the power of asking the best questions for successful adr’s marilee adams, ph.d. inquiry institute...
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The Power of Asking the Best Questions for
Successful ADR’s
Marilee Adams, Ph.D. Inquiry Institute
ADR Lunchtime Series
Interagency ADR Working Group
Workplace Conflict Management SectionCopyright © Marilee Adams, Ph.D. Lambertville, NJ 2009
February 4, 2010
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Objective
Empower your ability to ask questions that lead to more successful resolutions:
Highlight the power and purposes of questions
Explore the connection between questions and results
Reinforce the mediation mindset
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Purposes of Questions
With a partner, take turns answering these questions:
In general, how many purposes can you think of for asking questions?
In ADR’s, how many purposes can you think of for asking questions?
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Power & Purposes of Questions
• Resolve problems• Evaluate, assess, and critique• Set and accomplish goals• Clarify and confirm listening • Negotiate and resolve conflicts• Focus attention• Create and innovate – open new possibilities• Catalyze productive and accountable conversation and action
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Power & Purposes of Questions
• Gather information• Build and maintain relationships• Communicate and have conversations• Learn and Teach• Reflect• Think critically, creatively, and strategically• Discover and challenge assumptions• Make decisions and choices
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Questions, Behavior, & Results
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Learner/Judger Self-Questions Judger Learner
What’s wrong with me? What’s right? What works?Whose fault is it? What am I responsible for?How can I prove I’m right? What are the facts?How can I be in control? What can I learn?Why are they so clueless? What are my choices?How will this hurt me? How can this be useful?Why is he/she so stupid What is he/she thinking, & frustrating? feeling, & wanting? Why bother? What’s possible?
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Learner/Judger Mindsets
Judger Judgmental, dismissive Reactive, automatic “Know-it-already” Blame Either/or thinking Inflexible and rigid Own point of view only Fears differences Defends assumptions Primary mood--
protective
Learner Accepting, discerning Responsive, reflective Values not-knowing Responsibility Both/and thinking Flexible and adaptive Multiple perspectives Values differences Question assumptions Primary mood--
curious
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Learner/Judger Relationships
Judger Win-Lose relating Separates Listen for:
Agree or disagree Right or wrong
Debate Feedback = rejection Wants to be right Seeks to attack or is
defensive
Learner Win-Win relating Connects Listen for:
Facts/perspective Learning/usefulness
Dialogue Feedback = helpful Wants to understand Seeks to resolve and
create
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Learner/Judger Communication
Judger
Destructive Conflict Win-Lose relating Separates Listen for:
Agree or disagree Right or wrong
Debate Feedback = rejection Wants to be right Seeks to attack or defensive
Learner
Constructive Conflict Win-Win relating Connects Listen for:
Facts/perspective Learning/usefulness
Dialogue Feedback = helpful Wants to understand Seeks to resolve and create
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The Choice Map™
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Switching Questions
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Choice Map Practice
How could you use the Choice Map in ADR
situations?
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Great results
begin
with great questions!