the long journey home scribd submission chap2_my spirit wanders in the eve

7/31/2019 The LONG JOURNEY HOME Scribd Submission Chap2_My Spirit Wanders in the Eve

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Chapter 2

My Spirit Wanders In The Eve.

The dinnerware was set to fine china, the crystal glasses glowedto sparkle under the low lamps of a chandelier. The silverware washeated and kept warm until time for supper. My sisters were about intheir rooms; Alicia reading profusely a new novel which was to hercustom every evening just before dinner. I felt she was trying to fattenherself with words, and then pigeon pick her food when it was time toactually eat. Erin had grown to be a spry and spirited young woman; as

much as she was in childhood, only worse.Alicia and I remained to our loyalties with one another. We

confided between each other regularly, held to our promises, andlocked away what secrets we cared to not share with anyone else. Tome, her trust was golden. A turncoat for a feminine woman now; herbright eyes, gleaming smile, veracity to laugh and kick about glee hadalways made her a favorite amongst the nearby beaus. Her prudentand picky nature by which she would date and date regularly, kept anyperspective suitor from getting too close to her.

Erin was truly the tomboyish gender of the lot. From cow roping,

to working the mares, colts, and studs, Erin had a way with theoutdoors. It was if she were born into the outdoors, undomesticated;and so having the better skills of any cowboy I could yet imagine. Icould outride her but little else; and how she had the virtuoso of anygun shooter near and far. Three years in a row she was the best shotat the fair in her age group.

Now mother had aged with as much grace as with wisdom. Shestood to be the backbone to our family, with father gone on businesstravels and more elevated responsibility. We had seen little of him overthe past several years. And through these lonelier years, mother held

to her own, kept attention to her growing children, and made our homethe best situation for us all. I never saw her rock fade; sturdy, strong,unyielding to any of the pressures, but keeping to her stance througheven the strongest of winds.

Her life, to all ends, was dedicated to us.

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The house was in a warm glow for early supper. The overcasthaze of sunset dipped just behind the highest arch to our home.Brianne and I could see the feathering clouds drift along the cascadingrays and sun. The dips were like a harbor into the coming seas of

night. Like a mantle; a dream where one might stall to admire onbefore awaking. The shadows of light held to each windowpane; theflickers and walking silhouettes filled the house with such activity thatwe knew nightfall would be setting in soon.

How nice of you to join us Brianne, mother greeted us bothwhen we entered through the front door, as was always to her custom.I could see the gray overshadowing her once raven hair.

And to you, Mrs. Hampshire Brianne gladly accepted mothersembrace. The dining room was all now aglow.

Can you grab your sister, Erin... mother requested of her, And

Landon, she directed her look to me, please do pardon us Brianne,mother shifted her look back and forth, Landon... She held out herhand to under lock my arm and guide me away to the grand woodenporch sitting on the back of our home.

What do you make of Brianne? She asked of me as we caughtthe sunset together; it drifting behind the large, overhanging treesclose to our house.

She is a fine girl, I suggested this.Not the mere pride of a man who might reciprocate the

emotions and feelings she feels for you, she crossed her hands in

front of her waist, leaned back over the railing, and disappeared herexpression into the twilight, and she does feel much for you Landon.I paused for a time to respond with.I can feel it, as well.Still, she sighed, You do nothing...Am I to do something? I questioned.I think that choice lies with you, she softly spoke, But to do

nothing still means to choose.Perhaps, I paced out to the edge with her.When do you plan to make a life for yourself son?Am I too old to still wonder about such things? I pondered with

a question on her verbal curiosities.She smiled.The verse of a mother is to always know, she grinned deeper,

and if not to know, but always to be curious about instead Such is amothers love for her son.

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I wont consider it a transgression just quite yet, I laughed,that I still dont have the foggiest clue of who I am.

Oh Landon, mother touched me on my shoulder, We have totry to find ourselves before we figure it out Its a leap of faith into

some level of a journey. A journey we sometimes just have to go intobefore fully knowing, she paused for a spell, and figure out along theway We cant always be so safe in life.

So you think I should leave?I gulped hard on this, and it surely pronounced itself through my

revealing expression on her.Oh no son, she waned on this, you could be a fingertip away

from finding yourself, or you might have to go to the farthest places ofthe earth to find that same answer, she nearly cried, only the birdknows when it is time to fly

I cant speak on what Im unsure of.And you are unsure of Brianne, mother implied, as she movedto brush back the shoulder-length, long, thick black hair waving at theside of my look.

She is a fine girl, I whispered, to repeat.You know, she converted another subject, you received

another letter last week.I could sense the stern breech in her eyes when they took to glow

much like the setting sun.I dont want to go there, I clinched my jaws firmly shut.

All those letters, she calmly continued, unopened,unanswered, and unread They are waiting for you Landon.That was another day, I leaned about, and I glared into the sun

and its diminishing light, Another time in my life.Dont lie to yourself...I am farthest from that, I shot back.Or maybe too close to see it for what it is.Mother was just as quick to have me rethink myself.You know I made a promise never to try to persuade you

children to do something before you are ready to do it Unless, that is,I felt compelled to do so.

And you feel that urgency with me? I pondered.She alone, in her sweet, melancholy manner, said nothing; yet

only to shake her head on it with an agreeing wave.

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Because son, she began after her pause, the undeniablemistake lies in not seeing the urgency to it, and letting it all slip awaybefore you give yourself a chance, a hope, to act upon it.

What to do, I seemed to speak to myself more than mother,

What to do That seems to be the eternal question.Not exactly, she looked away, just when to look for theanswer. To know the time, the place, when the answer is finally therefor you to see it for what it is.

I feel like I cant go back, I spoke as though I were in a brief,internal turmoil with myself, Nor do I feel I can go forward either.

Then the answer lies somewhere in between...She applied a kiss to my forehead, and I accepted it with love and

grace.Perhaps someday you will value something that you see as the

greatest thing in your life, that you now find the least value in Justdont be the victim in the decisions you makeMom! we heard a shout inside the house. It was the raspy voice

of Erin protruding out, Suppers a-brewing.Shall we? Mother wrapped her arm underneath mine once

more, and I led her back into the dining room where Brianne waspatiently awaiting our return. I turned to her with a sense of new vigorto smile and to express on her a new measure of affection.

About the midst of dinner, mother came with her announcementabout father.

He is in Kansas City, she reluctantly spoke on.Hes been gone for three days, Erin fussed.When does he plan to return? Alicia spoke up.Next month, mother responded.Next month? I dropped my fork into the dinner plate; He went

to Buffalo for a week, just five days ago.Business keeps him busy, mother defended.Too busy, Erin muttered.Ill not have you talk poorly of your father, mother said.Hes not around long enough to talk about, I replied.Landon, she shot a cold stare down on me, youll just have to

attend to the general chores as if you were the man of the house.Its not that...Youve done it before son.Thats the very reason why he brought us here, I pursued, so

that he could spend more time with his family.

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The room grew silent as I looked around for anyone who mayvery well agree with me. I continued.

Well? Wasnt it? He spoke of it himselfMother too was silent. I reached my gaze to gather hers in, only

to find her burying those fragile eyes deeper into her food. The silencelingered on a bit, and by my stating the obvious I knew I had broughtout more ills than good.

I apologize for my sons outburst Brianne, mother politelystated, its rather not polite to fashion our discussions on a personalway, in this manner, in the presence of company.

I was only reminding everyone of the situation.Then attend to this matter with your father when he returns,

she properly objected, Its not to be discussed, unless it is firstdiscussed with him Agreed?

As you say, I solemnly pronounced my commitment to her.There came again a long silence, but for the banging of theutensils to scoop up what food remained on our plates. I knew I hadinjured my mother slightly over the ordeal. And for this, I felt thegreatest regret for.

I knew Brianne felt as equally uneasy by our conversations,though she politely smiled when the other members of my familyaddressed her with their eyes and stares.

Landon, Ill need you to take the colt out for his work.Mother said, chewing about the last morsels of her food.

I thought it was Erins turn. I insinuated.While you were away this afternoon, I had to send Erin to themarket It was either the market or her working Cloud. The greaterimportance was to have food for dinner.

What about the farmhands? I wondered aloud.They were painting the main barn, Erin explained, I hear you

were racing againYes, Brianne interjected with a sense of joy in telling everyone

the good news, The flag race He came in first and will be runningBoone in The Harvester Race.

I made my attempts to stall out Brianne, but she had spoken toomuch before I could gather her attention away from this subject.Mother stared me down, kept her eyes locked on me, never made amuscle move alike a praying mantis before it strikes. She was weighingme, and I could sense her displeasure in all this.

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and near to rile at the weakest of sounds. Or perhaps, in the end, hewas just the younger version of Boone; spirit and all.

I cautioned Brianne about the colt before we came to the barn.Our ride atop Boone was brief, with the sterling views of that horizon

drifting off into its own bay and the soft winds of spring bringing thetrees into chime. She held me tight from the rear, though I was stiff inmy body to keep from relaxing.

I was tense and she felt it so.The barn itself was dark, unmoving, and seemed to show little life

in it, but for the occasional sounds of shifting horses in their lofts. Wequietly pulled Boone into his hole; the stall being the largest this barncould afford without reducing the numbers.

Clouds stall sat next to Boone; and as we came to enter, hemoved to the rear as he always did. Boone grunted when first spotting

Cloud, though the colt seemed to not pay particular attention on hisfather.Oh, what a beautiful horse! Brianne whispered; coming to the

edge of his stall.Quiet! I spoke in a strong whisper.He doesnt know you Cloud is very unpredictable around

strangers; let alone people he is familiar with.Cloud had the purest white coat of any horse far and wide. It was

said, even in the darkest night, if you were to see Cloud galloping offalong the ridges, you would think it was the full moon which had

drifted down to earth and was now shining all along the plains. Some ofthe farmhands claim his was the ghost of a former warrior; unearthed,and now coming back as a horse to claim the battle he had lost anddied in many centuries before.

Some of the farmhands can be spooked as easily as if you wereto blow a candle out right in front of them. Still, I believed there wassome muted truth to their stories on this colt. Clouds spirit was justtoo bold and brave not to have more than legend and folklore in thewhims of his mannerisms.

Careful, I whispered in a shout.The stall door creaked open. The fear rose in both Cloud and I;

seeing his mane dropping between his coal-burning eyes. He stomped,rustled his head in a shake as if to say no, shifted from one side tothe other, grunted, snorted, high-shrilled shriek, then he began theprocess all over again.

Dont hurt him, Brianne requested.

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He does this every time, I said; sending back my words to herwithout turning; I dare not take my eyes off of Cloud.

The lantern light crossed over Clouds expression; the manner ofhis grunts and snorts only intensified. The shadows grew long and

heavy over the back walls; Clouds silhouette converging with mine;and so meeting with such aggression, he kicked high to hold me off.My hand was firm to the rope I was to collar him with. The dust risinghigher into a mist and cloud of its own; the sharp kicks to the air; thefierce stammering and backdrops against the wall and side bars onlybrought Cloud into a more heightened sense of awareness.

I bent to one knee, almost to show him reverence; he calmed andfaced me with the shadow of something staring through his eyes; thatspirit, that gallant, unbridled, distempered spectre to his personalitywas as bright as his coat shining through the lamplight.

Easy, I raised the rope above me; showing it to him, EasyI could sense Briannes look as intense as was to her silence. Theair settled into a smelly hue with no movement; all was calm, if onlybriefly. I measured him well, made a slight arch with my hands, and Iflung the rope over his face and collared him clean.

He riled into a heave and blow; casting out that warriors rage infull force which resided within him. I held the reins firm regardless ofhis actions. He bolted, stewed, kicked out with all four hooves, andglared a fiery red tint to his look and eyeshot on me. The more hevaulted from one side of this stall to the other, I kept my arms twisted

around that rope; holding him down when, after a few short minutes,he came to the conclusion he was not to get away. I began to guidehim out of the stall and direct him towards the open corral; all thewhile Boone kept his gaze transfixed on Cloud and I as we passed by.

Keep to my side, I instructed Brianne.How long will be out in the corral?An hour or so, I replied, Until he gets his runs out.What about the pasture lands?Hell be gone for sure, I stated, This horse wasnt born to be

domesticated. Cloud will take to flight if I let him free in thepasturelands for one minute.

Then why dont you let him go free?Hes too young; he wont manage without the mother phillie

yet, I returned, Besides, a horse as this can make good with studservice. One thing hes got, if nothing else; is speed Real speed, likehis father...

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You will sell him then... she inquired.If he should make it to adulthood, I said, Sometimes horses

like this are just too wild to have in any domesticated environment. IfCloud cant, Im sure father may have him put down.

The very thought of this brought shock to Briannes expression.Hell be very hard to break With this type of temperament, hewill be most difficult to break.

Brianne set out over the Corrals long wooden barriers, sittingatop and looking out over Cloud while he stuttered in circles about thisenormous, oval settlement. The ground would kick up in what lookedto be a dirty, mysterious fog when he went east to west, then backagain.

We caught a glimpse of the suns final rays arching out into thenewborn night sky. Stars had already settled in their positions above;

the moon seemed to dip upside down and flop on its belly. I had madeready to settle up a skillet beside the corral, within eye gaze of it, outby a willow tree that overhung the entrance.

Before long we had a fire stoked up, flames glowing with asimmer of sparkles casting out just beyond the clearing we made. Theflickers brought this open range into its own lamplight and view; thenuts set to the skillet and warming as they cooked.

I want to apologize for bringing up the race to your mother,Brianne humbled herself, with a downward gaze.

No need, I declared, Whats done, is done.

If I had known, she further reminded me.What would it matter Brianne? I asked, Mother has alwaysbeen a watchdog over my adventures Seems fitting she would notchange or alter herself simply because you were around There is noinfraction here.

Why do you appease me so? She cast me with a corner stareand a pointed question which took me off guard.

What do you mean? I denied its relevance.You are a man of mystery Landon Hampshire, she replied, Im

not sure if this is the heart and reason why I carry such interest inyou.

When you find out, I was caustic; deliberately so, Let me knowwhere the answer lies.

Im not sure that I will ever know, she paused, being that theanswer most lies within your own mystery.

And why am I such a mystery to you?

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Curiosity, she came back, Mostly. There are other things thatput me at your attention.

And what may they be? I quizzed her further; handing herseveral hot-roasted, shelled peanuts to devour.

I know little on your past, your upbringing. There is always ashadow of something behind everything you do, and everything youdont. You guard this as a matter of importance to you.

She ate about her nuts, appeared to draw deeper within herselfto become more pursuant on me.

Why dont you tell me Landon?Because there is little there, I tried to smile, which matters.I shied away as quickly as I said this.Still, she eyed me more prudently, there is something there

My mother always wonders why I take the time with you.

What does she say? I asked.That I would fall in love with a mystery Always wanting toknow, search it out; and deep down inside, knowing that I really dontwant to know. To let it be as it is, always a mystery to me.

Sometimes the answer may not be the right one, I responded,the one you desire to hear.

Is that the case here? She was quick to wonder, Would I bedisappointed if the mystery would end, and me knowing the truth wereto begin?

Maybe Brianne, I squandered about with my actions, There are

better men for you to spend time with, to know.I am here by choice, she kept her wanting stare over me,Solely by choice You give me little else to go on Landon.

That is my misfortune then...No less than mine, she whispered, But I havent left Im still

here, and I am not leaving.So we are at a stalemate I pronounced.As we always are, she glared into the fire, and then returned

her longing expression back over me, As we always have beenI felt the silence intrude into our thoughts together. To the point

we had found another gap of silence to keep us company with. I feltthe tension rile between us; the frustration devour our hearts intosome level of connection we could neither enhance on, nor ever breakfrom. We were simply caught in the web of a cat and mouse chasing.

The long overture to our relations together had stream-rolled usthrough to some measure of parallel respect. And yet, as the time

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drove us deeper together, we discovered this unique world ofdisjointed love; of vaporizing hopes and dreams that perhaps, in amore perfect world, we would come to realize.

I was caught between wants and betrayal; of having no

understanding upon the rich turmoil which was consuming me. Therewas no plausible answer that would render me peace here. To fashionlove and harmony together made little sense to me now; sitting here,in this venue of being caught between two worlds of mystery. Twolands where the shorelines could never be breached. But the seas,which are connected to them, have me for its navigation. This wasindeed a place of mystery and of love.

What do you see in your future? She asked.A cloud, I surmised, Of circumstance and of fate.A true philosopher... she grinned out.

No, I kept my face collective, and hiding my thoughts, Just arealist, not easily persuadedThere must be so much emotion behind that cloud.One can only guess at this stage in my life, I replied.You know, having ideals is not such a bad thing, she

responded, Its what makes Hope what it is.I am not the man for arts, I drank my warm water; trying to

imagine it was colder than it was, No dialect for the imagination Idont see love in poems, but in long life, in honor, in trust, and indedication.

Have you always felt this way? Brianne questioned.No, I softly smiled and shook my head in regard, Not always. Itook another sip.

There is something, she looked on me with awe and a mostsurprised stare, Something that did persuade you It changed yourbelief system Altered the way you look at life.

You seem convinced, I asked.Only on the mystery, she took to sip from my drink, Someday,

you will tell me about this mystery The thing that stole your heartaway

I nearly shook on this and I gulped hard with my last swallow; andstill only finding the means to send my expression away from hers. Inthis moment Brianne had torn away a block to my wall; made me moreexposed to her. I was vulnerable there to her, but for the moment, andit made me feel most uncomfortable for being altered so. Mycomposure was lapsing, and though I stalled with my words, trying to

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find the right equation to come back with, I simply muddled throughmy own thoughts, and this kept me silent for what seemed an eternitylong.

Yes, you are Landon Hampshire, she smiled, A most excellent

mysteryIm glad I can be a good play to you...Oh no, she smirked, Not a play; just a man with a very

interesting composition. I promise in all this, I will not steal anythingfrom you; at least, nothing you would consider valuable.

Values change, I offered.Yes, she stared hard on me, They do And with them, people

change also.Is that your hope? I spun my glass in the rim of my hands.Hope? she whispered, Odd There is that word again Hope,

Landon, is where I can keep my faith most secureOur eyes did collapse into a spellbinding stare on one another.The moment stilled; time forgot to continue on, or it stalled into asnapshot where even I thought I could hear her heart beat out of herchest towards me. There was an angled expression in her look there;one of caution and of fear, yet one to be so brave that I thought therewas a paradox affixed in her gaze. She was touching me with her souland I knew it to be so.

Briannes hand bent forward; grasping for mine, and I too, toaccept hers. The fire directly in front of us cast the sparks and flints of

light through both of our faces; the collection, each, the moremesmerizing.Brianne was a woman of art. She held those fragment pieces of

love in a guarded way. I knew her hope lay in taking those pieces andplacing them together along the generation of our lives together. Icould not venture to predict with any sanity where we would go, orthat our time would be long or short together.

Indeed I was the mystery to this extended play of life. Her choice;and her choice alone, was to discover the man I am and to unravel themystery that I myself could never fashion into some relevant definition.I was the eagle who had never seen his own image in the mirror; hadno vantage point to see the beauty or disgrace which I possessed. Northat I knew that there were even wings to fly by on each side of me.

There wasnt a detailed description of myself in my own vocabulary. Nowords that would harness the full man that I was, and that I wouldbecome.

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Perhaps she had me in her sights all along; the eagle catcher. Ormaybe, through this fostering love she held for me, when the timecame for me to fly, the love would be strong to let me go. Still, thecloud remained.

I think its time, I looked over and I saw Cloud huddling into onecorner. Darkness had claimed the night sky; made the pillars of cloudssoftly disappear, and how they moved across the Heavens without ourknowing it.

Brianne remained for the evening; keeping residence in mysisters Alicia room. I could hear the muddled sounds of their whispersand their occasional laughter throughout the night. My room wasmerely a thin wall away from theirs.

Each thought drew me closer to my sleep. In a few days I wouldbegin my training with Whittles, and so unsuspecting to my mother. I

had my eyes strictly now on the Harvester Race prize.

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the long journey home scribd submission chap2_my spirit wanders in the eve

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