top thirteen television judges barack obama should name to the supreme court
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Rather than parsing Barack Obama's history as a legal scholar, it may be instructive to go back to the one tactical move that didn't pan out in his first hundred days: Naming sexpot hair-daddy Dr. Sanjay Gupta from CNN as his Surgeon General. Clearly Obama wants more than great minds and experience in high office. He wants people that have been on television. While the pundits throw out their ideas, here is our look at the top thirteen celebrity and television judges that President Obama may be considering for the Supreme Court Vacancy.TRANSCRIPT
Top Thirteen Television Judges
Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court
brought to you by PinkoMag.com
Judge Judy Sheindlin
We thought she was a conservative,
but Judge Judy is totally going down on
Florence Henderson in that photo.
She’s tough, tested and would add some
serious sass to the bench.
Former Mayor Ed Koch
He’s gay! He’s 90! He’s adorable!
And Koch had a stint hosting
People’s Court in the mid 90’s.
Judge Lance Ito
Pros: Diversity on the court; awesome beard.
Cons: Uhm ...
Paula Abdul
Drunk. Drugged. Emotional. Irascible.
Inappropriate.
She’s Antonin Scalia.
Judge Greg Mathis
Longtime host of DIvorce Court, Greg Mathis
has a huge fucking gavel. Look at that thing.
He’ll bash some “intelligent design” lawyer
right in the goddamned mouth.
The Honorable Liz Donnelly, S.V.U.
She’s so fierce.
Magistrate Samuel Sewall
He was the judge in the Salem Witch
Trials. Someone played him in that movie we
watched in 9th grade with the slutty moaning
salem teen witch girls but I can’t figure out
from IMDB who the actor is.
Nancy Grace
Heroine to tot moms and teen girls with too
many vowels in their names everywhere,
Grace was a Fulton County prosecutor for
almost a decade. She was also repeatedly
fined for prosecutorial misconduct, nearly
disbarred and accused of “illegal conduct.”
A darling to conservatives, naming Grace
to the Supreme Court would be the judicial
equivalent of having Rick Warren read the
invocation at his inauguration.
Judge Harry Stone
Did anyone else watch Night Court? I loved
that show. Stone was fair; he was principled;
and most important he was zany. A prank or
two would totally lift Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s
spirits.
Judge Marilyn Milian
The sexxxxxiest judge on television, People’s
Court Host Honorable Marilyn Milian doesn’t
take shit from anyone - defendants or her
cousin Christina. Unfortunately for President
Obama she has actually waterboarded sev-
en people, including Sean Hannity, Pollster
Mark Penn and author Mitch Albom.
Richard Zavaglia
Well now I’m really reaching, but Zavaglia
played Judge Tamerlane in my FAVORITE
LIFETIME WOMAN SCORNED MOVIE OF
ALL TIME OMFG, “A Woman Scorned: The
Betty Broderick Story,” followed by a cameo
in Part 2: “Her Final Fury: Betty Broderick,
The Last Chapter,” starring Meredith Baxter
Birney of Television’s Family Ties. He’s lit-
erally doing dinner theater in South Florida
now. If Barack Obama wants a judge who will
consider the impact of the law on people’s
daily lives, I think Dick Zavaglia is it. (P.S.
The actual Betty Broderick is up for parole in
2010! She is so guest blogging.)
Judge Joseph Wapner
A classic. The safe pick, ethnic slur in his last
name nothwithstanding, Wapner has written
two books for citizens about navigating small
claims court.
Miss J.
You heard me. What - Nigel? Twiggy? Not
U.S. Citizens. (Not that that’s stopping
Obama from considering Michigan Governor
Jennifer Granholm. Or from being President,
for that matter.) Miss J. is already dressed for
the part, sporting big ties and the occasional
robe. And we know from America’s Next Top
Model that justice would be handed down
with flair, humor and a refreshing bluntness.