Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy, my concurrent Prettacy and Uglacy. This is Chapter 3.5--I suggest reading the others if you haven't already. There is much plotting and Eeevil.

That up there is Cypress, Uglacy spare.

And now we will rejoin Calista's birthday celebration next door at the Prettacy.

"So, Banyan, now that my brother's off at college, I have all the Eeevil my house has to offer at my disposal.""Uh, yeah, about the Eeevil thing--I'm not too keen on the Eeevil. I just want to meet people and make loads of awesome friends!"

"I mean, think about it, Cy! We could get all your minions together, and hang out, maybe break out the bubble blower and a hot tub, throw one awesome party..."

"Hmmmmm. Your idea intrigues me, minion. Could it be some sort of Eeevil party?"

"Perhaps we could plot the downfall of my brother at this theoretical party?""Um... I guess?"

"I'm the Eeevillest person in this town, Banyan. I need minions, and I can't afford to lose you. When we're all in college, we can throw an Eeevil party a week if it keeps you happy.""Honestly, Cy--does it have to be an Eeevil party?""It's the only kind I can throw."

"Now, Bana, how to get your sister Sycamore away from Larch and over to my side?"

Larch: *mutters* "Idiot."

"I swear, Cypress is taking 'stealth' lessons from Dad. He watched me walk past him! My brother may be an Eeevil Knowledge Sim, but he really is sort of a moron."

"Must make a minion out of Juniper!"

*sigh* June, I hope we've learned an important lesson about playing punching games with your Eeevil cousin."Ow!"

"Hey, Bana, there's a cute guy over there!""Oh Em Gee, where?"

"Hehehe.""Hey, wait a minute..."

"Doubleyoo Tee Eff, Larch?""Er... Just seeing if you were paying attention?""Man, your brother was right about you--you really suck at cheating!"

OK, there are soooo many things wrong with this that I had to include it. That's Larch. Naked. In Isaac and Calista's Love Tub. With his elderly mother. Somewhere, Oedipus is weeping.

And it just occurred to me that I'll have THREE Sims with 10 Outgoing points in college in the same place at the same time. I may never see swimsuits in hot tubs again. Fanfreakingtastic. Oodles and oodles of naked Eeevil. *headdesk*

"Look, Cypress, just because you followed me home from school doesn't mean I have to be nice to you! Quite the opposite, in fact!""Look yourself, Cami. You have three nice points, I have one. Don't start anything you can't finish.""Likewise! Don't think I don't know what you're trying to pull with my sister Banyan--you're exploiting her popularity and her need for friends for your own ends."

"And that's different from what my brother's doing with you how?""Larch made me Eeevil. Bana's nice--too nice for you and your games, Cy! If she doesn't figure it out herself, I'll help her see you for what you really are.""Hah! I've got Bana wrapped around my little finger. All you have to do is promise her a connection or two, and she's eating out of your palm. What can you do for her that I can't?"

"I have just enough nice points to want her to not be your puppet, and just few enough to be able to do something about it if I have to! Think about that, you selfish little creep!""I'm not going to back down. You don't scare me one bit, Sycamore."

"Maybe I should!""Gah, is there anyone who hasn't given me a noogie?"

OK, Banyan isn't even in the room, and everyone's thinking about her. Popularity is the perfect Aspiration for her.

And where is Banyan during all this Banyan-worship? On a date with Weird Goth Guy!

"Er, Supreme Nerd? Are you sending this guy to college with me? Because he's kind of weird."Nope, he'll be staying in Townieland as Aspiration Fodder for future generations."Awesome! Hey, Weird Goth Guy, you're cute! Ish."

"Man, I hope the black lipstick doesn't come off on me. Emo is SO not awesome."There are people who would disagree with you, but they're off writing bad poetry and feeling sorry for themselves. And I believe he's Goth anyway."Whatever. I just want to be in Platinum when I go to college."Fair enough.

"Gosh, Banyan, your eyes are like two blue pools of infinite despair that pull me in to their eternal torment.""Totally emo."Right. Weird Goth Guy will henceforth be known as Weird Emo Guy."And your hair is like the blackness of my soul.""Is this date over yet?"You get more points for Dream Date. Sorry.

"Are we at Dream Date yet? He's started speaking in bad haiku."Almost."You smell like rosesCrushed beneath the ebon bootsOf my soldier soul.""That doesn't even make sense. Weirdo."

"Ick, he tastes like Gauloises and despair."Dream Date!"OK, BYE NOW Weird Emo Guy!""But my heart aches without you! Oh wait, that's sort of awesome.""I am awesome!"

And with the date with Weird Emo Guy under her belt, Bana heads off to college. Isaac was at work, but Calista and Juniper were there to see her off. Sycamore was still arguing with Cypress on the balcony.

How popular is Banyan? For the first time ever in my Simming history, she gets phone calls from total strangers AFTER she's left for college. She doesn't live at the Prettacy house, and won't be moving back, and I have no idea how to make these people stop calling.

"Gosh, that naked guy in the hot tub the other day was strange. He looked sort of familiar, though."

I know some of you are probably thinking, "Supreme Nerd is totally exaggerating PseudoBruty's complete apathy towards her children." And I am totally not. This is pretty typical of PseudoBruty--Cy's there with "Chat" under her picture in his queue, and she's playing fetch with a strange dog. Mind you, this is all autonomous. This right here is why I call her PseudoBruty instead of her actual name--she fails to deserve recognition.

He might be Eeevil, but he looks so harmless when he's asleep.

Beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep...Hey wait, I remember that noise!

It's like a game of Clue! I pick...

PseudoBruty in the kitchen with pancakes!

Ten cooking points, people. TEN! And she STILL lights the kitchen on fire. And then looks around like, "Who, me?"

Yeah, I could install a sprinkler, but where would be the fun in that?

PseudoBruty: "Fire! Fire! Fire! Why does this always happen to me?"Cy's reaction? "Hmm, hungry. Well, I'll just reach through these here flames and get some food. Lalalalala."I was actually worried he was going to catch on fire.

And this is why I love Sims. There's PseudoBruty, thisclose to being enveloped in a green stank cloud, and Orson breaks into song, while the pan full of scorched food smolders on the stove.

I lost the game of Clue, by the way. It was an omelet, not pancakes. I made her eat it. She failed to get sick.

Orson: "You're still my sweetie, even if you are a bit of a pyromaniac."PseudoBruty: "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me, Martin."Orson: "Jeez, that doesn't even start with an 'O'."Cy: "Can we hold off on the creepy old people romance until I get on the bus, please and thank you?"

"Mmmmm... Girl..."

To stifle any questions about whether Cy is actually Eeevil, this is the face he made when I told him to flirt with Melody Tinker. This kid is a burgeoning sociopath. It's like, when he gets married, his wife will find the dessicated bodies of all the other women he was married to shoved in a closet or something.

"Being nice to someone? Grrrrrrrrr."

"Has anyone told you about the exciting world of minioning?""Are you going to kiss me, or just keep making that annoyed face?"

"Gah, fine, I'll make with the smoochies."Yes, because you have to be FORCED to kiss the girl you have a TWO-BOLT attraction for. It's not like you have negative bolts, you dink."Whatever, can't I joy-buzzer her?"NO!

Cy heads off for college. Orson's there with the wave. PseudoBruty's off the hook for this one; she was at work.

Whoa, Isaac, promotion, eh?"Yes, and I don't even care because my LTW has nothing to do with a job, and everything to do with dating, which I notice you haven't let me do in several days!"Sorry. There were birthdays and college going-tos."Some OTHER player would have gotten me to 50 Dream Dates by now."Yeah, well, you got stuck with me. At least only one of your children is Eeevil."I don't get Aspiration Points for that."Shut up and go to work.

June enjoys a date with Leo Someone. Random Teen Townie Aspiration Fodder, basically.

"You realize I have an Eeevil twin and two Eeevil cousins, right? And if you whack me too hard with that pillow, all the Eeevil I can muster will rain down upon you?""Jeez, it's just a pillow!"

"Mmmm, Aspiration Fodder. Hooray!""I'm a Pleasure Sim too! Yesss for smoochies and Platinum plumbbob!""Aren't you glad my LTW is so much easier than Dad's?"Honey, you have NO idea!

What is it with Random Voyeur Townies busting in on my dates? June and Leo are getting their Make Out on, and Captain Creepo there is just hanging out and watching.

I have no idea what this is about. Random Aspiration Fodder Leo is raking leaves. I know I didn't tell anyone to Influence him to do it, so someone must have done it autonomously? Or maybe he's just a crazy neat freak? He did this until the wee hours of the morning, not that I'm complaining. Then, amusingly enough, he dropped off the rose bouquet and an expensive TV. Apparently, forcing your dates to do manual labor equals Goodies in Riverblossom Hills.

"So Dad, I talked to Larch earlier and he said he knows about me being heir, and that a college buddy of his would be perfect for me to marry. Attractive and whatnot, and that's the only real requirement, right?""Well, it is a plus, June, but you should love him too. Lightning bolts definitely make for a better relationship. And don't put much stock into what those Uglacy boys say.""Why?"

"June, listen, this is important. Your cousin Larch is the Uglacy heir. And he's Eeevil. Whatever you do, don't get sucked into that web of Eeevil and drama. Your concern is the Prettacy. The closer you get to Larch and Cypress, the more likely it is that the Prettacy will be collateral damage.""But they're my cousins! I like both of them, Dad. Plus, I don't want my kids growing up not knowing my cousins.""Just be careful, then. If it looks like there's trouble brewing, get yourself out of it. Promise me you won't get involved in the Uglacy feud.""I promise."

"Hey, Gypsy Matchmaker Goopynose! I need some Aspiration Fodder, and I have three nice points, so he'd better be good! Or else!""As you wish!"

"Two bolts! Sweet!""Enjoy, dear!"Hey, waitaminute, he looks familiar...

"This hurts like being dropped from a height through someone's porch stairs."It's Weird Emo Guy! And hey, that wasn't even a metaphorical sentence."Well, I'm in REAL pain. Ouch!"

"Take that, Banyan Reject!""Feather pillow tothe face is not a normalsort of a greeting.""Your haiku suck! Eat feathers, Weird Emo Guy!"

"Eh, he's still good for smoochies, though.""This seems familiar.Didn't I do this beforeWith her big sister?"

"Iiiiiii'm iiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnVISIBLE!"

Hahahahahahahahaha! This is what you get when you have a combination of three nice points, three serious points, and a Pleasure Sim. I don't even remember what I asked her to do here, other than that it was some sort of flirt. At least she didn't make Eeevil face like Cypress.

Unlike Random Aspiration Fodder Leo, Weird Emo Guy doesn't bother to tidy up around the ol' Prettacy homestead."Bubbles, wheeeeee!"Yup--Weird Emo Guy is a Pleasure Sim too.

Heh, Isaac, aren't you glad I made you do all that mopping in college?"No. Date now?"Dude, your wife's in her undies, and you're still platinum from the last date!"Pleasure Sim!"OK, finish mopping first, though.

"Yeah, I'm totally hot and you know it!"And you're off to college. Shoo!

"Someone has annoyed me. Someone must pay."Aaaand you're off to college too! Scat!

I sent Cami and June off to college through the Neighborhood view, so no touching family goodbyes. And what are the Founders and their spouses up to?

"EMPTY NEST! Yesssss! Pleasure Sim happy!""Family Sim happy too!"

So I changed her turnons to white hair and glasses, and his turnons to white hair and makeup, and now they have one whole bolt. You know who else Calista has one bolt for? Larch. As in, her nephew, Eeevil Larch. Who has neither white hair nor glasses. Larch reciprocates, by the way.

"Oh, Ollie, kiss me like I've never been kissed before!""Only if you promise to call me Orson! Ah, who am I kidding. Just promise to stop lighting the kitchen on fire!"

And a brief look at the college years...

Cypress (in the jeans) vies for Eeevil supremacy with Larch (in the parka).

Larch makes friends and influences people.

And Cow Mascot makes Banyan cry.

Cow Mascot must die.

Next chapter, Gen 2 in college! Friends are made, spouses are met, people are slapped, and the feud between Larch and Cy begins in earnest!