=1
Additional resources on death, dying, and bereavement:
Ken Doka, Robert Neimeyer, Therese Rando, William Worden
Thanks to Willow Graphics for the logo and grief wheel graphics