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TUMBLR-TAN Written by Matthew D Hems Address Phone Number

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Written by

Matthew D Hems

AddressPhone Number

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TUMBLR-TAN lies asleep in her bed. A little alarm clock blinks and chimes a quiet song alarm. There’s a banging on her door.

FATHERTumblr! I’m serious! If you don’t go to school today I’m cutting off your internet!

TUMBLR-TAN snaps awake.

TUMBLR-TAN(whispers to herself)

Cut off my internet? He wouldn’t. Let me just check my blog and then I’ll get up.

TUMBLR-TAN rolls across her bed and opens her laptop on the floor. She refreshes the Tumblr Dashboard.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)No new messages? Ugh. Whatevs.

TUMBLR-TAN quickly snaps a picture of her face in a funny pose and posts it.

FATHERLet’s go young lady! You already missed the bus!

TUMBLR-TANWhat? No! How am I gonna get to school?


TUMBLR-TAN and her FATHER stand in front of an old bicycle.

TUMBLR-TANI can’t ride that thing!

FATHERSure you can. I’m the one that taught you how to ride a bike remember?

TUMBLR-TANNo Dad. I mean I can’t ride that thing in public! It’s old and gross!

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FATHERNo it’s not. It’s uh. What’s that word you’re always throwing around? Oh right. It’s “vintage”.

TUMBLR-TAN’s eyes widen.

TUMBLR-TAN“Vintage”? Really?

FATHERSure. They don’t make bikes like this one anymore. Yup this is a real rare find. So make sure you use the bike lock.

TUMBLR-TANTake a picture of me on it first!


TUMBLR-TANHere snap a pic! I want everyone to see my new vintage bike!

TUMBLR-TAN puts her phone in her FATHER’s hand. He scratches his head and hesitates.


The camera beeps and TUMBLR-TAN strikes a pose on the bike.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)Do another one! Keep going!

FATHERDo we really have time for this?

TUMBLR-TAN gets a threataning look.

TUMBLR-TANThere is always time for pictures. If I don’t have pictures, it didn’t happen.

FATHER snaps a few more shots. TUMBLR-TAN runs up an snatches her phone back.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)Oh yeah. This is perfect!


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TUMBLR-TAN swings her leg over the bike and prepares to pedal off. She then remembers to put on her T shaped barrette.


FATHERSee you tonight, Tumblr-tan!


We watch each of the students in various stages of their morning routines as TUMBLR-TAN pedals through the town.

L.J. packs her books in a messenger bag and cleans her glasses.

YOUTUBE rolls out of bed and does brushes his teeth.

BLOGGER quickly checks some websites and runs out the door after taking a swig of orange juice.

MYSPACE gets on his bike and zips through bus streets and pulls off a stunt or two.

EXT. MINUTES LATER in front of the elementary school

TUMBLR-TAN heaves and wheezes as she tries to race to class.

TUMBLR-TANAlmost there. I can see the high school!

Suddenly a little girl runs out of the school yard. She’s chasing after a blue bird and it leads her directly into the path of TUMBLR-TAN. TUMBLR-TAN notices and panics.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)Watch out little girl! I don’t think my brakes work!

TUMBLR-TAN shrieks as she sharply turns and narrowly misses hitting the little girl. The sudden direction change leads TUMBLR-TAN straight into oncoming traffic. TUMBLR-TAN again cries out and is prepared to be run over by a mini van when the van rolls to a stop in front of her.


TUMBLR-TAN looks around and sees she had turned onto a pedestrian crossing. The crossing guard had stopped traffic.


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TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)Oh you saved my life, Crossing Guard! I was totes about to die!


TUMBLR-TANFavebook?! What are you doing here? Why are you a crossing guard? Oh my God! IS your family broke? Did you haveto get a job? Are you supporting your whole family now on your part time minimum wage job as a school crossing guard?!

FACEBOOKUh, no, Tumblr-tan. I volunteer a couple days every week.


FACEBOOKIt looks nice on my college applications and I get to walk my sister to school.

TUMBLR-TANYou have a sister?

FACEBOOKThat’s her over there with the blue hair.


TUMBLR-TAN slowly turns around and sees TWITTER playing on the sidewalk with friends.


FACEBOOKAre you okay, Tumblr-tan?

TUMBLR-TANGotta go, bro!

TUMBLR-TAN hops on her bike and gets ready to pedal. A hand tugs on her skirt.


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TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)Let go of my skirt, Facebook!!

TUMBLR-TAN growls and looks at FACEBOOK. He points toward the ground. TUMBLR-TAN looks down and sees TWITTER holding onterher skirt.


TWITTERYou almost hit me with your junky old bike.

TUMBLR-TAN chokes.

TUMBLR-TANShhhh. What? No. No, I think you have me mistaken. You little girls and your imaginations. Run along and go play with your friends. I gotta get to class!

TWITTERI have video.


TWITTER takes out a children’s cell phone and plays back a short clip of TUMBLR-TAN screaming and barreling towards her on the bike.


TUMBLR-TAN scrambles to get a hold of the phone. But to no avail.

TWITTERI don’t like you. I don’t like your rickety old bike.

TUMBLR-TANLittle girls shouldn’t say things like that! What’re you going to do with that video?!




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TWITTERJust stay away from my brother.

TUMBLR-TANWhat are you talking about? He and I are just class mates! He’s the head of my class! I can’t stay away from him! We go to school together!

TWITTERI know a hussy when I see one.


TWITTERYou’ve been warned.

TWITTER slinks away and TUMBLR-TAN looks dumbstruck. TUMBLR-TAN twitches and begins to cry and rides off on her bike. FACEBOOK calls out to her




The kids all anxiously wait in there seat and stare at the class clock. It slowly ticks towards noon.

TUMBLR-TANOh come on! Stupid clock! I’m gonnakill you, clock. Just stab you with this pencil. Stab stab stab.

YOUTUBE leans forward and whispers in TUMBLR-TAN’s ear.

YOUTUBEI can hear you you know.

TUMBLR-TAN is jolted. For a moment she looks like some kind of socially awkward penguin. She sulks and slouches and scribbles in her notebook. L.J. sits and reads her book. She shows no tension. BLOGGER quietly laughs to himself as he browses a blog on his phone. FACEBOOK is at the board solving a math problem. Then the bell rings.



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She strikes a commanding pose and points towards the door. Everyone stares at her.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)You just don’t get it.

Defeated she shuffles out of the room. And peeks back in.



EXT. DAY NOON. Rooftop recreation yard of Social Network High

The students of Social Network High are scattered around the yard enjoying their lunches and free time. It’s a sunny day in the city and the breeze smells like Summer is coming quickly. TUMBLR-TAN is sitting and eating lunch on a bench with LIVE JOURNAL (L.J.) while the boys BLOGGER, YOUTUBE, MYSPACE, and FACEBOOK play soccer.

TUMBLR-TANL.J.? Can I have a bite of that sandwich?

L.J.(L.J. Doesn’t look up from her book)


TUMBLR-TANWhy not? I’m starving! I’m gonnapass out!

L.J.You’re on a diet remember? Picture day is Wednesday. You told me to stop feeding you.

TUMBLR-TANBut this is an emergency L.J.! I’m gonna pass out and fall and break my neck! And you’re gonna cry so hard!



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TUMBLR-TANBoo, you whore!

TUMBLR-TAN gets up in a huff and walks away from L.J. And leans onto the chain-link fence looking down at the street.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)I’m so hungry. I could eat 40 babbies. Heh, babbies.

TUMBLR-TAN mimics the babby troll face. She snickers. Down on the street she notices a green man with no face wearing a suit. He seems to be looking up at her.


Suddenly the man appears on the other side of the fence. Miraculously floating there in front of her. TUMBLR-TAN is speechless.

GREEN MANI have something to tell you Tumblr-tan.

GREEN MAN leans in close to the fence as if to kiss her through the chain link. TUMBLR-TAN is confused but doesn’t pull away. Suddenly TUMBLR-TAN’s face slams into the fence and GREEN MAN disappears.


TUMBLR-TAN spins around to see a soccer ball at her feet. The boys look over at her sheepishly. BLOGGER especially looks distraught and tries to shy away behind YOUTUBE. TUMBLR-TAN raises a finger and points at him.


TUMBLR-TAN’s face turns into one of pure rage. She plucks her signature T shaped barrette from her hair. The pin gleams in the light. She then picks up the soccer ball and stabs it. All the air pours out. The boys collectively look terrified. TUMBLR-TAN yells and runs after BLOGGER.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)Just who the hell are you anyway?!

BLOGGERI’m Blogger Miss Tumblr-tan!


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TUMBLR-TANNever heard of you!

BLOGGERWe’ve been going to school together for quite a while. I’m a senior.

TUMBLR-TANYou look like a whimpy freshman. This is what I do to noobs who mess up my hair!

TUMBLR-TAN grabs hold of BLOGGER and starts to give him a noogie. BLOGGER has tears streaming down his face and is completely helpless.



L.J.Let go of him Tumblr-tan.

L.J. Stands before them still holding one book in her hand and peering down at it.

TUMBLR-TANYou’re no fun.

TUMBLR-TAN tosses away BLOGGER. BLOGGER yelps and lands onto L.J. He’s frozen in shock as his head lies in her chest. L.J. shuts her book and smoothly smacks him away with it. He’s launched into the air and lands on the ground a broken mess. YOUTUBE walks up to BLOGGER and tried to comfort him as he lays on the ground.

YOUTUBEDon’t worry about the ball Blogger. Facebook went to get a new one. But tell me: How was it over there on L.J.’s chest?

BLOGGER just whimpers.

MYSPACEYo. Are you two gonna play or what?

YOUTUBEI think I’d better chill with Blogger. We suck at that game anyways.


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MYSPACEYeah, you do suck.

FACEBOOKReady Myspace?

MYSPACE grimly nods. FACEBOOK has removed his jacket and nods back. He tosses the ball into the air.


MYSPACE plays dirty of course and FACEBOOK gets tough too. YAHOO-SENPAI enters the yard. He waves for FACEBOOK. FACEBOOK gets distracted and MYSPACE slides for an aggressive tackle and cuts up FACEBOOK’s leg a little bit.

FACEBOOK (CONT’D)You idiot! Look what you did!

MYSPACEI’m sorry man. I can’t help it if you weren’t paying attention.

FACEBOOKDoes a simple soccer game really mean that much to you?

MYSPACEYou’re just angry that I won. You can’t talk down to me. I’m older than you! Go cry to Tumblr-tan about your booboo.

TUMBLR-TAN looks on and gets confused and embarrassed when her name is mentioned. MYSPACE shoves FACEBOOK a little bit as he walks towards the door. FACEBOOK stands silent and staring at the ground. His fists are clenched and shaking.

YOUTUBEI’m sorry about that Facebook. He’s just a bully you know? He’s been through a lot.

The bell rings signaling a new period has started. FACEBOOK is silent. YOUTUBE helps a still dazed BLOGGER back inside. YAHOO-SENPAI approaches FACEBOOK and puts a hand on FACEBOOK’s back and quietly says something to him.

L.J.Are you coming Tumblr-tan? We’re already 63 seconds late.

TUMBLR-TANI’ll catch up L.J.


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YAHOO-SENPAIYou should go to class. We’ve got everything covered. Right, Facebook?


I’m sorry about your leg. But if you happen to see my barrette around? I lost it earlier.

YAHOO-SENPAIGo on Tumblr-tan we’ll find it.

TUMBLR-TAN nods and runs off to class.

YAHOO-SENPAI leans forward and looks down at FACEBOOK’s scrape.

YAHOO-SENPAIYikes. You really pissed that guy off, eh?

FACEBOOK is still silent.

YAHOO-SENPAI (CONT’D)It’s not like you to get into fights, FACEBOOK. The Council needs a leader out here. You can’t just play around with these kids.

FACEBOOKThey’re my friends.

YAHOO-SENPAISure they are. But you’re still the head of the class. You have to carry yourself like that. What if that fight had gotten more serious. The Council can’t keep that off your school record. Say bye-bye to college if that happened.

FACEBOOKDid you just come up here to tell me how to do my job?

YAHOO-SENPAINo, Mr. Grumpy. The Council wants to see you. Come on. School business! Yay! Get pumped! Are you pumped?


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FACEBOOK manages a small grin.


YAHOO-SENPAI puts his arm over FACEBOOK’s shoulder and they go inside.

INT. DAY MINUTES LATER in the classroom

TUMBLR-TAN sits at her desk beside the window. She’s visibly bored. L.J. sits to TUMBLR-TAN’s right and is bust taking notes. TUMBLR-TAN struggles to write something down on a piece of paper while keeping her head down on the desk. She lifts the paper to show L.J. The paper reads “I am sooooooboard. Ugh ugh ugh.” L.J. Adjusts her glasses and snatches the paper from TUMBLR-TAN. She hands it back to her. TUMBLR-TAN looks down to see a red pen has crossed out “board” and rewritten “bored”. TUMBLR-TAN grimaces. She pulls out a large black marker and furiously scribbles something down and shoves the paper in front of L.J. It reads “THAT’S THE JOKE.jpg” L.J. swats her hand away and goes back to taking notes. TUMBLR-TAN huffs and rests her head on her hand and looks out the window. She sees the GREEN MAN standing outside the school gates.

TUMBLR-TANGreen Man..?

TUMBLR-TAN smooshes her face against the glass to get a better look. In GREEN MAN’s hand is her barrette.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)(in a quiet hiss)

BASTARD! Oh you pervert! Stealing a beautiful young babe’s barrette!



SENSEIPay attention!

TUMBLR-TANSorry, Sensei!

TUMBLR-TAN secretly whips out her cellphone and frantically types a message with her thumbs. The message reads “L.J., BIG EMERGENCY!


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Meet me in the bathroom rite nao!” TUMBLR-TAN looks over at L.J. L.J. looks up from her phone. TUMBLR-TAN nods grimly.


TUMBLR-TAN briskly speed walks down the hallway towards the bathroom. She sees MYSPACE leaning cooly against a wall. She frowns and curtly turns her head away making it obvious that she doesnt want to talk to him. But suddenly she trips and falls flat on her face. She lays on the ground looking both embarrassed and furious.

MYSPACEHeh. You should look where you’re going Miss.

TUMBLR-TAN snaps back up and faces him.

TUMBLR-TANListen, bro. I don’t know what your problem is. But if you wanna hate on me that’s fine. I get off on it. And what you did to Facebook today? Not. Cool.

TUMBLR-TAN busts out a pair of shades and puts them on.

MYSPACEYou look like an idiot in those.

TUMBLR-TANDeal with it.

TUMBLR-TAN starts to strut away and trips again.

MYSPACEI was going to tell you that your shoe laces are untied.

TUMBLR-TAN remains motionless on the floor.

TUMBLR-TANJust go away.

TUMBLR-TAN drags herself across the floor and somehow slithers to the bathroom door. While still lying on the ground the door swings open. EBAY-SENPAI stands in the door frame.



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EBAY-SENPAIHuh? Who said that?

TUMBLR-TANMe! Tumblr-tan! Down here, bro.

EBAY-SENPAIOh. Hello Tumblr-tan.

EBAY-SENPAI whips out her phone and checks it.

TUMBLR-TANWow that’s a really nice phone. It’s so shiny and new!

EBAY-SENPAIThanks. I just got it. It’s not the one I really wanted but it’s okay I guess.

TUMBLR-TANCan I take a picture with it?


TUMBLR-TAN springs up and stands in front of EBAY.

TUMBLR-TANOh please! Just a quick picture to put on my blog? I wanna make these chicks I talk to jealous!

EBAY-SENPAIFine. One picture and then I have to go. Student Council business. I’m the treasurer you know.

TUMBLR-TAN and EBAY-SENPAI switch phones.

EBAY-SENPAI (CONT’D)Wow this phone is really old.


EBAY-SENPAIYou should be nicer to the upperclassman. I could have you expelled if I wanted.

TUMBLR-TANGOD! I’ll just take the picture myself!


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TUMBLR-TAN snatches the phone from EBAY-SENPAI and snaps a picture. EBAY-SENPAI grabs TUMBLR-TANS wrist and has a menacing look on her face.

EBAY-SENPAIYou will never touch my things again.

TUMBLR-TAN looks horrified.

TUMBLR-TANYes, Senpai.


EBAY-SENPAI struts off down the hallway.


L.J. is leaning on the sink and reading a book. TUMBLR-TAN bursts into the room with a huge grin.

L.J.What took you so long Tumblr-tan?


TUMBLR-TAN primps herself in the mirror.

L.J.What are we here to talk about? Some emergency?

TUMBLR-TANYES! OH EM GEE, L.J.! My barrette is gone!

L.J.You have like 20 at your house.

TUMBLR-TANNO LISTEN. Someone has it!


TUMBLR-TANI dunno who. He’s some green man with no face and a suit.


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L.J.Is this a joke? I could never understand your humor.

TUMBLR-TANNo! For serious thins time! He’s down there right now with my barrette! Oh that pervert!

L.J.Class is going to end soon. You can go down and get it back.

TUMBLR-TANHe’s going to kidnap me or something prolly. Fuggin’ perv. Right L.J.?

L.J. is silent and keeps reading her book. The school bell rings signaling the end of the day.

L.J.Well good luck Tumblr-tan.

L.J. leaves. TUMBLR-TAN opens a stall. Standing there on top of the toilet and fumbling with a portable camera is YOUTUBE. YOUTUBE tries to laugh as he stands there stunned from being caught.

TUMBLR-TANI can’t deal with this right now.

TUMBLR-TAN slams the stall door shut and leaves. YOUTUBE let’s out a sigh of relief.


TUMBLR-TAN steps out the front doors. She watches BLOGGER and L.J. get on the bus. MYSPACE speeds off on his little motorbike. YOUTUBE bumps into her as he races out of the building to catch the bus. TUMBLR-TAN looks around and doesn’t see the GREEN MAN. She heads over to her bike and starts to unlock it. A hand enters her vision and it’s holding her barrette.


FACEBOOKSurprise, Tumblr-tan.


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TUMBLR-TANOh my gosh! Where did you find it! Did you fight off the green perv in the suit for this?

She hastily puts it back in her hair.

FACEBOOKHuh? No. It was laying on the sidewalk. I knew I had to pick it up. Didn’t want someone to accidentally step on it. I told you I’d find it. Here.

FACEBOOK brushes her hands away and adjusts the barrette for her. TUMBLR-TAN blushes.

TUMBLR-TANUh.. Thanks alot.. bro?



FACEBOOK grabs her arm lightly before she can speed off.


FACEBOOKUm, Tumblr-tan. Do you think you could do something for me?

TUMBLR-TANSure, Facebook. Anything.

FACEBOOKCould you take my little sister homee? I have a meeting with student council. I’m actually late right now.





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TUMBLR-TANEr uh I mean. Sure. Okay. Yeah. I can do that. No probs.

FACEBOOKGreat. I owe you one now, Tumblr-tan.

For a moment he hesitates and then he kisses her lightly on the forehead before running back into the school building. TUMBLR-TAN flutters her hands in her face to cool down.

TUMBLR-TANDid that really just happen? I shoulda taken a picture.

Still a tizzy TUMBLR-TAN gets on her bike and rides off.

EXT. A COUPLE MINUTES LATER Outside the elementary school.

TUMBLR-TAN dismounts and wades into the gaggle of school girls. She methodically picks up each one.

TUMBLR-TANNope. No. Not Twitter. Nope. No. O you’re so cute! Nope. No.

She picks up TWITTER and TWITTER has her arms crossed angrily.


TUMBLR-TAN drops her. TWITTER screams. TWITTER lies on the ground and holds up her phone. She plays back TUMBLR-TAN yelling and dropping her. Her finger hovers over the send button.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)NO DON’T! Your brother sent me here to take you home.


TUMBLR-TANI’m not lying! Please don’t send that video! I’ll do anything.



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TUMBLR-TANWell within reason. You’re just a kid.

TWITTER’s finger returns to the send button

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)Okay yes! Anything!

TWITTERCandy store!

TUMBLR-TANUm, okay. That doesn’t seem too bad. Maybe I could take some cool macro shots of lollipops for my blog.

TWITTER hops onto the front of TUMBLR-TAN’s bike.

TWITTERLess talk and more pedalling, granma.

TUMBLR-TAN whines and pedals off.

TWITTER (CONT’D)Candyyyyy stoooore!!!


YOUTUBE and BLOGGER sit on the back seat of the bus looking at the tiny video screen of YOUTUBE’s camera. L.J. sits in the seat infront of them.

BLOGGERHow is this sexy? They’re just standing there.

YOUTUBEDude. No, you don’t get it. They’re in the bathroom. The girl’s bathroom. That’s like the hottest thing I can think of!

BLOGGERThis feels wrong. What are you going to do with this?

YOUTUBEPut it online, duh! Just think of all the hits this would get. “High school girls in bathroom...”


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BLOGGER“...talking about barrettes”

YOUTUBEThey didn’t give me much to work with okay?

L.J. looks back at the boys.

L.J.May I see your camera please?

YOUTUBENo way! You’re gonna delete the video!

L.J.No I won’t.

YOUTUBEYes you will! You’re always such a buzz kill!

L.J.No really. I think it’s hot. I wanna watch it.

YOUTUBE and BLOGGER nearly choke in surprise.

YOUTUBEYou’re yanking my chain. No girl is that kinky!


BLOGGER looks surprised and overwhelmed.

BLOGGERY-yes Miss L.J.?

L.J.Please hand me the camera.


BLOGGER immediately snatches the camera away from Youtube and hands it over to L.J.

YOUTUBEWhat the hell, man?


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L.J. plays the video on fast forward. It ends with TUMBLR-TAN opening the stall door and looking pissed.


YOUTUBEYou like it?

L.J.We really did just stand there. I don’t see why anyone would like this.

YOUTUBEWell you’re a girl first of all.

L.J. deletes the video and hands the camera back. YOUTUBE looks shocked and speechless. The bus slows to a stop and L.J. gets up and leaves. BLOGGER quickly gathers his things and heads for the exit.

YOUTUBE (CONT’D)Blogger? Where are you going dude? You’re place is at the next stop!

BLOGGERUh sorry. I’ve got some uh shopping to do?

Blogger hops off the bus.

YOUTUBEShopping in an apartment complex?


BLOGGER stands awkwardly in front of the building. His hand hovers above the buzzer to L.J.’s apartment.

BLOGGERCome on Blogger. You’ve been standing here for hours. Just press the button already. What a wuss you are.

BLOGGER lets his hand fall in defeat and walks down the steps.


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BLOGGER (CONT’D)I should head home. This day might not be a total loss. Maybe my bloggot some new comments today.

High above DEVIANTART leans out her window and looks down at the ground below. Her sister L.J. Is in the room typing away at a computer.

DEVIANTARTIs that him down there?


DEVIANTARTHe’s cute! Are you gonna go on a date?

L.J.No. He’s stalking me.

DEVIANTARTHow come nobody stalks me?

L.J.Because you’re 12.

DEVIANTARTHe’s so cute! I’m going to draw him. (calling out the window) Hey! Blogger-kun!

BLOGGER looks up.

DEVIANTART (CONT’D)Don’t go! I’m going to draw you!

DEVIANTART hustles to grab a pen and paper. She quickly doodles something and folds the paper into an airplane. She comes back to the window and flashes the plane at him.

DEVIANTART (CONT’D)Ready Blogger-kun?

BLOGGER gives a thumbs up. DEVIANTART cranks her arm back and tosses the plane out the window. It slowly and lazily descends. BLOGGER leaps for it as it gets close above his head and misses. The plane loops in the air and wafts into the street. BLOGGER chases down the block after it.

DEVIANTART (CONT’D)(disappointed) He’s gone now.


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L.J.Good. You have homework to do.

DEVIANTARTI hate homework!

INT. SOMETIME AFTER SCHOOL. The Student Council room.

FACEBOOK enters the room. He finds EBAY sitting on GOOGLE’sdesk. GOOGLE sits in his chair. YAHOO waves to FACEBOOK from a student desk. MSN doesn’t look up from her paperwork.

GOOGLE-SENPAII’m glad you could make it, Facebook.

FACEBOOKOf course.

GOOGLE-SENPAITell me Facebook. Do you like parties?

FACEBOOKSure. I love them. My family always has a great part in the summer four our friends.

MSN laughs rudely.

GOOGLE-SENPAIHeh. No. Not a neighborhood shin dig. More like a soiree? According to our Treasurer the enchanting miss eBay we need to raise some funds if we want to make the school trip happen.

FACEBOOKOh I see. How can I help?

GOOGLE-SENPAIWell ideally you could manage this whole thing on your own.

FACEBOOKOn my own?

GOOGLE-SENPAIYes. We’re too busy visiting colleges and taking entrance exams now with the end of the year coming.



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It’s time you stood on your own two feet. You’ll be taking my place soon enough.

FACEBOOKSure that makes sense.

GOOGLE-SENPAIGreat that’s all we needed to tell you.

FACEBOOK bows curtly and turns to leave.


FACEBOOKYes, eBay-Senpai?

EBAY-SENPAIWhat happened to your leg.

FACEBOOKAh. Just a scuffle.

EBAY-SENPAIWas it Myspace?

FACEBOOK is quiet.

EBAY-SENPAI (CONT’D)(In a sing-song manner)

Thought so.

FACEBOOK bows again and leaves.


TUMBLR-TAN is walking her bike down the street. She grumbles and looks irritated.

TUMBLR-TANLet’s go to the candy store she says! How about let’s back da heck up?! My hair is ruined. I told her not to blow bubbles while I was pedalling.

TUMBLR-TAN picks at the pink stick mess trapped in her hair.



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TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)And Dad’s gonna kill me for getting a flat tire. Stupid girl. If she wasn’t Facebook’s sister I wouldaschooled her ass. Yeah. 7 years olds don’t know jack squat bout pain. Yeah.

TUMBLR-TAN pulls into her drive way. GREEN MAN stands on top of the roof of her home. She doesn’t notice him.

GREEN MANHello again, Tumblr-tan.

TUMBLR-TANI’m not in the mood pervert.

GREEN MANBut aren’t you dying to know who I am?

TUMBLR-TANOkay, who are you?


TUMBLR-TANGet off of my roof, d-bag.

GREEN MANI have an important message for you.

TUMBLR-TANCan I tell you something first though?



TUMBLR-TAN begins throwing rocks at him. He dodges each one just barely. The last rock crashes through a window.

ANONYMOUSNice arm, Tumblr-tan.

TUMBLR-TANThat was my bathroom window. I poop in there. Now where am I gonna poop tonight? You’re paying to fix that.


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ANONYMOUSJust bill it to “Anonymous, P.O. Box 1111”

TUMBLR-TAN tosses her bike at him. He jumps off the roof and rolls into the bushes.

ANONYMOUS (CONT’D)Meet me in the park at 3am for the message.


Tumblr-tan storms into the house. She hops on her laptop and checks her Tumblr. There’s a knock on her window. She goes over and opens it. ANONYMOUS is there hovering.

TUMBLR-TAN (CONT’D)I’m gonna break your legs tomorrow. Be ready, pervert.

She shoves him away and slams the window. He falls back into the bushes. ANONYMOUS calls out to the window.

ANONYMOUSI think I love you!

The window slides open again. It starts raining books and furniture down upon ANONYMOUS.