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By Nasrin Modak Siddiqi, Mumbai Mirror | Feb 25, 2015, 12.00 AM IST

Why let bad timing ruin your chance at happilyeverafter? Here'show to accurately time your every move in romance.

On one of the episodes of How I Met Your Mother, Cobie Smulders'character Robin Scherbatsky sagely says at a friend's wedding: 'Ifyou have chemistry, you only need one other thing - timing, buttiming's a b***h.'

Just when you think everything is perfect with this someone-newyou've-just-met, along comes a lull phase that kills the initialeuphoria. What then is the algorithm to securing a future with thepartner of your dreams? If long hours of texting and commoninterests don't determine compatibility, what does? Above all, dorelationships follow timelines?

You may not want to hear it, but, yes they do.

Go slow after the first date

Timing is everything when dating. Any couple could strike arelationship or get married, but it depends on how they connect."The key is taking time to relax and be your authentic self. Do notrush the first stages, and make sure that you are honest about whatyou want right from the beginning. If you want a seriousrelationship, tell your partner you are looking for a meaningfulconnection and try not to become intimate too quickly," warns UK-based sex and love coach Cate MacKenzie.

She adds that after the first date if you take the time to be slow, you are more likely to allow the relationship to developat a genuine pace of growth and bonding.

"Women have a higher level of oxytocin, the happiness and mother/baby bonding hormone, and often feel that they'know' the man is 'The One' soon after meeting. Men have a lower level of it and can take longer to decide she is agirlfriend or potential wife. So, if the woman rushes into being sexually intimate or texting him all the time, she maynot allow him the pace and time he needs to attach to her. This disparity can create heartache for some women as they

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get involved too quickly and wonder why he suddenly disappears," she says. If you take it gently and hold theboundaries, it allows you to build a relationship at a pace that suits both of you.

Three days for the next date

Most new encounters have a short shelf-life, therefore it is important to act pragmatically if you wish to take thingsfurther. In the initial stages of dating, it is best to use SMS only for practical details or appreciating a date. Try not tohave deep conversations on phone or over text. "Reserve your chats for when you meet face to face, and when on adate, try to agree or suggest ideas for your next date," says MacKenzie.

"If you have been on an Internet date, or a blind date, and you like the other person (and I do believe women can andshould take the initiative without looking 'desperate'), the end of the date is a time to say in a relaxed way, 'this was funand I'd like to do it again," says Barbara Bloomberg, relate coach and author of The Relate Guide to Finding Love andCouple Therapy: Dramas of Love and Sex.

When you share your number with someone new, it is great if they call up in a day's time or in three days, but if theytake more than a week, there needs to be a really good reason for this. If not, they are, not bothered. "You can alwayshelp the situation by telling them it would be lovely to hear from them by Tuesday, for example," suggests MacKenzie.Besides, it is never too soon after a date to drop a text to say it was fun and fix the next date or even just say, 'Hi'.

Studies at Kansas University show that most of us do not realise when someone is flirting with us, so it is best to makeit very clear if we like someone before the opportunity passes. "If you like someone, don't leave it too long to makeanother date. If you delay, you may introduce doubts in their mind, and yours, which could destroy any chance of arelationship developing," says Bloomberg.

18 months to seal the deal

All couples are different, but as an indicator, it is helpful to move towards security or engagement within a year-and-a-half of seriously dating each other, say experts. At this stage, a woman often wants to know where the relationship isheaded and it is fair on her part to be unhappy if she does not think he is committing. "Often the man is receiving allthe love and acceptance and feels happy, so he may not completely understand her different wants. But if he genuinelyloves her, he will want to respect her wishes and offer her the security she needs. Many married women are assertive(or their family or caregivers are) and they firmly but gently made it clear what they were expecting from early on,"adds MacKenzie.

So, if a guy asks you to marry him within a year of dating, it sounds like he is serious. "If he doesn't, he may well be butmay not realise what she needs and the speed at which she needs it. Why don't you ask him instead," suggestsBloomberg.

Not many men dream of their wedding day but several women have been thinking of this all their lives. It is importantthat the sentiment is honoured. "Studies have shown that men benefit hugely from good marriages, so ultimately, thisshould be win/win all round!" says MacKenzie.

Exceptions to the rule

While a year and a half seems ideal, some couples may be happy with a longer wait. It is also different if one or both ofthe partners have been married previously as they may not be in such a hurry to marry. If the couple have goodcommunication skills and they feel happy with where the relationship is going, the timeline can be as long as they feelcontent to wait.

MARK YOUR RELATIONSHIP MILESTONES

MacKenzie's guide to timing your relationship correctly

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1. Date once or twice a week for a couple of months. See the person at least once a week for one month, then move totwice for the second month. Suggest meeting for another date while on a date so you both know that you are meetingeach time and don't have to worry.

2. After a couple of months, agree to a three-month commitment period. This helps the couple deepen theirconnection and learn to be steady. It is hard without a commitment. It can also bring up deep feelings and you canpractice being open and vulnerable, which elicits closeness. At three months, assess and discuss how you both feel. Ifyou are happy, then you can continue to a deeper alignment.

3. Talk about engagement at a year to year-and-a-half.

4. Marry at twoand-a-half to three years.

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