Please read and respond to this student paper as you would typically

respond to one of your own students.

The student has written a personal narrative essay, and this is an early

draft .

To begin…

RACHEL LUTWICK-DEANERGREAT LAKES WRITERS INSTITUTE

2013

Reconsidering the Red Pen: Moving towards a multi-role feedback model

and setting the “marking pen” aside

Outline for Today

Where I’m coming fromMy current practiceMentor textSelf-analysisApplying the mentor textConclusions

Where I’m Coming From

Formal Training in Teaching College Comp16 years of Teaching Writing in a College

SettingTaught between 1-4 classes a semesterVarying Exposure to Current Research

Nancy Sommers (1980)

Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers

Revision Strategies (Sommers, 1980)

Local I say scratch out and do over, and

that means what it says. I read what I have written and I cross out a word and put another word in…

Reviewing means just using better words and eliminating words that are not needed.

Redoing means cleaning up the paper and crossing out. It is looking at something and saying, not that has to go.

I don’t use the word rewriting because I only write one draft and the changes that I make are made on top of the draft. The changes that I make are usually just marking out words and putting different ones in.

Global It is a matter of looking at the

kernel of what I have written, the content, and then thinking about it, responding to it, making decisions, and actually restructuring it.

Rewriting means on one level, finding the argument, and on another level, language changes to make the argument more effective. Most of the time I feel as I can go on rewriting forever.

My first draft is usually very scattered. In rewriting, I find the line of argument. After the argument is resolved, I am much more interested in word choice and phrasing.

It means taking apart what I have written and putting it back together again.

Local Revision Strategies

I say scratch out and do over, and that means what it says. I read what I have written and I cross out a word and put another word in…

Reviewing means just using better words and eliminating words that are not needed.

Redoing means cleaning up the paper and crossing out. It is looking at something and saying, not that has to go.

I don’t use the word rewriting because I only write one draft and the changes that I make are made on top of the draft. The changes that I make are usually just marking out words and putting different ones in.

Global Revision Strategies

It is a matter of looking at the kernel of what I have written, the content, and then thinking about it, responding to it, making decisions, and actually restructuring it.

Rewriting means on one level, finding the argument, and on another level, language changes to make the argument more effective. Most of the time I feel as I can go on rewriting forever.

My first draft is usually very scattered. In rewriting, I find the line of argument. After the argument is resolved, I am much more interested in word choice and phrasing.

It means taking apart what I have written and putting it back together again.

From Revision to Feedback, at Draft Level

“Regardless of how much experience we have or how much we have put into honing our methods, I believe that each of us could benefit from examining the ways we respond, looking at the ways other teachers go about making comments on student writing, and expanding our repertoire of response strategies.”

~Richard Straub, Introduction. A Sourcebook for Responding to Student Writing

My Practice, Before Analysis

• Feedback on discussion board• Peer review sheets• Highs and Lows• Online student feedback forms• Camtasia feedback

Black Board Discussion Board—Instructor Feedback

Peer Review Sheet

Word Document

Highs And Lows Presentations

Online Student Feedback Forms

Camtasia Feedback

http://raidercast.grcc.edu/relay/rlutwickdeaner/2013/Feedback_for_Jen.2.28_-_Flash_(Original_Size)_-_20130228_10.08.59PM.html

“Regardless of how much experience we have or how much we have put into honing our methods, I believe that each of us could benefit from examining the ways we respond, looking at the ways other teachers go about making comments on student writing, and expanding our repertoire of response strategies.”

~Richard Straub, Introduction. A Sourcebook for Responding to Student Writing

Analysis of Teacher Feedback

Changing Roles: Providing written feedback to student writers by moving from the ideal-text bearer to the roles of coach, reader, and editor

Jennifer L. Van Der Heide

Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback

Role #1: Bearer of ideal text

Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback

Role #1: Bearer of ideal textRole #2: Coach

Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback

Role #1: Bearer of ideal textRole #2: CoachRole #3: Reader

Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback

Role #1: Bearer of ideal textRole #2: CoachRole #3: ReaderRole #4: Editor

Role #1: Bearer of Ideal Text

Define epic hero.Explain how these situations needed

strength.Who said this and why?I would also include a concluding sentence

here.Include a 2nd similarity.

Role #2: Coach

Do you think it’s effective to end in a question like this? What if someone answered no?

What was the consequence of this for Romeo?Why won’t she?Why doesn’t he like Romeo?

Role #3: Reader

“This piece had me laughing out loud-I loved it! Great detail and voice-you really showed your personality.”

I’m confused at this point in your text. You lost me when you started talking about miniature horses.

Role #4: Editor

Typical marginal comments related to commas, sentence fragments, run-ons, etc.

Analysis of Feedback on Student Paper

Label your feedback. What roles have you played and where?

Role #1: Bearer of ideal textRole #2: CoachRole #3: ReaderRole #4: Editor

What is….

Awk

Expand

Be more concise

Can you try a different opener?

I’m confused here

What Should We Be Doing?

Van Der Heide’s Conclusions

Early typed DraftRole: CoachThe responder poses questions, makes

suggestions, and points out problems.Example: “How might you change the order

of your main points to make them more effective?”

Van Der Heide’s Conclusions

“Final” DraftRole: EditorThe responder points out errors in

grammar, usage, mechanics, and spellingCircling spelling, capitalization, and

punctuation errors. Underlining fragments and run-ons.

Van Der Heide’s Conclusions

Final Graded DraftRole: Reader The responder shares thoughts and feelings

as a reader.“I was very convinced by your argument.”

Role: EvaluatorThe responder grades the writing.“I can’t believe that really happened!”

Play The Roles: Another Student Draft

CoachReader Editor

Try to play the role that you did not play in the initial draft

What I’ve Learned

I began this process thinking about the problems associated with marking grammar and mechanics and how sentence-level feedback can inhibit a writer’s progress.

I have come to appreciate, through Van Der Heide’s work, that a more important change is to resist being the Bearer of Ideal Text, whether you are “correcting” as an editor or “correcting” because you feel that the topic, voice, line of prose is not right.

Next Steps for Me as Writing Teacher

Recognizing tension between allowing students to discover their own voices and preparing them to write for a college audience.

Recognizing the need to engage in discourse about their writing and avoiding being the bearer of ideal text.

Continuing to make students responsible for their sentence level work.

Works Cited

Sommers, N. (1997). Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers. In V. Villanueva (Ed.), Cross Talk in Comp Theory: A Reader (pp. 43-54). Urbana, IL: National Council of Teachers of English.

Straub, R. (1999). Introduction. In R. Straub (Ed.), Sourcebook for Responding to Student Writing (pp. 1-7).

Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press. Van Der Heide, J. Changing Roles: Providing written feedback

to student writers by moving from the ideal-text bearer to the roles of coach, reader, and editor. Unpublished manuscript.