Page 2 March, 2014 Texas Twister

“Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

–Mark Twain

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A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,”Why did you cut off the end of the ham”? And she replied ,”I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.” Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied,”I really don’t know, but that’s the way my mom always did it.” A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, “Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?” Hergrandmotherreplied,”Welldear,otherwiseitwouldneverfitinmy baking pan.”***** A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that wom-en use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat or explain everything they say. He replied, “What do you mean?”***** Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils:

People who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.

Finally! The Guys’ Side of the StoryWe always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 2. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 4. Crying is blackmail. 5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Ob-vious hints do not work! Just say it! 6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question 7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solv-ing it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girl-friends are for. 8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 10. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. 11. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. 12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Au-bergine is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is. 17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 18. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 19. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. 20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything youwearisfine...Really.21. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shot-gun formation, or monster trucks. 22. You have enough clothes. 23. You have too many shoes. 24.Iaminshape.Roundisashape.25. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

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903-883-5263 March, 2014 Page 5

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest, and only whispering...And if there is no woman around to interrupt him...is he still wrong?

*****Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday..A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles.” “Shedid,”hereplied.“ButwherewasIgonnafindafakeJeep?”

*****There are three ways to get something done:1. Do it yourself2. Hire someone to do it3. Forbid your children to do it.

WHY DO WE SAY?Limelight Thomas Drummond in 1816 devised a lighting

source for theatres. It was a cylinder of lime heated by

anincandescenceflameandplacedbehinda lensor in

frontofareflector.These“limelights”wereverybright.

Thus the star performer was very visible as long as he

stood in it. Soon, actors were competing to be in the eas-

ily seen limelight. And so any location where many can

see you today is called being in the limelight.

Axe to Grind Benjamin Franklin published a lot of stories, one

of which he was the central character. Franklin was ap-

proached by a stranger who stopped to admire the family

grindstone. He asked to be shown how it worked and

offered Ben Franklin an ax to demonstrate. Once his ax

was sharp the stranger walked off laughing. Today “hav-

inganaxtogrind”meansthatsomeonehasaselfishor

mean motive behind their actions. It also means to have

a grudge or dispute with someone in which that person

seeks some confrontation, justice or reciprocated action.

This can be openly known or a hidden agenda, also.

Jaywalker Jay Birds who ventured out of their rural forests

and into the urban areas often got confused. They often

endangered their lives walking anywhere where they

wanted,includingintotraffic.Sophisticatedcitypeople

laughed at their erratic behavior. So, now anyone who

crosses the street in a reckless or illegal way is called a

JayWalker(andsometimesfined).

No Spring Chicken New England chicken farmers discovered that

chickens born in the Spring bought better prices, rath-

er than old birds that had gone through the winter etc.

Sometimes farmers tried to sell the old birds as a new

spring born chicken. Smart buyers often complained that

a tough fowl was “no spring chicken” and so the term

now is used to represent birds (and even people) past

their plump and tender years.

Break the Ice All cities that grew as a result of being on riv-

ers (for trade) suffered during bitter cold times when

the river froze. Even large ships got stuck, making them

icebound for weeks. Little small sturdy ships known as

“icebreakers” were develop to precede the ships breaking

ice and making a path. This was important for the ships to

get the goods to market. And so every boatman knew that

inordertogetdowntobusiness,youfirsthadtobreakthe

ice. Today it represents any sort of start to a project.

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THE SCOOP ON WISDOM TEETH!By Ginger Lane

MysonJesshasbeenfightinghisfearofgettinga tooth pulled and living in pain for several years. Yes, my big strong son, who will be 30 years old this year, has suffered many a day just to put off a visit to the dentist. It’s only about one inch tall and one quarter of an inch round. It’s a tiny thing that can bring the biggest man to his knees and a mother to tears for her child, no matter how old the child is. It’s a wisdom tooth. So, my editor, Sandee Farmer and I were talk-ing about his latest episode of dealing with a tremendous amount of pain. I bragged that I was blessed with no wis-dom teeth at all, and she told me that she had 6! But, she also went on to say that since she had six wisdom teeth and I had none, well, then that must mean that she is smarter than me because she had more wisdom teeth. I’m thinking that can’t be right. I mean it can be, and it is (not thatIwouldreadilyadmitittoher),butifthatistrue,thenhaving no wisdom teeth at all means I’m at the bottom of the food chain for brains! Why do they call them wisdom teeth anyway? As old as I am, I had never wondered about it and having bragged all my life that I had none, I thought it might be

time to do some investigation. Although formally known as third molars, the common name is wisdom teeth because they appear so late – much later than the other teeth, at an age where people are presumably “wiser” than as a child, when the otherteetherupt.Awisdomtooth(orthirdmolar),refersto one of the four molars in humans. Wisdom teeth gener-ally appear between the ages of 17 and 25. Most adults have four wisdom teeth, but it is possible to have fewer or more, in which case the extras are called supernumerary teeth. Wisdom teeth commonly affect other teeth as they develop, becoming impacted or “coming in sideways.” They are often extracted when this occurs.Wikipedia.orgIn conclusion: My brave son Jesse broke down (after about 4 years) and visitedDr.Hamil and his team at ParkwayDental. They had him in and out in record time and did a great job for him. He is now on his way to being pain free. And, Sandee, just so you know, just because you had 6 wisdom teeth and I had none does not measure my smarts! However, I’m now a bit more curious about my heritage since also according to Wikipedia.org… The formation of wisdom teeth differs by population, ranging from practically zero in Tasmanian Aborigines to nearly 100% in indigenous Mexicans.TasmanianAborigines?Really? Note from Sandee, the ‘wise one’, to Ginger, ‘the possible Tasmanian Aborigine’: You conveniently left out the article that I sent to you; therefore, I’m attaching a pertinent portion of it: Please pay particular attention to the FIRST sentence! LOL Lately, science has added some credence to the idea that the third molar does indeed erupt when a person is“wiser”.Recentresearchhasshownthebraincontin-ues to grow and develop right on through adolescence: in fact, most researchers believe the brain does not reach full maturity until the age of 25. Perhaps, then, our ances-tors weren’t so far off the mark — that the eruption of “wisdom teeth” is a sign that the carefree days of child-hood have given way to the responsibilities of adulthood.See more at: http://www.deardoctor.com/dentistry/blog/why-are-they-called-wisdom-teeth#sthash.LZNVXxiS.dpuf

903-883-5263 March, 2014 Page 7

Page 8 March, 2014 Texas TwisterAn Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?” “Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” Slurs the drunk. “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.” “I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile. “Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car” “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”********************************************************************Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”. “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?” “That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda.” There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...” “Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.” “I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.

“How did it happen, Tim?”“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”“Well, Brenda... No. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”

Page 10 March, 2014 Texas TwisterMary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?” She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.” The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last re-quests?” She says, “That he did, Father.”

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary? “ She says, he said, ‘Please Mary, put down that darn gun...’

*****A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, “ain’t no use knockin, there’s no paper on this side either!

*****The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical,sothefirstthingthedoctordidwastoaskwhetheranythingwastroublinghim. “Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,” answered the patient. “You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?” The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, “Pay me in ad-vance.”

903-883-5263 March, 2014 Page 11

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Reportersinterviewinga104-year-oldwoman:‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked... She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

*****The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun findingthem.

*****I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject toblackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

*****Anelderlywomandecidedtoprepareherwillandtoldherpreachershehadtwofinalrequests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart ‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed. ‘Why Wal-Mart?’ ‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week’

*****Know how to prevent sagging? Justeattillthewrinklesfillout.

*****It’s scary when you tart making the same noises as your coffee maker.

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903-883-5263 March, 2014 Page 13

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Answers on Page 20

20

Children Are Quick TEACHER:Whyareyoulate?STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

*****TEACHER:John,whyareyoudoingyourmathmultipli-cationonthefloor?JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

*****TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’GLENN:K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’TEACHER:No,that’swrongGLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

*****TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula forwater?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER:Whatareyoutalkingabout?DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

*****TEACHER:Winnie,nameoneimportantthingwehavetoday that we didn’t have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!

*****TEACHER:Glen,whydoyoualwaysgetsodirty?GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

*****TEACHER:Millie,givemeasentencestartingwith‘I.‘MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER:No,Millie.....Alwayssay,‘Iam.’MILLIE: All right... ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’

*****

TEACHER:GeorgeWashingtonnotonlychoppeddownhis father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand......

*****TEACHER:Now, Simon , tellme frankly, do you sayprayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

*****TEACHER:Clyde,yourcompositionon‘MyDog’isex-actly the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.

*****TEACHER:Harold,whatdoyoucallapersonwhokeepson talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD:Ateacher

Page 16 March, 2014 Texas Twister

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The Caddo Mills Education Foundation gave away nearly $34,000 in grant money for innovative grants for the classroom.

The Caddo Mills ISD Board Members were honored with a dinner pro-

vided by the FCCLA under the direction of their teacher, Debbie Cox.

Entertainment was provided by High School, The Collective Confusion.

MiddleSchool,LeeandGriffisElementarySchoolprovidedeachBoard

Member with a Foxes pullover windbreaker and a Fox Card.

Board Members are from left to right:

Keith Hopkins, G.T. Parsons, Patsy Locker, Tod McMahan, Stacy

Plasek, Wes Ferrell, and Jeremy Coddington.

CX Debate Team competed at the District Meet last week in Sunnyvale. 1st Place and advancing to the state meet are the team of Cody Damon and Aryn Walker. 2nd Place and advancing to the state meet are Jake Woodruff and Sarah Wilborn. 3rd place was Jett Johnson and Chandler O’Leary and 4th was Kaitlyn Clements and Emily McMahan. Jett John-son was top speaker for the day. Congratulations to Mr. Mattis and his team.

903-883-5263 March, 2014 Page 19

QUINLAN FORD HS 2ND YEAR ROCKETRY PROGRAM TAKES-OFF

Students Set New Goal of the One-Mile Mark by Justin

Bucholtz

The phrase, “It’s not rocket science,” is taking on a whole new meaning for a group of Quinlan Ford High School students. According to junior Justin Bu-choltz, “We’re getting a taste of what it’s actually like to bearocketscientist.” The2013-2014Rocketry1classhas been preparing to walk on the launch pad and show-case their rocket making skills. Bucholtz adds, “In an epic slow motion group shot (because every astronaut movieneedsone),thirteenbravestudentsarereachingforthe Heavens.” Four generations of rockets have already lifted-off from the FHS pad this year. “We’ve seen both success and failure, and met them head-on with excite-ment and creative solutions. We’ve learned all about bal-ancingarocketandmakingsureitfliesstraight,aswellasotherflightprincipals,”saidBucholtz.

According to teacher John Herriage, “Students have already shot for the 1800 vertical-foot mark. Now they’ve set a new goal: an entire one-mile vertical-foot mark. Plans are being made to participate in the Systems Go End of the Year Launch in Fredericksburg, Texas. In order to participate, the rocket needs to be under ten feet long and between four to six inches in diameter. It must haveaflightcomputertocontrolcertaininflightaspectsand carry a one pound payload, ultimately reaching a height of one mile. After the rocket goes up, the students must be able to recover it when it comes back down.” “The class has divided into teams dedicated to different parts of the rocket, such as the body, nose and finteams.Notonlyhavetheylearnedimportantdesignand engineering concepts as part of the program, but they also have a chance to learn communication, leadership and presentation skills,” said Herriage.“There’s a lot to take care of to be successful, but don’t worry, we haven’t been sent into deep water without a beacon. Mr. Herriage, has been there to offer a guiding hand, while allowing us to remain in direct control of ev-erything,” said Bucholtz. For more information about the rocketry program at FHS, please email john.herriage@quinlandid.net.

*********

FORD HS ADVANCES 15 BAND MEM-BERS TO STATE SOLO AND ENSEMBLE

CONTESTS Members of the FHS Panther Band competed in theRegion3UILSoloandEnsembleContestrecentlyatMesquite High School. Fifteen members of the band pre-pared and performed a solo and/or ensemble for a judge at the regional contest to gain advancement to the Texas State UIL Solo and Ensemble Contest. Three students gained advancementintwoeventsthatwerecertifiedfortheUILState Contest. These students had to meet the criteria of performingaClassIsolo(memorized)orensembleandearn a Division I from the judge to advance. According to FHSDirectorofFineArts/Bands,“Thisisaverydifficultprocess to go through and the students cannot receive any help from a director at the contest. Earning a Division

I or Superior rating means the students performed their selections with minimal to no intonation issues, tempo is-sues or rhythm issues. The students have to work together to perform their selections with appropriate and matching styles, articulations and musical nuances. The following students exceeded the UIL crite-ria for advancement to the Texas State UIL Solo and En-semble Contest in Austin, Texas, on May 24, 2014: Lindsey Bremer, William Brown, Nick Her-nandez, Nolverto Huerta, Alex Knight, TJ Landess, Jus-tin McCloskey, Adam Myers, Billy Pritchett, Heaven Reeves,ShannonSutton(Advancedonafluteensembleandpercussionensemble),VanessaTudor,LenoraWill-man (Advanced on a solo and ensemble), EvanWolfe(Advancedonasoloandensemble)andKristenWolfe In addition to those students who advanced to the state level contest, Quinlan-Ford band students ex-celled in other parts of the contest. Students Earning a DivisionIorSuperiorRating,include:CourtneyCarrol,DaneLawtonandLeviReevesStudentsEarning aDivision II orExcellentRating, in-clude:Adam Al-Sherifi, Kaitlyn Ard, Jessica Baker, FabiolaCeballos, Haylee Colgrove, Makayla Collins, Cheyenne Cooper, Hunter Cummings, Katy Dehuma, Sam Gradi-naru, Stefani Gradinaru, Cody Harris, Nick Hernandez, Nolverto Huerta, Jessica Jones, Amanda Kerr, John Kizer, Dillon Morton, Adam Myers, Hunter Pritchett, Heaven Reeves,KelseySanderfer,DeannaTucker,BrookeWe-senberg, Charles Willman, Justina Williams, Taylor Wil-son and Lillian Wright

Page 20 March, 2014 Texas Twister

Howdy Texas Twister Fans, Sure hope you have been enjoying this nice warmer weather. For me, I can’t wait till Spring when everything starts to bloom and we start getting our garden ready for planting. We have Daylight savings on the 9 th, so don’t forget to Spring Forward and Spring starts this month also. Oh, and I want to wish my dear husband a Happy 40th Anniversary as well as our son and daughter-in-law, I think they are celebrating 10 years together.And let’s not forget our wonderful young men and women serving our country. God Bless you all, past, present, and future as well as their families that make suchagreatsacrificeaswell.Now here are a couple of recipes I hope you will enjoy!auntpat@texastwister.us

Creamy Chicken CasseroleMakes: 6 Serving Size: 1 cup Preparation Time: 20 minutes Cooking Time: 35 to 40 minutesIngredients2 Tbsp. non-hydrogenated margarine1Tbsp.all-purposeflour1 1/4 cups 1% milk1/2 tsp.each dried sage, marjoram, thyme1/2 tsp kosher salt1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper1 1/2 Tbsp olive oil, divided1/2 cup diced onion1 garlic clove, minced1 cup sliced fresh button mushrooms1/2 cup diced celery3 cups skinless, cooked, cube white-meat chicken d1 1/2 cups cooked brown rice1 cup reduced-fat, low-sodium chicken broth2/3 cup dry whole wheat bread crumbs1 Tbsp fresh grated parmesan cheeseDirections1. Coat a large casserole dish with cooking spray. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a medium sauce-

pan, melt the margarine over medium heat. Add the flourandwhiskuntilitisincorporated.Slowlyaddthe milk, whisking constantly while cooking until the sauce has thickened. Add the sage, marjoram, thyme, salt, and black pepper to the sauce. Set aside. 2. In a large skillet, heat 1/2 Tbsp. of the olive oil over medium heat. Add the onion and sauté for 5 minutes. Add the garlic, mushrooms, and celery, and sauté for 4 to 5 minutes, just until the mushrooms have released their liquid. Drain any excess liquid. 3. Add the cooked chicken, cooked rice, chicken broth, and reserved sauce to the skillet. Mix well. 4. Pour the mixture into the prepared dish. Bake, un-covered, for 25 minutes. 5. In a small bowl, mix together the remaining olive oil, bread crumbs, and parmesan cheese. Sprinkle the bread crumb mixture over the casserole, and bake for 10 to 15 minutes more, until the bread crumbs are toasted. Nutritional Values per 1 cup serving:Calories: 305 Fat 10 g, Saturated Fat 2.6 g, Carbo-hydrate 25 g, Fiber 3 g, Sugars 4 g, Cholesterol 65 mg, Sodium 315 mg, Potassium 415 mg, Protein 27 g. Exchanges: Starch 1.5, Lean Meat 3, Fat 1

Chicken, Broccoli, and Red Pepper Stir-FryMakes: 6 servings Serving Size: 1 cup Preparation Time: 15 minutes Cooking Time: 10 minutesIngredients1lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts, patted dry and cut into 1/2-inch chunks2 Tbsp. lower-sodium soy sauce, divided1 tsp. cornstarch3/4 cup reduced-sodium, low-fat chicken broth, di-vided1 Tbsp oyster sauce1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil1/2 tsp chili puree with garlic1 Tbsp cornstarchVegetables2 Tbsp. canola oil, divided3 cloves garlic, minced1 Tbsp. peeled, grated ginger2cupsbroccoliflorets,cutintobite-sizepieces1 med. red pepper, cut into strips2 Tbsp.toasted coarsely chopped peanuts, almonds, or cashewsDirections In a medium bowl, combine the chicken, 1 Tbsp. of the soy sauce, and the 1 tsp. cornstarch and let stand for 15 minutes.

For the sauce, combine 1/2 cup of the broth with the remaining soy sauce and the oyster sauce, sesame oil, chili puree, and the 1 Tbsp. cornstarch; set aside. Heat 1 Tbsp. of the canola oil in a wok. Add thechickenandstir-fryfor3minutes.Removethechicken from the wok and place in a bowl; set aside. Heat the remaining oil in the wok. Add the garlic and ginger, and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Add the broccoli and red pepper. Carefully add the re-maining chicken broth and cover. Steam for 3 min-utes. Add the sauce mixture and cook 1 minute. Add the cooked chicken and toss gently to heat. Top with the nuts and serve.Nutritional Values: Calories per 1 cup: 180 Fat 9 g, Saturated Fat 1.2 g, Trans Fat 0, Carbohydrate 7 g, Fiber 2 g, Sugars 2 g, Cholesterol 45 mg, Sodium 405 mg, Potassium 325 mg, Protein 19 g. Exchang-es: Vegetable 1, Lean Meat 2, Fat 1

903-883-5263 March, 2014 Page 21

It’s March, where did winter go? I put a bird feederoutsidemyofficewindowand Iamgettingthefullbenefitsofspring,butbeingatrueTexan,Iwonder, is winter really over? My dad says winter is over when the Mimosa trees bloom. I know St. Pad-dy’s day is near, and the ides of March are lurking, soeveryonebeware!Ithoughtoffindingsometra-ditional foods, nothing sounded good! Sorry some of those early Irish recipes are just not up my alley. I have found 3 that have been taste tested and daddy approved!(PoorDaddy!Guineapigtotheend!) So breakfast, lunch/dinner, and dinner/sup-perarewhatI’mbringingyouthismonth.Thisfirstone can be cut in half if you are not feed in a huge group; I have made it up early in the day and had it for dinner/supper on a cold night when you want something comforting.

FRENCH TOAST BAKE1/2cupmeltedbutter(1stick)1 cup brown sugar 1 loaf of thickly sliced bread 4 eggs1 1/2 cup milk 1 teaspoon vanilla Powdered sugar for sprinkling Cinnamon for sprinkling Fresh fruit if desiredMelt butter in microwave & add brown sugar....stir till mixed. Pour butter/sugar mix into bottom of 9 x 13 pan....spread around. Beat eggs, milk, & va-nilla, lay single slices of bread in pan, spoon 1/2 of egg mixture on bread layer, sprinkle some cinnamon over bread/eggs. Add 2nd layer of sliced bread, spoon on remaining egg mixture. Cover & chill in fridge overnight (or all day). Bake at 350 for 45minutes(coveredforthefirst30minutes).Sprinkle

with powdered sugar & cinnamon; serve with warm maple syrup or fresh fruit. YUMMMM!!!!!!

MAPLE GLAZED CHICKEN 2 pounds boneless, skinless, chicken breasts or thighs, cut into large chunks Kosher salt 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 2apples(1red,1green),coredandcutintowedges1 red or sweet onion chopped into bite size pieces 1/4 cup fresh sage, torn 1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar. Pat the chicken dry and season all over with salt. Heat a large heavy skillet over high heat and add the olive oil. When the oil is hot, add apples, onion and stir until they start turning brown, add the chickenandcookabout5minutesonthefirstside.Turnthechickenandaddsagetotheskillet.Reducethe heat to medium high and cook until the chicken for 4 to 5 minutes on this side. Meanwhile, make the glaze: Mix the chicken

broth, maple syrup, vinegar and ¼ teaspoon salt in a small bowl. Add the mixture to the skillet and boil until reduced by about three-quarters, 2 to 3 min-utes. Turn the chicken pieces to coat, until cooked through, about 2 more minutes or until sauce is de-sired thickness. YUMMMMM!!!!!!! And leftover, if there is any are even better

PEANUT BUTTER PIE3/4 cup peanut butter 4 ounces cream cheese softened 1 cup powdered sugar1(8oz)cartonfrozencoolwhipthawed1(9)inchgrahamcrackercrustSalted chopped peanuts without skins Carmel Ice Cream topping to drizzle over the top In a large bowl beat the peanut butter, cream cheese and sugar until smooth; fold in whipped top-ping; pour into the graham cracker crust. Sprinkle top of pie with the chopped peanuts and drizzle cara-mel topping on. Chill at least one hour before serv-ing; refrigerate left over pie. Yield 8 servings.

Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Pat’sRed Neck Bird Bath

GONZALES “COME AND TAKE IT” CANNON.

The Gonzales “come and take it” cannon was a Spanish-made, bronze artillery piece of six-pound cali-ber. The gun was the object of contention in late Septem-ber and early October 1835 between a Mexican military detachment from Bexar and Anglo-Celtic colonists. The disagreement produced the battle of Gonzales, considered tobethefirstbattleoftheTexasRevolution.OnJanuary1, 1831, Green DeWitt initiated the new year by writing RamónMúsquiz,thepoliticalchiefofBexar,askinghimto make arrangements for a cannon to be furnished to the Gonzales colonists for protection against hostile Indians. On March 10, 1831, after some delay, James Tumlinson, Jr., a DeWitt colonist at Bexar, received one bronze can-non to be turned over to Green DeWitt at Gonzales. The fact that the gun was not carriage mounted until about September 28, 1835, suggests that in 1831 it was prob-ably swivel mounted in one of the two blockhouses that had been constructed at Gonzales in 1827. Thus mounted it would have served as a visual deterrent to hostile Indi-ans. The cannon is lost to history until September 1835, when Col. Domingo de Ugartechea, the military commander at Bexar, sent Corporal CasimiroDe LeónandfivesoldiersoftheSecondFlyingCompanyofSanCarlos de Parras to retrieve the cannon. The Gonzales col-onistsnotifiedUgartecheatheywerekeepingthegunandtook the soldiers prisoner. The cannon was then buried in George W. Davis’s peach orchard and couriers sent to the Anglo-CelticsettlementsontheColoradoRivertoobtainarmed assistance. Ugartechea responded by sending 100 troops under Lt. Francisco de Castañeda to make a more serious request for the return of the gun. On September 29,Capt.RobertM.Colemanarrived atGonzaleswithamilitiacompanyofthirtymountedIndianfighters.Thegun was retrieved from its shallow grave, taken to John

Sowell’s blacksmith shop, and mounted on a pair of cart wheels. After organization of the Texian “Army of the People” under Gen. Stephen F. Austin, the cannon was assigned to Capt. James C. Neill’s artillery company and hauled to San Antonio. After the capture of Bexar in De-cember 1835, the cannon remained at the Alamo, where it was one of twenty-one artillery pieces commandeered by the Mexican army upon the recapture of Bexar on March 6, 1836. The name “Come and Take It” refers to the motto adopted by the Texian rebels. On the morning of October 2, 1835, Lieutenant Castañeda requested the cannon be returned to the Mexican military-a condition on which it had been loaned to DeWitt’s Colony-but the Texians pointed to the gun which stood about 200 yards to their rear, and said, “there it is-come and take it.” Soon aftertheconflictbegan,attherequestoftheAnglo-Celticleaders,theladiesofthesettlementhastilymadeaflagtoflyoverthecannon.Theflagfeaturedawhitegroundwitha black cannon in the center, and the motto “Come and take it!” above and below. Much has been made of an ac-count that appears in Noah Smithwick’s The Evolution ofaStateorRecollectionsofOldTexasDays(1900),inwhichSmithwick identifies thecannonasan ironsix-pounder. This is the only account, however, of events at GonzalesinOctober1835whichidentifiestheGonzalesgun as being made of iron. Primary documents indicate that the gun probably was a cannon belonging to George Huff, a blacksmith and gunsmith from San Felipe. An-other discovery claim concerning the Gonzales cannon cameintobeingafteramajorfloodinJuly1936,whena small iron salute cannon was discovered downstream from Hardy’s Bluff on Sandies creek. Many individu-als believe the small salute gun is the Gonzales cannon because it was found at a location that appears to match the information in the Smithwick book. The gun, how-ever, matches none of the characteristics attributed to the Gonzales cannon by reliable primary sources. The Smithwick account incorrectly identifies the Gonza-les cannon, but the Sandies salute gun does not even conform to Smithwick’s description of the cannon he believed to be the Gonzales gun. Although what hap-pened to the “Come and Take It” cannon is not known, still another, and probably more likely scenario, resulted from actions of the Mexican army after the fall of the Alamo, when Antonio López de Santa Anna’s troopsmelted down an unknown number of bronze guns. The Gonzales cannon may have been one of these.Thomas Ricks Lindley, “GONZALES COME AND TAKE IT CANNON,” Handbook of Texas Online (http://www.tshaonline.org/handbook/online/articles/qvg01), ac-cessed February 19, 2014. Uploaded on June 15, 2010. Modified on September 12, 2012. Published by the Texas State Historical Association.

Page 22 March, 2014 Texas Twister

In a court in Killarney, deep in Munster, Ireland, this conversation is reported to have taken place: Lawyer: ‘At the scene of the accident, Mr O’Shea,didyoutelltheGardaofficerthatyouhadnever felt better in your life?’ O’Shea the farmer: ‘That’s right, sir.’ Lawyer: ‘Well then, Mr O’Shea, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously in-jured when my client’s car hit your cart?’ O’Shea the farmer: ‘When the Garda ar-rived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Darcy, my dog, who was badly hurt, and shot him. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feeling?’ I just thought under the circumstanc-es, it was a wise choice of words to say: ‘I’ve never felt better in my life.’

“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’ttunafish”,or“towritewithabrokenpencilispoint-less.” A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in an undisclosed location. Thisyear’s winning submission is posted at the very end. ..Whenfishareinschools,theysometimestakedebate. .. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. .. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A... The batteries were given out free of charge. .. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. .. A will is a dead giveaway. .. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. .. A boiled egg is hard to beat. .. When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.

.. Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. .. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. .. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired. .. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. .. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. .. He had a photographic memory which was never de-veloped. ..Whenshesawherfirststrandsofgreyhairshethoughtshe’d dye. .. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it. And the cream of the wretched crop:.. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

903-883-5263 March, 2014 Page 23My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

*****IwenttobuysomecamouflagetrouserstheotherdaybutIcouldn’tfindany.

*****When Susan’s boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ‘’I love the simple things in life, but I don’t want one of them for my husband’’.

*****My therapist says I have a preoccupation with ven-geance. We’ll see about that.’’

***** A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ‘’Is this some kind of joke?’’

*****A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their re-cent tournament victories. After about an hour, the managercameoutoftheofficeandaskedthemtodisperse. ‘’But why?’’ they asked, as they moved off. ‘‘Because,’’ he said ‘’I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.’’