The Legend of Old Gregg: The Real Story Adapted from The Mighty Boosh’s “The Legend of Old Gregg” by Chelsea Moore

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nce upon a time there was a young shopkeeper named Howard. Howard worked for a wise

shaman named Naboo in the Nabootique, a store that sold ‘Bits and Bobs.’ But selling bits and bobs was not Howard’s true passion, what he really loved was music. He loved to play any instrument he could get his hands on; tambourines, drums, saxophones, even the bass guitar! Howard played his music every day. He played when he woke up in the morning, and after he ate breakfast. On his lunch breaks he tapped out beats on the table. Every night before he went to sleep he would unwind with some more music! He could never get enough.

One day, Howard decided that he’d had enough of being a shopkeep and wanted to dedicate his life to music. So he called up his friend Vince and they decided to start a band together. They practiced for weeks and weeks, until one day they got a call from the club down the street.“You’ve got a gig!” the club’s owner exclaimed, “Congratulations!”Vince and Howard couldn’t believe their luck! They got dressed in their finest clothes and tuned their instruments to perfection. That night they walked down the street to the club. As they walked up to the club they saw that there was a line of people outside of the door, and over the door was a huge sign that said, “Club Down the Street proudly presents THE MIGHTY BOOSH.” “That’s us!” said Howard, and Vince smiled. They went inside and got set up, and in what felt like no time they were starting to play. The club was packed, and at first everyone seemed to be loving the music. But then, half way through the first song Howard heard something strange. BOOOOOOO! That can’t be, Howard thought. But then it came again, louder. And louder, AND LOUDER! The next thing they knew they were being chased out of the club by the audience. They ran down the street and got into Vince’s van, then drove away as quickly as possible.“Where are we going?” Howard asked.“We’d better get out of here for a bit, they seemed really angry,” Vince replied. “Sounds good. But where will we go?”

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Vince told Howard that they were going to Black Lake, a lake where he had gone camping with his family when he was a boy. When they got to Black Lake Vince decided to take a nap, but Howard was not tired so he rented a boat and went out fishing on Black Lake. It was very dark and cloudy, but Howard needed to think, and there’s no better place to think than on a boat. He felt very sad and down on himself. The only thing that he had ever wanted to be was a musician, and he had failed! He didn’t think he was a bad musician, but if everyone else thought he was then he must be. He sat and thought, and sat and thought

and then he began to cry. Suddenly, a thick mist surrounded Howard’s boat, and out of the mist he heard a voice.“Hi there.”The mist cleared up and Howard jumped as he saw that there was a man with green skin sitting in his boat. “Who are you?”“I’m Old Gregg, pleased to meet you. What are you doing on my lake?”“I was just getting some fresh air, thinking. I meant to go fishing, but I haven’t really been paying attention.”Howard thought there was something sort of odd about this Old Gregg fellow, but just as he was thinking that Howard began to feel very tired, and he found himself nodding off to sleep.

“Where am I?” Howard asked.“You’re in my house. You’ve been asleep.” Howard turned and saw that Old Gregg was speaking to him. “Why did you bring me down here?”“Well to tell you the truth it isn’t just chance that I came into your boat. See, I’ve heard of you,” Old Gregg said, “You’re a musician, aren’t you?”“Well, I did want to be one. But no one likes my music, so I guess I’m not one anymore.”

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“And that’s why I brought you down here. See, I was actually at your show and I think that with enough work you could be great! I can help.”Howard just shook his head sadly.“You can’t let one bad show get you down!” Old Gregg exclaimed. “And you can’t let other people make you give up your dream. That’s why I brought you down here, to make sure you don’t give up on your dream. And you’re not going home until you promise to keep trying until you make it.”Howard still didn’t feel like he could be a musician, but he

figured he’d have to do as Old Gregg said if he wanted to go home. Old Gregg had Howard practice his music day after day after day. At first it was very hard for Howard, every time he started to play he remembered the crowd booing him off the stage. But Old Gregg kept telling Howard that he would get better, and so Howard kept playing. until one day Howard picked up his saxophone and started playing without thinking about the crowd at all. “Well Howard, I think it’s time for you to go home and make your dreams come true.” Howard returned home and Vince and Naboo were overjoyed to see him. Vince had stopped playing music and taken over Howard’s shopkeeping position only to discover that he loved selling things! Howard let Vince keep the job and focused on his music, playing shows as often as he could. People did not always like his music, but he had learned not to let their criticism get him down. Eventually, Howard achieved his dream and became a international superstar, and he is still playing to this day.

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