the nationals enquirer - final

8/14/2019 The Nationals Enquirer - Final

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NATIONALS ENQUIRER

Enquiring Swimmers Want to Know

AUGUST 19, 2008 I declare the 2008 USMS LC Nationals closed and, in accordance with tradition, I call upon the not-so-young of the world to assemble one year from now at Indianapolis to celebrate with us there the 2009 USMS LC Nationals!

Thank-youOMS; this hasbeen the mostsplendiforousLC MastersNationals ever!

See you inIndy!


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N AT I O N A L S E N Q U I R E R A U G U S T 1 9 , 2 0 0 8

The Suit of Choice at 2008 USMS LC Nationals?

Fish out of Water


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IS THE BABY A PROP?MOTHERS SWIM MASTERS!

On assignment at the Olympic Trials inOmaha, we applauded Dara Torres remarkablecomeback, but when we saw her lugging that darnBaby around on her hip for the 11th interview or so,and even worse, when we saw the Baby carted awayby a handler after the second medal ceremony, webegan to wonder if the baby was really legit. Wefigured some media smartie came up with the ideathat the Baby is gonna create photo opportunities forMom and prep the audience to be receptive forwhatever Mom can pull off in the pool. But still,

we figured enquiring swimmers would want toknow if the Baby is all its cracked up to be. Wethought we should run this idea up the flagpole hereat the Nationals Enquirer: The Baby is probably amember of the Screen Actors Guild, and has herown agenda in some of these medal ceremonies.The Baby has her own career to worry about. TheBaby probably has an agent already-- and maybesomething worse.

We put together a rough cut of the cover, with asmall picture of the Baby down in the corner andour usual suggestive call out. Just as we weregonna run with it, we got a call from the Babysmouthpiece, one Marty Schlemiel, Esq. of theCentury City office of a very influential law firm.He told us to kill the story if we didnt want to showcause in Superior Court in the morning. Crap! TheBaby wasnt happy with our investigative work,Marty said, She isnt happy with you guys at all.So we killed the story.

But we thought our readers would like to hear aboutsome other Babies that are the real deal. TheseBabies are the kids of Claudia Poll and Sara Nelson(nee Quan). We personally met these babies behindthe blocks, and we cleared the stories with theirMoms before we developed the photos. And just tobe sure the Babies wouldnt have Marty call us back on the carpet, we got the babies to sign releases.

(By the way, Claudia and Sara took gold andbronze, respectively, in the Womens 35-39 400 MFreestyle)


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A Knack for Being in the Right Place at the Right TimeIn a stroke of luck, Nationals Enquirer co-editor Robin Parisi managed to get herself on a relay team withtwo world record setters and a two-time Ironman World Championships finisher (who also seems to be apretty good sprint breaststroker). The upshot: a world record for Oregon Masters Swimming in theWomens 200-240 Medley Relay. Editor Parisis primary contribution? Her age at 54, she put thegroup over the top and achieved the 200 year milestone. Her relay teammates were so far ahead of worldrecord pace by the 150 mark that Parisi, swimming freestyle, could have completed the layout on thispage, swum her leg, and still broken the record.

(l-r) Karen Andrus-Hughes (51, WR 50-54 100 Back), Arlene Delmage (46, WR 45-49 100 Fly),Co-editor Parisi (54, excellent jumping-in-front- of-parade skills),

Becky Obletz (49, 2-time finisher Ironman World Championships)

Masters Nationals in the NewsAlthough he didnt attend a single day of the meet, Jeff Commings did a great job of summarizing the daily goings-on here in Oregon for Swimming World Magazine(www.swimmingworldmagazine.com ). Jeffs reports read as if he were actually here,

capturing more than just times and records, and making our four days in Oregon sound a lotmore exciting than the meet going on simultaneously in Beijing. Check out Jeffs dailysummaries to find out more about the 86 world and national records that were broken duringthe meet, making the performances here as sizzling as the 100-plus degree weather.

This publication (if you want to call it that) is not the official, or any, communication of USMS, OMS, Mt. Hood CommunityCollege, or any other responsible organization, nor is it a communication attributable to the Meet Directors, who are men of fewwords (but mighty deeds in most situations). This publication is intended solely as entertainment by athletes, for athletes. Theopinions expressed by the editors and contributors are entirely their own, God help them. Other editions available at www.lcnationals.2008.net
http://www.swimmingworldmagazine.com/http://www.lcnationals.2008.net/http://www.lcnationals.2008.net/http://www.swimmingworldmagazine.com/


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600+ meals aday? Piece of cake!

Grilled salmon,omelets, freshOregon berries; whowas in charge of hospitality?

Did you say deeptissue torture ormassage?


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Find videos of your racesatwww.nwgamefilms.com

Another day,another bribe.

Hey guys! Thislanes empty!

I wish Id worn mysuit from

EQswimwear.com !


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Im going to DQ theOregon relays fordelay of meet andutter chaos in handingout relay cards!


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I would have kickedyour butt in the 200breaststroke.

Pussy. You didnteven enter the

meet.

What happenedwith that 1500 fly Iheard about didyour BlueSeventyspring a leak?

THANKS MASTERS SWIMMERS FORCOMING TO OREGON!SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

the nationals enquirer - final

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