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Trainer Notes – Body Language Training

Introduction

Welcome participants and introduce yourself.

Effective communication skills are critical in the development of relationships between people and although verbal communication plays a large part in this, studies have shown that a proportionate amount of our message comes from not what we say, but very often the non-verbal communication behind the message. Therefore, it is clear that body language is an important, influential aspect of communication and understanding how it works is essential in the development of your personal communication skills.

This training session sets out to develop your skills in understanding your own body language as well as being able to read the body language of others. After all, if we can learn to identify and appreciate non-verbal clues, we can begin to improve our communication as a whole. This could impact situations such as; sales visits, interviews, presentations and normal day to day interactions.

Show slide – Objectives

Talk participants through objectives and ask if they have any questions.

Learning Log & Action Plan

Refer participants to the learning log and action plan in their workbook. Advise them that throughout the session they should put down any actions that they are going to take as well as the key learning points. You will also prompt them at key points to add items to their action plans (you will do this prior to every break in the programme).

Icebreaker – 15 minutes

Advise participants that you are going to start the session with a short icebreaker entitled, ‘Status’. It is important that you are clear in providing the instructions and it is also useful if you pre-prepare a set of playing cards once you know how many participants you have in the training session. Remember, some participants might feel uncomfortable with this type of activity so early on in a training session, so try and put them at ease.

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Set Up:

Take a set of ordinary playing cards and distribute one playing card to each of the participants - one per person. Each participant should place their card on their forehead, visible to others but not to themselves.

Process:

Instruct the participants that they are now at a party. They are to mingle for five minutes, treating everyone according to the status of their card. People holding the highest cards are the highest-status individuals; people holding the lowest cards are the lowest-status individuals.

After five minutes, stop the game.

Without yet looking at their cards, people should now line up according to their perceived status, from highest on the left to lowest on the right.

Debrief Questions:

What happened during the game? During your party conversations, how did you go about imparting status to

others? What were the cues, both verbal and physical, that clued you in about

your own status? Which clues were more important, verbal or physical? How successful were you in guessing your status? Did your physical attributes change at any time during the process? What were the key learning points around the use of body language in

communication?

The Point:

Our body reflects the way we feel about ourselves and others and often it will alter depending on how we feel in any given situation. Our body language messages are the signals and gestures that we make that provide clues to our emotions and feelings.

During the game you may have noted changes in your own body language as you started to realise your status, or indeed spotted changes in others when they gained clues. When we talk about understanding body language, it is these alterations in signals and gestures that we are trying to understand.

Review this icebreaker with a discussion about the different opinions on the importance of body language and how its importance is perceived by the participants. You will probably find that people have strong opinions about body


language and it is useful if you can draw out these opinions and feelings and where necessary keep a flipchart of these thoughts for review throughout the session.

Core Principles and the Five C’s

Our mind is forever sending subconscious messages that control our bodies. For instance; how many of you are consciously breathing right now? Breathing is one of the things that our body does without us thinking too much about it. Of course, like breathing, there are certain actions our mind controls without us having to place too much thought into the process.

The result of these subconscious processes is that most of the body language we display to others is done without us thinking about it and in turn we also interpret most body language unconsciously. We are constantly interpreting gestures and nuances in others without really considering them in depth.

This body language principle works very well for us on the whole and we all function perfectly well on a day to day basis. However, problems tend to arise when one, some or all of the following things occur:

Show slide – Body Language problems

Talk participants through slide using the following notes as guidance…

Their Signal Interpretation - We give off signals which someone interprets, either correctly or incorrectly, in a negative way that causes them to feel closed out, which in turn can cause them to react negatively

Our Signal Interpretation - We interpret someone else’s body language as negative and therefore react negatively

Awareness and Imbalance - We don’t know how to redirect and re-establish a positive equilibrium to the situation once it arises

Attitude - We refuse to act on what we know about redirecting a potentially negative situation for a better outcome.

How we address these problems is largely down to our mental attitude and of course whether the relationship is important to us. If we do feel that the relationship is important to us and we need to be able to effectively communicate with the person in order to progress, then we must focus on our own actions to resolve the situation. After all, we are only in control of our own actions and not those of the other person.


Another element not to be ignored is that of ‘Cause and Effect’, which simply means that we can influence our own emotions and feelings by altering our body language. For instance; if we want to take in more information in lectures or training, it might be useful to un-cross your arms and lean forward, which would have the effect of making you more receptive to the message and thus learn more. The idea is that by altering your body position you are sending a message to the brain as to how it should respond.

Putting these issues aside, it can also be valuable to understand body language principles in order to improve communication with others. If we are to accurately decode other peoples body language signals, we need to interrupt the automatic judgements we might make and analyse what we see to uncover the true meaning of gestures and signals.

There are five key elements that we are looking out for when we try and read body language (aside from the gestures themselves) and we call this the Five C’s. We must ensure that we take the following into account: Context, Clusters, Congruence, Consistency and Culture.

Show slide – Five C’s

Talk participants through the slide using the following notes as guidance…

Context – if someone’s arms are crossed in front of them during your conversation is that due to their feeling defensive or do they just feel cold? We must consider the context in which the person is demonstrating a gesture.

Clusters – is the person displaying more than one type of body language that suggests the same thing? In other words, arms crossed, legs crossed and head down together with lack of eye contact could indicate defensiveness, or some other relatively negative mindset, such as annoyance, anger or lack of confidence. Even so, we would need to take the context into consideration to be sure. (Only one of the signals alone would not be such a clear indication of a negative mental attitude; however, it would still bear investigation.)

Congruence – do the person’s facial expressions, body movements and positioning reflect their words? You might, for example, hear someone say, ‘yes’, but everything about their body language is screaming, ‘no’.

Consistency – How does the person act under ‘normal’ circumstances? If we can understand the person’s baseline (how they act when not under stress) then we are able to determine if their body language is being inconsistent with that standard. Of course, it is harder to spot consistency in people we have only just met as we cannot be sure of their ‘normal’ behaviour. One way to overcome this is to steadily observe the person when they are at their most relaxed i.e. you


could ask them some questions about something that comes easy to them and observe how they react. Of course, if you have people that work in your office consistently, you can build a good understanding of their ‘baseline’ through careful observation.

Culture – People from different backgrounds may portray different body language because of their culture. This is true in the example of Bulgaria, who unlike most other countries will shake their head yes and nod their head for no. These differences aren’t only restricted to countries as you may find for example that people who work in an office demonstrate more hunched body language as they spend a lot of time leaning over a pc whereas a soldier is likely to stand up straight with a rigid back. Of course, these are generalisations, but these things must also be considered.

Activity – 20 minutes

Split the participants into five groups (or double up the task if you do not have enough participants). Allocate one of the ‘Five C’ elements to each of the groups.

Ask participants to consider the Five C element they have been given. They should discuss in their groups what the element means to them and consider examples where it might have been demonstrated. They should flipchart their responses, ready to present their findings to the whole group.

In review, ask participants to present back their ideas and discuss these in depth with the whole group. Ensure the participants understand the Five C’s fully, and then move on.

Keep in mind the Five C’s - context, clusters, congruence, consistency, and culture as you go through the rest of this training. There is no doubt that people use nonverbal communication to reveal their state of mind. But reading body language isn’t just about learning nonverbal signals; it is also about understanding how to get to the real meaning behind those signals.

Reading Body Language – Gestures

Once we are aware of the Five C’s and the need to ensure we consider all aspects before jumping to conclusions regarding the meaning of body language gestures, we can begin to focus on the actual gestures themselves.

Body language researchers have succeeded in identifying a large number of feelings and their corresponding postures. Anyone with enough information can effectively read people’s feelings through their body language and learning how


to interpret body language is not necessarily a hard task; you just need to know the familiar postures in body language and their associated emotional states then link them together taking into consideration what you have learnt regarding the five C’s.


This activity can be added in as a bit of fun, but also to demonstrate that we can read a lot into somebody’s emotional state by the body language they portray. Ask for two volunteer participants. Once you have decided who these two people are, ask them to move to opposite ends of the room and face in different directions, so they cannot see each other.

Now, ask one of the individuals to think of a time when they did something that evokes very strong emotions for them. They should bring this memory to mind and assume the physical position that they were in at the time of this strong event memory (one example we had was somebody that had gone sailing on a yacht and were proposed to by their husband, they assumed the position of looking out to see, leaning on a railing with their legs and arms locked strongly to maintain balance against the tide. Their face was squinting slightly as they looked into the wind and had the sea water splashing against their face, which was smiling from ear to ear.)

Once the person has adopted the position evoked by their memory and the body language is true to their feelings, ask the other participants to move back and forwards across the room and slowly place the other person into the same position as the person having the memory, this should include both body gestures and facial gestures. Of course, they can move the person into position by asking them, they don’t have to physically move them.

When the participants are happy that both people are in the same position with the same gestures, ask the second person if they can identify what is happening to the person who is having the memory. You will be surprised at how accurate the identification will be.

In review, ask participants why they think this happened and what does this tell us about body language and gestures.

Body language is not only used in understanding the emotional states of others but it can also help you ensure that you portray the correct gestures for the message you want to portray. For example by using proper body language you can help yourself to appear confident even if you are anxious or afraid.

So, whilst considering the body language of others, think how you personally might portray these gestures and adapt them where necessary.


Let’s start by considering some gestures and assessing your ability to read into the body language being displayed. We will focus on the following gestures…

Show slide – Gestures

Briefly talk participants through slide and explain that these are the areas you will be reviewing starting with, ‘Arm Barriers’.

Humans have always used hiding behind something as a defence mechanism, which makes perfect sense when you have something large being thrown at you or a large animal chasing you. As we have evolved, it has become less necessary to hide from raging animals, but our body still uses ‘barriers’ as a protection mechanism.

As a child, you may have found yourself hiding behind a table leg when being reprimanded by an adult and perhaps even using your hands to cover your eyes and face. Then, as a teenager you may have progressed to tightly folding your arms and turning your body slightly when being told off.

Once you reach adulthood, these barrier signals are still in place if perhaps slightly less obvious. So, that gesture of security and protection has never really gone away.

Arm Barriers

Let’s see how well you can interpret the gesture of arm barriers…

Show slide – Arm Barriers

Note: Initially show the slide with just the images on, then, once participants have completed the activity and you are ready to talk participants through the notes, reveal the text for each slide by clicking the mouse.


Ask participants to turn to their workbooks on the page, ‘Arm Barriers’. Their task is to write down what they read into the body language being displayed in the pictures. There is space for them to write down their thoughts next to each picture. Once they have done this, they should discuss their ideas with the person next to them (or group if you prefer) and add to their own notes where necessary.


Review the activity by discussing the decisions the participants made on each of the images in turn whilst revealing the notes on the slides (use the notes below as guidance) and having a general discussion with the group regarding their thoughts. How close were they to the true meaning and what can they learn from this?

Click slide – Crossed Arms

The crossed arm gesture is demonstrated by the arms being neatly folded across the chest to protect the heart, lungs and other vital organs. The gesture is said to stem from our desire to protect ourselves from attack.

This gesture usually occurs when someone feels nervous or negative towards something or someone. It might also denote a defensive attitude where the person feels threatened or under pressure. You might see it in situations where people are having a heated discussion or where there are a lot of strangers in one place.

Research suggests that when we cross our arms our receptiveness to another person’s message is reduced by up to 40%. It also often means that our response to individuals will be negative.

Allow any questions and then move on…

Click slide – Self-Reassurance Cross

The Self-Reassurance crossed arm gesture is demonstrated by crossing arms and holding on to biceps or elbows. This is often done with quite a strong grip.

This posture is a further attempt to cover the body and demonstrates a need to ensure that the normal crossed arm position cannot be broken. It displays an insecure, negative, restrained or fearful attitude.


Click slide – Self Hand Hold

The Self Hand Hold gesture is demonstrated by a crossed hand gesture with one hand inside or across the other ‘protecting’ the genitals. It denotes a sense of insecurity and/or lack of self-confidence.

There are two trains of thought on this posture and it could mean either that the person feels more secure when they cover their genitals or it could be that we derive security from the feeling of having our hand held as when we were


children. Either way, this gesture shows a need to feel secure and is commonly seen at funerals or as someone waits to give a presentation or receive an award.


Click slide – One Arm Cross

The One Arm Cross is demonstrated by one arm coming across the body and touching or holding the opposite arm.

This gesture is commonly used in situations where it is not possible or would be too obvious to perform a full crossed arm stance as it would easily give away our feelings of fearfulness. This position still forms a barrier but is not quite as dramatic as the full arm cross. The one arm cross is a variation of the self-hand hold.


Click slide – Thumbs-Up Arm Cross

The Thumbs-Up Arm Cross is demonstrated by taking the crossed arm stance and then turning the thumbs vertically up.

This gesture might occur in a situation where an individual has reason to feel superior and self-confident (as denoted by the thumbs-up signal), but also has reason to defend themselves. For instance; it might occur when someone is in the presence of superiors, but also feels confident in their standing.


Show slide – Subtle Arm Crosses

In these modern times people are under scrutiny much more than ever before and consequently we have developed methods to avoid the more obvious arm barrier gestures. These subtler approaches might mean someone adjusting their watch or cufflink, holding a handbag as a barrier in front of them, fiddling with a mobile phone and many other examples.

Although these gestures feel to the person portraying them to be more subtle, the careful observer can see them for what they really are and will be able to identify the nervousness and insecurity being displayed.

You might notice a folded or crossed arm gesture in people when you are trying to communicate with them and it would be reasonable to assume that you might


have said something that they disagree with, your challenge is to get them out of this stance in order to encourage them into a more agreeable posture.

ASK: What could you do to try and move someone from a crossed arm position into a more open posture?

Flipchart results:

Possible responses:

Ask them if they have any questions Hand them something to look at Ask for an honest opinion Ask your own relevant question/s

It is useful to consider methods of moving people from the crossed arm position as whilst in this position you will find it a lot more difficult to get your message across or to gain agreement.

With the crossed arm gesture, you might also spot that the person has clenched fists, which demonstrates anger and hostility in the person and could well mean that they are going to fly into a rage or become otherwise aggressive. If combined with a red face or clenched teeth or perhaps verbal aggression you might need to be careful to avoid a physical attack.

It is worth noting that the crossed arm gesture is the most commonly known and understood body language gesture and this can make it a dangerous signal to interpret. Therefore, it is really important that you consider the Five C’s carefully and ensure there are no other factors contributing to the ‘closed’ body language being portrayed.


Note: You may well be asked to comment on crossed legged gestures, which is something that is not covered in this training. The reason for this is that the meaning of crossed arm and leg gestures is actually very similar. However, crossed arms are a lot more likely to demonstrate a negative attitude than are legs. This is confounded by the fact that women are often taught that sitting in a crossed leg position is more ‘ladylike’ and so the message can be conflicting (although unfortunately they could still come across as defensive).

Therefore, if participants question this element you should reference the points above but add that more caution should be taken where crossed legged gestures are concerned because often the evidence can be contradictory. Here, they should pay careful consideration to the Five C’s and take into account what other gestures are being displayed.

Palm and Handshake Gestures

Action

Without making comment about this section, stand at the front of the room with your relaxed arms stretched outwards at the sides of you and your palms facing the participants.

ASK: What do you think my body language is trying to convey now?

Flipchart results using heading, ‘Open Palms’:

Possible responses:

Willing to listen Open to you Being honest

Next, hang one arm down by your side and with the other arm outstretched in front of you turn your palm over, so that it is facing the floor.

ASK 2: What do you think my body language is trying to convey now?

Flipchart results using heading, ‘Palm Down’:

Possible responses:

‘Stand back’ I’m in control Authority Superior ‘Listen to me’ ‘Just wait’ ‘Calm down’

Finally, keep your hand in the same position as the last, but close your palm and point your finger at the participants.

ASK 3: What do you think my body language is trying to convey now?


Flipchart results using heading, ‘Point’:

Possible responses:

Anger Aggression Authority Get message across Annoyance Frustration ‘You’re Fired!’

What I have just demonstrated here is that the palm can provide us with very strong visual signals regarding our emotions.

Show slide – Palm Gestures

Talk participants through the slide using the following for guidance…

The open palm gesture has long been associated with trustworthiness and is possibly the ultimate open gesture. Said to stem from the fact that we would want to demonstrate that we had no weapons and could be trusted, the open palm gesture is also used in many other scenarios where honesty is important. For example; in court you place your open palm on a bible and raise your other open palm up whilst you swear to tell the truth. You will no doubt have seen someone lift up their open palms when they want to prove their honesty to you. The open palm is also used as a submissive gesture where people show there subservience. It is a useful gesture where you want people to not feel threatened by your requests.

Alternatively, we have the palm down gesture, which denotes a superiority or dominance of others. When you turn your palm down to someone you are immediately demonstrating your authority and desire to take control. Depending on the relationship you have with the person you make this gesture to you might find that they resent the message that this gesture is making. A common example of this gesture in effect is when a couple are holding hands. The natural position when holding hands is for the hands to be parallel, but where one person places their hand on top of the others, they are showing signs of dominance and a need to control.

The finger point or thrust is a show of authority and is used to intimidate others. It is often seen where people try and emphasise a point or are feeling strongly about their opinion. It can be considered quite a rude gesture and often is used by people who are feeling aggressive or want to pick a fight. You should avoid


using this gesture as there are very few scenarios where its use would be seen as anything but negative.

Note: It can also be fun here to ask the participants if your face changed with any of the actions you carried out (although you don’t mean to do it on purpose, this can naturally happen as a result of the body language…cause and effect)

These different palms gestures are also displayed during handshakes and the position taken up when shaking someone’s hand will tell you a lot about the attitude of the individuals involved.


Ask participants to turn and shake the hand of the person next to them. Once they have done this, they should privately write down their opinion of what message the handshake of the other person might be sending.

You will not discuss the handshakes with the participants at this stage, but instead ask them to consider their opinions once you have reviewed the meaning behind different handshakes.

Once you have covered the meanings, the participants can do a short review session with the person they shook hands with and provide feedback on how they might improve it.

When we shake hands with someone for the first time, there are three basic attitudes being communicated through the handshake. These are…

Show slide – Handshakes

Talk participants through the slide using the notes below. It can also be useful to ask two people to come up to the front of the room and demonstrate the handshake positions as you are talking through them.

Equality - Where both hands are more or less vertical it shows a feeling of equality in that both people feel comfortable in each other’s company. This provides a feeling that both people will get on.

Dominance – This is portrayed by someone extending their hand with the palm facing downwards and is a sign of someone that wants to be in control. It may be the handshake of a manager to a subordinate or someone that wants to make it clear that they are in charge.


Submission – This is the opposite of the dominance position and demonstrates a willingness to submit control to the other person or a need to show that there is no threat.

As with all body language, we tend to subconsciously perform these different styles of handshake. However, where we are aware of the position we want to take up, it can be useful to understand the meaning behind each approach. Generally it is recommended that you take the ‘equality’ approach to shaking hands as this is the most likely to ingratiate yourself with others. However, sometimes it might be necessary to express your dominance and that you are the one in control. It also might be necessary to demonstrate that you are happy to remain submissive in certain circumstances, perhaps when meeting with a new boss for example. A study on senior managers noted that the majority of them not only initiated the handshake, but also took the dominant approach.

Just as there are times when you want to influence a situation, there will be times when others try to influence you. There are actions you can take that counteract different types of handshakes and we will focus on the most common occurrence, which is somebody using the palm down dominant handshake on you.

When you receive a dominant handshake from another person, it is not only difficult to force their palm back over into the submissive position, but it becomes very obvious when you do it as the other person will attempt to counteract your force and this results in a bone crushing handshake.

In this scenario and where you want to demonstrate equality, it is useful to learn the following technique to help move the other person to a position of equality or even of your own dominance.

Ask for two participants to come to the front of the room to demonstrate the process for overcoming a dominant handshake. Allocate one participant as the dominant handshake and the other as the one trying to overcome it. Ask participants to move into the following positions as you talk through the steps.

1. Step forward with your left foot as you reach to shake hands.

2. Next, bring your right leg forward, moving left in front of the person and into his personal space.

3. Now bring your left leg across to your right leg to complete the manoeuvre, and then shake the person’s hand.

4. This tactic allows you to straighten the handshake position or to turn the other person’s hand into the submissive position. It also allows you to take control by invading the other person’s intimate zone.


Although the three basic attitudes being displayed during a handshake are those of dominance, submission or equality, I’m sure you will have noted several other actions that go on during a handshake. Some of the more common ones are…

Show slide – Different handshakes

Pictured here are six of the more common actions that can occur during handshakes.


Placed participants into small groups and allocate one or two (depending on size of group) of the common handshakes from the slide to each group.

Ask each group to discuss the handshake type/s that they have been allocated and write on flipchart paper their ideas for what the handshake might be communicating. For interest, they could also note any examples of where the handshake may have been used on them and how it made them feel.

In review, discuss each of the handshakes with the relevant group and then discuss the ideas using the following notes as guidance…

Hand Hug – The hand hug gesture is demonstrated by the second hand joining the handshake and enveloping the other person’s hand so that their hand is enclosed between both hands. This gesture is seen as a warm and friendly approach showing that the person doing it is trustworthy and honest. However, when done to the wrong person it can come across as insincere and even controlling. Other gestures that are similar to this are holding the other person’s forearm, bicep or shoulder with the left hand while shaking with the right.

Bone Crusher – This is the handshake that leaves you in no doubt that your hand has been shaken! It is usually carried out by people who believe that a strong handshake means crushing the other person into submission. People that perform this type of handshake usually feel that it shows confidence and perhaps even power. However, the truth is more likely that these people are concerned that they will show weakness or fear if they don’t shake hands like this.

Pull In – This handshake is performed by pulling the other person closer until they are inside the pullers personal space. It is carried out as a bit of a power play and can mean that the person feels more confident with you in their personal zone where they feel more comfortable being insincere, or that they want to get you off balance. Either way, this is usually a sign of manipulation although in some cultures where personal zones are much smaller this might be perfectly normal behaviour.


Push Away – This is the opposite of the ‘pull in’ and is performed by the person extending their arm in as straight a position as possible and forcing you away from them. It is quite literally telling you to ‘stay back’ and is a sign that the person feels threatened. It could also denote a difference in what is considered ‘personal space’ might mean that someone simply doesn’t feel comfortable with people getting too close.

Wet Fish – This is a handshake you might well have experienced; it is common with people that are nervous or uncomfortable in the situation they are in. The handshake feels cold and clammy and is weak in grip. This weakness in handshake can come across as a weakness in personality. Unfortunately, it is likely that people who have this type of handshake do not realise it. A good friend would let them know!

Fingertips – This is a dainty little handshake as you might imagine the Queen giving and is displayed by the person stretching out and proffering only the fingertips of their hand usually with the hand bent in the middle. This may well be a sign that the person has a feeling of superiority or that they are well mannered. It is more typical in male-female handshakes with the female offering the fingertips.

As you can see the simple handshake is a metaphorical minefield for body language errors. Because it is usually the initial opportunity you have to set a positive communication message, it is recommended that you learn to perfect your own handshake and carefully consider the message you are trying to get across each time you shake a person’s hand.


End this part of the session by giving participants an opportunity to provide feedback to the person they shook hands with earlier on. Review by asking if there is any important lessons learnt here and discuss any points of value.

This is also a good stage to ask participants to write down key points in their action plan and/or learning logs.

Hand and Thumb Gestures

Our hands are one of the main parts of our body that are used to help us get across a message. After all, I’m sure you have heard of the saying, ‘talking with your hands’. Because we are so used to communicating in this way, the hands can be a very revealing part of the body when we try and read body language.


Some of the more typical gestures that we make with our hands are…

Show slide – Hand & Thumb Gestures

Once participants have seen the slide you can play the next part of this session out as a bit of a game by asking for volunteers to demonstrate one of the five gestures and then state what they think it means. Use the following notes as guidance…

Rubbing Hands – This gesture is as it sounds, the person will rub their hands together palm to palm as if warming their hands up (of course you might need to beware that this isn’t indeed what they are doing). The action of rubbing hands together is a sign of positive expectation, where the person is thinking of something good that is going to happen to them (whether through hope or reality). You may have seen the gesture carried out by a used car salesman who hopes that he is going to win the sale. You should beware of how quickly the person rubs their hands together though; it is noted that if a person rubs their hands together quickly then they will expect a positive outcome for all, but where they rub their hands more slowly it denotes a sign of deviousness and the feeling is likely to be that the advantage will be theirs not yours.

Action

This works as a useful demonstration and will help explain the ‘rubbing hands’ gesture to the participants.

Ask the participants to try rubbing their hands together first very slowly – what feelings does it invoke in them? You may note that their eyes narrow and they look upwards, which could well demonstrate a crafty thought.

Now ask them to rub their hands very quickly – what feelings does it invoke in them? You may note a smile raised on their face and a feeling of positivity.

Clenched Hands - This is a subtle gesture that is usually used to try to portray confidence or respect when it fact it really demonstrates frustration, restraint, anxiety or negative thoughts. The gesture of clenched hands is revealed in different ways, it could be that the hands are clenched in front of the face while sitting and resting the elbows on a table, or perhaps resting clenched hands on the table or the persons lap, another approach is to clench the hands in front of the stomach or crotch while standing up. The height in which the hands are held demonstrates the level of frustration, where clenched hands in front of the face would mean more frustration than clenched hands on the lap.

Steeple Hands – This is a confident gesture demonstrated by joining the fingertips of each hand together to create a ‘steeple’ effect. It is a gesture often used by managers to their subordinates and conveys a message of superiority


and utmost confidence. Unlike every other gesture we have talked about so far, this movement can be read in isolation and is not usually seen as part of a cluster of other gestures.

Grip Hand at Back – This gesture of holding both hands behind the back whilst one hand sits in the other is the exact opposite of the arms crossed in front of the body gesture that we talked about earlier. This posture is exposing the vulnerable parts of the body and is therefore usually displayed by very confident people who are likely in a position of authority (it is a common position taken up by royalty and sergeant majors).

However, when a person grips their wrist or arm behind their back it shows that the person is becoming ill at ease and is mentally trying to stop themselves from ‘striking out’. This means that the further up the arm they try to grip, the angrier they are. If you find yourself entering this position, try moving your hand into the palm of the other hand and you should become more relaxed.

Thumbs Up/Out – The thumbs are a sign of superiority and are typically used to show dominance, be assertive or even demonstrate aggression. Most people know of the ‘thumbs up’ sign, which tells others that you are happy and feeling confident. You may also have noted people who put hands in pockets and leave their thumbs hanging out, which shows that the person is ‘cool’, sure of himself and feels superior. The individual might even put his hands in his back pockets and leave his thumbs out to try and hide his feeling of dominance, particularly if he is trying to impress someone.

Then there are the people who gesticulate to others using their thumbs, where they might be making a joke at another’s expense (throwing a waggling thumb over their shoulder and rolling the eyes) or asking if they want to leave with them (throwing the thumb out towards the door).

Ensure participants are happy that they understand the hand and thumb gestures that you have just talked them through. Discuss any interesting points made by the participants and then move on…

Hand to Face Gestures…or…How to Spot a Liar!

Show slide – Hand to Face Gestures (this has a 1.25 second delay animation)

When someone uses a hand to face gesture, it can often be interpreted as a sign of deceit. This is best characterised by the three wise monkeys whose hands are placed at points on their faces to demonstrate each human gesture of deceit i.e. when we see, speak or hear things we believe to be untrue; we try and cover our


eyes, mouths or ears. Of course, we learn to be less blatant in our approach to these gestures, but the actions still linger and can be seen in varying ways. For the purposes of what we are discussing here, deceit can also mean doubt, uncertainty, lying or exaggeration.

As with all body language gestures, it is important that we do not judge a gesture in isolation, as it would be harsh to consider someone a liar because they made an involuntary scratch of the face. So, when someone makes a hand to face gesture, it does not always mean they are lying, but it could mean they are trying to deceive you and further observation of them might be required to discover their true intent.

Having said all this and taking into account the importance of interpreting gestures in clusters, we can now look at some of the hand to face gestures and look at what body language experts say they could mean.


Rather than just talk through this section, advise participants that you are going to play a short game. Split the group into two teams and tell them that they will be competing against each other for the next 20 minutes.

Tell participants that you are going to show them a slide with a series of images of different hand to face gestures and their task is to determine in their teams what they think the gesture might be portraying. They should write this on flipchart paper. At the end of the exercise, you will read out the answers to the participants and the team that has the most correct answers wins (you could provide a small prize for this).

Inform them prior to starting the activity that they might want to think back to the; hear no, see no, speak no monkeys and use it as a clue to the answers.

Note: You might want to make sure the participants close their workbooks at this stage as the answers are detailed within. Although the intention of the activity is to help participants learn, so however they do this is good!

Show slide – Hand to face quiz (reveal each question image by mouse click – Ensure you stop at the sixth image, so as not to reveal the ‘answer’ animation)

Once you have shown all six quiz images, ask the participants to provide feedback on their answers and how they came to that conclusion. Discuss any interesting points raised. Finally, reveal the answers…

Click slide – Reveal Answers


Of course, the reveal is supposed to promote a bit of shock and it is important you quantify this with a review of each of the points. Again, you should re-iterate that the gestures are only a sign of deceit and they should also take into account any other actions or mitigating circumstances i.e. someone may be rubbing their nose as they have an itch rather than because they are telling a lie (this is covered in the notes below).

Click slide – To reveal image headings again

Review the slide using the following notes as guidance…

Mouth Cover

This gesture is as clear as you can get and is well represented by the ‘speak no evil monkey’. The person using this gesture is clearly trying to ‘cover the lie’ by placing their hand over their mouth. The gesture can be a whole hand over the mouth or perhaps a few fingers or even a fist, but the intention is clear. If the person makes this gesture whilst you are speaking, it could mean that they think you are lying and they are covering their mouth for you (do not mistake this for the evaluation gesture, which we will cover later).

Nose Touch

This is simply a variation on the mouth cover, but the person doing it has learnt to be a bit more sophisticated in their reaction. Just as they begin the process of covering up their mouth to hide the lie, they subconsciously realise how this will be interpreted and quickly adjust the action so that instead they gently rub their nose.

It is also noted through research that when someone tells a lie there is a slight swelling of the inside tissue of the nose where chemicals known as Catecholamine are released as the blood pressure is raised, which causes a tingly sensation that they then need to rub (this can also occur when someone is upset, nervous or angry). ‘But what if they simply have an itchy nose?’ I hear you scream. Well, in that case they are more likely to make a very deliberate rubbing action. However, it does emphasise the importance of searching for ‘clusters’ and not viewing body language in isolation.

Eye Rub

Here the person is trying to avoid looking into the eyes of the person they are lying to and often the eye rub is accompanied by the person staring intently at the floor, so as not to focus on the recipient.

Ear Rub


Again, this is an attempt to not listen to the deceit and ‘hear no evil’, so it could be that they are trying to block out their own words, or those of another person. The ear rub could be just that, or perhaps a finger waggle in the ear, or even a tug of the earlobe.

Neck Scratch

This gesture shows doubt or uncertainty and can be used by someone who is telling you they agree with what you have to say while secretly thinking something else, making up their mind or holding back their own opinion. Always remember though to read in context with the situation and look out for other deceit gestures.

Collar Pull

According to Desmond Morris the famous human behaviourist, this gesture signifies that a person suspects they will be caught out in a lie. When a person lies there is a definite chemical reaction within the body. Blood vessels will swell, body temperature will go up and there will be a sense of discomfort perhaps due to the raising of hairs on their neck or due to sweat trickling. Because of this, a person will pull at their collar to relieve the tension, which displays to those around them they are uncomfortable in their deceit.

It takes a considerable amount of time and observation to acquire the ability to accurately interpret hand to face gestures in any given set of circumstances. Although we can confidently assume that, when a person uses one of the hand-to-face gestures discussed then a negative thought has entered their mind, the question is; what is the negative? It could be doubt, deceit, uncertainty, exaggeration, apprehension or outright lying. The real skill of interpretation is the ability to pick which of the negatives mentioned is the correct one. This can best be done by an analysis of the gestures preceding the hand-to-face gesture and interpreting it in context. The key point here is…Be very careful with how you interpret these gestures!

Chin and Cheek Gestures

There are of course other gestures that involve the hands moving around and near the face and these are equally interesting and if I were to show that I was interested I might place my closed hand on my cheek and point my index finger upwards (perform this action whilst you are explaining it), which leads me to chin and cheek gestures and how we use body language to show our interest, or disinterest in things.

Show slide – Chin and Cheek Gestures



Ask participants to pair up and advise them that you would like them to take it in turns to emulate the gestures provided on the slide. After one of the pair has taken a position up, the other person should try and identify what the body language signal means. When they have guessed, they should jot down their suggestion for what the body language meant, take another gesture from the slide and swap roles. Everyone should do this until all of the gestures have been completed.

In review, ask participants to provide you with the suggestions they came up with and then provide your own feedback using the notes below. Where possible, try and coax the information out of the participants rather than directly providing the information…

1. Chin rests on open hand, which is taking the full weight of the head.

When a hand is placed under a chin to support the head it is a clear sign that the person is becoming bored with the situation or whoever is talking. The more the head lolls and requires support, the more the boredom has set in.

2. Closed hand resting on cheek with index finger pointing upwards.

This is a sign of evaluation and demonstrates that the person is interested in what is being said. One thing to watch out for when this position is taken up is the person then subtly moving their hand under their chin to provide support. This shows that the person has slipped from evaluation to boredom but is trying to remain polite enough to show they are interested.

3. Index finger points up the cheek, whilst the thumb supports chin.

This shows that the person performing the gesture feels negatively or critical about the information being provided…or the person providing it. As this position is very close to the one of interest we spoke about earlier, it can often be confused for genuine interest. If you see this gesture, the best course of action would be to try and move the person from this position as soon as you can as the more they stay like this, the more critical they become.

4. Hand strokes the chin, person leans forward with open body gesture.

The chin stroke is a decision making gesture and in this case the chin stroke is accompanied by the person leaning forward (interest) with an open body gesture (open to ideas). We can surmise from this that the person has made a positive decision to agree with you in this case. If you are selling something, now is the time to make them sign!


5. Hand strokes the chin; person sits back with arms and legs crossed.

This is the same decision making chin stroke as before, but this time it is accompanied by negative or closed body gestures. In this case we can come to the conclusion that the decision has been made, and it is not good.

Eye Signals

Our eyes are often referred to as the ‘windows to the soul’ and quite rightly so too, as they can provide great insight into how we are thinking and feeling. In fact, the eyes are one part of the body that really does give off a signal that cannot be controlled and most of us can decode this signal without even being aware of it.

ASK: What do you think that eye signal might be?

Wait for response from participants and then…

Show slide – Pupil Dilation

When someone is unhappy or feels negative about another person their pupils will contract and conversely if they are excited or happy the pupils will dilate to up to four times what they would normally be in the current lighting conditions. This involuntary signal is usually decoded by us subconsciously and we can interpret the signal without thought. However, if you can learn to identify the signal you can spot people’s real feelings to any given situation.

Another important factor to consider as far as eye signals goes is that of the gaze. When we communicate with others the way they look at us can often make us feel uncomfortable or perhaps to feel that we don’t trust them. This can be due to the following facts.

Show slide – The Gaze

Talk participants through the slide. Discuss any interesting points raised and then move on. Please also make the point that the gaze is a key item of body language that is affected by cultural differences and so this might not be such steadfast rules when dealing with those outside the western culture.

Just as important as the length of the gaze between people is where this gaze is directed. If you play close attention to where you direct your gaze you can indicate to the person you are communicating with how you perceive the situation. Of course, you can also identify their intent by watching for where they gaze.


There are three main types of directed gaze, which are…

Show slide – Directed Gaze

Talk participants through the slide using the following notes as guidance…Business Gaze - If you focus on the forehead and eyes of the person you are communicating with and move your eyes through a triangle as shown in the image, you will create a serious impression with the person you are talking to and you will be able to maintain control of the interaction. Be careful not to overdo it though as this can create tension and mean that people feel uncomfortable prolonging the discussion.

Social Gaze - A more social approach to discussions is that of dropping the gaze below the other person’s eyes. This is demonstrated by a triangular gaze from eyes to mouth as shown.

Intimate Gaze - When the gaze begins to drop below the chin and to other parts of the body the communication becomes more intimate. The triangle in this case moves from the eyes to the chest and if further away below the waistline. This is most typically used in scenarios where men and women are trying to determine interest.

Of course there is more to how we engage with our eyes than just where our gaze falls and a lot of recent research has revealed that our actual eye movements can be interpreted. Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who were the pioneers of NLP, identified that people move their eyes in certain directions depending on which representational system they are trying to access.

Show slide – Eye accessing cues

This means that if we observe carefully, we can guess whether they are accessing pictures, sounds or feelings. So, even before they say a word we can work out what type of representational system they use.

The slide shows the kind of processing most people do when they move their eyes in a particular direction. There are however a small percentage of the population, including almost half of left-handers, who are reversed, so beware!

It would be lovely if we could take this map and know instantly what a person is doing internally. But people differ and not everyone will have the same pattern. Treat this diagram as a starting point only - and use your observation skills to establish what they do.


Talk participants through the slide. Ask them to refer to ‘accessing cues table’ in their workbook as a guide.

By identify eye cues you can help to understand what a person’s body language is trying to say. This combined with other body language clusters will help determine the true meaning behind their communication.


Ask participants to refer to their workbook ‘Spotting eye movements – activity’.

Place participants into pairs and name person A and person B. Person A should think of a neutral topic and stare naturally at person B. Person B should then ask questions from their workbook. They should then mark on the face in their workbook what person A did with their eyes.

They can then review their sheet against the accessing cues table to see if it matched.

Bring participants together and review how they got on. You can then use the outputs to have a wider discussion on the benefits of understanding eye accessing cues.

Matching & Mirroring

Matching and mirroring is again often a subconscious thing that we do. If you observe people talking, you will often find that their body language starts to ‘mirror’ the other persons. For instance, you may find that one person starts to cross their legs and the other person automatically does this too or if someone stands up the other will copy.

In normal communication, matching and mirroring usually occurs subtly and subconsciously. It involves being in a similar body posture to the other person and using similar gestures, styles of behaviour, and tone and speed of voice. It is an effective way to build rapport with someone.

If we pay attention to others body language and subtly mirror it we can help to generate rapport. Once we have rapport with another person, it becomes a lot easier to see things from their point of view.

Beware of mimicking people though, as this can come across as insincere! A good way to avoid this is to leave a delay between the time the person we are


mirroring does something and we follow. You can also ‘match’ rather than ‘mirror’. The difference is that with mirroring we do exactly what the other person does, whereas with matching we might cross our legs in response to them crossing their arms. Matching is often the more subtle approach of the two.


Place participants into groups of three. Ask them to refer to the ‘matching and mirroring’ activity in their workbook. Instructions as follows:

In threes, choose who will be person A, B or C:

Persons A and B speak about something they do not agree on. If they cannot decide on anything then one person can play devil’s advocate.

Person B initially matches person A in body gestures and positions; then, person B does the opposite (i.e. mismatches body language) while each continues speaking. Person B then reverts back to copying person A’s body language, movements and position.

Person C observes the situation.

The exercise involves matching body language, mis-matching and then matching again. After the exercise, swap roles so that each person tries each role. Allow person C to explain what they noticed while acting as an observer. Person A often finds it very difficult to keep speaking while person B is mis-matching body language.

Review

When participants have completed the activity, bring them all back together as a group and discuss how they found the conversation went when matching and mis-matching.

What were there feelings?

How did the person react?

What was it like to watch?

Bringing It All Together



The following activity provides participants with the chance to review what they have learnt throughout the session and identify how they have improved their powers of identifying body language signals. It is not meant to be too intense and should simply be a way of focusing on what they have found out in a relaxed and enjoyable way.

We often find that this session can become rushed at the end of the day as participants are in a hurry to leave. If you can express the importance of the session it is useful though as the outputs of this activity are very rewarding.

Advise participants that you are going to show them a slide with a series of pictures on it (click through them). Their task is to discuss this as a group and identify what might be going on in the picture. You should all work on this together and refer back to the information provided throughout the session.

There are no ‘answers’ provided with this activity, as the intention is to discuss opinions and reasoning without focusing too much on the right and wrong. As the pictures are static it is difficult to provide a definite response to what is going on as you must also consider the context. You can however play close attention to the key gestures and come to a fair conclusion.

This training session will have given you a fundamental awareness of body language and how it affects communication. The topic, as you by now will have gathered, is very large and although we have covered a lot of information, there is still a wealth of resources out there that will help fill in any gaps and I encourage you to research them. Something else I would like to encourage in you is the act of developing the skills you have learnt through further observation as this is the best method of understanding how we communicate through body language.

So, set aside some time every day to read other people’s gestures as well as focusing on your own gestures and their meanings. There are plenty of opportunities to ‘people watch’ and even if you don’t leave the home, try turning the sound down on the television and observing the body language without hearing the words. You will be amazed out how much you can actually take in. Pretty soon you’ll find yourself sitting in the corner of a bar watching the subtle messages being given off by people as they go about their lives. Give it a try, it’s addictive!

Session Review, Actions and Close


Exercise – 15 minutes

Ask participants to refer to the learning logs and action plans. They should spend 10 minutes completing these.

Show slide – Objectives

Review objectives and ensure that all points have been covered.

Complete evaluation and close.


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