Two Worlds Apart:

Learning Disabilities in College

Ashley Fantazia

Stanislaus State University

Looking around any college campus you are guaranteed to see students in classes, studying,

talking to professors, and running around to get things taken care of. All most all of these students look

in many ways very similar. However, there are things at work that you may not be able to see or even

be aware of. The students that fall into this sometimes forgotten category are those students with

learning disabilities. Unfortunately, students with learning disabilities have a variety of hidden barriers

to success in school that may not be a direct effect of their learning disability. Although students with

learning disabilities are undoubtedly directly effected by their learning disability, they are also

indirectly effected by the system as well as misconceptions about disabilities.

Taking a close look at an individuals identity can unlock many mysteries in how that individual

communicates. As a student, the academic setting is a perfect place to do just that; look more closely at

an identity position. To understand my identity position I must first define what a learning disability is;

the national center for learning disability’s identifies “a LD [learning disability] is more than a

"difference" or "difficulty" with learning — it's a neurological disorder that affects the brain's

ability to receive, process, store, and respond to information” (Pollard, L.). One of the most

prevalent places to look at the effect that a LD has on an individual is in an academic setting, where the

ability to receive, process, store, and respond to information are key factors in succeeding in the

classroom. In college, it is the students choice to attend and continue on an educational path, unlike

high school and lower education where it is a requirement to attend. Due to this, looking at college

students with learning disabilities is perfect for research because the student is going to be motivated to

do their best to succeed.

Unfortunately, the road to success for many LD students may have often-overlooked barriers.

These barriers warrant more in-depth research to study this particular identity group. A term that is

often used to describe learning disabilities is invisible disability. This term in itself leads to the notion

of hiding because it is not something that can be visibly observed. This makes it difficult for some staff

and professors to understand that there may be more going on with a student than they can see on the

surface, making disclosure of a LD a sometimes necessary part of an LD students academic life.

However, in spite of some students proactive approach to disclosure and talking to professors at the

beginning of each semester, there are still issues with lack of understanding what a learning disability is

from professors as well as other staff, inevitably making another barrier. All of these added barriers to

success result in a disconnected group that may be more easily overlooked at a glance.

To analyze such a camouflaged group of people and their identity the use of autoethnography

as well as interviews will help shed light on such a dimly lit topic. Autoethnography has the ability to

open the door to understanding a person's identity by letting the reader step into their life for a moment

and see from their eyes. By using interviews as well as other materials this paper will be able to paint a

picture of all of the added barriers that students with learning disabilities overcome in order to succeed.

There are a number of barriers that potentially prevent the success of a student both at a university and

in the individual classes. The connection to power structures and learning disabled students is linked to

the success or failure of an LD student (Cornett-DeVito, M. M., & Worley, D. W.; Fassett, D. L., &

Morella, D. L.; Morella-Pozzi, D., & Sunseri). Morella-Pozzi & Sunseri (2012) put forth the

connection to whiteness and disability by looking at power systems being both overt and covert. This

gave way to the concept that the issues with power is both found within the classroom as well as being

a systemically bigger picture issue. Stage & Milne discuss interviewees accounts experiences with

faculty as “among the most negative,” although some did have a positive experiences (Stage, F. K., &

Milne, N. V.). Also, as noted by Worley & Cornett-DeVito disability service offices should be required

to learn how how to “respond appropriately and effectively in order to obtain the services and

accommodations to which they are entitled” (Worley, D. W., & Cornett-DeVito, M. M., p. 29).

Although tutors are not technically disability center staff, Stage & Milne propose that there is an issue

with the tutorial system due to the fact that the tutors “were provided no special training or guidance by

the university or Disabled Student Services” (p. 435).

Confidentiality and disclosure along with concepts of privilege also pose issues on a systemic

level with respect to power structures. Matthews discusses confidentiality stating that, “sharing

information beyond the teaching staff immediately working with individual disabled students, or

sharing information without explicit permission from the student concerned would be regarded by

many disabled people and workers in the area as breaching confidentiality” (p. 231). Mathews also

states, “students whose ‘hidden’ needs are ultimately declared to staff may be only a fraction of the

number of students whose impairments might never be formally disclosed or accommodated” (p. 203).

Disclosure is argued to be much like the idea of coming out as right of passage that ultimately leads to

a , ‘‘calculation or manipulation of power relationships’’ (Fassett, D. L., & Morella, D. L., p. 147).

Morella-Pozzi & Sunseri discuss accommodations and their relationship to privileged, indicating the

power structures at work with all of the content submissions of paperwork; they identify this as an

overt power (p. 155).

Apart from the barriers preventing success due to the system that LD students are a part of there

are also issues at a classroom level with both other students as well as the direct relationship to the

teachers. As argued by Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005), “instructional communication competence is

the teacher-instructor’s motivation, knowledge and skill to select, enact and evaluate effective and

appropriate verbal and nonverbal interpersonal and instructional messages filtered by studentlearners’

perceptions, resulting in cognitive, affective and behavioral studentlearner development and reciprocal

feedback” (p. 315). This relates that the competency of the teacher has a direct effect on the LD

students outcome in class. Also argued by Worley & Cornett-DeVito (2007), “not only do SWLD

[students with learning disability's] face the already existing power differential found in student-teacher

relationships, they face the additional challenges of negotiating the request for accommodation that

heightens and complicates this power differential” (p.20). This can become an issue especially when

some faculty are unwilling to allow certain accommodations like extra time for testing and become

difficult to deal with throughout their interactions (Stage, F. K., & Milne, p. 434).

Just as with the systemic issues for learning disability students there are also issues with

confidentiality and disclosure. One issue that is brought to light is an issue with instructors who are

“communicatively incompetent” where the instructors are blatantly disregarding the privacy of the

student with their disabilities by discussing them in a non-private setting (Cornett-DeVito, M. M., &

Worley, D. W., 2005). Worley & Cornett-DeVito (2007) discuss professors using “coercive and

legitimate power during their interaction” by having students who have to take their tests outside of

class due to accommodations come to class to pick up the exam in front of the other students (p. 24).

Unfortunately, students in those situations did not have the ability to decide whether or not to disclose

their disability. Additionally pointed out by Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) students with learning

disabilities are often “reluctant to request accommodation,since they fear negative reactions” (p. 317).

Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) continue on to define the resistance of the instructors to

accommodations due to it being viewed as special treatment.

Dealing with the concept of disclosure of a students disability to other students may also have

an effect on their success in class. Participation in class is directly effected by the issue of disclosure.

Stage & Milne discuss how LD students often times refrain from participating in classroom activities.

Also discussing the negative reactions from other students after disclosure as well as skepticism (Stage,

F. K., & Milne, N. V.). Fassett & Morella confirm the notion of refraining from participation in their

ethnography stating, “I walk a fine line of being emotionally available to the group yet remaining alert

enough to guard my secret[;] I choose my words quickly and cautiously[;] I want it to be known that I

am participating, yet unwilling to participate in many ways[;] I try to blur the lines of what I have

done and what I am expected to do” (p. 145). This lends its hand to discussions of performativity as

discussed by Fassett & Morella. Lindemann discusses performance stating, “One might also perform

more or less disability if it helps his or her cause (to receive help, to ‘‘prove’’ one has a disability, or to

hide or mask a disability in order to ‘‘pass’’)” (p.287).

Another aspect of the LD student is the issue with other individuals' lack of understanding.

Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) related from their student interview process professors who lacked

instructional communication competence were unknowledgeable and misinformed about learning

disabilities. Where Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) continue on to identify the front row seat as a

strategic spot for students with learning disabilities to sit in order to get around the stigma that learning

disabled students are “stupid.,” they just learn in a different way than other students. This quote from

Fasset & Morella's ethnography was a particularly good example of an individual who clearly does not

understand what an LD is exactly, “I’m not sure we do students with learning disabilities any service by

allowing them into graduate school. I mean, what with all the accommodations, can we really say they

did any of the work at all? I think that just cheapens the degree for everyone else” (p.143). Cornett-

DeVito & Worley (2005) also have a rather compelling ethnographic piece, “'Well you know, you need

to do this, this and this.' Doris responded by saying, 'I do all those things, but it doesn’t make it*/it

doesn’t mean that I’m going to understand it in that way. Some things are just*/my brain does not

comprehend them in that way. And no matter what I do, it’s not going to. And so I think that’s kind of

hard to get through to people.’” (p.324) Another account of a professors lack of understanding was

accounted by Worley & Cornett-DeVito (2007) discussing a professor who told a student with dyslexia

that if “she couldn’t handle the pressure of the classroom, she would not be able to handle the real

world” (p.25).

Basically the research found there are a small number of sources which deal with the topic of

learning disabilities with collage students. This number dwindles with the addition of power,

confidentiality and disclosure. Although, there is some research on misinformation and individuals lack

of understanding there is simply not enough sources on this topic yet. This research will bridge a much

needed gap in the existing information, piecing together all three parts and making a link to the

disconnected group of learning disabled students. Unfortunately, due to the way in which

confidentiality and disclosure relate to students with learning disabilities the group as a whole is

segregated and has little interaction between other students within their group.

Do you understand?

Going into my last semester of college before I received my BA in Communication I had a

sense of pride and accomplishment. The semester started and I had all the classes that I needed and it

didn't hurt that I liked all the subjects that I was in. One class in particular that I was very excited to be

in finally was my contemporary astronomy class. Unfortunately, that excitement faded away after just

the first week of class. On my first day of class, as I often do after lecture is over, I went up the the

front of the class and introduced myself as a disability resource student. Although, this is a formality

that doesn’t necessarily need to be adhered to I always find that it helps to put a face with a name on a

file. Although, I couldn’t pronounce my professors name, I simply addressed him as “professor” and

then said what I have said countless times before, “my name is Ashley Fantazia and I am a disability

student, if you haven’t gotten it already the office should be sending you a packet in your mail box, I

just wanted to come up and introduce myself to you.” The teacher looked at me as though he was lost

with furrowed brow and a look as though he didn’t know what to say to me, after a long pause, he said,

“um yes, can you maybe come to my office during office hours and send me an email reminding me

your name.” This didn’t seem too out of the ordinary so I replied, “sure, I can come in early on

Thursday.”

On that Thursday, I walked over to the science building where my professors office was located

and noticed that someone was already in there, so I stepped back and stood in the hall to wait for my

turn. The other student left and I was motioned into the office. He started right off, “OK I received the

papers that the office sent over,” and he paused and turned his head to stare at me standing at the side of

his desk, there was no chair, and blurted out, “oh do you need me to close the door?” Feeling confident

that this was going to be short and not being ashamed of being a disability student, I told him it was

fine and I didn't mind if the door was open. He continued, “so it says here you have testing

accommodations, what procedures do I need to do for that?” Knowing that this was this professors first

year at this particular college I felt that it was a perfectly legitimate question to ask me and I followed

up by pulling out the proctor form and going over the procedure that I had been doing since I came to

that college. I told him first that I proctor my exams and that I get a time extension, followed by filling

out this form with the test time and date and then I go into the office and take them the form that I filled

out and had him sign and they give me the new form for him to turn in the test to them for me to take

and the office takes over from there.

He asked to clarify that I would take the exam in the office when everyone else does and I went

into my explanation of needing to change the time of the exam because of the fact that the office closes

at 5pm and class does not start until 7pm. This apparently was not acceptable to him because he started

asking me a myriad of questions like can't the office just send someone to proctor your test and maybe

reserve a room next to ours? I replied the best I could and told him that I didn’t know if they do that

and that this was the only way that I have ever done it. He then went into a long story about how

another school that he worked at sent proctors to reserved rooms and asked several more times why

they couldn’t just do that so that I could take the test at the same time as everyone else. I reiterated

what I had said about the procedures that I was aware of and told him that their number should have

been on the documents he was sent if he had any more questions about procedures.

Although he did say that he could call them he continued to talk about sending someone out to a

room because giving me the test at a different time meant that he couldn’t give me the same test, which

was followed up by roughly a 10 to 15 minute lecture on cheating and how answers could be

shared and I would have to take the test in a different format. I interjected a few times during his

berating that I wouldn't do that and that if I took the test early I would just go home after because I

would be done for the day. His reply to that was another long winded explanation about how he

couldn’t be sure that I would leave and that answers could be shared. At that point I was feeling as

though he was actually calling me a cheater rather than voicing his concerns, so I simply indicated

that he could call the office and talk to them but I didn’t know what other procedures they could do

because I hadn’t done them before.

After all of that, what followed seemed to be the worst of all. Although normally a legitimate

question to me, after what I had just gone through had worn me down and I didn't know how to respond

short of almost snapping. The professor then asked me if I was absolutely sure that I would need the

extra time? I kept my cool and in the nicest way possible told him that I did and followed up by

pointing out that math was an issue, purposely drawing attention to his policy in his syllabus about, no

use of calculators on exams. At his reply my heart sank, “well, you just need more practice then.”

Almost in a daze due to the fact that I didn't quite know how to respond to him at this point, I simply

explained to him that, “I have been practicing my whole life, it hasn't gotten any better.” His rely made

me sink even lower, “well, that's why you keep practicing.” Finally, he accepted that our

conversation was going in a never-ending circle and said that he would call them and let me know what

they say. I walked out of that office feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and so

beat down. Not only did I feel like he was attacking me for a system I had no control over, it was

painfully clear that he did not understand what a learning disability is.

What's the problem?

This entire scenario is a clear representation of the problem with not only the system in which

the LD student is a part of but the interaction with individuals within the system having a lack of

understanding about learning disabilities. As discussed earlier, by Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005)

with their compelling recounting of a similar situation in which a professor told a student that they

needed to do certain things to succeed disregarding the fact that the student already does them; as said

by Cornett-DeVito & Worley, “my brain does not comprehend them in that way[;] and no matter what I

do, it’s not going to[;] And so I think that’s kind of hard to get through to people” (p. 324). The fact of

the matter is that just being informed that a student “has” a learning disability is not enough. Within the

system there is an entire breakdown in understanding. Not only understanding the system in which they

work but understanding the reason for the system is important. After coding interview transcripts of

college students with LDs one theme that emerged is lack of understanding from administrators as well

as professors. On a number of occasions interviewees recounted experiences where an individual with

whom they were dealing reprimanded them for doing something that they used as a tool to aid their

success in class (doodling, wiggling, pen flicking) as well as having other situations where the

professor became frustrated that the student could not do something in the way that they explained.

Unfortunately this is a vicious cycle, the system does not provide clarity of information about why it is

in place it simply accounts for procedures. Added procedures requiring those within the system to

understand what it means to be learning disabled could alleviate some of this tension between the

students subjected to the polices and the individuals required to uphold the policies.

One thing to point out is the fact that learning disabled students are not stupid. Unfortunately,

the media does not help get away from this stigma that LD students are stupid. Although there are a

large number of individuals who have invisible disabilities, there are simply not enough references to

having a disability in the media and by no means are they positive. Most representations of individuals

with whom may have an invisible disability are simply depicted as a dunce or stupid or told that they

need to work harder and stop messing around. Outside of the commercials that the National Center for

Learning Disabilities puts out, there tends to be a lack of awareness and media coverage with this

particular identity group. This just reinforces the issue that many individuals have a lack of

understanding when it comes to learning disabilities.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that learning disabilities are for the most part invisible disabilities

there is the potential to hide. In some journals and articles as previously mentioned it is said that LDs

are hidden disabilities; being an individual with a learning disability I understand the desire to hide this

part of my identity from time to time. As individuals with invisible disabilities learn at a young age

other individuals may not understand that there is a reason they are different in the way in which they

learn and due to this there is commonly ridicule from others for being slow or stupid. It is partially

because of this lack of awareness that makes it so easy to just dismiss the ridicule and accept it as a part

of how things are in American society.

The National Center for Learning Disabilities put out a commercial to bring more emphasis on

kids with issues; the video is called “Up and Down, the Journey through Dyslexia & Other LDs.”

Unfortunately, in just the first few seconds of the video it shows an animated classroom full of students

highlighting one student who is having difficulties, where he sinks down in his chair hiding part of his

face and then gets ridiculed by the student sitting right next to him. The student laughs at him and calls

him names like stupid and another student chimes in with dummy, then dyslexia shows up on the

screen with the slumped over student having trouble. A number of words show up on the screen

including math, ADHD, spelling, dysgraphia, dyspraxya, attention, and dyslexia. Following the words

is the student crying while wondering questions like, am I dumb, am I stupid and am I a loser. A star

with the words “I believe in you,” appear on the screen with cheery music and the kids face lights up,

wide eyes, raised eyebrows, and a smile. A teacher appears and says, “I can help you,” the boy smiles

and says I can do this, ending with all the kids back in their seats reading their books including the boy

this time.

Although the commercial does help highlight that there is an issue with the way in which some

individuals learn, the commercial also represents ridicule and separates the boy with the learning

disability as different from the other children. Unfortunately, as history will tell you being different in

America is not the best thing to be. An overwhelming 37 seconds of a 1 minute 7 second commercial is

representing the negativity of being different and having a learning disability. In the segment where the

child hides his head at the beginning of the commercial and is still trying to look like he is trying to

read is a good link to ideas of passing. Passing is where an individual from one group attempts to pass

as a part of another group and be accepted by that group as a member. In this case the boy with the

learning disability is trying to be accepted as a student without a learning disability. Although, the boy

did not successfully pass with the group of students it was clear that the boy did not want to be seen as

different.

Also, the ducking of the head shows signs of shame along with all of the questions that the boy

asks himself like “am I dumb.” Shame has a strong association with individuals who are different, also

in this case it has to do with a very personal part of the individuals identity making the shame felt

deeply. There have been many times in which I have had the misfortune of feeling shame in cases like

the boy having issues with reading like the other members of his class. It is almost as if it feels like

there is a deficiency and in some way everyone knows that you can't do something. This is a common

feeling, however, it is not that the individual can't do something, it may be that the individual just may

have to do it in a different way than others.

This type of media that shows just how different and incapable on their own individuals with

learning disabilities are continues to shape how these individuals are treated and understood. Due to the

reinforcement of the premise that the individuals are incapable and therefore may be made fun of,

perpetuates an ongoing issue. If instead of showing the individual as not being able to do something we

show the individual doing it in a new or different way, it may have the power to show other students

that it is okay to think outside the box and try new things. A bigger reinforcement that the individuals

are not incapable would be to show them explaining how they might do things to another student rather

than focus on the negativity that is commonly dumped on learning disability students.

Communicating about learning disabilities is almost always predicated by a negative example.

It is strongly perceived as a negative thing to learn that you have or have a child who has a learning

disability. This is unfortunate because there are many people who live and thrive each day who are

fully capable adults who have learning disabilities, they just think about things in a different way. It

should not be looked at as the individual having little to no ability, yet, it seems to be leaning towards

that in the media. The media pushes the idea that individuals with learning disabilities need others to

walk them through things and hold their hand, when in fact individuals with learning disabilities need

only to figure out how their own brain works and utilize resources to help them succeed. Ultimately,

this type of mediated text about learning disabilities merely reinforces a stigma that LD students are

stupid and provides no possibility for individuals to better understand what a learning disability is.

Shhhh, its a secret

Again I had to deal with my astronomy teacher and my next experience with this professor

came when it came time to schedule my first exam. I approached my teacher after lecture with my card

in hand promptly filled out, ready for a signature. Although there were other students around I did not

think twice about just going up for a signature but what came next horrified me. My professor while

standing up front with students still gathered around, began to discuss rather loudly again about

cheating and needing me to take a different kind of test because I wouldn’t take it at the same time. He

then proceeded to push me about my testing outside of class, noting that I was taking the exam too

early and why can't I take it later, closer to the rest of the class. I felt alienated. He then said that he

couldn’t approve that time for me and asked me if I could leave my conflicting class early in order to

take it closer to the time of everyone else. I was so embarrassed and flustered, I didn't know what to say

to him. He had made no attempt to talk more privately and whats more he again intimated that I might

cheat because of my “circumstances.” Feeling completely vulnerable in front of the other students I

agreed to his terms and made arrangements to leave early for that test.

I wish I could say that that was my last problem with this teacher. Again, another test rolled

around and by this time I had already voiced my concerns with the disability center about this

professor. Unfortunately, my sighs of relief knowing that someone had talked to him about procedures

were met with disappointment and yet again embarrassment. Knowing that I needed to yet again get a

signature I prepared myself and entered the class. I sat down got my laptop out and waited for class to

start. The instructor came in and set up and chitchatted for a little bit and then started addressing the

class. He took care of procedural things first because some people had issues with the i-clickers and

talked about the test. Just then it was like he had an epiphany... He then turned to me as he stood in

front of class and said that he needed to talk to me after class about my testing. If I could have shrunk

into my chair and disappeared I would have. I felt as though he had just outed me to the whole class.

Why would you tell my secret?

Confidentiality is a huge part of the system that is in place for LD students. Yet the system

seems to continually break down. When the system breaks down and information is leaked without the

intent of the student, shame and embarrassment seem to take over. As found in most research on LDs

confidentiality is studied at the point at which it breaks down because of the effect that it has over the

individuals being “outed” and the performative aspect that surrounds the issue. Fassett & Morella

discuss “performance as 'making,'’’ as an explicit acknowledgment of how our actions and our

language creates the social fabric, takes on even greater significance in light of whether a student is

‘‘out’’ as “disabled” (p. 146). Seeing that most of the recounted break downs seem to happen with

teachers it is only natural that the focus of study would be there, however, it is much more complex

than that.

Closed doors

I have a test today, I thought as I took a deep breath and sighed a little. I'm not ready I told

myself, but that was no matter its not like I am ever as ready as I could be. Ok, walk in, go to my

testing area and sit down, I have about 45 min before they will let me into the room. I went up, sat

down, and pulled out my notes... words words words.... all I ever do is look at words on a page and

hope that I can read fast enough to make it through the page before I run out of time. Sitting there

staring at the page... The page in front of my face was the only thing in my little bubble at that point. It

takes all of my concentration to read, its like I shut down, every thing that is not helping me read is put

on standby. Words, words, words... half way down the page, 20 minutes... figures, I think to myself.

Just keep reading, words, words words... suddenly, to knock me out of my bubble, a tap on my

shoulder, apparently the office clerk had been saying my name and I didn't even notice. “what time is

your test,” she asked rather perplexed. I told her I had a little time and I thought that I would study a bit

before I go in. she had a rather odd look on her face an expression that I couldn't describe if I wanted to

but then she calmly and in a soft tone told me that she was sorry but I couldn't be in there that early.

When I inquired why, she said it was because of policy. I paused for a moment and said but I always

look at my notes in here just before a test. I got a quick, “yes, but you're not usually here more than 10

minutes early.” she paused, and told me that maybe I could step out into the hall and wait for it to get

closer to my test. Again I couldn't help myself and I asked, why? The reply was so strange to me that I

didn't know what to say to her. She told me in a rather mater of fact tone, its because this is a

confidential area and you being here too early might mean you would see other students and find out

that they use our facilities. Let the world stop, I thought, other students... but I use them too, whats the

big deal, aren’t we in some ways the same, I thought to myself.

Not to cause a scene I walked out to the hall and went to splash some water on my face in the

bathroom. I was furious. I didn't understand why I couldn't sit inside the waiting area with the desks

and chairs that were clearly supposed to be there for me. But it was too early she said. I might see

someone else she said. So what! I just want to sit down near where I take my test and study a little. For

goodness sake, it takes me almost half an hour or so to go through one page of notes. I’m not a spy...

Unfortunately, this little incident rattled me and I had been ranting in my head, but why shouldn't I.

Whats the big deal if I find out someone else has a learning disability any way. I splashed some cold

water on my face and went out into the hall with my page of notes. Deep breath, you got a test to take,

words words word...

Why is it a secret?

Unfortunately the issue with confidentiality is not exactly as simple as it may seem. Some may

say, well just make sure that you keep the issue confidential and that solves it, but it doesn't. By simply

accepting the fact that the information is and only should be confidential, you preclude the possibility

that it is a normal thing to have a disability and does not need to bring shame. This point again

perpetuates the overwhelming uninformed populace about disabilities by keeping all of the dealings

with the matter extremely private. Yet again another theme that showed up in the coded transcripts from

my interviews was confidentiality problems. One individual recounted a painful experience with an

instructor where they spoke loudly in a hall and ended up with the student disclosing that they didn't

understand and overwhelmed the student with embarrassment because of their learning disability. As

talked about earlier in the paper telling others about your learning disability is similar to being outed,

much like the gay community. The difference however, is the fact that within that community there is a

since of community and individuals are linked and talk within the group about their shared experience

with instances like this. With the LD students, the confidentiality issue makes the idea of community

hard to grasp.

The system itself is a long list of power structures, mechanisms, and protocols put in place to

help aid and protect students with learning disabilities. Unfortunately, the system helps create another

problem, segregation Most identity positions can be easily identified as a group and in most cases it is

relatively easy to find other people belonging to that group. Individuals who have learning disabilities

are a group of people, however, that group is kept invisible. By that I mean that the system in which is

meant to protect these students helps reinforce the separation of these students and keep them as a

secret. To go to such extreme lengths to protect students by keeping their learning disabilities

confidential that it is unacceptable for a LD student to see another LD student because it would

compromise their confidentiality, there is something wrong with the system. Due to this system in

which LD students are subjected to they are inevitably segregated, not only as a group and made to feel

different but from each other. It is hard to think of LD students as a group because they do not function

as as a group, they are merely a category for identity, who happened to be a “group of people.”

You can't make me!

A day like most any other day. It started out by getting up, eating, getting ready for school, and

driving there. Walking on campus it was a beautiful day and all seemed right with the world but what I

didn't know was that, that wonderful feeling of a nice day was going to shortly fade. I walked into class

took my seat and waited for the class to start. The class was all sitting every which way and chatting

waiting on the teacher. The teacher came in and announced that today we were going to read over a

review of Shakespeare the Tempest as a class. My heart stopped... I felt as though all of the walls were

closing in on me and I was trapped. READ... AS A CLASS... All I could think of was, did she

remember my conversation with her about my learning disability at the beginning of the semester. Oh

god, that was, months ago, I don't know if she remembers. I asked her, I know I asked her, I told her not

to have me do any cold reads, I told her what I always tell my teachers when I approach them about my

learning disability, “please don't have me do any cold reads in class because I develop more ticks than a

lime disease research center.” My head was spinning and it was getting harder and harder to focus. I

looked at the paper frantically, 5 pages front and back, that makes 10 pages, about 3 to 4 paragraphs per

page, Oh NO, there's only 12 people in class today... that's not enough!

What I didn't know was that it was even worse than I expected. Panicked I though, ok, maybe

she'll read, maybe she'll make us do popcorn, maybe she'll... oh no, it is, she wants us to take turns

going around the room and I'm number 4... ok, ok... now if everybody reads a paragraph I should be

number 4, READ, READ, READ, I told myself... if you can just read that paragraph enough before

they get to you, you wont sound like a little kid learning how to read... I frantically began to read the

forth paragraph... WHAT? SHE DIDN'T STOP, SHE DIDN'T STOP!!! The first girl didn't stop... oh no,

I'm reading the wrong paragraph, ok, ok, number 5... READ, READ, READ, maybe you can make it...

Oh god! She didn't stop AGAIN... My hear is pounding, I can feel it from my neck without even

touching it... I'm radiating heat... my face feels like it could spontaneously combust. Next person... ok

on track, maybe they'll read only one and I can count, but it didn't happen, he read 2 the next read 3 and

then it was my turn... DID SHE REMEMBER??? no, she didn't... she pointed at me and I froze, I

couldn't breath, I couldn't talk, I felt like my heart was going to shoot across the room and smack her in

the face... (she was a lovely girl, so young to die, but her heart seemed to just give out) maybe I could

faint, or puke, I’m sure they wouldn’t make me read if I blew chunks across the room. All of this went

through my head with the speed that a bullet leaves a gun. In a split second all I did was hunch over,

glaze my eyes over, furrow my brow, slightly puff my cheeks, and shake my head no profusely to

indicate that I was sick and couldn’t read that day. After that, I really did feel sick, and it wasn't over...

they made another pass around the room... all I could think for the rest of the class was, did they buy

that I was sick, I wonder if they know?

The system made it this way

It made me this way, all of this talk about lack of understanding, the system, and confidentiality

lead back to the students. By that what I mean is that the system put in place to help and protect LD

students as well as the lack of understanding what a learning disability is, created an environment in

which LD students are ashamed and outcast by their disability. Passing becomes a necessary part of a

LD students life because of the unacceptable nature of being learning disabled and whats worse

prospect of disclosure. As discussed previously with confidentiality, when the system breaks down in

instances of outing, emotions like embarrassment and shame are present. The same is true in situations

within the class room where a persons invisible disability may become visible.

However, the difference in the situation in the classroom is that some of the control stays with

the LD student. This creates yet another barrier for LD students in classes, refusal to participate. This

idea came out of the previously mentioned literature as well as recounts from interviewed students as a

normal practice. Unfortunately it is not the students fault for refusing to participate, it is the fault of the

system in which they are being kept. The back and forth nature of all of the forms that they must fill out

is like a maze that beats them down and keeps them running; The confidentiality policies keep them

segregated and in the dark from one another; The ultimate lack of understanding leads to the

perpetuation and reinforcement of these policies and confines these students to the shadows because

they are different and they are alone. Each of these points makes it a survival technique for an LD

student to refuse to participate from time to time because it is more important to appear the same than

different within the construct of the system.

In the future research on the topic of learning disabled students should reflect the disconnected

nature of their group, or category as I mentioned previously, and the roll that the system plays in

keeping them in separated and oppressed. Each of the topics that have been discussed in this paper are

connected to the barriers in which a learning disabled student must overcome if they are to succeed. In

order for LD students to step out of the shadows and move forward some changes must be made. It is

my hope that this topic will be continued to be researched. By hiding learning disabilities it creates

problems on systemic and interpersonal levels that continues to inhibit not only the success of LD

students but prohibits the allowance of a community to form, leaving them as a category rather than a

group.

References

Brinckerhoff, L., Shaw, S. F., & McGuire, J. (1992). Promoting access, accommodations, and

independence for college students with learning disabilities. Journal Of Learning Disabilities,

25417-429.

Cornett-DeVito, M. M., & Worley, D. W. (2005). A Front Row Seat: A Phenomenological Investigation

of Learning Disabilities. Communication Education, 54(4), 312-333.

doi:10.1080/03634520500442178

Farrington, J. (2008). The INVISIBLE Disablity. Current Health 2, 35(2), 23-25.

Fassett, D. L., & Morella, D. L. (2008). Remaking (the) Discipline: Marking the Performative

Accomplishment of (Dis)Ability. Text & Performance Quarterly, 28(1/2), 139-156.

doi:10.1080/10462930701754390

Fassett, D. L., & Warren, J. T. (2004). "You Get Pushed Back": The Strategic Rhetoric of Educational

Success and Failure in Higher Education. Communication Education, 53(1), 1-20.

Lindemann, K. (2011). Performing (Dis)Ability in the Classroom: Pedagogy and (Con)Tensions. Text

& Performance Quarterly, 31(3), 285-302. doi:10.1080/10462937.2011.573188

Matthews, N. (2009). Teaching the 'invisible' disabled students in the classroom: disclosure, inclusion

and the social model of disability. Teaching In Higher Education, 14(3), 229-239.

doi:10.1080/13562510902898809

Morella-Pozzi, D., & Sunseri, M. A. (2012). Power, Suspicion, and Oppression: An Exploration into

the Connection Between Whiteness and Disability. Liminalities: A Journal of Performance

Studies, 8(5), 152-166.

Pollard, L., & Parent Contributor, (n.d.). LD Explained. What are Learning Disabilities? - NCLD.

National Center for Learning Disabilities, NCLD.org - NCLD. Retrieved May 20, 2013, from

http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/what-is-ld

Scherer, M. (2006). The Silent Strugglers. Educational Leadership, 63(5), 7.

Stage, F. K., & Milne, N. V. (1996). Invisible Scholars: Students with Learning Disabilities. Journal Of

Higher Education, 67(4), 426-45.

Worley, D. W., & Cornett-DeVito, M. M. (2007). College Students with Learning Disabilities (SWLD)

and Their Responses to Teacher Power. Communication Studies, 58(1), 17-33.

doi:10.1080/10510970601168665