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THE PROMISESTHE PROMISESTHAT FEELING OF USELESSNESS AND SELF-PITY WILL DISAPPEAR

Do you remember my good friends Uselessness and Self-Pity? They were once very important to me, especially around Christmas and Hanukah when all those goodies were around me in our house? That is when we used to go on our long overeating binges: from soup to nuts, we never, ever got full. We used to see normal people take a few bites and announce proudly, “I am so full and can’t eat another bite,” when we only had gotten started eating all that good stuff. We did our best eating during those holidays. When everyone else was talking, laughing, hugging and kissing each other and opening and sharing gifts, Uselessness and Self-Pity were huddled in a dark corner of my mind hating with me and waiting for them to leave and the house to be empty and quiet so we could get back to our joyous mindless eating. Devouring all the good foods all by myself in complete and total isolation, those were the times to do some serious eating damage to little Sylvia. Afterwards, I would feel deeply sorry for myself and tell myself to stay away from those two bums Uselessness and Self-Pity, but every time I felt anything, good or bad, I would immediately look to my friends for comfort. Needless to say, Uselessness and Self-Pity were always there for me. The very minute I felt joy, happiness, sadness or anger, the same feelings of Uselessness and Self-Pity joined in with me and stayed until I finally came out of my food-induced fog. I just could not get out of myself long enough to attempt to be happy because of irrational fears that Uselessness and Self-Pity would take my happiness away. It was many years later, after I had found OA, that I learned that living without fear was possible, that I was not alone and that, if I practiced the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in my life and lived by them the best I knew how, I could get rid of those two old friends that had been such a shield for me. As I practiced the Twelve Steps, uselessness and self-pity began to take on a new meaning for me: they became less a part of my life because I was moving into a new space and beginning to like where I was going. I am not saying, “And I lived happier ever after.” No way: it was extremely hard to give up the only friends I had ever known and replace them with a purpose in life and self-worth. When I think of the way I once was, I like to refer back to “How It Works,” Chapter 5, page 59 in the original AA Big Book, where it says, “But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!” It took me a good while, but eventually I found Him, my HP. We still enjoy Christmas, Hanukah and other holidays in my home, but uselessness and self-pity are just memories from the past. Today the holidays contain so much fun and enjoyment, and, yes, I am talking, laughing, hugging, kissing others, opening and sharing gifts of love. Oh, I almost forgot: Uselessness and Self-Pity have disappeared.

— Sylvia H.

Holiday bonus:extra page

in this issue!

Metro Memo — December 20112

THE TOOLS

A Year of Abstinence: One Day at a TimeEach day that I abstain from compulsive overeating is 100 times better than any day I spent in the food. And now to have over 365 days of abstinence would logically make this the best year of my life. I’m here to confirm that it was.

On September 26th, 2011, I celebrated one whole year of back-to-back abstinence. This includes an abstinent birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s...you name it. Pre-OA, I could hardly contemplate a day without an abundance of sweets, so if you had told me I’d make it through my birthday without cake, Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie, Christmas without cookies, I’d have told you were crazy, that you should give up fortune telling and stick with your day job.

Yet, over a year later, I’ve never been so happy to have been proven wrong. It’s possible! That which I could not do for myself for a decade, God has done for me in a year. What’s the secret? Even with all my one year celebration talk, it’s always been one day at a time. The only way I ever got through these nebulous holiday times was by reframing them: it’s just another day. Another day of abstinent meals. Of picking up the phone and calling fellows when I felt overwhelmed. Of writing, reading, being of service. I’m spiritually fit when I’m connected to the world outside of myself and to the needs of the people around me. When I’m of service, cakes, pies and candy have no sway over me. Because it was never what I truly wanted anyway. What I really wanted, and, more importantly, what I really NEEDED, was to be filled by the love and care of those around me. I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything and I hope to have many more abstinent years ahead of me— one day at a time, of course.

— Kaitlin S.

The Little BookI’ve used For Today, our little white daily book, ever since I came into recovery in 1997. I love how it’s worn out, how the spine is coming apart, and how it’s full of folded-down pages from those “aha” moments. As time goes on, I find nourishment from entries that did not strike me the last time, so that nearly half of the pages are “dog-eared.”

When I went with my husband recently to visit my uncle in Connecticut, For Today was one of the few books I took. Every morning, just as if I had been at home, I was reminded of such truths as “We may with advantage at times forget what we know” (October 27) and “The longer I am abstinent, the more experience I acquire in the art of living and the more I am able to give myself and others” (October 29).

If the entry for a given day does not inspire me, I can go to my dog-eared favorites or check the subject index in the back. Under “Habit”, I will find a reference to Mark Twain’s wonderful dictum, “Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window…but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” Under “Twelve-Step Program”, I am referred to pages that clarify what the program does, how to approach it, and what part I play as opposed to God and other people - pages which also provide strong encouragement to start and to persevere.

Indeed, the “little book” is one of the best tools OA has to offer.

— Barbara D

A Happy Holiday to All, a Day at a Time!I have been blessed with an incredible abstinence by a Power greater than myself, my Higher Power! A day at a time, I got through October. It wasn’t always that way, at least, not the first 43 years of my life! Halloween was a “special occasion” where I had every good reason to indulge. I ate my way through October. Next is Thanksgiving, the BIG one. Oh boy, my head really found justification for eating whatever I wanted. After all, didn’t everyone indulge on that day, and then eat the leftovers the next day, and the next? Next up was Christmas, with its assorted traditional foods and desserts to indulge in. By the way, much of my family is now deceased due to their “celebrations” with food and other substances. Lastly, there’s New Year’s Eve, complete with all the foods I indulged in while celebrating. With gratitude, I have Happy Holidays today in recovery. A day at a time, I always keep my Higher Power with me. A day at a time, my plan of eating food doesn’t change. There are no special foods for special occasions. As a matter of fact, let me redefine “special occasion.” A special occasion occurs every morning when I wake up comfortable in my body, free from the bondage of the mental obsession that was coupled with the physical allergy. Every day, armed with Twelve Steps, slogans, HP and Fellows, is a holiday. OA has given me the gift of life, and that is something to celebrate. A day at a time, I wish you all an abstinent holiday season. Perhaps if I continue to think of a holiday as another day when I receive another precious day of life from my Higher Power, I can remain in serenity and gratitude for a life I never knew could exist for me a day at a time.

— Andrea F.

Metro Memo — December 2011 3

WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS— Howard S.

Christmas in December/Xmas GooseChristmas is coming, and the goose is getting fat, please put a hot, juicy, fat dumpling in this compulsive overeater’s mouth. That is how I used to read it, so consumed with food thoughts that I could change the lyrics to holiday songs to reflect my insane overeating mood.

Ninety percent of my compulsive overeating started with the fear of not getting enough food to eat in a household of 12 people. Daddy and Mom loved to eat the parts that no one wanted, but they loved. The fact that they loved and enjoyed those bony parts made me want to eat them even more, and when normal girls were thinking about liking boys or sneaking out with a boy, I was dreaming about the dessert that my mom made from snow and wishing on a star that it would snow again so that I could eat more of it.

I became slightly interested in music when I heard “Lonely Tear Drops” over the radio. I was convinced that the singer was singing to me, so I turned the radio up and started to dance, not aware that my brother Honey Bear was watching a football game at the same time. So he raised the volume on the TV, then I raised my volume on the radio until he decided to hit me right between my eyes. I staggered to my chair crying and told him that I was going to tell Mama on him when she got home from food shopping. When Mom and Dad arrived home with the food, I helped them to put it away and sat around in the kitchen until my mother started to cook dinner. After dinner, I walked up to the Super Market, bought myself a fruit-flavored soda and a super-sweet bun and lay under the walnut tree, stuffed and in a blackout until Daddy called me in for a cold glass of water.

That was the beginning of my awareness of isolation and not trusting people, and of not allowing myself to feel or be free. So now here I sit, rubbing the keys on my keyboard, thinking that it feels as if it were only 24 hours ago that I met Bill. That was the best day in my entire life because Bill was also waiting for the goose to get fat so that he could drink the Goose. He showed me “How it Works” and said something about “One Day at a Time” and get yourself a “Higher Power”, one that is greater than you, and you will be ok. My name is Sylvia H. and I am a compulsive overeater. That’s me, and I love it. There is no more waiting to know myself. The pathway to recovery was very simple: all I had to do was take the first step into self-awareness. Faith is the substance of things not seen; remember when they say act “as if”; put HP first in your life, and soon faith comes also through hearing the words of “How It Works”.

What I have attempted to say here is that all the winter holidays were etched into our hearts as requiring the ingestion of food in order to enjoy good times. What I have learned in OA is that the holiday celebrations are not just about food. Food has its place, but, for me, using any excuse to eat is an invasion into my space. I am no longer a child: I can take care of myself and accept responsibility for being who I am.

— Sylvia H.

Metro Memo — December 20114

When I’m struggling, what helps me most is. . .

n Writing a gratitude list.n Saying “HP help”; then calling another OA member and say, “How are you today?”n Going to a beginners meeting and hearing how bad it was before OA.

METRO INTERgROUP - working for us

Opportunities for Service: The Outreach Committee needs help returning phone calls to those not currently in OA; Contact outreach@oanyc.org.

Print Spanish-language flyers and post them in your neighborhood; available at http://www.oanyc.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Comida-es-un-Problema-Para-Ti-NYC2-e1311942077573.jpg.

The Publications Committee can use your talents! Contact publications@oanyc.org.

Do you have experience with WordPress, simple HTML coding or MSWord? Contact webcoordinator@oanyc.org.

Become your meeting’s designated downloader of MetroMemo, meeting lists, etc.; any costs incurred may be paid out of the meeting’s treasury. Info: http://www.oa.org/pdfs/dd_flyer.pdf.

Become your meeting’s contact person for World Service: help out-of-town visitors and others get up to date info about meetings. To update your meeting’s info with World Service, use this link: https://www.oa.org/meetings/change-form.php.

The Thursday 6 p.m. ‘Double Winners’ meeting at All Angels Church, 251 West 80 St., needs your support! The church has been allowing this meeting to continue for months without being able to meet rent charges. We were recently informed that the church cannot afford to do so any longer. Urgent support is needed if the meeting is to continue!

Resources: Struggling members are encouraged to reach out to the 12th Step Within Committee at 12Step@oanyc.org or (347)433-5876. Besides lending a loving ear, we work very hard to keep current telephone numbers and e-mail addresses of members willing to take your calls and emails, members available for “Night Owl” calls, as well as available sponsors.

Did you know that you can subscribe to an electronic copy of Lifeline, the OA magazine, for only $13? Info here: http://www.oa.org/lifeline-magazine.

Please remind members that they can ask questions of our intergroup’s trustees by submitting a question to the Ask-It Basket: http://www.oanyc.org/metro-intergroup-info/ask-it-basket.

Check OANYC.org for more details about everything above!

Upcoming Meetings: Intergroup: December 8, 2011 Publications: First Wednesday of every month Special Events: December 7, 2011 Finance: First week of January 2012

Upcoming Retreats and Special Events: December 11, 2011 (2 p.m. to 5 p.m.): Nourishing the Spirit Dec 9th and 16th, 2011 (6 p.m.): Big Book Event; more info at http://www.oanyc.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/But-Im-not-an-Alcoholic.pdf January 1, 2012 (2 p.m. to 5 p.m.): Recovery from Relapse / Abstinence 3.0 January 20-22, 2012 (Friday to Sunday): “Back to Basics, Back to Life” is this year’s winter retreat theme. Registration is OPEN!

MEETINg SPOTLIgHTAbstinence in Grace, Monday 6:30 p.m. A refreshing new meeting in Brooklyn Heights. It starts with five minutes of meditation, which helps me to feel grounded and connected to the group. Then, there’s a reading from the Abstinence book, or a tradition on the first Monday of the month. The reading has increased my awareness about abstinence and the traditions. After the reading, there is ten minutes of writing followed by sharing. While writing, I get to reflect on the reading. I usually share what I wrote, and enjoy hearing what others have written. Using the tools of OA is an important part of my recovery. This meeting gives me the opportunity to use the tools. I really like the format and the location. What is especially nice is that it’s different from any other meeting that I’ve been to. Check it out! I know you’ll keep coming back.

— CarolAnn S.

The Biggest Loser: OA Style (with apologies to Tradition Twelve)

(Scene: A television studio filled with audience members. George, the M.C. stands in front of three contestants. Fred, the Announcer, speaks from off stage.)George: Welcome to “The Biggest Loser.” Fred, who are our contestants tonight?Fred: George, let’s welcome Tammy B. from Brooklyn, Bobby C. from Manhattan and Mary D. from Staten Island. George: Welcome, contestants. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourselves? Tammy - What diet do you use?Tammy: Oh, I don’t use a diet.George: You don’t?Tammy: No. I don’t believe in diets.George: (slightly confused) Uh, okay. Then, tell us how much weight you’ve lost this week.Tammy: I don’t know. One day at a time.George: (dazed) Thank you, Tammy. Ah, moving right along, Bobby, how much weight have you lost since you first appeared on our show?Bobby: Not an ounce!George: What?Bobby: But, I had an abstinent week, and I finished my Fourth Step inventory last night!Tammy: Thanks for sharing, Bobby!Mary: Way to go, Bobby!George: Huh? But, what about your personal trainer? Didn’t you meet with him this week? You were supposed to see him once a day.Bobby: Oh, no. As a former exercise compulsive, the only help I need is checking in with my Higher Power for strength before I take my daily 30-minute walk.George: (visibly shaken) Uh, Fred, why don’t you tell our contestants about the prize we have for this week’s winner; I mean, “loser”?Fred: Be happy to, George. Tonight’s winner will receive a shopping spree at Bergdorf Goodman and a facelift and tummy tuck from Dr. Vance, plastic surgeon to the Stars. Back to you, George.George: Okay, contestants. Mary, tell me. What’s the first thing you’ll do if you win tonight’s competition?Mary: Oh, George, I don’t “do” competitions. I ask my Higher Power for sanity. Progress, not perfection!George: But, surely you care about how you look to others? What about the cosmetic surgery?Mary: What others think of me is none of my business.Tammy: Thanks for sharing, Mary.Bobby: Keep coming back!George: (screaming) What is wrong with you people?!!! Don’t you care about what others think? (to Tammy) You! Don’t you want to show everyone how much weight you’ve lost? (to Bobby) And you! Don’t you want attention and recognition? (to Mary) Don’t you want to be perfect? Tammy: Acceptance, George. I want my insides to match my outsides.Mary: It’s all about acceptance.(George the M.C. lunges at Mary. Two stagehands quickly appear and remove him.)Fred: And now a word from our sponsor. (Cut to commercial) — Debbie

A Year in RecoveryOn Christmas Eve, I will have stepped into the rooms for the first time exactly one year ago. How has my life changed? I am not even 1/4 of the way through, and I am amazed. I recently turned over my second step and my life is changing before my eyes. I have new or deeper awareness in almost all aspects of my life. Truths that I wasn’t willing or able to hear a year ago, even six months ago, I can hear now because of this program. I am making better choices for myself, in the people who I spend my time and thoughts with (the incessant obsession over emotionally unavailable people has been lifted to a great degree) and in the way I treat myself and my body. I never thought that I would decide whether to go to the gym on any given day based on a gentle assessment of how my body felt, rather than the number of times I was “required” to go each week in order to control my body and my weight and my anxiety. I never dreamed that I would be satisfied with and be able to follow a food plan that included three meals and one snack for the day and that’s “all”. I also never imagined I would be praying every morning and be in touch with my Higher Power--if you had told me that a year ago, I probably would have laughed in your face. Amazing how much recovery has changed me. And I am so grateful for it. — Emily

From Food Addiction to Recovery and Then Some

A woman from Brooklyn grew up as a food addict She was abused by her family and drugged till she panicked

She lied, cheated and caused lots of trouble And did everything she could to stay in her bubble

She moved to Manhattan, her addiction expanded Drugs, sex and foul play she demanded

Her constant companions were anger and fear She screamed with self-pity but no one would hear

She tried harder and harder demanding her way and couldn’t figure out why nobody would stay

Then one day everything turned black In the darkness she knew how her cards were stacked

A flicker of light, a thought passed through “Please help me dear God, it must be you”

The light has grown brighter and different rules are in play Honesty, love and unselfishness rule the day

Her constant companions are honesty and love The story continues, and she shines like a dove

— Anonymous

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