this ain't no thinking thing
Post on 07-May-2017
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This Ain't No Thinking Thing
It's Freedom ofnot fromSpeech!
It's Freedom ofnot fromReligion!
If you don't like what we have to say, so? No one's forcing you to listen. If you don't like what we believe in, so? No one's forcing you to believe it. We would if we were (among others) the Taliban, a lockstep Liberal, a Corporate Fascist, Putin, that kook in North Korea, or this guy: Why we Need a Christian DictatorTalk about an oxymoron! He could be the ox or the moron!Lucky for you, we actually believe in Freedom. That said, if we don't give a Tinker's Dam about what you have to say, or what you believe in, so?
The Wisdom of Maxine
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida.Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation: * Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border * Use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans * Put the Florida alligators in the moat.Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
On Housework ...HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC . 2. Name it "Housework." 3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN. 4 Empty the RECYCLE BIN. 5 Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want To delete Housework permanently?" 6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly...... 7. Feel better?
Works for me!
Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it. If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet. The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same ! size bucket. To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos? Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia. Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere, you may be dead.
On Marriage ...
Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A day without sunshine is like...night. On the other hand, you have different fingers 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. Remember, half the people you know are below average. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand. OK, so what's ! the speed of dark? When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Life isn't l like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty muchleave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt andleaky tire. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal yourneighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't bepromoted. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple ofcar payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you havetheir shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how tofish, And he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it wasprobably worth it. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and putit back in your pocket. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a darkside, and it holds the universe together. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips aremoving. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxativeon the same night.