MSG JOURNAL SPRING 2012 |

Table of Contents

COVER DESIGNER: Jeff Sohn is a graduate of the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs at Syracuse

University. His interests include politics and fishing, and he has a passion for traveling the world.

Contents

Uncommon Ground

Bridging the

Cultural Gap Reconnecting

with Parents

Counseling

Youth Intergenerational

Conflicts

Children’s

Education

Intergenerational Conflicts within Korean Families

Church and

Families

Editor-In-Chief: Margaret Park is a graduate of the Risk and Prevention Program at Harvard

Graduate School of Education (HGSE). There she also earned a Certificate of Advanced Studies

in counseling and She is also a licensed K-12 school counselor. Prior to pursuing her graduate

studies at HGSE, Margaret earned a M. Ed. in Childhood Special Education from Hunter College,

spent three years teaching in New York City, and taught one year in South Korea on a Fulbright

fellowship. Currently a counselor in South Korea, she hopes that the newsletter will raise

awareness on various mental health issues and benefit the readers. For any questions

regarding this newsletter, please contact Margaret at margaretleepark@gmail.com.

Contributors

Editor

Quaime Lee is a graduate of

Harvard College, Harvard

Divinity School, and

Northeastern School of Law.

His interests include theology

and history and he has a

passion teaching adult learners.

Layout Editor

Samuel Odamah is an administrative staff

member at the Harvard Graduate School of

Education. His interest in connecting with

people has led to cherished friendships in

several cultures including the Korean and

Chinese communities. Samuel studied

Architecture, and recently, Arts in Education

at schools in Texas, Wisconsin, and Boston.

Samuel enjoys giving architectural tours of

Harvard and MIT campuses.

Table of Contents

Bridging the cultural gap between

immigrant Korean parents and their 1.5

and 2.0 Korean American children

By Josephine Kim, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC

In my 16 years of counseling, most of the

problems that have been brought to my

attention by Korean families have been

due to cultural differences between the

parents and their children. With that in mind, let’s examine the main cultural

differences that cause conflicts in our

families.

ONE: Individualistic American culture says the “I” is the most important, and

one’s opinions and feelings are highly

valued. On the other hand, Korean culture says, “what matters more is the

‘We’.” Korean culture follows a

collectivist mentality in which the group’s ideals and needs are privileged

over one person’s thoughts or feelings.

TWO: American culture says that being

independent is not only healthy but

necessary to becoming an adult; however,

Korean culture holds that

interdependence of those in the group

creates our cultural identity, which in

turn passes on our heritage and tradition.

THREE: Furthermore, American and

Korean cultures see the centrality of the

family differently. In American culture,

personal needs trump familial needs, but in Korean culture, the family’s needs are

put first. In fact, children are seen as an

extension of the parents, and they exist

to bring honor to the family.

Josephine M. Kim, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC, is

the founding executive director of

Mustard Seed Generation and Lecturer on

Education in Prevention Science and

Practice/CAS Counseling at the Harvard

Graduate School of Education.

So what can be done to bridge this

cultural gap? While it can be a long,

challenging process, here are five steps

that can help to improve the

relationships between parents and

their children:

ONE: We must all realize it is normal

and appropriate for our families to

experience intergenerational conflicts

because the two cultures we are

balancing are extremely different. We

need to accept this difficult process as

healthy, natural, and even necessary.

This attitude adjustment will allow us

to approach the situation calmly and

rationally.

TWO: The next step to bringing healing

is to educate Korean American children

on Korean culture and to provide a

cultural context for their identity.

Once they begin to understand Korean

culture, they will begin to understand

their parents more deeply.

THREE: Parents must talk about the

Korean culture with their children,

giving special attention to comparing

and contrasting it with American

culture, without condemning American

culture. The key is to remain as

objective as possible and not present the distinctions as “wrong” and “right” but simply as “different.”

FOUR: Not only is it important for

children to become familiar with the

Korean culture, but parents must also

begin to make an effort to

understand American culture.

Parents and children need to talk openly and regularly with parents’

creating space for children to teach

them about American culture.

Parents also need to adopt those “American” ways of parenting that

have been found to be the most

effective with immigrant children.

Primary among these is a more

transparent communication of

feelings and thoughts.

FIVE: Parents must also spend quality

time with their children. When

parents and children do not spend

time together, it is natural that

relationships will become distant and

uncomfortable, regardless of the

cultural background. Time is well

spent in activities and conversations

that build meaningful relationships.

Each parent should have time set

apart for each child during the week,

and each family should have at least

one weekly family gathering. Without

such time and energy investments,

stronger relationships cannot be

forged and understanding cannot

take place.

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 2

Reconnecting

with parents

through the help

of intervention

By Shinye Kim

Shinye Kim is a graduate of Busan

National University with a B.A in

Education and a graduate of the Risk

and Prevention Program at the

Harvard Graduate School of

Education. She is currently a Ph.D

student at University of Wisconsin-

Milwaukee.

When we talk about improving

communication between parents and

children, we mainly focus on the role of

parents and how they should initiate

conversations with their children.

However, this demonstrates a bias which

implies that only parents are responsible

for communicating with their children.

While I worked as an adjustment

counseling intern at a high school in

Boston, MA, the most common finding

among my students was that they did not really “talk” with their parents. This

motivated me to study this trend more

closely. Soon enough, I became

frustrated at the literature that only focused on the parents’ role and

responsibility. From my personal

experience and observations of students,

I believe it is just as important for

students to take ownership of their

interactions with their parents.

I myself did not talk very much with my

parents about my problems when I was

in grade school, but over time, I

have realized that it is extremely

helpful and important to do so.

families function best during adolescent

development when families are

adaptable and cohesive (Gaughan, 1995;

Green, Harris, 1991). Links between the

communication that occurs in the family

and adolescent outcomes have been

long found. Positive developmental

outcomes such as school achievement

(Gerogiou, 1995; Marta,1997), self-

esteem, and the ability to resolve

difficult life issues, have all been linked

with communication that is perceived as “open” by students. Conversely,

research has also shown that

detrimental adolescent outcomes such

as delinquency, pregnancy, self-harm,

rebelliousness, and alcohol and drug

abuse are linked to communication

between parents and adolescents that is perceived as “closed, conflictual,

emotional, one-sided, or devoid of certain topics” (Andrews & Others,

1995).

Thus, I propose a four-part group

workshop intervention model. I

chose a group workshop because

when students are with people

who share similar issues, they can

exchange meaningful feedback

and gain a sense of altruism.

There is also universality in

knowing they have a shared

experience. It is important to

provide them with a safe space to

disclose personal issues, so a

facilitator whom they can trust is

a must in order for this to work.

First, psychoeducation would

include educating students about

the importance of taking

responsibility for their

communication with parents. I

wish that I had learned this earlier,

especially during my middle and

high school years. Research has

shown that (Continued on next

page)

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 3

Table of Contents

Before too much teaching takes place,

students should be encouraged to share

their feelings, and the facilitator should normalize and validate the students’

feelings and frustrations with regard to

communication with their parents.

After the psycho-education, five weeks

of group counseling-based workshops

would follow. For the first week, there

would be an introduction to the group

and students would establish group

norms. The facilitator would also assure

them of the confidentiality of the

workshops. The students would then

talk about general experiences with

their parents. This would not need to be

very detailed, but the first week ought to include the students’ sharing

thoughts about their own experiences.

The main focus of the first session

would be to build rapport and cohesion

in the group.

In the second week, the facilitator

would introduce the second part of the

intervention: role-playing. During these

sessions, the students would pair off,

create scenarios, and act them out,

with one being the child and one being

the parent. The scenarios might be

based on their own experiences or the

students might come up with

hypothetical cases. Imagining

themselves as parents could help them wear their parent’s shoes. After the

pairs have played out their scenarios,

the rest of the students would observe

and offer feedback. In the end, all of

the students would share what they felt about the activity and each other’s role-

plays.

Week three would involve introducing a reflection section on their ”Try-Out” activity and discussion. ”Try-Out” is a

way for students to plan and practice a

conversation and to actually have one

successful conversation with their

parents.

Some students might think that it is the adult’s responsibility to force them to

talk. Yet it is very important to remind

them of the crucial role they play in

communicating with parents. Some

might feel that talking less with parents

is natural as one gets older. It is

understandable that teenagers want to

find their own path

Reconnecting with Parents – With the Help of Intervention

and make their own choices. However,

the facilitator should mention the

benefits of talking with parents, noting, ”You probably want their help,

advice, support, or just their company at times.” This is also a good

opportunity to mention that talking to

parents can seem

difficult or intimidating at times,

especially when discussing certain

subjects. Students would be

encouraged to share their thoughts

with the group members after the

event. Even if the conversation was not

as successful as they had hoped, it

would still be valid due to the effort

that was made. By doing this activity,

the students would be able to gain

confidence in initiating conversations

with their parents while seeing various

examples from other group members

about how to start.

During the fourth week, group members would make “critical

friends.” Students would share one

parental communication issue that they

have had and the rest of the group

members would provide meaningful

suggestions to help the student solve

the issue. The presenting students

would focus on areas in which they are

especially interested in getting

feedback. Later, the group would have

a clarifying question time in which

group members would ask questions of

the presenter. The group members then would discuss the presenter’s

issue and brainstorm about the solution.

Lastly, group members, including the

presenter, would all talk together

about the presented issue.

For the last week, group members would have a “wrap up” time. Following

the group counseling form, termination

would be similar to a group counseling

termination session. Students would be

encouraged to talk about their feelings

and thoughts on the group activities

and share them with other group

members.

With respect to evaluating the

intervention, students would first self-

report after each session about how

they felt and what knowledge they

gained. Future interventions would be

adjusted to accommodate the feedback.

Five to six weeks later, the counselor

would conduct a phone interview with

parents about how they felt about the

intervention. Through this conversation

with the parents, the facilitator could

in turn offer constructive feedback to

the students. Even if the students did

not feel that they had done a good job,

their parents might feel the difference

and appreciate their efforts.

References

Andrews, D. W., & Others, A. (1995). The

adolescent transitions…; Education and

Treatment of Children, 18(4), 478-98.

Barnes, H. L., & Olson, D. H. (1985).

Parent--adolescent communication…;

Child Development, 56(2), 438.

Carlin, D. W. (1996). "Confirming…struggle“ final report

Enger, J. M., & Others, A. (1993).

Internal/External locus …

Guo, Y. (2009). Communicating with

parents…; Journal of Educational

Thought, 43(2), 171-190.

Moorhead, P. H. (1972). Overcoming the

communication gap …; Journal of the

National Association of College

Admissions Counselors.

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 4

Counseling Korean

American Youths

by Margaret Park

with any discomfort, learn effective

communication methods, and find

means to help

the individual he or she is working with.

One of my former professors

recommended that counselors should

strive to understand cultural

differences between western and

Korean cultures. She advised avoiding simply encouraging students to “do

what feels right” or “making individual

choices that make one happy” without

considering cultural deference to

parents. Overall, she suggested

encouraging a holistic development of

self, which includes all aspects of

healthy development, including but

not limited to the intellectual part. It

is important to recognize that both

Korean and American cultures have

many positive aspects. There is value

in appreciating the strengths of both

cultures and viewing the idiosyncrasies

of each culture as different as opposed

to wrong, so steps can be taken

towards bridging the gaps between

parents and children and ultimately

creating a safe and loving environment

for families.

As someone who was born and raised

by Korean parents in the United States,

I am aware of the many challenges that

Korean Americans face including,

immigration traumas, the necessity to

navigate two cultures, and

intergenerational conflicts between

parents and children. I also have had

experience counseling Korean

American youth in clinical and school

settings and have found that my

clients/students bring up similar issues.

I asked some of my esteemed

colleagues who also are currently

counseling Korean American youth to

share their insights from their own

counseling experiences.

The counselors I interviewed observed

that their clients seemed to be overly

concerned with parental expectations,

school success, and getting into a “good” college. They also expressed

worry over making decisions. Moreover,

many counselors described their

Korean American clients expressing

feelings of inadequacy and ensuing

shame and guilt.

Korean American youth are fortunate

to have access to school counselors,

whose responsibilities include

supporting students so they can be

successful in school. The counselors’ roles encompass not

only providing a safe space for students

to talk about and process the counselor

to be empathetic

various life issues but also supporting

students with personal/social and career

development issues.

Overall, counselors play a vital role in

guiding students to make informed

decisions and ensuring that students

become well-adjusted and assiduous

adults.

As counselors, it is helpful that we are

aware that our values may influence our

practice. Effective counselors have a

strong sense of self-awareness; they also

understand their own cultural

conditioning, the conditioning of their

clients, and the sociopolitical system

they (the counselors) are in (Corey, 25).

When working with Korean American

students, it is useful to keep in mind--

without making overly broad

generalizations about the cultural

characteristics--the values, family

dynamics, acculturation issues, and

help-seeking patterns and attitudes. One

should recognize the impact of family on

Korean Americans and, as often as

possible, the use of family counseling as

the principal treatment modality.

In other words, if a student is having

difficulties stemming from family

dynamics, counselors may also find it

helpful to encourage outside family

counseling. However, because of Korean Americans’ sensitivity to shame and

unfamiliarity/skepticism toward

counseling, the chances of their

considering therapy can be low (Kim,

2005). Thus, it is important for

Margaret Park is a graduate of the Risk

and Prevention Program at Harvard

Graduate School of Education (HGSE),

where she earned an M.Ed. as a

prevention specialist. She also earned a

Certificate of Advanced Studies in

counseling at HGSE and is a licensed K-

12 school counselor.

References

Corey,G. (2009). Theory and Practice of

Counseling and Psychotherapy.

Yea Sun Eum, K. (2005). Guidelines and

Strategies for Cross-Cultural Counseling

Journal of Multicultural Counseling &

Development, 33(4), 217-231.

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 5

Korean American adolescents must

balance two starkly different worlds: “the American world outside the home

and the world of their non-Americanized families” (Kim, Sarason,

and Sarason, 2006, p. 6). This aim of

integrating and balancing both Korean

and American cultures can lead to

conflict between parents and children,

particularly in the acculturation

experiences of both parties.

Varied rates of acculturation can

exacerbate conflict between parents

and children and can manifest itself as “emotional distance between parents

and children, interpersonal problems,

lack of self-confidence and

assertiveness, and anxiety and depression” (Ahn et al., 2008, p. 353).

Kim et al. (2006) found that Korean parents’ acculturation levels are

critical to their children’s

psychological health. Acculturation

involves four classifications:

Integration (a balance of both

cultures); Separation (adhering to only

the Korean culture); Assimilation

(completely adopting American

culture;: and Marginalization

(rejecting both Korean and American

culture) (Kim, Cain, & McCubbin,

2006). As may be expected, Korean

American, integrated adolescents are

much healthier emotionally than

marginalized adolescents.

Korean American children and

parents find themselves in conflict

because they must confront multiple

issues of integration (acculturation)

and identity simultaneously. In a

culture in which Confucian ideals are

Table of Contents

Immigration’s

impact on

intergenerational

conflict

By Jennifer Sohn, Ed.M., C.A.S

Jennifer Sohn is a graduate of

HGSE and Wellesley College. She

loves her immigrant parents very

much and is happy to be able to

make them proud.

embedded even in the language structure, “parents often equated

being ‘American’ with loss of respect

for elders – that is, the opposite of what it means to be ‘Korean’” (Lew,

2006, p. 77). As they strive to

transition into American culture, first

generation mothers and fathers are

more likely to be focused on

providing for the basic needs for their children and families “rather

than learning American culture and English” (Kim & Wolpin, 2008, p. 115).

As a result of this focus on survival

and because the parents are

struggling with their own

acculturation, parents may find that

they are unable to adequately address their children’s needs.

Negotiating the “cultural beliefs,

values, and attitudes implicitly absorbed during childhood” (Kim et

al., 2006, p. 6) as well as the “incongruity between their parents’

values, and the values held by American society” (Kim et al., 2006,

p. 6) is a really difficult task for

Korean American adolescents. This

tension between the values at home

and outside of the home can impact adolescents’ self-identity, which can

lead to psychological distress (Kim et

al., 2006). At the same time, Korean

American parents know that their

children need to be knowledgeable

about American values and customs

in order to be successful both

academically and socially (Kim &

Wolpin, 2008), but this does not

diminish their desire for their

children to be bilingual and

bicultural.

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 6

Table of Contents

Education is seen as a tangible method

through which Korean American

children can advance in American

society. Korean parents see education as “an effective, if not the only, way to

achieve economic mobility” (Lew, 2006,

p. 27), however, parents are not the

only ones who hold this belief. Lew

(2006) found that Korean American

children also believe that education is

the key to long-term economic and

career successes. Even though Korean

American children also had academic

aspirations, Lew (2006) also found that

they struggled to reconcile their parents’ expectations and desires with

their own expectations and desires. Korean American parents’ lofty

expectations and close surveillance of the children’s progress may be

interpreted by their children “as signs

of distrust, hostility, and disapproval” and parents may “feel betrayed and

upset that their children are not making

choices that are consistent with their cultural values” (Ahn et al., 2008, p.

354).

It is quite natural for Korean parents to

get together and talk about their

children, the colleges they attend,

what careers they plan to pursue, and

what career they have achieved. While their children’s success may be of great

pride to Korean parents, some of the children “expressed resentment and

anger toward their parents and co-ethnic adults,” reacting to

objectification based on their

achievements. Korean American

students are not only expected to

excel in school, but their performance is tied to their family reputation: “How

parents were perceived by their co-

ethnic peers hinged, in part on how their children performed in school”

(Lew, 2006, p.37). As a result, Korean

American children feel the pressures of

academic success on an individual as well as collective level: the students’

successes have the power to provide

social mobility and honor to the family,

but can also be a source of shame

and/or social exclusion (Lew, 2006)

and they also feel that their

parents are unable to give them the

practical tools (advice about school or

jobs) to succeed, but nevertheless

expect excellence.

By applying a culturally sensitive

approach to conflict resolution and “given that a traditional Korean

parent-child relationship is

characterized by respect and

obedience, cognitively flexible

children could have the skills to

develop creative methods to

accommodate this traditional

cultural expectation while satisfying their own needs” (Ahn et al., 2008, p.

360). Children and parents both play

a critical role in understanding one

another in the context of their

immigration histories and can benefit

greatly from communicating with one

another about their lives. By providing insight on parents’

histories as well as exploring the

realities of living in America, children

and parents can begin to bridge the

intergenerational gap.

Immigration’s impact on intergenerational conflict

“따라해봐 -

I am proud to be Korean

American!”

“I am proud

to be Korean

American”

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 7

References

Ahn, A. J., Kim, B. S. K., & Park, Y.S. (2008).

Asian cultural values gap, cognitive flexibility,

coping strategies, and parent-child conflicts

among Korean Americans. Cultural Diversity &

Ethnic Minority Psychology, 14 (4), 353-363.

Kim, D., Sarason, B. R., & Sarason, I.G. (2006).

Implicit social cognition and culture: Explicit

and implicit psychological acculturation, and

distress of Korean-American young adults.

Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 25

(1), 1-32.

Lew, J. (2006). Asian Americans in Class: Charting the Achievement Gap Among Korean American Youth. New York, NY:

Teachers College Prep.

Kim, E., Cain, K., & McCubbin, M. (2006).

Maternal and paternal parenting, acculturation, and young adolescents’

psychological adjustment in Korean American

families. Journal of Child and Adolescent

Psychiatric Nursing, 19 (3), 112-129.

Kim, E. & Wolpin, S. (2008). The Korean

American family: Adolescents versus parents

acculturation to American culture. Journal of

Cultural Diversity, 15 (3), 108-116.

Moon, S.S. (2008). Acculturation, social

support, and family conflict: Korean-American adolescents’ perceptions. Child and Adolescent

Social Work Journal, 25 (3), 227-240.

Parents’ passion for

children’s education and

intergenerational conflicts By SooHyun Baek

Korean parents are famous for their passion for children’s education.

According to Korean national

statistics, 13% of the average total

income per household is spent on children’s education—the second

largest household expenditure (Statistics Korea, 2010). The parents’ passion for children’s education has

served as an impetus of remarkable

economic growth and national

development of Korea (Jung, 2009;

Hyun et al., 2003). However,

nowadays parental zeal concerning their children’s educational

advancement is being criticized due

to various educational issues

associated with this enthusiasm

(Hyun et al., 2003). Particularly,

many intergenerational conflicts

within Korean families are often caused by parents’ excessive

emphasis on education and the

resulting demands on their children

(Hyun et al., 2003; You et al., 2000;

Cho, 1999 etc.). Last year, a 13-

year-old boy deliberately set fire to

his house and killed his entire family,

including his parents, younger sister

and grandmother. His rage was

against his father for not allowing

him to attend an arts high school

and for forcing him to go to an

academic high school, which

led him down a path of no return

(Josunilbo, Oct. 21. 2010). This tragedy was the result of parents’

excessive focus on education while ignoring their children’s desires and

opinions.

In general, an unhealthy parental emphasis on their children’s education

is expressed through the parents’

unreasonable educational expectations

of their children, excessive control

over their study habits, or pressure for

better achievement. All of these

behaviors and attitudes trigger various

types of intergenerational conflicts.

You et al. (2000) found that more than

27% of runaway teenagers in Korea left

home as a way out of parental control and schoolwork pressure. Parents’

stress on school performance not only

causes external issues such as student

delinquency but it also triggers students’ internal conflicts like mental

stress.

In Hyun et al. (2003), many Korean

students demonstrated emotional

difficulties and psychological

stresses like test anxiety due to their parents’ expectations of school

achievement. Among all school-aged

students, Middle school students in

particular, who experience rather

dramatic physical and psychological

changes, were the most susceptible to

those stresses. They reported that they

felt significant mental pressure when

their parents expected improvement

on school performance; when they

were told to study hard at home; and

when their parents compared their

grades with those of their peers. Given

that the educational enthusiasm is

rooted in a universal desire of parents

to provide

Soohyun Baek earned her Ed. M in

Human Development and Psychology at

HGSE. She is currently a researcher at

Korea Research Institute for Vocational

Education and Training (KRIVET) in

Seoul.

their children with better education,

its resulting problems should not be

unique to in Korea. Yet this zeal

seems to be causing more serious

social problems when compared to

other countries. This is because the

conflicts are being uniformly

manifested across a whole society

that places a high priority on

attending prestigious universities.

This is grounded in the historical and

cultural background that emphasizes

the important role and status of

school in the Korean society (Hyun et

al., 2003). Therefore, on one hand,

education programs for appropriate

child education should be developed

for parents to change the negative

trend of Korean educational

enthusiasm to a healthy and positive

direction. On the other hand, it is

important to provide educational

and mental support systems for

children to minimize the

intergenerational conflicts aroused by Korean parents’ educational

enthusiasm, such as programs to help

students to better understand their parents’ generation and to

communicate more effectively with

their parents; and group or

individual counseling to support

them in dealing with their mental

and emotional difficulties.

Furthermore, governmental efforts

in establishing a climate that

appreciates individual abilities more

than individual academic credentials

or backgrounds will be another key

to helping to deal with this issue

from its root.

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 8

How the church

can help families

bridge the

generation gap

By David Larry Kim

David Larry (DL) Kim is the Lead Pastor at

Harvest, an inter-generational English-

speaking congregation of the Korean

Presbyterian Church of Orlando. He is

joyfully married to Olivia and is the happy father of Emmanuelle (“Manny”). He is

thrilled and cannot wait to meet his son

who will be joining his family soon.

have paved the way for them.

But ministry is not fully inter-

generational unless families are

involved. So we began meeting with

our Korean-speaking congregation, to

which many of the parents belong.

Out of this came a desire to bring

together parents, teachers and youth,

which spawned bi-monthly ParTAY!

Times (Parent, Teacher, And Youth).

These meetings were birthed out of a

longing to create systems for the

church to work alongside families in

the discipleship and healing ministry

of our youth. Our Korean-American

culture has become so busy and so

specialized that parents outsource

almost everything to others. Our

children take piano lessons from one

person, use a tutor for help in school,

and attend sports practices with still

someone else. One family in Orlando

even hired a nanny every day to

watch TV with the children so that

the mother could sleep and watch TV

in her own room undisturbed for

hours every day!

Our ParTAY! Times were thus borne

out of necessity. While outsourcing

has some benefit, the responsibility

for raising and spiritually discipling

children must be a collaborative

effort. We saw the devastating

effects of sin in the lives of our youth

when these roles have been

outsourced or ignored.

I remember I was hanging out with a

group of people the first time I heard

someone say it. It had been a long

night and it was time to go home. I

remember being appalled that

someone had actually thought, and I

was even more shocked when someone said out loud, “Let’s make like a

Korean church and split.”

There is a steadily growing rift in many

first and second-generation Korean

American churches, leading to divisions

not because of politics or preferences

or sin, but because of generational

issues. Some of these are legitimate

and healthy. Others are not.

Unfortunately, one of the primary God-

given means to bringing healing has

become the cause of pain for many. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

In his book Courageous Leadership Bill Hybels writes, “There is nothing like

the local church when it’s working

right. Its beauty is indescribable. Its

power is breathtaking. Its potential is

unlimited. . . Whatever the

capacity for human suffering, the

church has a greater capacity for healing and wholeness. . .”

I believe that the Korean church can

still be this kind of place--of beauty,

power, potential and healing. We’re seeing it in our little corner of

the world in Orlando. For the past nine

years, our English-speaking

congregation has been intentional

about being inter-generational,

including incorporating youth and

adults in worship. We now have

worshipers between the ages of 12 and

50 with roughly 40-45% being students

and the remainder being single or

married adults. This has fostered a

family-friendly environment where

mentoring can naturally take place.

In keeping with the call of Kara Powell

of Fuller Youth Ministry, Mark Matlock

of Youth Specialties, and others, we

have actively encouraged the older

generation to lead the younger better

and for the younger congregants to

pray for those who

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 9

Table of Contents

Furthermore, the senior pastor of our

Korean Ministry (KM) also did not want

to see this generation lost. Therefore,

we began to communicate this to our

key youth leaders and the parents of

our youth. We took extensive surveys of

parents and youth, asking them about

their relationships, their struggles,

their secrets, seeking to create a

culture of openness. Blindly thinking

the best of their kids, so many parents

did not want to believe that their

children were suffering or at risk. But

once they saw that the crisis was real

and within their own homes, they were

ready to listen. Many were shocked at

the extent to which their own children

struggle with issues such as same-sex

attraction, drug use and suicidal

thoughts. Yet into this brokenness,

grace and the gospel can truly be

received.

We framed our ParTAY! Times as a

collaboration between the church and

families to help raise disciples of Christ.

Each month, prior to the meeting, we

would distribute either surveys or questionnaires to “prime the pump” for

the ParTAY! Time. When the day came,

we would provide lunch before meeting

together in the main sanctuary. To

facilitate communication we would

begin with an update on the youth

ministry, followed by sharing a few

words to frame the discussion. Then

there would be a large-group teaching

on a given topic, such as

communication, love languages,

cultural differences and struggles teens

face. After large group time,

participants went to their respective

Sunday School classes. There, parents

and children would meet in discussions

facilitated by the teachers. As a culture

of trust became established, and

attendees came to see that the other

parties were not the enemy, great

potential for healing became clear.

From the outset, many tears were shed.

Secrets were revealed. Hurts were

surrendered. Forgiveness was extended.

Reconciliation occurred. It is said that “Revealing the feeling is the start of

healing.” For many,

ParTAY! Times were the beginning point

of healing. During one session, Young, the

father of a high-school junior named Sang,

spoke of how proud he was of his son.

Sang had an older brother named Myung

who was brilliant at math. Young was a

math professor in Korea and always doted

on Myung because he saw so much of

himself in him. Whenever Myung did well

in school, Young praised and celebrated

him. Sang on the other hand, was a state

champion soccer player but was never

recognized for his talents. When Young

began to share about how much he loved

his son and asked forgiveness for the

favoritism he had shown to Myung, tears streamed down Sang’s face. He would

later tell his dad, “I never knew that you

loved me that much.”

As a result of these gatherings,

testimonies have flowed freely. ParTAY!

Times have opened up opportunities for

teachers to get involved in the lives of

the families outside of church. Parents

have invited teachers into their homes

so that together they can better minister

to their children. Parents feed the

teachers great food and teachers have

acted as bridges between the parents and

their children. As a result, parents and

their children are talking more at home.

Children have begun to

How the church can help families bridge the generation gap

view the home as a safe place to be

real and vulnerable.

Teachers have emphasized the need

for families to worship, share and

pray together. During family

worship, parents and children are

now talking about issues in their

lives that would otherwise not have

been shared. One high school

student who had long harbored

bitterness and mistrust towards her

parents said that her family had

committed to regular devotion time,

no matter how hard it may have

been. In the midst of praying for one

another, she said that her eyes

started to water at the joy of

worshiping the Lord with her family.

This would not have happened

without the prodding of her teacher.

As a result, a generation is growing

up embracing family and

appreciating the breathtaking power

and potential of the church.

People have said that the church is

always just one generation away

from extinction. However, it is

possible for a generation to be saved.

AND it is possible for a generation to

see the life-giving power of the

church. But in order for the next

generation to be nurtured in hope and faith, it must be a joint effort

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 10

We must do this together.

What is SO great

about a son

anyway?

By Sarah Sunah Hyun

neglected. What was so great about

the son? Why did many women

including my mother have to suffer

so much because of something that

cannot be controlled?

I believe nobody in this world can

give a legitimate answer to that

question. Who can be the judge of

whether the son is greater than the

daughter? Many countries--including

Korea--have (had) male chauvinistic

cultures. Women (girls) are still

suffering astonishingly because of

such bias. Thankfully, Korea has changed as evidenced in my sister’s

relationship with her mother-in-law.

Even though my sister had a

daughter as her first child, my

niece was very welcomed and loved.

Young parents from our generation

prefer a daughter rather than a son. There is a funny saying, “딸 2명 있

으면 200점, 딸 1명 아들 1명 있으면 100점, 아들 2명 있으면 0점.” It

shows how much the rotten

intergenerational conflict between my grandparents’ and parents’

generation has changed.

Now my mother chuckles when she

reminisces about her relationship

with my grandparents. Often when

she visits my grandfather’s grave,

she murmurs to my grandfather

how she is proud of her two

daughters. I truly hope Korean 며느리들 (daughters-in-law) no longer

suffer or experience painful

conflicts with their parents-in-law

due to something that is God’s will.

At 5:30 AM, the phone rang. The

tranquility of dawn was unexpectedly broken. “Hello?” my mom answered

the phone quietly. Few minutes later

she slowly put the phone down and

she burst out crying. I did not know

why she was crying nor did I know

that it was my grandfather who had

called that morning. I was only 10

and too young to understand the

agony my mother faced in her daily

struggle with my grandparents about

not giving them a son. When the 9 o’clock news aired the

previous night, there was a news

report about a 3.5 kg baby boy who

was thrown away by a 15-year-old girl

after delivering him in a public

restroom. My grandfather had called

the next morning to tell my mom to

adopt that baby.

My father is the eldest son of the

Hyun family (a.k.a. 장손), and

according to the tradition and ritual,

our family needed a son who can

carry down the family name. Even

though my immediate family was very

happy with my sister and me, my

grandparents obviously were not. I

used to hate the fact that I was a girl.

If only I was born as a son, my

parents and grandparents would have

been extremely happy. Also, my

mother would not have to go through

such emotional stress over the years. It wasn’t until years later that I

realized this reality in my family was

not just from having mean

grandparents; in fact, a lot of Korean

daughters-in-law have undergone

cold rebukes because they did not

have a son. 장명소 (a place where

people pay money to

receive a meaningful name from a

fortuneteller; a lot of mothers used to

visit 장명소 to obtain a name that will

bring a son to their family) were very

popular among my mother’s generation.

Many books were published that taught

mothers how to conceive a son. It was

common to see many families with

five/six daughters and have a son as the

youngest child. Many women led a

difficult married life at the hands of their

parents-in-law because they did not have

a son. There were many rituals that the

family would celebrate whenever the son

was born, but none for the birth of a

daughter. Rather than celebrating having

a girl, many mothers felt ashamed and

were

Sarah Hyun graduated from

Harvard Graduate School of

Education (HGSE) and is

currently working at

Korean Educational

Development Institute in

Korea.

MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 11

Folk Games

A variety of folk games are played on

Chuseok to celebrate the coming of

autumn and a rich harvest. Village folk

dress themselves to resemble cows or

turtles and go from house to house, along

with a Nongak band playin gmusic. Other

common folk games played on Chuseok are

tug-of-war, ssireum, archery, and gama

fighting, although folk games also vary

from region to region. The Gangansulae

dance, forming a circle under the moon, is

performed by women and children in

southwestern coastal regions, while

cockfighting and bullfighing occur in the

southern regions.

Chuseok

by Shinye Kim

Chuseok is a major harvest festival and a three-day

holiday in Korea, originally known as Hangawi (한가위)

(from archaic Korean for “great middle“).

Traditional Customs

In modern South Korea, on Chuseok

there is a mass exodus of Koreans to

their hometowns to pay respect to

the spirits of their ancestors. People

perform ancestral worship rituals

early in the morning. They often visit

the tombs of their immediate

ancestors to prune plants and clean

the area around the tomb, and offer

food, drink, and crops to their

ancestors. Harvest crops are

attributed to the blessing of

ancestors.

One of the major foods prepared and

eaten during the Chuseok holiday is

songpyeon (송편), a crescent-shaped

rice cake which is steamed upon pine

needles. Other foods commonly

prepared are japchae, bulgogi, and

fruits.

Chuseok is a major harvest festival

and a three-day holiday in Korea,

originally known as Hangawi (한가위) (from archaic Korean for “great

middle“). Falling on the 15th day of

the 8th month of the lunar

calendar, its concept is similar to

the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S.

Origins

Historically and according to popular

belief, Chuseok originates from Gabae.

Gabae started during the reign of the

third king of the kingdom of Silla (57 BC -

935 AD), involving a month-long weaving

contest between two teams. On the day

of Gabae, the team that had woven more

cloth would win and be treated to a

feast by the losing team. However, it is

also said that Chuseok marks the day

Silla won the great victory over the rival

kingdom of Balhae. It is believed that

weaving and archery competitions and

martial arts demonstrations were held as

part of the festivities.

Many scholars also believe Chuseok may

originate from ancient shamanistic

celebrations of the harvest moon.

References

The Academy of Korean Studies, ed.

(1991), "Chuseok", Encyclopedia of

Korean People and Culture, Woongjin

(in Korean)

Farhadian, Charles E. (2007). Christian

Worship Worldwide. Wm. Bm.

Eerdmans Publishing.

Korea University Institute of Korean

Culture, ed (1982). "Social Life".

Korean Heritage Overview. 1. Korea

University (in Korean)

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