Copyright @ 2016 by Derek Murphy

www.CreativIndie.com | www.BookButchers.com

Art by Donovan Scherer

www.donovanscherer.com

Story by Suzanne Gochenouer

www.transformationaleditor.com

A GUIDED ZOMBIE ADVENTURE OF THE

MOST COMMON GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES IN ENGLISH

English has a lot of rules. Sometimes they can be tricky.

So we’ve taken the top 25 most abused grammatical rules and

woven them into a zombie narrative. There’s even a quiz at the back so

you can practice. We hope you enjoy the story, and learn something new!

The night Jasper reanimated for the first time everyone who knew him

was attending an after-funeral get-together at McRiley’s Bait, Boats, and

BBQ Bar. The only creature witnessing his rise from the grave was a

woman whom Jason had never seen before.

1. THE USE OF “WHO” AND “WHOM”

Who – subjective pronoun, like “he,” “she,” “it” – acts as a subject.

Whom – objective pronoun, like “him,” “her” “us”

“Hey, I’m Patty, and I’ll be your guide to zombiehood this evening.” She

held out a moldering hand. He stared at the rotting creature. Her one

eyeball stared back.

“Well, are you going to lie there all night, or are you ready for a snack?”

She smacked her peeling lips in gustatory anticipation. “Now where did I

lay that brisket of raw ribs?” She looked around the graveyard as of

expecting a picnic to materialize on the groomed grass.

2. THE USE OF “LAY” AND “LIE”

Lay – transitive verb; needs a direct subject and an object.

Lie – intransitive verb and needs no object

A continual heat ran through Jason’s formaldehyde-filled veins. One that

fractionally subsided when Patty mentioned raw meat.

“Really? I’m a zombie? I couldn’t come back as a sexy vampire or even a

swoony-worthy fallen angel?” Jason was disgusted at the sight of his hands, and

he’d only been dead seventy-two hours.

“Luck of the draw, sweetie. Happens to the best of us.” Patty patted what was

left of her stringy, blonde hair until her left pinkie fingertip fell off. “Sorry about

that. Guess I’m not all that attached to the digit. It’s a continuous problem at my

stage of zombiehood.

3. CONTINUAL AND CONTINUOUS

Continual means that something is constantly occurring, but with lapses in occurrences.

Continuous means something that continues without any stops or gaps.

”You say that like there are stages of being a zombie. I thought it was only

a question of whether you’re undead or alive.” Jason didn’t want to step

out of line if some Zombie Academy Rulebook dictated behavior for the

newly animated. He’d never been much of a rule breaker.

4. THE USE OF “WHETHER ” AND “IF”

Whether – conditional; used when there are two or more alternatives

If – no alternatives

”Oh sweetie,” Patty staggered closer on her moldy six-inch stilettos.

“Nothing could be further from the truth. Why there are zombies in this

very cemetery who’ve ventured further in the study of stages of zombie

life than the top seven best-selling authors of zombie romance

combined.”

5. THE USE OF “FARTHER” AND “FURTHER ”

Farther – used for physical distance.

Further – used for abstract lengths.

Jason affected a disinterested stare but feared she could tell her audience

of one had grown uninterested as soon as the word “romance” hit the air.

Plus, he was thinking about that raw rib she mentioned, wondering if she

had abandoned it nearby.

6. THE USE OF “DISINTERESTED ” AND “UNINTERESTED”

Disinterested – someone who is impartial – no bias.

Uninterested – someone who really just couldn’t care less.

“Ever since all those books came out about sexy, romantic zombies, I’ve

been waiting for someone to give me a look like the one you’re throwing

my dinner.” Patty pounced on the rack of ribs Jason had uncovered in the

pile of disturbed dirt across his grave.

“It’s not because you’re not an extremely attractive zombie. . . zombiess. . .

whatever.” Jason lied as easily as he’d done in life. “It’s because it’s been a

long time since my last meal.”

7. THE USE OF “SINCE” AND “BECAUSE”

Since – time-related.

Because – cause-related.

Patty hesitated, then broke the rack apart with her bare hands. “Here. I

meant to bring more, but I got peckish on the trip across the cemetery.”

“Hey, it’s all right. I don’t want to take your last bone, Patty. You’ve already

been so nice about greeting me when I clawed my way out of the grave.”

8. THE USE OF “BRING” AND “TAKE”

Bring means you are moving an object towards something.

Take means you are moving an object away from something.

Jason hadn’t expected his words to affect Patty so deeply. But as he

watched, her empty eye socket welled over with writhing worms. He

hated seeing any woman cry, zombie or not. So he pulled the Italian silk

square from his breast pocket and offered it to her.

“Thanks, but this is just the effect of the night air. Worms love a little cool

moisture. If you want to save a handful in your pocket, we could go

fishing tomorrow night. I know a lovely little cove.”

9. THE USE OF “AFFECT” AND “EFFECT”

Affect – almost always a verb; means to influence

Effect – usually describes the result or an outcome. In some cases, is used as a transitive verb.

He realized being a zombie wasn’t as straightforward as he’d believed. It

wasn’t going to be as easy as dig yourself out of your grave, stagger

through town, and eat brains. He’d better take some mental notes, e.g.,

reanimation heated the formaldehyde flowing through the veins, and he

should save eye socket worms for fishing expeditions; i.e., zombiehood

was a whole new way of thinking about not living.

10 . THE USE OF “I. E . ” AND “E. G. ”

g. – basically used for listing down or enumerating examples.

e. – you are describing the essence of something (think of it as “in essence”)

“Hey.” Patty whirled on him. “Let’s see which zombies are on the Greet-

and-Eat Squad tonight.” She pulled Jason in the direction of the cemetery

gate.

It was closed and locked. Not surprising, since it was well past nightfall.

“Aren’t humans silly?” she gurgled. “Who else locks a gate to keep people

out when the dangerous creatures are inside the gates?”

11. THE USE OF “WHICH” AND “WHO”

Which – refers to objects/non-humans.

Who – refers to humans.

“Your question was rhetorical, huh?” Jason followed Patty to a gap in the

wall. She lost her left foot as she climbed through. She ignored it, so he

kept his mouth shut. What could he say? “Hey, Patty. You’re beautiful

when you stagger like that?” No way. In this case, being undead didn’t

mean he was brain dead.

12. YOUR AND YOU’RE

Your is possessive. For example, your dog, your bag, your car.

You’re is a contraction of “you” and “are” – it describes a state of being. For example, you’re a

doctor, you’re a teacher, you’re a child.

“Look!” She pointed down the street.

Jason observed a band of zombies staggering up the road. He knew they

were a band because they were still wearing their uniforms.

“That’s tonight’s squad. Drat! They’re supposed to scout for the best

feeding spots. But this group is so proud of their blasted uniforms they

don’t want to get their hands bloody.” Patty sniffed.

13. THEY’RE VS. THERE VS. THEIR

They’re is a contraction of “they” and “are” and describes a state of being. (They’re running,

they’re cooking, they’re children)

There describes the location of something. For example, I live there, I eat there, you work there.

Their is possessive. Their dog, their house, their apples.

“It’s not as though a human cares what they’re wearing while its limbs are

ripped off and its brains sucked out through the ears.”

14. ITS AND IT’S

It’s is a contraction of “it” and “is,” and describes a state of being. It’s a boy, it’s a cat, it’s running.

Its is possessive. Its tail, its eyes, its whiskers.

Jason raised his head and sniffed the night air.

“Is it just me, or do you smell barbecue?”

Patty laughed. “If it’s cookin’ I gotta say it’s not a zombie feast. But we can

check it out.”

15. THE USE OF “ME” AND “I”

“I” is a subject, similar to “he,” “she,” and “it.”

“Me” is an objective pronoun, similar to “him,” “her,” and “them.”

Once he allowed the airborne aroma to pique his interest, he could only

think about getting a peek at the source before he let his appetite peak.

16. PEEK, PEAK, AND PIQUE

Peek – you take a quick look at something.

Peak – the highest point of something, like the peak of a mountain.

Pique – to provoke something.

“I must compliment you on your keen sense of olfactory detection.” Patty

entwined her arm with Jason’s, and they paraded down the street

together. She was secretly pleased with the way her left-leaning gait

complemented his beginner’s shuffle.

17. THE USE OF “COMPLIMENT” AND “COMPLEMENT”

Compliment – an expression of admiration for something or someone.

Complement – something that completes or enhances something else.

They saw a spill of light between two houses, from colored bulbs strung

along tree branches. Among the group of laughing, chattering humans in

the backyard, was one presiding over a massive grill.

18. THE USE OF “BETWEEN” AND “AMONG”

Between is used when something is located in the middle of two clearly distinct things. For

example, I am standing between two pillars. My notebook is sandwiched between two

textbooks.

Among refers to being located within a group of things that can’t be distinguished separately,

because it is a mass. For example, I am among my choir friends.

It was then that Jason deserted Patty. Halfway across the lawn, his

shuffling pace became a lumbering run. There was nothing he loved more

than ribs marinated and then gently brushed with Papa Bar Bee’s Extra

Hot Spice Your Life Cue sauce. Alive or undead, he’d know the fragrance

of those secret spices anywhere.

19. THEN AND THAN

“Then” is used when you are situating events in time. For example, I woke up, then I made

breakfast. I finished my meal, then I washed my dishes.

“Than” is used for comparisons. For example, it’s colder outside than it is inside. Sam has more

apples than Alex.

He could have kissed the chef. He should have. He would have. That is if

the crowd hadn’t fled, screaming in terror the moment he came into their

midst.

20. COULD OF, WOULD OF, SHOULD OF

All of them are wrong. The proper way is “could have,” “should have,” and “would have.”

There were two sides to the grill. That seemed like two too many choices

to Jason. So he flipped both of them open.

21. TWO, TOO, TO

Two is a number. Two dogs, two cows, two hands.

Too means “as well.” For example, I’m eating a burger, too. I’m going to sleep, too.

To is used in infinitive forms of verbs. To eat, to sleep, to breathe.

Regardless of his current state of life or unlife, the sweet aroma of that

roasted meat nearly brought Jason to his knees. Patty dove into a massive

cooler next to the grill, and without waiting for the frozen patties to thaw,

she devoured four pounds of hamburger in less than three seconds.

22. IRREGARDLESS AND UNTHAW

These words do not exist. They do not use—nor do they need—prefixes to express what they

are defining.

Her bloody, rotting visage was a lot for Jason to handle, just before

serving himself from the grill. Was this the way he was expected to eat

now that he was undead? How uncouth.

23. ALLOT, A LOT, AND ALOT

Allot means to assign. A lot means there are many. Alot is not a word.

“There’s no reason to lose your manners simply because you’re losing

your limbs.” He handed Patty a napkin and gestured toward her mouth.

She glared at him while he pretended not to notice that her left ear had

fallen on the grill where it was sizzling in unmarinated splendor.

“You’re a bit loose with your mouth, new guy.” She grabbed Jason’s head

by the ears and clamped her remaining teeth on his nose.

24. LOOSE VS. LOSE

Loose means something is not tight. A loose definition, a loose knot, etc.

Lose means to misplace something or to have something taken out of your grasp. I lost the

game, I lost my keys.

Right about then, Jason decided the zombie life was an undead eat

undead world. He snapped Patty’s head from her brittle shoulders and

shuddered when his nose tore off as her head fell away to the

ground. Was there any way he could go back to just being dead, he

wondered.

25. SUBJECT- VERB AGREEMENT ERRORS

Often, people make mistakes in the subject-verb agreement aspect of the English language. Errors like

“The use of pencils are required for the exam” and “The problems of that boy is pressing” are common.

In the given examples, the subject – the use of pencils for the first example, the problems of the boy for

the second – does not agree with the linking verb – are and is, respectively. The correct form, is, of

course, as follows: “The use of pencils is required for the exam.” “The problems of that boy are pressing.

BONUS: ACTIVE/PASSIVE TRICK

If you’re having trouble figuring out the difference between active and

passive tense, just add “by zombies” to the end of the sentence.

If you can, it’s passive.

Which one is passive?

“The woman chases” (by zombies)

“The woman is being chased” (by zombies) *

Only the second sentence makes sense, so it’s PASSIVE.

YOUR TURN!

I’ll add a quiz in the back to practice actually using all of these; I’ll also

make a quiz worksheet available so teachers can use it in their

classrooms.