: ONO’S BIRTHDAY BASHCRAFTY SUPERMARKET 86

SURVIVING THANKSGIVING

NOVEMBER 21 - 27 | 2012

: ONO’S BIRTHDAY BASHCRAFTY SUPERMARKET 86

SURVIVING SURVIVING THANKSGIVINGTHANKSGIVING

NOVEMBER 21 - 27 | 2012

TNR’S guide to getting past being grateful (Page 2)

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Thanksgiving is allegedly about being grateful for all the things in your blessed life, but we all know it’s really about gluttony, fighting with your relatives, watching football and drinking inordinate amounts of alcohol.

So, we here at The News Record would like to offer you this guide to getting through the celebration of one of America’s most infamous slaughters. Enjoy, folks, see you on the other side.

He’s the guy who showed all the boys in the family pornography way before they were ready. This guy makes racist jokes, waxes misogynistic about the “broads” and usually shows up drunk at noon.

Let him be, this guy was getting in bar-room brawls before John Travolta was the “Drug Store Cowboy” — pick your battles if you want to live to see Christmas.

She is grateful for all the “peace” in the world, and hopes those “war criminals” in Israel stop killing the militants. Unfortunately, she left the sanity train a long time ago and still thinks there’s hope for the world.

Keep drinking, soon enough you won’t be able to understand her. Either way, she’ll be the first one fed to the zombies.

OperatiOn: thanksgiving survival

So you’ve been put in charge of carving a turkey...

Consider this a time trial and your first test as a functioning adult. Be sober or a highly dexterous drunk before setting out.

Cut the meat horizontally into strips that look suitable. Eyeball it. Be sure to save the scraps and mess-ups for the most disliked person on the list to the left.

Cut down the middle of the bird, gently prodding it with a fork in your other hand. Remove any arrow tattoos that the bird got in its rebellious phase.

Hold the knife awkwardly and push toward your hand. Make sure your fingers aren’t tucked in, as blood is a suitable substitute for cranberry sauce.

Cut off the rest of the extremities, keeping a careful eye on the wishbone so that you too may wish for fortune by breaking the bones of your slain enemy.

With the assumption that you’ve seen “Dexter,” take a knife and make an incision that goes into the meat delicately, with purpose, holding the bone as you do, pulling it away. If it is befitting, make eye contact with a member of your family and smile slightly as you do so.

(Graphic from MCT, text by TNR.)

A GRAPHIC GUIDEDEALING WITH THE USUAL (FAMILY) SUSPECTS

The LiberaL, hippie aunT

The drunk, Lascivious (racisT) uncLe

She’s the 14 year old who makes hashtags about the rest of the people on this list. She takes selfies with the turkey and wears her bun way too high.

Ask her to do this dishes, and she’ll bring her cellphone with her — even if the water splashes. She stays mostly to herself. All you need to do is stay out of the background of her pictures.

The TeenY-bopper TeXTer

In battle, there is collateral damage. Those who are caught in the crossfire are often those who neither deserve nor are asking for it. They deserve our sympathy if not anything else.

Be there to comfort the innocent, for they may one day become one of those on this list. Plus, it’s never too early to let your little cousin know what Wild Turkey 101 is.

The innocenT

He’s the pretentious 27 year old who majored in philosophy and graduated in ’08 but doesn’t have a job.

He brings a Tofurkey. His pants are tighter than your high school girlfriend’s (or sister’s), and he wears skullcaps inside for some reason.

He somehow has an opinion for every topic and it’s miraculously always the opposite of everyone else’s.

Basically, he’s one more thanksgiving away from no longer being invited and he’s three weeks away from moving back in with his parents.

You don’t with this guy. Either that or drip turkey blood and giblets on his Radiohead T-shirt.

The ‘Genius’ phiLosopher

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Our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are

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BENjAMIN GOLDScHMIDT chief reporTer

University of Cincinnati President Santa Ono celebrated his 50th birthday Monday at the Sheakley Athletic Center by hosting a fundraiser for the new Veterans One Stop Center.

Though Ono’s birthday is not until Friday, hundreds of faculty members and students came to celebrate and donate to the cause. Various restaurants and catering companies — such as Skyline, Papa Johns, Graeter’s and Funky’s Catering — donated food to the university.

“I’m simply overwhelmed, and I’d like to say that the best birthday present I could ever have is to become president of UC,” Ono said. “I hope that a lot of people have fun and that we support the veteran’s center like it deserves to be supported.”

Approximately $30,000 was raised for the veterans’ center before the ceremony began, Ono said.

Deborah Merchant, associate vice president of student affairs and services, talked to the crowd about the recently opened veteran’s center and how it will help students returning from military service.

“Four years ago, our university anticipated

the influx of student veterans to our campus, and so a task force was assembled by the office of the provost to make UC the preeminent destination for veterans,” Merchant said. “At this time, we have over 1,200 veterans choosing to enroll here at UC.”

Ryan Hays, UC’s executive vice president, said this style of fundraiser has been done in the past with other faculty members’ milestone birthdays.

“Instead of just all getting together and celebrating [Ono’s] birthday, and then we all leave and nothing is better as a result, we decided no, wouldn’t it be great to get all these people together and use that as a launchpad to raise money for — in this case — the veteran’s center,” Hays said.

Emmalee Reiser, director of veteran’s affairs for student government, thanked Ono for his continuous support of veteran’s issues on behalf of student government, veterans and ROTC students.

“It’s because the donations and the good work that happens at that center that the men and women who have chosen to serve our country can receive a world class education and college experience at the hottest college in America,” Reiser said.

@PrezOno at 50President’s birthday bash benefits

Veterans’ one Stop center

TYLER BELL | STAFF PHOTOgRAPHeR

BEARcATS’ FIRST FAMILY president Santa ono with his wife and daughters Monday.

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www.butler.edu/mfa-writing

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DANI KOKOCHAK SENIOR REPORTER

Handmade craft vendors traveled from across the county and country Saturday to share their art with customers at Crafty Supermarket, an annual holiday craft show.

From 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., Ohio residents made their way to the Clifton Cultural Arts Center (CCAC) to socialize, shop and see what new products the indie craft market had to offer.

Co-founded in 2009 by Grace Dobush, Crafty Supermarket began as a book release party for her fi rst book, Crafty Superstar.

“We wanted to put together a craft show because there hadn’t really been an indie craft show in the area. We got together applications and picked out 15 vendors, and then about 1,000 people showed up,” Dobush said. “The response was just amazing.”

Since then, the show has grown to include over 50 vendors with close to 3,000 shoppers in attendance. Eager buyers lined up outside CCAC Saturday morning, waiting for the doors to open.

“It is fun to come out to see craft shows like this. Seeing the way people reuse and recycle material to make a craft is great,” said Linda Seyfried, a shopper from Fairfi eld, Ohio.

The Crafty Supermarket was featured in Country Living Magazine as one of seven “must-know” indie craft shows across the country.

Open to the public twice a year, with a holiday show and a spring show in April, the show supports artists and local businesses, providing growth for the local economy.

“There is also an aspect of conscientious consumerism that is there too. It’s so easy to buy a bunch of stuff at a store for super cheap, but it’s different when you’re buying things somebody made by hand and get to meet them in person,” Dobush said. “It’s a super rewarding experience

for the shopper and the seller.” Customers admired and purchased artisan crafts from

hand-blown glass and printed posters to handcrafted jewelry and clothing.

“You should always be buying local — it’s the right thing to do. It’s amazing. I am so happy they have this show,” said Penny Poirier, a shopper from Cincinnati. “It makes you feel like you don’t live in a city.”

Hands-on craft stations were set up throughout the show for the imaginative at heart. Local food vendors set up outside the center to provide hungry shoppers with a tasty lunch.

“The food is wonderful. The fi rst thing we did was eat lunch. Now we are shopping, and it’s great,”

said Lora Johnson, a Cincinnati shopper.Vendors’ colorful craft table set-ups displayed the pride in what

they do and what they make. Customers were tended to with

a warm smile, despite the busy atmosphere and heavy crowd.

“This gives exposure to local makers and reminds people that they are important to buy from,” said Alisha Budkie, vendor

and co-founder of Crafty Supermarket.

Close to 200 applications from vendors are received per

show, and only 50 are selected for each show. About 50 percent of vendors

come from Ohio, and the other 50 percent come from elsewhere in the Eastern United States, Dobush said.

“We just try to be super organized and make the day as easy for our vendors and customers as possible. I can’t help but think that the thoroughness shines through,” Dobush said.

The spring Crafty Supermarket show will take place April 27, 2013 at the CCAC.

CRAFTY SUPERMARKET

-Penny PoirierCincinnati Shopper

You should always be buying local — it’s the right thing to do.

ALEX SCHROFF | STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER

CRAFTY BUYS Coutney Fischer, top right, displays hand-made jewerly forged in her backyard garage studio at Clifton Cultural Arts Center Craft Fair. Rows of tables lined the main hall of Clifton Cultural Arts Center on Noevember 17, 2012.

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TYLER BELL SENIOR REPORTER

The clichéd nerd convention — complete with star trek references and oversized man-babies quibbling over starship specifications — is firmly set in the American conscious, but when you actually go to a convention you might begin to suspect the nerd trope protects a well-kept secret.

For 12 years the SugoiCon anime convention has brought thousands of people together to celebrate their specific, alternative brand of culture. Despite what you might think, roughly half of the attendees were female and attended because they wanted to. After all, they had tickets to the best party in town.

The event contained a Samurai, a harlequin and a hodge-podge group of orange-horned devils

in black T-shirts guffawing and jostling with each other, speaking in references so vague they might mean anything at all.

Dressing up as characters from popular media is one of the biggest aspects of the convention culture — and the one people on the Internet love to lampoon the most — but inside the convention, the quality of your costume is a status symbol. It’s a marker of your dedication, and lets other anime fans know they’re somewhere they can express themselves.

“Anybody can be a nerd and it’s not a bad thing anymore — the subculture reflects that,” said Rob Lewis, 33, of Omaha, Neb. “Twenty years ago you wouldn’t see this kind of unity. People this flamboyant, this outgoing, the way you do now.”

TYLER BELL | STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER

COMIC CONVENTION CELEBRATION Attendees of the SugoiCon anime convention filled the hallways of Kentucky’s Drawbridge Inn, dressed up as their favorite characters from popular media.