“the program director and i used to talk about what was wrong with the world and we used to say...

“The program director and I used to talk about what was wrong with the world and we used to say that if somebody could just hold these kids hands sometimes…

…not drag them along, but just walk with them…

…maybe a lot of them would find their way.”

– Mentor, Washington D.C., in Stand By Me

MENTOR

Stand/Support = Mentoring Relationship

The Picture = Showcasing the Youth

What does it mean to us?

Why?

“Humans seem happiest and able to deploy their talents to the best advantage when they are confident that, standing behind them there are one or more trusted persons who will come to their aid should difficulties arise.” – Bowlby, in Herrerra, et al., 2000

African Proverb

A person becomes a person through other people.

MENTORING:What you should know

4. Using The Program

1. The Foundation of Mentoring: The Relationship

2. Understanding The Youth

3. Understanding Your Role As A Mentor

THE RELATIONSHIP

Any impact a mentor might have on the youth will happen through the relationship.

– Rhodes, J.E., 2002

THE RELATIONSHIP

The key that will open the door to a relationship between the mentor and the youth is TRUST.

THE RELATIONSHIP

“Remember the Titans” clip:(titans1)

THE RELATIONSHIP

Who do you trust?

Why do you trust them?

THE RELATIONSHIP

To build an effective relationship, the youth and the mentor need:

• Commitment

• Humor• A connection

• Respect• To feel liked

• Understanding

• Mutual trust

THE RELATIONSHIP

Effective mentor relationships are:

• Nonjudgmental• Nonthreatening

THE RELATIONSHIP

A mentor IS a:

– National Mentoring Partnership

• Friend• Cheerleader• Listener

• Self esteem booster• Wise and trusted teacher

• Coach• Link to other cultures, attitudes, and behaviors

• Tutor• Role Model

THE RELATIONSHIP

• Savior• Parent• Therapist• Parole Officer• Cool Peer

A mentor is NOT a:

THE RELATIONSHIP

"Big" clip here:(big)

THE RELATIONSHIP

Balance between thought and emotion:Not becoming lost in the relationship, but also not being too distant

Relationships are strengthened by

EMPATHY

What is empathy?

THE RELATIONSHIP

Empathy does not mean telling deep dark secrets

or solving the youth’s problems.

THE RELATIONSHIP

This relationship is not about the youth

understanding you. The youth should be the

focus. However, there should be respect and caring on both sides.

THE RELATIONSHIP

“Freak the Mighty” clip here:(max caine2)

THE RELATIONSHIP

END OF RELATIONSHIP

SECTION

THE RELATIONSHIP

UNDERSTANDINGTHE YOUTH

Before you can teach me,

you have to reach me.

Characteristics Of Youth

• Social

• Emotional

• Physical

• Mental

UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH

Choose “Sandlot” (sandlot)or “Simon Birch” (simon birch) clip here:


“Home Alone” clip here:(home alone)


Social Issues Facing Youth

• Family: Economics, Lifestyle, Single Parent

• Teen Pregnancy

• Gangs

• Drugs

• Pressure: To Fit In, To Succeed

• Eating Disorders

• Bullies


“Christmas Story” clip here:(xmas 2)


Personal IssuesFacing Youth• Depression

• Physical Appearance

• Suicide

• Losses

• Identity


FORTY ASSETS YOUTH NEED TO SUCCEED


A mentor can help them connect with other adults, especially their parents.

How can a mentor be an asset?


How

Good mentors help the youth feel worthy of love.


“Shrek” clip here:(shrek2)


“The Looking Glass Self”Imagine looking into a mirror that only showed your faults (real or perceived). What would you start to believe about yourself?

If a mentor views a youth positively, they can start to change the youth’s view of herself.

What type of mirror will you be for the youth you mentor?

“Shrek” clip here:(shrek3)


END OF UNDERSTANDINGTHE YOUTH SECTION


“We may never achieve what we want to accomplish if we don’t have someone in our life who has already found what we are striving for.”

– Orel Hershiser

UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR

1000 students were asked to name their

hero: 4.7% = an actor

16% = a parent

15% = an athlete

6.8% = a religious leader

6.4% = a musician

21% said no one!

3.2% = a teacher

0.7% = a businessleader

0.3% = a politician

0.2% = an activist

The Mood of American Youth ( National Association of Secondary Schools 1996)

5.5% = a friend


Who Was Your Role Model?


As a role model for your youth, there is a factor that is very important to be successful:

Not disappointing the youth.


“Bagger Vance” clip here:(bagger4)


Role Model

Mentors can be a role model of:


Qualities of a good mentor 1. Advocate

2. Communication 3. Provides new experiences 4. Consistency 5. Humor 6. Empathy


Advocate: intermediary, speaker, motivator, adviser, patron, vindicator.

1. ADVOCATE


"He tells my parents how I took every class he taught. He tells them, "You have a special boy here." Embarrassed, I look at my feet. Before we leave, I hand my professor a present, a tan briefcase with his initials on the front. I bought this the day before at a shopping mall. I didn't want to forget him. Maybe I didn't want him to forget me."

Advocate

Tuesday’s With Morrie - Mitch Albom


Good communication is based on listening.We have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we talk.

2. COMMUNICATION


How well do you listen?


Good Listening Skills

Empathy


Requesting Concreteness



Owning Thoughts and Feelings



Providing New Experiences

3. PROVIDING NEW EXPERIENCES


The Zone of Proximal Development

A psychological stretch:

It’s beyond what a young person can do on his or her own, but within range of what he or she can do with the help or guidance of an adult.


“Bagger Vance” clip here:(bagger 3)


What new experiences could you provide for your youth:


You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.

– Bill Cosby

4. HUMOR


“Christmas Story” clip here: (xmas story)


•Not sympathy•Balance•Understand•Restate

5. EMPATHY


Consistency

6. CONSISTENCY


Specific qualities that youth want in role models change. However, what they always list as the most important characteristic is consistency.


Make a habit of two things:

to help, or at least to do no

harm. – Hippocrates


END OF UNDERSTANDINGYOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR

SECTION


USING THE PROGRAM

YFP Goals

1.Improve academic performance

2.Increase interpersonal skills3.Strengthen family

relationships

USING THE PROGRAM

PROGRAM COMPONENTS

1.Mentoring2.4-H3.Family Night

Out

USING THE PROGRAM

Expectations/Commitments

1.Meet once a week2.Family Night Out - once a

month3.4-H - once a month4.Monthly reporting5.Monthly training sessions

USING THE PROGRAM

YFP Tools

1.Mentor Handbook2.Youth Manual/Mentor

Companion3.Connect Curriculum4.Bi-monthly activities

planned by YFP staff5.4-H materials for projects

USING THE PROGRAM

Your Protection1.Insurance during, to and from all

YFP activities (secondary liability)

2.Reimbursement for mileage when necessary

3.Reimbursement for out of pocket expenses (check with Site Coordinator)

4.Additional training5.Continual staff support

USING THE PROGRAM

Legal & Liability Issues1. Confidentiality2. Don’t take the youth to your home3. Respect your family’s values and privacy4. Notify parents and seek their permission

for each activity or interaction5. Be wise in planning activities6. Exercise caution7. Report the suspicion of the following:

-abuse-threat of suicide-threat of homicide or threat to another

USING THE PROGRAM

Reports

1.Internet or hardcopy monthly report of time spent with youth

2.Yearly progress evaluation

USING THE PROGRAM

Mentor Goals1. Meet on a regular basis once a week

for approximately one year.2. Provide asset specific activities for

each visit.3. Help youth complete at least one 4-H

project that has county fair involvement.

4. Bring youth to the quarterly service projects.

5. Have youth and family attend monthly FNO.

6. Become fully trained by attending monthly training sessions.

USING THE PROGRAM

Who are your staff?

1. County agent:

2. Site coordinator:

3. Assistant site coordinator:

USING THE PROGRAM

END OF USING THE PROGRAM SECTION

USING THE PROGRAM

“the program director and i used to talk about what was wrong with the world and we used to say...

Documents

relationship slide

youth slide

mentor slide

mentoring relationship

effective relationship

youth family

end of relationship

mentor need