Unit 3: Communication and Conflict

Part 4: Conflict

© Jenison International AcademyMelissa Rodgers

What are some things that you argue about in your relationships?

Can you relate to any of these?HomeParentsBrother / SisterBoy / girl friendBest friend NeighborSchool

Effects of ConflictConflict, which is unavoidable in human life, is disruptive at best and horribly destructive at worst – yet, some forms of conflict have important benefits when handled skillfully. A value of conflict is the prevention of stagnation. It “stirs things up” and in some cases causes changes in a system to occur and can make the situation better for those involved.

Effects of Conflict

Conflict can destroy a relationship if handled improperly

The challenge is to learn to manage conflict in such a way as to minimize the risks and maximize the benefits

Facts about Conflict

1. Conflict is manageable and predictable.

2. We do have a choice.

3. Some conflict may never be resolved (agree to disagree)

Causes of Conflict

1. Communication problems

2. Differences in objectives (what something is)

3. Differences in methodology (how something is done)

4. Personality differences

Results of conflict

Constructive / Positive1. Brings issues into open2. Promotes self confidence3. Strengthens relationships4. Improves communication skills5. Helps resolve problems logically

Results of conflict

Destructive / negative1. Weakens relationships2. Creates unpleasant living/working environment3. May be physically harmful4. May damage self-esteem5. May not resolve problem

Types of Conflict1. Emotional conflict - the emotional components of conflict include:

anger, distrust, defensiveness, fear, rejection, envy

When involved in an emotional situation that results in conflict, the first goal for conflict resolution is to deal constructively with emotions. The conflict will be solved once the person involved can get control of his or her emotions to rational solutions.Example: A friend tell your secret

Types of Conflict

2. Values conflict – values are ideas in which we hold strong feelings. It is difficult to resolve a conflict of values because there is nothing concrete involved. The person involved in a conflict of values must reason it out for themselves. A useful strategy in resolving values conflict is to attempt to see the situation from the other person’s point of view. This could lead to a better understanding of each other. A clash of values can lead to an emotional conflict.Example: fight about religion or morals

Types of Conflict3. Needs conflict – needs conflict arises when what you want interferes with those around you. Examples of needs conflict arise everyday. Normally they are viewed as minor irritants and are quickly resolved though some sort of compromise.Example: your mom wants you to clean the house, but you want to hang out with a friend

Rules for managing conflict

1. Don’t fight to win – come up with a solution where there are no losers. The result should be a win-win solution.

2. Be sure you understand what the cause of the conflict is – make sure you and the person you have a conflict with are talking about the same thing.

3. Take care of a problem when in comes up – do not let the problem “bottle up” inside you, if you do that, the problem may become much worse

Rules for managing conflict

4. Handle only one conflict at a time – do not bring up other problems you have with the person.

5. Don’t blame others for problems you are having with someone else – only involve the people who are part of the original problem.

6. Think before you speak – is your filter on? May you regret what you say later?

7. Never hit another person to get your way – physical violence is never the answer and will only make the problem worse

Rules for managing conflict

8. Listen to what the other person has to say – use active listening skills and truly listen to the other person instead of thinking what you are going to say next.

9. Once the conflict has been resolved, forgive and forget – this can be hard to do, but once it is resolved, no need to bring it up again, especially if another conflict arises.