Dr. Roe2009

California Baptist University

Behavior…What we do

Attitude and Thinking

Programs and Habits

Values

I can’t be happy unless a certain condition – like success, money,

love, approval, or perfect achievement – is met…

I can’t feel worthwhile unless a certain condition is met.

I am entitled to happiness (or success, health, self-respect, pleasure, love) without having to work for it.

One day when I make it, I’ll have friends and be able to enjoy myself.

Work should be hard and in some way unpleasant.

Joy is only gained through hard work. I am inadequate…

Worrying insures that I will be prepared to face and solve problems. So the more I worry, the better.

Life should be easy. I can’t enjoy it if there is problems. The past makes me unhappy. There is no way around it. There’s a perfect solution and I must find it. If people disapprove of me, it means I am inferior, wrong,

or no good. If I try hard enough, all people will like me. If I try hard enough, my future will be happy and trouble

free… Life muse be fair. It doesn’t matter anyway – translated…I don’t matter.

What decisions have you made up about the program… What story did you make up about the event?

You attach the meaning… There is no inherent significance in ANYTHING!

Possible decisions: I am scared of making the wrong decision, so I

simply won’t decide. Because I made a dumb choice, I won’t decide

on anything ever again. I better be perfect if I hope to be accepted

The basic message – “I wish you hadn’t been born…” Possible decisions:

I will keep trying until I get you to love me If things get terrible, I will kill myself

Related to “Don’t trust” and “Don’t love” Possible decisions:

I loved once and it backfired – never again! Because it is scary to get close, I’ll keep myself

distant.

If you are constantly discounted when you speak… Possible decision:

If, by chance, I ever do become important, I’ll play down my accomplishments…

“Always act adult, don’t be childish and make a fool of yourself – keep control of yourself” Possible decisions:

I’ll take care of others and won’t ask much of myself.

I won’t let myself have fun.

This message is given by the frightened parent who discourages the child from growing up in many ways… Possible decisions:

I’ll stay a child, and that way I will get my parents to approve of me…

I won’t be sexual, and that way my Father won’t punish and push me away.

Possible decisions: I’ll never do anything perfect enough, so why

try? I’ll succeed, even if it kills me. If I don’t succeed, then I will not have to live

up to high expectations others have for me.

This involves suggesting to children that they are the wrong sex, shape, size, color, or have ideas or feelings that are unacceptable to parental figures… Possible decisions:

They would love me only if I were a boy (girl), so it’s impossible to get their love.

I will pretend to be a boy (girl).

Possible decisions I will get sick and then I will be included I am crazy.

This injunction may indicate that a family feels that the child does not belong anywhere… Possible decisions:

I’ll be a loner forever… I will never belong anywhere…

Don’t Talk Don’t Trust Don’t Feel

Translates to future relationships Programs very powerful

Manifested later in life

Partner A – Partner B

The most significant moment in my life, between the ages of 0-8 was…

What I learned from my parents at a young age was…

My biggest challenge in my life right now is…

What is your biggest regret in life today that continues to prevent you from truly moving forward…

What is the earliest moment you can recall in your life…What was the significance in that event for you…

Describe your childhood and the feelings that you have made up about it…

What major choices did you struggle with during your adolescent years…

How do you think your adolescence affected the person that you are today…

What event in your childhood would you change the outcome? What would be different in your life right now if that event had ended up differently?

What picture from your childhood has the most significance for you? Describe the picture, and why it is so important…