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Top 20 quotes from Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

Rodney Dangerfield

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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Rodney Dangerfield

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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me he said I was being ridiculous everyone hasn’t met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn’t, so he nailed down my other foot!

Rodney Dangerfield

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