Understanding Interpersonal Communication

What commonly happen in interpersonal communication?

• Misunderstanding.

• Describe a personal experience in which a miscommunication occurred. –Why did the miscommunication occur?– How might the miscommunication have been

avoided?–Was the miscommunication resolved? If so, how?

If not, what could be done now to resolve it?

Avoiding miscommunications

• Situation 1. Listeners assume they understand what speakers mean, when, in fact, the speakers had intended a completely different meaning from what was understood.

• Solution: Just ask.“I don’t understand the message.”“I had better ask some questions about it.”

• Situation 2.Listeners did not make efforts to look beyond speakers’ actual words to find out what they mean.

• Example:Donna was level-headed and giddy. Donna was tiny but so large that everyone admired her.

• http://www.etymonline.com/index.php • Giddy: – O.E.: gidig "insane, mad, stupid, possessed by a spirit" – Proto-Germanic language: guthigaz "god possessed" – Nowadays: "having a confused, swimming sensation"

• Silly: – O.E.: gesælig "happy" (related to sæl "happiness")– West Germanic language: sæligas "happy,“ "good,

kindhearted,“ "blessed, happy, blissful” – Nowadays: “foolish, showing little thought or judgment”

• Large: – Old French: large "broad, wide"– Latin: "abundant, copious, plentiful, liberal“ “generous”– Nowadays: "extensive, big"

• Donna was level-headed and giddy. Donna was level-headed and enthusiastic. • Donna was tiny but so large that everyone admired

her. Donna was tiny but so generous that everyone admired her.

• The examples might be too radical, but they show how important for listeners to “look beyond” a speaker’s actual words.

• Situation 3.Listeners jump to conclusion too soon and blame their misunderstandings on speakers without first finding out their actual intentions.

• Solution: Insufficient information is usually the reason why listeners draw incorrect conclusions. So observe, hear, and read before making a conclusion!

There are three possible broad approaches to the conduct of interpersonal relations. The first is to consider one’s self only and rode roughshod over others. The second is always to put others before one’s self. The third approach is the golden mean. The individual places himself first but take others into account.

(1915 – 1997)Joseph Wolpe

Interpersonal Communication Styles

• Aggressive style• Submissive style• Assertive style

style Characteristic

Aggressive I’m important. You are not.

Submissive I’m not important. You are.

Assertive We’re both important.

• Example: A smoker asks if you object to his/her smoking in your car. You are allergic to smoke.

• Example: You are net in line at a checkout counter and are in a hurry to leave. Somebody says, “Excuse me, I’m late for an important meeting. May I go ahead of you?”

Practice Being Assertive!

Role play !!

Direct & Indirect Communication Style

• State your feelings clearly and directly• Hint at what you want (beat around the bush)• Phrasing needs and wants as questions can

lead to confusion and misunderstanding. • People will take your request much more

seriously if you express them using a direct and assertive interpersonal communication style.

Practice Being Direct!

• Think of five situations in which you are reluctant to speak up or take action. Rank them from 1 (the most difficult) to 5 (the least difficult).– Saying “no” to a friend’s request.– Calling attention to an overcharge in a bill.– Asking a friend to return money he/she borrowed.

• In group, discuss the situations you wrote down and how you would like to respond to each other.

Role play !!