the lesson was clear for me · me help you?” or “would you like to hop in your car seat by...

www.FreshStartFamilyOnline.com

Let’s talk communication & how to have no drama when it comes to speaking to & teaching our children! With a strong intention & some focus, your kids will be listening better & cooperating more easily, so you can spend more time connecting, than correcting … let’s get started! There are many things that parenthood teaches us and one of the best is that our children are often the best mirrors. When I first found the work of Positive Parenting, I was a new parent who thought I kind of knew it all. I had always been great with kids, so of course when I had my own, things would just fall into place, right? Not exactly. When life pivoted (the year I became a full-time stay at home mom), my perspective shifted and I soon realized that my 3 year old strong-willed daughter (who seemed to always be misbehaving) had some incredible things to teach me. One of the first lessons was that no matter how many ways I tried to teach her how to be a respectful, kind, little human, who listened and respected others, it was all in how I acted, communicated and treated her that was teaching her the most.


As I learned more and more about positive parenting psychology and curriculum, I slowly replaced my often judgmental, negative, threatening tone with a neutral, problem solving, empathetic, encouraging one (this took TONS of practice, and I’m still a work in progress) and my little girl’s behavior improved dramatically. The lesson was clear for me … >>> Talk to mini-humans the way you’d like to be talked to and things will go a lot smoother. Easier said than done, so over the years, I’ve adopted the motto “Progress over perfection.” Since a lot of how we talk to our kids can be habitual, it can take some real practice to change things up. That’s why I’ve created this 14 day No Drama Communication Method program to help you BE the positive change you deeply desire in your home. Before we get started with the 14 days of mini-video lessons, a great first step is looking at where we’re NOT feeling very successful with our kids doing what we ask of them or listening to us the way we’d like them to. Brainstorm below what the top 5 areas you feel challenged in with your kids & keep those situations in mind as you are listening to the No Drama Communication Method video lessons.


Worksheet What areas do you feel the most challenged with when it comes to your kids not listening? Take a moment to list them below: Top Areas in Your Home Where You’d Like Your Kids to Listen Better:

1.) _____________________________________________________________

2.) _____________________________________________________________

3.) _____________________________________________________________

4.) _____________________________________________________________

5.) _____________________________________________________________


Take these situations & consider applying some new verbiage! These 20 positive phrases are a great place to start if you’d like to make a fresh start with your communication:

1.“What do you need to remember?” (Video Lesson #1)

Take a break from: “Be careful.”

Example: “What do you need to remember when you play at the park?” or “Please move slow like a careful turtle when walking on top of that wall.”

Explained: Kids often ignore when we say this same thing again and again. Instead, engage their critical thinking skills and have them re-state the important precaution. Or give them specifics on what you want.

2.“Please talk softly.” (Video Lesson #2)

Take a break from: “Stop yelling!” or “Be Quiet!”

Example: “Please talk softly or whisper,” (said in a whisper voice) or, “I love your singing, AND I need you to outside or in the playroom to sing loud.”

Explained: Some kids are naturally louder than others. If they have trouble speaking softly, show them where they can go to be loud and also use the power of the whisper. In combination with a gentle touch and eye contact, whispering is an incredibly effective way to get kids to listen.

3.“Would you like to do it on your own or have me help you?” (Video Lesson #3)

Take a break from: “I’ve asked you three times, do it now!”

Example: “It’s time to leave. Would you like to put on your shoes by yourself, or have me help you?” or “Would you like to hop in your car seat by yourself or have me put you in it?”

Explained: Most kids respond incredibly well to being empowered. Give them a choice and their critical thinking skills override their temptation to push back.


4. “What did you learn from this mistake?” (Video Lesson #4)

Take a break from: “Shame on you” or “You should know better.”

Example: “What did you learn from this mistake?” or “What did you learn and how will you do it differently next time, so you don’t get in trouble at school?”

Explained: Focusing on motivation to change behavior for the future will get you much better results than placing shame on past misbehavior.

5.“Please ______________.” (Video Lesson #5)

Take a break from: “Don’t!” or “Stop It!”

Example: “Please pet the dog gently” or “Please put your shoes in the closet.”

Explained: Do any of us go through our day telling waitresses, baristas, friends, etc. what we DON’T want? No, right? We wouldn’t get the best response if we said “Do NOT give us a whole milk latte” or “I don’t want the chicken.” That form of negative communication isn’t perceived well and puts undue strain on relationships. Instead, try asking for what you do want.

6. “We are on cheetah time today and need to move fast!” (Video Lesson #6)

Take a break from: “Hurry Up!” or “We are going to be late!”

Example: “We’re on racehorse time today! Let’s see how fast we can move!”

Explained: Be sure to let them be on turtle time sometimes! We could all use a healthy dose of slowing down, so provide mornings where everyone is relaxed & kids can move slow.

7.“Do you want to leave now or in ten minutes?” (Video Lesson #7)

Take a break from: “Time to go…now!”

Example: “Do you guys wanna leave now or play for ten more minutes, then leave?


Why it works: Kids love to be in charge of their own destiny, especially power kids! This takes a tad bit of proactivity, but it works like a charm! Give them a choice & they’ll respond much better when you say “Ok, 10 minutes is up, time to go.”

8. “Let’s add that toy you want to your birthday list.”

Take a break from: “We can’t afford that” or “No, I said NO TOYS!” (Video Lesson #8)

Example: “I am not willing to buy that, would you like me to put it on your birthday wish list?”

Explained: If we’re being honest, we often CAN afford the $5 lego at checkout, we’re just not willing to purchase it. But then buy a $5 almond milk latte from Starbucks. Instead of blaming our finances and creating feelings of scarcity, own your limit, then offer ideas to help them learn how to get it (birthday, earning money, etc.).

9. “Stop, breathe, now ask for what you want.” (Video Lesson #9)

Take a break from: “Stop whining!”

Example: “Let’s stop, breathe together, now try again to ask for what you want.“

Explained: Be sure to model this too. Keep repeating it calmly while breathing with them, till they can self-calm and change the way they’re talking.

10. “Respect yourself and others.” (Video Lesson #10)

Take a break from: “Be good.”

Example: “Remember to respect yourself and others when you’re inside the jumpy today.”

Explained: Be specific here as kids often don’t absorb the general statements we throw at them. Ask for what you want and have them restate what is important to remember.


11. “Use your teamwork skills.” (Video Lesson #11)

Take a break from: “Don’t be bossy!” and “No one will want to play with you if you act like that.”

Example: “You’re a great leader. Remember to use your teamwork skills today. Ask your friends questions, instead of telling them what to do and let others have a turn leading too.”

Explained: Many kids who have a strong desire to lead (or feel powerful) are often told they’re bossy or that no one will want to be their friends if they act mean. Instead, become a coach of your child and teach them how good leaders lead with integrity—asking instead of commanding, showing instead of telling, and taking turns, so everyone has a turn to lead AND also rest, etc.

12. “I need you to _____________.” (Video Lesson #12)

Take a break from: “Stop doing ___,” and “It’s not ok to ___.”

Example: “I need you to pet the dog gently, he loves calming pets and will sit with you longer if you touch him that way.

“I need you to slow down and walk like a turtle right now instead of a racehorse since we’re in a dangerous parking lot.”

Explained: I statements come across very different than you statements, and kids respond much better when we communicate with them in non-accusatory ways. Also, asking for what you want is huge to guide kids in the direction you want (vs. focusing their brain on what you DON’T want!)

13. “It’s okay to cry.” (Video Lesson #13)

Take a break from: “Don’t be a baby,” or “Don’t Cry.”

Example: “It’s ok that you feel sad, I’ll be over here if you need me. I know you can find a way to take care of yourself.”


Explained: It’s incredible how well kids respond when we don’t pressure them to “get over their feelings” or try to force them to stop freaking out. Empower and teach them they are capable of moving through the feeling on their own and they’ll come out of the sadness sooner—and also build their self-esteem.

14. “I’ll stop, breathe and wait for you to finish.” (Video Lesson #14)

Take a break from: “Just let me do it.”

Example: “Looks like you need a moment, I’ll sit down and wait for two minutes or put the dishes in the dishwasher while I wait.”

Explained: Many times, it’s us parents that need to chill. Slow down and let them try to tie their shoe themselves or figure out the elevator floor by reading the sign. Kids often do a great job of reminding us to be present. Be ok with a lumpy bed sometimes, or shoes on the wrong foot. The goal here is to let kids try, fail, try again and anchor feelings of capability—so they don’t always depend on us to do everything!

15. “How will you take care of yourself?”

Take a break from: Always fixing, i.e., “Do __________, and you’ll be fine, it’s not a big deal,” or “Why are you always so emotional? Here, a cookie will make you feel better.”

Example: “It’s ok to be ____________. What are some things you can do to help yourself feel better?”

Explained: Empowering kids to take care of themselves is an incredible gift! Kids who learn to move through emotions with integrity, and take self-calming action get into trouble less and have higher self-esteem. (Be sure you are learning through positive parenting curriculum like The Foundations Course how to support them in this journey to develop intrinsic care, self-control methods and how to self-calm.)

16. “I love you no matter what.”

Take a break from: “No one wants to be with you when you’re bad,” or “You’re not getting hugs and kisses after acting like that.”


Example: “I love you no matter what behavior you have, AND I’d like you to ask your brother for the toy next time, instead of grabbing it.”

Explained: Unconditional love is at the core of Positive Parenting and means that our love for our kids does not depend on the level of good behavior they have in the day. We love them with all of our heart no matter what. Feeding this truth into our children pours into their need to belong, which is a key motivating factor that Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs (grandfather of Positive Parenting) helps us understand. When kids’ basic needs are met, they misbehave less.

17. “I am not ok with ___________—yet.”

Take a break from: “You’re not old enough,” or “You’re too little to do that.”

Example: “I’m not ok with you walking on top of that brick wall because I’m scared you’ll fall and hurt yourself.”

Explained: When we own our fears and worries, our kids respond and respect our limits a lot better. Kids often feel like they are old enough, strong enough, big enough and capable enough to do big things like ride bikes fast, climb high fences and carry big glasses of juice…but it’s us that isn’t ready to take the risk yet. Communicate this to your kids using the word I, and they will push back less.

18. “You care, so I’d love for you to decide.”

Take a break from: “I don’t care.”

Example: “You know what? I’m flexible on this, so can you choose for us. I’d love your help.”

Explained: When we really don’t care, this is a great opportunity to empower our kids and let them lead! Good leaders are also good followers so teaching our kids this through letting them make decisions is good practice.


19. “I believe in you and am here to support you.”

Take a break from: Rescuing, i.e., “I’ll take care of this.” or “Why do I have to do everything for you?”

Example: “I can see how this is tough for you and I believe in you to get through this. I am here to support you if you need ideas on how to handle the situation with integrity.”

Explained: It’s important that as parents we set our kids up for success in the world to take care of themselves, solve their own problems and have confidence that they are capable. Supporting instead of rescuing often takes more patience, but it builds kids’ self-esteem and intrinsic motivation in the most beautiful ways!

20. “How are you feeling?”

Take a break from: “Chill out; you don’t need to get so upset!”

Example: “I can see you’re upset, what are you feeling?”

Explained: Helping kids identify their emotions and communicate them effectively is an important element of positive parenting. When children get comfortable actually feeling an emotion and communicating it to others (instead of denying it and trying to MAKE it go away), behaviors have a tendency to be much cleaner and respectful.

Now that you’ve read through this guide & completed the worksheet, go ahead & start pushing play on your daily video lessons.

Remember these video lessons are designed to be short & easy to understand, so in just 5 minutes a day, you can empower yourself with new ways to get your kids to listen well & cooperate better WITHOUT having to rely on fear, force, bribery & rewards, hooray!

Enjoy the video lessons & I hope to see you inside of a full Fresh Start Family Program like The Foundations Course or The Bonfire Membership Program.


An online education company providing e-courses & a monthly membership program for busy families looking to parent with intention and connection.

Wendy Snyder is a Positive Parenting Teacher & Family Life Coach, helping families parent with great purpose and intention by creating healthy, respectful & cooperative relationships.

She is a Certified Parent Educator of Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) & The Joy of Parenting (JOP) and an advocate for families.

The Foundations Course provides an A-Z guide on Positive Parenting so parents can build the family of their dreams. Learning is a breeze with this easy to navigate, concise yet powerful, and comprehensive 4 Module Parenting Course. The Bonfire membership program provides continuous monthly learning & support for families who are learning, growing & applying positive parenting strategies in their homes.

Jesus Guided Parenting helps families who desire to learn positive parenting curriculum while also leaning on Jesus to be guided in their parenting journey. This four module course gives parents guidance on positive psychology, sin nature, submission & authority & grace focused parenting. Grab your seat for my FREE class on “Dissolving Power Struggles with Integrity” by heading to: www.FreshStartFamilyOnline.com/powerstrugglesclass

the lesson was clear for me · me help you?” or “would you like to hop in your car seat by...

Documents