turning your hopes into reality · to success chellemcquaid module 2 | training 3 turning your...

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module 2 | training 3Turning Your Hopes Into Reality

1.

Hello, there, it’s Michelle McQuaid here and welcome to the third and �nal training in our

second module “Turning Your Hopes Into Reality”. In our last session together you got

a little clearer on the purpose for which you want to use your strengths and met your

best possible future self. Did you meet someone who you feel proud of the opportunity

to be, who you’re excited for the journey that’s about to start unfolding, and who you

feel is within reach – slightly out of grasp at the moment, but absolutely a possibility?

You’ll want your notes from “Your Best Possible Future Self” for today’s activities.

Remember how you think about the future determines how well you live your life today.

With these new possibilities of a strengths-fueled future awakened, today we’re going to

�gure out how to get from where you are right now to where you want to be.

Here’s what we’ll cover today:

While 89% of us believe tomorrow will be better than today, only 50% of us believe we

can make it so. Scientists de�ne the �rst belief as wishing – we wish tomorrow will be

better than today – and the second belief as hoping – we believe it is within our power

to make things happen. When hoping we feel compelled to act, to move from where

we are to where we want to be with high expectations of the future and a realistic view

of the obstacles we may need to overcome. When wishing, however, we take a more

passive role making it less likely we’ll reach our longed-for goals.

Ready to play?

• The three little-known steps that will turn your best possible future self hopes

into your reality

• How your beliefs shape your success

• Your personal busy-proof map to move you from where you are right to where you

want to be Ready to play?

What are you hoping for?

So how we do ensure your best possible future self is grounded in active hope rather

passive wishes?

To start it’s important to understand that the way from the present – where you are now –

to the future – where you want to be – is rarely a straight line and almost never one single

line. Hopeful people believe that there are many paths to their goals and that none of

them are free of obstacles. This frees you to experiment with multiple strategies toward

your goals, helps keep you realistic so you plan for dif�culties, setbacks and

disappointments, and ensures your resilience because if one path is closed, you know

another can be cleared. The work of your head and heart: hope happens when your

rational self meets your emotional self as it did in the best possible future self exercise.

Shane Lopez, the world’s leading researcher on hope describes it like this: “Hope is

created moment by moment through our deliberate choices. It happens when we use

our thoughts and feelings to temper our aversion to loss and actively pursue what is

possible. When we choose hope, we de�ne what matters to us most.”

Lopez explains that researchers have discovered these beliefs come together in a

three-part process that carries us to a better future:



2.

• Firstly, “want to” goals that identify where we want to go, what we want to

accomplish, and who we want to be. Hope is built from the goals that matter most

to us, that we come back to again and again, and that �ll our minds with pictures

of the future.

• Secondly, we seek out and identify multiple pathways to our goals, pick the most

appropriate routes for our situation, and monitor our progress over time. These are

the plans that carry us forward, whilst we remain realistic about the obstacles that

may arise and open to �nding better paths to our desired future. They’re often

described as way power because they help us �nd our way forward.

How does hope happen?

Each of these parts works as a continuous feedback loop, setting the next part in motion

and forming a cycle that enhances hope. In the sweet spot of this cycle, we listen to our

desires and dreams because they tell us who we are, and we notice the strengths we

have that others might miss. We believe in our ability to make the future better than the

present, while at the same time we recognize the limits of our control. We devote time

and effort to the strengths we need to develop. We understand the difference between

helpful critiques and challenges and negativity that creates doubt and saps our energy.

Why bother? Well, studies of hope suggest that how we think about the future is a key

determinant of success in school, work, and life. Other conditions being equal, it appears

hope leads to a 14% bump in workplace outcomes, and a 10% happiness boost for

hopeful people. Speci�cally, hope enables us to show up, to be more productive, to boost

our wellbeing, to cultivate more meaning in our lives and to enjoy better health. It helps to

focus us on our long-term goals so we can make better short-term choices and regulate

our behaviors. It energizes us to make things happen.

Studies have found hope is not a psychological silver spoon or a by-product of our IQ;

rather, it comes from our energy and excitement about what's next. This is why Stanford

psychologist Professor Carol Dweck has found that when it comes to success, more

important than believing in our abilities is the belief we can improve our abilities.



3.

• Finally, “agency” which is our perceived ability to shape our lives day to day.

As “agents” in our own lives we know we can make things happen – or stop things

happening – and we take responsibility for moving toward our goals and build our

capacity for persistence and long-term effort. Agency makes us the authors of our

lives. It’s often described as willpower as it helps us �nd the will to make our hopes

a reality.

Have you set your mind to hope?

Dweck found that there are two possible ways to think about the future and the

likelihood that we will show up, shine, and succeed. “Mindset” is how she describes

these beliefs. To see what mindset you hold and how this impacts your levels of hope

make a note if you’ve experienced any of these feelings about your work:

When we believe that things like our talent and intelligence are largely �xed and there’s

not much we can do to improve upon them, these are the feelings we tend to exhibit.

Our belief that we are born “clever” or “dumb,” “sporty” or “un-coordinated,” “gifted” or

“ordinary,” “winners” or “losers,” causes us to focus on outcomes as the true measure

of a person, rather than the efforts that we make. Dweck calls this a “�xed mindset.”

This doesn’t mean you can’t achieve great things. Type A personalities who pride

themselves on being perceived as "experts" to reassure themselves of their value, often

demonstrate this mindset. And I was one of them for most of my career. I didn’t do too

badly, managing to become global brand manager for one of the world’s largest �rms,

but I was constantly anxious and stressed out. I was like that duck gliding over the water,

looking calm and serene on top and underneath paddling for my life due to the constant

fear that any day everyone would discover I wasn’t as good as they thought.

• Anxiety at taking on new challenges or roles for fear you won’t be good enough

to deliver the desired results and revealed as the imposter you are

• Pain – emotionally or physically – when hearing negative feedback about yourself

because you’re not sure you can do any better

• Dread at your mistakes being discovered because you worry failure will be fatal

to your career

• Desire to control as much as you possibly can to ensure your work is successful

• Obsessive drive to achieve the required outcomes because this is the only real

measure of success



4.

• Hope and excitement at taking on a new challenge because of the opportunity

for growth and development

• Curiosity when listening to critical feedback about yourself to discover what you

can do to improve and get better

• Willingness to take responsibility for your failures because you accept that getting

things wrong sometimes is a natural part of learning

• Courage to keep showing up and trying because this is what counts when it comes

to success



5.

The problem Dweck has found is the constant stress and anxiety both success and

failure create for people with a �xed mindset eventually causes us to plateau and fall

short of reaching our true potential. Why? Well, if you have a �xed mindset, you are

less hopeful about the future. You have an upper limit, and there’s nothing you can do

to change it, so why try? You’re more likely to miss cues about where you need to make

more effort or develop your strengths to move ahead. And when you strike obstacles

you’re more likely to give up feeling helpless and hopeless that you simply don’t have

the resources required.

But perhaps you’ve also experienced some of these other feelings about your work –

again make a note of any that ring true to you as we go and don't feel dismayed if you

�nd you’ve noted things from both lists:

When we believe our talent and intelligence can be built up with practice to a point of

mastery, these are the feelings we tend to exhibit. As a result, rather than obsessing

about outcomes, we focus more on effort and learning as the true measure of a person.

Dweck calls this a “growth mindset.”



6.

Her research suggests this mindset in�uences our ability to set goals, to seek help, to

be motivated to achieve what matters most to us, and ultimately determines our levels

of self-belief, the outcomes we achieve and our wellbeing. It sparks hope by helping us

to feel like we have nothing to lose – and much to gain – if we try new ways to reach our

goals. Your inner voices says, “No matter what I start with, I can develop or �nd the

resources I need as challenges pop up.” It helps you to move beyond your present

limitations so you can reach ever-higher levels of success.

I think when it comes to growth mindset, perhaps Edison is the poster child with his

wonderful quote that he didn’t fail, he just found 10,000 ways that the light bulb didn’t

work before he got his answer.

Once I started to learn how to switch my mindset, which I’ll show you in a moment, things

became a lot easier and a lot less stressful. Instead of being �xated on the outcomes, I

was happy to take on projects even if I didn’t know if I could pull it off, just for the learning

opportunities that might come. When I did fail, rather than feeling it was fatal, I saw that

it was part of my growth and learning, and to succeed, I needed to be willing to show up

rather than to try to control things that were often outside of my control anyway.

When I was in this mindset, not only did life become less stressful, but I was able to go on

and do things in my role I never would have otherwise done. I got promoted to the top of

my �eld without ever having to ask for it. When I was ready to leave my organization, I

was able to negotiate my own terms of exit, and for the past 18 months I’ve run my own

business in what’s arguably one of the toughest economies we’ve ever been in. And I

couldn’t have done that in my �xed mindset. The stress would have killed me.

Now you may have found you experience feelings that indicate both and �xed and

growth mindset. Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with you! For most of us these

mindsets are not black and white. For example, you might �nd that sometimes at

home you’re in a �xed mindset, whereas at work, you’re very growth mindset. I still �nd

different topics can �ip me one way or the other. When it comes to money, I’m still a bit

more �xed mindset, whereas when it comes to learning new things around positive

psychology, I’m very growth mindset in my approach. What matters is that you start

tuning into the stories you’re telling yourself about your abilities and whether this is

helping you or holding you back from showing up, shining, and succeeding in the

ways you want.

So remember hope – that belief that tomorrow will be better than today and that we

can make it so – starts with a “want to” goal to turn your strengths-fueled best possible

future self into a reality. To set this goal it helps to have your growth mindset �rmly

engaged and focus on the experiences you want to be having at work, rather than just

the outcomes you want to be achieving.

Now if you �nd fear starting to creep into your stories as your try to set your goals – fear

about whether you’ll be good enough to see this goal through, about what might happen

if you fail or if others don’t like what you want to do – be sure to stop and ask yourself:

“Is that true?”

You see, our brains are sense-making machines. We love it when all the pieces of the

puzzle �t together. One of the ways that we try to make sense of what might happen is

to tell ourselves stories by asking “Why is this happening?” and “What will happen next?”.

And these stories weave a powerful magic because they shape our thoughts, feelings,

and behaviors.



7.

Can you set growth mindset goals to guide your hopes?

Now here’s the thing: although sometimes these stories are completely accurate,

most of the time they’re not.

You see, when our �xed mindset sparks fear about our limitations, it’s like we have

blinders on and can only see the most obvious options of what is likely to go wrong.

In contrast, when we challenge these fears by asking “Is that that true? Is that the only

explanation for why this is happening and what might happen next?” we’re able to look

for alternative stories of learning and growth that allow our growth mindset to spark

hope about the possibilities, �re up our creativity, and broaden our thinking.

For example, rather than just accepting a �xed mindset story, like I’m not really good

enough to take on that new project at work, we can challenge that story by asking:

“Is that true?”

Is “I’m not good enough” the only explanation of what might happen as I take this project

on? Or perhaps, might there be a great team around me who I can learn something new

from and together we’ll be able to achieve this goal? And maybe, even if I don't deliver

every outcome, this could be a great experience for me to have. And who knows, I may

even surprise myself and pull it off!

As you begin to challenge your stories, you’ll notice that the way you feel starts to shift

with each story that you create, and the “want to” goal you’re willing to set yourself on

the other side of these stories and the actions you’re willing to take also starts to change.

By challenging your stories, you gain the power to choose goals that will guide your

strengths-fueled best possible self forward in ways that will serve you best in different

situations, for the outcomes you want. So as you take the �rst step towards creating

hope be sure to choose goals that free you in the here and now so you can enjoy the

journey, and not just the result. To choose purpose goals of growth, connection, and

contribution that don't restrict you or hang over your head, but liberate you to �nd the

golden mean of your strengths at work regularly and realize your best possible future self.



8.

Can you find pathways to put your hopes into action?



9.

It also helps to be really speci�c. Don’t settle for “I want to use my strengths more at

work.” Which strengths do you want to be using? What do you want to use them for?

How do you want it to feel? What do you want to achieve? Good goals are like looking

through a pair of binoculars: they make fuzzy distant objects much clearer.

You will also boost your energy if you can state your goals positively so that it adds to

your life rather than subtracts from it. “I want to stop doing work I don’t enjoy” is clear

enough, but its negative focus will make it hard to �nd energizing pathways. “I want to

use my strength of curiosity to learn one new thing each day in my work” is an additive

goal that creates positive behaviors to make your work more enjoyable.

Think of it like this. Mother Theresa once famously said: “I was once asked why I don't

participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you

have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.” It helps to be clear on what your �ghting for, rather

than what you’re �ghting against.

So if there is one goal you would be most excited about when you look at what you

captured in your strengths-fueled best possible self, what would it be? I �nd it’s best

to work on one big goal at a time, but it should be one you care about deeply, that

develops your strengths and that aligns with your sense of purpose. For example, mine

might be: “I want to blend science, play, and kindness to teach women how to be more

positive, authentic leaders by creating an online program they love that delivers positive

differences and connects them to a supportive community.”

At its best hope has a healthy respect for the past and a passion for the future. Luckily,

when it comes to the second step towards hope of �nding pathways forward these

become plentiful when we right-size the risks in our lives so fear doesn’t dampen our

creativity. Once you’re clear on what your goal is the next step is to shrink it down into

smaller, more manageable, concrete steps that can use your strengths and build your

con�dence. Think about the where, when, and how of these steps so you know exactly

what it is you need to be doing.



10.

It also helps if you can think about which aspects of your goal you have control over and

which ones you don’t. Some things will be very much in your control and some things are

going to take a bit of luck, some good timing, and possibly some unexpected support

along the way to really pull it off. Make sure that you’re investing your efforts where

they’re going to have the most impact and try to let go of the rest. Again, you’ll �nd that

growth mindset really helps with this step.

Finally it’s worth having a plan A, B, and even C so if you encounter insurmountable

obstacles you can come up with alternative pathways rather than forgoing your goal.

You see, your brain is constantly creating and revising mental maps to help you navigate

your way through the world. They start with an “I Am Here” point (the status quo), from

which a variety of paths radiate outward. Now the number of pathways will depend on

the complexity of the decision, and the clarity of your thinking at the moment. But studies

�nd the most successful decisions come when we are thinking clearly and creatively

enough to recognize all the paths available to us.

If I’m struggling to �nd different pathways I often use the exercise of sentence stem

completion by tapping into my hidden wisdom and simply trying to grammatically

complete the statement: “To move 5% closer to this goal I could …” You want to try to

generate at around six to ten answers to this statement so you move beyond the obvious

conscious choices and tap into your unconscious creativity. You can even complete this

exercise over a number of days before �nally reviewing your answers and determining

which pathways are the most viable.

The good news is Plan B’ing is made stronger with practice so think about the goal you

chose earlier: What are the small, manageable steps you can take that are within your

control to attain it? That’s Plan A. What’s Plan B? And C? Are these the best plans you

can think of? Do they leverage your strengths?

Can you find the agency to make your hopes a reality?



11.

For example, to achieve the goal I set earlier, pathway A might be to use my strengths

of Curiosity and Strategy to continue playing each Monday with best practices to teach

online and deliver lasting positive differences. Pathway B might be to use my Activate

and Creativity strengths to deliver an online program people will love by July. And

pathway C might be to use my In�uence and Gratitude strengths for 11 minutes each

day to nurture the community I’m building through social media. Now, the 11 minutes

will make more sense in our next module, but for now, what I’m trying to do is be

speci�c about the what, the where, the how, and the when of these pathways to make

it easier for me to know what it is I need to be doing next.

So how will you follow through on the pathways you’ve chosen? How can you take that

last step towards hope and begin taking action? Of course, by and large we have nothing

but good intentions. We want to pursue the goals that are in our best interest, and yet

we’re prone to fatigue and distraction that make it dif�cult to initiate the pathways we’ve

chosen or to maintain our focus.

The good news is studies suggest we’re far more successful at following through on the

pathways we’ve chosen if we plan for the obstacles up front. This way they don’t throw

you into such disarray and undermine all your efforts and your attention and willpower

remain focused on reaching your long-term goal.

It’s also important to enlist your friends to encourage you, support you, and hold you

accountable to your goal. Now these could be colleagues at work, or friends, or family

at home. But by sharing your goals with someone and asking them to be your backup

or to be your cheer squad, it’s going to make that goal much more achievable, particularly

when the challenges hit.

Finally, achieving any goal requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress and

celebration along the way.

Ready to put it to the test?



12.

Focus on those little milestones and use them as a way to check in on how you’re doing

and to celebrate the progress that you’re making to keep yourself motivated and inspired

to move forward to that place where you can truly show up and shine in your work.

So what can you do to ensure you maintain your motivation and willpower to follow your

plans through and reach your strengths-fueled future? What obstacles might you face?

Who will support you? How will you measure your progress?

For example, some of the obstacles I’m likely to encounter on my chosen pathways are

�nding the money to afford ongoing training opportunities to understand the best

methods for online delivery, using my time and the time of my team to effectively deliver

so we don’t over-bake or under-bake the results and overcoming my introverted nature

that has me telling stories about my ability to build communities successfully. I can

buddy up with my friend who is on a similar journey and I’ve recruited a great team who

I love working with on this project. We have a weekly work-in-progress meeting to hold

us accountable, to track our progress, and celebrate the changes we’re creating. And

to savor people’s expressions of gratitude for what I’m putting into the world.

Below this video you’ll �nd a play sheet titled “My Hope Map” to guide you through

these steps. Again, listen to the instructions �rst and the examples, and then at the end

of this session, go on to complete this play sheet while it’s all still fresh in your mind.

Based on all you’ve learnt and started to think about today, I’m going to get you to write

down one want-to goal that you’d like to pursue over the next six months to help you to

truly show up, shine, and succeed in your work and start making your best possible

future self a reality. You’ll put this in the far column of the play sheet. Now, I know you

might have way more than just one goal, but for the sake of this exercise, let’s just start

with one that’s really important to you. Think about how to make it clear, aligned with

your purpose, and helping you develop your strengths.

For example …



13.

Once you’ve got your goal, I want you to continue exploring at least three pathways –

Plan A, B, and C – that you can use your strengths and your talents to help you achieve

the goal. You’ll put these on the opposite side of the play sheet. Now again, you might

have more than three pathways and that’s �ne. For the �rst time through this exercise,

three is probably going to be enough to get you started. When you get the hang of using

this tool, then you can expand it as you need to as the journey unfolds.

Then I want you to think about what the obstacles are that you may encounter for each

of the pathways. You’ll put these in the middle column of the play sheet. Remember, the

more prepared we are for the obstacles upfront, the more likely we are to reach our goals.

Then �nally, jot down what you can do to maintain your energy as you move through these

steps and how you’ll celebrate as you go. You’ll put these around the edges of the play

sheet. Again, think about how your strengths might be able to help you in this stage.

This is what a hope map looks like. At the far side of the page there, you can see the goal

that I’ve set earlier: to blend science, play, and kindness to teach women how to be

positive, authentic leaders by creating an online program people love that delivers positive

differences, and connects them to a supportive community.

In order to achieve this goal, at the other end of the page you can see I’ve identi�ed the

three pathways, three steps I can take to start moving forward towards this outcome.

Pathway A to use my strengths of Curiosity and Strategy to continue playing each Monday

with best practices to teach online and deliver lasting positive differences. Pathway B

might be to use my Activate and Creativity strengths to deliver an online program people

will love by July. And pathway C to use my In�uence and Gratitude strengths for 11

minutes each day to nurture the community I’m building through social media.

• I’ve set aside a monthly training budget so I can keep learning from the world’s

leading teachers in the online space.

• I’ll buddy up with someone to share my journey. And I’m truly blessed I have a

great friend who’s on a very similar journey to me, and without her I think I’d lose

my mind plenty of times. And we’re a great support for each other every week,

sometimes every day, as we travel through these changes.

• I’ve recruited a great team to help me execute this project. And I love collaborating

and learning from these amazing colleagues. We have a weekly work-in-progress

meeting to hold us accountable, to track our progress, and celebrate the changes

we’re creating.

• And then finally, to keep people’s gratitude notes. I’m blessed enough to get all

sorts of emails, and texts messages, and phone calls from people thanking me for

some of the teachings that I’ve shared. So I’m going to keep these where I can see

them easily to remember why I’m doing this and that what I’m doing is valued and

appreciated.



14.

In the middle of my map there, you can see I’ve identi�ed the obstacles for each of

those pathways, things like affording the right training opportunities so that I can make

sure that I’m continuing to learn those best practices, using my time and the time of my

team effectively to deliver the outcomes that I want, rather than getting sucked in to

making things bigger than they need to be, and �nally, being too introverted to reach

out to people and share my warmth.

Then around the edge of my hope map I’ve identi�ed my willpower, the things that I can

do to maintain my motivation and keep moving forward:

So this is an example of what a hope map might look like, and in your play sheet you’ll

�nd this exact template for you to create your own hope map. Now, as I mentioned, you

might use this template to do it for multiple goals over time. But for this exercise, just

start with one goal while we’re getting the hang of it.

What have we learnt today?

Take action now



15.

While 89% of us believe tomorrow will be better than today, only 50% of us believe we

can make it so. This is the difference between wishing and hoping and we want to ensure

your best possible future self is �rmly grounded in hope so you can from where you are to

where you want to be.

The work of our head and our heart, hope is a three-part process that comprises “want to”

goals, multiple pathways that create the way power to move us forward, and the agency

to make things happen so we have the willpower to reach our goals.

When it comes to setting our goals more important than believing in our abilities is having

the growth mindset to believe we can improve our abilities.

Practicing Plan-B thinking helps us identify multiple pathways to reach our goals so we can

show up, shine, and succeed at what matters most.

Planning for obstacles up front, ensuring we have people to support us and creating ways

to measure and celebrate our progress gives us the willpower to reach our goals.

So knowing without doing is a waste of your time and I know you’re too busy for that, no

matter how hopeful you might be feeling right now. So I want you to complete the ‘My

Hope Map’ Play Sheet.

And if there are other ways you’d like to bring your hopes to life, once you’ve completed

the map, then please feel free to explore them. You might want to use image maps,

mind maps, project plans, or Excel �les, depending on what engages your strengths best.

Again, there are some fun goal-setting smart phone apps under the resources section on

the member site if you’d like to try them.



16.

The more detailed and tangible your Hope Map to show up, shine, and succeed then the

better it’ll be. In the �rst instance, start with the template on the play sheet and then you

can expand it from there.

Thank you so much for joining me for this training. Until next time, take care.

turning your hopes into reality · to success chellemcquaid module 2 | training 3 turning your...

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