trust assessment conversational intelligence...mar 07, 2019 · • this style can be seen as...

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© 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Conversational Intelligence:The Art & Science of

Communication and Influence2019 Fellows – First Meeting

March 2, 2019

John “The Purple Coach” MitchellKM Advisors


Trust Assessment

Distrust Trust

41 72 3 5 6


Our AgendaLearn how to be a more effective leader by:

•Understanding Brain Science• Exploring Evolutionary Defense Mechanisms• Experimenting w/ Conversational Intelligence• Leveraging Your ISI Influence Style(s)


Rules of EngagementLet’s create a “safe” space for our conversation today. We are going to have a series of conversations and experiments.

What do you need to fully participate and engage in this process?

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Active Listening

Ability to focus completely on what your conversation partner is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of your partner’s desires, and to support self-expression.

Source: International Coach Federation © 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Active Listening (cont’d)• Hear your partner’s concerns, goals, values and beliefs about what

is and is not possible.• Distinguish between the words, the tone of voice, and the body

language.• Summarize, paraphrase, reiterate, and mirror back what your

partner has said to ensure clarity and understanding.• Encourage, accept, explore and reinforce your partner’s

expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs, suggestions, etc.

Source: International Coach Federation


Active Listening – Isn’t• Taking turns talking• Finishing someone else’s sentences because you know what they

are going to say• Formulating your response to what you think is being said• Waiting your turn to speak


John’s Journey

KM Advisors, LLCThe Lawyer’s Edge

ESSY - Haven

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John’s Journey


John’s Journey


Active Listening Debrief• How many times did I attend Northwestern?• How many joint degree programs did I complete?• What was my first job out of college?• In which job did I learn the most about business?• How do I really feel about that job?• How did my dog get his name?• When did I first start going to NOLA?• How long have I been married?


Active Listening Debrief• How long have I been on the LCLD Faculty?• Which LCLD programs do I regularly lead workshops?• What brings me back to LCLD each year?• When did I start my business?• What request did my wife make of me when I started my

business?• How do you think I feel about my work?• How would you describe my approach to life?

Source: International Coach Federation

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Brain Amygdala, Prefrontal Cortex, Limbic brain

Source: https://com m ons.w ikim edia.org/w iki/File:Brain_headBorder.jpg© 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Brain – Amygdala

Source: https://com m ons.w ikim edia.org/w iki/File:Am ygdala.png


Brain – Limbic

Source: http://www.philipggross.com/2017/03/09/make-decisions-gut-aka-limbic-brain/© 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Brain – Prefrontal Cortex

Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Prefrontal_cortex_(left)_-_lateral_view.png and https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Prefrontal_cortex_(left)_animation.gif

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Prefrontal_cortex_(left)_-_lateral_view.png

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Prefrontal_cortex_(left)_animation.gif

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Cortisol

IM AGE SOURCE: http://traum atoolkit.b logspot.com /2011/11/hpa-axis-traum a-and-you.htm l IM AGE SOURCE: http://happyhorm onesforlife.com /the-cortisol-connection/© 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Oxytocin

IMAGE SOURCE: https://www.macalester.edu/projects/UBNRP/Website_Attachement/oxytocin.html IMAGE SOURCE: https://steemkr.com/science/@khatisam4/6-fascinating-blog-oxytocin-the-love-hormone


Dopamine

IMAGE SOURCE: http://leedspostcards.co.uk/products/334-be-happy-greeting-card.aspx© 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Judith E. Glaser

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Conversational Intelligence“To get to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of our culture, which depends on the quality of our relationships, which depends on the quality of our conversations. Everything happens through conversations!”


Sources of MeaningWords

7%

Tone of Voice38%

Non-Verbal55%


Betrayed by our Bodies!

IMAGE SOURCE: http://ejobnet.info/?k=How+to+Clear+Your+Mental+Clutter+Chatter+Bombs++The© 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Conversations Physically Impact Us

IMAGE SOURCE: https://www.freepik.com/

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Evolutionary Defense Mechanisms

•Trust activates Prefrontal Cortex – Executive Function & Fear activates the Amygdala –“flight/fight/freeze/appease” response •Shared reality is an illusion•Limited/Misunderstood data is no limit to drawing conclusions


ChangeWhat does this word mean to you?

Take 60 seconds to write your thoughts

Discuss change at your table


Success Wheel Exercise

SUCCESS


Success Wheel Debrief•Were there any patterns in your 12 words?•How similar were the words from your table

colleagues?•What might you conclude from this exercise?

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Ladder of ConclusionsAssumptions

Interpretations

Conclusions

Beliefs

Meaning

Reaction to Bio Activation

Thoughts

Feelings

Chemical and Electrical Response

Potential Trigger

Bio-Reactions

Conversations


Blind Spots

IM AGE SOURCE: https://w w w .dm new s.com /custom er-experience/new s/13056823/96-of-business-w ebsites-have-security-blind-spots


Tool Kit for Level III Conversations

IMAGE SOURCE: https://caringforyourparents.wordpress.com/© 2019 KM Advisors, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Conversational Dashboard

Tell-AskProtect

Advocate-Inquire

Share-DiscoverPartner

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Conversational Intelligence Matrix: Level 1

TransactionalWhat do we exchange?

“Exchange information”

Interaction Dynamics

Ask-Tell

Space Closes Spaces

Focus Giving and taking information

Blind spots & Overuse

“Tell-Sell-Yell Syndrome” Tendency toward telling more than asking

Intention InformListen To protect

I-WE I-centric

Success My success

Trust Low trust

Influence Not open to influence

Skills to Develop

Ability to ask open ended questions and foster “give and take”



PositionalWhat do we exchange?

“Exchange Power”


Advocate-Inquire

Space Limits Space

Focus Exploring others’ positions seeking a win-win solution


“Addicted to Being Right” Tendency to ask questions for which you have all the answers

Intention PersuadeListen To accept or reject

I-WE I & We-centric

Success Win at all cost

Trust Conditional trust

Influence Desire to influence

Skills to Develop

Ability to share the conversational space with others; expand power




“Exchange Energy”


Share-Discover

Space Creates Space

Focus Exploring others’ perspectives; joining and transforming reality; innovating


“All Talk No Action” Tendency for too much talk and no action

Intention Co-CreateListen To connect

I-WE WE-centric

Success Mutual success

Trust High trust

Influence Open to influence

Skills to Develop

Ability to ask questions for which you have no answers; co-creating


TRUSTTRANSPARENCY

RELATIONSHIP

UNDERSTANDING

SHARED SUCCESS

TRUTH TELLING AND TESTING ASSUMPTIONS

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Accountability Partner Exercise


Time Remaining


Time Remaining


Time Remaining

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Time Remaining


Accountability Partner Exercise Debrief


ISI Model


Rationalizing• Frequent repeating of logical proposals can feel like pressure and generate a

negative emotional response.

• You do not account for value-based solutions.• When overused it can be seen as competitive or self-serving and people may oppose

your proposals regardless of the merits of the facts and your expertise.

• You may generate a competitive response from others.• Stakeholders may feel that their values and feelings are ignored or are not important.

• People may assume you value your data more than their feelings.• People feel they are being pressured and their perspectives are not being heard.

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Asserting• Unreasonable demands can sometimes lead to deadlock.

• This style can be seen as evaluative – others may feel you are judging them.• It can feel pressured, cause annoyance and if overused can create the desire for

people to get even.• This style can be experienced as aggressive and may unintentionally push people

away.• You get compliance from other stakeholders when you need commitment. It can

be seen as self-serving and competitive with little interest in the needs of other stakeholders.

• It may be seen as heavy handed and dominating.


Negotiating• You may lose sight of the bigger picture and long-term goals.

• It may appear that what is moderately important to you is more significant than what is of great importance to others.

• The process of compromising may confuse others about your real position.

• You give up something that is critical to your interest or the interest of those you represent.

• You may communicate that you are less concerned about an issue than you really are.

• You appear willing to give in to the demands or needs of other stakeholders to avoid conflict.


Inspiring• If trust does not exist, it can be seen as a smoke screen or an attempt to mislead.

• If there is an adversary relationship, one side’s exciting possibility may be the other side’s disaster.

• When you are an outsider, this can lead to distrust or suspicion.

• If there is no common goal then trust may be eroded and credibility can be lost.

• If you approach this with hidden agendas then it can engender distrust and contempt.


Bridging• Lack of time: Time and discretion are important considerations in building

openness, confidence and trust.

• It can be perceived as manipulative and dishonest if you are not really sincere about others’ involvement or their position.

• You may cause feelings of impatience when time is of the essence.

• You use what you learn from others to manipulate the situation.

• You start by listening/communicating and then run out of time and/or interest.

• There may be frustration when

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“Exchange Energy”


Share-Discover

Space Creates Space

Focus Exploring others’ perspectives; joining and transforming reality; innovating


“All Talk No Action” Tendency for too much talk and no action

Intention Co-CreateListen To connect

I-WE WE-centric

Success Mutual success

Trust High trust

Influence Open to influenceSkills to Develop

Ability to ask questions for which you have no answers; co-creating


Thank You!

John E. MitchellKM Advisors

1341 W. Fullerton Avenue #222Chicago, IL 60614

(773) 486-4620

[email protected]

mailto:[email protected]

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