The Same and Different: Crossing Boundaries of Color, Culture, Sexual Preference, Disability,

and Age By: Letty Cottin Pogrebin

The Same and Different: Crossing Boundaries of Color, Culture, Sexual Preference, Disability,

and Age By: Letty Cottin Pogrebin

By Brooke FarberWorkshop Chapter 11 Part 4

Monday April 13th 2009

By Brooke FarberWorkshop Chapter 11 Part 4

Monday April 13th 2009

QuestionQuestion all of us have friends that are "different"

than us. How would you explain your relationship? is it a comfortable and trusting relationship? Or is it difficult to communicate? What have you learned from this relationship?

all of us have friends that are "different" than us. How would you explain your relationship? is it a comfortable and trusting relationship? Or is it difficult to communicate? What have you learned from this relationship?

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Steps We Must Follow for Friendship

Steps We Must Follow for Friendship

Explaining To Yourself Explaining To Your Community of

Origin Explaining To Each Other

Explaining To Yourself Explaining To Your Community of

Origin Explaining To Each Other

“Whatever the boundary being crossed- race, ethnicity, or any other social category-both partners in a crossing friendship usually find they have to do a lot of explaining- to themselves, to each other, and to their respective communities.”

Explaining To YourselfExplaining To Yourself What is the meaning of my being friends with

someone not like me? When you have a friend of a different race, ask

yourself whether you’re sincerely fond of this person or using them as an entree into a group you want to belong to.

Study by Gordon Allport, the difference between groups, the group which you factually belong, and the reference group, which is the group to which you relate or aspire.

Example: “blacks who wish to partake of white skin privilege that they seek only white friends.

What is the meaning of my being friends with someone not like me?

When you have a friend of a different race, ask yourself whether you’re sincerely fond of this person or using them as an entree into a group you want to belong to.

Study by Gordon Allport, the difference between groups, the group which you factually belong, and the reference group, which is the group to which you relate or aspire.

Example: “blacks who wish to partake of white skin privilege that they seek only white friends.

Explaining to Your Community of Origin

Explaining to Your Community of Origin

Accountability to one’s own group can be the most difficult challenge to the maintenance of friendship.

Black and white friendships are conducted “unground” Some individuals report that it is easier to limit intimacy with other groups then fight the system.

Historically the biggest enemies of boundary’s crossing friendships have been by majority whites due to exclusive clubs, schools and businesses

Accountability to one’s own group can be the most difficult challenge to the maintenance of friendship.

Black and white friendships are conducted “unground” Some individuals report that it is easier to limit intimacy with other groups then fight the system.

Historically the biggest enemies of boundary’s crossing friendships have been by majority whites due to exclusive clubs, schools and businesses

Explaining to Each Other Explaining to Each Other

Ongoing mutual clarification is one of the healthiest characteristics of crossing friendships.

You discover which aspects of the other person’s “in-groupness” you can share and what you can’t. Be honest about your cultures sore points and ignore others ignorance.

Have you ever had to explain an exclusive cultural tradition?

-Clip From “Boy In the Stripped Pajamas”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muJ0gVl5jDo&feature=PlayList&p=17CD45A2B2DD9AFB&index=3

Ongoing mutual clarification is one of the healthiest characteristics of crossing friendships.

You discover which aspects of the other person’s “in-groupness” you can share and what you can’t. Be honest about your cultures sore points and ignore others ignorance.

Have you ever had to explain an exclusive cultural tradition?

-Clip From “Boy In the Stripped Pajamas”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muJ0gVl5jDo&feature=PlayList&p=17CD45A2B2DD9AFB&index=3

Same but Never Quite the Same

Same but Never Quite the Same

This occurs when people leave their “safe inner circle” and build friendships with others even though their life experiences might be different.

Example: Pg 507 Relationship between Irish Catholic couple and Jewish friends over 1967 Israeli Bombing.

This occurs when people leave their “safe inner circle” and build friendships with others even though their life experiences might be different.

Example: Pg 507 Relationship between Irish Catholic couple and Jewish friends over 1967 Israeli Bombing.

Moving In One Another’s World

Moving In One Another’s World

Certain differences remain barriers in friendships.

A) LanguageB) RacismC) Feminism

Friends can embrace differences and be enriched by them.

Certain differences remain barriers in friendships.

A) LanguageB) RacismC) Feminism

Friends can embrace differences and be enriched by them.

The Hazard of CrossingThe Hazard of Crossing

Can cause temporary misunderstanding Overly cautious of voicing an opinion to

prevent interference with social climbing

Example: Pg 511The Black housekeeper of a White family

was treated with limited respect and concern for her well being.

Can cause temporary misunderstanding Overly cautious of voicing an opinion to

prevent interference with social climbing

Example: Pg 511The Black housekeeper of a White family

was treated with limited respect and concern for her well being.

The Problem with “Them” is “Us”

The Problem with “Them” is “Us”

Barriers exist because we don’t know each other.A) Example is homophobia

Our hang ups may prevent us from interacting with gay,elderly or disables individuals since we keep them “different” there maybe troubling or strange emotions during interactions. It is imperative to allow all people to be distinctive and equal.

Barriers exist because we don’t know each other.A) Example is homophobia

Our hang ups may prevent us from interacting with gay,elderly or disables individuals since we keep them “different” there maybe troubling or strange emotions during interactions. It is imperative to allow all people to be distinctive and equal.

Different Types of Friendships

Different Types of Friendships

Gay Straight Friendship Disabled and Non-Disabled Friends Cross Age Friends

Gay Straight Friendship Disabled and Non-Disabled Friends Cross Age Friends

“To a large degree, our society still wants to keep them out of sight-- gays and lesbians for ‘flaunting their alternative lifestyles,’ the disabled for not ‘not getting better,’ and the old for reminding us of our eventual fate.”

Gay and Straight Friendship

Gay and Straight Friendship

Homosexual society is a culture unto itself.

Forming relationships across gay-straight boundaries can be challenging due to the need of explanations.

Gay men and lesbians must function in a straight world during most of their life.

Homosexual society is a culture unto itself.

Forming relationships across gay-straight boundaries can be challenging due to the need of explanations.

Gay men and lesbians must function in a straight world during most of their life.

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Disabled and Non-DisabledDisabled and Non-Disabled Form an invisible subculture 36,000,000 Americans have some type of

disability Wheel chair-bound, deaf,blind,speaking and

thinking.

“We need friends who won’t treat us as weirdo asexual second-class children or expect us to be ‘Supercrips’- miracle cripples who work like crazy to make themselves whole again… We want to be accepted the way we are”

Form an invisible subculture 36,000,000 Americans have some type of

disability Wheel chair-bound, deaf,blind,speaking and

thinking.

“We need friends who won’t treat us as weirdo asexual second-class children or expect us to be ‘Supercrips’- miracle cripples who work like crazy to make themselves whole again… We want to be accepted the way we are”

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Cross-age FriendshipCross-age Friendship Age segregation keeps us apart Miscommunications between young and old Same age individuals have common history and

culture Study by Claude Fischer reveled that elderly

people prefer friends of their own age People of diverse ages can enjoy friendships are

“same and different”

Age segregation keeps us apart Miscommunications between young and old Same age individuals have common history and

culture Study by Claude Fischer reveled that elderly

people prefer friends of their own age People of diverse ages can enjoy friendships are

“same and different”

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Race FriendshipRace Friendship What boundaries are expectable to cross. Comfort level with slang (could be

considered racist) Pg. 50 Friendship is usually conducted

“Underground” Other friend might not be “comfortable”

Obama Racism Speech Clip

What boundaries are expectable to cross. Comfort level with slang (could be

considered racist) Pg. 50 Friendship is usually conducted

“Underground” Other friend might not be “comfortable”

Obama Racism Speech Clip QuickTime™ and a

decompressorare needed to see this picture.

ProbesProbes Which of the three kinds of explaining

has been most difficult for you? Why was gay-straight relationship

discussed in this essay? What are you thoughts about

relationships with disabled people? Have you encounter problems in

relationships with older persons?

Which of the three kinds of explaining has been most difficult for you?

Why was gay-straight relationship discussed in this essay?

What are you thoughts about relationships with disabled people?

Have you encounter problems in relationships with older persons?

Reading Analysis Reading Analysis

Thought provoking Reflected upon my own friendships Included relevant studies on

stereotypes Noticeable exclusions: religion and

class

Thought provoking Reflected upon my own friendships Included relevant studies on

stereotypes Noticeable exclusions: religion and

class

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