the pulse 9.20 » may 17-23, 2012

May 17-23, 2012

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Free & Saucy! IN SEARCH OF THE LEGENDARY

sauceburger

CLUB caPTaINsNEW SERIES pROFILESTHE pEOpLE bEHINDTHE CLubS AND vENuESWHO GuIDE CHATTANOOGA’SLIvE MuSIC SCENE

AN EpIC JOuRNEY FROM EAST RIDGE TO bRAINERD

MuSIC

NIgHTFaLLCONCERT SERIES RETuRNSWITH STRONG LINEup

ARTS

DeeP ‘MuD’A pOWERFuL NEW pRODuCTIONFROM THEATER FOR THE NEW SOuTH

chattanoogapulse.com • MAY 17-23, 2012 • the pulse • 3

EDITORIALPublisher Zachary cooperCreative Director Bill RamseyContributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsnychuck crowder • michael crumb • John DeVoreRandall gray • Dr. Rick pimental-habib paul hatcher • Janis hashe • matt Jones • chris Kelly D.e. langley • mike mcJunkin • David mortonernie paik • alex teach • Richard WinhamCartoonists max cannon • Richard Ricetom tomorrowPhotography Jason Dunn • Josh langlesha pattersonInterns Katie Johnston • patrick noland • cole Rose

ADVERTISINGSales Director lysa greer Account Executive Rick leavell

CONTACT Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335Email [email protected]@chattanoogapulse.comGot a stamp? 1305 carter st.chattanooga, tn 37402

LETTERSplease limit letters to 300 words or less. letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

ThE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer media and is dis-tributed throughout the city of chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concen-trating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. no person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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ChattanoogaPulse.com • Facebook.com/chattanoogapulse

Club Captains• Richard Winham profiles mike Dougher of Rhythm & Brews, the first in a series on the people who guide chattanooga’s live music scene. » 6

Since 2003

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

IN SEARCH OF THE LEGENDARY

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HIGHLIGHTSMAY 17-23, 2012 • vOL. 9 NO. 20

Nightfall Returns• the 24th season of the downtown concert series opens with a strong lineup. By Richard Winham » 11

On the cover: Mike Dougher • lesha patterson

Deep ‘Mud’• new production offers powerful, challenging evening of theatre. By Janis hashe » 14

ARTS

FEATURE

MUSIC

4 • the pulse • MAY 17-23, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

“When I moved back to Chattanooga in 2001, it was a fairly bleak scene for young writers,” he says. “There were some good agencies and some good corporate posi-tions, but to a large degree the best op-tion was to leave and pursue fortunes in bigger bergs. Eleven years later, things are very different. Amazing work is being

done right here, more writers are involved in generating social good and impacting business than ever before.”

Ludwick is not a native Chattanoogan, but his wife is, and the allure of the city drew the couple back. Today, Ludwick oversees 26 Tools, a branding firm that develops communications platforms,

strategies and tools that connect busi-ness with creativity. He is also the author of “The First Time She Fell,” a collection of short stories that includes illustrations and designs by current or former Chatta-nooga artists published earlier this year and profiled by The Pulse in February.

Ludwick is also seeking to unify the Chattanooga creative community—or at least get most of them together in one room on a routine basis.

“There still isn’t a lot of collaboration between writers as a group,” he says. “As someone who has built a career on team-ing up with social entrepreneurs, VPs and CEOs, other writers and especially graphic designers, I’d love to see Chatta-nooga’s best brand thinkers get together more often.”

To that end, Ludwick is speaking on Thursday, May 17, at Gaining Ground, 55 E. Main St., as the guest of the local chapter of the American Institute for Graphic Arts. During his free talk, “Why I’ve Stayed in Chattanooga,” which begins with a beer-aided mixer at 5:30 p.m., Lud-wick will share his own advice, philoso-phy and story with designers and writers. After his presentation, he’ll host an open-ended discussion with participants.

“I’m hoping for some open dialogue about how we, as creatives, can push each other to better work—even when we’re competing for jobs,” he says.

Writers and designers are the twin en-gines that fuel creative projects in both the public and private sectors, and Lud-wick is perhaps the perfect instigator. His topics range from the whimsical to the practical, and he’ll also explain why he turned down two Leadership Chatta-nooga nominations and a Yale graduate program, all in one half of an hour.

There is little to lose and much to gain from this event. As Ludwick points out, there was once little to meet about in Chattanooga. In a growing creative com-munity, sharing experience and ideas benefits everyone and the opportunity for like minds to interact trumps com-petition and may even bring financial re-wards through collaboration.

If you are a creative professional in Chattanooga, we encourage you to take part in this intriguing event.

—Bill Ramsey

TALK OF ThE NOOGChATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • FACEBOOK/chattanoogapulsesenD letteRs to: [email protected]

THEBOWLStay, CreateBuilding creative collaboration in the Noogit wasn’t long ago that a creative professional in chattanooga had few employment options. If there was a vibe, there were few jobs and the compromise made the move to Nashville, Atlanta or farther away even more appetizing. Thankfully, that’s less true today, says Caleb Ludwick, a globe-trotting writer and copywriter who moved back to Chattanooga after years away from the city.

EVENTS


Let’s start with the light stuff, in which Sheriff Jim Hammond literally sued his own men “to prevent a trend of having to equalize pay for everyone.” (Insert awkward pause here.)

I have my usual research in front of me to flesh this out a bit with dates and details, but what more do I really need to say? He took this to the State Supreme Court on May 3.

Just three days earlier, on April 30, in a separate issue, Hamilton County Assistant District Attor-ney Steve Smith filed a motion in Sessions Court to reinstate a case against one Lonnie Hood, who had charges stemming from a traffic stop and arrest for resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. Why do I bring this up, you ask?

During the stop that led to Hood’s New Year’s Eve arrest, the arrest-ing officer was given the CLASSIC speech of “Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?” by Hood.

This did not have the desired effect (which is generally the case, if you were wondering), but un-like others, when Hood ar-rived at the jail, the (liter-ally) self-proclaimed “Top Cop” in Hamilton County personally called the jail he oversees to have this man give him a call. Short-ly thereafter, the sheriff calls on-duty Magistrate Sharetta Smith asking that she allow Hood to be released without having to make a bond (known as “Own Recognizance”). Like the arresting officer,

I believe she smelled the home cooking and gave him $2,000 in bonds like she would anyone else that didn’t have the sheriff in-tervene on their behalf.

Hood goes on to court and is found guilty by Ses-sions Court Judge Clar-ence Shattuck, who gives him seven days of commu-nity service as a sentence (the same as any other citi-zen). And, unlike any other names he could produce, the Constitutional Officer again steps in and asks Hood to spend those seven days in the actual sheriff’s department buildings do-ing work for him.

Why is all this perti-nent? Because Lonnie Hood was federally in-dicted on Dec. 9, 1997, for charges that included distribution of steroids, smuggling tobacco, jury tampering, escape efforts, transfer of counterfeit money, money laundering (to the tune of $1 million), obstruction of justice, in-timidation of witnesses, perjury and tax offens-es—all while working for Hammond since 1991.

Besides serving five-and-one-half years in pris-on, Hood also forfeited more than $250,000 in assets that were ultimately (and ironically) dispersed amongst the Hamilton

County Sheriff’s Office and both the Chattanooga and Red Bank Police De-partments. (Betcha’ forgot that part, guys.)

I’m spelling this out to show that this was no “aberrant behavior,” dear readers.

And finally, when Ham-mond expressed towards disappointment in this in 1998, Hood had the au-dacity to retort, “All I can say is a man who lives in a glass house should not throw stones … I’m sure you can figure out what I mean. That’s all I am go-ing to say about it for now.”

So what does the Con-stitutional Officer do? He has this same man work on his 2008 election cam-paign and gives him the hookup during his recent arrest. Suspicious yet?

My point is this: The sole reason Jim Hammond is sheriff is because his pre-decessor (Billy Long) is sitting in a federal prison for, among other things, corruption in the vein of extortion, drug dealing and associating with fel-ons. Sound familiar?

This is our sheriff—the best we can do. And rather than operate differently, he suggested we express our concerns with our votes.

Speaking as a trained investigator and a citizen, I have to agree. Do you?

The Best We Can Do?On the Beat ALEx TEACh

Alex Teach is a full-time police officer of near-ly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alex.teach.

i was going to write a bit on the hamilton county sheriff’s office this week, but in a rare fit of problems I normally consider “good to have,” I don’t know where to start.

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the dave matthews band was the most popular touring act in the first 10 years of this century, grossing well over $500 million. But earlier in their career when they came to play in Chattanooga for the first time, they made $500. On April Fools Day in 1994, the band played for fewer than 100 people in the basement of The Sand Bar. It was six months before the release of their first album for RCA, Remember Two Things, an album they had re-leased on their own Bama Rags label that had been getting heavy airplay on college radio

Club Captains

We’re not sure what the exact formula is, but we fig-ure it goes something like this: For every dozen or so tribute bands and party acts he books at Rhythm & Brews, Mike Dougher, the impresa-rio behind the curtain at the popular downtown

club, can afford to book a group or performer of musical significance that may not exactly net the club a full till. Most recently, Dougher has brought such bands as Trigger Hippy, featuring Joan Osborne as well as other well-regarded musicians who complete the “su-per group,” to town. And while Osborne had to bow out at the last minute to perform at the funeral services of the late Levon Helm (a circumstance that was highly excusable, even while we were very much looking forward to seeing her), the band played on and is an example of Dougher’s booking philosophy. The man who brought some significant acts to Chattanooga at the late Sand Bar prior to the development of the downtown music scene continues to bring a selection of excellent bands and performers to Rhythm & Brews in between large blocks of high-quality cover bands which, it must

be said, offer a really great time for those simply out to dance and party. Dougher is unapologetic, and rightly so. He might rath-er be booking the type of bands that routinely play JJ’s Bohemia, but then again, he understands his demographic. With this pro-file, Pulse music columnist Richard Winham embarks on a series of interviews with Chattanooga’s “Club Captains,” the owners and managers who book the bands that fuel the city’s club music scene. That scene can be basically defined by four downtown nightclubs—Rhythm & Brews, the live-music instigator of a revived downtown; JJ’s Bohemia, the CBGB of Chattanooga where one can often see up-and-coming bands before they break; Track 29, the new pow-erhouse venue bringing an eclectic slate of emerging acts and hot new bands to town; and The Honest Pint, the Irish pub that rou-tinely brings intriguing and uncommon acts to these parts. Be-ginning this week with Dougher, these profiles are intended as a behind-the-scenes look at the venues and how and why the owners and managers select the acts they choose to rock the Scenic City. —The Editors

Rhythm & Brews’

Mike DougherOur series of profiles on the people behind Chattanooga’s music scene begins with Mike Dougher of Rhythm & Brews, who says, “A lot of people don’t understand why we book what we book, whether it’s an ’80s cover band or … you know, I’ve heard all those songs enough, but it’s fun. We’re not selling anything but fun.’ But those fun bands also allow Dougher to book such acts as the California Guitar Trio, where the ‘odds of doing well are probably slim,’ he says, ‘but it’s important to do. It’s important to bring to the city.’

Profile by Richard Winham • Photo by Lesha Patterson


stations. Getting DMB at that point was a major coup for Mike Dougher, who had been booking bands into the tiny riverside restaurant for a couple of years at that point, and it was the first of many musical victories he has scored in Chattanooga.

But it might never have happened had Dougher’s friends not finally talk-ed him into joining them in running the restaurant. Born in New York, Dougher moved to Chattanooga in the late 1960s to attend UTC. After gradu-ation he went to work for a prep school in Nashville as a social worker, where he loved his job.

“It was wonderful,” he recalled. “I learned a lot about what life is like out there for kids.”

But while he may have been hired as a social worker, Dougher spent much of his time acting as the school’s social director.

“I was always the guy who wanted to set up the music for the party,” he said.

Dougher moved back to Chatta-nooga in 1988, but he’d just gotten married and had no interest in work-ing in a restaurant. Friends kept ask-ing, and eventually he relented. But it wasn’t long before his first love and talent for booking entertainment re-surfaced, and he began pressing the owners of The Sand Bar to add music to the menu.

“I said, ‘If you’ll let me play a little bit, I might could expand what we do.’ I didn’t really know what I was do-ing, but I listened to everybody that came in, what kind of music they liked. Eventually, I sorta figured it out.”

Dougher found his dream job at just the right time. He remembers it as a “great time for music … the early ’90s in the South.” He approached the job from the perspective of a fan and for a long time he had the freedom to re-main one without worrying about the bottom line. Operating a tiny budget, he booked many young bands just be-fore they broke. He wasn’t making a lot of money, but he and other music fans frequenting the place were having a great time.

“The first show we did with Hootie and the Blowfish, there were maybe 30 people there,” he recalled. “It was the only show I ever did for free.”

True, but several successive shows sold out as word spread. Dougher went on to introduce local audiences to doz-ens of great bands, including Medeski, Martin and Wood, Gov’t Mule, The North Mississippi Allstars, Left-

over Salmon and a very young Derek Trucks.

“He was 14, and his parents would come up with him,” Dougher said. Be-tween sets, Trucks and Dougher trad-ed baseball cards.

For Dougher, the ’90s were a dream decade. “I used to say at The Sand Bar that I was there to introduce people to new genres of music, new bands—say-ing, ‘Just trust me, this’ll be cool!’— and for the most part it worked out pretty well.”

When The Sand Bar closed, Dough-er moved downtown and tried to do the same thing at a new club called Rhythm & Brews.

“But it just wouldn’t work,” he said. “I mean, I tried, but it’s just different. The building is different. Big River owns us, prices are a little higher, parking—everything about it was different.”

Being a fan is fun, but Dougher found being a businessman more chal-lenging. While The Sand Bar acted as a small-scale champion of up-and-coming bands, the diversity of the au-dience downtown demanded a more democratic approach that includes an emphasis on the familiar. Enter cover bands and tribute acts.

“A lot of people don’t understand why we book what we book, whether it’s an ’80s cover band or … you know, I’ve heard all those songs enough, but it’s fun. We’re not selling anything but fun. We’re not pretending to be any-thing other than a place that you can come and have a great time—and they have a great time.”

Dougher may bow to the bottom line more often these days, but he’s still very much a fan. And if the club is bet-ter known as a haven for tribute and party bands, the success of these acts allows Dougher to take chances with others he finds artistically important.

“If we sell out with a particular act (a cover band), it affords me the oppor-tunity to bring in Ritchie Havens or California Guitar Trio, or something like that where the odds of doing well are probably slim, but it’s important to do. It’s important to bring to the city.”

The California Guitar Trio drew 50 or 60 people to the club for a return appearance a few weeks ago. But for Dougher, it was “probably the best night of the year. It was amazing.”

Coming next in the Club Captains se-ries: Adam Kinsey and the rise of Track 29.


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MUSIC

The Rough & Tumble• Folk, indie-rock from Nashville. 9 p.m. • the honest pint35 patten pkwy. • (423) 468-4192thehonestpint.com

EVENT

Lookouts home Game• Chattanooga vs. Huntsville Stars. 7:15 p.m. • at&t Field • 201 power alley(423) 267-2208 • lookouts.com

THu05.17

FrI05.18MUSIC

Cusses• Big beat, indie-rock from Savannah. See Sound Check, Page 13.8 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia231 e mlK Blvd. • (423) 266-1400

EVENT

heartwood Music Festival• Four-day music festival in South Pittsburgh. 6 p.m. • 8700 Battlecreek Roadsouth pittsburghheartwoodbattleofthebandsandfest.com

saT05.19MUSIC

Space Capone• Funk, R&B, soul from Nashville.10 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews221 market st. • (423) 267- 4644rhythm-brews.com

EVENT

Richie holliday• Laid-back, quirky stand-up comedian. 10:30 p.m. • Vaudeville café138 market st. • (423) 517-1839funnydinner.com

»pulse WEEKEND PICKS

THELISTmay 17-23CaLENDaR

»pulse PICK OF ThE LITTER: hUNTER MUSEUM

ThESE UNITEDSTATESTUE 05.22• “Novelistic songs packed with dense narratives and loose, ragged-edged folk, rock and Americana,” says NPR. Opening for The Heartless Bastards.9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews221 market st.rhythm-brews.com

the hunter museum turns hard Rock cafe this week.

Well, sort of. the muse-um is hosting “Rock the Bluff: a sound and Vision party” to celebrate its new exhibition, “sound and Vision: monumental Rock and Roll photogra-phy,” featured last week in the pulse.

the party kicks off at 7 p.m. with food, drinks and music provided by the nim nims, and the

museum is even en-couraging you to wear your favorite rock ‘n’ roll t-shirt, surely a first for an art museum, proving the hunter likes to party when the time is right.

Besides the party, of course, you can also tour the exhibit, a stun-ning collection of rock photography that loosely follows the music’s his-tory, with images from some of the best photog-raphers in the business,

including the portrait of David Bowie (above) by mick Rock. organized by the columbus museum in georgia, the exhibit continues at the hunter through aug. 12.

Rock the Bluff: A Sound and Vision Party$25/$30 • 7 p.m. Friday, may 18hunter museum10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968huntermuseum.org

Rock the Bluff

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musician and recording engineer Steve Albini once wrote, “The male-fe-male relationship, as a subject for song,

is thoroughly bank-rupt,” and indeed it’s hard to defend the dire state of popular-song lyric writing today. So, it’s refreshing to encounter a band that actually strives to distinguish itself by being a bit on the oblique side and

not going into well-trod lyrical territory, such as the San Francisco trio Grass Widow. Its name, which is a term for an abandoned wife, also represents some-thing that is not in plain sight, and the title of the group’s latest album, Internal Logic, refers to a line of reasoning that makes sense to one person but does not to any outsiders. Fans of Grass Widow’s previous efforts will likely enjoy Inter-nal Logic also, although it’s a tad more difficult to decrypt, with a sonic mix that does not always clearly distinguish the lyrics. As before, the outfit employs a perky, tight, upbeat pop style that seems to draw from ’90s influences and a little bit of late-’70s post-punk attitudes.

Grass Widow has an economy of sound, with hardly a wasted note, and guitarist Raven Mahon tends to pluck single notes, rather than going strum-happy, to mark her path. However, on tracks like “Under the Atmosphere” and “Milo Minute,” Mahon meanders in an ear-catching way for non-modal jaunts that defy expectations. Bassist Han-nah Lew carries a similar energy but with more structured note patterns, and drummer Lillian Maring com-pletes the sound-mesh with insistent, spirited beats, clearly coming from a self-taught performing background. All three women are singers, and perhaps the most immediately charming aspect of the group is the choirgirl-esque har-monizing.

In enigmatic form, Internal Logic has musical punctuation, beginning with out-of-context electronics, ending with the solo piano piece “Response to Photographers,” and featuring a nylon-stringed solo guitar piece right in the center; it might not make sense, but that’s not necessary.

Read more reviews by Ernie Paik on-line at chattanoogapulse.com.

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Many of the acts on this year’s schedule are young, still relatively unknown bands building a buzz. The opening show last Friday, for example, featured Alexis P. Suter, a young, Brooklyn-born, blues-rock-soul musician who caught a big break several years ago when the celebrated drummer, Levon Helm, began featuring her along with her band at his Midnight Rambles.

This week (Friday, May 18) the headliner is Seven Handle Cir-cus, a seven-instrument band from Athens, Ga., that features the mandolin, violin and gui-tar—but isn’t exactly a bluegrass group. Asked to describe the band’s music, guitarist Shawn Spencer told an interviewer on WABE, Atlanta’s NPR station, “We tend to have the energy of rock, modern music and rap ... We actually throw in rap songs pretty frequently.”

In the past year, they’ve shared a stage with rappers T-Pain and Yung Joc and they opened for

Mumford and Sons, who were ap-parently so impressed after hear-ing them in a restaurant that they invited them to play their open-ing act at the Fox Theatre earlier this year.

Listening to the songs on their just-released, six-song EP, Whis-key Stills and Sleeping Pills, it’s easy to understand the Mumford boys’ enthusiasm. The band’s mu-sic has the breathless energy and effortless melodicism that makes many of the songs on the Mum-ford’s first album so memorable. It’s folk music played and paced like pop, but with the drive and energy of a rock band.

They’ll be followed on Friday,

May 25, by Elliott Brood, a three-piece band from Toronto. Like 7HC, the band is steeped in folk music, but they approach their Seeger-ish songs the way The Police played reggae: as a spring-board for a stomping, punky pop/rock and folk that mixes The Byrds airy harmonies with the high-energy thump of Springs-teen’s Seeger Sessions Band. Mark Sasso is the band’s singer and guitarist. His partners are Casey LaForet and Stephen Pitkin, who

used a suitcase for a snare until that proved (perhaps predictably) impractical. LaForet uses a foot pedal that makes his acoustic guitar sound like an electric gui-tar. A number of videos on You Tube show Sasso exhorting the crowd to join the band in a rau-cously enthusiastic sing-along. Miller Plaza will likely ring with upraised voices that night.

The first show in June (Friday, June 1) will be the last before the series takes a short break for Riverbend. Featuring the Honey Island Swamp Band from New Orleans, it promises to be the one of the best of the year. The band coalesced around singers and guitarists Chris Mule and Aaron

Wilkinson, who also plays man-dolin. Marooned in San Francis-co following Hurricane Katrina, the two musicians decided to put a band together after meet-ing up with two other evacuees, bassist Sam Price and drummer Garland Paul. They all knew each other from New Orleans, and al-most as soon as they began play-ing together they were offered a regular Sunday night gig at a club called The Boom Boom Room. They were a hit, and a local engi-neer offered to help them make a record. The resulting seven-song EP was so well received that they stayed together after moving back to New Orleans in 2007. After or-ganist Trevor Brooks joined the band in 2010, they began work-ing on their most recent album, Good To You, which became a big hit in their hometown thanks to regular airplay on WWOZ.

Their music is a mash-up of 1960s and ’70s sounds, includ-ing the rootsy blues of Beggars Banquet-era Stones, the chatter-ing conga-driven pop rock of the early Doobie Brothers, and the swampy funk of vintage Little Feat. It’s a sound that’s both fa-miliar and fresh from a band that will likely join that pantheon of performers who’ve made Night-fall a music lover’s delight for nearly a quarter of a century.

RIChARD WINhAM

Richard Winham is the host and producer of WUTC-FM’s af-ternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.

nightfall is back! despite its relatively paltry budget, Chattanooga’s free summer music series at Miller Pla-za has for 23 years brought bands of the caliber of Nickel Creek and Bela Fleck and the Flecktones (just before both broke wide open), as well as stellar musicians like Richard Thompson, Buddy Miller, Loudon Wainwright III, the legendary Latin pi-anist Eddie Palmieri and dozens of others to town who might otherwise never have played in Chattanooga.

Bigger is Better!

Downtown205 Broad Street

423.266.5564Mellow Mushroom Chattanooga

Mellow Downtown Expands!Mellow’s new expansion is open, adding 60 seats and more fun with a 161-inch drop-down HD screen and four TVs, along with dart boards and plenty of room to chill.

Nightfall Returns

Clockwise from top: Seven Handle Circus, Honey Island Swamp Band and Elliott Brood.


ThU 05.17Pierre Bensusan7:30 p.m. Barking legs theatre, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.orgSweet n Low Band8 p.m. the palms at hamilton, 6925 shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.comStephen Simmons, Leticia Wolf, Sweet GA Brown, Royal hounds, Longshot Saints8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400The Rough & Tumble, Long Gone Darlings9 p.m. the honest pint, 35 patten pkwy. (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.comSunny Ledfurd9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

FRI 05.18Seven handle Circus, Dismembered Tennesseans7 p.m. nightFall music series, River city stage at miller plaza, 850 market st. nightfallchat-tanooga.comhannah Thomas10 p.m. market street tavern, 850 market st. (423) 634-0260 Cusses8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400The FOG8 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Drive, Ringgold, ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.comMark holder9 p.m. the office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Soul Survivor9 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956

sugarsribs.comYacht Rock Schooner10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comBruce Chastain Band10 p.m. skyZoo, 5709 lee hwy. (423) 468-4533skyzoochattanooga.com.Bounty hunter Band10 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.comStokeswood10 p.m. Raw Restaurant & nightclub, 409 market st. (423) 756-1919

SAT 05.19Rock The Red Shield Concert1 p.m. coolidge park, 150 River st.(423) 756-1023Manifest8 p.m. the camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.comQueen B & The Well-Strung Band8 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Drive, Ringgold, ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.comAdam Klein and The Wild Fires10 p.m. market street tavern, 850 market st. (423) 634-0260hara Piper, Jenny Clower8 p.m. the office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Black Betty, Deep Sleeze, Voltage Cut9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Soul Survivor9 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.comGabe Newell and Muddy Soul10 p.m. t-Bones,

1419 chestnut st. (423) 266-4240tboneschattanooga.com Space Capone, Soul Mechanic10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comBounty hunter Band10 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.comStevie Monce10 p.m. Raw Restaurant & nightclub, 409 market st. (423) 756-1919 SUN 05.20

Animal Liberation Orchestra9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com Tommy Jett Reunion1 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com

MON 05.21Chattanooga All-Star Band7 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.comJoshua Powell & The Great Train Robbery7 p.m. the camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com

TUE 05.22Guilty Pleasures Dance Party9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400The heartless Bastards, These United States9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

WED 05.23Roger Alan Wade7:30 p.m. sugar’s

music ChATTANOOGA LIVE

Wednesday • May 16Woodford Sessions • Bearhound

Hudson KThursday • May 17

Sweet GA Brown • Leticia WolfRoyal Hounds • Stephen Simmmons

Longshot SaintsFriday • May 18

CussesSaturday • May 19

Black Betty • Deep Sleeze • Voltage CutTuesday • May 22

Guilty Pleasures Dance PartyWednesday • May 23

Endelouze • Two Bit CharlieBlackfoot Gypsies

Thursday • May 24Pierced Arrows • Don’t • Future Virgins

Possible Side Effects

MAY

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREETHOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD

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LIVE MUSIC

CHATTANOOGA

MAY 23: GRAYSON CAPPSMAY 24: TRUTH & SALVAGE CO.

19SAT.10pSPACE CAPONE

with SOUL MECHANIC

COMINGSOON!

17THU.9:30pSUNNY LEDFURD

AS MUCHFUNK AS YOUCAN STAND!

SUNNY MAKES GOOD TIMIN’ MUSIC!

YACHT ROCK SCHOONERSMOOTH SOUNDS OF THE ‘70s ALL NIGHT LONG 18FRI.

10p

22TUE.9:30p

HEARTLESS BASTARDSwith THESE UNITED STATES

20SUN.9:30pALOANIMAL LIBERATION

ORCHESTRA


Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected].

Joel Sullivan • Owner/Engineer Josh Chuma • Chief Engineer665 Patterson Ave. • Fort Oglethorpe • Booking: 423.260.1902

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901 Carter St(Inside Days Inn)423-634-9191

Thursday, May 17: 9pmOpen Mic

with Mark Holder

Friday, May 18: 9pmMark “Porkchop” Holder

Saturday, May 20: 9pmJenny Clower/Hara Paper

Tuesday, May 22: 7pmServer Appreciation Night

$5 Pitchers ● $2 Wells$1.50 Domestics

850 Market Street• 423.634.0260Facebook.com/marketstreettavern

Live MusicParty after Nightfall!

Friday • May 18 • 10pmHannah Thomas

No CoverSaturday • May 19 • 10pm

Adam Klein andThe Wild Fires $3 Cover

Nightly SpecialsMondays

50¢ Wings • $3 Yazoo

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Sound CheckFrI05.18

The Cusses• the cusses are a three-piece band hailing from savannah, ga., featuring angel Bond on vocals, Bryan harder on guitar and Brian lackey behind the drums. With guitar-driven hooks and Bonds’s powerful, engaging voice, the cusses have enough energy to fill a

stadium. the sound is unique in the musical landscape of the moment and it’s easy to imagine them getting some deserved attention with the brand of soaring rock ‘n’ roll they’re playing. live shows confirm their chops and impeccable sound.check out the band’s new single (and video), “Worst enemy,” which is

gaining momentum with regular spins as an mtV Video pick. overheard quote from their last appearance in chattanooga: “holy fuck! they’re awesome.” —Zachary cooper10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia231 MLK Blvd. • (423) 266-1400

PREVIEWS

Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956sugarsribs.comStrung Like a horse, Lacy Jo and The Accidental Circus6:30 p.m. Barking legs theatre, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.orgPrime Cut Trio8 p.m. the palms at hamilton, 6925 shallowford Road (423) 499-5055

thepalmsathamilton.comEndelouze, Two Bit Charlie, Blackfoot Gypsies8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Roxy Randall9 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.comhouse of the Rising Funk, The Velvet hand9 p.m. the honest

pint, 35 patten pkwy. (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.comGrayson Capps9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com


arts

By Janis hashe

mae, stumbling over the words at first, but increasingly confident, reads aloud about star-fish, which cannot see but can sense both light and dark, and hermit crabs, which sometimes are forced out of the “homes” they carry on their backs.

Both are apt metaphors in Ma-ria Irene Fornes’ 1983 play “Mud,” currently being given an atmo-spheric and powerful production by the Theater for the New South.

Cuban-American playwright Fornes, much more widely known in the theatre community than to the general public, is uninterested in linear storytelling. “Mud,” sub-titled “A Play in 17 Scenes,” is ex-perienced more as if the viewer is flashing in and out of the three characters’ bleak lives.

Mae and Lloyd are living to-gether in squalor in an unnamed place, which appears to be a farm, but from many references to a school, clinic and pharmacy, is close to a town of some kind. Lloyd is suffering acutely from something that causes both con-stant pain and impotence, but refuses to go to the clinic, so Mae goes alone, and returns not just with a pamphlet she cannot read (“It’s advanced and I am only in-termediate,” she says), but with

Henry, who reads better than she does but without much compre-hension. Mae, infatuated with what she perceives as his light into a higher life, invites him to

move in, kicking Lloyd out onto a blanket on the floor.

Fornes, now 82, has always been fascinated by the societal traps women that women face. Unblinkingly feminist, in “Mud” she shows us a woman struggling to better herself, only to be drawn back into the slime by the two men who need and use her. Subtlety is not the point here: Violent, ani-malistic, anti-intellectual Lloyd is also strong and a survivor; pseu-do-sophisticated Henry seems to promise hope and “grace,” only to deliver dishonesty and disgust.

But the play is enhanced by the deftness of this production. Au-diences look down into what ap-pears to be a dank pit, in which the characters are enclosed. Eerie original music in between scenes is by the extraordinary Tim Hinck, and occasional noise from the actual streets outside only adds to the ambient disconnect … where are these people? The lighting, by necessity very simple, is starkly appropriate.

Director Blake Harris has al-lowed the material to speak for itself, and encouraged perfor-

mances from his three actors that provide detail without veering into cartoon. Jeff Atkins as Henry enters oozing oily confidence, and his devolution into sluglike smar-miness after his “accident” is both repellent and compelling. As Mae, Whitney Turner shows us a wom-an who sees her life only too clear-ly. We care about Mae, root for her and are touched by her, even as we know she won’t succeed in emerg-ing from the mud. Matt Johnson’s visceral performance as Lloyd is perhaps the strongest of the three. We can smell this man as he leaps about his cage like an ape.

“Mud” is not the production for those who want only a light evening of diversion at the the-atre, but it’s yet another example of how Chattanooga’s theatre scene is evolving and diversify-ing. “Mud” was first presented at Southern California’s Padua Hills Playwrights Festival, which has fostered the talent of some of the West Coast’s most innovative voices. Bravo to the Theater for the New South for this challeng-ing choice.

“Mud” $10 • 8 p.m. • may 17-20collective clothing Warehouse4015 tennessee ave.Facebook.com/theaterforthenewsouth

ThEATRE

‘Mud’ is a challenging and powerful new production from Theater for the New South.

Nightfall. Southern Burger Co.Magical.Southern Burger Co. Food Truck at Nightfall every Friday!

Whitney Turner stars as Mae in “Mud.”

Some of Us Are Looking at the Starfish


ThU 05.17“Mud”8 p.m. collective clothing Warehouse, 4015 tennessee ave.Facebook.com/theatreforthenewsouthFireside Nights6 p.m. Rock city, 1400 patten Road(706) 820-2531seerockcity.comBicycle Maintenance Clinic: All About Brakes6 p.m. outdoor chattanooga, 200 River st. (423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.comSeafood Dinner at Greenlife6 p.m. greenlife grocery, 301 manufacturers Road (423) 702-7300tnaqua.orgSound and Vision: A Photographer’s View6 p.m. hunter museum of american art, 10 Bluff View(423) 266-0944huntermuseum.orgArtist’s Talk With Charlotte Riley-Webb6 p.m. Bessie smith cultural center, 200 e. martin luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658bessiesmithcc.orgPhotographic Society of Chattanooga Meeting with Larry Perry7 p.m. st. John united methodist church, 3921 murray hills Dr.

(423) 344-5643chattanoogaphoto.orgLookouts vs. huntsville7:15 p.m. at&t Field, 201 power alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comPierre Bensusan7:30 p.m. Barking legs theatre, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org

FRI 05.18“Mud”8 p.m. collective clothing Warehouse, 4015 tennessee ave.Facebook.com/theatreforthenewsouth Fresh on Fridays11 a.m. River city company, 850 market st. (423) 265-3700rivercitycompany.comNickajack Bat Cave Kayak Trip7 p.m. nickajack lake Bat cave, new hope(423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.comNightfall Concert Series7 p.m. miller plaza, 850 market st. (423) 265-0771nightfallchattanooga.comRock the Bluff: Sound and Vision7 p.m. hunter museum of american art, 10 Bluff View(423) 266-0944huntermuseum.orgLookouts vs. huntsville

7:15 p.m. at&t Field, 201 power alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com“Stellaluna”7:30 p.m. chattanooga theatre centre,400 River st. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com“A Doll’s house”7:30 p.m. ensemble theatre of chattanooga, 1918 union ave. (423) 987-5141ensembletheatreof-chattanooga.comRichie holliday9:30 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.comLandry10 p.m. the comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

SAT 05.19“Mud”8 p.m. collective clothing Warehouse, 4015 tennessee ave.Facebook.com/theatreforthenewsouth Tour de Cure Chattanooga6 a.m. First tennessee pavilion, 1801 carter st. (865) 524-7868diabetes.org/tour5th Annual Children’s hospital Dragon Boat Festival

8:30 a.m. chattanooga Riverfront, Riverfront pkwy. (877) 580-7223chatt.racedragonboats.comBattlefield Bicycle Tour9:30 a.m. chickamauga Battlefield, 3370 lafayette Road(706) 866-9241chickchatt.orgSuper Snakes10 a.m. tennessee aquarium, 1 Broad st.(800) 262-0695tnaqua.orgRiver Market10 a.m. tennessee aquarium plaza, 1 Broad st. (423) 402-9960chattanoogamarket.comArt til Darknoon. Winder Binder gallery & Bookstore, 40 Frazier ave. (423) 413-8999winderbinder.wordpress.comRock The Red Shield1 p.m. coolidge park, 150 River st. (423) 756-1023csarmy.org“A Doll’s house”2 p.m. ensemble theatre of chattanooga, 1918 union ave. (423) 987-5141ensembletheatreof-chattanooga.com“Stellaluna”2:30 p.m. chattanooga theatre centre, 400 River st. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com

arts Entertainment&

SUMMER GUIDEMAY 24

“She’s Fabulous, But She’s Evil” by Kelli Vance

CALENDAR


Movie Day!2:30 p.m. the public library-eastgate Branch, 5705 marlin Road ste. 1500(423) 757-5310lib.chattanooga.govSpirits In The Wild7 p.m. chattanooga Zoo, 301 n. holtzclaw ave. (423) 697-1322chattzoo.orgLookouts vs. huntsville7:15 p.m. at&t Field, 201 power alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comLandry7:30 p.m./10 p.m. the comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.comA Night to Remember: 25th Anniversary Fundraising Gala8 p.m. chattanooga convention center, 1150 carter st. (423) 463-0687anighttoremember.orgRichie holliday10:30 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.com

SUN 05.20“Mud”8 p.m. collective clothing Warehouse, 4015 tennessee ave.Facebook.com/theatreforthenewsouth Day Out With Thomas9 a.m. tennessee Valley Railroad museum, 4119 cromwell Road

(423) 894-8028tvrail.comStrawberry Festival11 a.m. chattanooga market, 5711 ooltewah Ringgold Road(423) 402-9960chattanoogamarket.comLookouts vs. huntsville2:15 p.m. at&t Field, 201 power alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com“Stellaluna”2:30 p.m. chattanooga theatre centre, 400 River st. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com“A Doll’s house”6:30 p.m. ensem-ble theatre of chattanooga, 1918 union ave. (423) 987-5141ensembletheatreof-chattanooga.comLandry8 p.m. the comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

MON 05.21“Two Winters in a Tipi” An Evening with Mark Warren6 p.m. outdoor chattanooga, 200 River st. (423) 643-6888outdoorchat-tanooga.comLookouts vs. huntsville7:15 p.m. at&t Field, 201 power alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com

TUE 05.22Launch Party for

new Sequatchie Cove Cheeses5:30 p.m. 212 market Restaurant, 212 market st. (423) 265-1212212market.comClassic Literature Book Club6 p.m. pasha coffee & tea, 3914 st. elmo ave. (423) 475-5482pashacoffeehouse.com

WED 05.23Main Street Farmer’s Market4 p.m. 325 e. main st.mainstfarmers-market.comWine Wednesdays5 p.m. Back Inn café, 412 east 2nd st. (423) 265-5033bluffviewartdistrict.com2012 Big Orange Caravan-hamilton Co. UT Alumni Chapter5:30 p.m. chattanooga convention center, 1150 carter st. (423) 756-0001chattanoogacon-ventioncenter.org“Kaddish for a Friend” Jewish Film Series Film #17 p.m. Jewish Federation of greater chattanooga, 5461 n. terrace Road(423) 493-0270jewishchattanooga.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected].

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parodied to an exces-sive degree. Wes Craven’s “Scream” picked the genre apart, introducing main-stream audiences to the various rules and conven-tions before finally falling victim to its own mockery by making four sequels. It takes a special talent to breathe life into such a thoroughly massacred style.

Enter the writing team of Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard, who seem to have a strong love/hate re-lationship with the genre. In “The Cabin in the Woods,” the duo take the conventions of the slasher movie, give elaborate, nonsensical reasons for them, and in the process create a genuinely engag-ing film-going experience.

The premise of the film centers on a secre-tive government agency, an agency with massive underground facilities around the world, which entices the youth of the world to isolated loca-tions in order to elimi-nate them one by one us-ing various supernatural forces. The American team, led by the wonder-ful Bradley Whitford and my favorite “that guy” ac-tor Richard Jenkins, is in charge of this year’s mur-der. Our teenagers are the normal stereotypes, care-fully selected by the team. The narrative is told from both perspectives. We see the action as it happens to

the young victims, and we see the behind the scenes manipulations by the or-ganization.

The filmmakers do a good job of both creat-ing and relieving tension. Most audiences have seen enough slasher movies that they detach them-selves from the charac-ters at the onset of the film. The filmmakers en-courage this detachment by showing the deaths as routine within the agency, freeing the audi-ence to look at the genre from a new perspective. This clean, voyeuristic perspective allows for a more aloof deconstruc-tion of the style than films like “Scream.” It gives the filmmakers a strong foot-hold for dark humor and sardonic wit while main-taining the gory, “jump

out and grab you” types of scares the genre is known for.

“The Cabin in the Woods” is meant to both take slasher films to task for unoriginality and show a genuine love for the genre itself. It includes reference upon reference upon reference to the ti-tans in the genre—the filmmakers know their subject matter well. It may be a bit too meta for some audience members, but with such a perva-sive and overdone style, a film with this much self awareness is an enormous amount of fun.

Slasher with StyleJOhN DEVOREScreen

the teenage slasher genre has been terrible for a long time. but it must make a good amount of money, because by my count there are: 14 “Friday the 13th” films, 12 “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” films, nine “Saw” films, six “Nightmare on Elm Street” films, and five “Final Destination” films. All of these movies have essentially the same plot and purpose. Only the villains and names of dead teenagers are different. They have even been

John DeVore will ap-pear on Channel 12 WDEF-TV’s “Prime News at 7” on May 16, 23 and 30 to discuss upcoming summer movies.

Fran Kranz stars in “The Cabin in the Woods.”


For a pre-teen boy in the early 1970s, a trip to The Burger House was like a visit to Willy Wonka’s burger factory. Shiny metal ma-chines with slow-moving con-veyor belts periodically pumped out wondrous delights. Steam rose from vats of bubbling brews and wondrous smells teased my cravings like Augustus Gloop at the Chocolate River. A man in a white paper hat would drop burg-ers onto one conveyor belt of the Insta-Broiler machine and the buns onto another. Time would stand still while I waited for the burgers to emerge from the other side and take a ride down their own little super slide into a pan of that legendary secret sauce. The sauce-covered patties were then slipped between the toasted buns and tucked into their own indi-vidual white sacks before being slid across the top of the broiler and bagged up to go. Once in-side my parent’s wood-paneled Caprice station wagon, I would ceremoniously slide the burger out of its wrapper and take in the moment like I had just unhooked

my first bra. The memories of those trips to The Burger House are special for me, my family and countless others who visited this legendary burger joint over the decades.

The Burger House was one of the original Burger King fran-chises opened in the late 1950s on Ringgold Road that changed its

name to The Burger House in the early ’70s due to a split with the growing fast food giant. Through the 1980s and into the 1990s, the restaurant went through a few ownership changes before clos-ing its doors for the final time. The building is still there, but it’s now a Dominos Pizza outlet. The french-fry eating squirrels that patrolled the parking lot are gone, as are the hair-netted ladies, both giving way to ambivalent teenag-ers making cheap pizza. But the saga of the sauceburger’s long, strange trip is definitely not over. This is clearly evident when you look at the “Bring Back the Burg-er House” Facebook group, where more than 1,200 Burger House sauce-freaks are still jonesing for the sauceburger monkey still on their tongues.

Their consistent, clarion call to bring back the sauceburger has been answered, but in a most un-expected way. David Spivey, the somewhat eccentric son of origi-nal Burger House owner Jack Spivey, teamed up with Matt Kerley to serve up sauceburgers for a mere $1 each at SkyZoo bar. If you‘re unfamiliar with SkyZoo, it’s the nightclub/tramp-stamp magnet on Brainerd Road in the old Red Lobster restaurant, an unholy marriage of the one-time king of middle-class dining and biker bar. It’s not the first place you would expect to find a clas-

sic like the sauceburger, but if you like your sauceburger with a shot of Jaeger and a game of pool, the kitchen is clean and the sauce-burgers are pretty close to what I remember.

But when any beloved classic attempts a comeback, there are detractors. Some have said that the SkyZoo sauceburgers aren’t the same as the originals, and un-fortunately I would have to agree; they are not exactly the same. But they are really close and they are really good and I will eat them ev-ery chance I get. The sauce itself had a familiar yet unique taste. A balanced hybrid of ketchup and barbecue sauce, it was tangy and sweet with a hint of smoki-ness that played well off the char-broiled burgers. Think sloppy joe sauce with an added kick.

The problem is that no one can ever reproduce the sauceburger

exactly as it was at the Burger House. It’s like trying to make the cornbread like your granny used to make. Even if you use the same brand of buttermilk and the same cast-iron skillet, it never seems to be as good as you remember—there’s always something that is missing.

After all of the interviews and the sackfuls of sauceburger re-productions I’ve eaten over the past couple of weeks, I’m still ultimately dissatisfied and dis-appointed. Trying to recapture those tastes from the past is like trying to recapture a past love or a past success—futile and frus-trating. The memories I have of The Burger House are not just memories of that taste, they are memories of being young and full of wonder, holding my parents’ hands while we ordered—it’s was the joy of doing something that was special to us. Removed from that context it’s just a burger with sloppy joe sauce. But to me and the thousands who grew up mak-ing The Burger House a regular part of our lives, it will always be something more. It will always be the sauce, the myth, the legend—the Sauceburger.

Sushi Biscuits MIKE MCJUNKIN &

Mike McJunkin cooks better than you and eats quite a bit of very strange food. Visit his Face-book page (Sushi and Biscuits) for updates and recipes.

In Search of the Legendary Sauceburgerwhat do you think of when you hear “sauceburger”? If you’re under the age of 35, the word sauceburger probably just sounds like some drunken EpicMealTime escapade. But if you remember the legend that was The Burger House in East Ridge, the sauceburger is synonymous with a beauti-fully simple, but simply delicious hamburger in a plain white wrapper.

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint

honest music local and regional showsWed, May 16

Thu, May 17

Thu, May 24

9pm

9pm

9pm

House of the Rising Funk with The Velvet Hand ($3)

The Rough & Tumble with Long Gone Darlings ($3)

Soul Mechanic with Courter, Clouse and King ($3)

Free Irish Music Sunday Nights at 7pm • May 20: Olta • May 27: Molly Maguires

Coming Sunday, June 10: Two Man Gentleman Band Early Bird Tickets $5 on sale now at thehonestpint.com

The SkyZoo Sauceburger

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SUMMER GUIDE 2012coming may 24

“She’s Fabulous, But She’s Evil” by Kelli Vance


Free Will astrology ROB BREzSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Is there a dif-ference in sound quality between relatively inexpensive modern violins and the multi-million-dollar violins created by master craftsmen in the 1700s? In research done at the Eighth International Violin Competition, most violinists couldn’t tell them apart. (Read more here: tinyurl.com/ViolinResearch.) In accordance with the astrological omens, Ar-ies, I urge you to do comparable tests in your own sphere. There’s no need to overpay for anything, either with your money, your emo-tions, your energy, or your time. Go with what works, not with what costs the most or has highest status.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If we thought of your life as a book, the title of the next chapter could very well be “In Quest of the Primal.” I encourage you to meditate on what that means to you, and then act accordingly. Here are a few possibilities: tapping into the mother lode; connecting to the source; communing with the core; returning to be-ginnings; seeking out the original; being in tune with the pulse of nature. Does any of that sound like fun? According to my reading of the astrological omens, you have a man-date to be as raw as the law allows—to be the smartest animal you can be.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A Russian woman named Marija Usova decided to go skydiving even though she was eight months pregnant. “I wanted my baby to have the beautiful feeling of flying through the air and free-falling before it was born,” she said. Soon after she jumped out of the plane and opened her parachute, she went into labor. Luckily, her daughter waited until she landed to be born. What does this have to do with you? I don’t recommend you do anything even remotely like what Usova did in the next few weeks. But do be alert for healthier, saner approaches to the basic theme, which is to be adventurous and wild and free as you birth a new possibility.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You spend nearly one-third of your life sleeping. For one-fifth of that time, you’re dreaming. So pretty much every night, you watch and respond to as much as 90 minutes’ worth of movies cre-ated by and starring you. Much of this foot-age is obscure and confusing and not exactly Oscar-worthy, which is one reason you may not recall many of the details when you wake up. But according to my astrological analy-sis, the immediate future could be different. Your dreams should be full of riveting enter-tainment that reveals important information about the mysteries of your destiny. Please consider keeping a pen and notebook near your bed, or a small recording device.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): It’s Oxymoron Sea-son for you. That means you’re likely to en-

counter more than your usual share of sweet and sour paradoxes. The logic-loving areas of your brain will almost certainly have to seek assistance from your non-rational wisdom. I’ll give you a heads-up on some of the lucid riddles you should be ready to embrace: 1. a humbling triumph; 2. a tender rivalry; 3. a selfish blessing; 4. an opportunity to com-mune with risky comfort; 5. an invitation to explore a relaxing challenge; 6. a chance to get up-close and personal with a long-distance connection. For best results, Leo, memorize these lines from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass and recite them periodically: “Do I contradict myself? / Very well then I contradict myself. / (I am large, I contain multitudes.)”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): There’s at least a 50 percent chance that the coming days will be over-the-top, out-of-the-blue, and off-the-record. I’m half-expecting florid, luscious, and kaleidoscopic events, possibly even rococo, swashbuckling, and splendifer-ous adventures. Are you ready for all this? Of course not. That’s the point life will be trying to make: nudging you to learn more about the fine art of spontaneity as you improvise your way through unpredictable lessons that will lead you toward the resources you’ll need to succeed.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Obsessions. Enchantments. Crushes. Manias. Fetishes. Some astrologers think you Libras are mostly immune from these indelicate but sometimes delightful modes of human ex-pression. They seem to believe that you love harmony and balance too much to fall under the spell of a bewitching passion that rivets your focus. I disagree with that view. It may be true that you’re better able than the other signs to be objective about your fixations. But that doesn’t necessarily dilute the inten-sity you feel when they rise up and captivate your imagination with the force of a thousand love songs. My advice? Have fun and stay amused.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “The chains that bind us most closely are the ones we have broken,” said Scorpio poet Antonio Porchia. In other words, the oppression from which we have freed ourselves may continue to influence us long after we’ve escaped. The imprint it left on our sensitive psyches might keep distorting our decisions and twisting our emotions. But I’m here to tell you, Scor-pio, that you’re entering a time when you have an enhanced power to dissolve the lin-gering taint your broken chains still impose. You finally have the resources and wisdom to complete the liberation process.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In the coming weeks, you will have an excel-lent chance to develop more skill in the art of

high gossip. High gossip has almost nothing in common with the mindless prattle that erodes reputations and fosters cynicism. It’s not driven by envy, pettiness, or schaden-freude. When you engage in high gossip, you spread uplifting whispers and inspirational hearsay; you speculate about people’s tal-ents and call attention to their successes; you conspire to awaken generosity of spirit and practical idealism. High gossip is a righ-teous approach to chatting about the human zoo. It might not flow as easily as the cheap and shabby kind—at least at first—but it lasts a whole lot longer and creates connections that help keep your mental hygiene sparkling clean.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Some-times I have a dream that seems cryptic or meaningless when I first wake up, but a few days later I realize it was a brilliant insight into what I most needed to transform about my life. If you don’t recall many of your dreams, that might not be a familiar experience for you. But you’ve probably had waking-life ex-periences with a similar arc. I predict you will be given at least one of those in the coming week. It may confound you while you’re in the midst of it, but will eventually reveal choice clues that have the power to change your life for the better.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You may not have heard about the “forbidden colors.” And you certainly haven’t seen them, even though they exist. They’re reddish green and yellowish blue, which the cells of your retina are not built to register. However, scientists have figured out a trick by which these hues can be made visible. A few lucky people have actually caught a glimpse of them. I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I sus-pect you are close to experiencing a meta-phorical version of this breakthrough—see-ing something that is supposedly impossible to see. (If you’d like to read more about the forbidden colors, go here: tinyurl.com/For-biddenColors.)

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “There’s no such thing as a wrong note,” said jazz pianist Art Tatum. “It all depends on how you resolve it.” Jazz trumpeter Miles Davis had a similar philosophy. “It’s not the note you play that’s the wrong note,” he said. “It’s the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong.” I think that’s an excellent understanding for you to keep in mind during the coming weeks, Pisces. Be wary of coming to premature con-clusions about alleged mistakes. Wait to hear the entire song and see the bigger picture.

Check out Rob’s expanded audio horoscopes at freewil-lastrology.com. Or call 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.


Jonesin’ Crossword

ACROSS1. One-named musician born in Kalamata6. “In the Valley of ___” (2007 Tommy Lee Jones film)10. Maligned clear drink of the 1990s14. Actor Delon15. What a link leads to16. Brown or Rice: abbr.17. It makes a Brit bright18. Go with the joke20. Hazy memory after a few rounds of drinks?22. President pro ___23. “The Jungle Book” snake24. Cry convulsively27. Former Cincinnati Bengal Collinsworth30. More unlike a chicken35. Painkiller-induced dreams, now for all to see?38. Literary detective’s outburst39. ___-Magnon man40. Cupid’s counterpart41. Did the candles

for your cat’s birthday party?46. On a smaller scale47. Timetable, for short48. Allow49. Eur. country51. “Got it!”53. Message that shows your car’s warning system is joking with you?60. 1985 sci-fi film with Dennis Quaid and Louis Gossett, Jr.62. Tropical vine63. Baby ___ (tabloid term for a celeb’s pregnancy sighting)64. ___-Seltzer65. Pull-down directories66. Tendency67. Loch ___ Monster68. Guns N’ Roses guitarist

DOwN1. Pensacola pronoun2. Matty or Felipe of baseball3. Grandmas, for some4. One of seven in a week

5. “Office Space” company6. “SportsCenter” network7. “Mystic Pizza” actress Taylor8. Sharp as ___9. Words before “Take a Walk on the Wild Side,” in the lyrics10. Yankee follower11. “Are you ___ out?”12. Like some keys: abbr.13. Part of GPA19. Dream interrupter21. Katz of “Eerie, Indiana”24. Need deodorant25. Word appearing twice after “Boogie” in a 1978 #1 hit’s title26. Sausages at picnics28. “Hedwig and the Angry ___”29. Belgraders, e.g.31. One of Geena’s “Beetlejuice” co-stars32. How some videos go33. Bring out34. Stopwatch button36. Printable files

37. Knight’s neighbor42. Family surname in R&B43. Sam & Dave hit covered by the Blues Brothers44. Peachy45. “The Hangover” actor50. One of many explored by Mulder and Scully52. She was “The Little Mermaid”53. Disaster relief org.54. Diamond heads?55. Tattoo parlor supply56. Meadows57. ___ Lang (“Smallville” role)58. Heavy burden59. Laundry60. Recede, like the tide61. “Rapa ___” (1994 movie about Easter Island)

MATT JONES

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For an-swers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0572.

“Triple Billing”—what if these bands played together?

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The tide of my hairline started to go out back in high school. Looking back at the old annuals, my sophomore, junior and senior pictures are like time-lapse photogra-phy of my follicles turn-ing into fossils. By the time I was 21, the long hair I was trying to sport started making me look more and more like Riff Raff from “Rocky Horror Picture Show,” so on the advice of whoever was cutting my hair at the time, I started trimming what was left high and tight against my skull.

I eventually shaved it all off and took on the Kojak look. People re-marked how the razor actually shaved years off of my overall appearance so I basked in the glow of my shiny noggin for sev-eral years. No more hair-cuts or shampoo, but the razor blade consumption proved to sidetrack any conceivable cost savings.

Nowadays, as you can see in the picture that accompanies this drivel each week, I have gone to the “beard and what-ever’s left up top” look. Since I’m middle-aged, this time the hair came back in a lot greyer than I remember. Some peo-ple now say this distin-guished change of scen-ery actually makes me look a little more like I know what I’m talking about (although we all know that’s just percep-tion), but the girls seem to like it though, so I’m

keeping it. As much as chicks say

bald men are sexy, we all know they like hair on a guy as thick and lustrous as their own, otherwise hair metal bands would be revered as sissies and never get laid. I mean if girls didn’t really care about hair on a guy, then they probably wouldn’t take their own quaff so seriously.

I know women who think nothing of driv-ing literally hundreds of miles and spending hun-dreds of dollars to have their do done by that one person who “gets their hair.” These girls have spent many years pains-takingly trying to find that one hair stylist who can cut their hair exactly the way they like it with unmatched consistency. So moving more than a couple of hundred miles away from this person once discovered is com-pletely out of the ques-tion. Until death do they part.

Guys could really care less about their own hair, generally speak-ing. They’ll let it grow out with wild abandon, comb it some screwed up way just to look silly and let anyone with a pair of

scissors or clippers have at it when they want a trim. It’s only when it comes to the facial hair that a guy gets serious.

Beard and/or mous-tache envy is a very real thing among the male species. Guys who can’t grow a good crop on the jaws typically feel emas-culated. Those who can grow and groom in ways subconsciously meant to intimidate other alphas in the room. The bird’s nest, the ZZ Top, the han-dlebar (with and without twisting wax), the pencil thin, Fu Manchu, goatee, mutton chops and Quak-er styles are considered and eventually chosen with the care normally reserved for say, adopting a child or maybe buying a new motorcycle.

That’s because the look of a dude’s face commands some sort of respect among we primates. Studies have shown that bearded men appear to be serious, but are otherwise jolly and wise (like Santa Claus or Jesus). Same goes for bald and/or balding guys. And while that research may benefit a dude such as myself, I still wish I had David Lee Roth hair circa 1983—AHH-WAH-UH!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrowi’m bald. well, not all the way bald, just that annoying kind of bald where the top of my head is as slick as a cue ball but the sides and back sprout out like a healthy front porch fern. That’s the worst kind of bald. It’s like the infield of a baseball diamond. Thankfully the Head-Shape Gods spared me the added misfortune of an unsightly pitcher’s mound.

Life in the Noog ChUCK CROWDER

Chuck Crowder is a lo-cal writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Take what you read with a grain of salt, but let it pepper your thoughts.

the pulse 9.20 » may 17-23, 2012

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