The Vamps Vamp

Kevin Murphy

I learned guitar in the strangest way. I was living with a vampire at the time. He stayed out on the couch. I didnt know he was a vampire. We gave him a better couch. My brother and I humped it pretty far. We got him a sheet even.

My mom came and bought us a table. She was good. She came on mothers day. Things were OK. She left.

Then I knew he was a vampire. I couldnt do anything about it.

I was learning guitar though. It seemed like it kept him away. I got as good as Fahey. Id picked up stuff in New Orleans to. It kept voodoo away to. It only works for so long I learned though.

Then the vamp moved. Hed been working on my brother while I was at work. They started chumming and then he had his cloak and Id see spots of blood on the ground and my brother seemed off. He seemed gay. He seemed Anyways, I was paralyzed. I got 3 a.m. paralyzed. I spilled a glass on her bra. She made dinner out of nothing. Nothing in the fridge nothing in the cabinets but she made something. She was beautiful. A waitress. One of the best.

She was gone. And the vamp. The vamp works at night. I started to get ultra paralyzed. I wondered about my brother. I felt guilty. I felt real bad. He was a weird vamp. He did more vamp work by filling your head. He was a head vamp. He couldnt vamp me because Ive been through communion. But hed vamp my bro. Well, he couldnt vamp him either.

Anyways, I was out on the porch with that vamp many a time. And in the day he was kind. He was weakened. He was just like you or me. Id tell him you just gotta talk to someone vamp. Tell them how your mama hurt you. Tell them. And pretty soon you wont be a vamp. Hed smile and get hopeful and it seemed

Wed go out and make music but that was in the chamber. The weird daze room. We both agreed on that. Me, and the vamp. Wed do a man vamp chum on not going there. But I drove the tryrant from there. It was me as David. He was Goliath. That was all I wanted.

I broke the daze room and sent the snake away. I broke Goliaths daze. Yeah, the whole neighborhood lit up. It was beautiful. The guitar gleamed like a sweet sword and he left with his Jerry Garcia pack and the Mexican mothers came out from the ghetto and celebrated in the street and cooked gordita, quesadilla, to the sound of Spanish classic accordion jubilation.

And the mechanic and his newborn son danced. Everyone finally had a chance as he rode away.

But the vamp. I started thinking about who the vamps vamp might have been. Cuz every vamp has a vamp that makes him into a vamp. Its geneaology. Genealogy of vamps.

I broke the daze. I broke some hearts. I broke the chains holdin me in Austin.

I left and came home.

When I got back my friends told me how thin I was. I got wild n crazy. I chummed with old chums. They wouldnt drop it. How come youre so thin. I guess that vamp was suckin on me too, I said.

what?

The vamp

What?

I guess you wouldnt understand, see, I was living with a vampire down in Texas. I thought he wasnt affecting me in anyway. But I guess he was coming into my room at night. I should have locked my doors.

Ok. Is that what really happened?

Yeah, Im trying to find that vamps vamp

The what?

The vamps vamp

And then I saw it. The blood there to. My old chum back up this way was the vamps vamp. I didnt know what to do. I called the fuzz.

The vamps vamp

The what

They didnt have their guns drawn, which surprised the hell out of me.

They told me they were gonna take care of it. I slept pretty good.

I woke up and I guess they had taken care of it. Turns out it takes a couple of years for all the vamp to get out of you. Im happy to report, Im vamp free. Ive been vamp free for almost three years. If you know somebody thats suffering from vampression, call your nearest vamp cage person immediately. Vamps are not to be taken lightly. Faced head on, vamp issues can be overcome, one night at a time.