TIME WITH MY SON

LIFE JOURNEYS THRU PROVERBS

TIME NOT LOST BUT ETERNALIZED

JEFF REITER

Copyright © 2014

Discover more truths to share with your son at www.gospeldads.com

DEDICATION This journey through Proverbs is dedicated to my dad; James Reiter. There were many things my

dad taught me that allowed me to enjoy life and make the most of it while here on earth, but the

greatest thing my dad did for me was to give me something that nothing in this world could take

away from me; a love for Christ and a thirst for His word. Thanks dad and thank you Lord for a

godly father who planted your word deep in my heart.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

WHY I WROTE THIS DEVOTIONAL

FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS

CHOOSING FRIENDS

HIDDEN TREASURES

HOPE FOR THE HEART

KINDNESS

GOD’S ANSWERS

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

LOVE & DISCIPLINE

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

PRIDE & ARROGANCE

TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND

A BAD TEMPER

THE TESTING OF OUR HEARTS

CARING FOR THE POOR

DRUNKENNESS

REVENGE

ALL UNDER GOD’S CONTROL

INTEGRITY

GLOATING

LIFE PREPARATIONS

LAZINESS

SELF CONTROL

MEDDLING

SELFISH BOASTING

STUBBORNNESS

A FUTURE WIFE

WHY I WROTE THIS DEVOTIONAL Over the years I’ve observed and talked with many a dad who seems lost in his efforts to build a

strong relationship with his son. Many times this problem exists because they never had a strong

relationship with their own fathers. The generational gap seems to be widening between father

and son due to the fast pace world we live in and the increasing rate of broken homes and part time

dads. They are either part time dads due to divorce or the increasing demands on dads time at

work whether by choice or by financial need.

We as fathers can spend time with our sons doing all sorts of things that help them become men,

but spending time with our sons in the word of God will make them godly men. God did not create

us just to be men, but men who pursue the God who created us.

The book of Proverbs is a great starting place for us to spend time with our sons. It is practical and

adaptable to their lives and will give us the opportunity to humbly speak to their hearts about the

power and grace of the God who loves them and has a divine calling on their life. I believe God’s

word is living and active if we will give it the opportunity to be so. Each verse from Proverbs is

meant to be shared over a two week period. But, please let me stress something at this point. If

God is speaking and you and your son see God’s hand working in your lives please don’t cut it short

by thinking your two weeks are up and you need to move on. Also this devotional is designed in

such a way that you can pick topics that you may be presently going through or you are able to go

back and visit a topic when circumstances return to your lives.

There will be “talking points” available to initiate conversation and connect relevant day to day

application to each verse. You will also have additional Scripture to show your son the consistency

of God’s word which will give him an ever deepening confidence that there is absolute truth to live

by. From the list of extra Scriptures let your son choose those verses that he would like for the both

of you to memorize and then teach him to pray those verses back to God in a personal way.

Remember Dad, it’s not about memorization, but personalization. Deut 6:6-7 And these words,

which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; 7 and you shall teach them diligently to

your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when

you lie down and when you rise up. These 26 different sections from Proverbs were chosen as a tool

to help you be faithful to the command above. Humbled hearts holding the right tool at the right

time can change lives for eternity.

Dad, if there is ever a time we need to spend time with our sons, it’s now! And the time we spend

with them must be purposeful, persistent and full of passion. Time is slipping away and so is their

hearts. Don’t let another year go by letting the world steal his heart away from the life God created

him for. Teach your son diligently those things that will last for eternity. 2 Peter 3:10-11 But the

day of the Lord will come like a thief, in which the heavens will pass away with a roar and the elements

will be destroyed with intense heat, and the earth and its works will be burned up. 11 Since all these

things are to be destroyed in this way, what sort of people ought you to be in holy conduct and

godliness.

WHAT SORT OF FATHER WILL YOU BE?

FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS Prov 1:3

3 To receive instruction in wise behavior,

Righteousness, justice and equity;

Our ability to receive instruction is many times determined by the delivery. If we were raised in a

heavy-handed or legalistic environment where personal value and acceptance were disconnected

from the instruction; most likely we did not receive all the instruction that was needed. I’m not

sure who said it first, but “rules without relationship will always lead to rebellion.” Dad, if you think

back on your times of rebellion you most likely can attribute that rebellion to the lack of

relationship with the one making the rules. When we rebel against the commands of God our

rebellion comes from a lack of understanding of God’s love for us and therefore a deficiency of our

love for Him.

Men we still need instruction in wise behavior today, but our sons need it even more so in the world

they are growing up in. Deliver the instruction he needs with humility and love. Speak to him with

urgency the need for the wisdom of righteousness, justice and equity. Instill these into your son so

that he understands that God needs him to be a man of righteousness, justice and equity. Dads if

you instruct your sons concerning this behavior with the sole purpose that he might behave better

at home and honor you, you have missed the point. You are to instruct him to honor and glorify his

God. Your son has a higher calling than just being your son. He is to be a man after God’s own

heart. This is the goal of our instruction.

He must understand that the Lord requires justice for all. Justice is our duty towards God and the

people around us. Righteousness is revealed in how we exercise that justice. It is in right standing

with God. The equality deals with our ability not to show partiality, but be equal in our distribution

of justice no matter the diversity of the other person.

TALKING POINTS Discuss the various instructions for daily living that your son has already received and even the

instruction that you as a dad continue to receive and what significance they hold in your lives.

Find some of your instructions to the tools you have or other devices within your home and share

what the outcomes might be if you stray from those instructions.

Share how God has wonderfully created us and how all the systems within our bodies must function

together in harmony or else we will begin to have health problems and lose our ability to enjoy life

to the fullest.

Discuss now the instruction of God’s righteousness, justice and equity and the effects of our choices

when we live outside of His instruction.

Emphasize that the truth of His instruction is not meant to hinder us, but to protect us and bring the

fullness of what real life has to offer.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Job 22:22; Prov. 8:10-11; Prov. 8:33; Ex. 16:4; Prov. 1:7; Prov. 4:1; Prov. 5:23; Eccl. 4:13; Mal. 2:7-8:

Rom. 15:4; 1Cor. 10:11-12; Eph. 6:1-4; 1Thess. 4:1; 1Tim. 1:5;

WALKING IN THE WORD Find a project around the house (age appropriate) that requires going through a set of instructions

and finish the project together emphasizing the step by step instructions and how they make the

project run smoothly. (This can be hard for us guys; we don’t like instructions)

Find an opportunity to serve someone in the neighborhood or at church that you may instruct your

son in the aspect of “equality” or bringing about “justice”, where someone has been treated unjustly.

Remember, the purpose of the projects is not to bring attention to ourselves, but to reveal God’s

presence in us as we express God’s love toward others.

Matt 5:16 "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and

glorify your Father who is in heaven.

CHOOSING FRIENDS Prov 1:10;15

10 My son, if sinners entice you,

Do not consent.

15 My son, do not walk in the way with them.

Keep your feet from their path,

We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God; Amen? But, your son needs to know that all

who proclaim to be his friends are not even close to fitting the definition of one. Dad, this is another

great opportunity to share with your son the times in your past where you had so called friends

who left you holding the bag. You trusted them and allowed them to put you in compromising

situations. You followed after them down paths of trouble and lost your credibility with the people

you cared about.

There will be many areas of your son’s life that he will have to establish good boundaries and one at

the top of his list should be establishing what a true friend is. In the Facebook world that we live in

the definition for friend has been greatly distorted to the point it has lost any genuine meaning or

value. Dad, you can help your son develop safe boundary markers in order that he may weed out

those weak defined friendships.

Just as you can teach him the fundamentals of swinging a baseball bat; how he stands, holds the bat,

swings and follows through with his shoulders and hips; he can learn the fundamentals of creating

good boundaries in choosing friends. If the fundamentals are not taught he will create bad habits

and end up with bad influences as friends.

The Scripture says, “do not walk in the way with them.” You must spend time in discussing the

different ways that lead to painful disappointments rather than bashing his friends personally.

Discuss the paths not the person. If he has developed a friendship at school with someone and you

begin to tear down his friend as a means to the end you may end up with the opposite result. He

may keep this friendship a secret one and create within himself an increasing conflict of trust and

allegiance. A warring heart brings bitterness and bitterness corrupts everything from the inside

out. Outside of close family, friends are able to bring the greatest disappointments into our lives;

disappointments that can last a lifetime.

TALKING POINTS Dad, share with your son some of the friendships that you have had that no longer exist and why

they ended.

Ask your son what things he looks for in a friend.

Discuss with him the different levels of friendship and the need for those friendships that we will

have for a lifetime.

If he has brothers or sisters, discuss what he notices about their choice of friends. Does he like or

dislike their choices and why.

Jesus tells us that we are His friends, but He is still Lord. Dad, you can be a friend to your son, but

your main responsibility is to be his dad.

You can be a great friend to your son, when your best friend is Jesus Christ.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Psa. 1:1; Prov. 13:20; Prov. 20:19; Rom. 16:17-18; Eph. 5:11-12; Psa. 26:4-5; Prov. 4:14-15; Prov.

9:6; Prov. 13:20; 2Cor. 6:14-17; Psa. 119:101; Num. 22:17-34

WALKING IN THE WORD Dad, make a list of all your friends; why you chose them and how long they have been your friends.

Discuss with your son what positive influence these friends have had on your life.

Have your son make his list of friends with the same information and discuss what positive or

negative influence they have had on him.

Read the story of David and Jonathan and the friendship that developed between them. Discuss the

cost of a close friendship. (1Samuel chapters 18-23)

Dad if you have a yearbook, open it up and share with your son the friendships you had in school.

Share with him how some of those in your yearbook chose friends that led them down the wrong

paths.

Prov 18:24 A man of many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a

brother.

HIDDEN TREASURES Prov 2:4-5

4 If you seek her as silver,

And search for her as for hidden treasures;

5 Then you will discern the fear of the Lord,

And discover the knowledge of God.

Dad, here is a serious question to start off this week in your journey with your son. As you share

with your son the importance of seeking and searching the hidden treasures of God’s word, in order

that you might know Him; what does your son see in your devotion to your personal searching?

Can he determine by your commitment how valuable God’s word is? Is God’s word a treasure to

you? Does he see a deepening reverence for your Lord and Savior? The Proverb above states that

when we search God’s word as for hidden treasure we will discover the fear (reverence) of the Lord

and discover a greater knowledge of Him.

Taking him to church to learn the word of God is vital to him and your family. But, we see in many

cases that our sons are learning stories of the Bible and memorizing Scripture, but due to many

different circumstances; are missing the personal application in what they’ve learned.

When you think of hidden treasures; two things should stand out to us. One, they are hidden. That

means hearing a story or memorizing a verse will not necessarily reveal the personal life changing

truth that is hidden in the living word of God. If you have ever read a mystery novel, you’ve

experienced the strong desire that is stirred up inside of you to pursue the hidden story behind the

story. You know there is more than what you’ve read.

Jesus spoke in parables to many of His followers in an attempt to draw them deeper into the life

changing principle He was teaching. There was more to His stories than just a story. Each story,

parable, or teaching was meant to reveal the hidden glory of His presence that we might discover

the treasures of His love, grace and salvation.

Will you help your son discover the hidden treasures of the unfathomable glory of our God and

Savior?

TALKING POINTS Dad share with your son those treasures you may have had as a young boy (baseball card collection,

coin collection, etc.), and the energy and time you spent collecting and admiring them.

Discuss with him how many times the things we treasure in time lose their value.

Talk to him about some of the things he received for Christmas, but now are unimportant to him.

Share with him how your understanding of God has grown and that you are still learning who God

is and how much He loves you.

If there is a particular verse that you have read over and over again; share with him how it

continues to reveal more about God than you knew before.

Talk with him how your discoveries of the mysteries of God have changed your life.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Psa. 119:72; Psa. 119:127; Prov. 3:14-15; Matt. 6:19-21; Matt. 13:44; Matt. 19:21-22; Col. 2:2-3;

2Chron. 1:10-12; Hos. 6:3; Matt. 7:7-8; Eph. 1:18-19

WALKING IN THE WORD

Create a scavenger hunt where each item found leaves a clue describing an ever increasing value for

the next item. Explain to your son that this is how it is with our discovering the greater mysteries of

God.

Do a family tree of your family. Trace the journey of the men in your family and help him see the

heritage of God’s revealing of Himself.

Spend the week sharing with him the many names for God and how they impact his life.

Talk with him about the magnificence of God’s creation and how He spoke them into existence.

Then read 1Cor. 2:9; but just as it is written, "Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard,

And which have not entered the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him."

Let him see that God has prepared so many more wonderful mysteries just for him.

HOPE FOR THE HEART Prov 2:7-8

7 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;

He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,

8 Guarding the paths of justice,

And He preserves the way of His godly ones.

When it comes to your son and the future that awaits him, you had better instill in his heart the

source of his hope and how he might attain that hope. There are four phrases from the above

verses that will be his hope in time of need. He stores up…He is a shield…Guarding the paths…and

He preserves the way. These are promises from his Heavenly Father that will anchor him when the

world around him has gone bad.

Your son must also understand that these promises are attached to his desire and commitment to

walk in the character described with each promise. “He stores up wisdom for the upright.” “He is a

shield to those who walk in integrity.” “Guarding the paths of justice (those who walk within His

justice).” “He preserves the way-of His godly ones.” The promises are linked to the relationship.

Whenever he needs wisdom, God has stored up all that he needs. God’s wisdom is stored up on the

path that He has designed for him. God’s shield will also be found on the path where godly integrity

is established. His Heavenly Father is guarding the path of those who practice justice. God is the

One who will preserve the path of His godly ones.

Character is more than outward behavior, but it is a matter of the heart. Godly character is

surrender to the purpose and will of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is not just a matter of following rules,

but a confident relationship in the One who created all things for His glory. Godly character cannot

be sustained outside of humble submission.

TALKING POINTS Discuss with your son how this godly character is formed at his age by obeying you and your wife.

Building character is like building a house; it is one act of obedience built upon another.

Cracks in the foundation of a building will eventually lead to the collapse of the building;

disobedience will create cracks in our character and will during stormy times of our life bring

collapse in our lives.

Share with your son times in your life when you allowed cracks in your character and how it

brought pain and loss in your life.

Discuss with your son how obedience is about a love relationship not just in keeping a bunch of

rules.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK 1Cor. 1:19; 1Cor. 1:24; 1Cor. 1:30; 1Cor. 2:6-7; 1Cor. 3:18-19; Col. 2:2-3; Jas. 3:15-17; Psa. 84:11;

Prov. 28:18; Psa. 23:3; Psa. 121:5-8; 1Sam.2:9; Psa. 37:23-24; Jude 24

WALKING IN THE WORD Have your son use a dictionary to help him define in a way he can understand the words; upright,

integrity, justice and godly.

Use the verses in Ephesians 6 to discuss the shield of faith and have him make a list of the

“schemes” the devil may use against him and how faith in the Lord will shield him from those

deceptions.

Find some walking trails near you and take your son on a hike. In your backpack make sure you

take every possible resource you might need and then find ways to incorporate each item on your

journey. Share with him, that just as you have provided everything for your journey, God has

provided for your son everything he will need on his journey.

On another occasion allow him to prepare for the next trail you hike. Don’t tell him where you are

going and create a journey where he will not have everything he will need. Explain to him that our

best laid plans will always fall short, but what God has called us to do will have all that we need.

KINDNESS Prov 3:3-4

3 Do not let kindness and truth leave you;

Bind them around your neck,

Write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 So you will find favor and good repute

In the sight of God and man.

Dads, how many times have you regretted words that you have spoken that were true, but not very

kind? Exactly! I could hear the disappointment from here. Been there done that; guilty! The

importance of teaching your son the ability to speak the truth in kindness will be a character quality

that will benefit his life for years to come.

We have been taught as men that we must be stern and to the point with the truthful words we

speak in order for anyone to take us seriously. I have learned that speaking the truth with kindness

is received just as seriously if not more seriously than those truths spoken with sternness. If you

think about it for just a moment, when we speak truths with harshness in our voice we tend to relay

a message that we are better than the one we are speaking to. I am convinced that when we treat

those we are speaking to with respect and dignity; they are more apt to receive the words of truth

as constructive and not in a demeaning way.

The fruit of the Spirit is love and one of the by-products of that love is kindness. The Spirit is also

the Spirit of truth. If we help our son to speak the truth in kindness we are teaching him to walk in

the Spirit.

The result of teaching him this Christ like character is that he will find favor and build a trusted

reputation with men and God. Remember, this is not a natural ability to speak the truth in

kindness, but a spiritual one. So, he must first see it in us. If we at times fail and speak the truth in

an unkind way, we must humble ourselves by confessing to him and our God that we have spoken

in an unkind way. We can explain that what we were trying to say was a truth that needed to be

said, but we did not speak it in a way that was honorable to him or God.

TALKING POINTS Discuss with your son that you know sometimes speaking the truth is uncomfortable for us and

others.

As you discuss the importance of speaking the truth, share with him how watering down the truth

only prolongs and increases painful circumstances down the road.

Speaking the truth will set us free, but first it usually makes us uncomfortable.

Bring to his remembrance times that you have spoken truth to him and how initially it made you

both uncomfortable.

Discuss with him how truth is not to be spoken in order to gain an advantage, but is spoken to heal

and restore our relationships.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Mal. 2:6; Eph. 5:1-2; Deut. 11:18-21; Prov.6:21; 2Cor.3:3; 1Sam. 2:26; Dan.6:3; Luke 2:52; Gen. 39:2-

4; Acts 2:47; Rom. 14:16-18; Neh. 2:5; Eph. 4:25; Eph. 4:15

WALKING IN THE WORD Write down three truths that were spoken to you as you were growing up that were uncomfortable

yet life changing.

Share with your son areas of his life that you as a father will most likely have to speak truth into his

life that may be uncomfortable.

Share with your son those men you are aware of who had established destructive reputations due

to their unkindness and untruthful lives.

Discuss with your son how someone can have a good reputation with men, but not with God due to

the changing views in our society.

GOD’S ANSWERS Prov 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And do not lean on your own understanding.

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He will make your paths straight.

Our understanding of any subject is limited at best. We may think we are a leading authority within

a certain field of study only to discover that life continually expands its knowledge and approach to

our limited knowledge. The smarter we seem to get, we discover things beyond the reach of man’s

understanding. God’ ways are not our ways nor His thoughts our thoughts; they are as high as the

heavens in comparison.

Our emotional attachments to the things we feel we have a firm grip on deceive us many times into

thinking that we do not need to seek the wisdom of God within our perceived knowledge. We’ve

been there; done that; bought the book; everything’s under control. Even if we’ve been to school

and have the credentials; God’s wisdom must be applied. We are not to think more highly of

ourselves than we ought to think.

We must teach our sons, that all though we try to teach and lead them with their best interest in

mind; they still must trust and seek the final answer from the God who has prepared everything

beforehand for them. In all their ways; even the ones we have counseled them in, they must

acknowledge Him in each and every way.

Our son’s paths are made straight by the light and the knowledge of the God who is leading them.

His word tells us that the path we are to take is a narrow one and the steps are critical ones that

require the voice of God directing each step. Trusting in the Lord and acknowledging Him in all his

ways is a personal relationship you must help him develop. No matter how brilliant your son may

be; he can never completely trust in his own understanding. Our understanding without the

wisdom and direction of God is foolishness to Him.

TALKING POINTS Dad, discuss with your son the things that he is learning in school. The curriculum and direction of

some of our schools are distorting the truth and misleading this generation. Truth is being

redefined.

Dad, teach your son to ask questions. Some of our sons can be none stop in asking questions, but

we need to teach them to ask questions that will help them discover God’s answers not man’s.

As you study God’s word together teach him to ask the questions like who God is speaking to; what

is He wanting them to know and how does this apply to me today.

Our world is teaching our sons to take the word of those who are teaching them at face value as

being absolute truth. If so called truth cannot be questioned; can there ever be an absolute truth to

believe in?

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Job 13:15; Psa. 37:5; Psa. 37:7; Psa. 62:8; Psa. 146:3-5; Isa. 12:2; Prov. 3:7; Prov. 28:26; Jer. 9:23; Jer.

10:23; Rom. 12:16; 1 Cor. 3:18-20; 1Cor. 8:1-2; Num. 9:8; Num. 27:5; Josh. 9:14

WALKING IN THE WORD Take some of the Scriptures above and have your son right down as many questions as he can in

order to help him see that there is more than meets the eye when it comes to God’s word.

After your son watches a TV program ask questions concerning what he thought about the content

and message he saw and if that message lined up with God’s word.

Listen to some of the music your son may be listening to and discuss with him the content of those

songs and how they have shaped his thinking and how he sees life.

Ask your son detailed questions about what he learned in bible study and or the sermon he heard at

church. See if he is grasping more than the story, but is he getting the personal application.

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY Prov 3:9-10

9 Honor the Lord from your wealth,

And from the first of all your produce;

10 So your barns will be filled with plenty,

And your vats will overflow with new wine.

If there is any area of our lives that we tend to compartmentalize, it would be our money. We seem

to honor the Lord with just about any other area of our lives, but when it comes to our money we

have fabricated a litany of excuses why we need to hold on to our control. The evidence of us not

putting God first when it comes to our money is seen by the growing list of excuses why He

continually gets pushed further and further down the list. “As soon as I get this bill taken care of I’ll

start putting God first.”

If our sons are to learn about putting God first in their lives; teach them to start with their money.

And it is never too early to start. Lifestyle habits are not born overnight, but are formed over a

repetitive time period. If our sons observe us compromising in this area of commitment to Christ;

what will prevent them from deducting from our unfaithfulness that faithfulness is relative to our

circumstances?

Again, money is personal and because it is this week may be a very difficult one to navigate through.

Let God’s word be your compass and not your feelings or emotions. Money is a very emotional

topic due to the fact that there are so many demands, priorities, desires and options calling out for

gratification. Help your son understand that the use of money is not for our personal gratification,

but faithful stewardship to the God who has entrusted us with the financial resources we have been

given. Our money is not our money!

TALKING POINTS Discuss with your son that it is not the amount of money you make that defines you, but how wisely

you use the money you’ve been given.

Help him understand that if the Lord were to bless him with an overabundance of money it is not

for the purpose of overindulging himself with temporary things, but to bless others and advance

God’s kingdom work.

Historically review the lives of wealthy individuals who have abused their wealth for personal

advantage and those who have honored the Lord from their wealth.

The greatest lessons your son can learn about money are those that flow from the heart of you dad.

The good the bad and the ugly; spoken from the humility of his dad.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK

Duet 26:2-19; Prov. 14:31; Hag. 1:4-9; Mal. 3:8-9; Luke 14:13-14; 1Cor. 16:2; 2Cor. 8:2-3; 2Cor. 8:8-

9; Phil. 4:17-18; 1John 3:17-18; Duet. 28:8; Prov. 22:9; Eccl. 11:1-2; Hag. 2:19; Matt. 10:42

WALKING IN THE WORD Using Monopoly game money, give your son a monthly salary and then create monthly expenses

along with his tithe to teach stewardship.

Share with him your monthly income and the cost of your families living expenses; teaching him the

value of “every” dollar.

Taking one of your credit card bills, discuss with him the importance of paying off every month

what you charge in order to avoid the interest.

Show him the financial trap of credit cards if you do not pay of that bill every month.

Taking your mortgage payment, explain to him the amortization schedule of interest verses

principle and the amount of money you can save by paying extra principle every month.

Help your son see the freedom of being debt free!

LOVE & DISCIPLINE Prov 3:11-12

11 My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord,

Or loathe His reproof,

12 For whom the Lord loves He reproves,

Even as a father, the son in whom he delights.

As many kids growing up, I never did understand the phrase, “this is going to hurt me more than it’s

going to hurt you.” My dad never left my room crying and he could still sit down without

discomfort the next few days, so why is he hurting more than me? Discipline seems to always be

stuck in the moment. We do not see past our discomfort or pain.

Dad, your son will learn his response to God’s discipline as he learns in his response to yours. The

receiving of discipline is dependent upon the relationship with the one who is administering it.

Your son’s response to your discipline will be dependent upon his understanding of your

unconditional love for him. “For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father, the son in

whom he delights.” Is your son aware that you delight in him? In spite of the reason for the

discipline, is he confident that it has not changed your love for him? The reason why many of us

fathers struggle with this issue is that we are not confident that our Heavenly Father still loves us

when we are disciplined! Fear of rejection or not being accepted distorts disciplines intended

purpose.

Remember, our son’s view of God’s love and His discipline will be filtered through their experience

of our love and disciplining as they are growing up. Many young men who reject the discipline of

the Lord are doing so out of their disdain for what they experienced in their homes as young

children.

Just as our Lord and Savior does not love us any less when we make a mess of our lives, this same

love that we have come to know must at all cost be expressed to our sons in times of discipline.

Love covers a multitude of sin. And love is what holds us together in times of discipline.

TALKING POINTS Have your son explain to you what he believes to be the purpose of discipline.

Ask your son if he thinks all discipline should be the same for every infraction.

Ask your son what he thinks would happen if there were no discipline at all in the world.

Talk in depth with him how love and discipline must work together to make him the man God

intends him to be.

Bring up some of the bible characters that he may be familiar with and the times God disciplined

them.

Share with your son how the lack of loving discipline has affected your life.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Job 5:17; Psa. 94:12; 1Cor. 11:32; Heb. 12:5-6; Rev. 3:19; Prov. 24:10; 2Cor. 4:16-17; Heb. 12:3; Heb.

12:7-12; Deut. 8:5-10; 2Sam. 7:14-16; Psa. 102:13; Col. 3:21

WALKING IN THE WORD Sit with your son and make a chart consisting of acts of discipline coinciding with different

infractions.

Make a list of goals your son may have and the disciplines that most likely would be required to

accomplish those goals. Discuss how these goals would be affected without discipline.

Have your son make a list of the different mistakes or sins that he may commit over his lifetime and

at the end of your discussion, reassure him that God’s love for him has not changed.

Help your son understand that there is always forgiveness, but forgiveness does not mean there are

no consequences.

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY Prov 6:6-8

6 Go to the ant, O sluggard,

Observe her ways and be wise,

7 Which, having no chief,

Officer or ruler,

8 Prepares her food in the summer,

And gathers her provision in the harvest.

Over the last couple of decades there has been an extremely corrosive generational characteristic

that has permeated our society and it is impacting every aspect of the life that God has intended for

us to live. The entitlement mind set is destroying not only those outside the body of Christ, but is

devastating to the churches ability to glorify God in our attempt to abide in the vine and bear much

fruit.

Jesus said that He came to serve and He humbled himself to the point of even washing His disciple’s

feet; the lowliest job a servant could be asked to do. His obedience also took Him to His final act of

faithful service; the cross. But, we have replaced words such as servanthood with the nice sounding

word, “volunteer”. I’m sure you would not ask your son to volunteer to clean his room would you?

To be a volunteer in today’s world sends the message that it is optional and at our convenience; far

removed from taking up our cross and following Christ as servants.

The ant doesn’t need anyone to tell him to gather food for the upcoming winter; he just does it

because he knows it’s his own personal responsibility. He is not sitting in the den of his ant hill

playing the newest game on his ant X-Box while all the other responsible ants serve one another

providing provisions for the coming winter.

Our sons need to develop a servant’s heart by taking responsibility not only for themselves, but for

the community you both live in and fulfill the greatest commandment to love the Lord our God with

all our heart, mind and strength and to love our “neighbor” as our self.

This aspect of planting and harvesting is detrimental to his ability to accomplish the Great

Commission. Going and making disciples is work. It is commitment and servanthood. What sort of

servant’s heart does your son see in you? Servanthood is caught not taught by empty words

without action. Servanthood is a humble, compassionate, diligent and sacrificial expression of

Christ’s love toward another person without expecting anything in return.

Dad, the greatest joy you will ever experience will be to observe your son serving another person

sacrificially, with a heart of thanksgiving for having the privilege to do so! When your son finds his

joy in serving you have done your job well.

He needs to hear the Father say; well done good and faithful servant, enter the joy of your Master!

TALKING POINTS Discuss with your son the biblical characteristics of servanthood.

Share with him how even the job you have that provides for your family is foremost an opportunity

to serve Christ by serving your employer.

Share with him how even within your family, God has called us to serve one another and how

serving is the greatest expression of love we can give to each other.

Explain to him that when our doing becomes all about us and what we can get out of it, it will

always lead to conflicts and hurt feelings.

Serving is a choice we make out of our love for others. Jesus came to earth to serve us by giving

Himself for us even when we were undeserving of it.

Serving is giving out of love not obligation. Obligation brings with it expectations.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Prov. 13:4; Prov. 18:9; Prov. 21:25; Prov. 24:30-34; Matt. 25:24-30; 1Tim. 6:18-19; Prov. 14:35;

Matt. 20:26; Mark 9:33-35; Luke 16:10-13; Matt. 20:28; Gal. 5:13-14

WALKING IN THE WORD Find an act of service that you and your son can do for the rest of your family without the attitude of

expecting any recognition.

Look to the story of David when he was anointed king and yet served King Saul in faithfulness for

many years before the crown became his.

Help your son discover a way he is able to serve Christ on a regular basis in the church he attends.

Have him interview the deacons and pastor of your church to discover how they were called to

their work of service.

PRIDE & ARROGANCE Prov 8:13

13 "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil;

Pride and arrogance and the evil way,

And the perverted mouth, I hate.

There is a great deal of evil in the world today that you need to help your son be aware of and avoid,

but there is no greater evil that will impact his life as the pride and arrogance of his own heart.

Pride lies at the basis of all our sin. Pride is what corrupts and defiles every relationship he will

ever encounter. He is to walk by faith as a man of God, yet pride is the foundation of every form of

unbelief.

Pride and arrogance are never easy or pleasant to discuss with someone else especially your son,

but he needs to see that every man will struggle with the hidden enemy of pride. Dad it is

extremely important for your son to see and hear of your struggles with pride and how God’s grace

has brought you healing and victory. When God gave us His word He did not spare us the gory

details of how pride corrupted and destroyed not only individuals, but nations in its wake. He has

given us example after example in warning us of pride’s dangers and effects.

When the Lord reminds us to keep our eyes straight ahead and not to look to the right or left, it will

be pride who will be whistling to get our attention. Pride begins in such subtle ways, but its desire

is to get a death grip on our hearts. Pride is the root of our selfishness and manipulation. Pride is

what robs God of His glory in our lives. We are to be vessels of honor useful for the Master. Pride

defiles the vessel making us useless for the kingdom of God!

No matter how old your son is, can you already see the evidence of pride taking his heart captive?

Do you hear it in the perversion of his words or in the disrespectful look of defiance? We are all

born into sin. Pride is not something we learn, but we are born with it. Jesus Christ paid the

payment for our sins and He lives within us that we might have every day victory over sin, but we

must die to ourselves every day in order to put to death the enemy of pride.

TALKING POINTS Define with your son a good working definition of pride.

Read and discuss the story of King Nebuchadnezzar’s pride in Daniel chapter 4.

Talk with your son of more current leaders who allowed pride to rule their hearts and the impact it

had on society around them.

Pride attacks either our weaknesses or strengths. In our weakness it persuades us to seek comfort

and pleasure to relieve our fears. In our strengths it desires to rule over with authority and

manipulation.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Psa. 101:3-4; Amos 5:15; 1Sam. 2:3; Psa. 5:4-5; Prov. 6:16-19; Zech. 8:17; 1Pet. 5:5; Prov. 4:24;

Prov. 10:31; Job 1:1; Psa. 36:1; Prov. 8:8; Prov. 16:5-6; Jer. 48:29-30; Rom. 3:10-18

WALKING IN THE WORD Make a pride list sheet of areas in you and your son’s life that you can place on the refrigerator for a

source of accountability.

Once a week have a family meeting to discuss the areas of prideful activity and to offer apologies

and to extend grace and forgiveness.

The spark that normally ignites the fuel of pride is fear. Work with your son on the issues of his life

that concern him the most and create insecurity in him. Dad, in these fearful areas spend a great

deal of time reinforcing God’s love and plan for his life.

TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND Prov 11:13

13 He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets,

But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.

One of the evidences of true friendship is found in whether we are able to entrust that person with

“who” we are. Will they value our friendship by holding in confidence the things we have entrusted

to them or will they become front page news for the world to read?

Teaching our sons the true value of friendship is teaching him the real meaning of confidentiality.

We were created for relationships and those relationships consist of varying degrees of friendships.

Our need for those close intimate friendships is critical for us to become men of God. Those

mentoring friendships that hold us accountable and responsible to the calling of God on our life are

the foundation to the presenting of every man complete in Christ.

Dad, I am sure that you have learned this lesson the hard way as you have chosen friends that have

betrayed your trust by breaking their confidence in the very personal things of your life. This verse

in Proverbs is not just about choosing this kind of friend, but more importantly, being this kind of

friend.

Your son needs to be taught that there are times for the safety and welfare of one of his friends that

some things need to be shared with the appropriate people. Keeping confidentiality when the life of

a friend is at stake is costly to both your son and his friend. Your son needs his dad as a confidant

and counselor in these serious situations.

Teaching your son the importance of hiding the word of God in his heart and developing a confident

prayer life will give your son a discerning spirit to know when to conceal or reveal a matter.

Dad, the best thing you can do, is to be this kind of friend to your son!

TALKING POINTS Each of you share the different friends that you have and why they are your friends.

Dad, share with your son some of the bad friendships you have had and the confidentiality that was

broken.

Ask your son if he has had any disappointing friendships where someone has shared something

that he thought was confidential.

This next talking point may be a difficult one for you, but ask your son if he believes you have ever

broken his trust or if your son believes that you are a friend he can trust with sharing confidential

things with.

No better time than now to create that type of friendship!

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Lev. 19:16; Prov. 20:19; Prov. 25:9; Prov. 26:20-22; Josh. 2:12-14; Prov. 14:5; Ex. 20:16; Prov.

12:23; Prov. 20:6; 1Cor. 4:2; Prov. 15:1-3; Psa. 55:12-13; Prov. 17:17; Prov. 18:24; Prov. 27:6

WALKING IN THE WORD Write out a contract between you and your son establishing the type of friendship he needs that

will enable him to come to his dad with the most personal things in his life.

Restate some of the Scripture above and add both you and your son’s names to reinforce the truth

of God’s word.

Have you son make a list of his friends names and then help him develop the characteristics that are

needed for him to determine the friendships that are spiritually healthy for him.

A BAD TEMPER Prov 14:17

17 A quick-tempered man acts foolishly,

And a man of evil devices is hated.

Many of us act foolishly in a number of ways, but a man who is quick to become angry is

dangerously foolish. The bitterness of his heart is revealed in his sarcasm and desire in seeking

revenge. His heart lives in the unresolved pain of his past. This pain that started as a small

infraction is allowed to build into a fortress of bitterness. He becomes guarded and unable to

maintain the relationships he so desperately needs and deep down desires to have, which only adds

to his frustration and alienation. His anger has built up a defense system that everyone else sees,

but he is totally blind to. Anger blinds us to the truth of our circumstances. Anger will always point

the finger toward someone else.

There are some things we should be angry about, but we should never direct our anger toward the

person, but to the wrong that has been done. God does hate sin, but He loves the sinner. Because of

His righteousness and holiness we should hate any sin that separates us or someone else from our

loving Savior. Because God sent His only begotten Son to die for all sins, we should never allow our

anger to become a barrier of His grace and forgiveness.

Dad, as a man of God, helping your son to deal with his anger will be one of the greatest spiritual

benefits you could bless your son with. But, dealing with his anger will mean dealing with yours.

Sons learn to handle anger from their peers and their parents. What is he learning from you?

TALKING POINTS Talk with your son about the anger of Cain in Genesis. Show him how Abel had done nothing to his

brother, but it came from the rejection of his offering to God.

Look over the story of King Saul and his anger toward David. Again, David had done nothing

personal to him, yet he was jealous of the attention David received that he thought belonged to him.

Discuss with your son the times you can remember becoming angry due to rejection or jealousy and

the results of those events.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Prov. 12:16; Prov. 14:29; Prov. 15:18; Prov. 16:32; Prov. 22:24; Prov. 29:22; Eccl. 7:9; Jas. 1:19; Est.

3:5-6; Prov. 6:16-19; Isa. 32:7; Prov. 20:3; 1Cor. 13:5; Eph. 4:31-32; Tit. 1:7

WALKING IN THE WORD Just as fire needs three things; fuel source, ignition source and oxygen; make a list of people,

circumstances and emotions that are dangerous combinations for you and your son. Pre-plan how

the both of you can avoid the fire of anger from developing.

If there are present issues that leave either of you susceptible to anger; work together to diffuse

them one by one.

Spend time together going through 2Cor. 5:14-19 dealing with God’s call on our lives to be

ambassadors of reconciliation.

THE TESTING OF OUR HEARTS Prov 17:3

3 The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold,

But the Lord tests hearts.

The refining pot and the furnace for gold have their purposes. They are to heat the metals to a

temperature that will bring all the impurities to the top in order that the metals would be in their

purest forms. Without taking the silver and gold through this process they would have little value

to anyone.

So it is with the heart of every man. God refines the heart that He might extract the impurities of

the flesh and its sinful tendencies. A heart tainted with sin is of no use to God. Every circumstance

we are faced with; good and bad, are God’s way of testing the heart. He uses character not talent,

giftedness, self-achievement, or personal strengths. We are to be vessels of honor useful to the

Master. We are to be godly men of pure hearts and sincere faith. We are to bring glory and honor

to the King of Kings.

We very seldom look at our circumstances as a process of the Holy Spirit refining our hearts, but we

are God’s workmanship created for good works that God has prepared beforehand and He is

preparing us to work them for His glory. The earlier your son becomes sensitive to the work of the

Holy Spirit in the circumstances of his life the greater joy and purpose he will find in the life that he

lives.

The Jews when the left Egypt walked through the wilderness on their way to the Promise Land.

They wandered around in circles for forty years until the first generation died off. They resisted the

refining process that God had ordained for them and missed His covenantal promise. Your son has

already begun his journey of refinement and it is your responsibility to teach him that God is more

concerned with his heart than any of his personal achievements.

Dad, it’s never too late for the Lord to refine both of your hearts. Let the refining fires of God’s grace

begin.

TALKING POINTS Read Deut. 8:1-5 together and discuss why God tested the hearts of His people.

Talk about some of the difficult times your family has had to go through and what you discovered

about your heart of faith.

Discuss with your son that many times it may be years before we see and understand the testing

God has allowed in our life.

As Deut. 8:2 commands us; “you shall remember all the way the Lord your God has led you in the

wilderness.” Remembering what God has done in times past will give us confidence to walk

forward without having all the answers.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Psa. 26:3; Psa. 66:10; Prov. 27:21; Isa. 48:10; Jer. 17:10; Zech. 13:9; Mal. 3:2-3; 1Pet. 1:7; Gen. 22:1-

14; Judg. 2:20-22; Job 23:10; Psa. 139:23; Jer. 6:29; Dan. 11:35; 1Thess. 2:4; Jas. 1:12

WALKING IN THE WORD On a sheet of paper draw a line down the middle creating two columns. On one side write a brief

description of a difficult circumstance and on the other side describe what God accomplished in

your heart. Make the list as long as you like.

Have both you and your son write out your testimonies using the information above.

Have a family night to share and give thanks to God for His wonderful grace and love for you.

As Joshua did after crossing the Jordan create a memorial that will always remind you of God’s

sovereignty and grace as He has molded your hearts for service.

CARING FOR THE POOR Prov 19:17

17 He who is gracious to a poor man lends to the Lord,

And He will repay him for his good deed.

Many of us may consider ourselves poor compared to the amount of wealth we have here in the

United States, but in reality a great majority of people living outside of our blessed country live on

less than $2.00 a day. They have no running water, no AC, no vehicle to drive, possibly no roof over

their head and no guarantee that they will have anything to eat today; we are not poor by most

standards.

Throughout Scripture we hear the heart of God calling out to His people to care for the poor. Our

comparisons and judgments do not justify us before God. To see a brother in need and not provide

that need when it is within our ability to do so, how can we say the love of God abides in us.

The ever increasing entitlement mentality is corrupting the hearts of our children and

grandchildren, leaving them open to the judgment of God’s wrath. Sodom and Gomorrah were not

destroyed for their sexual immorality, but their complacency to the poor. Could it be that their

disregard for the poor and their selfish preoccupation with personal satisfaction is what led them to

their corrupt immoral life styles? The seeds of selfishness lead to all sorts of destructive

immorality.

Scripture refers to the topic of money more than any other topic. God knew man’s heart could be

led astray by his love for money. Money itself is not corrupt, but it is man’s corrupt heart that will

destroy his relationship with his Maker when he begins to worship his money over his Creator.

When money and things become more important than people we can rest assure that our hearts are

setting up idols within our hearts. Seeing the poor as Jesus saw them and developing a

compassionate heart for those in need will leave your son in a place for God to use him in a great

way. Dad, leave your son a great legacy by teaching him to care for the poor.

TALKING POINTS Ask your son to define for you what he believes it means to be poor.

Discuss with him how over time people have a tendency to redefine what it means to be poor. Yet,

these redefinitions do not necessarily mean that there are people who are no longer poor because

we have changed our view of what it means to be poor.

Help him see that poverty is not necessarily about money, but genuine need.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Prov. 14:21; Prov. 28:8; Prov. 28:27; Eccl. 11:1-2; Deut. 15:7-14; Prov. 11:24-25; Isa. 58:6-11; 2Cor.

9:6-8; Phil. 4:14-19; Heb. 6:10; Deut. 24:19-21; Psa. 41:1; Psa. 112:9; Prov. 3:9-10; Prov. 14:31;

Matt. 5:42; Matt. 25:34-40

WALKING IN THE WORD Google the word poor or poverty on the internet and compile information to write a report on the

subject.

Research the Great Depression here in the United States to see how people had to adjust their lives

to live in those difficult times.

Find a food shelter or cloths closet that you and your son can serve at for at least a few months (if

not for an ongoing ministry) to create a serving compassionate heart in honoring the Lord with

your lives.

Develop a “God pocket” that you contribute to on an ongoing basis. This is money set aside that is

used only for those moments when you both cross the path of someone in need and share that

blessing with them. This helps your son develop a heart of sensitivity for what God is doing every

day of his life.

DRUNKENNESS Prov 20:1

20 Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler,

And whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.

There are many things that have an influence in our daily lives. What we hear, see and experience

can transform our lives for better or worse. But, the influence that alcohol has had on our society

has stolen years, health, and relationships from countless individuals. It has reached into the future

of many generations with its effects. As the pressures and pain of this world impacts your son’s life,

and it is inevitable that it will; the temptation to have a casual drink to knock off the edge could be

the first step to dependency.

One of the issues dad that you will have to examine during this section of Proverbs will be, have you

become more than a casual drinker. Has that glass of wine after work become more than that?

Those couple of beers while watching the football game; have they grown to be three or four?

Sometimes how we handle stress can be deceiving especially if we have made it a habit or a ritual in

our life and we feel we have it under control. Sort of like the frog in the kettle that is slowing being

cooked as the temperature is slowly being increased. If you are going to let the word of God speak

to you and your son on this topic, you will need to examine yourself, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal

any self-deception; otherwise you will find yourself justifying your drinking habits to your son. To

the degree you find yourself explaining your drinking habits to your son, you will discover that

more than likely you have allowed alcohol to be more of an idol than you think. Idols are nothing

more than someone or something we have allowed to replace our dependence upon God. He tells

us to cast all our anxiety upon Him. Has alcohol become what you turn to when life becomes too

much? Does your son see his dad turn to the word of God and prayer as his source of strength or

has alcohol become a household fixture?

Dad, if you are not honest with yourself on this topic, your son will learn to justify the idol of alcohol

in his. This young man that the Lord has blessed you with and that the Lord has created for His

glory is watching you. Idols are everywhere, but the idol of alcohol is one of the most predominant

in our society.

One of the most debated issues of alcohol is found in our Proverb above; it is the word intoxicated.

It seems to carry with it different interpretations depending on the one who is justifying his own

drinking. “I can handle my liquor.” Beer commercials tell us to drink responsibly and therein lays

our problem. If we are influenced by alcohol when we drink how can we make responsible

decisions?

Dad, if you have previously made the decision not to have any alcohol as a part of your life, I

commend you. But, this topic is still vital to your son due to the increasing influence that alcohol

continues to have on the current generation.

TALKING POINTS

Talk with your son concerning any alcohol problems that your family has experienced in the past.

Ask him if he knows of any of his friends who have been affected by alcohol in their families. Don’t

harp on the issue of alcohol, but focus upon his hearts concern for how he has seen his friends hurt

by these events.

Ask him what he personally thinks about the issue of alcohol. Try to determine where his influence

on the topic is coming from.

Share with him where your influence on the topic of alcohol has come from.

If you both have seen the commercials on TV concerning alcohol, discuss what the focus of the

commercial was as they advertised their product. Discuss the deceptions that are presented.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Gen. 9:20-25; Gen. 19:31-36; Prov. 23:29-35; Prov. 31:4-5; Isa. 28:7-8; Hos. 4:11; Hab. 2:15-16;

1Cor. 6:9-11; Gal. 5:16-23; Eph. 5:15-18; Prov. 23:20-21; Isa. 5:11-13; Hab. 2:5

WALKING IN THE WORD Go on line and discover how much money is spent on alcohol each year and the number of alcoholic

drinks that are consumed.

Contact your local authorities to get the number of alcoholic related accidents and incidents that

occur each year in your state or community.

Through the Criminal Justice system in your state determine the number of men and women who

are incarcerated due to alcohol related offences.

Find local Christian groups that deal with alcohol addictions and see if they will let you and your

son have a copy of their counseling material that you both might see the Scriptural answers to

overcoming this issue. Prevention is always better than Recovery.

REVENGE Prov 20:22

22 Do not say, "I will repay evil";

Wait for the Lord, and He will save you.

It is said that revenge is sweet, but it is only sweet until it rots your teeth and you have to gum your

food the rest of your life. Revenge is the most destructive aspect of selfishness there is. It not only

brings suffering to the one who has received the payment, but it will always leave the one inflicting

the revenge with a greater emptiness. Revenge is only a temporary fix for the pain and injustice we

have convinced ourselves we have encountered.

The desire for revenge comes from a heart that has convinced itself that we are our own judge and

jury and we will pursue our own justice. The heart is desperately sick the Bible tells us and we are

unable to trust it, especially in times when we have been offended or hurt in some grievous way.

When the heart is in pain we are incapable of making rational decisions without the influence of the

Holy Spirit directing us. A heart that is filled with anger and bitterness grieves the Holy Spirit and

quenches any godly wisdom we might need in handling our troubled heart.

We were once enemies of God and yet He loved us so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross

that we might be reconciled to Him. The love of Christ should control us the Scriptures tell us and

we are no longer to look at man according to the flesh for we are a new creation in Christ. And

because we have been reconciled by God, He has given us the ministry of reconciliation. As far as it

depends on us we are to be at peace with all men.

Dad, in the angry and violent world we live in your son needs above many other things to become a

man of grace and mercy; not a man of revenge. The depth of your understanding of God’s grace will

determine the level of mercy you extend to others. Grace is something we receive that we don’t

deserve and mercy is something we don’t receive that we do deserve. To be revengeful is to reveal

a heart that has forgotten or is ignoring the grace that has been given us.

Revenge is a by-product of a heart that has allowed unforgiveness and bitterness to remain too long

and eventually bearing its fruit of corruption, pain and suffering in the lives of those around us.

Dad, are you an angry man. Is your son becoming a mirrored image of you? Anger does not

accomplish the righteousness of God. We cannot stand in the righteousness of God while having a

heart of revenge. Dad, God’s grace is sufficient for an embittered heart!

TALKING POINTS Talk with your son about the differences of good anger and bad. We can be angry about injustice,

but should not condemn the person who committed the injustice.

Discuss with your son about those times when you must discipline him for wrong doing, but your

love for him remains in tacked. Share with him the difference between discipline and revenge.

Discipline is for correction; revenge is meant to get even. One is motivated by love the other by

selfishness.

If there has been a time when your discipline overflowed into personal frustration and was not

loving discipline; confess to him and seek his forgiveness establishing the foundation of grace.

Talk to him about “grace” and its foundation to our salvation and relationship with Jesus Christ.

Cultivating grace will eventually weed out the root of revenge.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Deut. 32:35; Prov. 17:13; Prov. 24:28-29; Rom. 12:17-21; 1Thess. 5:15; 1Pet. 3:8-9; Lev. 19:18; Psa.

37:7; Matt. 5:39-48; Eph. 4:31-32; Gal. 6:1-3; Rom. 13:8-10; 2Cor. 5:14-21

WALKING IN THE WORD Make a list of the evil things in the world that we should be angry about. Pick out one or two of

those situations where the both of you could do something Christ like in doing what you are able to

reconcile the person(s) to Christ.

The Bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger. Create a list for the refrigerator that

anyone in the house may place their complaint on and have a designated time to sit down as a

family to reconcile the issues. Let God’s grace rule!

Go through a Bible Concordance and copy as many verses as you like in order to discuss how

“grace” is our tool of reconciliation. Conduct a conflict resolution course as a family.

ALL UNDER GOD’S CONTROL Prov 21:1

21 The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord;

He turns it wherever He wishes.

It is difficult at times to hear and see the events of our world that are causing such great pain to

untold thousands of people and not cause us to wonder if there really is a loving God who is in

control. Why would a God of love allow these things to continue? Why do bad things happen to

good people? The closer these painful events infringe into the lives of our families the greater the

number of questions that arise from the darkening corners of our hearts. When our children come

running to us for answers the frustration increases and our faith and hope are shaken.

Dad, the building of your son’s faith will depend to a great degree upon the faith that you have

discovered over the years of desperation and troubling questions, yet you have found God faithful

every time. Has God worked all things together for good as you remember your journey of faith?

How have you seen the hand of God change hearts and influence circumstances revealing His power

and sovereignty in your life? This issue of evil in the world and the existence of a loving God will be

the most perplexing issues your son will have to deal with in his life. God’s word has already told us

that in the last days we will see an increase of the evil in the world in which we live. The days are

compared to the birth pangs of a mother. Matt 24:6-8 "And you will be hearing of wars and rumors

of wars; see that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end.

7 "For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will

be famines and earthquakes. 8 "But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

I believe in the church being raptured before the days of tribulation begin, but we should never

underestimate or deceive ourselves into thinking that the conditions in our world will not become

very troubling before that period of time comes about and especially so, for the professing

Christian.

In spite of the darkness that seems to prevail in your son’s life you must instill into his heart that

God holds the hearts of kings in His hand. Whether they are good rulers or evil; God turns their

hearts in the direction that will bring about the culmination of His divine purpose and glory. If your

son becomes more concerned about his personal comfort and achievements he will become

embittered toward God when the corruption of this world catches up to him and inflicts its pain and

disappointments.

Jesus endured the cross because He saw the joy that was set before Him. Your son will endure the

cross that he must bear if you teach him to look beyond his cross to the joy that is set before him.

He has an all powerful all knowing ever present God that loves him and sees him every second of

the day and will not allow anything in his life that will interfere with His plan for his life.

As we think on this topic, the twenty-third Psalm comes to mind. He does lead us by still waters

and provides those lush green pastures, but He also walks with us through the valley of the shadow

of death where the psalmist proclaims with assured faith; “I will fear no evil.” God is our shepherd

who leads us through every terrain we face and your son needs to learn the God of this journey.

TALKING POINTS Talk with your son and discuss with him that evil exist in the world because of our sins and that

many times our sins affect the lives of others. Give personal examples of how some of your sins

have impacted the lives of those around you.

In discussing with your son why God allows sin to continue, he needs to understand that He created

us for relationship and for a relationship to exist He had to give us a free will to choose. Man in

most cases is selfish in his choices, thus causing pain and evil.

Share with your son that just as his sin can cause pain to others his faithfulness to God in loving

others as God loves us can help bring healing and hope in our sinful world.

Like Joshua built an altar of stones as a reminder of how God interceded in the people of Israel’s life,

tell him of the many times God has given the resources, strength, hope, peace and grace in and

through your time of trouble.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Ezra 7:27-28; Neh. 1:11-2:8; Psa. 105; Prov. 16:1,9; Dan. 4:28-37; Gen. 12:15-20; Ex. 2:1-10; 2Kings

7:5-8; 2Chron. 18:30-32; Ezra 1:1-4; Prov. 29:26; Jer. 15:10-11; Phil. 2:12-13; Rev. 17:17

WALKING IN THE WORD Help your son develop a heart for prayer. As father and son create a ministry of prayer for the

suffering of those God lays on your heart. Have a prayer journal that you can keep track of those

you are praying for and how God intervenes.

With a concordance develop your own personal list of promises that God has given us that you may

have confidence in His sovereignty. Find those verses that promise His continual presence,

provision, peace, power, purpose and prosperity.

Create some sort of memorial with things that remind you of how God is faithful in all your

circumstances.

INTEGRITY Prov 22:1

22 A good name is to be more desired than great riches,

Favor is better than silver and gold.

Johnny Cash sang a song entitled “A Boy Named Sue” and the first stanza went something like this;

“My daddy left home when I was three and he didn’t leave much to ma and me. Just this old guitar

and an empty bottle of booze. Now I don’t blame him because he run and hid, but the meanest thing

that he ever did was before he left he went and named me Sue.” A name can carry with it a heavy

load that can cause a man to hide, fight or stand tall or not stand at all.

Men today pursue many things attempting to establish a name for themselves, but at the end of

their pursuit they discover what King Solomon did; it was all vanity. They expend money, time and

self worth to achieve a good name only to discover as the rich young ruler did; something was still

missing. He went away grieved having put his trust in the temporary measurements of success and

its worthless titles and accolades weighing heavy on his heart.

There is a good name that is attainable, but not by self effort or financial manipulation. It is a name

of honor given to us by our creator and savior Jesus Christ. A name that is above reproach for its

foundation is anchored in the righteousness of Christ. When we are clothed in the righteousness of

Christ the old things have passed away and behold all things become new. It’s a name that is written

in the book of life and written in the blood of our Lord, secure in the throne room of heaven.

Integrity is the man you are when no one is looking the real you in the inner man. It is the man that

is left standing when all of his worldly accomplishments are stripped away and all he has left is

what has glorified God. The temptations of titles, positions and power muddy the waters of a man

pursuing integrity. A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. The only title we should

pursue is to be a follower of Jesus Christ. The only position we should desire is a servant of the

Lord Most High, and the power we should rely upon is the sufficient grace that God provides for the

man who walks in his integrity.

The battle for integrity is the battle of the flesh against the Spirit. Scripture tells us that these two

are in opposition to one another. The flesh sets its desires against the Spirit so that we do not

become the men of integrity that God requires us to be. Dad, in order for your son to walk in his

integrity you must help him see the battle between the man the world calls him to be and the man

that God has created him to be.

The value of a good name has been bought out cheaply with the corrupting and temporary

standards of the world set up by the father of lies who knows nothing of true integrity. He has

deceived many a man with fleshly desires seeking selfish ambition of a brass ring that doesn’t exist.

Dad, pass down to your son the good name you have received as part of your eternal inheritance

and leave a legacy of integrity!

TALKING POINTS Dad, genealogies are important to many people and it is important for your son to know his

heritage. But, his godly heritage is extremely important for him to see how God has worked in his

life before he was born in order that he may depend upon the Lord for his good name.

Talk with him of young David who was chosen king as a young boy although he had older brothers

because looks at the heart of man not his physical accomplishments.

Share with him that God is still working on you that you might be a man of integrity. In spite of

your stumblings and failures integrity is a life time pursuit. Integrity is formed through honest

confession and repentance and maintained in a heart of humility.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK 1Kings 1:47; Eccl. 7:1; Luke 10:20; Gen. 20:4-6; 1Kings 9:3-5; 1Chron. 29:17; Job 27:1-6; Psa. 15:1-

5; Psa. 26:1-7; Prov. 2:7; Prov. 10:9; Prov. 19:1; Prov. 20:7; Prov. 28:6; 2 Cor. 1:12; 3 John 3-4

WALKING IN THE WORD Dad, have your son make a list of his heroes whether live or fictional and have him write down why

he believes they are worthy of his admiration.

Make a two column list of characteristics that the world classifies as portraying integrity and then

on the other side write down what God’s word defines as a person of integrity. Discuss the focus of

the differences.

Write out a commitment to one another stating how you will both hold each other accountable to

the standards of God’s integrity. In this commitment create questions that you will allow each other

to ask of one other in order to maintain your walk of integrity.

Go to Hebrews chapter 11 and make a list of the men who are listed in the faith hall of fame and

compile a list of integrity characteristics that they have in common.

GLOATING Prov 24:17-18

17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,

And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;

18 Lest the Lord see it and be displeased,

And He turn away His anger from him.

Rom 12:20 "But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so

doing you will heap burning coals upon his head." How many times have I heard someone quote

this verse in reference to someone that has offended them and with a quirky smile say, “I’m going to

be nice to my enemy and God’s going to heap hot coals on their head?” We think that when our

enemies seem to have fallen and are suffering for their choices that God has somehow evened the

score for us. How pious and unmerciful can we be? God is not our personal body guard or hatchet

man.

We all deserve the hatchet, but have been given grace and mercy from the hand of a loving and

patient God. It was the kindness of God that has led us to repentance and God’s desire is that we

show loving kindness to our enemies in order that they may see that God is granting them His

salvation through His mercy and grace. Remember, because we have been reconciled to God, He

has given us the ministry of reconciliation not an opportunity to gloat.

When our enemies fall or stumble we must remind ourselves that the effects of that fall took down

many others who were in close relationship with them; and many times there are numerous

innocent people hurt. Sin never says enough and the cost of sin is always more than we anticipated.

“That’s what they get”, I’ve heard many people say and many more have thought it. Gloating comes

from unresolved bitterness. The book of James tells us that the root of bitterness will defile many

and will distance others from the grace of God and the healing and restoring touch of a Savior. The

heart that gloats is a heart that has become hardened by the deceitfulness of sin; the sin of

forgetting about the abundance of grace that has been so freely given to us.

Dad, we are all born into sin, but this issue of gloating I believe is something our sons learn from the

repeated response they see in our approach to those who sin against us. Gloating is a dark cloud

that covers the power of God’s grace to heal and restore and bring one who is lost to a saving

knowledge of Jesus Christ. Matt 5:44-46 "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those

who persecute you 45 in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes

His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the

same?

Dads, if we do not teach our sons to love their enemies the defiling sin of gloating will fill that void

and God’s glory will be lost. Your son’s heart will become cold and insensitive to his God’s presence

and grace.

TALKING POINTS Share with your son the times you can remember you allowed the bitterness in your heart to lead to

gloating. How distant you felt from the love and grace of God.

Dad, if you’ve not already told your son your testimony do it now and if you have before tell it again

and emphasize the abundance of grace God has shown you then and through the years.

Emphasizing grace will guard our hearts from being overtaken with selfish gloating.

Share with your son one of the ways we can tell our hearts are heading for trouble is we find the

anger and bitterness growing because it seems that God isn’t doing anything to make things right.

Our enemies seem to be going on as usual and we are still paying a price for their choices.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Judges 16:25-30; 2Sam. 16:5-11; Psa. 35:15; Psa. 42:10; Prov. 17:5; Obad. 12-13; Job 31:29-30;

Prov. 25:21; Luke 10:33-37; 1Thess. 5:15; Eph. 4:31; Heb. 12:15; Matt. 6:15

WALKING IN THE WORD Here is a hard one dad. There may be someone in time past that hurt you and deep down you are

still waiting for God to make things right. When you see them or hear their name mentioned you

can feel the frustration build up in your heart. Contact them and let them know that God has

convicted your heart to ask for forgiveness for desiring some payback when He has shown nothing

but mercy to you. They may not respond in the way you want, but your son will see firsthand what

real grace really is. If there are more than one work through the list and see the glory of God

revealed in the process; let this be a life impacting moment for your son.

Read together the story of Joseph and the many times he was mistreated, lied about and forgotten

and yet he never wished anything bad for those who hurt him. Make a list of responses Joseph gave

to his offenders and non-responses that most of us would have dealt out to our enemies if we had

been in his shoes.

LIFE PREPARATIONS Prov 24:27

27 Prepare your work outside,

And make it ready for yourself in the field;

Afterwards, then, build your house.

This morning as every other morning preparations are made in order for our day to function with

any kind of order or purpose. Some preparations need to be made that will provide and accomplish

those things for years to come. Whatever the case may be without preparations we do not exist.

God Himself has prepared everything according to His purpose and glory. Eph 2:10 For we are His

workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we

should walk in them.

Dad, it is one of your main responsibilities to prepare your son for what God has prepared for him.

I understand that God is all knowing and we are not, but day by day what happens in your son’s life

is God preparing him for His sovereign calling and purpose. You must help him see God’s hand in

every event and circumstance while teaching him to respond in a way that prepares his heart for

life’s ministry.

Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

The word “train” in the Hebrew is the word “hanak.” It paints the picture of something that is set

aside, a narrowing or hedging in. Since God’s call on our lives is irrevocable and the way is narrow,

we must prepare our sons to focus on His calling and not his own personal preference. Read again

the verse from Proverbs 22. We are to train him up in the “way he should go.” This is not inferring

that we should just let him pursue whatever he wants, but to help him see the God given gifts that

he has and then assist him in preparing those gifts in accordance with God’s glory.

The reason so many adults are struggling to find purpose in their lives comes from this one simple

truth; they have lived most of their lives allowing the world and their personal agendas to

determine how they prepared for their tomorrows. Now it is today and they are unprepared. Not

just unprepared for life here, but for life eternal. Every man will give an account for how he

prepared his life when he stands before the One who judges the thoughts and intentions of every

preparation.

TALKING POINTS Dad, every boy has thoughts and dreams at different stages of his life of what he wants to be. Let

him share those things with you and ask him why he chose those paths.

Next share with him all those things that you dreamed of doing while growing up. Share how much

you enjoyed those pursuits and even if they disappointed you and why they did. If you believe that

you have missed out on years of God opportunities because of your pursuits; share with him that

even though we may step outside of God’s purpose He is always a God of hope and restoration. Let

him know that what God starts He will finish.

Continue to let your son know that your greatest desire for him as that he may discover all that God

has prepared for him. Let him know that he doesn’t have to measure up to your expectations, but to

live by grace in God’s preparations.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK 1Kings 5:17-18; 1Kings 6:5; Luke 14:28-30; Ex. 23:20; 1Chron. 15:1-3; Psa. 74:16; Prov. 21:31;

Matt. 20:20-23; Matt. 22:1-14; Matt. 25:31-46; Luke 12:16-21; 1 Cor. 2:7-9; 2 Cor. 5:4-7; 2 Tim.

2:20-21;

WALKING IN THE WORD Dad, allow your son to serve with you in ministry where appropriate and watch as the Lord begins

to prepare his heart for His kingdom.

Find a spiritual gifts inventory survey and help your son fill it out to discover his spiritual make-up.

His physical talents and abilities are important, but these are not his spiritual gifts.

Find areas of interest and spiritual giftedness of your son and research the different areas that

incorporate his giftedness. Just as much as you would help him prepare to make the baseball team;

this is eternally more important.

Find people who are serving in the areas that your son is spiritually shaped in and set up interviews

for him to hear their testimonies and ask questions of how he may prepare himself for his calling.

LAZINESS Prov 24:33-34

33 "A little sleep, a little slumber,

A little folding of the hands to rest,"

34 Then your poverty will come as a robber,

And your want like an armed man.

With the advancement of technology it seems the idea of a good work ethic or a hard day’s work has

vanished from our vocabulary. I can remember as part of a new church plant and the building of

our church building that the younger generation seemed to have to take a rest break every fifteen

minutes and then it took us another thirty to bring them up to speed of where they had left off from

before.

I have to be honest with you dad, even in the process of writing this study in Proverbs for you and

your son I’ve realized that my Bible software program can make things so much easier that I can

become lazy in studying God’s word. Even this word processor I’m using makes writing so much

simpler I can become lazy in correctly spelling each word or how well I pay attention to my

grammar and punctuation.

If God had meant for us to be lazy He would not have given Adam any work to do in His garden, but

He did. When sin came into the world through Adam that work became more strenuous and

difficult and since that time man has worked harder at finding ways not to work than putting their

hands to the plow and not looking back. It has become easier to reach into our wallet than pick up a

shovel. It is vital for your son to know that we are to work by faith until Jesus comes and then

comes His judgment of those works. He needs to hear from the Lord, “you have been faithful with a

few things enter the joy of your master.”

These verses also apply to the folding of our hands to rest when it comes to our work of seeking

God with all our hearts through His word and ministry. To be neglectful in this work will leave him

spiritually impoverished and spiritually needy. God calls us to be diligent in our work in His

kingdom. The earlier you create good spiritual work habits in his life the greater chance he will

know the prosperity that only God has to offer. We are saved by grace through faith, but remember

God calls us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

TALKING POINTS Explain to your son the reasons you assign chores around the house for him to do.

Share with him the benefits that you have experienced because someone taught you about having a

good work ethic.

Discuss what effects laziness would bring about if people in the steel, car, farming or construction

industry would have on the whole country.

You may want to share how the growing unemployment cost will affect our country’s future

including his.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Prov. 6:4-11; Rom. 13:11; Eph. 5:14-17; Prov. 19:15; Prov.26:12-16; Prov. 10:3-5; Prov. 13:4; Prov.

13:25; Prov. 20:4; Matt. 25:26-30; Prov. 22:13; Prov. 24:30-32;

WALKING IN THE WORD Find those in your neighborhood that could use some help with raking leaves, walking their dog,

taking out their trash; jobs your son could do on an ongoing basis.

Develop a Bible reading program for the both of you along with memorizing one verse every week.

Help him develop better study habits for school with the intention to raise some of his lower

grades.

Find a hobby like coin collecting where he invest some time into researching different coins and

then working for the money to buy the coins he has researched. Help him see that consistent hard

work and sacrifice has a long range benefit.

SELF CONTROL Prov 25:28

28 Like a city that is broken into and without walls

Is a man who has no control over his spirit.

No one wants to feel vulnerable especially us manly men. We have this insatiable desire to be in

control of all our faculties and surroundings. But, the idea of having self control is sort of a

misnomer. We really never have self control over anything at least to the extent we think we do.

There is always someone or something to interrupt or self controlling plans.

But, there is a self control that is available to us through our relationship with Jesus Christ. As we

live by faith and walk by the Spirit and not the flesh there is a by-product of the fruit of the Spirit

and that fruit is self control. Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,

kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Through our submission to the truth

of God’s word the Holy Spirit controls our hearts and we can live a life of self control.

Eph 4:22-24 that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is

being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of

your mind, 24 and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in

righteousness and holiness of the truth. For us to have self control we must lay aside the old life

that seeks its own desires and be renewed in the spirit of our minds. We must remind ourselves

that we are a new creation in Christ and it is in that new creation we have the freedom and the

power to live a self controlled life.

It is the righteousness of Christ in us that enables us to be self controlled. It is the holiness of Christ

in us that sets our hearts apart to be self controlled and it His truth reigning within us that guides us

in everyday life to a self controlled life. There is nothing righteous, holy or truthful about our old

fleshly lives that enable us to be self controlled in anything. The verse in Ephesians stated that our

old selves were corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit. A corrupted deceitful heart is

helpless to maintain any self control without it eventually becoming corrupted and destructive.

We have control over our spirit when we are Spirit controlled. Gal 5:16 But I say, walk by the Spirit,

and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. A life controlled by the flesh is like a city that has

been broken into and without walls; the heart is completely vulnerable.

In watching the majority of Christians in today’s world there seems too little self control visible to

those living in darkness. There is very little difference determinable between the Christians and

non Christian. We are to be light and salt, but it appears to be getting darker and the decaying is

increasing.

Dad, your son needs at the earliest age to learn to be controlled by the Spirit!

TALKING POINTS

Dad, discuss with your son the difference between being self controlled by the flesh and the self

control of the Spirit.

Talk about the signs of fleshly self control. There is abuse of authority, manipulation, deception,

fear, anger and division to name a few. Talk about why these are by-products of fleshly self control.

Talk about the results of fleshly self control in the home, work, church and businesses he may one

day be a part of.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK 1Cor. 9:24-27; 2 Tim. 3:1-5; 2 Pet. 1:4-8; Gal. 5:22-23; Tit. 1:8-9; Rom. 8:13-14; 1 Cor. 2:12-16; Gal.

3:3; Rom. 7:5-6; Rom. 8:5-8; 2 Cor. 10:3-5; Gal. 5:16-17; 1 John 2:16-17

WALKING IN THE WORD Diets are always an issue of self control. Find a food or snack that the both of you enjoy and agree

to go one month without that item. I would suggest that you don’t make this just item, but one

category of items. Not just candy bars, but all candy.

In order to strengthen your walk in the Spirit give up watching television for a determined amount

of time in order to commit to studying God’s word. Do a study on the flesh and the Spirit.

Walking in the Spirit will be impossible without strengthening your prayer life. Start a prayer

journal together and set aside several times during the day for quiet time in prayer listening for

God’s voice.

MEDDLING Prov 26:17

17 Like one who takes a dog by the ears

Is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him.

Sticking our noses where they don’t belong will eventually bring us heartache never intended for

us. That dog will most likely turn around and bite us. We have to ask ourselves the question; why

are we looking for trouble that doesn’t belong to us? Is it our desire to honor the Lord by faithfully

ministering with an end result of reconciliation or do we have some sort of hero complex wanting

to prove something?

I have learned in my previous experiences of counseling that if the person doesn’t come to you for

help they are not ready for help. I may ask if there is anything I can do for them, but if they don’t

open the door we do not need to kick it in. Kicking a door in means that it was locked and the only

One who can unlock a door is the One who has the keys to our hearts. The Lord is capable of

preparing the heart to the point of opening it up for outside help. We must stay available and

remain observant of the Lord’s hand working out the opportunity for ministering the good news to

the heart that is troubled, but we never should have the attitude that we need to help God out; He

doesn’t need it.

The differences between ministry and meddling become clouded in our minds when our pride is

the motivating factor. We have been given the ministry of reconciliation and we are called to be

ambassadors of Christ, but that means we represent Him and His glory; not our own.

Jesus Himself while on earth did not heal every sickness or raise every dead person to life. He told

us that He could only do what He saw the Father doing. I believe we serve the Lord to His greatest

glory when we follow His example. We must only do those things that we see the Father doing by

walking through the doors that He opens for us.

Dad, this will require you to teach your son to walk in the Spirit by always maintaining a heart of

humility and sensitivity to the open doors God provides for him to walk through. Encourage him by

sharing God’s promise of providing for us those things we need to say in times of not knowing what

to say. Dad, your son will have enough trouble and heartache of his own to worry about than to

have to go looking for what doesn’t belong to him. The enemy is the father of meddling and his

desire is for your son to walk through his door and not God’s door of true ministry.

TALKING POINTS Share with your son those times in your life when someone stuck their nose into your life and the

painful fallout it brought you and those around you.

Ask your son to share with you if there have been any times when someone meddled in his life.

Discuss areas of a person’s life that may warrant our loving involvement. What sort of relationship

should we have that warrants our involvement? What other people should be brought into the

circumstances to help restore and or reconcile the conflict?

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Prov. 17:11; Prov. 16:6-8; Prov. 20:3; 2 Tim. 2:23-26; Prov. 6:12-19; Prov. 18:1-2; John 8:3-11; Prov.

10:11-12; Prov. 13:10; Prov. 16:28-30; Prov. 17:14; Prov. 26:21; 1 Cor. 3:3; 1 Tim. 6:3-5

WALKING IN THE WORD Make an appointment with your Pastor with the purpose of interviewing him on the number of

times and the results of those who went to meddling in the church. (No names)

In your interview with the Pastor ask him how the both of you as members of the body of Christ

could help in the prevention of meddling.

Make a list of guidelines within your family that will set the boundaries for healthy conflict

resolution without crossing the lines into meddling.

SELFISH BOASTING Prov 27:1-2

27 Do not boast about tomorrow,

For you do not know what a day may bring forth.

2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;

A stranger and not your own lips.

From the earliest age a young boy begins to dream about what he wants to be when he grows up.

He is influenced by the heroes around him and the success of those heroes fuels the fires of his

passionate pursuit. His free time is consumed with mimicking the actions and life styles of that

baseball player, some super cop on TV or some action hero in his comic books or video games. His

bedroom walls have become a shrine and constant motivation of his personal pursuit and goal in

life.

The imagination of childhood innocence begins to transform a little bit as we are impacted with

life’s reality. Life it is not all make believe and there are real circumstances to the choices we make

as well as the choices others make around us. There are still many outside influences that shape

our dreams and ambitions, but they fall into the categories of success, titles, and the world’s

definition of living the good life.

Our pursuits become a matter of performance and our competitive natures kick into gear.

Friendships become stepping stones to our next level of success and before we realize it our

friendship have become superficial and meaningless. We no longer have any trusting friendships

and if we do we no longer have the time to enjoy them.

The words may never reach our lips that others may actually hear, but in our hearts we are self-

proclaiming to the watching world; “look what I have accomplished.” “I’ve really worked hard.” “I

have sacrificed everything to get where I am today.” What started out as a child’s dream has

become a life of arrogance and selfish boasting.

This is not just about the people who live their lives without a thought about the God who created

them, but seems to be the prevailing mentality of professing Christians. In talking to many adult

Christian believers I have asked them the question; “Is what you’re doing what God has called you

to do?” The standard answer is usually; “Well I think so.” Or, “I’m really doing well so I guess I’m

where God wants me to be.” There has never been a process of seeking God with all our heart that

we might be what He has called us to be and to be in the place He has called us to do it.

We do not know what tomorrow will bring, but God does. To be striving after our own plans

without the God who knows our tomorrows and the plans He has for us is as Solomon said; “it’s all

vanity.”

We are to be faithful in seeking after God and the plans He has for our lives. Jer 29:11 'For I know

the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord,' plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a

future and a hope. Our future and hope are not built on selfish boasting and achievements. If there

is any boasting to be done it is what Christ has accomplished in us, that which brings Him glory. If

others give you praise it is praise that should echo in the halls of heaven not in our prideful hearts

here on earth.

TALKING POINTS Talk about the differences between being confident and being selfishly boastful. What does each of

these speak about our hearts and what direction does each of them lead us down?

Since self boasting is dependent upon us; discuss how the expectations that are placed on us will

come to the point we are no longer able to perform them. Self boasting takes you down a dead end

road.

You’ve heard the term; “put up or shut up”. Share with your son a time when your boasting painted

you in a corner. What lessons did you learn?

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Luke 12:19-21; 2 Cor. 6:1-2; James 4:13-17; 2 Cor. 10:12-15; 2 Cor. 10:18; Prov. 20:6; Prov. 25:6-7;

Prov. 25:27; 1 Sam. 2:3; Psa. 20:7; Psa. 34:1-3; Jer. 9:23-24; 1 Cor. 1:27-31; 2 Cor. 12:7-9

WALKING IN THE WORD On a piece of paper write down your gifts and abilities and to the right of them write down how

those abilities and gifts impact your life without the acknowledgement of God as their source.

Research the career of a famous baseball player of today over the last five years. Record his stats

and awards and accomplishments. How important will his life’s achievements be thirty years from

now?

Make a list of all the things you both can think of that are worth boasting about. Then explain why

they are worth boasting about them. What impact will your list have on the lives of others when

you are both dead and gone?

STUBBORNNESS Prov 29:1

9 A man who hardens his neck after much reproof

Will suddenly be broken beyond remedy.

We never have to teach our sons to be stubborn it is ingrained into their sinful DNA. Once they

learn the word “no” the battle begins. After the constant catering the first several months of their

lives it’s a natural transition to stubborn defiance.

It might seem cute as they seek out their independence, but there comes a point when it is no

longer cute, but deadly. Resisting the discipline of his parents will leave him vulnerable to the

consequences of the evil world we live in. There is an increasing danger for our sons when they

have stubbornly resisted what is right and there seems to be no consequences. We all can develop

a callousness to the wrong we have done when we think no one saw anything and we’ve gotten

away with it. Num 32:23 But if you will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be

sure your sin will find you out. Be sure you have not gotten away with it. God is merciful and

longsuffering, but He hates sin and cannot overlook the stubborn unrepentful heart. There is

always forgiveness, but understand forgiveness does not mean that the consequences have been

removed.

Rom 5:20-6:2 And the Law came in that the transgression might increase; but where sin increased,

grace abounded all the more, 21 that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through

righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. 6:1 What shall we say then? Are we to

continue in sin that grace might increase? 2 May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live

in it? A stubborn heart is one who has trampled underfoot God’s loving grace. He has taken lightly

the grace that has cleansed him and set him free from the slavery of sin and sin’s payment: death!

A child of God who lives in stubborn rebelliousness will suddenly be broken by the disciplining

hand of his loving Father. God disciplines His own. An earthly father may be negligent of his

fatherly responsibilities, but our Heavenly Father is faithful to His. He is a God of Righteousness

and Holiness and to ignore the sinful stubbornness of one of His own would reveal unfaithfulness to

Himself. God would no longer be God if He was to ignore stubborn rebellion in any of His creation.

This verse in Proverbs tells us that this brokenness that will come will come suddenly. Without

warning, when we least expect it. Sin will take us further then we want to go, keep us longer than

we want to stay and cost us more than we ever expected and we will never contemplate this saying

until “suddenly” comes.

Dad, love your son enough to write this warning on his heart that he may never experience the day

of “suddenly”.

TALKING POINTS

Dad, share with your son how stubbornness has cost you relationally, financially, physically and

spiritually.

Share with your son the many times you have been patient with him when he has been stubborn in

his response to what you have asked him to do. Explain to him that out of love there came a time

when you could no longer be patient with his actions. Share with him your concerns if you had let

him go further into his rebellion what the consequences would have been.

Remind him that God loves him even more than you do and He sees even the things you can’t and

He will not allow him to continue in the rebellion of his heart.

Talk with him of the choices he has of humbling himself before God in obedience now or being

broken in God’s discipline of his rebellion.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK 1 Sam. 2:25; 1 Kings 21:20-22; 2 Chron. 36:15-17; Prov. 1:24-31; Zech 1:3-6;Matt. 26:21-25; 2

Chron. 36:13; Neh. 9:29; Prov. 6:14-15; Prov. 28:18; 1 Thess. 5:3; Ex. 32:9-14;Psa. 50:17-23

WALKING IN THE WORD At the top of a piece of paper write the verses from Eph 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the

Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a

promise), 3 that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Write the results

of these verses as they pertain to the times your son has been obedient or disobedient.

Read the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel verses 1-51. Write down the events and comments

of David that reveal a heart of obedience. Now read 2 Samuel 11 verses 1 through chapter 12 and

verse 19. How has the stubbornness of sin broken the heart of David.

Make it your priority to pray with your son every night before bed and in those prayers humble

yourselves before God in honest confession of any stubbornness that has led to sin that you may

both avoid the day of “suddenly”.

A FUTURE WIFE Prov 31:10-11

10 An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

An excellent wife the Bible tells us is hard to find. The Hebrew word for excellent is the English

word for virtuous. A virtuous woman or to say it another way, the morally excellent woman is hard

to find. You would think that if women outnumber men two to one how hard could it be? His word

tells us that it’s not the woman who is hard to find, but the virtuous woman that seems to escape

most men. Most men do not evaluate women the way God designed and intended them to be

chosen, nor do they spend the time to know the heart whether it is virtuous or not.

God created the man and then He created the woman. He also instituted the covenant of marriage

in which He calls them to become one flesh. An excellent wife may be hard to find, but in order for

any couple to become one the man must be an excellent man. Excellence comes from a heart that

has been entrusted into the hands of its Creator. So, if you are preparing your son to become an

excellent husband you should also be preparing him to be discerning in his choice of an excellent

wife.

Prov 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be

praised. This virtuous woman is one that fears the Lord and is worthy of praise and a profitable

choice for your son. Your son will have no lack of gain. She will love your son in such a way that he

will lack no gain as a man and husband. It is not only profit in a financial way, but physically,

emotionally and spiritually. That is why the word of God refers to a man’s wife as his helpmate.

She completes him making him whole and free to become all that God created him to be and that is

profitable in every sense of the word.

The issues that arise after a period of time in a marriage are largely due to the lack of excellence in

one or both of the married couple. The investment that you and your wife put into your son’s life

can all go bankrupt if he does not make it a priority to find that excellent wife.

Eph 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared

beforehand, that we should walk in them. Every aspect of our lives is part of God’s workmanship

that He prepared beforehand and part of the good works that we are to walk in include the

excellent marriage between an excellent husband and an excellent wife.

Hey dad, be an excellent example!

TALKING POINTS

Marriage may be a long way off for your son, but just share with him what has made your marriage

profitable in respect to your wife his mother.

Share with him the problems that arise when a couple does not strive for excellence that God

designed marriage to be.

Talk extensively the importance of marriage and the woman he is to love and cherish as Christ has

loved and cherished him. That marriage is a lifetime commitment and the wife he marries must be

a virtuous woman in order for that marriage to last a lifetime.

This marriage is not one sided and just as God has an excellent wife for him to marry he must be an

excellent husband. He must pursue an intimate and growing relationship with his Savior Jesus

Christ in order to maintain the excellence that is required of him.

WORD OF GOD SPEAK Ruth 3:10-11; Prov. 12:4; Prov. 18:22; Prov. 19:14; Song. 6:8-9; Eph. 5:25-33;Gen. 2:24; Prov. 7:10-

23; Prov. 14:1; Tit. 2:4-7; 1 Pet. 3:1-5; Prov. 7:1-7; Prov. 31:12-29

WALKING IN THE WORD Have your son make a list of the top ten things that he sees as the most important attributes in a

wife.

Have him make a list of the top ten things that he as a husband should have in order to be an

excellent husband.

Ask him what he believes holds a marriage together and how he can prepare himself as a husband

to hold up his part.

Those things in our lives that require excellence are things that demand us to fervently pray for

God’ guidance, strength and love in order for us to be excellent. It is never too early to pray for an

excellent wife; start now.

Dad, there should be a dating standard established to ensure the right priorities are set in place to

ensure your son’s excellent wife can be found. If you have lovingly shared the importance of having

an excellent wife setting up standards should not be world war three.

Remember rules without relationship lead to rebellion. Setting up standards in your son’s life when

you’ve not established a confident relationship with your son first could be disastrous.