Toboggan TimesA newsletter for those who ride down icy chutes on bent pieces of wood.

· Issue #12 · Write us at 246 Main Street, Lincolnville, Maine 04849 · December 2004

In This T T T T Toboggan Toboggan Toboggan Toboggan Toboggan Times imes imes imes imes Issue2004 Nationals Results start on page 6Save Barry at the Nationals? , page 5

Letters to the Editor, page 8

See L.L.Bean Page 3

A Modest$2.00

Not Our Biggest Issue Ever but Adequate!

Racers Buy Up Non-Regulation Toboggans atL.L.Bean

They’re Nice But No Good

Newcomers Surprised Every Year

By 7pm Friday before the Nationals, Sue Chase, who wasinspecting and certifying toboggans for the race, had alreadyrejected two brand new toboggans for being too narrow. Wheredid these toboggans come from? New teams, on their waynorth, stopped at Freeport and bought many of them atL.L.Bean.

Every year shiny new L.L.Bean toboggans are rejectedbecause they are too narrow to meet the standards of theNationals. In 2003, a total of 14 toboggans were rejected (forvarious reasons). The rules state that the toboggan must be 16to 18 inches wide and 7 to 12 feet in length. L.L.Bean Tobog-gans are 15-3/4 inches wide but that hasn’t always been thecase. Fresh Bait, a US Coast Guard team, has been using twoold L.L.Bean toboggans that measure 16-1/2 inches wide.(However the Times has not been able to verify their identity,especially since Fresh Bait is not on the team register so theprevious statement has to be taken as “hearsay from an undis-closed source”.)

To get the real story, the Toboggan Times contacted Ms. M.Hensley at L.L.Bean. Being company savvy, she quicklydistanced herself from such a questionable publication as oursand put us in touch with Steve Monahan, a production engi-neer at L.L.Bean.

Hal Ostrom and crew bought their too narrowtoboggan at L.L.Bean because “We were too cheap tobuy a Camden Toboggan Company toboggan” The sledcost him $129.00. The team planned to return thetoboggan to L.L.Bean on their way back to Essex, Ct.

The Nationals: BigChanges Happen,Bigger ChangesPlannedDoes David Dickey Have anything to do with this?

David Dickey is a man on a mission. You know David, he isthe guy at the top of the chute during the Nationals with theheadset and microphone that gives the OK to send you and yourtoboggan toward oblivion. When Chip Taylor stepped down ashead of the Camden Parks and Recreation Department (and theSnow Bowl) last May, it was a sign to Dickey that the winds ofchange were blowin’.

Dickey has advocated for change in the way the Snow Bowloperates the Nationals and the toboggan chute but it has beendifficult getting things past “Stonewall” Taylor. Upon Taylor’sdeparture, Dickey approached the Toboggan Committee andasked them if he could make improvements to the chute area andthe way the Nationals were run. He would work on the projectat no cost to the committee as long as the committee and theSnow Bowl left him alone to do the work. They agreed and

Dickey, in the grand tradition of a loose cannon, hasn’tlooked back since.

Heimmedi-

atelyorga-

nizedvolunteer

crews to startoverhauling the

chute area. DaveThomas, Stewart Young

and Dickey himselfcleared trees and brushalong the chute toimprove safety, visibilityand access. Dickey

See Dicky Page 2

TTTTTOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGAN T T T T TIMESIMESIMESIMESIMES · PAGE 2 · DECEMBER 2004

Toboggan Times is published oh, every so often, maybe twice a year, maybe justonce, by Local Yokels, a division of Yokels International and is dedicated tomaintaining a certain mix of serious racing fervor, a disdain for competitive sports,a rational view of the world and of course, an affinity for the bizarre, absurd, andamusing behavior of humans. Subscriptions are probably available but it's all we'vegot to get this piece out let alone maintain a mailing list and keep track of who hasor hasn't paid. If you send us some money, you might get a copy. Or maybe not.

©2004 Yokels International Publisher and Editor: Tom SadowskiProufreading: “Blind” Janis Kay Data Entry: Laine SandersonWrite to us at 246 Main Street, Lincolnville, Maine 04849-9759. Don't try to call

us and we won't try to call you. Better yet, E-Mail Tom Sadowski at:sadowski@tidewater.net or, get this, if it's up and running, visit our Web Site onthe Internet at: trytypingthisin:/nowehaven’tputtogetherawebsiteyet.com

organized local kids to build fire rings at the bottom and top of thechute so that teams would have a more formal fire to warm them-selves between runs.

The approach to the chute was redesigned so that teams now willclimb the stairs to a point above the top of the chute, split into twolines, and then load onto the chute by coming downhill. This should

speed uploading sothat moreruns can betaken duringthe Nationals.

In hisspare time,Dickeydesigned a“TobogganChuteZamboni”which is acooler ofwater that isdrawn up thechute on acable while itlays down a

fine spray along the way. This should make for a smoother, fastertrack. In addition, Dickey plans to have the chute painted “pondwater white” top, to bottom before competition begins.

The Coast Guard, says Dickey, will help keep the toboggan zoneon Hosmer Pond clear of people. This has always been a bottleneckbecause toboggans at the top of the chute cannot be cleared forrelease unless everyone is out of the way on the pond below.

Parking is in theprocess of being rede-signed. Dickey hasrecruited the local RotaryClub to direct parkingwhen the Nationals areheld in February.

Everything is in flux.There will be an ex-panded vendor area inthe woods at the base ofthe chute where Dickeyplans to attract variousbusinesses to cater to thewants of race-goers. Withthe help of Ed Socker andcrew, the chute will bere-leveled and tweaked back to where it was meant to be for astraighter shot at the pond. All of the footbridges around the chutearea will be rebuilt, replaced or strengthened. Culverts will be put inplace at the chute to relieve the glaciation effect that sweeps specta-tors off their feet. Twelve new parking spots will be created in the

DickyFrom Page 1

Dickey Shows off the business end of hisToboggan Chute Zamboni

Ed Socker, stands on the chute andexplains to his crew exactly whatthe Atkins diet did for him.

“Paradise Parking” zone.Dickey is also opening

up new avenues for sponsor-ship of the Nationals,planning for an extension tothe top of the chute andmore festival integrationwith the Camden Down-town Business Group. Hehas a new hydraulic releasemechanism in the works forthe top of the chute. Didwe mention that he alsoowns and runs the CamdenRiverhouse Hotel?

And then there are plans to bring some of the festivities todowntown Camden. The local Chamber of Commerce is scheduling itsWinter Fest for the same weekend. Stores will be open late. Thepublic landing at the docks will be closed to traffic throughout theweekend and will be the site of the snow castle building competi-

tion.And then there

are Dickey’s plansfor the costumeparade and theToboggan WorldChampionship…Check your 2005program guide forsurprises. Theremay be a race for allchampions fromprevious years ifDickey can put ittogether. There’s nostopping this man.Shake his hand ifyou see him at theNationals.

Stewart Young hauls brush andlogs as they are cut away fromthe top of the chute to make wayfor the new loading zone.

David Dickey tries to avoid Dave Thomas’chainsaw as he slashes, Texas style,through the undergrowth at the chute.

❄

Busted! Maslen Flett with team #175, Uptown Sorority Girlsfrom Portland, Maine is forced to plane down the woodenrunners on his toboggan in order to make it legal for theNationals. Rules allow for runners to extend no more than aquarter inch from the base of the toboggan. The TobogganCommittee started cracking down on sled design in 2003although many irregularities still exist. Steve Huff fromThrobbin’ Boggins commented that he had to cut two inchesoff his sled even though the same toboggan passed theinspection last year.

TTTTTOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGAN T T T T TIMESIMESIMESIMESIMES · PAGE 3 · DECEMBER 2004

Steve was good to talk with because he claims to know“quite a bit” about the Nationals in Camden. He competedat the 2001 Nationals with two L.L.Bean teams calledScreaming Beanies and Freeport Flyers. Of course if heknew a little more than “quite a bit” his teamswouldn’t have placed 66th and 98th in the 4-personfinals. The teams raced two hand built toboggans andgot what Monahan termed “very wet” in the deepwater that seeped onto the run at the end of the chutein that year.

Never-the-less, he was the right man to talk to.Monahan explained that L.L.Bean toboggans havealways been 7 slats wide at 2-1/4 inch per slat makingthem 15-3/4 inches wide. ¼ inch short of the Nationalsminimum. Of course this is with all the slats pushedtogether tight.

Over recent years, the contract to produce thesetoboggans has fallen to three different companies -onepicking up where the other left off as toboggan makersslowly went out of business. Saunders Brothers, Tor-pedo (who made the sleds from maple) and now SMBfrom Canada all produced great quantities of toboggansfor L.L.Bean although the store won’t disclose just howgreat these quantities might be. Apparently, the differ-ent manufactures may have allowed just a bit morespace between the slats which would account for thefact that older Bean toboggans qualify. All it would takeis a 24th of an inch between slats to make up the differ-ence.

L.L.Bean does not intend to change their specifica-tions to accommodate the small number of sleds theysell to competitors but Monahan has sent a memo to hissales people to watch out for toboggan customers comelate January and early February.

“We’ll try to get the word out [to the customers] thatthese toboggans won’t qualify”, he said.

The Toboggan Times has a few creative suggestionsfor L.L.Bean like a product that would consist of asingle, pre-bent, toboggan slat that would come withbrackets and could be quickly screwed onto the edge sothat it would meet competition standards. L.L.Beancould call it the “Competitor’s Edge”. For a few extradollars they could throw in some wood putty to fill inthe screw holes, some sandpaper and ski wax and call itthe “Competitor’s Edge - Contractor Grade”.

(The Toboggan Times is full of ideas. Stop by our officeand we will sell you as many as you like for 50 cents each.)

But all this information didn’t help Good to Go, a fourperson team (Bib #195) who proudly showed up with theirnew L.L.Bean machine or Hall Ostrom with TZVECLRacing (Bib #232) who stopped in Freeport on their wayup from Essex, CT.

Asked if he planned on returning the sled to L.L.Bean,Ostrom just half smiled and half smirked and replied“Tomorrow”. ❄

From Page 1

Web Page UpdateThe Toboggan Times has been diligently pursuing an easy

method to get out on the web. OK, we’re a little balled up inHTML and PDF files and IPO and PhD’s right now but we arein the middle of a fantastic financial deal with a gentlemanfrom Nigeria who sent us an e-mail. Stand by. When this dealbreaks, we will own the Internet! Meanwhile, for a good time,make sure you have the latest Flash plug in and go to http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html

L.L.Bean

Big Team Sweeps 8Awards from 14th

Toboggan NationalsIt was a good year for the Nationals. Just like the year before,

the weather was very cold for two months leading up to theraces and then it warmed up on Friday night. Almost too warm.It snowed. And rained. But racing conditions were good forSaturday and the sun shone for Sunday and all was well.

There was a good deal of media coverage. Sports Illustratedwas there. The Outdoor Life Network was there, so was theBoston Globe and all went well.

The Toboggan Committee cracked down on inspectionsweighing and measuring each toboggan to make sure it metspecifications. Except for the blood on the ice here and there, allwent well.

There was a new contest won by The Mustangs for thelongest run. The spirit award went to the Rift Rafters teams(Ernie Plummer, Sue Gilby, Carol Sebold, Vicki Harner, andDonna Cherry) who have committed many years of enthusiasm tothe Nationals. A team from Harrisville, R.I., One SleeveOptional, made up of Michael Tousignant, Kevin Beaurgard andSean Jackson, won first place in the 3 person division. But thebig win was by a group of teams headed up by Alan Hill. Theytook 2nd place in the 2 person division with a team calledWhite Heat 2, 2nd Place in the 3 person division with WhiteHeat 3, 1st place in the 4 person division with Take No Prison-ers, 2nd place in the 4 person division with The Schmucks, thefastest family team with The Bumps, fastest women’s team withHot Flash plus two other trophies that seemed to fall into theirlap just by sheer momentum. These are the teams to watch in2005.

The teams headed up by Alan Hill get interviewed by theOutdoor Life Network crew. Members, in no particularorder, include Ed Zanka, Leslie Hill, Matt Hill, Evan Hill,Joanne Haeberle, Maureen Littlefield, Kyleigh Dachos, TimLittlefield, Adam Littlefield, Matt Gilligan and one moreperson whose name was noted as Jack Daniels. (Things arebound to get screwed up with that many people involved).

The Official Toboggan Times Measurement

A decrease of 0 ft. 5½ in. over the 2003 Nationals

2004 Nationals Race Distance423 ft,10½ in

❄

TTTTTOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGAN T T T T TIMESIMESIMESIMESIMES · PAGE 4 · DECEMBER 2004

Chili and Chowder Challenge 2004

Chili and ChowderChallenge Satisfies

and Mystifies Patrons

Can you give me directions torestaurant “F”?

“T&A are my favorites!”

(Editor’s note: From time to time, the Toboggan Times sends in itsown team of questionably qualified taste testers to check on the CCCheld during the Toboggan Nationals. Here are their reports.)

The parking lot at the Snow Bowl was filling up. I noticed that allof the orange and white helium filled balloons meant to decorate thehall were left stranded in large, clear, plastic bags up against theceiling on the lower floor awaiting deployment. After the Challengesomeone would remember that they forgot to put them up. The lineof hungry people waiting to get into the annual Chili and ChowderChallenge grew to a hundred. Twenty minutes late, the gastronomicalfair opened the doors and let in the throngs to test the chowder andsample the chili from nine different local eating establishments. Letthe heartburn begin!

If you took a small Dixie cup sample of every available dish, youwould have gone to your table with 20 cups on your tray plus a sodaand a bread roll. There was only room enough on most trays for acouple of RolAids which might be a welcome addition for futureevents. The offerings were wide and varied. The patrons were jovialand conversant. It was the new balloting method, however, thatmade a lot of eaters wonder just where the food they were eating wascoming from. Oh, the intentions were noble: as in previous years,every restaurant was given a letter code to put on their Dixie cups ofchowder and chili. So far so good. However, nowhere on the ballotwas there an indication of what letter stood for which restaurant.This was noble because it forced you to taste the cuisine without

knowing where it came from. But when all was said and done no oneknew which restaurant prepared the food.

The event was closer to a double blind scientific study ratherthan a promotion for the local eateries. Even the conversation at thetable was different.

“I like ‘U’,” one burly male patron said to another grizzled eaterin a plaid shirt and suspenders.

“‘G’, that’s nice”.“‘U’’s some smooth and don’t sting like a ‘B’.“I’d like to go to ‘C’ but I think I have it confused with ‘U’.From the restaurants’ point of view, the event is hardly worth the

time if the patrons walkaway after tasting theirfabulous fare but are nonethe wiser as to whichrestaurant might serve thatsame dish. To add igno-rance to injury, unless aneater made a note of theeatery’s letter, they wouldhave no idea if theirfavorite foods won or not.

In a political electionthis system would make alot more sense. ComeNovember, by this method,we would all be herdedinto a room and we wouldbe given statements by the various candidates in Dixie cups. Wewould not be told which candidate made the statement. Then wewould vote on our favorite statements. The ballots would be countedby people with no accountability and then shredded. Before theballots actually made it to a dumpster, the winner would be an-nounced and a concession speech given. Oh, excuse me, somehow Igot the Chili and Chowder ballot system confused with the nationalelection process, both of which leave a disquietingly similar bad tastein my mouth.

All in all, it was good fun. Except that it was not half the fun thatit used to be when we could taste a cup of chowder, look up who wasresponsible, and then announce loudly that just last summer, youtasted road-kill stew that was more to your liking than the chowderthey’re serving up at the So and So Café. Others would agree or standin defense of their favorite eateries. Of course people are too full tofight and because of the Chili, they generally agree that they can’ttaste much of the Chowder anyway.

See sidebar on the next page to find out how the Toboggan Timesrated the Chowder at the 2004 Nationals. Official results are below.

Official Results of the 2004 Chili andChowder Challenge

Chili#1 French and Brawn,

Camden#2 Midcoast Culinary

Solutions, Rockport#3 Come Spring Cafe,

Union

Chowder#1 Marriner’s, Main St.

Camden#2 Midcoast Culinary

Solutions, Rockport#3 Camden Deli,

Main St., Camden

Chili Patron David Heath of Camdenponders the wisdom of consuming 9different kinds of chili in one night.

TTTTTOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGAN T T T T TIMESIMESIMESIMESIMES · PAGE 5 · DECEMBER 2004

Times Invites Dave Barryto Nationals

Barry Responds, Sort ofOK, it was a long shot. Dave Barry has just written an article

about the sport of Petanque: a French bowling-type sport that nevertakes place very far from a bar. Mr. Barry expressed amazement thata person could get into the Petanque US Open by just paying the feeand playing the game.

Never to be outdone by the French, the Toboggan Times invitedMr. Barry to the Nationals:

Dear Mr. Barry,Thank you for your superb article about the game ofPetanque. I am writing to call your attention to anothersport where a common man can get in on “The Nationals”just by getting his entry fee in on time. This is the greatsport of tobogganing, and the National Championship isheld every year in Camden, Maine. Like Petanque, itrequires minimal exertion and to go it one better, there is norule that states you have to be alive to be in the competition!

As editor, publisher, writer and paperboy for the TobogganTimes, I am enclosing two issues, free of charge, for yourperusal. I can not offer you an official invitation from TheNationals because the official committee that puts the raceon hates me, but I can offer you a warm invitation from theToboggan Times to attend this years’ race on February 6th,7th and 8th. If you choose to show up, we will put you andyour entourage up for the weekend in a fancy house on ahill and also treat you to the annual Chili and ChowderChallenge. (No small offer from a thrifty Yankee, we mightpoint out).

Please let me know if you are interested and we will turn upthe thermostat in your rooms.

Sincerely...Judi Smith, “Assistant to Dave Barry” responded with a plain

white, 3 1/2” by 5 1/4” post card. The card was postmarked with apostage meter on Feb. 13, 2004. While Dave Barry’s return addresswas printed directly on the card, the recipient’s address was printedon a white sticky label attached to the front of the card. On the rearof the card was written this message in Judi Smith’s own hand inwhat appears to be a black ball point pen:

“Hi Tom-Obviously Dave didn’t get your letter in time. Sorry about

that; I hope it was fun.”And then with a flourish, it was signed “Judi Smith”.After the novelty of getting a hand written post card from the

assistant of a literary giant wore off, the staff at the Times began towonder. What did Ms. Smith mean when she started the note offwith “Obviously”? Is it obvious to her? Perhaps she delayed theletter - and if not, why would she apologize so quickly? Did she haveanything to do with the voting in Florida last November? Is shehaving pains of conscience that spill over into her work for Mr.Barry? Did Dave Barry even get the letter or was it thrown out to theFlorida alligators and not counted as just another contested ballot.What is her connection to Jeb Bush? To Disney World?

Finally, what does she hope was fun? The letter? Of course it wasfun and it would have been fun for Mr. Barry had he actuallyreceived it. In order to get Dave Barry to the Toboggan Nationals, TheTimes will have to devise a plan to get around Judi Smith. Stay tunedloyal readers, Stay tuned.

Toboggan Times Ratesthe 2004 Chowders

The Toboggan Times rated only the Chow-der at the 2004 Nationals because we couldnot get a reviewer to look over the chili forwhat we were offering so we proudly presentour take on the Chowder:

#1 Code Letter T: Marriners Restaurant on MainStreet In Camden. Sweet! Good size potatoes, nottoo creamy, not too thin, just fishy enough to knowyou’re on the coast eating the real thing. (Closed untilMarch ‘05, by the way, due to fire)

#2 Code Letter F: Camden Deli on Main Streetin Camden. Good and creamy, almost too creamy butwith a flavor that satisfies and relaxes.

#3 Code Letter U; Midcoast Culinary Solutions.Good. Not too bland, certainly not offensive. All inall, better than the rest

#4 Code Letter M; The Waterfront Restaurant,Bayview Street in Camden. Most different of all thechowders, some unidentified seasonings. Would bea favorite to some of the more adventurous.

#5 Code Letter B; McMahon’s Rockport Grill,Route 1, Rockport. This is really fish chowder andyou know it. So when you want fish chowder, thisis it. Fish chowder, that is. With real fish.

#6 Code Letter D; Brass Compass Cafe, MainStreet Rockland. This is a chowder with, surprise,corn and kielbasa! Hmm. This reviewer likes hiskielbasa with a side of corn on a plate and not in hischowder. You, the reader, might like it in your chow-der. I prefer it on a dry plate. But hey...

#7 Code Letter R; Megunticook Market. Cam-den. I like the Megunticook Market, they have greatsubs and pizza and a fabulous meat counter but I’mafraid I was attacked by the scallops in the chow-der. You think we could cut them in half? And thatwasn’t a piece of chicken in there was it? I love yourpizza.

#8 Code Letter N; Brown Bag Restaurant inRockland. Boring! Mediocre fare from... Oh sorry,did I doze off there? I mean the oversize scallopsand chicken were more exciting than this. I sup-pose on a grey day... nah.

#9 Code Letter K; Silver Lane Bistro. Of ques-tionable yellow colour, this chowder featuredshrimp. Shrimp! From the sea. I have certain pre-conceived notions about chowder and this doesn’tfit any of them. Since my wife, a very discerningrestauranteur, thought it delightful, I promised notto use the words chemical, poison or noxious. I meanI wouldn’t send it back, my wife would go for sec-onds. ❄ ❄

TTTTTOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGAN T T T T TIMESIMESIMESIMESIMES · PAGE 6 · DECEMBER 2004

A Toboggan Times Opinion

National SemifinalsResults “Lost”

Every year the Toboggan Times slogs up to the office at theSnow Bowl and reminds the staff there to save the results of theToboggan Nationals so that we may preserve and publish themin this newsletter. Every year the battle to get those resultsseems to grow larger. The staff is too busy or on vacation or theresults are not yet available or too lengthy to be copied at thattime. The results have never been available on disk, often theyare faxed to us and every year we have to re-enter all the resultsmanually.

Four years ago, the Times had to haul a copy machine over tothe Snow Bowl, take the only existing copy from the bulletinboard and copy it. Last year, numerous pleas by phone and e-mail for all the results plus the team hometowns were ignored.Finally, on the last day of March, the finals results were faxed tothe Times without the Semi-Final. Pursuing this, we were toldthat the semifinals results were lost. The Times checked with theofficial timers and followed the paper trail but it stopped at theSnow Bowl office.

Could it be that the Snow Bowl snubs us because we are thisirreverent little publication that keeps harping on their inad-equacies but just won’t die in spite of their best efforts? Could itbe that the Toboggan Committee (who considers us a persistentnuisance because we spend our time writing and once suggestedto us that instead we should be working for the committee)really wants us groveling at their feet for any scrap of informa-tion they may throw us?

Probably none of those scenarios tells the whole storyalthough they would make pretty good theatre. No, in reality,the blame really lies in a combination of a top heavy, underfunded bureaucracy at the Snow Bowl and a poor guy at theToboggan Times who just wants to put out an entertainingnewsletter but just isn’t paid enough to beat his head against awall every year. Republicans also must have something to dowith it.

Will the new management at the Snow Bowl continue thestonewalling or will they recognize the Toboggan Times as partof the media community? Let’s hope they continue stonewallingbecause what fun would it be being the stooge of the powersthat be? ❄

14th Annual Toboggan NationalsResults, February 7&8, 2004

2 Person Finals Results Bib 1st 2nd Combn.

Rank No. Team Town Run Run Time

1 57 Jack Daniels Express 8.35 8.76 17.112 35 White Heat 2 8.42 8.80 17.223 14 Rotor Heads 8.52 8.76 17.284 13 Better Than The Rotorheads 8.54 8.84 17.385 21 Two Hogs & Heifers 8.76 8.68 17.446 52 Two Big Kahoonas 8.56 8.89 17.457 71 Coye Dogs 8.73 8.77 17.508 80 Other Two Ash Pounders 8.77 8.74 17.519 74 Two’s Enough 8.77 8.76 17.5310 2 The Other 2 Throbbin Boggins 8.81 8.75 17.5611 39 In-Laws 8.70 8.87 17.5712 25 Oh Baby Oh Baby 8.80 8.79 17.5913 27 Tobogquinns 8.81 8.81 17.6214 58 2 Boyz Sleding 8.79 8.84 17.6315 5 lil Deuce Coupe 8.74 8.90 17.6415 79 Two Ash Pounders 8.80 8.84 17.6417 3 2 Throbbin’ Boggins 8.75 8.91 17.6618 6 Wholeness Counseling Hopeless Neuro8.71 8.97 17.6818 16 Smokin’ Ash 8.87 8.81 17.6818 41 Dead Weight Slabers 8.83 8.85 17.6821 34 Big Boned Boggans 8.86 8.88 17.7421 37 Frozen Rafters 8.88 8.86 17.7423 36 Rift Rafters 2 8.74 9.03 17.7723 60 Pains in the Ash 8.89 8.88 17.7725 75 Denmark 1 8.90 8.89 17.7926 12 Return of the Crash Test Dummies 8.88 8.93 17.8127 26 The Fastest Sled 8.92 8.94 17.8628 17 Half Ash 8.95 8.92 17.8729 23 The Two Homers 8.99 9.00 17.9929 53 Two Hairy Kahoonas 9.00 8.99 17.9931 42 Turkey Trollers 8.91 9.13 18.0432 81 The Bengtsson Brothers 9.06 9.14 18.2033 22 Two More Hogs & Heifers 8.81 dns34 30 Cruizen for a Bruizen 8.86 dns

35 59 Bodachos 8.74 dns

Thing 1, The Cat in the Hat and Thing 2 took the bestcostume award with their Team #140 The Cat is Back. Theteam, consisting of Kim Hess, Jay Hess and Sue Zdanowicz ofBrandford, Conn. seem to be working on a formula forwinning this event. Apparently they concentrate more onthe costume than on the toboggan. Last year they wonwith the Square-pants theme as The Krusty Krew and theyear before they showed up as potato heads. Do you wonderwhat these people do for a living? We do.

Saddam, George Bush and company celebrate at the awardceremony. In a totally unrelated item, the 4 person team WeGo Saddam Fast, tied for 15th place in the Finals.

TTTTTOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGAN T T T T TIMESIMESIMESIMESIMES · PAGE 7 · DECEMBER 2004

14th Annual Toboggan NationalsFebruary 7&8, 2004

3 Person Finals Results Bib 1st 2nd Combn.

Rank No. Team Town Run Run Time

14th Annual Toboggan NationalsFebruary 7&8, 2004

4 Person Finals ResultsBib 1st 2nd Combn.

Rank No. Team Town Run Run Time

1 207 Take No Prisoners 8.62 8.65 17.272 209 Schmucks 8.62 8.68 17.303 206 Hot Flash 8.66 8.68 17.343 278 Four Ash Pounders 8.66 8.68 17.345 184 Slab City Sliders 8.66 8.70 17.365 249 Lost Sailors 8.66 8.70 17.365 290 Seneca Roncador Raiders 8.68 8.68 17.368 208 The Bumps 8.68 8.71 17.399 266 The Rusty Sheriff’s Badge 8.71 8.69 17.4010 252 Snowsnakes 8.71 8.70 17.4111 223 Ovarian Ogres 8.70 8.72 17.4212 215 Four Hogs & Heifers 8.72 8.71 17.4312 246 The Iowa Hawkeye Travelin Squad 8.70 8.73 17.4312 267 Captains Copasetic 8.72 8.71 17.4315 230 Snow Bote 8.73 8.75 17.4815 287 What’s That Smell 8.71 8.77 17.4815 293 Captain Obvious & The Mouthe Breathers 8.77 8.71 17.4818 227 The Big Kahoonas 8.75 8.74 17.4919 210 Frozen Ash 8.76 8.74 17.5019 229 Rhode Rage 8.71 8.79 17.5021 254 Sadies Sliders 8.76 8.75 17.5122 216 Family of Hogs & Heifers 8.76 8.76 17.5222 226 Quarterdeck 8.78 8.74 17.5224 261 We Go Saddam Fast 8.75 8.78 17.5325 222 Epididamus 8.79 8.75 17.5425 256 The Flying Milano Brothers 8.78 8.76 17.5425 307 The Hurricanes 8.76 8.78 17.5425 313 Little Rascals 8.79 8.75 17.5429 178 Rift Rafters 4 8.78 8.77 17.5529 225 Irish Nachos 8.84 8.71 17.5531 224 Internal Bleeding 8.78 8.78 17.5631 279 Woodpeckers 8.77 8.79 17.5633 192 All A’Board 8.79 8.79 17.5833 195 Good to Go 8.75 8.83 17.5835 187 Zach Attack 8.77 8.82 17.5936 328 1000 Pounds 8.83 8.77 17.6037 274 The Refit Misfits 8.85 8.78 17.6338 217 Beggar’s Wharf Rats 8.79 8.85 17.6438 280 Hot Flashes 8.79 8.85 17.6440 176 Four Fine Bovine 8.84 8.81 17.6541 214 Little Hogs & Heifers 8.86 8.82 17.6842 188 Gas-X 8.85 8.84 17.6943 265 Greased Lightning 8.86 8.85 17.7144 244 T.C. Racing Team 8.80 8.93 17.7345 295 A Clean Slate 8.89 8.87 17.7646 190 The Throbbin Boggins 8.70 9.71 18.4147 232 Tzvecl Racing DNS48 286 The Groovy Girls DNS49 289 Seneca Swashbucklers DNS50 300 2 Boyz & 2 Galz Sleding DNS

Hometowns Withheld by Snow BowlEver since the Toboggan Times has published race results from the

Nationals, it has been our policy to record the hometown of eachteam next to the race results. We have not changed this policy. It isjust that the Camden Snow Bowl has changed the way they keep therecords and now they claim that the data is too difficult to break out.

Even though the Times asked repeatedly for the hometowns ofeach participating team, the Camden Snow Bowl was either unable orunwilling to provide them. The Times will continue to press for thisinformation because it’s always more amusing when you know fromwhere the teams with the worst times or the most absurd namescome. There is hope because the Snow Bowl is under new manage-ment. Surely we will see great cooperation in 2005. Surely. ❄

1 146 One Sleeve Optional 8.41 8.71 17.122 90 White Heat 3 8.60 8.66 17.263 139 Hi Tec Virginia Rednecks 8.60 8.71 17.314 120 Three Big Kahoonas 8.57 8.76 17.334 126 Jim BoBo 8.55 8.78 17.336 141 Three’s Company 8.65 8.69 17.347 147 Three Ash Pounders 8.67 8.72 17.398 102 3 Thobbin’ Boggins 8.70 8.7 17.409 125 10’ Woody 8.67 8.75 17.4210 138 5 Trappah’s 8.69 8.74 17.4311 108 3 Wicked Great Big Sneed Eaters 8.69 8.82 17.5112 91 Rift Rafters 3 8.77 8.76 17.5313 101 Team Loose Moose 8.55 8.99 17.5413 160 Absolute Zeros 8.76 8.78 17.5415 128 One More Pain in the Ash 8.70 8.86 17.5615 163 Warriors On Ice 8.74 8.82 17.5617 119 The Mustangs 8.71 8.86 17.5718 95 Slabra Cadabra 8.82 8.76 17.5818 100 Gravity’s Revenge 8.77 8.81 17.5820 143 Woolly Willow Canoe Company 8.77 8.83 17.6020 162 Fat Bloated Idiots 8.74 8.86 17.6022 150 Pika Pika Pikachu 8.78 8.85 17.6323 97 Boomerangs 8.81 8.83 17.6423 140 The Cat is Back 8.79 8.85 17.6425 165 We’s Wicked Fast 8.77 8.89 17.6626 87 The Atherquinns 8.89 8.82 17.7127 164 Mary Sandwich 8.86 8.91 17.7728 137 Virginia Ice - Men 8.85 8.98 17.8329 110 S.P.L.A.T. 8.86 9.01 17.8730 96 Death by Tobogganing DNS31 103 Haulin Ash DNS32 112 Three Hogs & Heifers 8.6633 153 French & Brawn Bag Boys DNS

Tobogganists don’t always come clean when asked who theyare. This team identified themselves as Wicked Sticky Buns andperhaps that is true. We suspect it was really Wendy Caisse andher crew from Isabella’s Cafe & Bakery out of Freeport, Mainegoing by the name of Isabella’s Madd Bakers. Then again FrozenAsh, Butts Canoe Club or Kiss My Ash are three otherregistered teams that come to mind. So is A Bunch of Yahoos.Whomever they might be, they didn’t even place in the costumecontest although they caught the ever discriminating, artfuleye of the Toboggan Times.

TTTTTOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGANOBOGGAN T T T T TIMESIMESIMESIMESIMES · PAGE 8 · DECEMBER 2004

The Toboggan Times welcomes any correspondence, especially ifit concerns Toboggans, even as an obtuse reference. Send yourletters to The Toboggan Times, 246 Main Street, Lincolnville,Maine 04849. Correspondents should be prepared to have theircomments ridiculed, edited and twisted. E-mail tosadowski@tidewater.net will typically go unanswered for months.

In The Next Issue ofTTTTToboggan Toboggan Toboggan Toboggan Toboggan Timesimesimesimesimes

More Advertising!❄

To the Editor:I was looking for some excitement

when my friends said “come with ustoboggoning this weekend at the SnowBowl up in Camden” I thought “just abunch of guys going toboggoning” soundsgreat. Little did I know what excitement wasto come. Nominating me captain of Sadies Sliders and neverdone this before -and cameras are rolling -and people scream-ing... wow, awesome. Turning 60 this year and never thought Iwould experience such a happening. Throat cancer, back surgery5 months prior. Life is good. I’ll be back with my own toboggonnext year.

Bob DustinParsonsfield, Maine

Dear Captain,Some friends. They might be trying to kill you! Give it some

thought. It all fits. I mean it’s obvious with that check for $10 yousent us that your mind is going. What is it you have that theywant? You must be tough, most people have back surgery aftertobogganing. Happy birthday and welcome to the sport. Toboggon isnow spelled Toboggan, by the way.

Editor

To the editor (via e-mail): First time Excellent time and adventure One of the best

weekends of my life. Thanks for your Toboggan Times.Bob DustinParsonfield, Maine

OK Bob,You already sent us a regular letter. Really liked the Nationals

did you? Better check to make sure those runs down the chute didn’tknock anything loose if you catch my drift. I think you’ll be allright though, your spelling is better but I’d still keep an eye on my“friends”.

Editor

To the editor:We were at the 13th annual toboggan races this year. Thank

you for your copy of the Toboggan Times. It featured a picture ofthe Potato Heads (My daughter and her husband.)

If you decide to publish a paper this year, we would like toreceive one. Thank you.

Susanne ZdanowiczBranford, CT

Hey, a letter is a letter. Anyway they did like the newsletter andthey sent us $2.00. Here’s to you Zdanowicz!

Editor

Letters andComments

Clarence Butler and Donald Borgerson, both 81, leave theSnow Bowl lodge with their trophy for the oldest team toparticipate in the 14th Nationals , which they call NoName. After receiving the trophy, one of them announcedthat it was time for a nap as they headed straight for thedoor forsaking the rest of the festivities. The two areactually high school class mates from Rockland HighSchool, class of 1941. Imagine that.

Open Late Friday Night!

“Petra and Mike” part of Team Wurst entertain crowds onthe ice of Hosmer Pond in an impromptu half time show.Petra sang, Mike played the ukulele and some Yahoo in thebackground joined them on the broom. It was interesting.There were no wardrobe malfunctions. Petra and Mike arefrom New York.

Just who are the Four Flying Florida Flamingos and is therereally a Florida Association of Racing Tobogganists? Will they beback in ‘05 to “Kick Ash” as promised? Are they just plain nuts?Are they Republicans? If they come back, we’ll find out.