March 26, 2008 Vol. 100, No.7www.txwes.edu/rambler

The RamblerThe students’ voice since 1917

T E X A S W E S L E Y A N U N I V E R S I T Y

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Happy April Fools!See The Lambler, our

annual April Fool’s issue, onpage 3 for some seasonalnews fun.

FAFSA time!The office of finanacial

aid reminds all students thatit’s FAFSA time once again,for the 2008-2009 schoolyear. Remember that it’smandatory for all studentsseeking financial aid. First,either complete your 2007taxes or make sure your par-ents complete theirs. Next,get a pin number atwww.pin.ed.gov. Next, fillout your FAFSA atwww.fafsa.ed.gov and enterin the Texas WesleyanUniversity federal schoolcode (003645). For extrainformation, visit the officeof financial aid on the thirdfloor of the administrationbuilding or call (817) 531-4420.

Game on!Texas Wesleyan’s

International Club hosts itsannual international gamesday April 2.

The Asian game FiveStones, the Swedish gameKubb and Europe’s Boule(also known as Petanque)will be demonstrated andplayed from 11 a.m.-1 p.m.on the mall in front of thelibrary.

Floorball, wildly popu-lar in Europe, will be playedfrom 5 p.m.-7 p.m. in thegym.

Wesleyan’s table tennisteam practices in prepara-tion to defend their nationalchampionship titles inMinnesota April 11-13 from7 p.m.-9 p.m. in the gym.

Do you survey? Campus food service

company Aramark is con-ducting another survey toget information on campuslifestyles and preferences. Itonly takes five to 10 min-utes and answers are confi-dential. Participants canenter to win a BoseSoundDock Digital MusicSystem. Visit www.college-survey.com/txwes to takethe survey.

Calling all alumniWesleyan’s All Alumni

Reunion will include a pic-nic in front of the Eunice L.West Library followed by aspirit rally with perform-ance by current and formercheerleaders April 18. TheAlpha Chi/Golden Shearsbreakfast and a performanceof the Spring musical “LittleMe” take place on April 19.A full schedule and links toregister can be found atwww. txwes.edu.

HOT JOB opportunities@ Career Services

Part-time Tutor, RefugeeSchool Impact ProgramVarious Positions, FidelityInvestmentsProgram Coordinators, Envision

NEWS BRIEFS

Fort Worth’s new city manager, Dale Fisseler, gaveone of his first speeches as head of the city at TexasWesleyan University earlier this month. He spoke at theLouella Baker Martin Pavilion and expressed the impor-tance of community and collaboration along with theinfrastructure to support the growing city.

Fisseler spoke to the East Area Fort Worth Chamberof Commerce celebrating its 125th anniversary.

The revitalization of older neighborhoods like thosearound Texas Wesleyan University is a focus of city lead-ers. Fisseler shared with the east Fort Worth audience theexample of the redevelopment of the area at Berry Streetand Riverside Drive, an area infested with high crime andunsightly housing.

According to Fort Worth Weekly, more than 1,000molding apartments that were housingmuch of the area’s illegal activity weretorn down under the Sierra Vista Plan.The empty space left is being used tobuild single-family homes that will bepriced around $80,000. Such effort for“quality affordable housing” is a top pri-ority for city leaders.

Another area Fisseler said is constantly beingimproved is downtown. It has drastically evolved overthe decades into what it is today.

“This could not have been done without privateinvestment and civic support,” said Fisseler.

Although certainly considered a success as it standsnow, downtown Fort Worth is still changing. Projectssuch as the construction of the Omni Hotel andConvention Center and the improvement of LancasterAvenue are in full force. The portion of Lancaster indowntown is being redesigned to encourage pedestrianactivity and public transportation.

Among the improvements, however, are the chal-lenges. Such factors as homelessness and a high infantmortality rate are hinderingthe city’s progress. As of now,the homeless population inTarrant County has reached4,042. Some 85 percent ofTarrant County’s homelesspopulation resides in FortWorth, and city leadersbelieve it is far too much.

“The issue of the home-less population in Fort Worthneeds to be addressed,” saidFisseler. The infant mortalityrate is also of great concern.

“A city with a high infantmortality rate is deemed asnot being a world class city,”said Fisseler.

The city is also facingchallenges with infrastruc-ture, including traffic andwater supply. Traffic is obvi-ously a concern, but the watersupply is also a top priority

when it comes to growth.“Expanding our water resources will help Dallas and

Fort Worth to further grow,” said Fisseler. This requires drastic measures, Fisseler said, such as

the proposal to build another lake in East Texas . Like theLake Worth proposal by a city engineer in 1897, the cur-rent lake proposal in East Texas remains controversialprimarily because of land utilization disagreement.

Another project underway that could better FortWorth’s water systems is the well-publicized TrinityRiver Vision master plan. Spanning 88 miles of theTrinity River, supporters say this plan will support thecity’s growing population, enhance flood protection forresidents, provide recreational opportunities, preservethe river and its ecosystems, allow better access to theriver’s waterfront and revitalize the urban setting of FortWorth.

Along with these things, Fisseler said it will providethe city better drainage, a challenge that

has grown for Fort Worth.With so many ideas and visions

in mind to enhance the Fort Wortharea’s infrastructure, the cost is notcheap. Currently, the city needs $2.38billion to continue on with its improve-ment plans. As he talked about the many

projects underway to improve the city’s infrastructure,Fisseler pointed out some challenges he is prepared toface as the new city manager. These challenges includemaintaining the city’s financial stability, investing ininfrastructure and increasing gas drilling for the area.

As he foretold the challenges he will face and thegoals he and the city council have, Fisseler stressed thatthey will not be able to do it alone.

“We won’t be able to do anything without you all,”said Fisseler.

Fisseler noted the impressive growth and popularityof the city, even with one of the area’s highest propertytax rates.

“It is amazing how we have so many people livinghere,” he said. Realizingthis, Fisseler said,shows there is a lotmore to the city of FortWorth.

Fisseler replaced inFebruary retiring CityManager CharlesBoswell. Fisseler hadbeen an assistant citymanager since 2004where he was responsi-ble for Fort Worth’seconomic and commu-nity development, hous-ing, minority andwomen owned enter-prise and developmentservices. Fisseler is aTexas A&M Universitygraduate with a bache-lor’s degree in civilengineering. Dale Fisseler is Fort Worth’s new city manager. He spoke at

Wesleyan earlier this month.

Photo courtesy of city of Fort Worth

The Texas Access to JusticeCommission has a message for lawstudents: “We need your help.”Catherine Nahay, program develop-er for the commission, spoke toTexas Wesleyan University Schoolof Law students this month aboutthe serious shortage of legal aidattorneys in Texas and how thecommission is working to involvelaw schools and law students inaddressing the challenges faced bylegal aid.

With current funding, legal aidservice providers in Texas can helponly about 22 percent of low-income Texans in need of civil legalservices. Critical legal problemsfacing low-income Texans includedomestic violence, housing issuesand consumer scams targeting theelderly, among others. Currently,there is one Texas attorney in pri-vate practice for every 519 Texans.However, there is only one legal aidattorney for every 11,762 low-income Texans.

The Texas Access to JusticeCommission’s Law SchoolAdvisory Committee, composed ofthe deans of each of Texas’ nine lawschools, has implemented severalprograms, including internships,student loan repayment assistanceand scholarships, to further involvelaw students in the legal aid deliv-ery system.

Cynthia Fountaine, interimdean and professor of law at TexasWesleyan University, believes lawschools and law students play avital role in the justice system.

“Providing and improvingaccess to justice are importantaspects of the school’s mission ofpublic service,“ Fountaine said. “Ihope each of our students gains anappreciation for his or her own civicand professional responsibilities towork to improve access to justice inour community, in our state and inour country.”

This year, up to three studentsfrom each of the state’s nine lawschools will receive Access toJustice Summer Internships to workat legal aid offices for seven weeksduring the summer. Thanks to agenerous donation from the TexasLegal Protection Plan, the internswill receive stipends to cover theirincreased living costs during theinternships. This distinctive pro-gram places students in academicinternships at legal aid offices inareas of the state where there is nolaw school.

Opportunities for summerinternships in legal aid offices arealso available through the State Barof Texas Litigation Section and theState Bar Labor and EmploymentLaw Section. Both sections fundthese paid internships for law stu-dents as part of their pro bono activ-ities.

The commission created theTexas Student Loan RepaymentAssistance Program in 2002 toencourage and enable recent lawschool graduates to work for Texaslegal aid organizations and to assistlegal aid programs in retainingexperienced lawyers. For currentrecipients, the average salary is$45,000 per year; however, theaverage education debt is $85,000.The program currently provides upto $400 per month in the form offorgivable loans to qualified appli-cants. To date, the program has pro-vided almost $500,000 to legal aidlawyers.

For more information, visitwww.TexasATJ.org.

-Rambler staff report

City manager emphasizes community

TAJC calls to studentsfor legal aid shortage

SHAMEKA HYATTSTAFF WRITER

The girls of Lambda Theta Alpha celebrate their sorority’s official recognition by Texas Wesleyan Universitybefore spring break.

Photo by Kevin Keathley

Now that we have your attention

“We won’t be able to doanything without you all.”

– Dale FisselerFort Worth City Manager

College Life The Rambler2 March 26, 2008

Internet is key in modern-day relationshipsIlove your sleek designs, your qwerty

attitude and your ability to make melaugh, cry and think. You can give methe world in 30 seconds or less at myfingertips; without you, life would bemeaningless!

While certainly not found amongShakespeare’s sonnets, the above senti-ment supposedly rings true for one inevery four Americans and 31 percent ofsingles according to a poll released by463 Communications and Zogby

International. With that statistic in mind, imagine your classroom of

approximately 20 students. At least five would say that theInternet could serve as a substitute for a significant otherfor some period of time. If your classes are composed ofsingles, then increase the odds.

Before you laugh, as I did, and wonder which idiots,nerds or Star Trek junkies would actually admit to replacinggood ol’ human interaction with a computer, think for asecond.

Ever been in a relationship that began online? Withadvertisements like “Every year, hundreds of thousandsfind love!” or “Get matched on 29 dimensions!” the drawto fit or belong acts as the magnet to our basic socialinstincts.

There was no surprise, then, when I discovered thatU.S. residents managed to spend $469.5 million on onlinedating and personals in 2004 and more than $500 million in2005, the second largest segment of “paid content” on theWeb, according to a study conducted by the OnlinePublishers Association and comScore Networks.

Sites such as Facebook or MySpace place Internetsocial networking on steroids, espe-cially in light of the 78 percentof college age individualswho have an accountwith one or the other.

Interestinglyenough, however,many do notbelieve thatthe Internetplays a largerole in whothey are.Only 14percent ofAmericanssay that theInternet isan impor-tant part oftheir identi-ty. It’s OKthen; Mr.Anderson canstop for a cup ofcoffee before run-ning to save us thematrix of ones andzeroes.

Intelligent life does appar-ently exist on earth, and theInternet, while certainly addictive, is not the end of human

relationships as we know it. Editor of World on the WebAlisa Harris noted that “since togas were in style,” mankind

has worried advances in technology would eventuallydestroy our ability to successfully build meaningful

relationships. Socrates decried the use of pen and paper

for fear of memory ruination; your motherstill wonders aloud if your brains are turn-

ing to mush in front of the television. Yetour social skills have survived despiteradical changes in the manner and speedat which we communicate.

It could even be argued thatmankind’s drive to network is theforce behind the advances in commu-nications technology.

In Business 2.0, Oma Malikreminds us that “instant messagingwas an alien concept to most people10 years ago, and MySpace didn’texist in 2002. What’s stayed the same,

as technology keeps improving,” hecontinues, “is that very human urge to

connect in real time.” So I unashamedly admit that I love the

Internet. I like talking to people across theUnited States and keeping in touch with

friends as we move about in our versatile littleworlds. My infatuation, however, is nothing that a

couple of walks on the beach and a real hand in minewill not cure.

RACHELHORTON

Rachel Horton is a freshman political science major and is Webeditor for The Rambler.

The RamblerFounded in 1917 as The Handout

Harold G. Jeffcoat, Publisher Kelli Lamers, adviser Shawn R Poling, editor-in-chief Tiara Nugent, managing/college life editor Bryce Wilks, sports editorColleen Burnie, entertainment editor Skyla Claxton, advertising manager

Member of the Texas Intercollegiate Press Association.Opinions expressed in The Rambler are those of the individual author only

and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Texas Wesleyan community as a whole. Letters to the editor: The Rambler, a weekly publication, welcomes all letters.

All submissions must have a full printed name, phone number and signature; however, confidentiality will be granted if requested. While every consideration is made to publish letters, publication is limited by time and space.

The editors reserve the right to edit all submissions for space, grammar, clarity and style. Letters to the editor may be subject to response from editors and students on the opinions page.

"We are not afraid to follow the truth...wherever it may lead." -Thomas Jefferson

Address all correspondence to:Texas Wesleyan University, The Rambler, 1201 Wesleyan St., Fort Worth, TX 76105.

Newsroom: 531-7552 Advertising: 531-7582 Fax: 531-4878 E-mail: twurambler@yahoo.com

InternationalGame Day

2008 arrivesTake a break from school and join the activities April 2, when you can try fun, new games. The

International Club is hosting International Games Day to provide an opportunity to learn the mostpopular games in Europe and Asia. Kubb, boule, five stones and floorball will take place for all totry. The games will be followed by a chance to watch the table tennis team practice for its defenseof the national championship.

*Kubb, boule and five stones11a.m. to 1 p.m. on the mall in front of the library:

Try your hand at the most popular game in Sweden. Easy to play, it is loved by the college-agestudents in Sweden as a way to relax and have fun. Kubb is similar to bowling but with sticksinstead of balls. The idea is to knock down the king pin. It is a Swedish game dating back to theVikings and has enjoyed a new popularity with people of all ages.

Five stones is a popular game in Asia, and students from Nepal and India will be happy to showyou how to play it. Five stones is a traditional game that involves throwing a ball to knock over astack of stones. No previous skill required, just good fun!

Boule (or petanque) is playedthroughout Europe with gusto incity parks. The French especiallylove this sport. It is similar to thegame of horseshoes but with metalballs instead of horseshoes. Thepoint is to throw the ball as closeto the target as possible withoutgetting knocked out of the way.You will love this game.

*Floorball5 p.m. to 7 p.m. in the gymnasi-um:

Join the floorball team andplay this popular, fast-movingsport. Originating in Sweden butspreading rapidly throughoutEurope, this sport combines ele-ments from soccer and hockey butwasn’t designed as a contact sport.The newly formed Texas Wesleyanteam invites you to join the funand learn floorball.

*Table tennis championshippractice7 p.m. to 9 p.m. in the gymnasi-um:

Stay and watch TexasWesleyan’s national championtable tennis team practice todefend its title the next week.This is a rare opportunity to seesome of the best players in thecountry play.

For more information aboutthis International Games Day,contact Betsy Johnson, Director ofInternational Programs at (817)531-4965.

-- Staff reportGerman international student Toby Rachau trys his stuffat Kubb at last year’s International Game Day.

Faculty piano duo shoots for fifth success

Dr. John Fisher, professor of music the-ory and piano, and Dr. Bruce McDonald,assistant professor of philosophy and reli-gion, are coming together again this weekfor their fifth annual collaborative pianorecital. The program, which is drawn com-pletely from the 20th century, will display awide array of musical styles and themes.

Fisher will open the program withAlban Berg’s Sonate. It was Berg’s opusone and recalls the feeling of Wagner’sTristan and Isolde.

“It’s in the old world fashion of goingfrom one climax to the next, to the next untilyou reach exhaustion while foreshadowingthe 20th century atonal dissonant techniquesthat would come later,” said Fisher. “It issomewhere in the twilight between Wagnerand Schoenberg.”

Fisher said that while the very volatilepiece has its dissonance, it also has beauti-ful lyrical moments.

McDonald will follow with Sonata No.3 in A Minor by Sergei Prokofiev, a Russiancomposer who is known to many childrenas the writer of Peter and the Wolf, a basicintroduction to the Symphony set to a story.

“The piece is one I played for my seniorrecital,” said McDonald who received hisfirst degree in music. “But it’s still in myfingers and memory for the most part.”

Although only one movement, the pieceis divided into four parts creating the feel ofa mini-symphony.

According to McDonald, Prokofievdied the same day as Stalin and was some-what forgotten in the mix. During his life hetried to react and rebel against the lushnessof Romantics like Tchaikovsky, but wasable to get completely away from it.

“He’s not my favorite of the Russians,”said McDonald, “but he has moments ofbrilliance and he is a strong consistent com-poser.”

After a short pause, the two will comeback on stage to perform Francis Poulenc’sSonata together on the two twin ivory-keyed Baldwin SD-10 pianos that weredonated to the music department in 2005.

The concert will close with AaronCopland’s El Salon Mexico which wasarranged by Copeland’s good friendLeonard Bernstein, composer of the famousWest Side Story.

“From a performance view the piece isvery fulfilling,” said Fisher, who also men-tioned that the work is a tribute to an actualcantina in Mexico that Copeland visited.

“It has driving rhythms and deliciouslywrong rhythms all together,” said Fisher.“There are times when there are just twoindependent players. It becomes quitechaotic, but also has beautiful lyricmoments.”

The piece, which challenges the play-ers, has a hint of humor and tongue-in-cheek personality.

“You’re just counting away like a madman and praying that your partner is aswell,” said Fisher.

The concert marks five that the twohave collaborated on.

“I’m very fond of John Fisher,” saidMcDonald. “We approach music the sameway and the music that I know he is lessfamiliar with, and vise versa, so we bothbring something to the table.”

“We are both on equal footing withskills, background and interest,” said Fisher.“We each picked two pieces, and it makesfor a balanced collaborative effort.”

Although the music is more modern,McDonald assures concert-goers the musicis pre-atonal and accessible.

“We wanted to play music that wasapproachable, and nothing that would soundlike a toothache,” said McDonald. “We liketaking lesser-known music and making itknown to those who are interested.”

The music promises to offer an eveningof dissonance, lyric melodies, unpredictableturns and a collaborative effort.

“Those who overlook classical musicare missing out on a lot,” said McDonald.“It is our hope that we perform in a way thatmakes people want to dig for more.”

The recital is at 7:30 p.m. March 27 inMartin Hall. Admission is free and open tothe public. Refreshments will follow.

Courtesy of International Department

COLLEEN BURNIEENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

April Fool’s 2008 Vol. 100, No. 7 3/4Fort Worth, Texas

The LamblerThe students’ voice since 1917

T E X A S W E S L E Y A N U N I V E R S I T YThis edition of The Rambleris to be taken in jest as it isApril Fool’s!

Got Skateball?The United States’ first

ever national skateballchampionships will be heldApril 29 in the SidRichardson Gymnasium.The Wesleyan Lambs willface off against TexasChristian University andArkansas State University,the only other two universi-ties to have heard of thegame. The first matchbegins at 7 a.m. Teammembers must bring theirown skateboard.

President’s Food ForumUniversity President

Hal Jeffcoat wants youropinions about food. Notfood on campus, just foodin general. What is yourfavorite restaurant, softdrink or color of sprinkles?Make your voice heard!The forum will take placeat 2 a.m. April 28 in Dora’sResidential Restaurant.

Musical Auditions!Theater professors

Connie Whitt-Lambert andJoe Brown are now audi-tioning for the 2008 fallmusical, a live productionof Once More, WithFeeling, the classic musicalepisode of Buffy theVampire Slayer! Be pre-pared to sing either TheMustard or Bunnies as wellas do a jig.

A Legend Returns!For one day only, cam-

pus legend and honoraryvoice instructor BritneySpears returns to Wesleyanfor a very special voiceworkshop. Attendees(music majors only) willmaster the “super-sexyhyperventilation” tech-nique, learn 32 ways to singthe phrase “oh, baby” andreceive a limited editionBritney pacifier. Beer andcigarettes provided.

First Official MeetingThe first meeting of

Wesleyan’s home chapterof the United Associationof Student Procrastinatorsis coming! We will decideon a time, date and placelater.

HOT JOBS @ CareerServices

- Wal-Mart, bagger- Polytechnic

Cemetary, caretaker- New Orleans Nights,

“waitress”- TWU, Britney

teaching assistant- Taco Casa, taco

crisper

NEWS BRIEFS Getting loose no longer permitted in the ARC

The vote for a new Wesleyan logo came to avote before the board of trustees last week afterChrysler LLC filed a patent on behalf ofits Dodge automobile line for its long-standing horned-ram logo. Wesleyan’slogo will now be a lamb.

“We want our Dodge Rams to notonly stand apart from every other vehicleout there on the road, but also to hold anunique symbol, one that all will recog-nize for greatness,” said Dodgespokesman Dale Goat. “It will be a sym-bol of the Dodge ruggedness, endurance and qual-ity.”

Chrysler filed for a patent last fall. The patentwas granted this February and, as of April 1st, all

other organizations with a logo flaunting a rammust alter their insignia.

Wesleyan’s ram logo dates back to 1930s withthe school’s name changed from Texas Womens’College to Texas Wesleyan University.

Vice PresidentSchooner Wiliams saidthe school is sorry to partwith the old-timeWesleyan icon, but thatthe change will be asminimal as possible.

“We feel the transi-tion will be easiest onstudents and faculty

alike if the new icon resembles the ram but is dif-ferent enough to appease Dodge.”

The new logo, a fluffy white lamb, was cho-sen as the most similar option. The fair sheep will

signify the purity of Wesleyan education. “Instead of fighting with intimidation,

Wesleyan will now be fighting with prayer andsupplication,” said Williams.

The athletic department is hesitant about theswitch.

“We are a bit worried about being taken seri-ously by our opponents, but we will fightthrough,” said Martin Fields, director of athletics.

The change is beginning to be evident on cam-pus. The campus newspaper is being renamed TheLambler, and new spirit apparel and accessorieswill be available in the bookstore in upcomingweeks.

“We’re hopeful that the new mascot will be ahit with students and that they will wear the lambwith pride,” said Williams.

The mascot will be named Lilly.“It’s a nicetransition from Willy,” said Williams.

BABA BLACKSTAFF WRITER

Wesleyan mascot stolen, Lilly Lamb replacment

Walking in Texas Wesleyan University’s Academic Resource Center(the ARC), students were well aware of the privilege they had. While get-ting free tutoring in math and writing from phenomenal student tutors andhelp finding employment, TWU students could also enjoy a tall one. Untilrecently, students could drink any alcohol they brought along with them.

This privilege, however, is no longer available in the ARC. Alcoholwas once allowed in this area of the library when it was a meeting area, butthe facilities department recently reviewed the campus alcohol policy toadd the Baker Martin Pavilion to the list of permissible places for alcohol.It was at this time that it was discovered that the east room of the libraryhad not been removed from the list when it was converted to the ARC.

ARC officials were also finding that students were coming to the ARCto have a drink rather than get the academic help they needed.

“Parties were so loud that it was disturbing everyone in the library,”said Glynn Mathis, director of the ARC. From 2003 to 2007, the numberof students using the ARC tripled from 400 to 1,200.

Mathis said they began to fear it was because of the alcohol rather thanthe academic and career services.

Although the ARC saw a high volume of students coming through itsdoors, average student grades across the Wesleyan campus in math andEnglish courses were not good. Instead of overall student performance inthe areas of math and English increasing, a major decline in performancewas detected in these areas.

“Findings indicate that alcohol relaxes people; therefore, it was diffi-cult for the tutors to force-feed the students with the information they need-ed in math and writing when alcohol was consumed,” said Mathis. TWUEnglish and math department faculty brought performance figures to theattention of ARC officials.

Math and English teachers complained about the ARC’s wet status, say-

ing that it was hurting the students rather than benefiting them. “When alcohol was allowed in the ARC, my students were averaging 20s

on exams,” said Dr. Jane Moore, head of Wesleyan’s math department.Instead of seeing an increase in the number of A’s and B’s in the classroom,TWU math and writing professors saw a major rise in the amount of D’s and

TIPSY GONESTAFF WRITER

Monnica Wingate, a Wesleyan senior, is very upset.Every morning before heading out the door, shetreats her daughter to an episode of Dora theExplorer. But not anymore. Starting March 22,episodes of Dora were pulled from televisionline-ups, DVDs of the program disappearedfrom shelves, and piñatas bearing her brightsmile were nowhere to be found at theneighborhood Carnival grocery store.

“All because of one of my own pro-fessors. This is absolutely disgusting,”said Wingate.

Wingate refers to Dr. Amy Bell, pro-fessor of Spanish. Bell met with theeducational show’s creators and producersMarch 21. Within minutes of the meeting’s dismissal,news of the show’s fate had spread across the nation.

Nickelodeon and Dora co-creator ChrisGifford have not yet released a statementexplaining the hasty decision, but said thatthey “had no choice” and that Bell wouldaddress the topic at an upcoming presenta-tion she will give at New YorkUniversity April 1.

Although the subject seems to beof a top-secret nature, Bell was kindenough to speak exclusively with TheRambler.

“It’s just too terrible to imagine, the things she does to you.People won’t want to believe it, but the proof is all there,” saidBell.

Bell, an avid fan of foreign languages, wanted to determineto what degree language-themed children’s programs aided inlearning a second language. She started up the program inthe fall of 2007 as collaboration between the foreign lan-guage and psychology departments.

Thirty Fort Worth elementary school students signed up forthe program, which had participants take a Spanish class

and watch an hour of Dora the Explorer a day. “Everything was going fine. We were collect-ing significant amounts of data, getting close to

discovering an answer,” said Bell. But the original experiment was

never completed. A week before theend date, all the participants camedown ill. Doctors assumed thechildren had passed around a cold.

Soon enough it was clear the realitywas far more serious.

Friends of Bell from Cook’s Children’sHospital admitted the children for tests and

discovered that all the children had developedbrain cancer.

“I made my niece watch an episode the nextday. It was her first time. Within minutes the cancer

was there. By the half hour mark, it was unstoppable.We put together a report, got on a plane and met with theproducers the next day,” said Bell.

Now that Dora’s reign is suddenly over, at least fornow, Gifford is hopeful that Bell’s claims will be provenwrong.

“Dora belongs on the air. Without it, the Spanishlanguage has no hope of survival, and I have car pay-ments,” said Gifford.

Bell doubts Dora will return to the air or store shelves.“We know for a fact that cancer growth begins after

three minutes of viewing, then takes over the brain within anhour. The piñatas work instantly. If Spanish has to die so ourchildren can grow up, good riddance,” said Bell.

Bell looks forward to her NYU presentation but also hasher sights even farther in the future.

“After Dora’s gone once and for all, we’re taking on bigtobacco next,” Bell said.

NOHABLA ESPANOLSTAFF WRITER

Bell discovers child cartoon cause of cancer

“We are hopeful that thenew mascot will be a hitwith students and that theywill wear the lamb withpride.”

– Schooner WilliamsVice President

Courtesy of Google Images

See ARC, page 2

DINOSAUR FOUND ON CAMPUS!Demolition crews were greatly surprised March 21.

Three demolition trucks were lined on Wesleyan Street, thecrews working to demolish campus building the BoydHouse to make way forWesleyan’s first nightclub (a total of threethemed night clubs areplanned).

Work was haltedimmediately after workersclaimed to have discov-ered something under-neath the Boyd House.According to campus offi-cials, art professor KitHall was called to thescene immediately.

“They sounded pan-icked, screaming abouteggs or something. WhenI got there, it looked likean egg statue was buriedin the ground,” said Hall.

Soon after, physics professor Bobby Deaton was sum-moned to help exhume the item.

“Nobody knew what it was. Kit kept her fingerscrossed for something valuable as I dug it up,” said Deaton.

The excavation lasted hours into the night, finallyrevealing what looked like an egg, about the size of a bas-ketball. Hall made some calls to local museums and artexperts, all of which expressed interest.

“I was just about to schedule an appraisal with theSmithsonian when it started moving. I thought it was aboutto start rolling down the street,” said Hall.

Instead of rolling, the egg started cracking, and withinminutes a dinosaur hatched from inside. Most of the crowdran away immediately, but Deaton was seen standing still inshock.

“I must be insane. That’s what I told myself. I had atriceratops standing right in front of me,” said Deaton.

Hall had already contacted authorities and hadretrieved animal tranquilizers from the nurse’s office. In adesperate attempt to save Deaton’s life, she aimed for the

triceratops and

fired. Unfortunately, she hitDeaton instead.

“My butt still hurts,” saidDeaton.

Hall feared for the worstwhen Deaton crashed to theground, especially when thetriceratops started closing in.

“I just screamed andscreamed, trying to scare itaway. I thought it was aboutto bite him when it justflopped down next to himinstead,” said Hall.

By the time Hall reachedDeaton, both he and the

dinosaur were asleep. The authorities arrived soon after, butweren’t sure how to proceed. News crews flooded campusto gaze upon the historic site: man and dinosaur in harmo-ny.

When Deaton awoke, so did the dinosaur. “I would have been scared had it not been purring,”

said Deaton. “I had to get home to myfiancé, so I jumped in the car. Luckily, thelittle dude followed me home.”

The triceratops, now known to Deatonas Barney, was still under Deaton’s care asof March 24. The Fort Worth Zoo and theNational Wildlife association have filed a

l a w s u i ta g a i n s tD e a t o n ,claiming he isunqualified tocare for thecreature.

D e a t o ndisagrees. Hehas been feed-ing Barneycanned Alpo,local greensand freshspring water.According tohim, Barney islooking betterthan ever.

“He’s abig dog, andhe likes ithere. Evenmore, I wasthe first thingit saw. Thatmeans I’m itsmother. If that

Dr. Bobby Deaton, professor ofphysics, and fiance (left) look onas Barney grazes their spaciousbackyard. Below, Deaton’snephew poses with Barney,which is now the family’sfavorite pet.

ACORN SPIELBERGGOSSIP EDITOR

F’s. ARC leaders said they once believed that the

open policy would motivate students to relax andnot be intimidated to come to the ARC to get help inacademics when needed. With more students com-ing to get help, ARC officials believed student per-formance in the areas of math and English wouldskyrocket.

Alcohol’s depressant characteristics, such asslowed brain activity, impaired judgment and dis-ruption of recent experiences being processed inlong-term memory during the moments of consump-tion, depicted otherwise.

Holding up to their motto “keeping you afloat inthe academic seas,” the ARC wants students to beaware that requesting for tutoring should not belabeled with a feeling of inferiority. With alcoholconsumption no longer tolerated on its premises, theARC still looks forward to helping the many stu-dents of Wesleyan with academics whenever need-ed.

Wesleyan’s Academic Resource Center was theonly place on campus and among all colleges in thenation where students could get tipsy on Bacardi,Hypnotic, Colt 45s and other campus favorites whilegetting academic help. Now the ARC is looking forother incentives to ensure TWU students that theARC should be one of their top stops for academicassistance in Math and Writing.

Sources said they’ve considered promotions likeLadies Night or bikini contests to drum up interest.

The Fort Worth UFO-spotting club recently released a report that not only have therebeen UFOs spotted over Wesleyan’s Martin Field, but the Martians have landed.

“We could not be more ecstatic about this meeting,” said Ima Freak, president of the cluband certified ufologist. “We currently have each one of them fostered out in our homes andare trying to keep them safe from probing science.”

According to the club’s spokesman John Smith, the first sighting took place more than ayear ago, and sightings have become more and more frequent as the time has gone on.

“We believe that they were scoping out the perfect place to land and live,” said Smith.“The residents of Fort Worth may not be able to see the value of Lancaster in this area, butour intergalactic neighbors saw past the run down look and picked this place to make theirhomes.”

The landing apparently took place during spring break and was late at night. The news of the landings has just begun to spread around the nation and is causing uproar

in the religious community as Scientologists fight to see the aliens that could be related to theEvil Lord Xenu and call for their execution.

According to E!News, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have taken their daughter Suri intohiding and are leading the campaign against the alien invasion.

Wesleyan administration commented that while the story seemed to be something out ofa science fiction novel, the press that it was bringing Wesleyan was a positive effect.

“We’re not sure what to make of all of this,” said John Phenom, Wesleyan’s strange hap-penings expert. “We do know what we want everyone safe and we are glad that the field wasmostly unharmed during the landing.”

No one has offered any explanation about the whereabouts of the spaceships, and the FortWorth UFO spotting club isn’t volunteering any information.

The soccer players seem to be strangely affected while on the field during practices andgames.

“My legs sometimes feel like someone has taken over them,” said Jock Star. “Whatever

it is, we haven’t lost a game since the landings, so it’s alright by me.”Winning streak or no winning streak, the government has threatened to shut the area

down for investigation but is currently hung up at the regional level due to red tape. “It’s crazy. They already have the field blacked out on Google Earth,” said James

Johnson, sophomore science major.The future of Martin Field and the extra-terrestrial visitors is currently uncertain, but

what is for sure is that Lancaster and Wesleyan will never be the same.

Martians spotted landing on Martin fieldPLUTO DIAZSTAFF WRITER

The Fort Worth UFO spotting club has its sites fixed on Wesleyan’s Martin Field, a hot spotfor UFO sightings and intergallactic parties.

Courtesy of Will Smith

Google Images

ARC, from page 1

The Rambler4 March 26, 2008

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Your one stop shop for skateball!Medium one-topping pizza is only $10 with new skateboard!

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Coming May 2008!TThhee EEaasstt LLaannccaannsstteerr SShhooppppiinngg CCeenntteerr

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Pottery Barn - Victoria� s Secret - NIne West

The right price in the wrong place!

SportsThe Rambler March 26, 2008 5

Log on to:www.ramsports.netfor the latest game

information andprofiles of your

favorite WesleyanTeams and Athletes

Quick Quotes"If you're bored with life- you don't get up everymorning with a burningdesire to do things - youdon't have enough goals.

- Lou Holtzcollege football analyst

March 26*2 p.m. JV Baseball vs.North Lake College(Sycamore Park)

March 28*3 p.m. Baseball vs.Paul Quinn

March 29Noon Baseball @ PaulQuinn

March 30Noon Softball @ Bacone

3 p.m. Baseball @ LSU-Alexandria

March 311 p.m. Softball @Langston

*3 p.m. Baseball vs.Mary Hardin-Baylor

April 1*2 p.m. Baseball vs.LSU-Shreveport

April 25 p.m. Softball @ TexasWoman’s

2 p.m. JV Baseball @Richland College

*denotes home game

Upcoming Events

In the Grapefruit League in Florida and Cactus League in Arizona,baseball action is underway, and there are sure to be many great momentsthroughout the season.

America’s pastime hosts great memories each and every season, andfor many years, Texas Wesleyan President Dr. HaroldJeffcoat was involved with professional baseball.

Jeffcoat hails from a lineage of baseball tradition. Hisuncle George Jeffcoat played for Brooklyn in the 1930s,and his father, Hal Jeffcoat, enjoyed success in the proranks as well.

He first became a hero during World War II with the517th Parachute Regimental Combat Team. He sustainedserious injuries, and was the lone survivor in his regimentafter an attack in France.

After recovering, he met an American woman who wasalso serving in the armed forces in Naples, Italy. They fellin love and got married in 1945. Their first child, Harold,was born in 1947.

The senior Jeffcoat got his first break in professionalbaseball in 1946 with the Nashville Vols of the SouthernAssociation.

At the time, the Vols were associated with the ChicagoCubs, and after a great season, Hal’s contract was pur-chased by the Cubs in 1948 for $40,000.

“Dad could run like a deer and was a great defensiveoutfielder and good hitter at that level. $40,000 was a lot of money at thattime for a player,” Jeffcoat said.

The senior Jeffcoat established himself with the club, and when youngJeffcoat was old enough, he experienced one ofthe greatest jobs a boy could ask for. Starting in1952, he was a clubhouse helper at historicWrigley Field while his father was out on thefield.

“I polished cleats and did other jobs withclubhouse manager Yosh Kawano. I grew up withgreat players like Ernie Banks and got to go up inthe media box and enjoy hot dogs and lemonadewith Jack Brickhouse.” (Brickhouse was a base-ball announcer during that time).

As the father’s career went on, he was strug-gling to consistently hit major league pitching,but the team loved his arm. To prolong his career,he changed positions when the team tried him outas a pitcher. In his first appearance, he had to trotto the mound in the middle of the game straightfrom the outfield.

The move proved to be beneficial, and Jeffcoat’s father continued hiscareer as a pitcher for the Cubs, Cincinnati Reds and St. Louis Cardinals.The junior Jeffcoat continued to help in the club house at Crosley Fieldin Cincinnati and Sportsman’s Park in St. Louis.

After each baseball season, the Jeffcoat family retreated to Tampa,Fla., for the school year. Raised in sports, the young Jeffcoat eventuallybecame a highly-touted football and baseball prospect coming out ofhigh school.

“I was a pretty good quarterback, but my best skill in football was my

kicking leg. Schools like Florida, Florida State and Alabama wanted me tokick for them,” he said.

Jeffcoat decided to take the baseball route when the San FranciscoGiants drafted him with their 72nd overall pick in 1965 when he was just17 years old.

“I promised my dad that I would get my college degree by takingclasses in the off-season. He was supportive and helped me invest the

money from my first contact wisely.”When he went off to his first spring training, it wasn’t long

before he started crossing paths with many historic baseballfigures.

“One season in the Giants organization, my roommate wasan outfielder named Bobby Bonds. He had a young kidnamed Barry (now the all-time home run leader) at the time,and I used to help look after him.”

Jeffcoat witnessed another legend at a young age when hewas playing down the road in Arlington.

“There was a team called the Dallas-Fort Worth Spurs thatplayed at Turnpike Stadium, where the Rangers ballpark islocated now. My team was playing there one day, and therewas this kid running around and chasing balls. The managerfor their team was Cal Ripken Sr., and the kid was his son,Cal Ripken Jr.”

The young Ripken went on to become a hall-of-fame play-er and is recognized as the greatest “Iron Man” in baseballhistory.

Although Jeffcoat had many productive seasons in theminors, a big league call-up always managed to evade him.

“San Francisco was the wrong place to be as a young pitcher. They hadan outstanding rotation led by Juan Marichal, and it was nearly impossibleto break in,” Jeffcoat said.

“I could have just as easily tried toadvance playing second base and hitting, butthey were paying me to pitch. The problemwas I didn’t quite throw hard enough orthrow a sharp enough breaking ball to be abig league pitcher. I had to get people outwith my control and determination.”

Jeffcoat walked away from baseball in1975 after a stint with the Cardinals. He saidhe has many great memories and few regretsabout his career.

“One of the toughest things to do in lifeis to accept your own faults. Once I did that Iwas able to overcome them and have a goodcareer. I had fun and used baseball to payfor my education, which carried me throughlife once I was done with baseball.”

Life after baseball has been successfulfor Jeffcoat. He and his wife have three kidsand two grandchildren. Professionally,Jeffcoat has been involved in higher educa-tion with several universities.

“Once my career was over, I got veryserious about academics, and it has paid offfor me. My career in baseball was great, andI am part of a closely knitted group that has

a spot in the history of the game.”

BRYCE WILKSSPORTS EDITOR

Before his career in highereducation, President HaroldJeffcoat enjoyed 10 years ofprofessional baseball. Heplayed seven years in theGiants organziation and threewith the Cardinals.

Photos courtesy of google images

Jeffcoat wasn’t the firstin his family to achievebaseball success. Hisuncle George pitchedfor Brooklyn in the1930’s and his fatherHal played outfield andpitcher for the Cubs,Reds and Cardinals.Jeffcoat enjoyed manythrills during his child-hood as a clubhousehelper at Wrigley Field.

Wesleyan president followed his father to a careerin baseball, now reflects on a lifetime of memories

All in the family

Photos courtesy of google images

In spite of savage Texas weather (light snow-fall) earlier in the week that led to closing business-es, schools and the airport, the Four Star TexasWesleyan University Open began in bright sun-shine March 8. From across the nation, 131 playersassembled for competition and the chance to winmore than $12,000 incash prizes and equip-ment.

Despite some spec-tacular play in theRound Robins andearly cross-over match-es, by the Semi-Finalsonly the top four seedsremained. IlijaLupulesku faced ShuSara Fu in the firstS e m i - F i n a l .Sophomore athletictraining major MarkHazinski would face offwith TWU alumnusEric Owens in the other.

Lupulesku lookedrelaxed against Fu who,nonetheless, used her skill to take advantage ofevery opportunity allowed her by Lupulesku. Thematch featured consistent high-level, crowd-pleas-ing play with Lupulesku winning in straight games:9, 9, 9, 9.

Owens completed two close matches withNigel Webb and junior international business majorCarlos Chiu and was primed for the Semi-Final

match with Hazinski. Hazinski played well in thepreliminaries, but was not ready for the exception-al blocking and counter attack of Owens. Despiteearly leads in several games, Hazinski was unableto mount a consistent successful attack, winningonly the fourth game. The veteran Owens con-trolled the match winning 9, 10, 8,-8, 6.

The final showdown began with Lupuleskustarting a bit tight. Owens, continuing his excellent

play, forced both ofthe first two games todeuce, only to lose inthe tie breakers. In thethird game,Lupulesku, appearingmore relaxed, broughton a blistering crowd-rousing attack to winthe OpenChampionship instraight games: 10,12, 4, 7.

For his win,Lupulesku won the$2,000 top prize withOwens taking the$1,000 second place.

Top three eventsresults (Open Singles, U-2400 rating and Under18 years old):Open Singles: First: Ilija Lupulesku, Second: EricOwens, Third/fourth: Mark Hazinski, Shu Sara FuU-2450: First: Timothy Wang, Second: CarlosChiu, Third/fourth: Shu Sara Fu, Nigel WebbUnder 18: First: Timothy Wang, Second: ChanceFriend, Third/fourth: Judy Wang, Andrew He Chen

DAVID LIVINGSCONTRIBUTING WRITER

Photo by Mike Lin

Ilija Lupulesku (left) emerged from the field to claimvictory in his event at the Four Star Texas WesleyanOpen March 8. Lupulesku walked away with a $2,000prize.

Wesleyan awards table champsToo much madnessLoss in Kansas City ends productiveseason for Wesleyan basketball team

Photo courtesy of athletic office

Hopes for a national tournament run came to an end March8 with a 73-71 loss to McKendree University.

2008 National Honors:No. 7 in field goal defenseNo. 7 in scoring defenseNo. 10 in total reboundsNo. 11 in offensive rebounds

2008 Conference Honors:No. 1 in total defenseNo. 1 in scoring defenseNo. 1 in reboundingFirst ever conference championship

FULL TUITION SCHOLARSHIPS ANDPAID SUMMER INTERNSHIPS

AVAILABLE FOR TWU SOPHOMORES!Scholarships include $4500-$5000 yearly stipend and

$1200 per year for books.

For more information contact:LTC ROD JOYCE817-531-4273

rjoye@txwes.edu

ARMY ROTC. START STRONG.

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