The Magic of

WillpowerDiscover the Key to Inner Strength and Unlock Your True Potential

B e l l a Ti n d a l e

Copyright © 2013 Bella Tindale

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-0984-6 (sc)ISBN: 978-1-4525-0985-3 (e)

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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Printed in the United States of America

Balboa Press rev. date: 04/12/2013

To my sister, Sophie Kratz.

There may be oceans between us, but I always feel close to you. Thank you for your understanding, your support, and your

unwavering love.

Contents

Introduction ............................................................................ix

What Is Willpower?Chapter 1 ..............................................1Actions and Their ConsequencesChapter 2 ..........................5Become Aware of Your Thoughts and ActionsChapter 3 .....12The Power of DecisionChapter 4 ........................................20Know Yourself and Know WhatChapter 5 You Want ..........25Self-Esteem and Self-ImageChapter 6 .................................33Choose Your GoalChapter 7 ...............................................48Keep Your Eyes on the PrizeChapter 8 ................................57Willpower—A Source of Enduring HappinessChapter 9 ....70Willpower—The Power to Resist TemptationChapter 10 .....77Willpower—The Power to Stay MotivatedChapter 11 ..........87

Conclusion ...........................................................................101Suggested Reading ................................................................107About the Author .................................................................111

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Introduction

As a practicing private counsellor, I have come across many people who want to make lifestyle changes such as losing weight, giving up smoking, or overcoming procrastination. I would suggest strategies and action plans, only to hear the objection “But I don’t have any willpower.” This is how I came to write a book about willpower—because it is probably what we need the most when we embark on a journey of self-improvement.

Most of us want to achieve success and lasting happiness, but success means something different to each of us. There is material success, such as money, and psychological success, such as stability, satisfaction, serenity, and a sense of direction. While we may honestly want to change, we tend to dislike alterations to our routine and avoid stepping out of our comfort zone. We may even be frightened of it, as it can be unsettling, something we’re not used to: a challenge.

Sometimes we’re forced to adapt to circumstances that are out of our control. This can happen through marriage, the birth or adoption of a child, a new job, or a medical diagnosis. The need for improvement may arise from within ourselves because we’re dissatisfied, or because the way we’re doing things is no longer to our advantage. Maybe we’re used to grabbing a smoke or a drink whenever we need to unwind, but now we want to stop relying on these crutches because they are detrimental to our

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health and budget. We want to free ourselves from these habits as we’ve become slaves to them. We know it’s time to do something about the excessive weight we’ve accumulated over the years. We’ve looked at our reflection in the mirror, and the doctor told us to do something about it.

As I stand in front of the mirror, I avoid peering into my eyes, too frightened to say to myself, “As of tomorrow, I won’t do this or that anymore . . . instead, I will do this or that.” Instead, I look away, thinking these resolutions are bound to fail because I don’t have enough willpower . . . if only I had more self-control and discipline, I would be able to achieve what I set out to do . . .

The quest for willpower seems as impossible as the quest for the Holy Grail. We want to have it ready at our disposal so that it never lets us down, but this “magic wand” that promises to keep us on the right track seems to remain out of our reach. We want to have strength of mind and determination when we’re about to fall under the spell of temptation. We want a foolproof method that will keep us on the right track, a kind of instant formula for success. We have tried a lot of different ways to control ourselves; we’ve devised various strategies, without lasting results. We ask ourselves, “Why can’t I stick to this diet or exercise program? Why can’t I give up smoking? Why can’t I study more? Why can’t I control my temper?” Then we say, “If only I had more willpower, all these things I want so badly for myself would come easy for me.” We wonder where we can find the key to this elusive power that can make us do anything to achieve our goal.

So many times we’ve tried to follow a plan to improve our lifestyle, our personality, or our career, only to give up after a while because we found it too difficult to stick with it. Too many obstacles seem to arise: stress at work or home causes the urge to give in to a craving of chocolate or nicotine. We believe that without fat and sugar or cigarettes in our daily life we will go crazy. Even though we wish to be healthy, we can’t imagine

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a life without these props that are essential to us and assist us in getting through our days. In a way, addictions are adaptive behaviours, as they help us cope with daily stresses, especially in the beginning, when the habit sets in. But in the long run they are detrimental, so we need to replace them with healthier coping strategies.

I know that to be successful I need to strengthen my willpower and self-control, but I don’t know how, and I am scared it might be too difficult. I don’t believe I am capable of it. Haven’t I tried numerous times to control impulses such as overeating or drinking too much alcohol, or to force myself to perform certain actions like learning or exercising, only to realize after a short period of time that I can’t do it on a regular basis? I make excuses like, “I’m too tired” or “I’ll do it when I’m ready” or “I’ll wait till the children are a bit older” or “I’ll have to go through with my divorce first . . . now is not the time.” But when will be the time? Will life ever run so smoothly that it will allow me the peace to quit smoking, change my diet, or study without ever being stressed and having a slip? Life is unpredictable, and we need to accept this if we want to persevere.

We wait for willpower to show up when life runs smoothly, when our relationships are good and our job is satisfying, when our kids are reasonable and our spouse supportive. But instead of waiting for a time that might never come, why not start right now? Why not focus on what we want and begin working towards our goal and make our dream come true?

Most of us have some idea of what we want to achieve: it may be a slim body, a successful career, or the freedom from stress or harmful addictions. We want to be more positive, more optimistic, and believe in ourselves. But instead of harnessing our thoughts, we let them run wild, like savage horses galloping in every direction. We are constantly pulled apart and spend more time fighting with ourselves than enjoying this incredible journey

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Chapter 1

What Is Willpower?

Willpower is inner strength. It comes from our mind and is not imposed on us by the outside world. No one can give it to you, as you already have it within yourself. Willpower is an inner engine that propels us into action. Willpower is energy; it’s the drive that sustains our efforts and stops us from giving up. It’s a process that gives us the ability to make decisions and the impulse needed to carry them out. Willpower is comparable to a “magic” power because it helps us reach any goal that is important to us. It helps us create a new reality and perform miracles, big and small. It helps us take initiative and then actually put it into practice. It helps us become the person we really want to be.

Willpower can be dormant for a long time before we allow it to become effective—when we’ve finally decided to unleash it. Allowing our willpower to spring forth is an art that can be learnt—and the more we practice, the more we’ll excel. Willpower helps us endure situations that are not always pleasant or comfortable but ones where we can later reap the rewards (for instance, adhering to an exercise routine or giving up cigarettes or junk food).

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Willpower allows us to choose one course of action over another. It allows us to say yes or no. It’s similar to a green or red light. It’s the inner voice that encourages us to do something we should be doing, or tells us not to do something we shouldn’t be doing. It enables us to get out of bed in the morning and to go for a jog before breakfast. It enables us to refuse the tempting cookie someone is handing us. Willpower enables us to sustain a mental or physical effort. It enables us to study for an exam, train for a competition, or practice for a concert. Willpower makes us accomplish all the little tasks we take for granted, like tidying the lounge, cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes, having a shower, or brushing our teeth. Without willpower, we wouldn’t be able to do anything.

Without it, there would be no motivation, no desire to perform a task. We would probably be able to think about something, but we wouldn’t be able to do it. To translate thoughts into actions, we need to activate an impulse. We need the green light to make us go. Without willpower, we wouldn’t have any initiative. We wouldn’t be able to make the simplest decisions, and we wouldn’t be able to turn our choices into appropriate actions. Without willpower, we would have major blocks—we would be mentally and physically paralyzed. There would be no green light to tell us to go and no red light to tell us to stop. We would be at the mercy of our emotions and impulses. We would be incapable of using our intelligence, our reasoning ability to prevent us from acting on a momentary whim or desire. We would not be able to stop ourselves from doing something “stupid” in our own eyes or in the eyes of society (like making a disparaging comment about your boss in front of him and your colleagues)

Instinct and gut reactions seem to be exceptions that bypass willpower. Sometimes we don’t have time to think, but we know how to take the right action at the right time. We apply our brakes when a dog runs into the road. We sprint to pick up our toddler