TOMORROW 19º - 13º

TODAY 42º - 17º

09:00English Lecture10:00Classes11:00Group Meeting11:15Trivia13:15Lunch14:15Classes

z

MICROREVIEW

Charles Peakwithheld

His hair is so big because it's full of secrets

David BowieZine Team

The stars look very different today. Forever a legend.

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Edition iii Wednesday 13 January, 2016

The Files

This is what happened on Tuesday - or is it?

R E C A P

University of Melbourne

Student UnionVCE Summer School 2016

09:00English Lecture10:00Classes11:00Group Meeting11:15Workshops13:15Lunch14:15Classes

#The Conspiracy Zine

Notice: Don’t forget, you can get access to all photos through the VCESS Facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/vcesummerschool/

Quickly before they are removed by the government

Our first round of workshops went swimmingly. Or so I hear. Conspiracy theorists say that the Origami workshop required some intense concentration by nimble-fingered students constructing the classic crane. The Learn to Play ‘Magic the Gathering’ workshop apparently attracted a great variety of people, and in the Texas Hold’em Poker workshop students mastered their poker faces (Lady Gaga would be proud).

Beginner’s Salsa is believed to have been a hit, and rumour says that Director Tessa owned the floor. In the Robogals LEGO Robotics workshop the students may or may not have impressively programmed robotic cars to move in a path they created on their computer.

The Zine would like to thank the Music Jamming and Writing workshop for filling all of level two of Union House with some lovely entertainment. Or did they? Look forward to more fun/weird/useful workshops coming up this Thursdayº Unless that’s another conspiracy.

Progress of the Studmuffin Commissioners (Day 2):

Stay away from their “office”. They’re cracking under the weight of all the votes (it’s funny, keep it up).

English LecturesAnon Student Early, but worth it

OpsEveryone

Hardest working people at VCESS

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In year 12, you’ll hear all sorts of myths from your teachers and fellow peers. “Kids who choose science subjects get a higher ATAR,” “SACs don’t matter,” “you’ll never get a job with a low ATAR.” That’s all BS. Myth #1 If you do a subject that gets scaled up you’ll get a higher result.Not exactly. If you’re interested in a subject and achieve decent results throughout the year, you’re more likely to get a better study score. Regardless of whether the subject gets scaled up or down.

Myth #2 If you get a bad ATAR you will be a failure at life.Not true. If you don’t achieve the clearly-in ATAR for your chosen course, there are alternate pathways. Don’t forget that after ATARs are released, there’s a short change of preference period when you’ll be able to alter your course preferences on the VTAC website.

Myth #3 You can’t have a social life in year 12Wrong again. You can, if you organise your time well. In fact, you should maintain some balance in your life during VCE. Yet, it’s true that you’ll need to make some sacrifices in your social life for exam preparation. Everyone has different studying methods, which means they have their own way of juggling a study/life balance.

Myth #4. The SAC’’s Don’t count.Untrue! For most subjects, SAC scores contribute to roughly half the final score, while the exam is worth about 50 per cent. Just remember that every piece of assessment counts. Myth #5 If you go to a disadvantaged school your exams will be marked lower.Definitely not. Each student has a VTAC number, making you anonymous. The examiners are all external markers, so every exam is marked based on how the individual performed in the exam.

Now that we’ve dispelled some year 12 myths, you can tell everyone the cold, hard truth about VCE.

YEAR 12 MYTHS [BUSTED]

For the conspiracies so buried they are down under (I know, we suck)

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ConspiraciesAlana Seal

They don’t really exist

Sean PennEl Chapo

I made a huge mistake.

S t u d m u f f i nWh a t t h e y d o n ’ t w a n t y o u t o k n o w

Today we look past the sugary outer surface, and into the moist, delicious, dark and moist centre of Studmuffin. While yesterday we looked at the proud history of S. Tudmuffin, further investigation has revealed that the Studmuffin Commission is actually nothing more than a front for a underground secret society called the Front for the Revolutionary Abolishment of Teaching (FRAT for short). FRAT is believed to have plans to overthrow the Directors, and finally abolish classes, turning VCESS into a Summer School utopia with unlimited beach days, Studmuffin vote writing and tender loving No Frat Pats for all.

While clearly this is what we all want, and a student led revolution is not far away, it is believed that IT Ops are working in conjunction with the Directors on a secret plan to remove all fun from the program, I mean have you seen the workshop choices? VCE Study Skills? Really?

There also have been mutterings that the Studmuffin Commissioners spend so much time and energy inflating their perceived status that they are left with no time to count the votes. However in spite of clear rivalries the Zine team has stood up in defence of the Commissioners stating on the record that they carefully peruse every bundle of 20 and ‘Studmuffin 2016’. Let’s be clear the Zine team are the true heroes in this story.

F1 320Group A1 96Barack Obama 44Jordan Nelson 41Rubber Bands 40When I am with you there’s no place I’d rather be 27Gerald Ford 22Kenendy 22RMIT 21Liam Phillips 21Breena Clements20Kennedy 20Religion and Society 13Isabella Verrocchi 12Donald Trump 11Cam Boyle 10#jasandalex 10Celine Hua-Ching 8Group Q1 8Tessa Gould 6Josh McGrath 6Michelle Goodwin 5Tommy Pham 5Cathleen Armstrong 5Blair Hill 5Eldrain Naidoo 5Nadiee BEll 5Isa Mouratidis 5#bench 5The Cammissioner 4Hodor 4Aiden Carter 4

Dino the Scientist 3Jess Mirls 3Matthew Krotsis 3Zara Mora 3Cam Bloye 3U2 3Not Physics 3Tom Walker 3Kathleen Owens 2Henry Lai 2Ricki Tran 2Sarah Stephenson 2Tara Ziemer 2Nick Ziemkiewicz 2Biology 2Whitney Houston 2Studmuffin 2016 2Year 12 2English Lecture 2English 2One Direction 2Jack Cook 2Matt De Bono 2Chemistry 2Maths Methods 2Melissa Broxham 2Melbourne Weather 2Watermelon Boy 2Charles Peak’s Hair 2Redheads 2Tony Abbott 2Jacqui Fuzzard 2Wahib Abi-Ghosn 2

Where are they now?

She’s on an island in the middle of the Caribbean, sipping Pina Coladas and snorkelling with colourful fish. She didn’t actually crash into the Bermuda Triangle, she landed there deliberately to make the most of the Cayman Island’s offshore tax centre. After investing in IBM in the early 1970s, she now has enough money to buy her own island.

Actually dead, but not the way you might think. He was swept out to sea from the Portsea back beach and carried all the way to Tasmania. He lived in the bush there briefly, foraging for nuts and berries, until the fateful day he was eaten by a Tasmanian tiger. This tiger was the last of its kind in the wild, but after eating the former Prime Minister, it promptly died of a heart attack, thus causing the species to become extinct.

The answer to the question ‘Who Shot Tupac’ is unexpected. Zine has uncovered that it was Princess Diana. After Tupac was

‘shot’ in 1996, he went into hiding in the city of Helsinki, in Finland. He set up a new identity and found a house, in preparation for their life together. Princess Di was allegedly killed in 1997, however, she escaped in the aftermath and fled to Belgium to be with her lover, Tupac. They still live happily together, with Will and Harry occasionally visiting their mother and step-father, who they agree is way cooler than Prince Charles.

Amelia Earhart

Harold Holt

Tupac Shakur

JFKHe’s still living in Texas. After the ‘shooting’ in Dallas, he settled down and bought a house with Marilyn Monroe,

and they raised their kids and grandchildren away from prying eyes. Although they did not take either of their parent’s surnames, you might be surprised to learn that both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are descended from the Kennedy-Monroe’s. However, the marriage of Jack and Marilyn did not last, as he could not stop his philandering ways. He is now secretly dating Selena Gomez, much to the chagrin of Justin Bieber.

Marilyn MonroeSee JFK.

Due to number of entries, a complete list will be available level 2 of Union House.

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notice: If you read today’s Zine backwards, the truth will be revealed. We have to go, we’ve already said too -

aries (mar 21 - apr 19)A man in black and fine eyewear will offer you two pills. Take neither! Christain side hugs, not drugs.

gemini (may 21- jun 20)Go to Mexico. Sail down the coast until Black Pueblo. Elvis, Tupac and the Colonel await you.

cancer (jun- jul 22)Beware the way you walk home tonight. Alien abductions are rampant in these parts.

leo (jul 23- aug 22) Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams, so obviously we’re safe in Union House. Or are we?

virgo (aug 23- sep 22)Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong on the Moon? Nah, did it in Neil’s basement with DIY models.

libra (sep 23- oct 22)Like the Caribbean, Unimelb has it’s own Bermuda triangle. Don’t ask what happened to VCESS 2000.

scorpio (jun 21- jul 22)The Studmuffin competition leads you to a place of books, but be careful not to ask yet, you must know where to look.

sagittarius (nov 22- dec 21)Today, be conscious of preserving your precious bodily fluids. Fluoridation is a lie..

capricorn (dec 22- jan 19)Studmuffin is actually the latest iteration in a series of Knights Templar. Join today!

aquarius (jan 20- feb 18)You know, if you listen to Yoko Ono’s solo work backwards, you’ll learn the truth.

pisces (feb 19- mar 20)Compare Obama in ’08 to now. Grey hairs? Learning about the lizards does it to you. Google David Icke.

taurus (apr 20- may 20)Monstrous mutated lake-dwelling creature, or doctored bath toy? Loch ness, you decide.

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Competition!We’ve hidden something at Summer School. If you solve the clues

and find it, we’ll give you Studmuffin votes. Each day’s clues bring you closer to where it is.

Clue #3I’ll LEVEL with you if you know where TWO go, if you need more

help go ask a Scorpio.Today’s prize pool: 300 votes

Colouring for MindfulnessTo open your mind to the real way

the world is run

CONFIDENTIAL